So how do you feel about extended family following you on a message board?

[AuntieM]

Of course, I know that nothing is truly private in cyberspace. Understood.

 

But is it too much to hope that extended family members would make the effort to pursue real life relationships, instead of trolling message boards once they think they've figured out who a poster is? They they would show a little respect and not invade another's community, circle of friends, but actively pursue a direct relationship? This is my place to process thoughts, to vent, to get advice. If I wanted certain people involved in those issues, I'd ask them directly.

 

How do you react when an issue you write about on a message board gets brought up in conversation... and you feel very sure the person who brought it up couldn't have gotten that info in any other way? And if you don't want to mention the board on the wee chance that it's just a coincidence?

 

I have described personal circumstances here over the years. But I have never named or "outed" anyone, never attempted to publicly embarrass anyone. I have perhaps shared more than I should as far as information that might identify me personally. Probably a mistake. I honestly wouldn't mind my community of fellow home schoolers knowing who I am IRL, but I really feel disappointed to think that certain relations are... what would the kids say.... cyber-stalking me.

 

And, just *how* would someone find me here, unless that person home schooled and came across the board looking for info, and, after reading multiple posts of mine (of the THOUSANDS of posts on this site)? Unless they are deliberately looking for me and searching in any way they can....

 

Sigh... I know that what goes on the web is out there for all to see. Heck, I tell my kids that all the time. I guess I am just mourning the loss of what I've come to think of as my refuge. I have been on these boards a long time (not always as AuntieM), and the community here has been like a lifeline of personal friends, supporting me through many very lonely state-to-state transitions.

 

I'd love to hear your thoughts. But please, be nice. This makes me kind of sad.

Edited August 1, 2011 by AuntieM

[stripe]

Frankly I'm surprised more mother in laws haven't figured it out. I don't post anything personal online. If it's okay for strangers to know something about you, and it's easily available,then...eventually someone from your real life will find it.

[Mama Geek]

There is a small chance that my SIL and her dh will start homeschooling this fall or spring. If I think there is any chance they will come across this website I might have to beg and plead the moderators to erase most of my posts about family.:willy_nilly:

[Impish]

I'd be horribly creeped out. *shudder*

Frankly I'm surprised more mother in laws haven't figured it out. I don't post anything personal online. If it's okay for strangers to know something about you, and it's easily available,then...eventually someone from your real life will find it.

Mine wouldn't ever. For one, she's not puter literate, for 2...she's PERFECT, so there's no way she'd ever recognize herself in anything I've ever posted.

[ChristusG]

I would be sort of irritated....okay... a lot irritated.

[ma23peas]

I would be disappointed, but sometimes the truth hurts...if they said anything to me, I would question 'why' the comment or change the subject, just bow out gracefully.

 

Nothing you can do to stop them from reading...some people are so consumed with what others are thinking and doing and do not have a clear direction on their own path...they get some sort of pleasure in 'finding' stuff out about others...in my book, that's being simple-minded in its basest form....nothing you can do about it. If they are offended by something you wrote and fearful others will pick up on who you mean, then that is valid and cease and desist...work out your problems without mentioning said snooper.

 

But don't be disappointed too long, your life is too valuable and busy to be brought down by the lesser side of others....:grouphug:

[Unicorn.]

I would think said relative has a disturbing problem to go to all that trouble. I would also be really angry and feel as if my conversations w/ friends had been eavesdropped on. Yes, I realize this is a public board, but as you said, most of us consider people on these boards friends. There is a reason I am not friends w/ certain family members on facebook. So I can chat w/ friends w/out those family members knowing every little thing about my life.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[gardening momma]

Frankly I'm surprised more mother in laws haven't figured it out.

:smilielol5: Mine probably wouldn't be able to figure out signing in, let alone the search feature. She goes weeks without checking her email.

[FaithManor]

I don't give out identifying information. My boardie name is not even my real first name, though it fits me perfectly and I love it much more than my first name. Dh is just beginning to call me, occasionally, by my board name because he knows how much I like it. I would not be likely to ever post my legal name. I've been asked our location, but rural somewhere in Michigan is about all I'm comfortable to say as I do want to keep a level of anonymity. I was once "found" just one time on the net by a former college roomate of mine who is now a very unbalanced woman. She did some cyber stalking, then managed to get my phone number (so EVERYTHING had to be changed), and was generally quite creepy. Therefore, having btdt, I can say that I'd be mighty peeved if another person I knew attempted to follow me around the boards.

 

Thankfully, except for Mrs. Creepy, I don't have anything to fear. The two bizarre relatives that I would be concerned about possibly doing something like that are pretty computer illiterate (that's saying a lot because I'm tech stupid) and do not homeschool either. So, I don't think they'd ever figure it out.

 

AuntieM, given the limited nature of this board and those that frequent it, I would think that if a non-homeschooling relative searched for you and then followed you on these boards, then it would have to be a deliberately calculated action which is, well, like above...CREEPY!

 

Faith

[FaithManor]

I'd be horribly creeped out. *shudder*

 

Mine wouldn't ever. For one, she's not puter literate, for 2...she's PERFECT, so there's no way she'd ever recognize herself in anything I've ever posted.

 

 

Hey Imp! You know what they say about every cloud has a silver lining? Well, guess what? You may have discovered the ONLY silver lining in narcissism! Who knew? :D

 

Boy if your mil ever found you here, we'd light that woman up big time! She'd be burnt so bad, she'd be mistaken for a firework's show!!! :lol:

 

Faith

[Jennifer3141]

Faith, I had no idea you were rural Michigan too.

 

Auntie, I would be beyond annoyed and would ask that family member if they were stalking me, in a funny-sarcastic way. Then I'd point out that I don't have the time to reciprocate but if they have no life, then ok...

 

And then I'd mention them by relation HERE. Just because. :D

[Ellesmere]

:grouphug:

That sounds weird. And upsetting.

 

But it speaks to why I'm fairly vague, too. I don't use real names for any of my family here and I try not to give identifying information. It's sort of a balancing act -- I know this is a public place but this an opportunity to discuss and support. Sometimes I feel like I miss out since I'm being so private. But given the strong opinions I've shared and how most of my homeschool friends feel about them, I've chosen to be less personal than I otherwise would.

[Maverick_Mom]

It would bother me. A lot. I would feel like said family member needed to get a life. :D

[gardening momma]

I don't give out identifying information. My boardie name is not even my real first name, though it fits me perfectly and I love it much more than my first name.

My name is perfect for maintaining my anonymity here. I didn't even get around to planting a garden this year. :D <--saying that might be a giveaway, but I don't think anyone IRL knows that either. :001_smile:

[gardening momma]

This is why I quite Facebook. It was just too weird. It felt like having people read my journal/diary. That's actually worse when it isn't a complete stranger.

There are easy ways to set your FB to only allow your friends or certain groups of friends to read your posts. Mine is sealed up pretty tight.

[AuntieM]

...she's PERFECT, so there's no way she'd ever recognize herself in anything I've ever posted.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Oh, Imp, you are always good for a laugh! Your MIL certainly takes the cake. Any shenanigans lately from her? Hope you are feeling okay (as well as can be expected, I mean, with all you've got going on :grouphug:).

 

Thanks, y'all, for understanding how I feel. A couple of months ago I wiped out half my fb friends list, because I felt my space was invaded. And yes, I do know I can adjust my settings, but that opens a whole 'nother can of "fairness" worms about who gets to see what, 'cause all those kin compare notes. It was easier to just delete, delete, delete....

 

Yes, it feels like someone is eavesdropping on my conversation with friends. That makes me sound like I want to be exclusive, but that's not it. I just want some boundary markers.

 

Faith, you're right, I find it kind of creepy. And seems like it would have to be pretty intentional, to get here. The more I think of it, the more I think there's one person who could have directed the other person this way, but... oh, it's just ridiculous and a waste of my time to try to figure it all out. Just makes me wonder what they're doing with theirs...

[Sugarfoot]

I have someone who frequently googles me, DH, and our kids. Creepy doesn't begin to describe it.

[QuirkyKapers]

How can you find out if someone is googling you? Serious question, I didn't know you could....

[Sugarfoot]

How can you find out if someone is googling you? Serious question, I didn't know you could....

 

In my case, they tell me, and see nothing wrong with it whatsoever...:001_huh:

[QuirkyKapers]

They go out of their way to tell you!!! Wow- that is weird...

[LaxMom]

I would find it upsetting.

 

Not because I've ever posted anything that I wouldn't stand behind. (It's possible that there may be something out there somewhere that I wouldn't be thrilled was out there, but I'd still own it.) Not because I feel like I have some veil of anonymity here. I know people here in real life.

 

I would find it upsetting in the same way I would find it upsetting to have someone making cryptic comments about my sock drawer. They clearly think they're invading my privacy and are letting me know it, and that someone would have that much desire to do so is... unsettling. It's creepy and weird... It's cyber skulking.

 

It's not the what, but the why.

[-M-]

This. Absolutely this.

 

I would find it upsetting in the same way I would find it upsetting to have someone making cryptic comments about my sock drawer. They clearly think they're invading my privacy and are letting me know it, and that someone would have that much desire to do so is... unsettling. It's creepy and weird... It's cyber skulking.

 

It's not the what, but the why.

[msk]

I think people may run into real-life acquaintances here by accident more often than they expect. For example, although I don't think I "know" anyone here IRL, I'm not the only one in my family/social circle who cares about school-aged kids and education. I'm not a homeschooler, but I'm interested in supplementing/afterschooling, got sucked in by the great read-aloud lists and early math discussions, and ended up staying around and learning a lot. This board also seems to have a fairly high search engine rating for certain topics. So even if you don't have homeschoolers in your family, you may not be completely "safe" from people like me!

 

I can imagine someone who read regularly and ran across a number of my posts (not that I post all that often) eventually figuring out who I am if they knew me in real life, although it's not terribly likely. I think a lot of people tend to sort of "follow" the activities of posters with similar interests and viewpoints, so this could happen to some of the more active posters around here purely by accident, especially if they also mention interesting, unusual things about their lives.

 

Sorry, I hope I haven't scared anyone...

[AuntieM]

I would find it upsetting.

 

Not because I've ever posted anything that I wouldn't stand behind. (It's possible that there may be something out there somewhere that I wouldn't be thrilled was out there, but I'd still own it.) Not because I feel like I have some veil of anonymity here. I know people here in real life.

 

I would find it upsetting in the same way I would find it upsetting to have someone making cryptic comments about my sock drawer. They clearly think they're invading my privacy and are letting me know it, and that someone would have that much desire to do so is... unsettling. It's creepy and weird... It's cyber skulking.

 

It's not the what, but the why.

 

Wow, you have completely summed it up! And invented a perfectly descriptive new phrase, to boot: cyber-skulking. Love it (well, not the act, but the identification).

[Hen]

I'd find it weird and upsetting.

 

But, if I had no real identifying markers here, not real name, no blog linked up...I would have looked the person straight in the face and faked any knowledge of these boards. Maybe they will never be sure.

 

I did introduce a relative to blogging and we ended up on the same blog-related boards because of it. She seemed to politely avoided the same threads and has never brought up anything she might of read there..which would have been mild, but it was comforting. Kind of like what we see online doesn't have anything to do with real life.

 

If you think someone else outed you to this person, maybe you can ask the mods for a new identity. Which is a real bummer to have to do...

[nono]

Well, my family knows who I am online. Heck, I tell others IRL, "Oh, if you are ever out on the WTM boards, I'm nono." They can enter at their own risk. ;)

 

But, my family is pretty darn interested in their own lives, mostly. Sounds like yours might have a bit too much time on their hands. :grouphug:

[Just Robyn]

Depending on who it was I would probably come right out and say, "Did you read my posts on the Internet?" If they said yes I would ask them if they were considering homeschooling or why they were here. Most of my relatives aren't creepy enough to look for me on the Internet.

 

If it were one of the creepy in-laws I would start asking for advice on how you deal with a MIL who does X, Y, or Z (or something like that). If she's going to Internet stalk me then I will Internet tell her what I think.

[J-rap]

I think it's a little weird, but that's the chance you take when you post anything online, whether it be Facebook, message boards, etc.

[eternalknot]

Sigh... I know that what goes on the web is out there for all to see. Heck, I tell my kids that all the time. I guess I am just mourning the loss of what I've come to think of as my refuge.

 

I'd love to hear your thoughts. But please, be nice. This makes me kind of sad.

 

 

I don't really like my worlds intermixing. I have circles of friends, and I'm no fan of the Venn diagram IYKWIM :tongue_smilie:. To that end, I'd be mildly annoyed by having a lurking shadow on an internet forum. It'd feel like my safe haven was no longer safe ... not from strangers, who cares about them LOL, but from the people in my life that I often need to seek refuge FROM.

 

But, you know, I've been on message boards and online groups with different people in my family. I've actually been falsely outed as being a troll because my sister and I posted from the same computer under different IDs :lol: we lived together, what can I say? We did carry our online relationship into our offline lives, but never vice versa. Our IRL stuff stayed IRL. I think that's an unspoken rule; rather, it should be one.

 

Sorry you're being stalked by someone in your family. That's so wrong.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You could ask the mods to change your name. But do your friends a favor and shoot us a PM telling us what your new name is! But don't tell anyone else, including the person you suspected outed you.

[Impish]

Hey Imp! You know what they say about every cloud has a silver lining? Well, guess what? You may have discovered the ONLY silver lining in narcissism! Who knew? :D

 

Boy if your mil ever found you here, we'd light that woman up big time! She'd be burnt so bad, she'd be mistaken for a firework's show!!! :lol:

 

Faith

She truly wouldn't understand. She honestly doesn't get that anything she does is inappropriate, even when called on it.

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Oh, Imp, you are always good for a laugh! Your MIL certainly takes the cake. Any shenanigans lately from her? Hope you are feeling okay (as well as can be expected, I mean, with all you've got going on :grouphug:).

 

 

MIL is being fairly quiet. I've refused to talk to her on the phone since she asked me if baby was planned, why would we have another, etc. Just plain nosy, nasty, invasive, insulting questions and comments. Wolf was talking to her recently, and I overheard him say something about her visiting at Christmas. I lit him up when he got off the phone. If baby shows up on due date, I'll only be 6 wks post partum at Christmas. Btwn that and what the Drs suspect will be off the charts issues with RSD, the LAST thing I need is MIL here!

 

*My* parents show up Wed. My mother is also very, very likely NPD.

 

I swear its why Wolf and I are together. Nobody else on the planet would *get* our mothers! :lol:

[Colleen in NS]

You could ask the mods to change your name. But do your friends a favor and shoot us a PM telling us what your new name is! But don't tell anyone else, including the person you suspected outed you.

 

I don't think that would work, because if the person did a search using the old name, the old name shows up in quotes in posts, and then it would be a matter of backtracking in a thread to figure out the new name.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't think that would work, because if the person did a search using the old name, the old name shows up in quotes in posts, and then it would be a matter of backtracking in a thread to figure out the new name.

 

Oh really? I didn't know it worked that way.

[KidsHappen]

I have three adults dds that visit here occassionally now. Word occassionally gets back to me about something I have only posted here so I know some of them visit here sometimes. They have grown up seeing me on this board though and I have even directed them here for a couple of threads so I know they are here and I am respectful of posting about them out of respect for their private lives but yes, the world does seem a little bit smaller than it used to. Thankfully this time in my life is coming to an end though so it isn't as big a lose as it once would have been.

[Colleen in NS]

Oh really? I didn't know it worked that way.

 

Think of a poster whose old name you know and who has changed to a new name, and do a search for their name in posts. You'll see what I mean.

[Scarlett]

Of course, I know that nothing is truly private in cyberspace. Understood.

 

But is it too much to hope that extended family members would make the effort to pursue real life relationships, instead of trolling message boards once they think they've figured out who a poster is? They they would show a little respect and not invade another's community, circle of friends, but actively pursue a direct relationship? This is my place to process thoughts, to vent, to get advice. If I wanted certain people involved in those issues, I'd ask them directly.

 

How do you react when an issue you write about on a message board gets brought up in conversation... and you feel very sure the person who brought it up couldn't have gotten that info in any other way? And if you don't want to mention the board on the wee chance that it's just a coincidence?

 

I have described personal circumstances here over the years. But I have never named or "outed" anyone, never attempted to publicly embarrass anyone. I have perhaps shared more than I should as far as information that might identify me personally. Probably a mistake. I honestly wouldn't mind my community of fellow home schoolers knowing who I am IRL, but I really feel disappointed to think that certain relations are... what would the kids say.... cyber-stalking me.

 

And, just *how* would someone find me here, unless that person home schooled and came across the board looking for info, and, after reading multiple posts of mine (of the THOUSANDS of posts on this site)? Unless they are deliberately looking for me and searching in any way they can....

 

Sigh... I know that what goes on the web is out there for all to see. Heck, I tell my kids that all the time. I guess I am just mourning the loss of what I've come to think of as my refuge. I have been on these boards a long time (not always as AuntieM), and the community here has been like a lifeline of personal friends, supporting me through many very lonely state-to-state transitions.

 

I'd love to hear your thoughts. But please, be nice. This makes me kind of sad.

 

A fellow boardie met me at a testing site and figured me out. I certainly do not mind that she knows who I am....we live in the same small town....but it did freak me out that I've apparently given out that much info over the years that she figured it out. So I am much more guarded these days....if she could identify me then my XH might and I don't need that mess.

 

I try to not mention this board very often just in case someone tries to find me on the board. It does make me sad that I don't feel the freedom I once did.

[aggieamy]

Of course, I know that nothing is truly private in cyberspace. Understood.

 

But is it too much to hope that extended family members would make the effort to pursue real life relationships, instead of trolling message boards once they think they've figured out who a poster is? They they would show a little respect and not invade another's community, circle of friends, but actively pursue a direct relationship? This is my place to process thoughts, to vent, to get advice. If I wanted certain people involved in those issues, I'd ask them directly.

 

How do you react when an issue you write about on a message board gets brought up in conversation... and you feel very sure the person who brought it up couldn't have gotten that info in any other way? And if you don't want to mention the board on the wee chance that it's just a coincidence?

 

I have described personal circumstances here over the years. But I have never named or "outed" anyone, never attempted to publicly embarrass anyone. I have perhaps shared more than I should as far as information that might identify me personally. Probably a mistake. I honestly wouldn't mind my community of fellow home schoolers knowing who I am IRL, but I really feel disappointed to think that certain relations are... what would the kids say.... cyber-stalking me.

 

<snip>

 

I'd love to hear your thoughts. But please, be nice. This makes me kind of sad.

 

It might just be the type of person I am but if someone was, to borrow a phrase, cyberskulking me I'd call them out on it. And very publicly let them know that I knew who they were. If they're being mean and malicious about it I might even let a mod know. If they're doing that I probably wouldn't be much interested in pursuing a IRL relationship with them even if they were a relative.

[Night Elf]

I would find it odd, most especially if the person brings up a conversation that I know I didn't have anywhere but here. I would draw them out more in a conversation about where they heard that information rather than answering their question about me. And yes, I'd likely out them on the boards. Like this.. HI TERRI! (my sister, who I'm sure has absolutely no interest in what I do). :)

[Margo out of lurking]

..

[eternalknot]

I have a confession, of the somewhat creepy variety.

 

I work outside of the home. In the course of my job, I interact with hundreds of people face-to-face on a daily basis. When I see a familiar face, my first assumption is that I 'know' the person from work and it's just hard for me to place them outside of that environment.

 

One day earlier this year I was "in the halls" of my workplace, at a food court, As I walked away from a restaurant counter, I found myself staring at a familiar face. I figured it was someone I had just interacted with on a professional level, but the person didn't return my friendly smile. She stared at me blankly, then looked behind me to the counter I had just left. I didn't register other than to be the person standing in her way of seeing the posted menu.

 

I sat to eat. I must know her from somewhere else, since she looked straight through me despite my uniform and the brief 20 minutes that would have passed from any work interaction with her. Surely I'm not that forgettable?! I racked my brain. Blank.

 

Then I saw her turn to her family standing at a different part of the food court. Why did they look familiar to me, too? She had a child close in age to my own, so I thought maybe that's where I knew her from. Then the kid did something that triggered my memory of where I 'knew' her from. It was from here. She is a popular poster, very open with sharing details of her life, and had recently posted some pictures of the family. I can't remember her username, but I always recognize her avatar; ever since, it always feels a bit creepy, to me, to read her posts. As I sat and ate, I pondered what she had posted prior to my chance sighting. Family business, marriage concerns, motherly insecurities. Things that get posted so often because this is such a supportive, knowledgeable place. Things that wouldn't come up in random, pleasant conversations with strangers in airport food courts.

 

She didn't know me, didn't see me, didn't know that as I walked the same hallway behind her family that I knew so much about them. I felt sick that I was staring at a woman who had shared so much with a community that -in her eyes- was probably a safe online haven distant enough from IRL, yet I was someone she didn't even know existed who could put her struggles and fears to the face in front of me. I felt sad for the husband and children, who didn't know that I -a random person a thousand miles from their home- was privy to so much of their dirty laundry. They walked along, none the wiser that I 'knew' so much about them.

 

It makes my stomach turn to think that I could be her, to some other random person. I can't begin to imagine what it would feel like to have someone seek me out on the internet ... family, no less ... and for me to be forced into that kind of transparency. OP, you have my sympathies. What an awful feeling it must be.

[PinkInTheBlue]

Before reading others' posts I say that would be "freak me out" weird. I'm probably being foolish but when I've shown my mother a post here and frequently shown my husband things here I've never considered they'd consider using it to follow what I say. I trust them too much to imagine they'd do that. However, if I found someone did...I'd be pretty incredibly upset.

[gardening momma]

It might just be the type of person I am but if someone was, to borrow a phrase, cyberskulking me I'd call them out on it. And very publicly let them know that I knew who they were. If they're being mean and malicious about it I might even let a mod know. If they're doing that I probably wouldn't be much interested in pursuing a IRL relationship with them even if they were a relative.

The person wouldn't need to post here at all, not even have an account, I don't think, to read posts here. So letting a mod know wouldn't help if it's a relative that's just reading up on what someone is doing (being nosy).

[wapiti]

What happens in the Hive, stays in the Hive? :D

 

Or so we wish. Posting reveals more of the inner workings of my mind that I'd rather not have others privy to. What I find terrible about it is that in searches, I've accidentally come across my own old posts and thought yuck - what knucklehead wrote those :lol: :tongue_smilie: - kind of like the icky feeling of hearing a recording of your voice.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I have a confession, of the somewhat creepy variety.

 

 

Wow! That's bizarre! Now the curiosity is going to drive me nuts :) LOL

[Jean in Newcastle]

I try to not mention this board very often just in case someone tries to find me on the board. It does make me sad that I don't feel the freedom I once did.

 

I know at least 20 people from this board in real life and probably know more people who post here without letting me know their user name. I am well aware of that even while I have shared some very private information about myself. But I have chosen to share it openly hoping that it would help people. I am much much more circumspect when sharing information about my children or my dh. I don't feel like I'm free to share their secrets.

[annandatje]

I understand the creepy annoyed response that the original poster describes. However, this is an internet forum where anyone with an interest in classical education may join. Although I am past childbearing age, I occasionally read a homebirth and midwifery forum since I maintain a vital interest in the topic. There are no secret hiding places that cannot be unearthed by those savvy enough or nosy enough.

 

There are a few people here from my home city who have posted enough information for me to put two and two together to determine their identity. Of course, I would never bring up a post in conversation, but I no longer have contact with homeschool community anyway with the exception of a few long term friends.

 

Others posters not from my area could possibly be identified if I had the curiousity and inclination to do so.

 

Many times I have considered relaying a personal experience that I thought may be relevant to a member's post but stopped short of posting because my children may have deemed potential post an invasion of their privacy.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Of course, I would never bring up a post in conversation,

 

I guess it's because we've always been open about our identities and involvement here but my friends and I often say "Oh, I saw your post on xyz. I didn't have time to post to that thread but I think. . ."

[QueenCat]

Wow! That's bizarre! Now the curiosity is going to drive me nuts :) LOL

 

:iagree:I was thinking the same thing...

[aggieamy]

I have a confession, of the somewhat creepy variety.

 

<snip>

 

It makes my stomach turn to think that I could be her, to some other random person. I can't begin to imagine what it would feel like to have someone seek me out on the internet ... family, no less ... and for me to be forced into that kind of transparency. OP, you have my sympathies. What an awful feeling it must be.

 

I don't know that it was that creepy. She obviously isn't overly concerned about privacy to have posted that much information and you didn't track her down to her house. You just ran into her in a public place. If it was me I'd have liked it if you would have come up and said hello.

 

I've got a small world coincidence similar to this. I'm on another forum and used to be very active there. When DH and I were planning our wedding he sent me a list of musicians that perform at weddings and I looked over the names and started to email one of them. When I was typing in the emaid address I stopped because it was unusual and it clicked with me that the first part of the email address was a username I recognized from the forum I was on. I ended up hiring the person to do the music at my wedding and when I met her in person I mentioned the username similarity and asked her if she was on the same forum I was. Small world - she was. I don't think that was a horrible breach of privacy and I hope that I didn't offend her over it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

For the record, if anyone thinks they've met me, ask me if I'm Jean in Newcastle! But only do it if you're willing to out yourself too;) (I actually find it creepier when I think someone knows who I am but doesn't admit it. I like to know where I stand!)