If your child has a best friend, where did they meet?

[PhotoGal]

We just started homeschooling this fall and the kids are starting to drift away from their old school friends. Today my daughter lamented that she no longer has a "best friend." They have Chinese school 3 times a week, but I think it is hard to make friends there because they can only speak Chinese (so that limits what they can say to each other!). They also take a couple once-per-week homeschool classes where they know some kids but not to the point of being best friends. Is there a way to find a best friend without seeing them everyday (such as in a school setting)?

[Parrothead]

Neighborhood, holiday get-to-togethers, and church is where dd has met her 3 besties.

[MamaT]

My 14yo's best friends came from church, and 12yo's from gymnastics (but they also go to church with us).

[AK_Mom4]

DD10 met her best friend skiing - we already knew the mom from church, but the kids had never met because we go to different services.

[5 Hikers]

Church mainly for my kids, but I had to do some work. You might have to invite a family from Chinese class to the park or over to your house. I made friends with this great lady from church, who recently started homeschooling, and our boys just really hit it off. That was 3 years ago and they still talk everyday, but so do the mom and I too.

[Tigger]

DS7 met his best friend at the pool a couple of summer's ago, they've been best buds since and his friend goes to PS. Other good friends, that we regularly get together with, he's met in cub scouts (3 boys he really gets along well with and we get together with outside scouts), an employee of DH's, her child, art class, and most recently at the park (the last two are homeschooled, so it's a nice mix).

[mommyrooch]

My 12 yo son met his best friend in church. His bf is our music ministers son. They have been best friends for 5 years now. My 10 yo daughter met her best friend through scouts. They have been bf's for about 2 years now. Her bf's dad is our scoutmaster. My hubby is an assistant scoutmaster and I am the COR and treasurer.

Edited December 17, 2011 by mommyrooch

[NanceXToo]

Preschool, and they continue to see each other at Girl Scouts and through arranged playdates and sleepovers at each other's houses.

[starwarsmomma]

OLDEST SON

two best friends, about 6-7 others that he regularly plays with and calls friends...

Best friend #1 met at dyslexia play group (but they also are in scouts together)

Best friend #2 met at cub scouts and now are inseperable at boy scouts.

Other regular friends just live in neighborhood/scouts

 

MIDDLE SON

One best friend-- sibling to older brother's best friend

Multiple friends from scouts and neighborhood

 

YOUNGEST SON

Everyone is his "best" friend. Kids are attracted to him wherever he goes. LOL

 

Scouts was the best thing for our family though. Awesome kids and families!

[amy g.]

My 13 year old has a best friend that she met on the neighborhood summer swim team. They were on the 6 and under relay team together.

 

My son has friends from piano camp and from scouts, but no best friend.

 

My 17 year old has a 37 year old best friend that she met through showing goats. It's pretty good for me, because I often feel like I need another adult in the family.

 

5 year old has swim team friends as well, but she considers them all best friends.

[Irene Lynn]

She met one of her best friends online. That is, I met her mom online and we agreed to meet. The girls hit it off immediately and 9 years later and into college and they are still good friends. Her other great friend was different. I vaguely knew her mom in junior high and then we were introduced as couples through a mutual friend and became good friends. A couple of years later we both had our lovely daughters. In the early years our dd hit it off with the older brother. During those years, she often hit it off with boys 2 years older. They were lively and just a bit wild. LOL The girl her age kind of kept to herself. As the years went on, I think around age 8, they started to notice each other more. We only saw this other family about once a month and sometimes in a large group, so they were not together all the time. A few years later and we began a tradition of this girl coming over for a week or longer every summer. Then she would try to come for a couple of days or longer on Spring break. They live a 30 minute drive in a direction we don't usually go, so we just don't get to see them very often. This latter girl and my dd are at the same college this year and both are friends with the first girl.

 

Our dd has had some friends from church, but none as close as these two.

[GoVanGogh]

Neighborhood

Homeschool classes - art, P.E., chess

Homeschool park day

[i.love.lucy]

She's only 5, right? I would not worry about this too much. If she were 11 and saying this, then yes. Let her have some more time in the activities that she's in. I think talking to her about kids she especially likes is a good thing. Ask her to try to make more time at lunch or whatever to play with the ones she really likes. Then be intentional about playdates and things. It'll happen!

[Rivka]

Girl Scouts, but we had to arrange some playdates before the acquaintanceship deepened into friendship.

[MominIN]

Church.

[Denisemomof4]

all my kids always made friends at what ever activity/sport they ever participated in. Currently, dd's friends are all from our homeschool group, and dd12 has a couple friends she used to do competitive sports with.

[Wabi Sabi]

All of my kids' best friends have ALWAYS been the children of *my* friends. I'm lucky to have several friends with children the same age and they've basically grown up together.

[Karen in CO]

co-op, but older dd didn't have a real best friend until she was 8-ish . Younger has a best friend from the same co-op, but they only see each other once month at most during the school year and once a week during summer and that is mainly because the mom and I are friends.

Edited December 17, 2011 by Karen in CO

[Running the race]

15yo ds: friends since MOPS as 2yo's., another one from Boy Scouts

 

13yo ds: soccer team (also homeschools)

 

10yo dd: our home school group

[Tap]

DD12 has a few very good friends. She refuses to call any one a 'best friend' as each person as each fills different parts in her life.

 

One neighbor she has know since she was 2yo. While this is the person she knows the best and has spent vast amounts of time with, they are the furthest apart in similarities and if we moved away, I doubt they would really keep in contact.

 

One friend, she met at a swim meet. This girl and her brother are both good friends to my son and daughter. The boys were on the same swim team for years and we carpooled back then so they were together a lot out of the pool. The girls now go to the same school, so again we carpool. This girl I would say is the closest to a best friend.

 

Another friend she met at school. I think she would win out as best friend if they had more time together. When they are together, you can see the friendship between them, it is just that strong. The girl no longer goes to that school so they rarely see each other.

[Puma Mom]

Dd met her bff at a YMCA homeschool gym class. They were 5 at the time. During 2nd-5th grades, they probably had play dates 2-3 times per week. The mom and I became best friends too, so that was a bonus.

 

Ds18 met his two best friends at church. He was 7 when he met S, and 9 when he met D and is still very close to both of them.

 

Ds21 had a harder time because, as it turns out, he has Aspergers. He was either a couple of years older or younger than the groups of kids at our small church and had friends but not a best friend.

[2squared]

My 9yo has a best friend. They technically met at church, but we live in a small town, so everyone knows everyone. They got along really well and saw each other every week at religious ed, and I think the consistent weekly contact was very important for them to start their friendship. Unfortunately, the bestie is considered a "looser" at public school :glare:, so her parents make frequent contact between the girls a priority.

 

My others are too young for true best friend relationships. My 7yo is struggling finding boys that meet all his rather high requirements. My 5yo has one good friend, but his friend is the little brother of my 9yo's bestie and he comes over to play once a week while the older kids are in religious ed.

 

I put A LOT, and I mean A LOT of effort into activities and playdates for my older two. I think they need consistent, regular exposure before relationships deepen enough to be considered friends. In the past week, we have hosted an overnight and two different playdates. My two oldest take PE at the local public school, and they go to most after school activities. I drive them everywhere, and I drive their friends too.

[momma aimee]

my kids have best freinds that they love -- and they met them in the safest place possible -- the freinds are the children of my BFF!!

 

I think the idea that little Timmy and little Sally need to go to school, or go off from their parents to make freinds -- is not only silly, but a 'new" idea and I feel, personal, yet another aventue for removing the parent's "hold" over their child.

 

Culture as a whole vants to cut down to minmiaze the role of family and to replace it with external. "children need peers" and on -- it is just one more way to get a child to identifey with the non-family rather than the family.

 

my kids LOVE to death their playmates and bed to see them -- they ranger in age from 13 to 4 (my youngest and one of her's) -- and they are freind because the adults are freinds. they are freinds because if ANYthing ever happen they will be siblings -- there is a real connection there, and it is a family connection

 

I talk about it some here: https://scribinglife.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/my-turn/

 

but the fear of our kids not having enough socail time or freinds is so new 9historically) and so 'rich'. No mom on a vagon trail was worried about where her child would meet a BFF; Thomas Jerrerson's mom did not worry he spent too much time at home and not enough time out meeting other boys.

[eternalknot]

My son has two best friends - one from scouts and another from sports.

 

My daughter has known her best friend since they were 4 months old; they met through their older siblings, who played sports together. What helped their relationship is that I became very good friends with the mom, so the girls became best friends sort of by default.

 

My daughter's other close friend is from our homeschool group (weekly play group meet-ups, of which we attend about 75%).

 

In both cases, it took at least a year for the relationships to progress from extracurricular-friend to friends-who-get-together-outside-of-our-shared-extracurricular. In both cases, the parents took more of an initiative role ... planning short gatherings at public places, etc. that took a few more months to segue into one-on-one playtime at the kids' requests.

[MinivanMom]

My ds6 has a best friend that he met at church. They hit it off right away when we moved here 2 years ago. They see each other every week at church, but we make the effort to do playdates.

 

My dd7 is without a best friend right now and has been feeling pretty lonely. She had several close friends where we lived before, but has had a hard time in the 2 years that we've been here. She's friendly and hits it off with other girls, but it's been hard moving friendships forward because the mothers aren't interested. Dd was midway through kindergarten when we moved here and the best friendships seemed to have already been made (in the mothers' minds at least). Even when dd and another girl clearly like each other and request to get together, it has been the moms that don't want to put forth the effort since they feel like their daughter already has plenty of friends (usually the daughters of mom's friends). This has left me feeling like I'm the problem. If only I hit it off better with the moms (and wasn't so busy with tons of little ones), then dd would be a more appealing friend.

 

Dd recently became friends with a girl at church (she was moved into a new class with her) and I think there's a lot of potential there, but time will tell. The mother and I have been trying to do playdates, but having trouble making them happen since the other little girl goes to public school and we both have big families (though in very different stages of life as dd is our oldest and her new friend is the youngest of 6). The girls will be starting a weekly class together after Christmas (in addition to seeing each other at church) and I'm hoping that will be a positive thing for dd.

[Farrar]

My kids have a bunch of good friends and maybe three or four of them are sort of "best" friends. We know them all through homeschool groups. We make it a real goal of our co-ops to foster friendships.

 

I do think there's something to the idea that it'll only work at this age (assuming a kid isn't in school and doesn't have a neighborhood next door friend) if the parents either make an effort and get along or are actually friends themselves.

[black_midori]

Homeschool park days & events.

[GingerPoppy]

church

public school

small homeschool groups

gymnastics/choir

children of my best friends

[Laurie4b]

All 4 of my kids met their lifelong best friend at church.

[tex-mex]

At our homechurch. :D

 

And the other good buddy via homeschool Drama Club and 4H.

[PhotoGal]

Thank you for all your input so far! I will have to keep trying to convince dh to join a church (or just start going without him!). :lol:

 

Ds is starting boyscouts with some fellow homeschoolers (we haven't met yet), so hopefully he will find some friends there. Dd just moved up to the developmental gymnastics class, so I'm guessing she will have friends there eventually.

 

I think I will have to make more of an effort as well. It seems like it is so hard to schedule playdates because everyone is always so busy! Maybe I can see if a few of ds's old school friends want to have a regular get-together. Also I can look for a girlscout troop for dd. I was thinking of getting them involved with 4H next year.

 

I wish I had more friends with kids! The only friends of mine that have kids have babies/toddlers. The moms I knew when ds was little have all moved on to whatever school their kids are going to.

 

It is a shame that some moms seem to think their kids' friends are "set" and aren't open to new friendships. I think it goes back to everyone being so busy.

[LindaOz]

My dd16 has a really good friend that she 'met' by having her as a penpal. Emily answered a penpal request she saw in a magazine and the two girls started writing to each other. My dd15 then started writing to the girl's sister and they, too, have become good friends.

 

We have now met this girl's family, and have got together with them three times this year, even though they live about five hours away from us. This included a four-day visit at their house. It turns out we all get along really well and have a lot in common - all from a penfriend. I think that my eldest dd and her penfriend will be long-time friends.

[TravelingChris]

My sons has friends from homeschooling groups and also colleges.

 

My older d has her best friend from homeschool speech and debate,

 

My younger d has a few very good friends the number one being a girl who lived in her neighborhood, was on dive team with her, and also in homeschool co-op, academic team, and speech with her. Others were in co-op and academic team and/or speech with her. She has yet to make a friend in this place, though she is friendly with the guys on her robotics team and her fellow Venture Club members

[sassenach]

14yo- church (we've since moved out of state, but they skype/talk constantly)

9yo- homeschool group

7yo- church

 

They don't have to be in school to be best friends, but you do have to make an effort to get together outside of activities. Playdates, sleepovers, ect. We have regularly scheduled time with my 7 and 9 year old's BFs.

[arghmatey]

One is a neighbor. The other she met at our homeschool co-op.

[sassenach]

I think I will have to make more of an effort as well. It seems like it is so hard to schedule playdates because everyone is always so busy! Maybe I can see if a few of ds's old school friends want to have a regular get-together. Also I can look for a girlscout troop for dd. I was thinking of getting them involved with 4H next year. .

 

Just a caution- Be careful of adding more and more activities in search of friends. What it truly takes is those one on one times, which you will be too busy to schedule if you add more and more commitments.

[Dmmetler]

My DD has two girls she's danced with since she was 4 who she considers her "best friends", and that friendship has lasted even though the other girls now attend a traditional school, and DD is homeschooled. I think it helps that they both attend different schools, so they're not together during the day anyway.

 

DD also has a really good friend who she only sees a few times a year, who she's known literally her entire life-her friend and her friend's mother were one of my first visitors after having DD. Her mother is one of my best friends, and the two girls have turned out to be very well matched indeed. I wish they had more time together because the time they have is so precious and wonderful.

[PuddleJumper1]

Best-best friend dd met when she was 5 months and friend was 18 months at my first homeschool mom's meeting (when ds was starting K). I guess met isn't really the right word - how do infants 'meet' people? :) Her other good/best friends are from church and homeschool group.

[Night Elf]

At a place that offers homeschool classes. They also offer clubs and she joined the Girls Club. They only met once a month, but they had a chance to get to know one another in a non-academic setting. My dd was invited to a sleepover and she became better friends with the 2 girls there. And the teacher of the literature class invited dd13 to a book club that reviews advance copies of young adult books. One of the girls from that sleepover was also in the meeting and the two of them started hanging out, and they met a 3rd girl there. So the 3 of them are fairly tight. But it took a couple of years for us to really find friends for dd13. It was not easy. Any time we tried to get together with someone, their schedule was just too busy to allow social activities. I'm guessing they aren't homeschoolers who complain about the lack of social stuff.

 

Ds15 had a best friend from age 7 to age 12 that we met at a homeschool park day. The mom and I became good friends. Then one day they started making excuses saying they were too busy. So both ds and I have been without friends for about 3 years now. Unfortunately, I really don't see that changing until he decides to get a part-time job, not that that guarantees anything. It's stupid really.

[KungFuPanda]

On the playground as toddlers. They're 14 now and have often lived in different states, and even countries, but when they visit, they pick right back up. Now that they're teens they do a lot of texting.

[momma aimee]

On the playground as toddlers. They're 14 now and have often lived in different states, and even countries, but when they visit, they pick right back up. Now that they're teens they do a lot of texting.

 

sounds like my BFF and me :)

 

met at 3 / 4 and now at 39 / 40 we are BBF still despite never living in the same state and now living in US and China (for 5 years).

 

we each litterally have boxes of letters from grande school on to college and past then ....

[Unicorn.]

Scouts, dance class, swim team.