Do you ever try to be obnoxious when people ask what you do? When homeschool isn't a

[Michele B]

Last night at a swanky do, (Why was I there?) a polished, sophisticated lady asked me if I was a professional "too." I have never before felt that saying "I homeschool" was throwing down a gauntlet! The she followed up with "Have you ever worked?" :001_huh: I could see the wheels turning in her head - what to make of me. She started talking about the trouble her daughter was having in high school. This polished, sophisticated, intelligent lady actually said "I let them do whatever they want in middle school; the grades don't count. High school is when I make them get serious." :001_huh: I decided maybe I was the intelligent one!:D "Really?" I said, "Middle School is keeping me up at night. It lays the ground work for High School." Again, she gave me an odd look. Then we moved on to language. She was speaking about the practical value of language. That's when I decided to be obnoxious. I remember saying that I found the idea of learning a language for practical reasons "abhorrent." I launched into my husband's masters in Anglo-Saxon and my graduate school experience with Gothic.

 

I know I was projecting too much on to her. I just felt like she was looking down her nose at me and putting me in a small little box labeled, "close-minded, hiding-from-the-world homeschooler." She was snooty so I tried to out snoot her.

 

I told my husband later (this was his crowd) that I probably should have just tittered when she said that idiotic thing about Middle School. He told me if I had just tittered he would have lost all respect for me. :001_smile:

 

I know my behaviour was a bit childish, but come on, don't you want to mess with These People sometimes too?

[jec3113]

I would have done the same thing!:D

[FO4UR]

:D:lol: Well done!

[Ria]

I think you could have handled the situation in a much more mature, sophisticated fashion. You assumed that the woman was going to look down on you because of her initial question. Perhaps she was just trying to be friendly! Does "swanky, polished, and sophisticated" automatically mean judgmental and critical to you?

 

I think you lost an opportunity. Had you responded along the lines of, "I have a graduate degree but have chosen to homeschool my children as a career...it's very demanding!" you would have opened the door for some interesting discussion.

 

It sounds like the lady really tried to talk to you. Unsure of exactly what homeschoolers do, she brought up her daughter. Again, you could have been kind and explained how you feel elementary and middle school education lays the groundwork for the rigors of high school. Instead, your retort did not invite conversation. As for the language part of your discussion, it sounds like you were downright unkind. You assumed she was looking down on you. After your conversation I don't doubt that she did.

 

I would have thought you were the snooty one had I met you and you treated me like that. And yeah, some of us can be both swanky, polished, sophisticated AND homeschoolers. Just sayin'.

[bethben]

I have a friend who was in a similar situation. The professional woman asked her what she did for a living. She said that she volunteered 30-40 hours a week to helping three children get a quality education. The woman was impressed with her act of service until she said, "Really, I homeschool my kids."

 

Beth

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I'm trying to figure out a way of wording my response so that it comes out how I want, without seeming judgmental. I live with, and spend a great deal of time with, "professionals". (Mostly lawyers, but I have M.D.s and Ph.D.s in the family) It seems to me that many professionals, maybe unwittingly, DO look down their noses at the stay-at-home-mom. As the OP stated, you can tell when someone is looking at you with that "How can she possibly have anything valid to say?" look. I really try not to internalize this, because I know that most of the professionals I know are not intellectually superior to me. In your situation, I would have tried not to be snooty back, but in an intelligent way, explain your ideas about middle school being the foundation for high school. If she still looked down her nose at you, that's her problem, not yours.

[OLG]

I'm trying to figure out a way of wording my response so that it comes out how I want, without seeming judgmental. I live with, and spend a great deal of time with, "professionals". (Mostly lawyers, but I have M.D.s and Ph.D.s in the family) It seems to me that many professionals, maybe unwittingly, DO look down their noses at the stay-at-home-mom. As the OP stated, you can tell when someone is looking at you with that "How can she possibly have anything valid to say?" look. I really try not to internalize this, because I know that most of the professionals I know are not intellectually superior to me. In your situation, I would have tried not to be snooty back, but in an intelligent way, explain your ideas about middle school being the foundation for high school. If she still looked down her nose at you, that's her problem, not yours.

 

Nicely said and :iagree: although my own evil twin would have loved to 'outsnoot' her too! Always easier to take the high road and creates less anxiety in the long run since we don't have to beat ourselves up over the "should have, could haves"!

[radiobrain]

Who cares!? Will you ever see her again? Don't over-analyze the conversation, as you can't control how someone else perceives you.

 

Why do people think she get to control the conversation? Sorry, I think you did fine. I bet she was feeling defensive about things as well, and that she was probably kicking herself for coming off as a "snooty" person asking the things she did. It goes both ways, and you will never know, so....forget about it!!!

 

--this is advice coming from a person who always over-analyzes conversations and responses so that I can't sleep. Trust me, it's silly. :D

[Michele B]

I think you could have handled the situation in a much more mature, sophisticated fashion. You assumed that the woman was going to look down on you because of her initial question. Perhaps she was just trying to be friendly! Does "swanky, polished, and sophisticated" automatically mean judgmental and critical to you?

 

I think you lost an opportunity. Had you responded along the lines of, "I have a graduate degree but have chosen to homeschool my children as a career...it's very demanding!" you would have opened the door for some interesting discussion.

 

It sounds like the lady really tried to talk to you. Unsure of exactly what homeschoolers do, she brought up her daughter. Again, you could have been kind and explained how you feel elementary and middle school education lays the groundwork for the rigors of high school. Instead, your retort did not invite conversation. As for the language part of your discussion, it sounds like you were downright unkind. You assumed she was looking down on you. After your conversation I don't doubt that she did.

 

I would have thought you were the snooty one had I met you and you treated me like that. And yeah, some of us can be both swanky, polished, sophisticated AND homeschoolers. Just sayin'.

 

 

I think you missed my point. I wasn't asking for an analysis of my behavior - I gave that in the OP. I was asking, as I asked in my OP, don't you just sometimes want to do that? Obviously your answer is no.

 

She was looking down her nose at me. I was there. You weren't. Why are you trying impute motives for a woman you don't know?

 

I talked back to a woman who has a well-known reputation for declaiming her opinions with a "the master has spoken" attitude. My husband was there, and thought I did great.

 

Save the lectures for times when you know more about the situation.

 

And my only reason for harping on her "sophistication" was to contrast it with her unbelievable statement about Middle School!

 

Once again Michele learns to stay away from the General Boards. Even a slightly lighthearted post compels some people to lecture and flame!! When will I learn? ;)

 

Thanks for the sympathetic replies! :)

Edited September 18, 2011 by Michele B

[abbeyej]

Honestly, I've seen that situation play out enough times to the end that the "professional" was genuinely *interested* in home schooling as a potential solution to various problems that I just think it's wrong to be rude and obnoxious in return. While there have been other instances as well, I mostly think back to the time where I was at a doctor's appointment, and the doctor began *grilling* me about home schooling. It truly felt like an interrogation and I was starting to get uncomfortable -- until she explained that she didn't know anyone that home schooled, but she really wanted to know more about it for her own 10yo son! She just had such a limited time with me, lol, and was desperate for information. ;)

 

I've had other similar instances where a professional person -- often someone who is used to "coming on strong" in a business or other setting -- says things that *might* be negative, but that turn out to be a real interest in fact-gathering about home schooling. They're still in their amped-up professional "mode" and they're saying things like, "I could never do that", but what they mean is, "How DO you do that?"...

 

And what on earth is wrong with learning language for practical reasons? I'd argue with anyone who thought learning language was pointless *except* for practical reasons, but there's nothing wrong with learning Spanish to communicate with your neighbors.

[Michele B]

My problem is schools cutting out languages that will open a lifetime of learning literature, philosophy, religion, politics, etc. in favor of "practical languages."

Otherwise, I am done with this thread. You gals seem to have voted in favor of the other party.

 

Funny how the other people of the party sided with me. But I guess that is the difference between being there and actually knowing the parties and just hearing about it second hand. ;)

[abbeyej]

...But I guess that is the difference between being there and actually knowing the parties and just hearing about it second hand. ;)

 

Indeed. It's hard to interpret tone and such based just on description.

[Ria]

Honestly, I've seen that situation play out enough times to the end that the "professional" was genuinely *interested* in home schooling as a potential solution to various problems that I just think it's wrong to be rude and obnoxious in return. While there have been other instances as well, I mostly think back to the time where I was at a doctor's appointment, and the doctor began *grilling* me about home schooling. It truly felt like an interrogation and I was starting to get uncomfortable -- until she explained that she didn't know anyone that home schooled, but she really wanted to know more about it for her own 10yo son! She just had such a limited time with me, lol, and was desperate for information. ;)

 

I've had other similar instances where a professional person -- often someone who is used to "coming on strong" in a business or other setting -- says things that *might* be negative, but that turn out to be a real interest in fact-gathering about home schooling. They're still in their amped-up professional "mode" and they're saying things like, "I could never do that", but what they mean is, "How DO you do that?"...

 

And what on earth is wrong with learning language for practical reasons? I'd argue with anyone who thought learning language was pointless *except* for practical reasons, but there's nothing wrong with learning Spanish to communicate with your neighbors.

 

:iagree:

[Murphy101]

Though I totally do not fit in with that crowd, I would be thrilled to have intelligent conversation with them. I love to discuss political, sex, religion, parenting, education, or even metaphysics if that is their forte and they have the patience to answer my ignorant questions of fascination.

 

Sadly, too many of both side are either too busy being snooty or too busy politely discussing the weather to avoid the possiblity if offending someone for me to enjoy conversation with them.

 

But I still try because about every 20 people or so, I hit the jack pot and get one who actually wants to have a conversation. And in my head I do a little happy dance when that happens.

[Margaret in GA]

My problem is schools cutting out languages that will open a lifetime of learning literature, philosophy, religion, politics, etc. in favor of "practical languages."

Otherwise, I am done with this thread. You gals seem to have voted in favor of the other party.

 

Funny how the other people of the party sided with me. But I guess that is the difference between being there and actually knowing the parties and just hearing about it second hand. ;)

 

 

I find I have often been snarky with people whether it's homeschool or religion or many other things that people have a stereotype of that bothers me. I am just naturally sort of argumentative. Oh, and I'm always right. ;)

 

As for language practicality, I am a German major. Don't use it very often. It's rarely even taught in schools any more and I find that very sad. German is a wonderful language to learn for so many reasons that have nothing to do with using it to communicate. I have to say that I really think we're placing too much emphasis on Spanish in this country.

 

Margaret

[2cents]

In answer to the original question about purposely trying to be obnoxious when people ask what I do, the answer is no. I have been hsing long enough to feel very confident in my knowledge and abilities. If someone asks what I do I just tell them I'm a home educator and if they were to ask what I did before that I would tell them as well. It is just a question. If someone were to be snarky with me, I would confront any of their questions directly but as far as trying to outdo them - no. It isn't worth my time or effort. ;)

[regentrude]

I have no problem when people ask me what I do, and I do not see it as a reason to act obnoxiously. I, too, ask people what they do because I am interested - and I am perfectly fine to receive "I am homeschooling" as an answer. I do not see this conversation opening as a reason to be snarky.

 

Also, I find myself doing very relaxed schooling of my Middle school age son, almost bordering on unschooling, while pursuing a very rigorous academic course with my high schooler. I know that giving my 12 y/o all this freedom will translate into being prepared for high school and do not lose sleep over it.

 

Lastly, I think all language learning is great, but for our family decided to have more reasons to learn German and French instead of Latin and Greek. Some of our reasons ARE practical - I want my kids to be able to converse with all their relatives who live overseas.

 

So I guess that means you'd have to be obnoxious to me as well if we happened to meet at a party.

[annandatje]

I think you could have handled the situation in a much more mature, sophisticated fashion. You assumed that the woman was going to look down on you because of her initial question. Perhaps she was just trying to be friendly! Does "swanky, polished, and sophisticated" automatically mean judgmental and critical to you?

 

I think you lost an opportunity. Had you responded along the lines of, "I have a graduate degree but have chosen to homeschool my children as a career...it's very demanding!" you would have opened the door for some interesting discussion.

 

It sounds like the lady really tried to talk to you. Unsure of exactly what homeschoolers do, she brought up her daughter. Again, you could have been kind and explained how you feel elementary and middle school education lays the groundwork for the rigors of high school. Instead, your retort did not invite conversation. As for the language part of your discussion, it sounds like you were downright unkind. You assumed she was looking down on you. After your conversation I don't doubt that she did.

 

I would have thought you were the snooty one had I met you and you treated me like that. And yeah, some of us can be both swanky, polished, sophisticated AND homeschoolers. Just sayin'.

:iagree:

[annandatje]

I understand but do not agree with her comment about middle school. I think she meant nothing more than colleges typically only consider high school grades when reviewing applications.

 

I have been at a gathering of professionals where I have asked co-workers' spouses what they do, but in no way did I intend snootiness or judgement on their choice of vocation. I hope I was not received that way by the spouses.

[Stacy in NJ]

interest in homeschooling to carry on a reasonable conversation - whether or not we agreed substantively.

 

As I get older, I simply do not care whether or not people agree or disagree with me. I do care about HOW we go about discussing our positions.

 

Though I totally do not fit in with that crowd, I would be thrilled to have intelligent conversation with them. I love to discuss political, sex, religion, parenting, education, or even metaphysics if that is their forte and they have the patience to answer my ignorant questions of fascination.

 

Sadly, too many of both side are either too busy being snooty or too busy politely discussing the weather to avoid the possiblity if offending someone for me to enjoy conversation with them.

 

But I still try because about every 20 people or so, I hit the jack pot and get one who actually wants to have a conversation. And in my head I do a little happy dance when that happens.

[kalanamak]

In answer to the original question about purposely trying to be obnoxious when people ask what I do, the answer is no.

 

The only thing I will stoop to is when a heavy handed male at work starts implying my son will be grow up to be a limp-wristed wuss because he wasn't subjected to mean boys in the school-yard. These are men I know well enough to know they respect bullying, and speak of their domineering fathers with pride (one told a story about his father sending him out to feed a tame deer, knowing the deer would tromple him, and laughing his *** when his son came back crying .... he told this story with pleasure).

To them, when I've been asked a couple of times how my son will learn to deal with difficult people, I reply: Clearly, you don't know my husband.

 

Shuts them up every time. But it wasn't to triumph over them, it was to stop the conversation in their own terms.

[momma2three]

I don't see a reason to distrust the OP about the other woman's tone.

 

As to her, happy people don't really care about other people's (normal, legal, not hurting anyone else) life choices. I think her attitude was more a reflection of her own issues.

 

Though I have to say she's probably right about public school middle school. They were certainly a waste of two years for me.

[Parrothead]

Last night at a swanky do, (Why was I there?) a polished, sophisticated lady asked me if I was a professional "too." I have never before felt that saying "I homeschool" was throwing down a gauntlet! The she followed up with "Have you ever worked?" :001_huh: I could see the wheels turning in her head - what to make of me. She started talking about the trouble her daughter was having in high school. This polished, sophisticated, intelligent lady actually said "I let them do whatever they want in middle school; the grades don't count. High school is when I make them get serious." :001_huh: I decided maybe I was the intelligent one!:D "Really?" I said, "Middle School is keeping me up at night. It lays the ground work for High School." Again, she gave me an odd look. Then we moved on to language. She was speaking about the practical value of language. That's when I decided to be obnoxious. I remember saying that I found the idea of learning a language for practical reasons "abhorrent." I launched into my husband's masters in Anglo-Saxon and my graduate school experience with Gothic.

 

I know I was projecting too much on to her. I just felt like she was looking down her nose at me and putting me in a small little box labeled, "close-minded, hiding-from-the-world homeschooler." She was snooty so I tried to out snoot her.

 

I told my husband later (this was his crowd) that I probably should have just tittered when she said that idiotic thing about Middle School. He told me if I had just tittered he would have lost all respect for me. :001_smile:

 

I know my behaviour was a bit childish, but come on, don't you want to mess with These People sometimes too?

Ultimately it depends on tone and attitude. If she was being condescending and rude, yeah, maybe I would have tried to out snoot her. We've all met "that woman." Alternately if she had truly been interested I'd have done my best to intelligently discuss homeschooling with her.

[PiCO]

As I get older, I simply do not care whether or not people agree or disagree with me. I do care about HOW we go about discussing our positions.

 

:iagree:

I had some of the best conversations ever at a graduation party last spring. Everyone else at the party belonged to a VERY conservative church in town, I'm an atheist. You would think we'd have nothing in common- I was planning to stop by for a brief visit- but I ended up staying for hours.

 

If I had allowed myself to get defensive and feel like everyone was looking down their nose at me, I would have missed out on a great time.

[Stacy in NJ]

I want to reset the terms/assumptions of the conversation because I find them ridiculous. I usually try to use humor - sometimes at the expense of the other person, if I can manage it.

 

I won't comment on my frequent instances of unintentional obnoxiousness.

:D

 

 

Shuts them up every time. But it wasn't to triumph over them, it was to stop the conversation in their own terms.

[angela in ohio]

unintentional obnoxiousness.

:D

 

If there was a diagnosis and effective medication for this, I'd be all over it. :lol:

 

OP, you asked a question. I think the answer you are getting from many is, "No." They just didn't leave it at a one word answer, but explained why.

[SKL]

Without being there, I can't say whether this woman was really looking down her nose at you, or just having trouble finding common ground from which to start a conversation.

 

I am a professional, and a homeschooler, and a lot of other things. Although I've had many experiences in life, I may still not be the best conversationalist in the world. I might not know what to say to you at an evening event that would make you feel immediately comfortable.

 

The woman was clumsy starting off with the "have you ever worked" stuff, but then she tried to relate with you by talking about something you both deal with - issues with the kids' education. Everyone has them - whether they studied Gothic in college or not. From that point on, I think she deserved more grace than she got.

 

But when it comes down to it, not everyone is going to relate to you, and that's really OK. There's always the weather if you can't find any other common ground.

[Crimson Wife]

I'd have had to bite my tongue in not responding to the first question with, "Oh, I'm a professional trophy wife!" ;) Because that's exactly what a lot of Type A career women see us SAHM's as. :glare:

 

Back when I as a full-time executive, I never treated SAHM's I encountered the way that I've been treated so many times over the past 5 3/4 years. :glare: A job is just what people do to pay the bills- it doesn't define who they are. Character does that.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I once told a particularly irritating PhD we homeschool so we can "beat 'em regular and only read the Bible.". Childish? Sure. Sorry. No.

[Tap]

No, I do not try to be obnoxious to anyone. If I don't agree with someone's views, I walk away.

[Bang!Zoom!]

M, you said you are done with any responding here..but if you do come back..

 

Do I understand right that you were in a social setting for you DH's job/field when this introduction and conversation happened?

 

On the assumption that I am right on that...I guess I'd see the setting itself a bit of a directive on how to behave.

[regentrude]

A job is just what people do to pay the bills- it doesn't define who they are. Character does that.

 

I do not think this is fair either. For many people, a job is NOT just what they do to pay the bills, but something they are passionate about and that they love to do (and to some extent do even when they are not paid for it.) I am surrounded by people for whom their job is their passion and an integral part of their personality and for whom it would be unthinkable to define themselves separately from what they love to do.

Disqualifying this as just "what people do to pay the bills" is as condescending as looking down on SAHMs.

[2cents]

I do not think this is fair either. For many people, a job is NOT just what they do to pay the bills, but something they are passionate about and that they love to do (and to some extent do even when they are not paid for it.) I am surrounded by people for whom their job is their passion and an integral part of their personality and for whom it would be unthinkable to define themselves separately from what they love to do.

Disqualifying this as just "what people do to pay the bills" is as condescending as looking down on SAHMs.

 

:iagree:

[Sahamamama]

.

Edited September 18, 2011 by Sahamamama

[GoVanGogh]

I told my husband later (this was his crowd)...

:grouphug:

For the most part, I have quit socializing with my husband's work crowd. He has been in a male-dominated profession for 25 years. The few female co-workers he has had over the years seem to have a major chip on their shoulder. Most know that I used to have a professional job, but ditched the business suits and hose for a minimum wage "searching for my inner bliss" job. I then quit working to stay at home. We are on our fifth year of homeschooling, but DH's female co-workers still ask when I plan to put DS in school and return to "the professional life."

DH has been friends with this one former co-worker for 20 years. I won't even go around her anymore as she invited us over to her house a few years back, then spent the whole evening telling me to "get over myself and just put DS in a good private school." I have never engaged in any conversations about education or parenting with her, yet she seems to think she can blast me.

I would so love to speak my mind with her, but avoidance is easier.

[kalanamak]

A job is just what people do to pay the bills- it doesn't define who they are. Character does that.

 

I agree a "job" does that, but vocation or profession is much more. I dishwashed and that was a job. My employment now is not just a job that pays bills. It really is a significant part of "me", and I would argue that working at it these years had improved my character considerably.

 

And I am defined by more than my character. What we do is part of it, too. I know a SAHM very well who is the social/emotional hub of both her and her husband's large extended family. She coordinates birthdays and get togethers and is just beloved by everyone. She could be the sweetest, most moral person on earth, but if she didn't DO something with it, she would not be regarded with the admiration she is.

 

But I know you didn't mean ANYthing snarky, and I am not meaning to be snarky back.

[Colleen in NS]

I just felt like she was looking down her nose at me and putting me in a small little box labeled, "close-minded, hiding-from-the-world homeschooler." She was snooty so I tried to out snoot her.

 

I told my husband later (this was his crowd) that I probably should have just tittered when she said that idiotic thing about Middle School. He told me if I had just tittered he would have lost all respect for me. :001_smile:

 

I know my behaviour was a bit childish, but come on, don't you want to mess with These People sometimes too?

 

I'll admit that I do sometimes want to mess with people who I am pretty sure are looking down their noses at me. :D

 

Even a slightly lighthearted post compels some people to lecture and flame!!

 

I don't see a reason to distrust the OP about the other woman's tone.

 

:iagree: I think it's pretty clear the OP was meant to be lighthearted and maybe looking for some general sympathy from fellow homeschoolers. Wow, the lectures and snarkiness are rampant on the General Board this weekend!:lol:

 

She said that she volunteered 30-40 hours a week to helping three children get a quality education.

 

I love it!

[iamrachelle]

She was snooty so I tried to out snoot her.

 

QUOTE]

 

I don't want to get into a philisophical debate... but seriously, this is awesome.

 

Out snoot.

 

It is my new word. :D

[Colleen in NS]

I don't want to get into a philisophical debate... but seriously, this is awesome.

 

Out snoot.

 

It is my new word. :D

 

:iagree: I thought that was hilarious! I thought the whole OP was very entertaining, as I think it was meant to be.

[YLVD]

I think you could have handled the situation in a much more mature, sophisticated fashion. You assumed that the woman was going to look down on you because of her initial question. Perhaps she was just trying to be friendly! Does "swanky, polished, and sophisticated" automatically mean judgmental and critical to you?

 

I think you lost an opportunity. Had you responded along the lines of, "I have a graduate degree but have chosen to homeschool my children as a career...it's very demanding!" you would have opened the door for some interesting discussion.

 

It sounds like the lady really tried to talk to you. Unsure of exactly what homeschoolers do, she brought up her daughter. Again, you could have been kind and explained how you feel elementary and middle school education lays the groundwork for the rigors of high school. Instead, your retort did not invite conversation. As for the language part of your discussion, it sounds like you were downright unkind. You assumed she was looking down on you. After your conversation I don't doubt that she did.

 

I would have thought you were the snooty one had I met you and you treated me like that. And yeah, some of us can be both swanky, polished, sophisticated AND homeschoolers. Just sayin'.

 

:iagree:

 

If you are confident in what you do, with what you have chosen for your life, there is no reason to act like that IMO. I have been a professional and homeschooler, all at the same time. It is possible.

 

I have also been a WOHM, SAHM and am currently a WAHM.

[YLVD]

I think you missed my point. I wasn't asking for an analysis of my behavior - I gave that in the OP. I was asking, as I asked in my OP, don't you just sometimes want to do that? Obviously your answer is no.

 

She was looking down her nose at me. I was there. You weren't. Why are you trying impute motives for a woman you don't know?

 

I talked back to a woman who has a well-known reputation for declaiming her opinions with a "the master has spoken" attitude. My husband was there, and thought I did great.

 

Save the lectures for times when you know more about the situation.

 

And my only reason for harping on her "sophistication" was to contrast it with her unbelievable statement about Middle School!

 

Once again Michele learns to stay away from the General Boards. Even a slightly lighthearted post compels some people to lecture and flame!! When will I learn? ;)

 

Thanks for the sympathetic replies! :)

 

When you post on a message board, you will get dissenting opinions. That's just how it works sometimes. I agree that maybe labeling it as just wanting sympathy would have been a good idea. Nothing wrong with that.

 

I also agree with her on the language issue. I'm a fan of learning languages in general, whether practical or not. I can't imagine being against learning languages of any kind.

Edited September 18, 2011 by YLVD

[Colleen in NS]

When you post on a message board, you will get dissenting opinions. That's just how it works sometimes.

 

She has participated here since at least Jan. 2008 - she probably realizes this.

 

I agree that maybe labeling it as just wanting sympathy would have been a good idea.

 

Why should she have to? Can't people just carefully read the OP and take it at face value for fun? It was lighthearted!

[YLVD]

I do not think this is fair either. For many people, a job is NOT just what they do to pay the bills, but something they are passionate about and that they love to do (and to some extent do even when they are not paid for it.) I am surrounded by people for whom their job is their passion and an integral part of their personality and for whom it would be unthinkable to define themselves separately from what they love to do.

Disqualifying this as just "what people do to pay the bills" is as condescending as looking down on SAHMs.

 

:iagree:

[YLVD]

She has participated here since at least Jan. 2008 - she probably realizes this.

 

 

 

Why should she have to? Can't people just carefully read the OP and take it at face value for fun? It was lighthearted!

 

Sure, then why is she telling us how we were supposed to respond?

 

I honestly assumed that she was looking for feedback, which was probably my error. I would want to be told if I behaved badly or if I were making assumptions that don't ring true to other people.

[Ria]

Why should she have to? Can't people just carefully read the OP and take it at face value for fun? It was lighthearted!

 

I think many of us read the OP and felt that the poster had been rude and obnoxious, and wanted us to "applaud" her behavior. I failed to see humor in the post at all.

[YLVD]

I think many of us read the OP and felt that the poster had been rude and obnoxious, and wanted us to "applaud" her behavior. I failed to see humor in the post at all.

 

Exactly

[annandatje]

I think many of us read the OP and felt that the poster had been rude and obnoxious, and wanted us to "applaud" her behavior. I failed to see humor in the post at all.

 

:iagree:

 

If the poster truly was asking for frank opinions, she received them. If she only wanted members who concurred that she was clever, she should have made that clear from the outset.

 

The original poster probably has encountered several women who feel that stay at home mothers are somehow of a lesser caste. However, to assume the worst intentions of the woman in question is unfair and closes down what could have been an opportunity for a pleasant conversation or possibly even a friendship.

[Aelwydd]

You've asked two questions, so here are my answers.

 

Do you ever try to be obnoxious when people ask what you do?

 

No, I don't generally find that to be an offensive question.

 

 

I know my behaviour was a bit childish, but come on, don't you want to mess with These People sometimes too?

 

If by "These People," you mean certain persons who have professional careers and look down on blue-collars, yes, I find their attitude offensive. In my work, I regularly work with professionals. However, I've found that the arrogance you speak of is actually pretty rare. I've had the rare condescending remark or comment, but never about my home schooling choice. In fact, if anything, sharing that tidbit has only earned me more respect.

 

That said, I've come across just as much arrogance and snide behavior in home schooling groups in my area as I ever have in the professional world. Personally, I think it's because a lot of them are insecure, and they get defensive, and so they seek to compete with each other in the most ridiculous contests.

 

Being around a group, any group, that is constantly seeking to justify itself by heaping scorn on others is tiresome and petty. I can't speak to the woman's attitude you dealt with, but I believe when you say the other woman was sizing you up, so-to-speak.

 

I had a home schooling, SAHM friend once tell me baldly that I wasn't a "true SAHM" because I worked a part time, third-shift job at the time, and so I didn't fit the criteria. Apparently, doing all the same things she did (cooking, cleaning, schooling) was all for naught, because I also did paid work outside the home. My response to this was a mixture of amusement, exasperation, and pity. Pity, because she apparently was so insecure about her own choices, that she felt she had to develop some SAHM ratings system that would favor her over me and certain other friends of hers.

 

My point is, the snootiness is not merely an artifact of professionals' behavior. It exists in equal degree among non-professionals--they just use different categories to rate themselves and others. So, if I act obnoxious towards someone, it's not due to whatever group they are part of--it's due to that particular individual in front of me, who is acting or speaking in a provocative manner.