LibraryLover Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 FTR, we don't do the expenisve, wooing, flower dates. Usually dinner, walking around Lowes, grocery shop types dates. Next date night we plan on seeing a movie we both want to watch. We do that. I'm a for sure sure thing if you take me to a good foodie market. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
higginszoo Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Yes, we try to get out a couple of times a month, either in the evening or for lunch. It's easier now that 3 of the dc are babysitting age. We were lucky to get out 3-4 times a year when they were younger. And yeah, sometimes it's a nice dinner, occasionally a movie, but more often Panera and Home Depot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 We do that. I'm a for sure sure thing if you take me to a good foodie market. :lol: Same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Um, if by 'date' you mean meet up a couple times in the walk-in closet for teA, yeah. Yeah, we do that! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Yes, and we get along better when were within a month of our 'couple' time. My mom is local and LOVES taking our kids off our hands, so we shoot for a couple times a month of alone time. Dinner, movie, etc. We get overnights about once a month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 :grouphug:Darla:grouphug: What I've been known to do is TELL Wolf, "We're going out". I found that talking about it w/the future in mind didfn't accomplish anything. Saying, "I want to go out tonight/tomorrow/this wknd/my birthday" works. A concrete day and time, otherwise it just didn't happen. Yeah. I think I need to be very much more direct with him. Past experience tells me this. I know better, but I've been a little touchy about this and need to get over it I guess. He's a great guy, really. Just oblivious sometimes. :tongue_smilie: Wow, Darla, that stinks. That would tick me off, never mind feeling slightly less supportive. I know you said that you've talked, but can you say something extremely specific like, "I am feeling extremely neglected since your education has become a hobby. I would like a hobby at some point. I would also like to feel like I could occupy some of your time. I would like to go out as a couple X number of times per month. I will plan half of the outings, and I expect you to plan half." Does he have a smart phone? Have him get Groupon and look for deals on special outings. Some guys really do need you to lay out *exactly* what your expectations are. But, it won't make a difference for some of them, I know this. :( Yes. I'm discovering that his obliviousness combined with my lack of assertiveness is creating problems. I still have hope though. He can be thoughtful, and is generally not a jack*ss. I've met men who did take their wives out often whom I would NOT want to be married to. It's not the going places and spending money I want. It's just being made to feel important. I honestly think he has no clue how this whole marriage thing is supposed to work. It's not just a simple matter of not leaving someone. His parents divorced when he was young. I don't want that kind of marriage, obviously.) Mine just sort of didn't get divorced. They had nothing in common though & didn't seem to much enjoy each other's company. I don't want that either. I'm just going to have to make my move. I'm married to the guy and I guess if once or twice I asked a guy, out in high school (I used to have no problem being more direct. Not sure what happened...), I can handle this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 I'm just going to have to make my move. I'm married to the guy and I guess if once or twice I asked a guy, out in high school (I used to have no problem being more direct. Not sure what happened...), I can handle this. Yes you can! And it's not at all like asking a guy out on a date. It's a simple tomorrow we are going to dinner at X then to a movie. Should we see Y or Z? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Darla, I think one of the best things I did for my marriage was to sit my dh down and lay it out for him. He said things like, "I think our marriage is fine." I said, "I don't want fine. I want amazing. All of this isn't worth it for fine." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) We used to date more before our dd. We have no extended family locally. There are friends, but they have their own family and dates. I do think it's important to date your spouse: 1) keep relationship kindled and 2) set example of marriage harmony to child/ren - husband/wife relationship comes before parent/child relationship. DH and I just spoke about this topic. DD is now old enough to stay home alone for a short period of time. We may do that on a weekend day for 2-3 hours tops. Not at night though. Edited January 23, 2012 by sheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 We kind of do. Not like when we first dated. Our dates consist of going for a ride in the van without the kids. My oldest is 14 and she can now babysit. Or going grocery shopping together. That's pretty much it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Darla, I think one of the best things I did for my marriage was to sit my dh down and lay it out for him. He said things like, "I think our marriage is fine." I said, "I don't want fine. I want amazing. All of this isn't worth it for fine." Wise, wise words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 No, we don't have date nights. We enjoy the same things and spend pretty much all our time together, since we own a business. In our relationship, teA is more important than date nights ;). We physically touch each other throughout the day. I'm surprised if he walks by me in the kitchen and doesn't somehow physically connect to me. We'll be married for 18 years in May. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Darla, I think one of the best things I did for my marriage was to sit my dh down and lay it out for him. He said things like, "I think our marriage is fine." I said, "I don't want fine. I want amazing. All of this isn't worth it for fine." Can I borrow that? It might sound nicer than "I don't feel like smothering you in your sleep most nights. Is that really good enough for you?" :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Can I borrow that? It might sound nicer than "I don't feel like smothering you in your sleep most nights. Is that really good enough for you?" :tongue_smilie: Yup, btdt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Kind of. DH seems to really need couple time out of the house. So we used to have my parents take DS(they adore him and try to take him every weekend and we had to limit that) and would rent a movie, go to the library, walk around a store or a park, or go for a drive/picnic. With DD being so young, we haven't had those for awhile, but will start up again when she's weaned. Only 3 months in and I can tell it's getting to him. Poor guy, I don't have the same need for this as he does, but I make it a priority for him. He has no need to watch baseball or play board games, but he makes it a priority because that's what I enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Darla, I think one of the best things I did for my marriage was to sit my dh down and lay it out for him. He said things like, "I think our marriage is fine." I said, "I don't want fine. I want amazing. All of this isn't worth it for fine." I'm learning quite a bit here. :) And if I may...hotel tEa is much less inhibited. And no, I didn't say that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) We try to go out every Saturday, but of course sometimes it doesn't work. That's our goal, though. We like to go get dinner (even if it's just a Chipotle burrito) and then do something--sometimes a movie, sometimes errands, quite often we just go hang out at the bookstore. Every once in a while we go up to the observatory in the park. If we're feeling poor we might stay home, but still make it a 'date.' My 8yo is always severely disappointed if she doesn't get a babysitter on Saturday night. She thinks it's a big treat, and the very best is when one particular babysitter brings over her Brady Bunch DVD! :lol: It has really been wonderful for us, and we look forward to it a lot. I've been sick this week and didn't get a date last night, and now I don't feel right! We just had our 16th anniversary. We did not make dating a priority at first when we had our first kid. It wasn't until we were about to have #2 that my husband proposed a schedule for dating, and I leaped at it. My friend had a system where she had a babysitter who just showed up every Friday at 6pm unless otherwise arranged, and we took that idea and used it--it was perfect because I didn't have to remember to make a phone call days ahead of time. It worked great for a long time until our babysitter went to college. Now I have 3 girls I alternate between. Edited January 23, 2012 by dangermom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarthaAl Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 We go out every Wednesday. We usually go to dinner and sometimes shop afterwards. Nice reconnecting in the middle of the week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Can I borrow that? It might sound nicer than "I don't feel like smothering you in your sleep most nights. Is that really good enough for you?" :tongue_smilie: By all means, borrow it. But, suggesting that you sometimes do feel like smothering him in his sleep might not *hurt* your cause. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 I'm learning quite a bit here. :) And if I may...hotel tEa is much less inhibited. And no, I didn't say that. I don't need a hotel, I just need the kids out of the house for a while. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 But, suggesting that you sometimes do feel like smothering him in his sleep might not *hurt* your cause. :D You know, when my youngest was just a few weeks old, and waking every 2 hours or so to nurse, I kind of said something along those lines to dh. It was one of the many night diaper changes, and I was so tired. The baby was crying, I was changing his poop diaper, engorged and leaking everywhere, and just plain sore. I looked over at dh sleeping so soundly, and felt a surge of rage. I wanted to smash the poop diaper right in his face. I resisted, and settled on nursing the baby instead. The next day I confessed to dh how angry I felt towards him and resented that he was well, not me. He came home from work that evening, made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, plopped me in a hot bath, put the older kids to bed, and presented me with Ben & Jerry's ice cream. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Yes, we do. It's something we look forward to. It's really nice. We do about what you all do, shop, out to dinner, just spending time with each other and talking. We have been married almost 21 years. Still madly in love with each other! :iagree: I LOVE planning fun special dates...either by ourselves or with other couples. My fave site for great ideas: http://www.thedatingdivas.com/date-night/all-dates/ Oh, we'll be married 24 years this April. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 We never really needed "date night". We had lots of little kids all at once, and on the rare times I was able to arrange for a sitter, it was usually so I could go to the midwife for a "check", or so that I could do the grocery shopping without taking multiple toddlers along. We found our time--mostly the first 20 minutes or so after dh came home from work, while he was showering. My dc didn't watch much tv, so they were really happy to watch a video during the 20-30 minutes. It was our time to chat while dh cleaned up & changed clothes. We also talked a lot as we lay in bed after the kids went to sleep. We were sleep-deprived anyway, and were very content to simply catch a few minutes cuddling & talking. We'd hold hands in church once in a while, and that counted too. It's been almost 24 years. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homeschooling6 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Yes, every Saturday :001_smile:. My dad lives 10 feet away which is nice. We went years without having a regular date night. I look forward to it every week. It's mostly running errands, Target, groceries and sometimes Half Price Books:D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 No, and I miss it. We've had a terrible time getting a sitter "full time" or "regularly". Sometimes we can get a relative, but often it's more pain then it's worth. I am determined to go on at least 12 this year though! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 We try to get a weekly lunch date in, or dinner. I don't think we've been able in about 6 weeks. We did lie in bed together, cuddle and talk the other day. Anything that makes us feel connected works. I want to get back to lunch dates. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 No. We don't date. It's just not anything we've ever considered. Besides, I'm an easy lay. He doesn't have to buy me dinner first. :D Mwahaha. I think that is half the key to a happy marriage. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertmum Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 If a friend is willing to babysit, then we go out for dinner, or a movie. We see it as an opportunity to relax (no need to worry ds will fall down the mall's escalator, etc.) and the chance to have an adult conversation and be able to speak in complete sentences (ds is a chatterbox). I get the chance to wear completely impractical high heels :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett_ashley Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 I'm going to try and work up something like this for my husband for Valentine's Day. http://shannonbrown.typepad.com/life_in_general/lets-go-on-a-date.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Yes we do! I used to get annoyed by all of you who sound so content to be with your kids 100% of the time, w/o any alone time with your husbands but I'm over that now. :) It's all a matter of perspective. By the time dh and I had been together for 7 years, we'd had three major deaths in the family, three kids, and an out-of-state move. Those were the rocky years and while we should've clung to each other, we were divided instead on many fronts. Life finally evened out around year 8, thank God! Now that our two oldest children are able to stay home alone and/or babysit, we take advantage about once a week and go out to eat together or run errands. We've been together for 16 years (married 14 1/2) and we LOVE dating each other. Not having to pay for a babysitter helps. The kids occasionally get annoyed but then we remind them that they won't be around forever and when they're gone, dh and I need to have things that interest us as a couple, beyond them. And then they see us kiss and flirt and they're good. They get it, at least to some extent. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 we do something a couple times a month, though more if you count errands. we do try to have time in the evening after dudeling is down. I have a nocturnal older who only talks at night, and 2dd is only home late at night (it seems.). We try to get away for a few days at least once a year. we had our first vacation in sept. with us and dudeling and no one else. I expect many more of those. we'll be celebrating our 30th in April. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Can I ask how you manage to keep your marriage healthy and connected? I'm not being snarky at all, genuinely curious. I've found that if I don't get some alone time w/Wolf, our marriage tends to be more strained. Perhaps it's as simple as getting out of the house, away from the kids for an hour recharges me, I get to be Imp vs Mom for just a bit...perhaps it's being able to have a conversation w/out little ears around... So, how do you manage w/out breaks, times when it's just the 2 of you, even for an hr? Or is it that you take that time when kids are asleep, you're just not leaving the house to do it? I'm always looking for ways to learn about how to keep my marriage strong :001_smile: Ealy bedtimes for the dc, Sunday school, choir practice, or other church activity, talking over the dc's heads while they play...I dunno. What else do you do when there are young children in the home? Not everyone has grandparents who can keep the children, or the money to pay babysitters or friends to swap childcare with. Now that we've been empty nesters for almost 15 years, we have lots of quality time together. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 :grouphug:Darla:grouphug: What I've been known to do is TELL Wolf, "We're going out". I found that talking about it w/the future in mind didfn't accomplish anything. Saying, "I want to go out tonight/tomorrow/this wknd/my birthday" works. A concrete day and time, otherwise it just didn't happen. Yeah, then he (my dh, I won't presume to put words into the mouth of yours!) says "Oh, ok. Where do you want to go?" And I say "Dude! YOU are taking ME on a date. YOU are supposed to do the work and I'm supposed to go along, look pretty and smile a lot, ok?" :lol: We don't date any more unless watching vintage Dr Who after the kids are in bed counts. :rolleyes: I find myself thinking about the dates we used to go on and wishing we still could, but I think it is less about time for just the two of us and more about how it would be nice to go out with people old enough to sit and converse nicely for the duration of dinner... Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted January 23, 2012 Author Share Posted January 23, 2012 :DThank you all for answering my questions. :D We use our date afternoons to reconnect for the week. We don't spend a lot of money usually on these afternoons it's mostly just a great deal of hand holding, talking and coffee drinking. ;) If you would like to see what we did yesterday ...check out my blog. It was an amazing afternoon. Again...thanks for all you input!:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Now that Harry Potter is over, no. We used to make a date out of going to see the movies. Once in a while we will go out for our anniversary. Other than that, we hardly ever go on dates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 :DThank you all for answering my questions. :D We use our date afternoons to reconnect for the week. We don't spend a lot of money usually on these afternoons it's mostly just a great deal of hand holding, talking and coffee drinking. ;) If you would like to see what we did yesterday ...check out my blog. It was an amazing afternoon. Again...thanks for all you input!:001_smile: That sounds like an awesome day! You have adorable kids and a pretty cute dog (Husky mix?). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 When my kids were younger (say the twins being 3 and then the 2 yo), and I was having a meltdown, I'd call him at work and tell him to COME HOME and that he was taking me out. Look, when your wife calls you at work crying, barely coherent, you make sure it happens. Yes, we still date, but it's much easier now with a 17 yo Dd in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted January 23, 2012 Author Share Posted January 23, 2012 Darla...she's some crazy border collie mix. ;) Thanks for the sweet comments!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Darla, I think one of the best things I did for my marriage was to sit my dh down and lay it out for him. He said things like, "I think our marriage is fine." I said, "I don't want fine. I want amazing. All of this isn't worth it for fine." LOVE it. This is the sentiment I've been trying to get across to my dh for quite some time, but you've put it so well. I wonder why it is that for a lot of dh's, 'fine' is what they're shooting for. But for a lot of us wives, we want GREAT. I wonder if it's that us women tend to be more apt to romanticise things, and men tend to be more, I don't know, more 'meh, good enough for me'. (Sorry for the generalizations, and I know we're all different and all that.) Can I borrow that? It might sound nicer than "I don't feel like smothering you in your sleep most nights. Is that really good enough for you?" :tongue_smilie: This made me LOL. While my dh would be a bit offended if he understood that to mean that SOME nights I DO feel like somothering him, it would definitely make one's point, now wouldn't it. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) Yes we do! I used to get annoyed by all of you who sound so content to be with your kids 100% of the time, w/o any alone time with your husbands but I'm over that now. :) It's all a matter of perspective. By the time dh and I had been together for 7 years, we'd had three major deaths in the family, three kids, and an out-of-state move. Those were the rocky years and while we should've clung to each other, we were divided instead on many fronts. Life finally evened out around year 8, thank God! Now that our two oldest children are able to stay home alone and/or babysit, we take advantage about once a week and go out to eat together or run errands. We've been together for 16 years (married 14 1/2) and we LOVE dating each other. Not having to pay for a babysitter helps. The kids occasionally get annoyed but then we remind them that they won't be around forever and when they're gone, dh and I need to have things that interest us as a couple, beyond them. And then they see us kiss and flirt and they're good. They get it, at least to some extent. :) I think it is all about what makes you tick. I would love to get away from the kids sometimes, but I do not want to go somewhere, I want the house back. (Although I know it will happen far too soon. :) ) DH and I are mostly homebodies, and prefer to stay in over going out. When the kids are in thier teens I could see us going out more, just to get a little more alone time. Still, I have a feeling when we become empty nesters it will be back to homebodies. :D FTR- I do not think that not dating = just fine. In our case we do not date, but have a great marriage. Edited January 23, 2012 by BLA5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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