For those who have chosen to be done having babies...

[I.Dup.]

How did you deal with it? I'm just trying to come to terms with this. The idea of being done is just so sad to me. I have been having babies my entire adulthood. I have no idea who I would be without having a baby. That, of course, is a stupid reason to continue but I genuinely love having babies. But how many more than 6 can a person really handle, kwim?

 

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and wondering how to come to terms with this season of life being over. As fun as grandbabies will be, it's just not the same without being able to go through a pregnancy, give birth, nurse, etc. I told dh that it feels like old age and death is the only thing I have to look forward to once our having babies stage is over. So clearly I need to adjust my attitude. :lol:

[prairiebird]

I am in the same boat as you. I am expecting my #7, and I am dealing with gestational diabetes, higher blood pressure, and a lot of walking/driving low activity restrictions. I have to go in for a weekly ultrasound. It's very hard for me to do anything with my older kids and I'm wondering if this is it for me.

(and sorry if I'm blurting CC material into your thread here, but I always wonder if part of God's plan for me was to end up having to live with my in-laws this year who do not allow me to homeschool- because He knew I'd have to focus with this baby and not be able to do much.)

 

 

But I am like you- I'm not sure where I go next. I have a lot of hobbies that I have neglected over the years - art, volunteer work with nature- so I'm thinking maybe that's where I channel my energy. And maybe plan more active trips with older kids in mind where it might be harder to take an infant or toddler?

[Impish]

I honestly haven't made a real decision one way or the other. If Boo is our last, then he's an awesome baby to have as our last.

 

If there's another to come, then we'll be wonderfully blessed.

 

I've come to the point where I don't have the longing for another anymore, just content w/whatever happens, happens.

 

I'm just focusing on enjoying the kids where they're at now.

[G5052]

Most people who love children wish for more. I have friends in their 70's who talk about wanting more. This is such a common experience that I think you accept it for what it is and don't dwell on it.

 

The reality though is that biology shuts us down and moves us on to other things. At first it bothered me, but I began thinking about the future with fewer child-raising responsibilities and it isn't bad.

[extendedforecast]

We've stopped at five due to the risk I'd take having another c-section. I feel like we should have had six, and I mourn that baby. Sometimes I tell myself that the baby I miscarried is the sixth baby, and it helps a little. Ive decided to enjoy these last babies as much as I can as they grow up. It still pains me when they reach milestones that these will be the last time that this happens or that. I'm down to nursing one baby, and soon I won't have any diapers to change. It's bittersweet. I wish there was a way to make the hurt to away. Just being in the moment with the littles seems to help the most.

[I.Dup.]

I have a lot of hobbies that I have neglected over the years - art, volunteer work with nature- so I'm thinking maybe that's where I channel my energy. And maybe plan more active trips with older kids in mind where it might be harder to take an infant or toddler?

 

Hobbies and trips sound nice. I feel like being a mom to so many kids is such a productive use of my time, that I would have to come up with something really life-changing and productive to do once we are done, like starting a whole new career or something. Is that true? The thought of that just seems so overwhelming to me. :( But I'm not the type that has ever wanted to work for anyone else, anyway.

[wapiti]

Any more than six requires The Van (that term introduced by another poster in an old thread). I think I prefer my Suburban.

 

I see you have a newborn. I felt that way when my surprise #6 was a newborn too. But, this feeling may pass.

 

I'm 44, and my #6 is turning 3 y.o. I. am. so. done. After some ironic experience with infertility in the early years, I never, ever thought I'd feel done. As it is, it's all I can do to not neglect the older kids and their issues (e.g., one needs speech, someone needs orthodontics, someone has a serious health issue, someone needs to be taught cursive because the school isn't doing it quickly enough to suit me, etc.). I'm not even homeschooling them! The one I was homeschooling is going back to school this fall. (I know, I know, just wait, someone will have issues with the school/teacher and need to come home for a spell.... knock on wood, this fall I will have three hours to myself!! oh my goodness.) Rather unceremoniously, 11 straight years of diapers recently ended. Unless you count the nighttime ones, which I'm not :)

[melissad2]

I think we are done but I haven't made it my final decision although dh has :)

[kidsnbooks8]

I thought it would be a lot harder than it has been. I too had been having babies since I was 17 and my last was at 40, but I was still afraid to not have any more. "NOW WHAT? "

 

I am really enjoying my children so much more, it is not so much work. I am also loving my freedom and I look and feel better than I have in 15 years!! My marriage is also enjoying this new season:D

 

I was not sure about the grandchildren thing either, but I have an 8 month old granddaughter and it is just wonderful!!! I get to have baby time pretty much anytime I want to, but I don't have to have it all the time. It really is the best of both worlds. She comes and spends the night, plays, gets loved on and then goes home;) And, I do love her as if she were my own. She is beautiful, precious and perfect:D

 

 

It has just all come gradually. I wouldn't say I was ready for any of it. It is just a matter of taking each new day as it comes and embracing it:grouphug: It will be OK:grouphug:

[TammyS]

But how many more than 6 can a person really handle, kwim?

 

 

That's up to you. I know LOTS of people with children numbering in the dozen range. In some ways, it's easier, they tell me (costly, though, to feed them!).

 

You can always take it a month at a time. You don't have to make a decision permanently. Just ask yourself each month if you feel like maybe you can handle getting pregnant again.

 

I, on the other hand, did it the dumbest way possible and don't recommend: I have a 13.5yo and a 20 month old. :svengo:

[Mommyfaithe]

How did you deal with it? I'm just trying to come to terms with this. The idea of being done is just so sad to me. I have been having babies my entire adulthood. I have no idea who I would be without having a baby. That, of course, is a stupid reason to continue but I genuinely love having babies. But how many more than 6 can a person really handle, kwim?

 

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and wondering how to come to terms with this season of life being over. As fun as grandbabies will be, it's just not the same without being able to go through a pregnancy, give birth, nurse, etc. I told dh that it feels like old age and death is the only thing I have to look forward to once our having babies stage is over. So clearly I need to adjust my attitude. :lol:

 

I am not sure I did deal with it...but, suffice it to say....It was time for us to stop having babies. I was really worn, turning 40 and my body was giving out. I am no Mrs. Duggar...or Mrs Ingalls ....or even Mrs. Brady :D

 

I genuinely LOVE having babies. I love everything about them...but kittens turn into Cats and puppies into dogs...but with people, it seems, bigger kids have bigger needs. My older kids needed me more, not less as they got older. We had more activities, more life lessons, harder schoolwork, MORE house work....everything was JUST. MORE!!!

 

Now, things are still hectic, but I have less kids at home, and I am sure our decision was the right one....but still. Every time I see a baby....I swoon:D

[magnificent_baby]

:grouphug: I would not make a permanent decision unless you *know* you are done. I wish I would have not let my Dh make the decision when I was still unsure because I really want another one too. :sad:

[Beth S]

I am happily "finished", though I didn't really feel that way when our #5 was born. (Ours are 10 to 20yo now.) I thought we'd try for another girl maybe?

 

But soon after #5 was born, our oldest became a teenager . . . and now they basically are ALL teenagers.

 

The logistics and the homeschooling high school and the college prep is just a whole new ball game . . . and I'm very thankful for the 5 we have, but thankful that we don't have a few MORE!

 

But happily, I've seen God bring "surprise cabooses" into other families, and it's always a game-changer . . . but always a GOOD game-changer!

 

Thankfully, with a newborn, you are ABSOLUTELY exempt from making that type of a decision this week. :001_smile:

Edited June 25, 2012 by Beth S

[Veritaserum]

:grouphug: We knew going into our last pregnancy that it would be our last. Ds is 3 weeks old and I am enjoying him so much. But I feel 100% done. It was a rough pregnancy. It's a little sad, but I am looking forward to the next phase of family life. Our oldest is 12 and we want to be able to focus on her needs and building memories with her before she moves out.

 

I do plan on a reboot on life when my youngest is getting ready to leave the nest. I have a few career ideas in mind.

[I.Dup.]

I need to update my sig, my newborn is now 10 months old and my fertility should be returning around a year, if it goes the same it has every other time. So this has been on my mind more and more.

 

Thanks for the advice to just relax and take it a month at a time. We are not planning on taking any permanent measures, although in a way that would be nice just so the wondering game would be over. As it is, we will take what comes but in some ways it seems like it would be so nice to be done. Obviously I am very torn. I have a feeling we will have 1-2 more, any more than that REALLY scares me. I'm just not sure what there is to look forward to after this, having all teens seems absolutely miserable. Not because I hate teens or anything, but running from here to there for jobs and activities- basically I would become a chauffeur and a cook and that's it. No more baby snuggles, no more nursing, etc. So that seems really depressing. Hearing all the good stuff helps. :001_smile:

[DianeW88]

I genuinely LOVE having babies. I love everything about them...but kittens turn into Cats and puppies into dogs...but with people, it seems, bigger kids have bigger needs. My older kids needed me more, not less as they got older. We had more activities, more life lessons, harder schoolwork, MORE house work....everything was JUST. :D

 

:iagree: Your oldest is only ten. This is the easy part. Seriously, when you have all your kids in activities, going to friend's houses, needing rides here, there and everywhere, starting to drive, needing more time with schoolwork...it's what you're dealing with now times 100. Plus, I notice you have mostly boys. They get HUGE. They take up more space, they EAT like there's no tomorrow, and they smell. :lol: Those sweet, little, cuddly boys turn into big, hairy, stinky eating machines with hormones. And I mean that in the nicest possible way...I love my boys (and frankly find them much easier than girls to deal with), but adolescence happens. :lol: And you will be too busy to worry about having anymore babies in no time at all.

 

You have lots to look forward to. I absolutely adored my teens and now my young adults. Quite frankly, I have much more fun with them now than I ever did when they were babies. :)

[I.Dup.]

Seriously, when you have all your kids in activities, going to friend's houses, needing rides here, there and everywhere, starting to drive, needing more time with schoolwork...it's what you're dealing with now times 100. Plus, I notice you have mostly boys. They get HUGE. They take up more space, they EAT like there's no tomorrow, and they smell. :lol: Those sweet, little, cuddly boys turn into big, hairy, stinky eating machines with hormones.

 

I know, I know!!! And I am NOT looking forward to that! LOL :001_huh: :tongue_smilie: At all! But I do realize that kittens turn into cats, ugh. It helps knowing it's not all bad. :)

[justLisa]

I always felt like I wanted 2. I went through a short period of time recently when I thought I wanted another, but I don't think it was for the right reasons. I don't even know what that means, but it makes sense in my head. I am REALLY enjoying MYSELF and dh now that they are older

[labst60]

We have 3 girls... baby is 17 months (still nursing) and I am working hard to decide if I want a last. (#4 would be last for sure)

 

DH and I are both one of 4. He says we are done - but I know I could sway him if I really wanted it bad enough... but I haven't decided yet.

 

I realized I'm a day late and actually took a hpt this morning. I was **shocked** to feel completely relieved when it said negative. I think I thought I wanted it to be positive - then it was just done - and out of my hands.

 

Surprisingly though, I felt incedible relief when it said "not pregnant" - so now I'm even MORE confused than when I woke up this morning!

[Denisemomof4]

Old age and death? Yes, you need an attitude adjustment.;)

 

i only have four kids. I wanted a minimum of six, dh wanted two. I think we have the perfect family size. I never thought I'd lose that urge for more babies but dh and I both did. My oldest moved out last summer and it was very depressing! But I like that I only have two I am responsible for while homeschooling. I used lto feel guilty for enjoying my lighter workload, now I embrace it and am thankful for it. Dh and I are enjoying going out on dates more now, and I have many hobbies I will look forward to taking time for once my time is my own.

 

Your kids are much younger. It is understandable you could never imagine anything but motherhood. You have a baby and toddler!

[PeacefulChaos]

Sorry that you feel that way. :grouphug:

I always wanted 3 kids, and I always wanted them when I was still relatively young, and I always wanted them close together. :) DH always wanted 2 kids, but still said maybe 3 when we were first married.

I got pregnant with Link when I was 20 (married almost 2 years, wasn't trying but wasn't preventing either - I HATE bc pills!) and had him when I was 21. Decided I wanted to have the next one when Link was 9 months, so went off bc and took 3 months to conceive, and Astro is 21 months younger than Link.

I thought we were done. After both Link and Astro it was cake going back to my pre-pregnancy size. Then when Astro was almost 2, DH mentioned something about another baby. :001_huh: And then we got to thinking about it and decided to go for one more. I went off bc again when Astro was about to turn 2, and conceived 3 months later but it was ectopic. I had to wait a set amount of time, and then life was busy, etc, but I went off the bc again when Astro was 2.5 and decided that I'd give it til February of the following year. If I wasn't pregnant at that point, DH would get a vasectomy. I didn't want any of my children to be more than 4 years apart (which made the cutoff February, for no more than 4 years between Astro and the last one). I got pregnant the following month. So Pink and Astro are a little further apart than I would have originally liked (3.5 years) but oh, well.

anyway, I'm rambling on... sorry about that. :D I just was sharing my story - anyway when I was pregnant with Pink we both knew it would be the last one. We didn't really want anymore, even though part of you always feels like you could just keep having kids. Then the practical aspect comes in and I honestly didn't (and still don't) WANT any more kids. I'm done with babies (never liked them much anyway - kids are much more interesting and fun when they can actually do stuff. :) ) So I had my tubes tied when I had Pinkalicious. It was a scheduled c-section anyway (all mine were born via c/s for medical reasons), so it wasn't a big deal to go ahead and do that at the same time.

I've never regretted it, never felt sad about it. We like our family the way it is.

Anyway, I know this is long and, like I said, rambling. :)

I hope you settle on something soon - whatever that may be.

 

oh, I forgot to mention that I'm excited about my kids getting older - I've always looked forward to them being teenagers, and just watching them grow into an adult. I find every stage enjoyable (well...parts of every stage ;) ) and I'm actually really excited about the fact that when DD graduates high school I'll be 44!!!! (DH will be 46) We will still have so much of our lives ahead of us (well, hopefully :) ) and I look forward to the 'empty-nester' stage, and being relatively young grandparents, etc. I just think the whole thing sounds so exciting.

Edited June 25, 2012 by PeacefulChaos

[I.Dup.]

Gah, SEE?! So what IS there to enjoy about the teen stage? All the things you all mentioned are what I am dreading! Please tell me it isn't all just cooking massive amounts of food, chauffeuring, and dealing with smelly, huge bodies?? Ugh, that sounds TERRIBLE! LOL At least if I keep having babies I will have a baby to enjoy during all of that, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

I mean, with all teens you have more time to yourself at least, right? No butts to wipe anymore? No screaming at you when you tell them no (Hopefully?)...?

[PeacefulChaos]

Gah, SEE?! So what IS there to enjoy about the teen stage? All the things you all mentioned are what I am dreading! Please tell me it isn't all just cooking massive amounts of food, chauffeuring, and dealing with smelly, huge bodies?? Ugh, that sounds TERRIBLE! LOL At least if I keep having babies I will have a baby to enjoy during all of that, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

I mean, with all teens you have more time to yourself at least, right? No butts to wipe anymore? No screaming at you when you tell them no (Hopefully?)...?

 

:lol:

I actually have the opposite reaction. I think teenagers will be awesome!!! :D

[Firefly]

I love my teens! DS is 15 and DD 13. They are so fun to be with. I love being able to do things like share favorite books/movies with them, talk about important issues on a different level, just *relate* in general on a different level...and they are funny! They are really starting to become the young man and woman that they will be in adulthood and I'm really enjoying it. Of course it's not perfect, but neither was toddlerhood, or grade school age....Each stage of their journey has been great-- different, but great. (Well, maybe not the newborn stage... I needs me my sleep! ;))

 

So anyway, we stopped at two and wanted it that way-- no regrets. Try to take heart, you have a lot to look forward to!

 

eta: another bonus: they can help out so much more around the house! DH nearly swooned with happiness the day DS was able use the riding mower. :D

Edited June 25, 2012 by Firefly

[Caroline]

Gah, SEE?! So what IS there to enjoy about the teen stage? All the things you all mentioned are what I am dreading! Please tell me it isn't all just cooking massive amounts of food, chauffeuring, and dealing with smelly, huge bodies?? Ugh, that sounds TERRIBLE! LOL At least if I keep having babies I will have a baby to enjoy during all of that, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

I mean, with all teens you have more time to yourself at least, right? No butts to wipe anymore? No screaming at you when you tell them no (Hopefully?)...?

 

The conversations you can have with teens are incredible. You can share reading the same books, complicated, deep books. You can discuss politics with them. You can send them to the grocery for milk. You get to see them have their first job, even if it is working for your best friends. You get to watch them become men, men who will be great husbands, incredible citizens, statesmen, engineers, whatever. You get to hear the announcer at the soccer game saying, "And anchoring your Pope Greyhounds in goal is keeper, Alex K." (well whatever your son's name, sport, position, etc.) My oldest is 17, and it is fun to be his mom.

[5LittleMonkeys]

We are done. Several things went into the decision, but the major one was that dd 3 had a 10 day stay in ICU not able to breath on her own. Scary stuff. I know other people have gone through scarier and continued to have more dc, but with my age, and the fact that I had a VERY difficult pregnancy, I felt I would be putting myself and any more babies at unnecessary risk.

 

The other deciding factor was that I realized that with each new baby someone else in the house got less attention. I didn't like having to tell my other dc no to this or that because I was having to deal with a baby and\or a toddler or just too tired to play or go somewhere. There are days that I really miss my dh too. By the time all the dc are taken care of, household duties squared away, homeschooling prep completed...I barely get to talk to dh.

 

Money also played a factor as did house and vehicle space. Reduction in my level of patience as I get older was a consideration too.

 

When we first made the decision I was sad and a little remorseful. I couldn't imagine being at a point in my life where I didn't have little ones to take care of, but honestly, now that dd3 is becoming less time consuming, I'm really enjoying being able to focus more time and attention on my other dc. I have a really great relationship with my teens...I love being able to do things with them without a baby in tow. I enjoy hanging out with them, talking, discussing, goofing off, playing...they are wonderful kids.

 

I know that I have at least another 14 years of having dc at home, more if the last one lives at home during college. By that time I will have been raising dc for 25 years and will be 56 (dh will be 60). Dh and I are looking forward to taking a long, long vacation.:D

[mama2cntrykids]

I had those same feelings when my 1 y/o was a newborn...I think I even posted about it too :).

 

Honesly, lately I'm scared to death of getting pregnant. I have peace with being d.o.n.e. I just feel like I'm at my emotional/financial/stessed out top level right now.

 

PLUS, dh is going to be 46 yrs old this summer. He will be 62 yrs old when the baby graduates. He's pretty ok with it, but it stresses ME out thinking about it. I am 11 yrs dh's junior, btw, so it's a different case for me.

 

On top of that, I have problems with not being able to pee early in the last pregnancy (which, more likely than not, would happen again). It required me to have a walking cath for 5 weeks, along with that came infections (multiple) and antibiotics. Not fun!

 

There are moments where I still have a fleeting feeling of, "Oh...it would be SO SWEET to have a baby again!!". Those feelings pass pretty quickly for me. My oldest is 11.5 this summer and we are just so busy doing stuff that to have another baby would be stressful (for ME). Last summer (when the baby was born), I really felt like I missed out on a lot with the kids. Dd1 and I didn't even go outside for most of the summer b/c she hated the wind (and it's ALWAYS windy here). I didn't go out with out her b/c many times she was sleeping in the sling or on my lap. Yes, I have a hard time putting my newbies down ;P...they're just so squishy!

 

SOrry about the rambling. It's just something that actually is on my mind quite a bit. Last night I was very fearful about dtd and getting pregnant, until I realized that my period is due in about two days. That took much of the worry away.

 

I used to be of the mind of, what ever happens, happens. It's up to God. Lately, I don't have those thoughts. There are just so.many. factors that come into play where my life is right now, that my mind/thoughts have shifted.

 

Now, don't get me wrong...I adore big families. They're awesome! BUT...I think it takes a special kind of mom/dad to have those big families and dh and I just aren't it. I have many friends who have big families (two of which are pregnant with numbers 10 and 11 as I type!!). Just not for me. My personality is just so different from those friends. Which isn't bad...just how it is.

 

Maybe some ppl would say that I just lack the faith that I need, but I don't see it that way at all. I see it more as lacking the patience, finances, ability, stamina, etc. I'm also an introvert and too much noise/stimulation just does me in REALLY quickly. It might partially be my age too...who knows.

 

Anyway, that's where I stand with everything. It's a hard thing to face, I know. Especially as women, I think. It's in our human make-up.

 

Here are some big (((hugs))) to you. I've btdt with those feelings right after I had dd6 and after I gave up those feelings and said, "Well, we just won't have anymore", I got pregnant with dd1 (5 yrs after dd6 was born, almost to the day).

[MFG]

The conversations you can have with teens are incredible. You can share reading the same books, complicated, deep books. You can discuss politics with them. You can send them to the grocery for milk. You get to see them have their first job, even if it is working for your best friends. You get to watch them become men, men who will be great husbands, incredible citizens, statesmen, engineers, whatever. You get to hear the announcer at the soccer game saying, "And anchoring your Pope Greyhounds in goal is keeper, Alex K." (well whatever your son's name, sport, position, etc.) My oldest is 17, and it is fun to be his mom.

:iagree:

My young adults are wonderful people. They are a great delight to me.

[I.Dup.]

I have many friends who have big families (two of which are pregnant with numbers 10 and 11 as I type!!). Just not for me. My personality is just so different from those friends. Which isn't bad...just how it is.

 

 

Do they have the kind of personalities that enable them to be really active and do more? Or do they just not care about doing as much? Or...? I wonder what moms with 8, 9, 10+ kids have that I don't (or maybe I do?)

[Guest]

I always thought we'd have a few more. It's only been in the last few years that dh has said we are done. Some days it is harder than others, but for the most part, I am getting used to this being our complete family. I'm not a baby person, but I would have liked some more bodies in the house. The hardest part for me is when people hound me about why don't you have more or make me feel insignificant because I only have two.

 

I got rid of everything baby and I put on a smile. I, like WendyK, really am enjoying them as they get a little older and we are past the "baby" stage.

[mama2cntrykids]

Gah, SEE?! So what IS there to enjoy about the teen stage? All the things you all mentioned are what I am dreading! Please tell me it isn't all just cooking massive amounts of food, chauffeuring, and dealing with smelly, huge bodies?? Ugh, that sounds TERRIBLE! LOL At least if I keep having babies I will have a baby to enjoy during all of that, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

I mean, with all teens you have more time to yourself at least, right? No butts to wipe anymore? No screaming at you when you tell them no (Hopefully?)...?

 

The biggest problem that I had when dd1 was born with that having older kids, they have more activities that I need to run them to. Most of the time the baby was either nursing or sleeping. It was hard and they had to forgo stuff last summer b/c I just couldn't do all the running.

 

With teen-agers...I have a teen step-ds that lives with us. They too require plenty of time. Not like a younger child would need. It changes. They need parents to really listen and give good guidence, among other things. And that's with a teen step-ds who really wasn't/isn't good at communicating. It's a huge challenge for him (but he's getting better).

[kricau]

Oh man :( I feel for you. Mine are spaced 4 years apart, the youngest is 3 1/2 and I am getting that feeling again :) But my sister has a 9 month old, so every time I get a baby urge, I just go visit her LOL If my second pregnancy hadn't been so hard (gestational diabetes, emergency c-section, immobility from back problems for 3 months after delivery) I think I would definatly have a talk with hubby LOL

 

 

How did you deal with it? I'm just trying to come to terms with this. The idea of being done is just so sad to me. I have been having babies my entire adulthood. I have no idea who I would be without having a baby. That, of course, is a stupid reason to continue but I genuinely love having babies. But how many more than 6 can a person really handle, kwim?

 

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and wondering how to come to terms with this season of life being over. As fun as grandbabies will be, it's just not the same without being able to go through a pregnancy, give birth, nurse, etc. I told dh that it feels like old age and death is the only thing I have to look forward to once our having babies stage is over. So clearly I need to adjust my attitude. :lol:

[mama2cntrykids]

Do they have the kind of personalities that enable them to be really active and do more? Or do they just not care about doing as much? Or...? I wonder what moms with 8, 9, 10+ kids have that I don't (or maybe I do?)

 

I think they do a lot. Both of the families that are big and currently pregnant have farms. On top of that one of their dh's has his own plumbing biz and they host foriegn exchange students nearly every year and frequently have others living with them.

 

I couldn't do it. I know myself well enough to know that I couln't be a good mom to more than a few. Even with the five in the house, I feel stretched out.

[littlebug42]

Dh came to the conclusion sooner than I did. I went through a period of wanting more babies but now, the idea of being pregnant again literally just makes me want to cry. I was miserable through both pregnancies including three hospitalizations with Boo-Boo. Then, I have friends with toddlers and I have no desire to ever do that again. I am completely at peace with no more children.

[kricau]

ps

 

I am always open to God sending one our way :) I have dreams that a baby is left on my door step. LOL

[Mommyof4ks]

I was very sad for several years after our last was born, but now that he is 7 I am doing much better with it. We can do things that were so hard when we had babies. Vacations no longer must be planned around schedules and potty training. It is freeing not having babies. I still get sad sometimes thinking about not having any more babies, but just remembering how nice it is to have older kids beings back the happiness.

[fairfarmhand]

One thing that helped me is that I am an absolutely miserable, fat, mean, sleep-deprived pregnant lady. I am also a cranky fat hateful post-partum woman. Basically, if I don't sleep well, I am not a nice person.

 

I can do so much more for my bigger kids since I don't have infants. My oldest dd had to wait for years to be able to participate in certain activities, because I was unwilling to drag my babies out at naptimes etc.

 

My oldest needed me so much, and now that she is a teen, I am so glad that I'm not dealing with pregnancy hormones along with her growing up issues. Basically, I've learned to enjoy this season of life.

[mama2cntrykids]

:iagree: Your oldest is only ten. This is the easy part. Seriously, when you have all your kids in activities, going to friend's houses, needing rides here, there and everywhere, starting to drive, needing more time with schoolwork...it's what you're dealing with now times 100. Plus, I notice you have mostly boys. They get HUGE. They take up more space, they EAT like there's no tomorrow, and they smell. :lol: Those sweet, little, cuddly boys turn into big, hairy, stinky eating machines with hormones. And I mean that in the nicest possible way...I love my boys (and frankly find them much easier than girls to deal with), but adolescence happens. :lol: And you will be too busy to worry about having anymore babies in no time at all.

 

You have lots to look forward to. I absolutely adored my teens and now my young adults. Quite frankly, I have much more fun with them now than I ever did when they were babies. :)

 

You are RIGHT ON!

[fairfarmhand]

by the way, we waited until my youngest was 2 before making permanent decisions. I needed the break from deciding to get a bit of perspective.

 

And being able to go someplace without a diaper bag for the first time in 13 years was AMAZING!

[nmoira]

I told dh that it feels like old age and death is the only thing I have to look forward to once our having babies stage is over. So clearly I need to adjust my attitude. :lol:

You forgot facial hair.

 

Seriously though, as long as you don't desperately cling to what was (MIL does this), it's not that bad. You'll discover that having babies and nursing doesn't define you, that there's a whole new world in which to take pleasure, that you have the time and inclination to breathe and reflect. Enjoy watching your children becoming, and give them the pleasure of watching you continue that process as well. :001_smile:

[swellmomma]

I stopped after 4 when I found myself stretched way too thin. For the first 4 years after she was born I was a little bummed knowing she was my last baby. So the last time I would witness all those firsts. BUT now that she is turning 5 we are entering a new chapter that makes me okay with stopping. We are able to far more cool adventures as a family now that there is no babies to worry about. We can volunteer and tent camp(okay we could have done this sooner but I am not okay tent camping on my own with a gaggle of kids if any of them are babies) etc. Perhaps if I ever remarried I will revisit this and have more, but now that the youngest is getting to be schoolaged I am content with being done kwim

[BlsdMama]

Hobbies and trips sound nice. I feel like being a mom to so many kids is such a productive use of my time, that I would have to come up with something really life-changing and productive to do once we are done, like starting a whole new career or something. Is that true? The thought of that just seems so overwhelming to me. :( But I'm not the type that has ever wanted to work for anyone else, anyway.

I imagine we are probably not done, but do you really think / believe your productivity / usefulness stops when they aren't babies anymore? As older women we are called to nurture, to teach, to love... All of these things. *My* grandmother played a HUGE part in my life and I can't imagine not having had her. She raised eleven great kids but I think her finest role might have been as a grandmother... Of course, I'm biased.

[jenangelcat]

You just deal with it. It's like wanting anything else that you can't (or shouldn't) have. At 3 I'm totally done. I'd like to have another but it would be a purely selfish decision (I want a Sophie). I'm stretched thin with the three I have and don't want to neglect the older two any longer with another baby/toddler.

[Mommyfaithe]

Gah, SEE?! So what IS there to enjoy about the teen stage? All the things you all mentioned are what I am dreading! Please tell me it isn't all just cooking massive amounts of food, chauffeuring, and dealing with smelly, huge bodies?? Ugh, that sounds TERRIBLE! LOL At least if I keep having babies I will have a baby to enjoy during all of that, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

I mean, with all teens you have more time to yourself at least, right? No butts to wipe anymore? No screaming at you when you tell them no (Hopefully?)...?

 

I LOVE teenagers!!!! They are the best...smart, have opinions, can carry a coversation, sing power ballads....go to concerts, work out at the gym with you...etc., etc., etc.

 

Now, 20-agers...:tongue_smilie: now there is an animal I just don't get!!!

[Coffeetime]

How did you deal with it? I'm just trying to come to terms with this. The idea of being done is just so sad to me. I have been having babies my entire adulthood. I have no idea who I would be without having a baby. That, of course, is a stupid reason to continue but I genuinely love having babies. But how many more than 6 can a person really handle, kwim?

 

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and wondering how to come to terms with this season of life being over. As fun as grandbabies will be, it's just not the same without being able to go through a pregnancy, give birth, nurse, etc. I told dh that it feels like old age and death is the only thing I have to look forward to once our having babies stage is over. So clearly I need to adjust my attitude. :lol:

 

Maybe you're not done. Maybe you need to give it some years of not having a baby before you come to that conclusion. :grouphug:

 

Honestly, for me- I just *knew* I was done after I got pregnant with #5. I'm done, I'm very happy to be done, and I'm looking forward to the next stage of life.. you know, the one where everyone can wipe his/her own bum. ;)

[DianeW88]

Gah, SEE?! So what IS there to enjoy about the teen stage? All the things you all mentioned are what I am dreading! Please tell me it isn't all just cooking massive amounts of food, chauffeuring, and dealing with smelly, huge bodies?? Ugh, that sounds TERRIBLE! LOL At least if I keep having babies I will have a baby to enjoy during all of that, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

I mean, with all teens you have more time to yourself at least, right? No butts to wipe anymore? No screaming at you when you tell them no (Hopefully?)...?

 

I have SO much more fun with my older kids! Seriously, I absolutely love it. I would never want to go back to the baby/toddler years.

 

Schoolwork is MUCH better. My son and I are learning together. Meaningful things, amazing discussions, fun field trips to more "grown-up" places and exhibits. Honestly, homeschool up to about third grade is really not that fun. If I had to sit next to another child sounding out beginning words like "it" MULTIPLE times within the same paragraph, I think I would chew my own arm off. :lol:

 

For another example, take my recent family vacation to Disney World. SO much better to vacation without little ones. I can't tell you how many families I saw with toddlers and preschoolers doing the full-body melt down dance before flinging themselves to the ground in either: a restaurant, store, ride line or monorail. I just smiled to myself as my kids said to me with happy faces and plenty of energy, "Where do you want to go next?" :D In fact, my dh would look over at me when we'd walk past the inevitable melt down scene and say, "Aren't you glad that's not us." :lol: Yep.

 

I did not have to take anyone to the potty, find an acceptable entree from a children's menu, carry a bag full of baby/toddler supplies weighing 600 pounds, stop in the middle of the day for someone to take a nap, or worry about someone wandering off and getting lost. My dh and I even went off by ourselves for a romantic dinner while my older kids took my 11 year old to Magic Kingdom for the night. I'm telling you...it's heaven when they get older.

 

And as my friends who are grandparents ALWAYS tell me..."As much as you loved your own kids, you love your grandkids ten times more."

 

The best is yet to come!

[QueenCat]

Most people who love children wish for more.

 

Not necessarily. I'd say 99% of the families I know, who have small families, love their children deeply, and don't wish for more, having planned the 1-3 they have, and stopped because they were happy with the size of their family. We are quite content with our two, and have never desired more. To think that people think we don't love children because we have only two leaves me perplexed. Our love for children goes beyond our own, to include many friends children, church members children, scouts we've known along the way, etc.

[TravelingChris]

WE have three. After the third was born, we waited like the other times to space the kids. By the time, the spacing was right, I wasn't doing well again with my disease. After a while, I got better so we were fine with having more. THen we were moving someplace (turned out to be Europe), so we made sure no kids at that time, and moved. Then we were open again but no kids anyway. It became obvious that the spacing was getting too far and that the oldest would never know his sibling. We then stopped and by the time we moved to FL and youngest was ten, we made that decision permanent. However, there is another part to this story that is very relevant. I had no idea that I had a heridary marker that made my blood clot easily. In fact,. when I was pregnant with #3, towards the last month of pregnancy, my left leg swelled up. The doctor did an ultrasound but missed the fact that I did have a DVT. I know that know after having a very large DVT two summers ago. I also had a pulmonary embolism when my oldest was a bit over one and I broke my leg. God was protecting me and my family by not having me get pregnant all those years we weren't taking precautions.

[AK_Mom4]

Teens are fun!

Over the last month, we played over 30 hours of frisbee golf, 2 marathon monopoly games, stayed up late and slept in later, cooked together (OK - they cooked, I supervised), cleaned the house and the cars, and watched The Avengers at the movie theatre. I can have date nights with DH, visit with my friends, do volunteer work, and listen to something other than nursery rhymes on the car radio.

 

And... if you think the work is done just because they aren't babies anymore, think again! My teens need DH and I just as much as they did when they were little. The job has changed over time, but the work load is still there. We do a lot of listening and guidance, redirection and encouragment, and just plain spending time with them and their friends to supervise and support activities.

 

It's hard to imagine when you are in the trenches with 2 in diapers and lots of littles under foot. When DD11 was born, I knew she would be our last and there was a little sweet-sadness about that. But I really don't miss those baby days and I am enjoying life with "the big kids" now.

[tomandlorih]

We are done..(permanently taken care of). I thought we were done after DS3.5 since his pregnancy was so emotionally difficult(pregnancy after stillbirth). God had other plans and we ended up with baby #3(living). Due to some health issues and my "advanced maternal age" LOL.. I had to stop nursing her at 3 mos after EBF the others to 2yrs+. That makes me sad.. but while I wonder what future babies would have looked like/been like, I am just so very, very grateful to have three living wonderful children.. I can't bring myself to be sorry I never have to go through the emotional turmoil of another pregnancy!

 

PS I'm so excited to be able to give away the baby things this time! They take up soo much room in my house! =D

Edited June 25, 2012 by tomandlorih
Added bit about house.