Danestress Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Facts: Adult son. Two years out of college. Good kid. Good driving record. Well employed but not in a lucrative field. Lives alone in his own apartment, even though I felt like that was sort of a luxury when he made the choice. Wrecked his car last week. Dumb accident. His fault. Nothing terrible involved - no alcohol, no speeding. Wants his Dad to help him shop for a new car. He's really stressed. Money is tight. He had to pay for a rental for the week because his car was in the shop (but insurance declared it a loss). I can't imagine he will get much out of the car from insurance, plus he had a deductible to pay. I'm happy for his Dad to help him shop. I am happy to look online with him. He really had no clue about loan calculators and such when I talked to him. He will want any and all help with the process. We are close. So I am really disinclined to co-sign a note, which I am afraid the lender will want. DS has not asked, and is always reluctant to ask for help, though never reluctant to take it when it's offered. DH and I are in the middle of a home refinance and we just don't want to do that. I don't really want to lend him money, because if he can't pay the bank back, why could he pay us back? I'd rather he just borrow it from the bank. So would you shoot the kid some money as an outright gift if you had it? I mean, it never feels like you have it, right? I could use the money for kids' lessons, school fees, we will have taxes to pay, blah blah. It always feels tight. But realistically, we can "afford" to give him some help, and it's hard to see kids deal with consequences. He'd still be dealing with them, BTW - I am thinking of a gift of $500 or something like that - not a whole car. What says the hive? Natural consequences? Be the generous parents? I do feel like since he chose to live in town, we never have to travel to see him, so that's worth a few hundred here and there, right? On the other hand, he chose to live alone, he had the wreck, and when I lent him money last year for stuff for the apartment, payback was so slow that I finally "gifted" him the money as a graduation present. And do you think there will be pressure for a co-signer from the lender? He is fully employed by a government entity, has no other debt, no school debt, but has only been employed a few months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 My opinion is don't co-sign. Does he have an emergency fund? I think this would qualify. ;) I don't like the idea of taking out a loan on a depreciating asset in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Good kid. Good driving record. Nothing terrible involved - no alcohol, no speeding. He's really stressed. Money is tight. We are close. So would you shoot the kid some money as an outright gift if you had it? realistically, we can "afford" to give him some help Be the generous parents? I'm always on the side for being generous, particularly when it was an honest mistake, no alcohol, etc. Could have happened to the best of us. Life is too short to not help one another out. :grouphug: All of what you stated in the quote above are my reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Ummmm, here is my feeble suggestion (and, ftr, yes I would offer $500.+- when the time was right -- dh and I do that). How 'bout a lease? Generally, the credit checks are not as difficult, and there may be some deals out there. If you can get it done without co-signing, that would of course be preferable as it gives your ds an opportunity to build a credit history. It doesn't sound like the kind of situation where I would be a hard nose about it, but rather one where I would extend grace and mercy. (((hugs)))) to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 My in-laws leant us money when we were first married so that dh could go to grad school. It made all the difference in the world. It took us a long time to pay them back. We had been out of school for probably a year or 2 before we were able to pay them back, but we gave it to them in one big payment. When we gave it to them they told us that we didn't have to, but we felt right about doing it. If you can give him some money or lend him some money I would do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I agree with the others: that these are the kind of circumstances in which I would feel good about giving a gift if I could. I would also not co-sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Don't co-sign. Offer guidance, show him how to deal with entire cost of the car, vs monthly payment, increased insurance costs (which will probably be coming with an accident, especially if he's under 25). We buy used, I refuse to have a 5-7 year car payment. Show him how to buy wisely, that's worth more than any money you can give him. Cars can be the easiest big thing to buy (think -we finance anyone), they can also be the easiest thing to screw up your credit. Don't let him get over his head, but help him swim. I'd be for helping with down payment or gifting him some cash, but only if it will NOT affect your refinance in any way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathkath Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would be inclined to give him half of what a clunker would cost--something reliable but not pretty. Giving is less messy than cosigning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Don't co-sign. Offer guidance, show him how to deal with entire cost of the car, vs monthly payment, increased insurance costs (which will probably be coming with an accident, especially if he's under 25). We buy used, I refuse to have a 5-7 year car payment. Show him how to buy wisely, that's worth more than any money you can give him. Cars can be the easiest big thing to buy (think -we finance anyone), they can also be the easiest thing to screw up your credit. Don't let him get over his head, but help him swim. I'd be for helping with down payment or gifting him some cash, but only if it will NOT affect your refinance in any way. :iagree: I'd only add to discourage him from leasing. Worst scam there is, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would give him up to $1000 toward a car, if I could afford it. I would not cosign a loan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would NOT consign or lend money, but I would go with him and help him pick out a sensible used car. A gift of $500 would really be a lovely gesture along with a bunch of sympathy about how it could happen to anyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I wouldn't co-sign, simply because it would affect your credit and might interfere with your home loan. I also wouldn't loan, but I would gift the money. If you feel you can't gift a lot, perhaps you can send him something like food (pre-cooked meals for two weeks) that would help on his groceries (and therefore free up some money). I would also make the offer that he is free to move back home if he'd like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would give him up to $1000 toward a car, if I could afford it. I would not cosign a loan. I would NOT consign or lend money, but I would go with him and help him pick out a sensible used car. A gift of $500 would really be a lovely gesture along with a bunch of sympathy about how it could happen to anyone. I would prefer to give money. But, I would probably co-sign a loan if there wasn't a good reason not to (too much debt of my own, buying a house, etc). BUT, co-signers are not *usually* necessary when there is collateral involved (like the car). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2_girls_mommy Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would co sign for a good used inexpensive car. I would co-sign because it sounds like he doesn't have an emergency account big enough to cover the cost of a decent car, and it sounds like he works hard and pays his rent and other bills on time, no? I would also do it because it has been done for me and my sister by family members when we were young. They knew we were struggling to get a start in life and that we worked hard and payed our bills. Neither one of us defaulted, ever. We worked multiple jobs when needed, etc. I would give my kids the benefit of the doubt. Of course that is still a risk. There is a chance that you might have to take over (but then I would take the car too!) if payments aren't made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I'm hoping things have changed, but as a young college student, with virtually no credit history, no one would give me a loan for a used car w/o a cosigner. I could only get approval for a new vehicle. And, yes...I'd help out if I could. And if it was a choice between inexpensive, reliable used car I would have to cosign for, or forcing the kid into:grouphug: an$18k loan on a new one, we'll cosign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would give the gift and pass on co-signing. That will make looking for something he can afford easier to begin with vs. falling in love with one that is over his budget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 If he had no other recourse, I would be inclined to give him a one time financial gift to help with a downpayment. However, perhaps he does have recourse. He could take in a roommate. I think he needs to give that a go. He could get a second job, delivering pizzas or working third shift at Taco Bell. PLEASE do not think of these as punishment - they are merely ways to help him learn resourcefulness. As a single young man, I personally believe one should be working every possible opportunity to become debt free and get an emergency fund in place. An emergency fund would have made his current situation an inconvenience rather than a crisis, kwim? If none of the above are possible, and if not having a vehicle would prohibit his transit to work/school, I would go with the gift, but only after walking through both the car-buying and budgeting processes with him. And I'd slide him a copy of Financial Peace if he doesn't already have one. I will never cosign a loan. Never. I would give someone money before I did that. You have any idea how much bad blood and bitterness is generated when the one needing help defaults? Not going there. And no lease! Yes, a dealer will offer a monthly payment you can fit into just about any budget, but often you end up paying the piper big time at the end, with no residual value to put towards the next vehicle. Buy a car and get it paid off so it becomes an asset! Even if the car is a junker, you can sell it for the parts. BTDT. It is very very tempting to save a kid from consequences, especially a good kid who you'd be pleased to shower with gifts and aid. But in so doing, we often deprive them of the chance to see how far they can stretch, which, in the long run, builds their confidence, resourcefulness and resilience. Just my pair o'pennies... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arstephia Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would him give up to $1000, but I would not co-sign. If he has a job, he should be able to get a loan, especially if he has $1000 plus the value of the wrecked car to put toward it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would give him up to $1000 toward a car, if I could afford it. I would not cosign a loan. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I would gift as much money as was prudent/possible. I wouldn't co-sign, though. If he would like it, I'd give ds as much advice as possible about which car to buy, finances, etc. Sorry about his accident; it really could happen to any one of us. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Since you are in the middle of a refinance, I wouldn't co-sign. I would loan him the money if the bank won't give him a loan. I would also make sure his payments are small enough that he could afford to pay me back. Even if it were $25 a month. 2 years out of college, employed, and good credit though.... I think the bank will probably work w/ him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Car loans aren't that difficult to get. Chances are he can get something on his own. The terms might not be awesome, but really there are options out there. I wouldn't sign. If I could help or wanted to help, I'd rather give money towards the downpayment (which of course would be helpful). :iagree: A gift , combined with whatever he gets from the insurance payoff, should be enough either for a clunker or a down payment on a nicer (but still used) vehicle. Though we recently found out when dh wrecked his car that prices in the used car market have gone way up as a result of so many people buying and selling used now that the economy has tanked. We finally found a nice used car after 2 months of searching, but if we had had to buy immediately we would have had to buy a new car. We would have gone economy class, base model, cheap as you can get, but it still would have cost us several thousand more than the used car. We were blessed to have a loaner from my grandparents who rarely drive anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 does he need a car for work, or is it only simpler? dd age 26 is currently using public transport 2.5 hours each way to work. its a natural consequence of choices she has made. she is saving her money. she is considering moving closer to work. she is in the process of trying to change work locations to avoid moving. all of those thoughts would not have happened if we'd stepped in to help with a car.... given current gas and insurance prices, if he could manage without a car for only a few months, he'd save the money he needs to get a new-to-him one.... fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I wouldn't co-sign. He may not need a co-signer, anyway. I secured a loan under similar circumstances when I was still quite young and had virtually no credit to speak of. The interest rate was ridiculous but the payments were managable and I did the whole thing on my own, start to finish. It felt so good to pay off that loan a few years later! I would gift cash if I had it to give, absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Voting as most of the others....give whatever you can to help, but don't co-sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I'd help him with the down payment, as a gift, if i could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Car loans aren't that difficult to get. Chances are he can get something on his own. The terms might not be awesome, but really there are options out there. I wouldn't sign. If I could help or wanted to help, I'd rather give money towards the downpayment (which of course would be helpful). :iagree: with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I'm always on the side for being generous, particularly when it was an honest mistake, no alcohol, etc. Could have happened to the best of us. Life is too short to not help one another out. :grouphug:All of what you stated in the quote above are my reasons. A gift is good. Co-sign? no. I would encourage him to buy cheap and save to pay $$$ for a car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 and has been working for two years - new position now, though, at a higher pay grade. So I would imagine someone would give him a loan. I am mostly worried that if his Dad is with him, the financial department will put the pressure on to co-sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 does he need a car for work, or is it only simpler? Definitely a need. It's a good, long term career type job but the hours are weird a there are lots of shifts. He could not use public transportation in this town. No, definitely a car is non-negotiable. That's America for you:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I'm always on the side for being generous, particularly when it was an honest mistake, no alcohol, etc. Could have happened to the best of us. Life is too short to not help one another out. :grouphug:All of what you stated in the quote above are my reasons. :iagree: I would give him as much money toward the new car as you can afford to pay. He sounds like a great kid who made a mistake that any of us could have made. Honestly, if it were my ds, I'd just buy him a new car. I wouldn't want him to have to stress over having to make payments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 :iagree: I would give him as much money toward the new car as you can afford to pay. He sounds like a great kid who made a mistake that any of us could have made. Honestly, if it were my ds, I'd just buy him a new car. I wouldn't want him to have to stress over having to make payments. But we are actually making payments on a car ourselves because thing are tight. And he has younger siblings. I feel good about getting him through college debt free, but at some point, the gravy train stops, lol. I am glad to read posts saying to help him. That Is my inclination even though he is a grown man. I think he will appreciate that. But we can't just solve the problem by buying a new car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in KY Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I would be inclined to give him half of what a clunker would cost--something reliable but not pretty. Giving is less messy than cosigning. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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