And another "would this annoy you... or is it just me" question

[BMW]

DS has seasonal allergies with a bit of asthma that last up to about 6 weeks this time of year. He has been on a daily control medication for about a week, but forgot to take it a couple times prior to yesterday (as in yesterday morning and the night before). He goes to PS. He did fine in PE, but after lunch he decided to shake a tree. This is the kind of kid he is. He just does these things. Don't know why. Doubt it will change. He inhaled some "stuff" in the process and began wheezing a bit. It was never an "asthma attack", but a bit of wheezing. DS knows the difference. DS loves attention, though. He went into the office to tell the ladies that he is wheezing with an asthma attack. They have him call me. He tries a couple of times, and does reach me (within 5 minutes).

 

I ask him how much he is wheezing and he says not much. I ask him if he has drank some water and sat to rest a few minutes. He says no. I tell him to please drink some water and sit still for a few minutes and call me back. Within a minute I get a call from a front office lady and she is "short" with me on the phone with a slightly elevated voice (in my opinion... perhaps she just annoys me). She tells me that he is having an asthma attack and that they don't have an inhaler for him. I told her that he is on a preventive medication that he says he forgot to take and that I do not currently have a rescue inhaler, so I've asked him to drink water and relax a few minutes. She insists that he is having an attack. I told her that he can either sit and relax there in the office or if I have to I will pick him up and he can come and sit and relax at home. She asks me to come and pick him up.

 

When I get into the office, he is just fine. No retraction. No signs of struggle to breathe. No audible wheeze. I roll my eyes, with my back turned to the lady. In the car my son excitedly asks about visiting the neighbor down the street!!!!

 

I told him, no, since he had to go in for help with an asthma attack, he must go home and rest. Then I tell him that I can see he isn't wheezing. He really was not wheezing at all. I tell him that I find it rude that my time is interrupted to pick him up when he is just fine and should be in class. Now if he had seriously been wheezing and in need of medication, it would be no big deal... I know how to take care of asthma challenges... I would be the concerned mom just like most moms... But, this was a case of a boy playing up the situation for attention and an office worker who wants mom to come running when called.

 

Would this annoy you? The thing is, I work two part time jobs (I have a many hours a day that I do not work right now, though). I cannot just jump in the car and run to the school. It feels like they called "Wolf!" And I don't want to play that game. Call me if it's really an emergency!

 

So, I sent a note excusing DS from PE until I have a rescue inhaler to send to school (should be by Wed.) and I've told son not to mess with trees or bushes... we'll see how that works... If this happens again, I will have them take my phone number off of all contact lists and have them call dh or DS's grandmother, who doesn't work at all.

 

Last year the same office lady was mad at me because I wouldn't take son an extra FULL set of clothes to school because my son had played in the rain and puddles. I said, no, he is old enough to know better and I am not running extra clothes to school. She also got mad at me when son said he wasn't feeling well and I asked if he had a fever and what his symptoms were... son just didn't want to be at school that day, was not sick at all...

 

So... would you be annoyed? Do you think this is just part of being a mom and I need to change my attitude? Would you contact the school office and ask to set guidelines for your son making calls home??

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would be annoyed at my son, not at people in the office. Even if he did not have homework to bring home with him, he would be doing a lot of school at home that day - not resting, not visiting and not watching tv or playing on the computer. He lied to the office and used the system to his advantage.

[Little Nyssa]

I'm sorry she was snippy, but I can see her point that office staff can't be expected to discern whether wheezing is real wheezing or not- of corse they would get nervous if a child is doing any kind of wheezing and there is no medication to give him. In my state a child died recently because they did not give the meds.

My DS has asthma too, and is on maintenance meds, but just recently had a breakthrough symptoms, so now I have a whole plan at school-- if this, then that, and who to call. Our Dr spelled it out very explicitly for them.

My boy is the opposite of yours, though-- he would try to avoid attention, being shy.

[Melinda in VT]

I would be irritated at my son, not the office worker. Think about how hard we (the general We) come down on school staff members who fail to react quickly enough to students' health crisis.

 

My son would be kept so busy at home he would wish he were back in school.

[happi duck]

I would be annoyed at my son, not at people in the office. Even if he did not have homework to bring home with him, he would be doing a lot of school at home that day - not resting, not visiting and not watching tv or playing on the computer. He lied to the office and used the system to his advantage.

 

I'm sorry she was snippy, but I can see her point that office staff can't be expected to discern whether wheezing is real wheezing or not- of corse they would get nervous if a child is doing any kind of wheezing and there is no medication to give him. In my state a child died recently because they did not give the meds.

My DS has asthma too, and is on maintenance meds, but just recently had a breakthrough symptoms, so now I have a whole plan at school-- if this, then that, and who to call. Our Dr spelled it out very explicitly for them.

My boy is the opposite of yours, though-- he would try to avoid attention, being shy.

 

:iagree:

 

The school office always needs to err on the side of caution. If they said 'oh, you're fine' and he wasn't that would be infuriating. Even if the parent on the phone says 'he's fine' they can't pass it off...if he wasn't fine everyone would say 'you're the one who could see him wheezing, why did you let someone on the phone make the decision?'

 

The same goes for the wet clothes, that's a kid issue, not an office issue. If a kid comes home soaking wet and parents hadn't received a phone call most parents would be unhappy.

[Unicorn.]

Yes, I would be annoyed. At the boy! I would have a heart to heart about calling wolf, you not believing him, not coming, and him being in full blown attack, possibly resulting in death. He's old enough not to be playing those games, and should be punished. He'd be electronics free for a couple of days, and residing in his room for the rest of today. As far as the school goes; don't they have a school nurse who can make a judgement call in these circumstances?

[BMW]

I have no idea if they have a school nurse on staff... I keep getting this same office lady when these things come up...

 

I am irritated because the lady speaks to me with this tone as though I am in the wrong for questioning and trying to avoid going to the school. Surely I am not the only busy mom... I'd bet most moms work full time!

 

Last year son called home "not feeling well" and was not running a fever, so I said he had to stay at school. This was the day I was getting my daughter out of the hospital and bringing her and her newborn home. Son knew this and wanted attention, too. I had my phone off at the hospital and they called grandma to come get son, saying he was sick and coughing badly. Grandma gets son and brings him home, saying that son is very sick. Grandma leaves and son is just fine, never coughs once and is happy as can be, totally healthy! I am not kidding here. Totally healthy.

 

I wouldn't be upset at the school for not calling me to tell me that he was soaked in the rain... because I know my son and he would do that... and has to have the consequences of it. When I didn't run clothes to him, he didn't do it again. If it happened again, I wouldn't take him clothes, either.

 

I am still annoyed at the lady in the office. I do understand the other POV's... they have to act responsibly and err on the cautious side. I think, however, that I will ask the school counselor if I can write up a guideline list of when to call and what to do... sign it and all... I just am not up to playing "Wolf!" with them.

 

Now, that said, if school called today and son was in the office with an attack, I would head right over and help my son. I am on my way to pick up the rescue inhaler now...

[Scuff]

I would be annoyed that this office lady can't tell the difference between a serious need and a boy who wants to get out of school. But in her defense, it's probably better for her to be safe than sorry.

 

I would be even more annoyed at ds for his dishonesty. I'd have to come up with serious consequences to deter this behavior. (staying inside is a great start. You come home sick, you get a boring life while you are "sick". But since he keeps doing this, I'd up it. Maybe he needs to rest in bed for a day or two after he returns to school. Or maybe he can spend his obviously not sick time scrubbing the walls. But somehow this boy needs to understand that he's not to do this.

[dangermom]

I don't think it's really the office's fault. We can't expect them to take this job on. You could let her know that he has a habit of playing sick to get out of school, though; maybe if she was less sympathetic he'd be less likely to try it.

 

What I would do is make the boy's life so miserable when he tries to get out of school that he will wish he was there. Make him do chores to pay you back for time lost and gas money and anything else you can think of. Give him a bunch of schoolwork since he's missing his, and make it twice as much.

 

I read a story the other day from a man who had faked stomachaches a lot as a child to get out of trouble or work. One day his dad (a doctor) took him to the hospital and took his appendix out...

[Pretty in Pink]

.

Edited May 5, 2012 by Pretty in Pink
Bleh. Sounded snotty.

[Danestress]

Is that they don't always seem as annoying on paper as they are in real life. So while I agree that from what you wrote, I would be annoyed as ds and not the office lady, I am not hearing the little things that make someone really annoying - the irritating nasal voice and the slightly condescending tone, or the subtle rolling of the eyes.

[BMW]

I hear you... the school has to follow proper protocol and it isn't their fault that my son pulls these things... I do think that the office lady doesn't like that she has to call me, either, and maybe she suspects what happens as well and cannot voice an opinion about it... maybe they figure if I get called often enough I'll get tired of it and get son to knock it off! Maybe...

 

PS It feels good to have just vented about it, too... :^)

Edited May 4, 2012 by BMW

[MomatHWTK]

I wouldn't expect the office staff to distinguish between a true asthma attack and a wheezing session, and I wouldn't want them to try. If they guess the wrong way, a child could die. They have to have a uniform set of proceedures for the safety of everyone.

 

I would sit down with DS now and let him know that there will be a specific set of very hard core consequences if he cries wolf again. For my child, (though it hasn't happened) a claim of reaction would mean an epi-pen needle in the leg. He's pretty careful to avoid that. ;-)

Edited May 4, 2012 by MomatHWTK

[RanchGirl]

A little boy died in our school district recently... Respiratory distress, left classroom, parents were called. When they arrived to pick him up, he was dead. So no, I wouldn't be annoyed with the nurse for giving you a ring to come help your son with whatever is going on. If he says he's having an asthma attack, they are responsible for dealing with it.

 

The nurse may well have a rude way of speaking or a nasty attitude, but I would try to get her on your side if at all possible--try bringing in cookies next time you see her.

 

Personally, I would be more than happy to bring dry clothes or medicine or whatever. When my son was in school, it really bothered me that he *didn't* ask for help. He sat through a day with wet socks/shoes from puddles; I said why didn't you have them call me?? Anyway, I think you just need to let your son know what is/isn't worth a trip to the school for you so he's not putting the nurse in the position of having to make a judgement call.

[BMW]

Oh, I'd be happy to take my son dry clothes if her were 6 or 7... even 8. But, not at 12. Nope. I believe it is inappropriate behavior to soak yourself thoroughly between classes at school... and then want you parent to bring you all dry clothes... at that age.

 

I actually do know the dangers of asthma and another one of my sons has been rushed to the ER and has been hospitalized a couple of times due to complications with asthma and pneumonia.

 

Perhaps both the office lady and I are annoyed with son and it comes across to each other...

 

In any event... I have to sit and wonder what moms who work full time do. I cannot imagine that they drop it all and run to the school regularly or even from time to time. I know that we have to list who to call if we cannot be reached and who has permission to pick up our child... I plan to be working full time within a year and have to think things like this through...

 

Thanks, everyone. I don't share my own POV in contradiction to anyone else's... particularly because I asked you all if it would annoy you... so I value all the responses! :001_smile: And next week something like this might not even be on my personal radar... lol.

[OrganicAnn]

I know moms that work full time and they do run to school when they have to. I think the difference you are having to run to school when you think you shouldn't have to. I think that is an issue between yourself and your son.

[Melinda in VT]

Oh, I'd be happy to take my son dry clothes if her were 6 or 7... even 8. But, not at 12. Nope. I believe it is inappropriate behavior to soak yourself thoroughly between classes at school... and then want you parent to bring you all dry clothes... at that age.

 

I actually do know the dangers of asthma and another one of my sons has been rushed to the ER and has been hospitalized a couple of times due to complications with asthma and pneumonia.

 

Perhaps both the office lady and I are annoyed with son and it comes across to each other...

 

In any event... I have to sit and wonder what moms who work full time do. I cannot imagine that they drop it all and run to the school regularly or even from time to time. I know that we have to list who to call if we cannot be reached and who has permission to pick up our child... I plan to be working full time within a year and have to think things like this through...

 

Thanks, everyone. I don't share my own POV in contradiction to anyone else's... particularly because I asked you all if it would annoy you... so I value all the responses! :001_smile: And next week something like this might not even be on my personal radar... lol.

 

I work full-time. From home, but full-time. And I have four kids in the public school system. I think on average I have had to go to school unexpectedly once a year. Some years not at all, some years two or three times.

 

Planning ahead reduces some of the running. Younger kids had one or two complete sets of extra clothes in their cubbies.

 

And some of it is that I have never had a child cry wolf in the middle of the day.

[LaxMom]

Yes, it would totally annoy me.

 

But, given the number of people who try to mask the symptoms of whatever plague their kids have and drop them off at school to share with everyone else, I'm sure it annoys the office lady to hear parents try to "brush off" sick kids. (not saying you're doing that, just saying I'm sure it happens all day long)

 

But the real player here is your son, and I'd be looking to figure out why we're playing this game / laying down the law, if it was playing out at my house.

[Caroline]

I work full time, as does my DH. If one of my kids' schools calls, the front office gets sub coverage for me (I am a high school teacher) before I even get off the phone. The people I work with understand that my kids need me. I cover for other people if they have to leave, and people cover for me if I have to leave. It does not happen all the time, but at least a couple of times a year.

[stripe]

I work full-time. From home, but full-time. And I have four kids in the public school system. I think on average I have had to go to school unexpectedly once a year. Some years not at all, some years two or three times.

 

Being taken out of school was a rarity when I was a kid too. Especially as my school was not near either home or my parents' workplace, it was inconvenient. I think part of this is maturity. I had to deal with problems on my own such as starting my period without any supplies, forgetting my lunch or finding it was moldy, and so forth. I think kids need some help dealing with minor problems. Even if the mom is a SAHM, she shouldn't be running to the school constantly for small things. I do think the office staff should err on the side of calling the parents about sickness. No one wants a sick or dead kid. But I think there should be a nurse handling some of these. I for example remember just going to lie down at the nurse's office, etc.

[TravelingChris]

In the schools I have dealt with in the last few years (through summer programs or my tutoring), all of them had specific asthma plan documents that parents had to fill out. I don't see why the school didn't have an inhaler for your son. All asthmatic people should carry an inhaler around.

 

I also don't understand your deal with distinguishing between wheezing and full blown attack. ANy difficulties with breathing in an asthmatic should necessitate a rescue inhaler so it doesn't progress to a full blown attack. Does your son have a peak flow monitor? Are you using that to check if the breathing is going down?

 

I don't think the school did anything wrong. Your son should not have been in the bushes but you should always have a rescue inhaler at home and one at his school. Actually, he is old enough to carry it around. My asthmatic daughter was doing it at that age.

[Guest submarines]

There was a case recently when a school principal publically said, while justifying his decision to call the police after a 4 year old drew a picture of a gun, that the schools exist to parent the children. Naturally, this statement wasn't received well by homeschoolers, and probably other parents as well.

 

In the OP's case the school is actively trying not to parent, and here again, homeschoolers are annoyed. :confused: How dare the office bother a working mom? Why wouldn't they know my the better and figure out when he's faking?

 

Public schools just can't do it right.

 

FWIW, I think it is too much responsibility for a child (even who's 13) to determine whether he's having a true asthma attack, or just some wheezing. Breathing difficulties can be terrifying. You should encourage him to go to the office if he thinks he's having difficulties breathing, and not to make these decisions on his own.

[BlsdMama]

I would be annoyed at my son, not at people in the office.

 

This. He cried wolf. :glare: They have liability issues and no inhaler. They very well could have protocol to follow. Had the first thing NOT happened (DS exaggerating) the second never would have.

[stripe]

There was a case recently when a school principal publically said, while justifying his decision to call the police after a 4 year old drew a picture of a gun, that the schools exist to parent the children. Naturally, this statement wasn't received well by homeschoolers, and probably other parents as well.

 

In the OP's case the school is actively trying not to parent, and here again, homeschoolers are annoyed. :confused: How dare the office bother a working mom? Why wouldn't they know my the better and figure out when he's faking?

 

Public schools just can't do it right.

I *do* think schools should to call parents when they've been told there is aproblem. I think, however, the issue is whether some kids misrepresent their situation or ASK the office staff to call for every little thing.

 

Homeschoolers shouldn't be annoyed about what schools do or sit around complaining about it; it's not their concern. And yes, schools do act as parents when a kid is there. If they did not, I'd be scared. If someone dies on their watch, they're in trouble. Big trouble. There are parents who mistreat their kids. Some people seem to have trouble understanding this. The idea that "whatever any parent wants for their child is dandy" is, to my mind, offensive. I have seen multiple parents/grandparents/step parents/boyfriends of mothers kill or seriously injure their children in the name of discipline, e.g. an 18 month old drowned in the toilet because he peed on the floor or 6 year olds' hands burned as punishment. Not to mention the cases I've seen where parents offer to prostitute their own children (including as young as 4 months old). So yes, there is a role for a community to set standards about what is indecent and improper, beyond what a parent might think.

[mom2hunangirls]

I, too, think the office staff did what they should have. I can totally imagine the exact opposite post getting everyone fired up too. "my son told them he was having an attack and they would not call me! How dare someone not allow Johnny to call!" kwim?

I remember growing up knowing that if I called home I had better need serious rest and time alone (or a doctor)....because there were no illusions I'd sit and watch PBS all afternoon. And, believe me, I never called home unless I thought solitude was better. I was completely cared for, mind you.

I do understand the position your job puts you in. And I think that's what Ds will have to understand.

Even with the wet clothes...I'd be like you...make them sit in them. But I also have seen enough nut job lawsuits to see why the school won't do that for you. I think your only choice now a days is to take time off and pick up wet Ds and take him home and let him sit in them until school would have been over.

Too many parents with too many parenting philosophies have made it impossible for schools to do common sense disciplining.

But I do appreciate that it is annoying to you, even if it was right what they did.

And, btw, I thought snippy front office staff was part of the school experience. :) Isn't that how we prepare for rude retail staff?? (I worked retail a LOOOONG time, so that's not a dig at anyone....just life.)

[BMW]

mom2hunangirls, you make me laugh!!!! Thanks!

 

Yeah, I think the school does what is right, overall, and I understand why... I think it's okay to know that they did what is right, but also be annoyed at their tone, since we've got a few years' experience going on here, particularly with son.

 

And a bit of clarity on the medication... The school always had an inhaler onhand, but son said this last week that his was thrown out. I was not notified or told to replace it. I don't know if it had expired or had run out, but I was never contacted regarding it. This son has only mild, seasonal asthma. He requires medication about 4-6 weeks a year, at the most. He's had one asthma attack in 13 years. He knows his body and his breathing patterns and capabilities, so I do fault him for crying wolf. He wanted attention and he wanted to not go to class. Did he shake the tree for fun... yeah... did it cause some mild wheezing? That's what he says. I do expect him to drink some water and watch his symptoms and report any changes in breathing. I was not bothered that he called me at all. He told me that they did not have an inhaler, I asked if he'd drank some water and taken a rest, sitting down and he and I decided that should be his next step. Anyway, medication will be taken to the office Monday with physicians instructions and I will write out a detailed course of action that I would prefer followed as well. Because I know my son and his condition.

 

Now, my other son is a whole 'nother story. He can go from mild wheezing to hospitalization within half an hour. My heart rate increases considering the difficulties he's experienced with asthma, just thinking about it!

 

Anyway... :001_smile: New day... follow up talks with son ensued... Sun and sky are gorgeous! It's the best time of the year!!!!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Have you checked with the school to make sure that his inhaler really was thrown out? I would not put a lot of trust in what he says right now. (Yes, he might be telling the truth but he did lie to you and to the office staff when he said he was having trouble breathing.)

[amey311]

There was a case recently when a school principal publically said, that the schools exist to parent the children.

 

I learned this concept in college: in loco parentis.

[tex-mex]

When I worked at my old school district as a teacher, it was the parent's responsibility to keep CURRENT medications in stock. Not the nurse or office. The office would not take the time to write a note to the home if the meds were exipred. Likely the office lady is overworked and exasperated by the OP's son. Liability issues have her calling home with the scenario.

[Trilliums]

 

And a bit of clarity on the medication... The school always had an inhaler onhand, but son said this last week that his was thrown out. I was not notified or told to replace it. I don't know if it had expired or had run out, but I was never contacted regarding it. This son has only mild, seasonal asthma. He requires medication about 4-6 weeks a year, at the most. He's had one asthma attack in 13 years. He knows his body and his breathing patterns and capabilities, so I do fault him for crying wolf. He wanted attention and he wanted to not go to class. Did he shake the tree for fun... yeah... did it cause some mild wheezing? That's what he says. I do expect him to drink some water and watch his symptoms and report any changes in breathing. I was not bothered that he called me at all. He told me that they did not have an inhaler, I asked if he'd drank some water and taken a rest, sitting down and he and I decided that should be his next step. Anyway, medication will be taken to the office Monday with physicians instructions and I will write out a detailed course of action that I would prefer followed as well. Because I know my son and his condition.

 

 

DS has an asthma attack plan with clear instructions based on his peak flow numbers. If this has been a repeated problem with your son, I'd recommend a peak flow meter. Then the office staff will have a better tool for measuring his asthma.

[KungFuPanda]

I don't blame the staff for feeling annoyed. Medical treatment beyond emergency care and administering mid-day meds really shouldn't be their responsibility. They see a child in respiratory distress and a mother who feels too busy to deal with it. They probably have lots of parents who act inconvenienced when they have to retrieve a sick child or who believe a secretary should play nursemaid because they are on-site.

 

That said, they don't know your son or you. They have no way of assessing the situation like you did. I don't blame them for sticking to their guns when you didn't provide them with current medication, BUT they could have done it nicely without making you feel judged. "I'm sorry you had to come down here ma'am, but since we don't have a nurse on staff or an inhaler we have to insist that the parents take responsibility for the child. I'm so relieved that he's looking much better now." A little curtesy goes a long way.

[NotSoObvious]

When I taught first grade, I had kids who cried wolf a lot and the parents and I would try to work on it.

 

Then, I had a child fall, we decided to keep him at school, and later we found out his arm was broke. Then it happened again with a different child!!!

 

After that, I almost allllllways called!!

[BigMamaBird]

It would annoy me, but it sounds like you handled it right. I doubt he'll cry wolf again if he knows that going home doesn't mean fun times.

[nd293]

I would be annoyed at my son, not at people in the office. Even if he did not have homework to bring home with him, he would be doing a lot of school at home that day - not resting, not visiting and not watching tv or playing on the computer. He lied to the office and used the system to his advantage.

 

:iagree:My Mom worked in the school office for many years, and you truly would not believe how irresponsible some parents can be - sending sick (as in vomiting) children, or children with infected sores from ear piercings etc to school and instructing them to see my mother for her to deal with things. The office is only doing its job - sick / wet kids are generally not at their best in a learning environment, which makes them a distraction to others. Obviously as parents we see this in a more nuanced light, based on our own understanding of our children's behavior and motivations, but if they're to be educated in a group setting, then what is good for the group goes. Buy the admin office a nice box of chocolates at the end of the school year to thank them for the work they do to take care of your children :001_smile:

[katilac]

Just a side note on the getting wet and needing clothes: my guess is that the school wants the parents to bring in clean clothes for their convenience as well as the student's. If he's soaking wet, he's probably making quite a mess everywhere he goes. I would bring the clothes, b/c it's not fair to everyone else for him to be dripping all over creation, and then give consequences as needed - maybe an extra trip to the school means you don't have time to bake cookies as planned, etc.

[Laura Corin]

I would be annoyed at my son, not at people in the office. Even if he did not have homework to bring home with him, he would be doing a lot of school at home that day - not resting, not visiting and not watching tv or playing on the computer. He lied to the office and used the system to his advantage.

 

Laura