Kathryn Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 (edited) I'm with my mom visiting relatives and was surprised by the answers given to the following question. My twenty-five-year-old cousin and his friend, both in grad school on tight budgets, are going to a wedding reception (not invited to the actual wedding ceremony of close family only) of a college roomate today. It's a 400-mile, seven-hour drive each way and the reception is at 5pm, making an overnight hotel stay in a large city necessary. Apparently, the couple will be moving long distance soon and so didn't want to register for a lot of "stuff," and said that all they want is to celebrate with their friends. They feel like they should give something and asked what an appropriate amount was. I was shocked by the range of opinions of those of us in the room. So, given the information outlined, what would you say is an appropriate amount? Edited June 2, 2012 by kebg11 Clarification of relationship Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $100 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Grad student? Maybe $25. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Grad student? Maybe $25. :iagree: But really, it comes down to what they can give. I've had times in my life when I could be more generous and times (even recently) when I couldn't. It wasn't a measure of my inner generosity or kindness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tabrizia Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Between $25 and $50. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $25 ETA: is this your cousin, not the cousin of the bride or groom? (a college roommate, no relation to bride & groom, right?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 $25 ETA: is this your cousin, not the cousin of the bride or groom? (a college roommate, no relation to bride & groom, right?) Yes, my cousin. He and his friend were roomates of the groom in college. And, yes, they are both now working their way through grad programs (both living in large, expensive Northeast cities). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 When I got married we were moving across country within two weeks of the wedding. We didn't register for anything. I would have been very happy with just receiving a card (no thank you to write!). Cash or gift certificates were also very nice. I considered a gift of $100 to be an extravagant gift. This was 18 years ago... but situations sound similar. I think the travel itself to celebrate can be viewed as the gift (and it's how I'd have viewed it as the bride). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 (edited) I would personally give $50 but when I was their age, it would have been closer to $25. Edited June 2, 2012 by CathieC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue in WI Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stansclan89 Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 $25 Unless it was a cousin I am especially close to or had $$ to be generous. Then it would be $50. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 If I were in their shoes, and could afford $20 or $25, then that's what I'd give. If I couldn't, then I would give them a nice card congratulating them and not worry about it. Most students barely have enough money to live on , so I wouldn't expect them to give anything necessarily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 If I were in their shoes, and could afford $20 or $25, then that's what I'd give. If I couldn't, then I would give them a nice card congratulating them and not worry about it. Most students barely have enough money to live on , so I wouldn't expect them to give anything necessarily. Exactly. The trip alone is expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschool mom Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 I really think their attending is a gift, considering the long drive & hotel expense. It is very nice they can celebrate with their friend, & he will have that memory. Don't worry about adding money to a card, but do get a card. They will appreciate the time more than anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Whatever amount is comfortable for them, not more than $50. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 If I were in their shoes, and could afford $20 or $25, then that's what I'd give. If I couldn't, then I would give them a nice card congratulating them and not worry about it. Most students barely have enough money to live on , so I wouldn't expect them to give anything necessarily. I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 :iagree: But really, it comes down to what they can give. I've had times in my life when I could be more generous and times (even recently) when I couldn't. It wasn't a measure of my inner generosity or kindness. Exactly. The number that came to my mind, given the situation, was $20 or $25 and a thoughtful card/note. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 Thanks everyone. I, five years out of grad school, suggested $25 if they felt they had to give something. I was surprised that the generation older than me suggested $50 and even $100 and wondered if that might have to do with how far removed they were from those days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I'm with my mom visiting relatives and was surprised by the answers given to the following question. My twenty-five-year-old cousin and his friend, both in grad school on tight budgets, are going to a wedding reception (not invited to the actual wedding ceremony of close family only) of a college roomate today. It's a 400-mile, seven-hour drive each way and the reception is at 5pm, making an overnight hotel stay in a large city necessary. Apparently, the couple will be moving long distance soon and so didn't want to register for a lot of "stuff," and said that all they want is to celebrate with their friends. They feel like they should give something and asked what an appropriate amount was. I was shocked by the range of opinions of those of us in the room. So, given the information outlined, what would you say is an appropriate amount? Personally I would not drive 800 miles round trip and incur lodging cost to attend a reception. On a grad school budget, a card or better yet a personal note and $25 should suffice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 If I couldn't afford $50 then I would be asking if I could do anything instead of a present - like take extra pictures or drive a relative to the airport instead of a present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 :iagree: But really, it comes down to what they can give. I've had times in my life when I could be more generous and times (even recently) when I couldn't. It wasn't a measure of my inner generosity or kindness. :iagree::iagree::iagree: the point is - this is a GIFT. it's what they feel they can comfortably afford for this couple. if the couple receiving it has a problem with the amount because they see it as "too small" - there is a problem with the friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie131 Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I think the typical wedding gift is about $100, but I'd say that is for the well established giver. Not a student. Many younger guests at our wedding (9 years ago) never gave us a gift and I didn't bat an eyelash at it. I was just glad they came. If they want to give a gift, then any amount they can afford is appropriate. If they can't afford a gift, I think that is fine too :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I wouldn't attend the reception, and instead I'd send $100. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalynnrmc Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 If I were in their shoes, and could afford $20 or $25, then that's what I'd give. If I couldn't, then I would give them a nice card congratulating them and not worry about it. Most students barely have enough money to live on , so I wouldn't expect them to give anything necessarily. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 $0 to $50 for tight budget grad students. When I was working FT and invited to weddings or baby showers and did not give a material gift, I would give anywhere from $35-300+ depending on my connection to the couple. Now, while not on a grad school budget, we are on a budget with me working from home only PT. I would give between $25-100. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 $50. (I usually give more like $100.00-$200.00 depending on who it is when I'm going to a wedding, but that's when I'm invited to the wedding itself, and I'm not a struggling 25 y/o grad student). So in their case, I'm going with $50.00. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 :iagree: But really, it comes down to what they can give. I've had times in my life when I could be more generous and times (even recently) when I couldn't. It wasn't a measure of my inner generosity or kindness. :iagree: whatever their budget allows-whether it be large or small..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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