A doctor took my 8 year olds in a room alone for a "talking"

[Alicia64]

Please go easy on me if you don't agree. I'm still pretty stunned and sad.

 

In a nutshell, we go to the pediatrician for a well child check. (A new dr. to us, we're in a new state). I haven't figured out that doctors these days do 1) a urine sample and 2) a private part check.

 

Okay, so as my very strong willed son is realizing that he has to give a urine sample and a private part check is coming, he becomes irate. But he didn't do anything physical. He didn't yell. He was just mad.

 

He was very mad because he thought I'd lied to him. I honestly don't remember the drs. doing this every year. Yes, I should know by now.

 

Ds takes the cup and goes to the bathroom where the nurse explains what to do. I'm still in the exam room. He apparently tells the nurse, "I hate my mom." And something else inflammatory but I forget now.

 

The nurse apparently relayed the info. to the dr. who doesn't say one word about it until the very end of the exam -- then sends my two sons out and "has a talk w/ me" about ds's anger problem, all that he said (I hate my mom. She gives me too much math etc.)

 

The uptight, not warm female dr. went on about how ds will hurt me when he's a large 16 year old and that maybe he needs to see a counselor.

 

My take: this "I hate my mom" was situational around the fact that his private area was going to be examined. Situational. He doesn't hate me -- in fact, we're close.

 

Is this kid high spirited? Absolutely. Do I have a ton of books on managing high spirited kids. Yes, I do!

 

So then she sends me to the waiting room and takes both 8 year old boys into the exam room and tell them stuff like, "you need to be more polite to your mom. If you're angry you don't say rude things." etc. etc.

 

I was sitting in the waiting room stunned that my kids were no longer with me.

 

I'm so angry. I get doctors are on the front line for exploring for child abuse, but clearly my kid isn't being abused.

 

Finally she brought the boys out, gave them a sucker and we left.

 

I want to explain to the doctors that they are not trained in family dynamics. That any idiot could see my kid was angry about the exam. Did he handle it correctly? Obviously not, but honestly, is he the first 8 year old not happy to have a private part exam??

 

Thanks for listening. I'm a warm, loving mom and my boys are, for the most part, wonderful -- and this just came out of the blue.

 

Alley

Edited September 29, 2011 by Alicia64

[Nakia]

Way over the line. I am pretty sure I would have flipped my lid on her. I would never set foot in there again, well except to collect my children's records.

[Denisemomof4]

While I'm shocked that they got involved, I think it's good that they spoke to your son about not speaking to you like that. Sometimes it's very powerful coming from someone outside the family.

 

But taking my kid to the back room without me? I wouldn't have allowed that. It's good that they were supporting you, but they could have been doing their own investigation. Not good.

 

I'm going to be switching to a family practice. The questions will be less and I don't think they'll be doing the embarrassing examinations that my dd's despise.

[clarkacademy]

I wouldn't be. It wouldn't shock me. Doctors need to see anger that may be a problem. If they never cared enough to ask and your kid came home and went crazy then maybe they could be blamed. Because kids that throw a fit over something like that may be abused in a sexual manner. More than half that docs patient are probally kids with problems so that is what they look at.

[Shellydon]

I don't know. I can't imagine my 8 year old saying "I hate my mom" about anything. I think that is unusual for an 8 yo, so I can see the doctor exploring that a little more.

[Woodhaven]

It's a great shame that our culture has become what it has!! Everyone is under suspicion. Everyone except parents are expected to raise children.

 

Parents are treated as though we know nothing. And Dr's feel they have to be diligent and look for trouble or they will get in trouble themselves.

 

Someone working with children all the time should have been able to grasp what was going on. At least the staff person/nurse should have been able to figure it out. Honestly, I wouldn't go back to that Dr.

 

I'm pretty fed up with Dr's myself these days. (Can you tell?)

[SKL]

Ugh! Personally I would talk to the kids directly and ignore the doctor. You don't have to see her again for at least a year.

 

I agree, doctors are not trained in family dynamics, and sometimes their attempts to get involved are foolish.

 

My dd at age 3 had an accident that resulted in an ER visit with stitches on her forehead. (It was the only time either of my kids has needed a doctor's attention for a wound.) We saw our regular doctor after she healed, but the scar was still there, so my daughter explained what had happened. Doctor said, "you sure nobody punched you?" :confused: I'm still not sure if that was his idea of a joke or an attempt to elicit information about child abuse. I didn't like it. I felt it suggested to my daughter that someone might think it OK to punch her. :001_huh: But I kept my trap shut.

[PentecostalMom]

Way over the line. I am pretty sure I would have flipped my lid on her. I would never set foot in there again, well except to collect my children's records.

 

Ditto, and probably report them.

[Denisemomof4]

It's a great shame that our culture has become what it has!! Everyone is under suspicion. Everyone except parents are expected to raise children.

 

Parents are treated as though we know nothing. And Dr's feel they have to be diligent and look for trouble or they will get in trouble themselves.

 

Someone working with children all the time should have been able to grasp what was going on. At least the staff person/nurse should have been able to figure it out. Honestly, I wouldn't go back to that Dr.

 

I'm pretty fed up with Dr's myself these days. (Can you tell?)

 

:iagree: with everything here.

[Annie G]

If it was a doc that had previously seen my kids and this anger was a new or escalating thing, I'd expect him to talk about it. But at a first visit, talking to you about it was enough. At that age my kids would have been upset at the surprise genital check and who knows how they would have reacted.

 

I'd be more concerned about what they talked about when you weren't there. You don't know this doc or the staff...who knows what they talked about?!

[Shellydon]

While I'm shocked that they got involved, I think it's good that they spoke to your son about not speaking to you like that. Sometimes it's very powerful coming from someone outside the family.

 

 

I agree with this. I think it is fine for someone else to speak up about inappropriate behavior with kids.

[LidiyaDawn]

 

So then she sends me to the waiting room and takes both 8 year old boys into the exam room

 

I'd refuse this. Nobody "sends me away" from my kids.

[Abigail4476]

Since when do 8 year olds get (or need) full body exams? I called earlier this year to see if my 16 year old daughter would need one--because that's when my mother took me for the first time--and they basically said, "Not unless she is or is planning to be sexually active."

 

My ds8 has been to the doctor multiple times and has never had to give a urine sample or take off his pants.

 

I realize that wasn't the point of the OP....:tongue_smilie:

 

To that end: I stay with my children throughout 100% of every doctor's visit. But then again, as I pointed out, they've never had to take their pants off. :001_huh: Even then, I wouldn't budge unless my child asked me to. No nurse or doctor can force me from an exam room. They simply don't have that authority.

[kubiac]

In the wake of the Dr. Earl Bradley sexual abuse case in Delaware, until my children are teenagers, they will not be parted from me for private examinations with medical professionals.

 

I'd say get a new doctor who is more sympathetic and supportive of you as a parent.

[YLVD]

I don't know. I can't imagine my 8 year old saying "I hate my mom" about anything. I think that is unusual for an 8 yo, so I can see the doctor exploring that a little more.

 

:iagree:

 

I can't imagine that every coming out of my kid's mouth. I would think it was cause for concern at that age as he isn't a toddler throwing a tantrum or whatever.

[maddykate]

:iagree:

:iagree:

 

I can't imagine that every coming out of my kid's mouth. I would think it was cause for concern at that age as he isn't a toddler throwing a tantrum or whatever.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Please go easy on me if you don't agree. I'm still pretty stunned and sad.

 

In a nutshell, we go to the pediatrician for a well child check. (A new dr. to us, we're in a new state). I haven't figured out that doctors these days do 1) a urine sample and 2) a private part check.

 

Okay, so as my very strong willed son is realizing that he has to give a urine sample and a private part check is coming, he becomes irate. But he didn't do anything physical. He didn't yell. He was just mad.

 

He was very mad because he thought I'd lied to him. I honestly don't remember the drs. doing this every year. Yes, I should know by now.

 

Ds takes the cup and goes to the bathroom where the nurse explains what to do. I'm still in the exam room. He apparently tells the nurse, "I hate my mom." And something else inflammatory but I forget now.

 

The nurse apparently relayed the info. to the dr. who doesn't say one word about it until the very end of the exam -- then sends my two sons out and "has a talk w/ me" about ds's anger problem, all that he said (I hate my mom. She gives me too much math etc.)

 

The uptight, not warm female dr. went on about how ds will hurt me when he's a large 16 year old and that maybe he needs to see a counselor.

 

My take: this "I hate my mom" was situational around the fact that his private area was going to be examined. Situational. He doesn't hate me -- in fact, we're close.

 

Is this kid high spirited? Absolutely. Do I have a ton of books on managing high spirited kids. Yes, I do!

 

So then she sends me to the waiting room and takes both 8 year old boys into the exam room and tell them stuff like, "you need to be more polite to your mom. If you're angry you don't say rude things." etc. etc.

 

I was sitting in the waiting room stunned that my kids were no longer with me.

 

I'm so angry. I get doctors are on the front line for exploring for child abuse, but clearly my kid isn't being abused.

 

Finally she brought the boys out, gave them a sucker and we left.

 

I want to explain to the doctors that they are not trained in family dynamics. That any idiot could see my kid was angry about the exam. Did he handle it correctly? Obviously not, but honestly, is he the first 8 year old not happy to have a private part exam??

 

Thanks for listening. I'm a warm, loving mom and my boys are, for the most part, wonderful -- and this just came out of the blue.

 

Alley

 

So the way I read it: your son does have an anger problem and the doctor suggested that you see a counselor for it. She didn't report you or suggest that you medicate him. She just suggested that a counselor would be a good thing while your child is still young.

 

The second thing I read is that you seemed very passive through out. You didn't handle your son's anger but let the nurse handle it. You didn't ask to remain with your children but let them be taken into another room. I can't totally understand all the anger from you when you had been so passive. Also - what the doctor did was to try to uphold you as a mother, when she told your children to be more polite to you and to not malign you. I don't see anything anywhere in what you wrote about her suspecting you of abuse of any kind.

[speedmom4]

I would feel uncomfortable about someone talking to my children alone without me BUT I think she was spot on for telling your son not to speak to you like that.

 

Elise in NC

[Barb_]

The doctor seemed to mean well, but stepped over the line. You should never have been separated from your sons without your permission.

 

That said, I agree that it sounds like he (they?) may have anger issues. Little boys will often default to anger to describe any negative emotion. He was frightened, embarrassed and felt betrayed and all of that boiling up inside of him felt like rage. He was uncomfortable and ashamed, so he lashed out in anger toward you. The word hate is a powerful word. It's the worst, borderline acceptable thing he could think of to say that expressed how badly he was feeling. If he doesn't learn how to experience and express emotions other than anger before he is a teen, then the doctor may be right and you may be in danger. Once you are able to see the situation from a cooler place, maybe you could re-think a few counselling sessions to help you learn to teach your sons techniques for recognizing and dealing with negative emotions without resorting to the anger default.

 

Barb

[gingersmom]

Way over the line. I am pretty sure I would have flipped my lid on her. I would never set foot in there again, well except to collect my children's records.

 

:iagree:

[Audrey]

While I'm shocked that they got involved, I think it's good that they spoke to your son about not speaking to you like that. Sometimes it's very powerful coming from someone outside the family.

 

But taking my kid to the back room without me? I wouldn't have allowed that. It's good that they were supporting you, but they could have been doing their own investigation. Not good.

 

 

 

I agree with this.

[aggieamy]

So the way I read it: your son does have an anger problem and the doctor suggested that you see a counselor for it. She didn't report you or suggest that you medicate him. She just suggested that a counselor would be a good thing while your child is still young.

 

The second thing I read is that you seemed very passive through out. You didn't handle your son's anger but let the nurse handle it. You didn't ask to remain with your children but let them be taken into another room. I can't totally understand all the anger from you when you had been so passive. Also - what the doctor did was to try to uphold you as a mother, when she told your children to be more polite to you and to not malign you. I don't see anything anywhere in what you wrote about her suspecting you of abuse of any kind.

 

:iagree:. It doesn't seem over the line to me. Maybe it wasn't the way I would have done it but she seemed caring and concerned. The kids weren't forcibly taken away either, it sounds like the mother could have just said 'no, I'll stay with them' and it wouldn't have been a big deal.

[Unicorn.]

Way over the line. I am pretty sure I would have flipped my lid on her. I would never set foot in there again, well except to collect my children's records.

 

Agree. And as far as the people who say they can't imagine their child saying that..I'm kind of shocked. I haven't met a kid yet who doesn't say stuff like that from time to time. There is no way I would have allowed the doc to talk to my 8 yr olds alone, and no way would I be going back to her.

[Halcyon]

I would have actually not minded if my pediatrician did this (assuming my son did say that) IF he told me in advance that he was planning to talk with him, and was it okay. I would likely give my approval, as I do think that reprimands coming from a third party can be very effective. My 6 yo HAS said I hate you to both me and my husband, although not (yet?) to anyone else. We're hoping it's a phase :glare: Hugs!

Edited September 29, 2011 by Halcyon

[brehon]

So the way I read it: your son does have an anger problem and the doctor suggested that you see a counselor for it. She didn't report you or suggest that you medicate him. She just suggested that a counselor would be a good thing while your child is still young.

 

The second thing I read is that you seemed very passive through out. You didn't handle your son's anger but let the nurse handle it. You didn't ask to remain with your children but let them be taken into another room. I can't totally understand all the anger from you when you had been so passive. Also - what the doctor did was to try to uphold you as a mother, when she told your children to be more polite to you and to not malign you. I don't see anything anywhere in what you wrote about her suspecting you of abuse of any kind.

 

:iagree: Taking your kids aside may not have the best way to handle the situation; but, I don't see that the doctor did anything intrinsically wrong.

[Annabel Lee]

Since when do 8 year olds get (or need) full body exams? I called earlier this year to see if my 16 year old daughter would need one--because that's when my mother took me for the first time--and they basically said, "Not unless she is or is planning to be sexually active."

 

My ds8 has been to the doctor multiple times and has never had to give a urine sample or take off his pants.

 

I realize that wasn't the point of the OP....:tongue_smilie:

 

To that end: I stay with my children throughout 100% of every doctor's visit. But then again, as I pointed out, they've never had to take their pants off. :001_huh: Even then, I wouldn't budge unless my child asked me to. No nurse or doctor can force me from an exam room. They simply don't have that authority.

 

As part of the regular yearly well-child check, some pediatricians do a non-invasive, mostly visual check just to ensure that little boys' tes+icles have dropped. I would still be in the room, even for that. There are ways to allow personal privacy for the child w/o leaving them alone for this.

 

I don't think anyone here is speaking of a full gyn exam, or whatever the male version of that is.

[Alicia64]

 

The second thing I read is that you seemed very passive through out. You didn't handle your son's anger but let the nurse handle it. You didn't ask to remain with your children but let them be taken into another room. I can't totally understand all the anger from you when you had been so passive. Also - what the doctor did was to try to uphold you as a mother, when she told your children to be more polite to you and to not malign you. I don't see anything anywhere in what you wrote about her suspecting you of abuse of any kind.

 

I didn't "seem passive." Ds did all of this when I was out of earshot. I didn't hear any of this.

 

Yes, I got the vibe as he was walking away w/ the nurse to do his urine that he was mad. But I didn't hear a word -- or I would have addressed it.

 

"When I had been so passive. . ."

 

I don't know even know what to say to that.

 

Alley

[Barb_]

Agree. And as far as the people who say they can't imagine their child saying that..I'm kind of shocked. I haven't met a kid yet who doesn't say stuff like that from time to time.

 

To me, the word hate is full of venom when directed at another human being. Hearing that come out of one my kids' mouths would be just as shocking as hearing them tell me to Go to H*ll or to F*ck off. It just isn't something that is tolerated. Ever. From the time they are toddlers. It's just not on the radar.

[FairProspects]

I would have been upset too. And while I don't think its appropriate, my 7 y.o. has occasionally said he hated me or dh. That goes with the territory for a spirited/strong-willed kid. I definitely don't think it is outside the realm of normal for passionate, intense kid.

 

ETA: Heck, I remember telling my mother I hated her as a teenager and I love her dearly and she is one of my best friends. Not my finest moment, but there are some people who feel things very intensely and they search for the strongest words they can find to express these feelings. Especially in immature kids with limited vocabularies and emotional "tools" I would expect that intensity to come out in anger and words they know will hurt when they are angry.

Edited September 29, 2011 by FairProspects

[Alicia64]

I don't know. I can't imagine my 8 year old saying "I hate my mom" about anything. I think that is unusual for an 8 yo, so I can see the doctor exploring that a little more.

 

I couldn't imagine it either -- although out of my two sons the one who did it is the more likely.

 

He's never done anything remotely like this before. Ever. Never. It seemed obvious to me afterwards that it was situational.

 

I'm looking for family practitioner. I had no idea some did and some didn't do private part checks.

 

Alley

[Alicia64]

To me, the word hate is full of venom when directed at another human being. Hearing that come out of one my kids' mouths would be just as shocking as hearing them tell me to Go to H*ll or to F*ck off. It just isn't something that is tolerated. Ever. From the time they are toddlers. It's just not on the radar.

 

I didn't hear him say this. He's never said it to be before.

 

Does anyone ever read the original post??????????????????????

 

Thank you to the supportive people -- yes, I was blindsided because a) I didn't hear him say the I hate you thing and b) I'd never heard it before. Ever. I was something of a deer in headlights.

 

Alley

[Crissy]

So the way I read it: your son does have an anger problem and the doctor suggested that you see a counselor for it. She didn't report you or suggest that you medicate him. She just suggested that a counselor would be a good thing while your child is still young.

 

The second thing I read is that you seemed very passive through out. You didn't handle your son's anger but let the nurse handle it. You didn't ask to remain with your children but let them be taken into another room. I can't totally understand all the anger from you when you had been so passive. Also - what the doctor did was to try to uphold you as a mother, when she told your children to be more polite to you and to not malign you. I don't see anything anywhere in what you wrote about her suspecting you of abuse of any kind.

 

:iagree:

 

If I had a problem with anyone's behavior it would be my child, not the doctor.

I also wouldn't have an issue with my doctor speaking to my children without me. If I didn't absolutely trust my doctor, he wouldn't be my doctor.

[unsinkable]

I didn't "seem passive." Ds did all of this when I was out of earshot. I didn't hear any of this.

 

Yes, I got the vibe as he was walking away w/ the nurse to do his urine that he was mad. But I didn't hear a word -- or I would have addressed it.

 

"When I had been so passive. . ."

 

I don't know even know what to say to that.

 

Alley

 

:grouphug: Don't let the answers here get you more upset. :grouphug:

 

If I were you, I'd go back and bold the part about going easy on you b/c you are stunned and sad b/c people might not see that part. I'd hate to think that people DID see that part and are just ignoring it.

[YLVD]

So the way I read it: your son does have an anger problem and the doctor suggested that you see a counselor for it. She didn't report you or suggest that you medicate him. She just suggested that a counselor would be a good thing while your child is still young.

 

The second thing I read is that you seemed very passive through out. You didn't handle your son's anger but let the nurse handle it. You didn't ask to remain with your children but let them be taken into another room. I can't totally understand all the anger from you when you had been so passive. Also - what the doctor did was to try to uphold you as a mother, when she told your children to be more polite to you and to not malign you. I don't see anything anywhere in what you wrote about her suspecting you of abuse of any kind.

 

:iagree:

 

I agree with every word

[Alicia64]

:iagree:

 

I agree with every word

 

I give up.

[YLVD]

Agree. And as far as the people who say they can't imagine their child saying that..I'm kind of shocked. I haven't met a kid yet who doesn't say stuff like that from time to time. There is no way I would have allowed the doc to talk to my 8 yr olds alone, and no way would I be going back to her.

 

I'm not sure that I've ever seen or heard a child say anything like that. Certainly not my own child or other kids that I'm around. I've seen kids do it when they are just learning to express themselves, throwing tantrums, etc. But, at age 8..I would be concerned.

 

But, that could be because I've not seen this IRL

[SKL]

I honestly don't have a problem with the doctor telling a child that children should respect their mothers. But this could have been done with the mother present. I think sending the mother from the room, just to say that, undermines the mom more than saying nothing.

 

I would have assumed, however, that they first asked the kid why he "hated" his mother and then after ascertaining there was nothing to report, told the child to speak respectfully (lest the whole interview appear to be an encouragement to say nasty things about mom).

 

I guess without actually being in the room to hear what was said, it's hard to judge whether the doctor was appropriate or not. But I agree that moms don't have to leave their kids alone with the doctor if they don't want to.

[YLVD]

To me, the word hate is full of venom when directed at another human being. Hearing that come out of one my kids' mouths would be just as shocking as hearing them tell me to Go to H*ll or to F*ck off. It just isn't something that is tolerated. Ever. From the time they are toddlers. It's just not on the radar.

 

:iagree:

[ktgrok]

I wouldn't be. It wouldn't shock me. Doctors need to see anger that may be a problem. If they never cared enough to ask and your kid came home and went crazy then maybe they could be blamed. Because kids that throw a fit over something like that may be abused in a sexual manner. More than half that docs patient are probally kids with problems so that is what they look at.

 

Talking to the parent about the anger makes sense in that context. Trying to parent the kid, and lecturing them, is not part of the doctor job description. They have no more experience with parenting than any other parent. They have medical training, not parenting training. I'd never go back, and I would explain why.

[susankenny]

Well, my son has said he hates me, definitely more than once. We don't "allow" it either. My daughter has never said it...heck, she's probably never even thought it. My son definitely had/has anger issues and we are very aware of it. He literally needed training in anger management. He was not equipped to handle upset feelings, and we have had to teach him and help him through the entire process of handling his emotions. It has been an ongoing process since he was very tiny to teach him emotional management of self (and a journey that doesn't even resemble what seemed natural with my daughter). I think it's easy to think "my child would never do that" until you have one of "those" kids. Then you realize it requires a lot more than house rules.

 

Susan

[ktgrok]

:iagree:

 

If I had a problem with anyone's behavior it would be my child, not the doctor.

I also wouldn't have an issue with my doctor speaking to my children without me. If I didn't absolutely trust my doctor, he wouldn't be my doctor.

 

How on earth do you know to absolutely trust the doctor? She just moved to the state, and has never met this person before. How on earth can she trust them? That makes no sense to me.

 

And I don't trust ANYONE fully. People make mistakes.

[YLVD]

Well, my son has said he hates me, definitely more than once. We don't "allow" it either. My daughter has never said it...heck, she's probably never even thought it. My son definitely had/has anger issues and we are very aware of it. He literally needed training in anger management. He was not equipped to handle upset feelings, and we have had to teach him and help him through the entire process of handling his emotions. It has been an ongoing process since he was very tiny to teach him emotional management of self (and a journey that doesn't even resemble what seemed natural with my daughter). I think it's easy to think "my child would never do that" until you have one of "those" kids. Then you realize it requires a lot more than house rules.

 

Susan

 

Oh I certainly think that it requires more than just a shift in rules or punishment. I honestly did not, or do not, think it's typical just because I've not seen it.

 

But, I think that it's important to address it with anger management, therapy, etc.

[Barb_]

I didn't hear him say this. He's never said it to be before.

 

Does anyone ever read the original post??????????????????????

 

Thank you to the supportive people -- yes, I was blindsided because a) I didn't hear him say the I hate you thing and b) I'd never heard it before. Ever. I was something of a deer in headlights.

 

Alley

 

Alley, that post was an aside to Unicorn who said she never knew a kid who didn't use the word hate to his parents. It's one of those things...different families, different cultures. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was addressing you. Honestly, we really are trying to be helpful. The OP seemed to carry some red flags, but as you add more information, they don't seem as worrisome. It could be that you posted in a hurry and didn't complete the picture you were trying to paint.

[TXBeth]

I would absolutely change doctors. Why in the world was a nurse taking your son to the bathroom instead of you taking him?

[Crissy]

How on earth do you know to absolutely trust the doctor? She just moved to the state, and has never met this person before. How on earth can she trust them? That makes no sense to me.

 

And I don't trust ANYONE fully. People make mistakes.

 

I wasn't commenting on what the OP should or should not feel about this particular doctor. I was explaining why I would feel comfortable allowing MY doctor to speak to my children alone. Because I trust him absolutely.

[Barb_]

Well, my son has said he hates me, definitely more than once. We don't "allow" it either. My daughter has never said it...heck, she's probably never even thought it. My son definitely had/has anger issues and we are very aware of it. He literally needed training in anger management. He was not equipped to handle upset feelings, and we have had to teach him and help him through the entire process of handling his emotions. It has been an ongoing process since he was very tiny to teach him emotional management of self (and a journey that doesn't even resemble what seemed natural with my daughter). I think it's easy to think "my child would never do that" until you have one of "those" kids. Then you realize it requires a lot more than house rules.

 

Susan

 

That's actually the point! :grouphug: I actually have one of those kids and while he hasn't yet screamed that he hates me (or his siblings), he has huge anger management problems. He has had rage attacks that are completely frightening. When I said we don't allow it, I meant that in our family culture it's taboo (like cussing someone out, punching, kicking, putting holes in the walls, breaking things or harming animals). We'd see it as a cry for help.

[WishboneDawn]

:iagree: Taking your kids aside may not have the best way to handle the situation; but, I don't see that the doctor did anything intrinsically wrong.

 

Same here. She made a bit of a goof with sending mom out and being patronizing in that talk with Alicia but otherwise I think she did well. Too many people are afraid or apathetic about speaking to either parents or kids in a situation like this.

 

Misunderstanding or not, that's a doctor that cares and who isn't afraid of addressing issues that others might avoid.

Edited September 29, 2011 by WishboneDawn

[ktgrok]

It doesn't sound like the anger issue some are making it into. The kid wasn't yelling, he wasn't throwing things, he just was seething, because he found out some WOMAN that he doesn't know was going to be looking at his "junk". Hello people!!!! Of course he was upset!!! But he didn't yell or shout or whatever. Then when he was not where his mom could hear him he said something about hating his mom. I can totally see a kid mumbling that. He was going to be violated sexually as far as he was concerned, and his mom was going to let it happen!

 

I know a lot of you say that your child would never say they hate you. Are you SURE they have never said it when out of your earshot? This kid didn't say it to his mom. He said it behind her back. I'm sure I said that, or something similar, many times as a kid, behind my mom's back.

 

Again, I think people are not realizing that in this kid's view he was going to be sexually violated with his mom's permission. Getting upset seems reasonable.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Patients have the right (as do parents on their behalf) to refuse parts of exams. You/your son could have said, "I refuse the testicle exam".

 

When the Dr. said that she wanted to speak with them alone you could have refused that as well. You passively gave consent by not objecting, imo. How could she have known that you didn't want to do that if you didn't say anything?

 

I understand what you mean about feeling blindsided and things happening faster than you realize, I get that.

 

I don't think that the Dr. did anything wrong, though. :001_huh:

[WishboneDawn]

It doesn't sound like the anger issue some are making it into. The kid wasn't yelling, he wasn't throwing things, he just was seething, because he found out some WOMAN that he doesn't know was going to be looking at his "junk". Hello people!!!! Of course he was upset!!! But he didn't yell or shout or whatever. Then when he was not where his mom could hear him he said something about hating his mom. I can totally see a kid mumbling that. He was going to be violated sexually as far as he was concerned, and his mom was going to let it happen!

 

I know a lot of you say that your child would never say they hate you. Are you SURE they have never said it when out of your earshot? This kid didn't say it to his mom. He said it behind her back. I'm sure I said that, or something similar, many times as a kid, behind my mom's back.

 

Again, I think people are not realizing that in this kid's view he was going to be sexually violated with his mom's permission. Getting upset seems reasonable.

 

Good point. It might be something to address with the doctor - let her know to give lots of warning, have a good talk with the kid about it and give them the choice not to have that exam.