lulubelle Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 another girl not having a hand. She is totally scared. I'm doing my best to talk to her and find out how she is feeling. It doesn't seem to be working and I don't know if anything will. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Has she seen Finding Nemo? He had a bad fin, right? People are just born differently. Should someone be afraid of her because of her skin or hair? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted February 5, 2012 Author Share Posted February 5, 2012 She has seen Nemo and the people are different thing is just not working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Maybe a little extreme for a 5 year old, but depending on how 'mature' she is, have her go around with a sock on her hand and tell her she can not use that hand for an hour...let her feel what it is like to go to the potty, put your clothes on, tie your shoes! Then express how tough it must be for that little girl to overcome her handicap...but what a joy it is to her to have friends around her who understand what it is like and make her feel special. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted February 5, 2012 Author Share Posted February 5, 2012 thanks for the suggestion - that's sounds pretty good! I will give it a try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Try to find out a bit about the girl, tell your daughter about her, discuss whatever might be scaring her, and then try to befriend the girl. My kids have a friend who is missing multiple body parts. At first they were a bit ... surprised (not scared, but surprised) since I don't think they'd realized people could be like that, but after getting to know this child, who is a very nice person, they got along well. But I do think it might be helpful to see what exactly she is concerned about (is she afraid something will happen to her? what it would feel like to be touched by the girl?). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Would more exposure to this difference help. My thought being that on the cbeebies channel here in the UK (channel for under 6s) one of their main presenters called Cerrie, is missing her lower arm. She is so bubbly and non threatening would that be a way to help take away your dd's fear? If you can watch it from outside the UK (maybe via a VPN) then there is a link to a song she is singing here. She is also on most days doing links and you can watch it live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I remember on some of the Barney videos one of the kids was missing the lower part of their arm. I thought it was great they included that child. Perhaps find a bit more info on the child and find similarities between your child and this other girl? Maybe they are both into princess items, or the color blue, math, a certain movie or book. Concentrate on how they are similar rather than on how they are different. My kids are fine with other kids who act different, but were visibly startled the first time they saw a child with cleft palate. They had a lot of questions (did it hurt, why did it happen, is it contagious, etc) at first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted February 5, 2012 Author Share Posted February 5, 2012 Thanks for the BBC link. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Wow, that's a tough one. Dh and I have a friend, Mr. R. He's missing both his lower legs, from the knee down. He uses a wheelchair, and his pants hang down to the floor, so an unobservant child might not notice. Dh and I were talking about Mr. R once, and one of the boys was shocked to find out that he was missing his legs! We thought it was obvious, but you know kids. Anyway, we talked a bit about it, and about how yes, it's not 'ordinary' to be missing your legs. But Mr. R wasn't any different a person now that the boys realized his legs were missing, was he? It helped. At five years old, it can just be confusing. If there's any way you can explain to your dd WHY the girl is missing a hand, that might help. Just have a few talks about how we're ALL different, really. How mommy has curly hair, and daddy has glasses, or whatever. We all have things that make us different, and that's not bad. This little girl just happens to have one hand instead of two. Also, maybe your dd needs reassurance that there's nothing 'wrong' with the little girl. That your dd's hand won't fall off because she touched the girl, etc. I know that might sound silly to an adult, but you know how kids are; they need information to feel comfortable sometimes, and your dd just doesn't have any info or experience with 'people with one hand'. HTH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Might she be misunderstanding how such a disability comes about? My daughter is 7, but is cognitively immature. She was frightened when a little boy we know broke his arm. She thought it broke off! Even after an explanation that time, she continued to imagine arms and legs coming off completely when she heard someone broke a bone. Since breaking of arms and legs is common, your daughter might think it could happen to her. Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Might she be misunderstanding how such a disability comes about? My daughter is 7, but is cognitively immature. She was frightened when a little boy we know broke his arm. She thought it broke off! Even after an explanation that time, she continued to imagine arms and legs coming off completely when she heard someone broke a bone. Since breaking of arms and legs is common, your daughter might think it could happen to her. Just a thought. :iagree: I think it's also important to have her keeping going despite her fear. Being allowed not to go could reinforce her thought that it is something to fear. Having you be nonchalant about it "teaches" her that it is not something to fear. I love all the ideas for exposing her to books/TV shows that have children with disabilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Then express how tough it must be for that little girl to overcome her handicap...but what a joy it is to her to have friends around her who understand what it is like and make her feel special. Someone told me to tell kiddo, when he was little, that the person didn't anything to deserve this, and that it wasn't paining them right now. I'm thinking severe MRCP. That reassured kiddo right out. Does she think it is catching? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I'll throw this out there. When I was 6 or 7, there was a man at our swim club who had lost the lower part of one leg. As soon as he would come on crutches to the pool deck to swim I would run away, hide in a different part of the club and burst into tears. Then I would pretend I was sick so we had to go home. I don't think I was scared per se, but I felt so sad when I saw him. I can't really explain it well, but it felt like the weight of the world had been placed on my shoulders when I saw him. It really affected me deeply. I guess my point is that maybe there is something else in addition to fear that your daughter is feeling. My parents had no idea what was going on, but maybe reassurances that this man was leading a normal life and wasn't in pain would have helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 That's really tough. I second making sure she understands that the loss of a hand is not catching or something that is likely to happen to her or to you or your dh. And that the girl has a totally normal, happy life and can do pretty much everything she can do, though she may do a few things differently. And, I'm pretty sure there's a picture book for this... anyone? I looked, but I didn't see anything that sparked my memory. A book for children about physical disabilities... Honestly, if it was my kids, I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I don't think I'd coddle to this fear at all. I think I'd sit and explain and maybe read a book about it. But then I'd be really stern and be really up front that they were being prejudiced, that it's okay to have questions and be surprised at first, but that it's not okay to be rude or scared because the other girl is a human being, just like them and we don't take that attitude in our family that anyone is less than or wrong for something that's just a part of who they are. I don't know if that's "right" but I'm pretty sure that's what I would do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmama Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 A family at my church has two limb-different children and will soon be adopting their third. Here is one of them playing guitar with his toes. He also plays cello. He can drive and text. He has no arms. No advice for your DD. But maybe the video will be inspiring? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 That's really tough. I second making sure she understands that the loss of a hand is not catching or something that is likely to happen to her or to you or your dh. And that the girl has a totally normal, happy life and can do pretty much everything she can do, though she may do a few things differently. And, I'm pretty sure there's a picture book for this... anyone? I looked, but I didn't see anything that sparked my memory. A book for children about physical disabilities... Honestly, if it was my kids, I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I don't think I'd coddle to this fear at all. I think I'd sit and explain and maybe read a book about it. But then I'd be really stern and be really up front that they were being prejudiced, that it's okay to have questions and be surprised at first, but that it's not okay to be rude or scared because the other girl is a human being, just like them and we don't take that attitude in our family that anyone is less than or wrong for something that's just a part of who they are. I don't know if that's "right" but I'm pretty sure that's what I would do. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Honestly, if it was my kids, I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I don't think I'd coddle to this fear at all. I think I'd sit and explain and maybe read a book about it. But then I'd be really stern and be really up front that they were being prejudiced, that it's okay to have questions and be surprised at first, but that it's not okay to be rude or scared because the other girl is a human being, just like them and we don't take that attitude in our family that anyone is less than or wrong for something that's just a part of who they are. I don't know if that's "right" but I'm pretty sure that's what I would do. That's the approach I've taken when discussing such things, but my kids already had experience with their friend, and one of my children regularly is stared at in public so we get the staring/pointing-is-rude thing. I have an old book about manners and it emphasizes that all people have dignity and staring or being rude because someone looks different (skin color, wheelchair, unusual features) is not appropriate AND it's ok to ask parents about it later but not to make the prson uncomfortable by talking about them. My kids seemed to get it, but I haven't quite dealt with fear. I also told my kids when I was five, I went swimming with a girl who'd take off her prostheses at the pool. We all thought she was so cool. There seem to be some useful books listed here on amazon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 In addition to making sure your dd knows it isn't a contagious condition, I would emphasize their similarities. For my dds, I would focus on the ways the other little girl is like them instead of how she is different. Does she dress all in pink, wear sparkly shoes, have a Dora backpack, or anything else common and recognizable to your dd? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 It is hard to balance this kind of thing. On one hand you don't want her to continue doing this or think she can pick or chose on what you are going to do based on who else is doing it BUT she is five and she's afraid and sometimes forcing something makes it worse. It might help to think about what you would do if her fear reaction was to something you find more rational: spiders, snakes, big dogs, so forth. I'm not sure how getting her a cute puppy will help like it did with my ds, but if there are fears that you would "respect" in a five year old then think about it that way. And next time, maybe don't tell her in advance. Sometimes too much prep back fires. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted February 5, 2012 Author Share Posted February 5, 2012 A couple of dance classes ago, I picked her up and she was standing next to the teacher looking very sad, while all the other girls were dancing and having fun. I knew right then that it had to do with the new girl. The teacher said she had just burst out into tears during class. We talked about the girl that night and when I said something she said she didn't want to talk about it. But, we did. I thought it was a great talk. But, it did nothing. The following week, I picked her up from preschool and said we were heading to dance. She refused to buckle her seat until I said she did not have to go to dance. I made her buckle and said she was going. She cried in the car for 10 minutes and it just didn't seem right to force her to go. We just happen to be listening to the Great Brain in the car this week and I thought that would be helpful as well. But, she is still saying she doesn't want to go back. Today, we showed her the preview to Soul Surfer to show her another girl with a missing arm. She was fearful just looking at the girl and turning her head. She seemed exhausted afterward. I know she can be accepting. I just don't think it is going to be now. I sent a message to her teacher to let her know what is going on with her and the teacher was very helpful and even offered for her to move to a different class. The next class is tomorrow. I will do my best to get her there, but I don't think I will force it on her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Does she realize that it isn't bloody? She might be imagining a fresh wound. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 That's really tough. I second making sure she understands that the loss of a hand is not catching or something that is likely to happen to her or to you or your dh. And that the girl has a totally normal, happy life and can do pretty much everything she can do, though she may do a few things differently. And, I'm pretty sure there's a picture book for this... anyone? I looked, but I didn't see anything that sparked my memory. A book for children about physical disabilities... Honestly, if it was my kids, I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I don't think I'd coddle to this fear at all. I think I'd sit and explain and maybe read a book about it. But then I'd be really stern and be really up front that they were being prejudiced, that it's okay to have questions and be surprised at first, but that it's not okay to be rude or scared because the other girl is a human being, just like them and we don't take that attitude in our family that anyone is less than or wrong for something that's just a part of who they are. I don't know if that's "right" but I'm pretty sure that's what I would do. :iagree:My dd would not be missing once dance class because of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 A couple of dance classes ago, I picked her up and she was standing next to the teacher looking very sad, while all the other girls were dancing and having fun. I knew right then that it had to do with the new girl. The teacher said she had just burst out into tears during class. We talked about the girl that night and when I said something she said she didn't want to talk about it. But, we did. I thought it was a great talk. But, it did nothing. The following week, I picked her up from preschool and said we were heading to dance. She refused to buckle her seat until I said she did not have to go to dance. I made her buckle and said she was going. She cried in the car for 10 minutes and it just didn't seem right to force her to go. We just happen to be listening to the Great Brain in the car this week and I thought that would be helpful as well. But, she is still saying she doesn't want to go back. Today, we showed her the preview to Soul Surfer to show her another girl with a missing arm. She was fearful just looking at the girl and turning her head. She seemed exhausted afterward. I know she can be accepting. I just don't think it is going to be now. I sent a message to her teacher to let her know what is going on with her and the teacher was very helpful and even offered for her to move to a different class. The next class is tomorrow. I will do my best to get her there, but I don't think I will force it on her. She sounds sad, not scared. Does she know that it doesn't hurt at all? I'd make that REALLY clear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 When our middle daughter was 4 yrs old, she suddenly stopped speaking. She started using our oldest daughter's picture cards (pecs) and using sign language. She would only speak if she couldn't communicate any other way. I tolerated it for about three weeks before I couldn't take it anymore. It turns out that dd (without any other sibling to compare herself) thought that at some point ALL kids quit talking until they became grown up. Most of the older kids she saw were from our oldest dd's class with some type of disability. She had thought she would get a jump start on using picture cards and sign language before losing her voice. She was very relieved to learn she wouldn't quit talking one day. Sometimes those little brains think in odd ways. :) I hope you figure out what's going on. I don't guess there's any chance of inviting the other girl over for a playdate to help your dd realize that it's not that big a deal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 :iagree: I have a child with missing digits on his hand and his toes. It would actually upset me to know that a family wasn't coming because the child couldn't handle seeing my son. We had an ADULT refuse to hold his hand when he was 4. I was beyond angry. Dawn :iagree:My dd would not be missing once dance class because of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Honestly, if it was my kids, I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I don't think I'd coddle to this fear at all. I agree at 6, but 5, particularly early five, is still in a land of magic. It is dance, not leaving the house or talking to old Uncle George, who you see often. It would depend on the child .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2absh Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 My dd would have a hard time with this because she becomes emotionally involved with almost anything she interacts with. She had a hard time with Soul Surfer, too - it made her sad and frightened at the same time. She's just extremely sensitive. I don't think your dd is being prejudiced, and I don't think this is something you can reason with her about. She may be too young to explain the big feelings she has about this other child, but she does feel something profound. It might be better for both her and the other child that they not be together right now - imagine how the other child would feel, if she realized how your dd felt! When your dd is a little older, you can try again. Some kids are just really sensitive, and you can't talk them out of it. J A couple of dance classes ago, I picked her up and she was standing next to the teacher looking very sad, while all the other girls were dancing and having fun. I knew right then that it had to do with the new girl. The teacher said she had just burst out into tears during class. We talked about the girl that night and when I said something she said she didn't want to talk about it. But, we did. I thought it was a great talk. But, it did nothing. The following week, I picked her up from preschool and said we were heading to dance. She refused to buckle her seat until I said she did not have to go to dance. I made her buckle and said she was going. She cried in the car for 10 minutes and it just didn't seem right to force her to go. We just happen to be listening to the Great Brain in the car this week and I thought that would be helpful as well. But, she is still saying she doesn't want to go back. Today, we showed her the preview to Soul Surfer to show her another girl with a missing arm. She was fearful just looking at the girl and turning her head. She seemed exhausted afterward. I know she can be accepting. I just don't think it is going to be now. I sent a message to her teacher to let her know what is going on with her and the teacher was very helpful and even offered for her to move to a different class. The next class is tomorrow. I will do my best to get her there, but I don't think I will force it on her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimom Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 You have had some great suggestions, however, please do NOT force your child on this other child, it is absolutely not fair to the other child who has to deal with the constant stares, questions, day in and day out. It is not the other child's job to help your daughter get over this, it is yours.... The reason I am so adamant is that I am essentially that "other child's" mom (in theory) ..... I had to hold her while she cried at the swim meet today while yet another 5 year old today kept bombarding her with questions even though I kept trying to deflect her, letting the young child know that I, the mother, would answer the questions. She's a kid, and shouldn't be subjected to that. So again, some great ideas, please, please keep talking to your daughter as she has nothing to fear. Curiosity is normal and I'm happy to answer any questions I can. Hopefully this child's mom would too, just not in front of the little girl, ok. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 I would be afraid that the handless child would pick up on my child's nervousness or fear, and that my child's nervousness or fear would be upsetting to that child. So if I had a child that didn't want to go to dance class at age 5 for this reason, part of me would be afraid to make her do it, because what if she does something that is upsetting to the other kid? Even something unintentional, like trying not to look at her? I would think that the child without a hand shouldn't have to be an ambassador all the time, that she just wants to dance, and that she should be able to do so without my child making it awkward. And at age five, I am not sure I could just talk my child into not being scared. This is a really tricky one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 I agree at 6, but 5, particularly early five, is still in a land of magic. It is dance, not leaving the house or talking to old Uncle George, who you see often. It would depend on the child .... Yes... I know that when I speak sternly like that to my kids, that they sit up and listen, even at a young age - but different families have different dynamics and some kids just wouldn't be able to get it at that age. Can the OP maybe point out that nothing can change the fact that this girl is missing her hand, but that her dd does have it in her power to decide to be nice to her and make the world a better place for her? Maybe too deep for a five yo... but I've always tried to emphasize to my kids that while it's hard sometimes, we are all in charge of our own emotions and reactions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ByGrace3 Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Has she seen the movie dolphin tail? I could see something like that helping . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Yes... I know that when I speak sternly like that to my kids, that they sit up and listen, even at a young age - but different families have different dynamics and some kids just wouldn't be able to get it at that age. Can the OP maybe point out that nothing can change the fact that this girl is missing her hand, but that her dd does have it in her power to decide to be nice to her and make the world a better place for her? Maybe too deep for a five yo... but I've always tried to emphasize to my kids that while it's hard sometimes, we are all in charge of our own emotions and reactions. I don't think that's too deep for a five year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Yes... I know that when I speak sternly like that to my kids, that they sit up and listen, even at a young age - but different families have different dynamics and some kids just wouldn't be able to get it at that age. I guess I know my son wouldn't have been bothered by that (he would have gone out of his way to request I google Xrays!), so that if a child was bothered by it, I would think it significant, not just an "uck!" whim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Can the OP maybe point out that nothing can change the fact that this girl is missing her hand, but that her dd does have it in her power to decide to be nice to her and make the world a better place for her? Maybe too deep for a five yo... but I've always tried to emphasize to my kids that while it's hard sometimes, we are all in charge of our own emotions and reactions. Yep. We would approach it from the POV of "What would happen if everyone acted like you are about this?" and "How would you want to be treated?" I would not let her change dance classes. She would have to get over it or lose the chance to be in dance class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 One of my arms is very short and has limited mobility, and the hand on that arm is small and missing a finger. I find that really little kids aren't even aware that there is anything different about me. Around age 4-6, they notice and it often takes up a lot of "mental space" for them as they try to figure things out. I remember having twins who had known me most of their life suddenly run away and not be able to be in the same room with me, because they had just noticed my arm and didn't know what to do about it. Sometimes kids are freaked out because they are intensely curious, but know they are not supposed to stare or ask questions. That doesn't sound like what's going on with your daughter, but if it is, showing her pictures and answering questions in advance can be helpful. I find that kids who are wondering about my arm usually want to hear: - it doesn't hurt. - I was born this way. - I can do almost everything that you can do. - I feel fine about having my arm be this way. It might help your daughter to walk through questions like "what kinds of things do you think she likes to play?", and to learn a bit more about who the little girl is, so that she can start thinking of her as something more than THE GIRL WITHOUT A HAND. Right now, that's literally all she knows about her, so it's not surprising to me that it overwhelms her. It would be good if she could start trying to see her as a GIRL, like other girls, with her missing hand just one piece of a full and interesting life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 As the mother of a child who has obvious bodily differences -if your DD can't get over it then swap her out of the class - it isn't nice for the other child to have to deal with that - especially if the other child is only 5 too. It's common for little kids to fixate on things being perfect. All my kids still fall to pieces if they get a broken cookie or a crinkled page in a book. It's a normal stage in childhood. Around 5 they start realising not everything has to be/is perfect -my DD is just learning that now and starting to accept it. Keep talking to your DD but it might take her a while to get her head around it - until then swap the class. You might want to try some conditioning at home - give her a torn piece of paper and ask her to write on it -or give her a broken cookie for a snack - if she comments on it you can use the opportunity to explain how the cookie still tastes good broken or the piece of paper is still able to be used with a little tear in it. When she becomes accepting of those situations then maybe bring up the girl and her hand again. A good place to take children to help them get over their fear of those who look different is a nursing home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 One of my arms is very short and has limited mobility, and the hand on that arm is small and missing a finger. I find that really little kids aren't even aware that there is anything different about me. Around age 4-6, they notice and it often takes up a lot of "mental space" for them as they try to figure things out. I remember having twins who had known me most of their life suddenly run away and not be able to be in the same room with me, because they had just noticed my arm and didn't know what to do about it. Sometimes kids are freaked out because they are intensely curious, but know they are not supposed to stare or ask questions. That doesn't sound like what's going on with your daughter, but if it is, showing her pictures and answering questions in advance can be helpful. I find that kids who are wondering about my arm usually want to hear: - it doesn't hurt. - I was born this way. - I can do almost everything that you can do. - I feel fine about having my arm be this way. It might help your daughter to walk through questions like "what kinds of things do you think she likes to play?", and to learn a bit more about who the little girl is, so that she can start thinking of her as something more than THE GIRL WITHOUT A HAND. Right now, that's literally all she knows about her, so it's not surprising to me that it overwhelms her. It would be good if she could start trying to see her as a GIRL, like other girls, with her missing hand just one piece of a full and interesting life. :iagree: My dh gets questions about his walk all the time. As an adult he can easily answer just like you. What has been interesting to me is as children they will still ask him, but adults always seem to ask me privately why my dh walks the way he does. His standard answer is he was born that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 (edited) I agree at 6, but 5, particularly early five, is still in a land of magic. It is dance, not leaving the house or talking to old Uncle George, who you see often. It would depend on the child .... Your dd is still young. I would say maybe over-empathic (I have a dd who is over-empathic) -- I may get flamed here (and i would prefer not to) but I don't see what the big deal is about moving her to another class -- she's five -- not eleven. I would continue discussions and raising awareness but not to the point of excessiveness. She will have to get to a level of comfort with this on her own. You can facilitate that, but certainly nothing more than that; I don't think it can be forced.....and I am not saying that anyone here suggested forcing it, just saying that your dd will have to arrive at the level you desire on her own -- even at her young age. I would approach it from the point of view that your dd is likely concerned or sad that this little girl is in pain, or it hurt her when this happened -- when I was five, stuff like that would have me in tears for days...because I would feel so sad for the individual. FTR, I'm not talking about coddling your dd, I am talking about being sensitive to her emotions about this -- let her know that you are hearing her voice....in this process, it is vital that your dd knows that her voice is being heard by you. Edited February 6, 2012 by MariannNOVA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Your dd is still young. I would say maybe over-empathic (I have a dd who is over-empathic) -- I may get flamed here (and i would prefer not to) but I don't see what the big deal is about moving her to another class -- she's five -- not eleven. I would continue discussions and raising awareness but not to the point of excessiveness. She will have to get to a level of comfort with this on her own. You can facilitate that, but certainly nothing more than that; I don't think it can be forced.....and I am not saying that anyone here suggested forcing it, just saying that your dd will have to arrive at the level you desire on her own -- even at her young age. I would approach it from the point of view that your dd is likely concerned or sad that this little girl is in pain, or it hurt her when this happened -- when I was five, stuff like that would have me in tears for days...because I would feel so sad for the individual. FTR, I'm not talking about coddling your dd, I am talking about being sensitive to her emotions about this -- let her know that you are hearing her voice. :iagree: I'm also concerned that too much talk and drama (on her part) about this will actually make this worse. Much better to quietly remove her from the class or switch to another and don't ever say to her why so she doesn't get reinforcement on the issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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