Open Our Mouth or Keep It Shut?

[july19]

My husband was asked to be the best man in his best friends wedding. They known each other since they were 1 years old. In fact, he asked Nick to be the best man before he proposed to the girlfriend.

 

Apparently, with best man-hood comes with the demand that my husband cut his (not even all that) long hair. He was a little surprised, since his hair is always beautifully tied back, always clean, he works in a professional building for one of the most prominent newspapers in the entire country, etc but he of course agreed.

 

I'm annoyed because he donates his hair to Locks of Love every 2.5 years or so. And unfortunately, it's only been growing out for about a year and a half and isn't long enough to donate yet. He is a little bummed because Locks of Love not only has a personal meaning to him but also because it's such a wonderful cause in general. And apparently, the best friend/groom is upset, too.

 

The groom has sort of taken the demanding of Nick's hair being cut to make a point of her Bridezilla-ness (she really has been....yowza...). And my husband is a mellow, easy-going, wants to please everyone, "let's not cause a scene" kind of guy, so he's trying to make it clear that while it's a shame, the haircut is okay. But the friend is really feuding with the bride now. To the point where she kicked him out of the apartment so he's been sleeping on our couch the last two nights and again when they get back tonight.

 

All of the friends in their circle (and three sets of parents in the wedding party AND the grooms' parents) have been begging us to talk to the groom in a "here's your chance to GTFO of the relationship" sort of way, but I don't want to interfere. He proposed, so obviously he loves her and wants to be with her...and even though none of us understand it, it's none of our business...even if the business is now on my couch. Right? Should I mention something innocuous and see where it leads? Blah.

 

I love the friend dearly, he's like a brother. But

A) my son loves him too, and didn't want to school today because "Uncle D*** was here and I wanna play!!"

B) we leave for vacation soon and this fight doesn't look like it will be over anytime soon!

C) it's a brand new couch and I haven't even sat on it yet! :lol:

D) i want what is best for him, even if it is with her

E) grooms parents made it clear that if *we* don't say something, *they* will and it won't be nearly as nice. They also are done paying any more $$ for the wedding, as the bride insisted on another $50,000 from them.

 

What says the Hive?

[ChrissySC]

I am sorry, but I just fell out of my chair over the dollar amount.:blink:

 

Ummm, I would let it be. Keep mouth shut.

[OrganicAnn]

I would just continue to be supportive of him, but try to stay out of the couple drama. I would continue to say that DH will cut his hair, so it isn't about him.

 

The Groom has to decide what he wants to do and you don't want either one of them blaming you guys. You don't want your DH to lose his dear friend if they get married and the bridezilla decides that the trouble in their relationship all stems from your DH and works to cut off the friendship.

 

I would not cave into the others wanting your to do the dirty work and talk to the groom. If they think it is so important, then they should talk to him.

Edited July 3, 2011 by OrganicAnn

[Impish]

ANOTHER 50K?! From EACH OF THEM?! Implying that they'd already forked over 50k EACH?!

:svengo:

[jenniferlee]

This is a joke right? Right?

[Trish]

I'm sorry, 50K?

 

Even if I had that much to spend on a wedding, I wouldn't.

 

I probably would've discouraged hubby from cutting his hair, too.

 

No, let the groom's parents handle it. Maybe they can get that British lady to send an email that will go viral?

[Impish]

No, let the groom's parents handle it. Maybe they can get that British lady to send an email that will go viral?

:lol:

[Brigitte]

I would suggest dh and friend go out alone one evening and have a heart to heart. Dh needs to ask if there is something else going on besides the hair "issue." Then he needs to sit back and listen. No need to express opinions etc., he simply needs to let his friend know that if there is something he wants to talk about or get off his chest, he is there to listen.

 

My dh was in a similar situation with his best friend, except that the wedding was not yet set. Once his friend knew that dh was there to listen and dh confirmed his friend's feelings, his friend came to his senses and dumped the girl. Later he thanked dh, as did his mother!

[eternalknot]

I'd only say something to the groom along the lines of: Hey, I wish I could be there for your big day but as a lifelong friend I can't come between you and fiancee (or I won't be placed in between you and fiancee). As much as I'd love to stand up with you on your wedding day, I feel a higher calling (or whatever) to continue with my plan to donate my hair to Locks of Love. I understand my hair is a sticking point for your fiancee, so I'll remove myself from the equation until/unless you two can work out that issue. If you want, we can take a few Poloroids of my hair in different styles so she can decide if {passive-aggressive alert} they are acceptable enough to allow me -your best friend- to be your best man at her wedding.

 

{Then take pictures of your husband's hair styled in a few different ways that would be appropriate for a wedding. For poops and laughs, include one in a gorgeous up-do.}

 

It's one of those tough-love things, and your poor husband has to love his friend enough to bow out. Sounds like you both are pretty fond of the groom and supportive of his choices - however poor they seem to be.

 

If someone else wants to confront the bride, that's on them; don't let yourselves be dragged into it, that's a no-win situation if ever I saw one!

[MariannNOVA]

This is a joke right? Right?

 

:iagree:......it's a joke, right?

[Legomom]

I just read the original post to my dh and he asked me to quote his response: "I spent 11 years under the yoke of a dysfunctional marriage. Helping someone avoid the emotional and financial cost of a situation similar is worth risking a friendship. It is objective counsel and if it is truly a friendship, understanding and respect will prevail". Nobody in my dh's family said anything to him when he got married, even though they had serious reservations about it.

 

I don't know that I really agree with my dh's comment, because at this point I think that it is too late to change the groom's mind, so it will possibly just make you look bad if you say something. I would be curious to know how many times saying something actually causes someone to change their mind at this point. My dad wrote a letter to my uncle (his identical twin brother) about a marriage that he disagreed with and it didn't result in any change.

[GWOB]

I too about crapped my pants when I read the "another $50k" comment. I think I spent a grand total of about $400 on my wedding. We have been happily married for 11+ years now;).

 

This is a tough one. I would normally stay out of it, but since "it" is sleeping on your couch, I personally would have a hard time keeping my trap shut. I would proceed very cautiously. Someone who wants to spend THAT much money on a wedding is likely not in their right mind. Let the friend's parents do the dirty work. Just be there to support your dh's friend.

 

Can I just add that the hair cutting thing just sounds completely ridiculous to me? Your dh's hair sounds like a big part of him. It is almost like asking someone to get a nose job to be in the wedding. Watch your tires. This one sounds crazy enough to slash them.

[Aggie]

My husband was asked to be the best man in his best friends wedding. They known each other since they were 1 years old. In fact, he asked Nick to be the best man before he proposed to the girlfriend.

 

Apparently, with best man-hood comes with the demand that my husband cut his (not even all that) long hair. He was a little surprised, since his hair is always beautifully tied back, always clean, he works in a professional building for one of the most prominent newspapers in the entire country, etc but he of course agreed.

 

I'm annoyed because he donates his hair to Locks of Love every 2.5 years or so. And unfortunately, it's only been growing out for about a year and a half and isn't long enough to donate yet. He is a little bummed because Locks of Love not only has a personal meaning to him but also because it's such a wonderful cause in general. And apparently, the best friend/groom is upset, too.

 

The groom has sort of taken the demanding of Nick's hair being cut to make a point of her Bridezilla-ness (she really has been....yowza...). And my husband is a mellow, easy-going, wants to please everyone, "let's not cause a scene" kind of guy, so he's trying to make it clear that while it's a shame, the haircut is okay. But the friend is really feuding with the bride now. To the point where she kicked him out of the apartment so he's been sleeping on our couch the last two nights and again when they get back tonight.

 

All of the friends in their circle (and three sets of parents in the wedding party AND the grooms' parents) have been begging us to talk to the groom in a "here's your chance to GTFO of the relationship" sort of way, but I don't want to interfere. He proposed, so obviously he loves her and wants to be with her...and even though none of us understand it, it's none of our business...even if the business is now on my couch. Right? Should I mention something innocuous and see where it leads? Blah.

 

 

 

This isn't necessarily true. :( Sadly, it's often easier to get married than it is to break up, even when one or both people know getting married is not the right thing to do.

 

 

 

You could ask him questions that will lead to him understanding what his future might look like.

 

 

Has her character changed since she's been planning the wedding?

 

Does she usually demand her way like this?

 

What would she be like if the wedding was low-key and inexpensive?

 

What is it about the best man's hair cut that is driving her insane? Pictures? Conformity? Does he even know or care?

 

What will his life be like in 5 or 10 years with this woman?

 

(I know other posters will have much better questions!)

 

 

 

You're right in that this has to be the groom's decision. Any interference could be disastrous. Calling off a wedding at this point is very expensive, difficult(,) and humbling.

[DarlaS]

Calling off a wedding at this point is very expensive, difficult(,) and humbling.

 

So is divorce. :tongue_smilie:

 

She's a nutter. Someone's got to talk to him. He probably already suspects and maybe just needs to hear someone else say it.

 

There is NO WAY a sane person spends that much on a wedding.

[eternalknot]

My SIL spent $200K on her wedding. She's not insane, nor was she a Bridezilla. She's just ... expensive LOL.

 

Signed,

Happy Squatter at the Open Bar

 

*Just saying that spending a lot doesn't mean one is crazy, just that they may have different financial priorities. The OP's bride is crazy, for sure, but not necessarily because she's spending so much on her wedding. She's just crazy because she's crazy, and happens to be spending a lot on her wedding.

 

I got suckered into a marathon of Platinum Weddings once, while on a work trip (hotel). Insane. Shows like that certainly don't help women that are already borderline nuts about the wedding day thing.

[Trish]

Maybe she meant 5k? That has to be a Typo, not a Brain-O, right? I mean, nobody needs a down payment for a house? Or these people are uber-rich and he just doesn't want to get a hotel room in this situation

[Mrs Mungo]

We (in a group of friends intervention style) have advised friends against marrying certain people. Once they broke it off, once the wedding went forward. In the latter case they wound up divorced, he (our friend) has custody. The mom hasn't been allowed to see her dd in over a year. Avoiding the bad marriage is a lot less painful for everyone.

[Liz CA]

You are kidding about the $50,000, right? :glare:

[trailofsparks]

Haven't read the other posts. . . .

 

First, when you said the groom was upset that your dh has to cut his hair, I thought I missed something! I reread to that point, and thought so the bride is asserting this?

 

I definitely think you should say something to him along the lines of what you numerically listed at the bottom of your post and that, in the end, you will support him no matter what his decision is. I would try to open his eyes a little by pointing out that marriage would be like a magnifying glass - no, a microscope! - magnifying the underlying issue here: 1)She sounds very demanding. 2)She cares more about this wedding than she does about her relationships with people: groom, groom's parents, best man. . . (who else!?!). 3)Who is she to kick him out of their apartment?? Anyone who is/has been married knows that if these things are happening NOW, they will continue.

 

The groom needs to put her in her place, respectfully and as gently as possible. We all need this sometimes from our spouses and we need to also do this for our spouses. If he can't/won't do this now, he likely never will. If he marries her, I predict that misery and divorce will be in his future. :sad:

[july19]

I love you guys. I really needed the laughs!

 

Maybe they can get that British lady to send an email that will go viral?

 

I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

 

I wish I knew how to multi-quote right now!

 

Nope, I promise this isn't a joke. I wish it was, though!

 

Yep, another $50,000. The groom's parents (who work modest jobs) have already shelled out $65,000 as it is. Her parents paid for her $29,000 dress and $11,000 shoes. She has expensive taste. And if she could afford it, I don't think his parents would care. But she is 25 years old and has never had a job. Ever. Never ever. And the groom has a job, but only as a substitute teacher. He wants a wedding like my husband and I had - immediate family and a few good friends (Drew was there :) ) only, married by a friend, total cost was $350 which was mostly the rings, etc. She laughed hysterically at the idea and told us that we were "adorably simple-minded". Grrr.

 

She's always been...high maintenance? She has always been pretty manipulative and likes to demand *her* way or else. She really likes to be the center of attention and is one of those girls who are always screamy, loud and always full of complaints (know what I mean?). But this wedding has really taken all of that up six notches.

 

When the groom asked what about Nick's hair does she not like, she said she hates that the rest of the guys have short hair and are blonde. And since she thought that asking him to dye his hair from black to blonde was too much, she wants it cut instead and she will, and I quote, "deal with the color". :glare:

 

My husband said something similar to the asking nicely whether there was a deeper underlying issue, and knows that Drew will love him no matter what she demands, but he hates confrontation regardless who it is. Maybe wait and see how long this lasts? Hopefully he will answer her calls tomorrow? Maybe? Please?

 

12 more days until vacation....12 more days...

[Carol in Cal.]

"deal with the color" ???

 

That is so so so funny!

 

It reminds me of those weddings where the invitation assigns colors of clothing to wear or something.

 

Really, the degree of planning around weddings these days is remarkable to me. It's funny because it's all so extreme. Some are going toward "Ok, bridesmaids, wear your favorite navy blue dress and we'll call it good" while others are going for full matching everything--hair, nails, make up, hose, as well as dresses and shoes, not to mention coordinating the guest clothing, etc.

 

I have a hard time even imagining a wedding this expensive, and I'm not a 'get er done cheap' kind of person. Wow.

 

It's too bad in a way that this is such a good friend of yours. If you didn't absolutely have to tell him what you see on the horizon, this would actually be really something to watch and tell us all about!

[Aggie]

So is divorce. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

I know! Usually, though, the couple involved can't see the marriage for the wedding plans.

 

Although it seems like a direct confrontation would work best, it may backfire. I would definitely approach the groom but very gently.

 

Listen, I broke off my wedding 2 weeks before. It was awful, though better than a divorce. The whole engagement, I kept thinking those thoughts that we all know to be false: it'll be different/better after we're married.

 

When I would tell people what I did, the biggest response was, "I wish *I* had known you could cancel a wedding." One lady told me that she would have gone through with the wedding then just divorced after!

 

Once those plans get rolling, it's not easy to stop the train(wreck).

[trailofsparks]

She's always been...high maintenance? She has always been pretty manipulative and likes to demand *her* way or else. She really likes to be the center of attention and is one of those girls who are always screamy, loud and always full of complaints (know what I mean?). But this wedding has really taken all of that up six notches.

 

When the groom asked what about Nick's hair does she not like, she said she hates that the rest of the guys have short hair and are blonde. And since she thought that asking him to dye his hair from black to blonde was too much, she wants it cut instead and she will, and I quote, "deal with the color". :glare:

 

 

I guess he knows what he's getting into if this wedding debacle hasn't brought out her true colors. I wonder if his folks would just say to him, "We don't care about the 50K we've already spent; we'll cut our losses. We just want you to be happy and we don't think it's possible if you marry her." As far as her parents? They deserve to lose everything for raising such a tyrant! Yuck.

[Mama Geek]

Have you guys talked to him before now? I would bet that this is not the first red flag. If you have already said your peace I would not do so again.

 

My db married a complete piece of trash (3 kids from different fathers, drugs, alcohol, abuse, never did anything for herself or kids) and I talked to him and spoke my mind before they got engaged. He called the cops on her for violence before they got married. They have been married about 3 months and he has asked our mom if he could move back in with her twice now. It hasn't gotten better, she hasn't changed, he has been really stupid about it from the get go. I discuss as little about his wife as possible when I talk to him on the phone. I don't want to be involved in any of the drama that he has married. I am better off without it.

 

I think if you guys have not said anything, say something once and then let your friend make his decision. Support and love him and that is all you can do.

[Ellie]

There's so much wrong with this story I don't even know where to start.

 

:willy_nilly:

 

But I don't think *you* should say anything. It's between Mr. July 19 and his buddy. They have to work it out.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

 

Yep, another $50,000. The groom's parents (who work modest jobs) have already shelled out $65,000 as it is. Her parents paid for her $29,000 dress and $11,000 shoes.

 

Nope, sorry. People who work "modest jobs" don't have $65,000 sitting in the bank waiting for a selfish future DIL to come along and cherry-pick. Not buying that!

 

Her dress was $29,000 and her shoes were $11,000, and she's marrying a man so poor he has to sleep on a buddy's couch when they fight instead of getting a hotel room or a second home or something? A woman with that kind of pocket money from Mom and Dad wants to marry a substitute teacher? Also very, very hard to believe!

 

I think someone is pulling someone's leg.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

As someone who spent $200 at a consignment shop for her own wedding dress 17 years ago, I had to go on a quick google search about this.

 

Monique Lhuillier, selling at Nieman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue, tops out at $10,000.

 

Vera Wang bridal gowns begin at $2,500. They do not approach a cost above $20,000 unless Vera herself designs it and alters it for the bride.

 

Who designed this gal's dress?

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[Mrs Mungo]

Did you see how many of us are oldest children? This story is stressing us out!! She has never had a job. He is a substitute teacher. She has the taste of one of those reality show housewives-of- women. They are GETTING MARRIED? How is going to keep her? Where are they going to live? Oh, the impracticality of it all!!!

[Desert Rat]

*snort*

[PinkInTheBlue]

Hmmm....

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Did you see how many of us are oldest children? This story is stressing us out!! She has never had a job. He is a substitute teacher. She has the taste of one of those reality show housewives-of- women. They are GETTING MARRIED? How is going to keep her? Where are they going to live? Oh, the impracticality of it all!!!

 

I am totally envisioning a Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-Eater scenario, here. This is the stuff bad nursery rhymes are made of.

[CalicoKat]

My husband was asked to be the best man in his best friends wedding. They known each other since they were 1 years old. In fact, he asked Nick to be the best man before he proposed to the girlfriend.

 

Apparently, with best man-hood comes with the demand that my husband cut his (not even all that) long hair. He was a little surprised, since his hair is always beautifully tied back, always clean, he works in a professional building for one of the most prominent newspapers in the entire country, etc but he of course agreed.

 

I'm annoyed because he donates his hair to Locks of Love every 2.5 years or so. And unfortunately, it's only been growing out for about a year and a half and isn't long enough to donate yet. He is a little bummed because Locks of Love not only has a personal meaning to him but also because it's such a wonderful cause in general. And apparently, the best friend/groom is upset, too.

 

The groom has sort of taken the demanding of Nick's hair being cut to make a point of her Bridezilla-ness (she really has been....yowza...). And my husband is a mellow, easy-going, wants to please everyone, "let's not cause a scene" kind of guy, so he's trying to make it clear that while it's a shame, the haircut is okay. But the friend is really feuding with the bride now. To the point where she kicked him out of the apartment so he's been sleeping on our couch the last two nights and again when they get back tonight.

 

All of the friends in their circle (and three sets of parents in the wedding party AND the grooms' parents) have been begging us to talk to the groom in a "here's your chance to GTFO of the relationship" sort of way, but I don't want to interfere. He proposed, so obviously he loves her and wants to be with her...and even though none of us understand it, it's none of our business...even if the business is now on my couch. Right? Should I mention something innocuous and see where it leads? Blah.

 

I love the friend dearly, he's like a brother. But

A) my son loves him too, and didn't want to school today because "Uncle D*** was here and I wanna play!!"

B) we leave for vacation soon and this fight doesn't look like it will be over anytime soon!

C) it's a brand new couch and I haven't even sat on it yet! :lol:

D) i want what is best for him, even if it is with her

E) grooms parents made it clear that if *we* don't say something, *they* will and it won't be nearly as nice. They also are done paying any more $$ for the wedding, as the bride insisted on another $50,000 from them.

 

What says the Hive?

 

Your husband's hair is his choice to cut or not. The Bride is really out of line here. If she didn't like his hair she shouldn't have agreed to let him be in the wedding party in the first place. I say your dh should gracefully bow out.

[july19]

Nope, sorry. People who work "modest jobs" don't have $65,000 sitting in the bank waiting for a selfish future DIL to come along and cherry-pick. Not buying that!

 

Her dress was $29,000 and her shoes were $11,000, and she's marrying a man so poor he has to sleep on a buddy's couch when they fight instead of getting a hotel room or a second home or something? A woman with that kind of pocket money from Mom and Dad wants to marry a substitute teacher? Also very, very hard to believe!

 

I think someone is pulling someone's leg.

 

:confused:

 

Admittedly, they didn't always have modest jobs - but they were never necessarily "wealthy". The father of the groom used to sell cars and was pretty successful - but now works as a courier. The mom was a dental hygienist but after being laid off, now works as a secretary. They had a great nest egg, had set money aside for each of their boys for their wedding and had a hefty inheritance when the grooms grandfather died. We all assumed that the majority of the wedding money came from that.

 

And the groom is staying with us because, yes, he's only working as a sub right now even though he went to college to be a speech pathologist. He doesn't exactly have the money right now to spend on a hotel, and I'm not sure of your point? Someone with expensive taste can't be with someone who is having trouble finding a good job right now? :confused:

[kitten18]

I would just continue to be supportive of him, but try to stay out of the couple drama. I would continue to say that DH will cut his hair, so it isn't about him.

 

The Groom has to decide what he wants to do and you don't want either one of them blaming you guys. You don't want your DH to lose his dear friend if they get married and the bridezilla decides that the trouble in their relationship all stems from your DH and works to cut off the friendship.

 

I would not cave into the others wanting your to do the dirty work and talk to the groom. If they think it is so important, then they should talk to him.

:iagree:

[Mrs Mungo]

And the groom is staying with us because, yes, he's only working as a sub right now even though he went to college to be a speech pathologist. He doesn't exactly have the money right now to spend on a hotel, and I'm not sure of your point? Someone with expensive taste can't be with someone who is having trouble finding a good job right now? :confused:

 

What!? They can be with each other. They can even get married. But it is downright stupid for such a couple to spend $150,000+ on a wedding!!! They should go to city hall and the parents could use that money toward setting him up his own business. He doesn't need to get a job as a speech pathologist, he just needs an office.

 

If neither of them can figure that out, then, no, they have no business getting married.

 

Eta: sorry, but I am an oldest child, an ETNP(sometimes J, like now) and a Scorpio. I could not hold it in.

[july19]

As someone who spent $200 at a consignment shop for her own wedding dress 17 years ago, I had to go on a quick google search about this.

 

Monique Lhuillier, selling at Nieman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue, tops out at $10,000.

 

Vera Wang bridal gowns begin at $2,500. They do not approach a cost above $20,000 unless Vera herself designs it and alters it for the bride.

 

Who designed this gal's dress?

 

No idea. I know she had it privately designed and altered, but don't know by who. These prices came from her (the bride). I never questioned that she was lying, given everything else she's demanded. Maybe she is?

[amsunshine]

What!? They can be with each other. They can even get married. But it is downright stupid for such a couple to spend $150,000+ on a wedding!!! They should go to city hall and the parents could use that money toward setting him up his own business. He doesn't need to get a job as a speech pathologist, he just needs an office.

 

If neither of them can figure that out, then, no, they have no business getting married.

:iagree:What she said.

[july19]

What!? They can be with each other. They can even get married. But it is downright stupid for such a couple to spend $150,000+ on a wedding!!! They should go to city hall and the parents could use that money toward setting him up his own business. He doesn't need to get a job as a speech pathologist, he just needs an office.

 

If neither of them can figure that out, then, no, they have no business getting married.

 

Eta: sorry, but I am an oldest child, an ETNP(sometimes J, like now) and a Scorpio. I could not hold it in.

 

I love you, Mrs. Mungo.

[*Inna*]

 

Did you see how many of us are oldest children? This story is stressing us out!! She has never had a job. He is a substitute teacher. She has the taste of one of those reality show housewives-of- women. They are GETTING MARRIED? How is going to keep her? Where are they going to live? Oh, the impracticality of it all!!!

:lol:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

No idea. I know she had it privately designed and altered, but don't know by who. These prices came from her (the bride). I never questioned that she was lying, given everything else she's demanded. Maybe she is?

 

That's kinda what I'm thinking. I think y'all are being had, on some level.

 

edited to add: And if you're not, the groom sure is! He ought to run for his life. Maybe come back when she grows up.

[SonshineLearner]

Hopefully he's saving for child support, because this won't end up working out :( Say it isn't so about $50,000... that's more than any normal wedding I've heard about. I spent about $3500. and would think twice that if I had a bigger wedding would be on the "outside" of the amount I'd spend... WOW!!!

[justasque]

:confused:Someone with expensive taste can't be with someone who is having trouble finding a good job right now? :confused:

 

Not if, while he is financially struggling, she is asking his family for $50K to spend on a party, no. Absolutely not. She is clearly all about surface appearances, and the dream wedding. (The hair issue. VERY rude. You and hubby are being very gracious.) She is clearly utterly clueless about money. She is spending other people's money without understanding what it took to earn that money, and without any thought of the future with her new husband, financially. She believes that the fancy weddings she sees on TV are what regular sensible people do in real life. (They don't. Unless they can afford it. Which she can't.)

 

Has she even thought about the actual after the wedding, being married part?

 

The good news is he's on the couch. Make him very, very comfortable there. Make sure he knows he can stay as long as he wants. And listen to him. A lot. Create a "safe space" where he can work through his feelings. Make sure he knows that he can postpone the wedding if he is feeling unsure.

[amyco]

I am sorry you are in this situation. I'm also sorry the bride can't accept your dh as he is, that he grows his hair for Locks of Love as an act of generosity, that she feels he needs to be her idea of perfect for the wedding. I'd probably not say anything to her, but maybe have your dh say his peace to the groom, and then let them make their own decisions/mistakes/etc. (I'm not an oldest child. ;) ) One of my dh's groomsmen is a musician and he had a mohawk when dh and I got married...I would never have dreamed of asking him to cut it. He did wear it down, although we all thought it would have been cool if he wore it up. It's just so not important in the scheme of things.

 

And the best piece of advice I ever got about wedding planning was from my priest: remember that you are planning for a life together, not just one day.

[melissel]

I love you guys. I really needed the laughs!

 

 

 

I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

 

I wish I knew how to multi-quote right now!

 

Nope, I promise this isn't a joke. I wish it was, though!

 

Yep, another $50,000. The groom's parents (who work modest jobs) have already shelled out $65,000 as it is. Her parents paid for her $29,000 dress and $11,000 shoes.

 

I only got this far. Uncle D should run like the wind.

[AK_Mom4]

I think your DH should leave his hair long, but dye it blond.... then he would match the rest of the groomsmen!

[melissel]

Nope, sorry. People who work "modest jobs" don't have $65,000 sitting in the bank waiting for a selfish future DIL to come along and cherry-pick. Not buying that!

 

Well, to be fair, my parents have always worked fairly modest jobs and they are millionaires. They'd be ****ed if they gave me $115,000 of it for a wedding though!

 

Regardless, there's no way he should marry that woman. She will never be happy; therefore, neither will he.

[kalanamak]

If I were best man, father of the groom, or brother, I would open my mouth. Polite, private, but I would. And when it turned out I was right, I would NEVER mention the conversation.

Edited July 3, 2011 by kalanamak
spelling

[meggie]

Hopefully he's saving for child support, because this won't end up working out :(

 

No kidding. The first time he "makes her mad" *rolls eyes* she's going to be kicking him out again.

 

There is so much wrong with that girl, I am just so baffled. Hoping he comes to his senses and realizes a called off wedding is much less painful than a divorce. And why on earth would the parents have given her $65K anyway?!?!?!?!?! Do they not know how to say no? The whole thing is just so, so sad.

 

My blood pressure is rising and I'm getting angry and wish I could give that girl a talking to. I'm a middle child though, I must have missed something about being the oldest:confused:

[july19]

Hopefully he's saving for child support, because this won't end up working out :(

 

Oh gosh...I never thought of her pregnant. That would...oh my. How am I supposed to sleep now?!!

 

Again, I appreciate the thoughts and advice of everyone. Many have echoed what Nick and I were already thinking. We love the groom (though I see I slipped and called him by his name. Eh, oh well :lol: ) so much...we are just worried. Hopefully this all blows over and he comes to his senses without much intervening. He knows he's family and is welcome as long as he needs. He was pretty quiet when they got back from watching the UFC fight (which is another topic for another thread....I just don't get it??) so hopefully he's thinking loooong and haaaard :)

Edited July 3, 2011 by july19