MedicMom Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 My son's second birthday party starts in an hour and a half. It's a very small birthday party with only one couple other than family invited. We had a large party for his 1st birthday, and I am 38 weeks pregnant, so we decided to just do a very small cake and pizza with grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins. About an hour ago I got a text message from a former coworker(who, incidentally, was fired for inappropriate s*xual comments towards my sister, who works there as well. She wasn't overly offended and didn't report it, but somebody else did and he was eventually terminated over the situation) saying, hey, we'll be there tonight, sorry for the late RSVP. Um...except, I didn't invite you, and my sister will be here, and that's, um, awkward. The only thing we can think of is that my husband inadvertantly invited Former Coworker when he ran into him a few days ago and mentioned our son's birthday party and told Former Coworker he should stop by sometime. The "stopping by" was in reference to giving a quote to spackle our dining room, but we think maybe they misinterpreted it. Do I call or text former coworker and tell him they aren't invited? I'm on friendly terms with his wife, but they have three children that are ill behaved, plus I'm really just not prepared for five extra people. The house is hot today but due to landscaping work going on we won't be able to send people outside, and I really don't have room for extra people tonight at all. Like I said, we were keeping this really small. I've tried to call my sister to forewarn her and see how she feels, but she's not answering. Do I just say nothing and let it play out? Like I said...awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 If it were me, I would probably just deal with it. But I'd be annoyed the whole time. :lol: You are well within your rights to call and let them know they can't come, for whatever reason you feel like giving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabelen Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would reply saying you are sorry but you won't be able to accomodate them today but would love to see them some other time. Even if they misunderstood your husband they are replying a couple of hours before hand? That is too late! Surely they will understand... Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would ask DH if he invited them first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 I talked to DH. He said that conversation in the store is the only one he's had with them, and he thinks that they misinterpreted what he said as an invitation to the party. They were invited last year and we are friendly, but not really "friends." My main issue is that my sister is uncomfortable around them since the inappropriate s*xual comments incident. Whether or not I'm friendly with someone doesn't mean I should put my sister in an uncomfortable situation, IYKWIM. BTW, my DH is refusing to call and explain it to the man. He says I should just tell my sister and let her decide whether or not to come. Sigh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would say hey I think something got misunderstood, this is a small little family thing but we would love to see you another time? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would ask DH if he invited them first. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I talked to DH. He said that conversation in the store is the only one he's had with them, and he thinks that they misinterpreted what he said as an invitation to the party. They were invited last year and we are friendly, but not really "friends." My main issue is that my sister is uncomfortable around them since the inappropriate s*xual comments incident. Whether or not I'm friendly with someone doesn't mean I should put my sister in an uncomfortable situation, IYKWIM. BTW, my DH is refusing to call and explain it to the man. He says I should just tell my sister and let her decide whether or not to come. Sigh... I thik it would be very rude to put your sister in that position Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I talked to DH. He said that conversation in the store is the only one he's had with them, and he thinks that they misinterpreted what he said as an invitation to the party. They were invited last year and we are friendly, but not really "friends." My main issue is that my sister is uncomfortable around them since the inappropriate s*xual comments incident. Whether or not I'm friendly with someone doesn't mean I should put my sister in an uncomfortable situation, IYKWIM. BTW, my DH is refusing to call and explain it to the man. He says I should just tell my sister and let her decide whether or not to come. Sigh... Didn"t see this when I first responded... NO, your sister comes before these people! If he won't call, then text back "tonight is not good for you to stop by, not sure what you're rsvping to, we have family in tonight". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Call. Explain that there was a misunderstanding and that only FAMILY is coming, including your sister, and that it wasn't meant to be an invitation outside of family. He doesnt' need to know about the one family that isn't family. Obviously you feel they are as close as family so you invited them. Not his business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would say hey I think something got misunderstood, this is a small little family thing but we would love to see you another time? Thanks Call. Explain that there was a misunderstanding and that only FAMILY is coming, including your sister, and that it wasn't meant to be an invitation outside of family. He doesnt' need to know about the one family that isn't family. Obviously you feel they are as close as family so you invited them. Not his business. :iagree: It's a pain to deal w/ at the last minute, but in order for you & your guests to enjoy the party tonight, call the person, apologize for the misunderstanding, say it's family only, & make sure they realize that they're now 'uninvited'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would say hey I think something got misunderstood, this is a small little family thing but we would love to see you another time? Thanks :iagree: If you want to really go all out, you could invite them for a specific time - hey, we'll be home (date) if you'd like to stop by (after dinner, in the afternoon, etc.). But you don't need to add that. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 OR you can pm me her number, and I'll take care of it. Nicely, I promise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Call. Explain that there was a misunderstanding and that only FAMILY is coming, including your sister, and that it wasn't meant to be an invitation outside of family. He doesnt' need to know about the one family that isn't family. Obviously you feel they are as close as family so you invited them. Not his business. :iagree: And hurry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 As much as it would pain me to do it, I would call....or text and uninvited them. Use the last minute rsvp if you want...."I only prepared for x number of people..." Or just explain the misunderstanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Call. Explain that there was a misunderstanding and that only FAMILY is coming, including your sister, and that it wasn't meant to be an invitation outside of family. He doesnt' need to know about the one family that isn't family. Obviously you feel they are as close as family so you invited them. Not his business. I think this is good advice. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would definitely let them know that there was some sort of misunderstanding and you are not available to them tonight. Then, I lose my mind on my DH and let him know in no uncertain terms how much he doesn't deserve to be called a MAN if he can't man up and fix his own mess, leaving it to you to do and completely disrespecting your sister as an "optional" guest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Call. Explain that there was a misunderstanding and that only FAMILY is coming, including your sister, and that it wasn't meant to be an invitation outside of family. He doesnt' need to know about the one family that isn't family. Obviously you feel they are as close as family so you invited them. Not his business. Yes. And I think it is absolutely awful to put your sister in the position of choosing to not come. Much, much better to clear up the misunderstanding with the uninvited than to do that to your sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Didn"t see this when I first responded... NO, your sister comes before these people! If he won't call, then text back "tonight is not good for you to stop by, not sure what you're rsvping to, we have family in tonight". I would hate to be in this position because I hate any kind of controversy. But I would definitely do what Cathie suggested! Wouldn't even think twice! How awful for your sister if this person were to show up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would reply saying you are sorry but you won't be able to accomodate them today but would love to see them some other time. Even if they misunderstood your husband they are replying a couple of hours before hand? That is too late! Surely they will understand... Good luck. This, and IMO, prob #1 is that DH invited sexual harrassment man over to your house. In my house that would be a big NO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) I would text back "RSVP what? Our families are coming over, it isn't a party. Now isn't a good time. TTYL" I would also lose my mind at my husband if he put sexual harassment guy over my sister. There is NO WAY "your sister can decide whether or not to come" would come out of his mouth. Edited May 25, 2012 by Sis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would text back "RSVP what? Our families are coming over, it isn't a party. Now isn't a good time. TTYL" I would also lose my mind at my husband if he put sexual harassment guy over my sister. There is NO WAY "your sister can decide whether or not to come" would come out of his mouth. :iagree::iagree::iagree: What the heck is this DH thinking??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Tell your dh to fix the problem he created. :001_huh: honestly, if he won't I would text and tell them you had a change of plans at the last minute and make up some excuse about your health if necessary. Stress is a health issue. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would say hey I think something got misunderstood, this is a small little family thing but we would love to see you another time? Thanks :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shannon in TN Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I love all the suggestions, but if it were me, I might also say/text something along the lines of "DH must not have been clear the other day. We wanted you to come over sometime to do an estimate. Tonight is for family. If you have any questions, call DH." Honestly, I'd be peeved that DH caused the problem and then refused to clarify, so I'd very sweetly dump it back in his lap. Maybe even toss in a "bless your heart" or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would definitely let them know that there was some sort of misunderstanding and you are not available to them tonight.Then, I lose my mind on my DH and let him know in no uncertain terms how much he doesn't deserve to be called a MAN if he can't man up and fix his own mess, leaving it to you to do and completely disrespecting your sister as an "optional" guest. :iagree:totally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I'd text back: "LOL! Funny! You don't need to RSVP to give us an estimate on the job! LOL! But tonight won't work, we have family coming over. Anytime next week would be fine, but tonight just won't work. Sorry. Have a great night! See you next week sometime!" Just pretend you don't have a clue WHY he'd be RSVPing and he'll get the idea that he mis understood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I'd text back: "LOL! Funny! You don't need to RSVP to give us an estimate on the job! LOL! But tonight won't work, we have family coming over. Anytime next week would be fine, but tonight just won't work. Sorry. Have a great night! See you next week sometime!" Just pretend you don't have a clue WHY he'd be RSVPing and he'll get the idea that he mis understood. :iagree: I would be tempted to text back from DH's phone that it was a mistake. :glare: Bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I would have called to clarify the party was a small party for family members. I hope everything turned out okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Blood comes before anything else IMO, so your sister is more important than this former co-worker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Call. Explain that there was a misunderstanding and that only FAMILY is coming, including your sister, and that it wasn't meant to be an invitation outside of family. He doesnt' need to know about the one family that isn't family. Obviously you feel they are as close as family so you invited them. Not his business. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houseofkids&pets Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I hope that everything ended up ok. You did get some good advice from the previous posters. I have to say, I would be very upset with your dh for not helping fix the situation, especially since there was an issue with s*xually harassing your sister and you are very pregnant right now. Just not cool:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) So. Fortunately my son won't remember this birthday party. I think next year we'll go on a trip or something. What I did was call my sister, explain the whole thing to her, and ask what she wanted me to do. I wasn't going to disinvite her; I told her I would call Former Coworker and tell them they weren't invited, if that is what she wanted. I finally got a hold of her about a half hour before the party started, and she told me that it didn't bother her if he was here. Her husband was going to be here and she figured, correctly, that there would be no inappropriate behavior. There wasn't. (Except for Former Coworker's children completely misbehaving, including trying to open my son's presents, while their parents were in a different room refusing to supervise their own kids, leaving it up to my mom and me. But anyway.) My husband swears that he didn't know it was a s*xual harassment issue that got Former Coworker fired. DH doesn't work at the same place my sister and I do anymore, and I only recently heard the whole story. My sister hasn't really said much about it. So I find it entirely plausible that he didn't know(DH tends to be oblivious to workplace drama anyway), and he swears he wouldn't have hired him to spackle the dining room. I'm still upset that he wouldn't text the guy and tell him not to come, leaving it up to me and saying my sister didn't have to show up. We'll deal with that when I'm not so tired and having contractions every six minutes. But. I finally fished it out of the wife why they had shown up, especially since they didn't get an invitation. She said that since my DH had told her DH to come do an estimate of the dining room, and they saw that my son's birthday party was tonight on facebook(yeah, we're FB friends, and I did put something up about getting ready for it tonight) they decided to come and do the estimate tonight, figuring it was okay as long as they let us know. :confused::confused: She then thanked me for the easy dinner... However, there turned out to be enough food. My aunt and step-grandmother, who RSVP'd, said they were coming, and had promised to bring some food for the party, called me fifteen minutes before and said they wouldn't make it. Because they had decided to go to a casino instead. :lol: Even so, I just sent DH out to pick up some more drinks and chips(since those were the promised foods by aunt and s-grandma), and tried not bash my head into a wall. I suspect I'm going to go into labor tonight from the stress this simple family party caused. Edited May 26, 2012 by MedicMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 You were far more polite than I would have been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 You were far more polite than I would have been. I usually wouldn't have been anywhere close to polite. I am really tired and really pregnant right now, and my brain couldn't even come up with anything to say to the woman. I was too flabbergasted that someone would crash a party like that and admit to it. If you're talking about being polite to DH, I really haven't been. I'm pretty ticked off, just trying to handle it like a mature adult. I probably won't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Awww. . .:grouphug: Are you overdue? Poor mama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookfiend Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 So this family came, knowing they weren't invited to the party, got free baby-sitting, free dinner, and the opportunity to come and make money on your spackle job? Boy - you really are nice! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) Wow. How incredibly rude. I just can't even imagine!! :001_huh: ETA--Oh, and I'd be letting dh know he can find someone else to do the dining room job. Wow. Edited May 26, 2012 by Kirch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 So this family came, knowing they weren't invited to the party, got free baby-sitting, free dinner, and the opportunity to come and make money on your spackle job? Boy - you really are nice! :D That sounds like it in a nutshell. Wow. I'd find another spackler and beat my DH over the head for good measure too. :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I finally fished it out of the wife why they had shown up, especially since they didn't get an invitation. She said that since my DH had told her DH to come do an estimate of the dining room, and they saw that my son's birthday party was tonight on facebook(yeah, we're FB friends, and I did put something up about getting ready for it tonight) they decided to come and do the estimate tonight, figuring it was okay as long as they let us know. :confused::confused: She then thanked me for the easy dinner... So, actually, he wasn't misunderstanding your dh. He just decided to show up to do an estimate, during your kid's party. Huh? Who does that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I usually wouldn't have been anywhere close to polite. I am really tired and really pregnant right now, and my brain couldn't even come up with anything to say to the woman. I was too flabbergasted that someone would crash a party like that and admit to it. If you're talking about being polite to DH, I really haven't been. I'm pretty ticked off, just trying to handle it like a mature adult. I probably won't. I would have been shocked, too. And as for your DH, he deserves a lot worse than "not polite." He should have contacted the people and told them not to come. He really messed up big time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Please tell us your dh is going to turn the estimate down and not allow people with such base behavior in your home again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I am utterly flabbergasted. What a series of idiotic events for a woman late in pg to have to deal with. :001_huh: I am going to refrain from commenting on your dh's behavior. :glare: But you deserve some kind of award for not totally losing your cool with everyone involved in this debacle. (Except your sister.) :grouphug: (And the uninvited guests????? I am speechless! :001_huh: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 DH said he'd find someone else to do the dining room. We just assumed that they had misunderstood and thought DH had invited them. I guess it never occurred to me that someone would just show up like that. :glare: I said my piece to DH and am just going to leave it. He leaves tomorrow for a 72 hour work shift and I'm not up for a huge fight right now. He knows I think he should have been the one to call and disinvite them, since we were under the assumption that he had accidentally invited them. Even if they were just being incredibly rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I am in awe of your level-headedness and practicality, particularly given your advanced pregnancy!!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Wow. You are a much better woman than I am. Put your feet up - you deserve it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Wow. How unbelievably rude. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 Not really level headed. I'm just sparing the internetz the details of what I said to DH. It's just not a fight I'm going to continue tonight this exhausted lest I say something that truly damages our relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabelen Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Wow! Unbelievable... I certainly would not be doing any business with people who show such utter lack of good judgement! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 :grouphug: What a night! It sounds like you handled it with grace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.