Would you say anything about this?

[clarkacademy]

Personally I would not say anything. As long as the boys are behaving I would let them be. But that doesn't mean you don't have the right to complain. I have seen it happen to often with people/kids being kicked out of places (such as change rooms), and I don't like it.

 

One case from a pool I went to years ago. A very small community pool. A grandmother took her mentally handicapped son swimming. I wasn't sure what his problem was, but you could tell he had difficulties. (Didn't make eye contact, made many strange animal noises, only said a few words...) But as soon as he turned 6 he was kicked out by the other woman. They had the big complaint that he kept playing with himself. He did so when being changed by his grandmother in the way very little boys handle themselves. It just made me so sad that he lost the chance to swim which he really loved since he made other uncomfortable.

 

Mind you as long as the boy/child was behaving properly I wouldn't complain. But I am a strange, odd person when it comes to some things.

 

I would hope that this would be the only allowance, I would hope others could put things aside for this example

[Mimm]

This happened at the place my kids were having swim lessons. Except that the facility DID have family changing rooms and the boy in question was more like 10 and the daughter that they were waiting on was in her teens. :glare: I was not happy that he was in there, but it was the last day so I wasn't going to make a stink about it.

[laundrycrisis]

Our DS1 was over seven before he could manage to get a wet swimsuit up or down by himself. He would get it rolled up around his legs and then start jumping like on a pogo stick and panicking. I could not send him into the men's without help. One time I tried. He was six. All he had to do was remove the mostly dry suit and put on a pair of sweatpants, commando. 20 minutes later I was still waiting for him to come out. He would answer me but not come out. Finally I had to ask a dad I did not know to go see what the deal was. This man was at lessons with his daughter so he was sympathetic to my problem. Our son did not want to pull down his suit and get it stuck out in the open. He was trying to climb inside a locker and shut the door from the inside so he could change in private. The dad turned his back while holding a towel across a corner of the locker room so he would finally get it done. From then on I swore to never send my sons into a changing room alone until I know they can manage the suit and figure out how to give themselves privacy. DS1 is now 8 and can handle it. DS2 is 5 and still has trouble pulling up pants and cannot manage a wet swimsuit. If he needs to pee I take him into the ladies. At our local pool the age limit is 7 so this is not a problem. At another pool where he attends a gym and swim program the age limit is five. They have four individual family changing rooms with toilets, and I will take him to those if one is available. If one is not, I will take him into the ladies and violate their policy. It's either that or he pees on the floor, which is clearly worse. At times I have also changed him into his pants in the hallway just inside the door of the ladies so not actually in the area where any females are undressed, when all of the family changing rooms were tied up and I had waited for over ten minutes with a shivering kid. Taking them home in damp suits under their clothes IMO is not an option when it is only two degrees F outside. I understand the policies but allowances must be made for mothers with sons who need adult assistance.

[twoxcell]

Sounds like they need an update. Our Y has a girls locker room, and a boys locker room. These are mostly used by kids under 18, and parents of same gender kids, unless the child is 5 and under. They also have a family changing room that has individual rooms, as well as adult women and mens locker rooms for 18 and up(the adults without kids use these). If I go to swim lessons I go in the girls locker room with dd, but I send my ds into the boys by himself, and just make sure he makes it through to the other side. If my dh takes them alone he takes dd to the family locker room.

[QueenCat]

I think I'm going to call tomorrow. I have no desire for boys to be unsafe, but I also want to consider my DD's feelings. Feelings that I think are pretty reasonable. :001_smile:

 

:iagree:Your daughter's feelings are extremely reasonable for her age. I understand the views of parents of boys but that doesn't dismiss the need of the girls, who are in the girls locker room.

[QueenCat]

:iagree: I am a little surprised at the people suggesting that we should leave or avoid the situation when we are the ones following the rules and facility standards. I'm confused, I guess.

 

Me too. There are many safe solutions that won't violate the female's privacy in the female locker room.

[JennyD]

Me too. There are many safe solutions that won't violate the female's privacy in the female locker room.

 

I think that it is perfectly reasonable for girls and women not to want elementary age boys in the locker room, but as this thread is making clear, there frequently *aren't* a lot of good solutions.

 

When my oldest was 5 and too big to go in with in the women's room at the Y, we ultimately just wound up just stopping swimming for a while. The men's room at that (big, urban, very crowded) Y was just not a controlled enough environment, and when we switched pools to a more sheltered environment, I discovered that he just couldn't quite manage the whole thing solo. And we go everyone by foot/public transport, so no car to change in, and going home dripping was just not an option outside of midsummer. i have other friends with same-age boys who only swim when Dad is available.

 

I am hopeful that now, at 6, my oldest might be able to handle at least the changing part, although we haven't yet tried it. I really wish that more places would at least consider how to handle this problem. It's not like it's a new issue -- I worked at a YMCA for years in the 80s and 90s, and unsurprisingly, this exact same situation came up constantly back then, too. Has that YMCA built any kind of family locker room in the intervening 25 years? Of course not.

Edited June 20, 2011 by JennyD

[Pretty in Pink]

At times I have also changed him into his pants in the hallway just inside the door of the ladies so not actually in the area where any females are undressed, when all of the family changing rooms were tied up and I had waited for over ten minutes with a shivering kid.

 

I have done this before, too. It's always been a workable option, at least at all of the gyms that we have ever belonged to. There is always an area just inside the door to the locker room where my boys can stand and not be able to see anyone that is inside changing or anything. On the rare occassion that I have only my 5yo with me, I just tell him to close his eyes and lead him through to the exit on the other side. I'm not sending him in the men's locker room alone. No way.

[BatmansWife]

I never did, and still don't, understand this idea of communal showering. Since when did it ever become acceptable to have an open shower for everyone to use at the same time?? I never did get that. I won't use them and won't let my kids use them.

 

I think the main issue here is that the boys were showering witout any clothes on. We seem to all understand the issue here of sending the boys into the mens locker room and not feeling that it is safe. OK...I get that. But.....the boys are showering, out in the open, in the GIRLS/WOMAN'S locker room, with NO CLOTHES ON!?!?! This just isn't acceptable to me and it's inappropriate. Why wouldn't both of those moms tell the boys to keep their swim shorts on, for goodness sake! They know there will be little girls in there. What in the world are they (the mom of the boys) thinking??

 

I'm responding to this thread a little late....you may have already called the pool. I'm thinking, though, that if you talk to the manager (or whoever) that the boys may be forced into the mens locker room because they are clearly violating the rule about age that is posted (the pool may not be aware that they are doing this). Another option is to talk to the moms. Explain that this is not appropriate and it's just not right that their boys are showering naked in the girls locker room. If you decide to let the age rule slip, and understand that the moms probably don't want their boys alone in the mens locker room, then there has to be some other rule between these two moms and the rest of the moms with girls. They should be the ones to shower LAST. They should agree to wait outside until all the girls are done showering and dressing. I don't feel they should be allowed to go first, even though there is just two of them. If they want to break the rules then they should be the ones to be inconvenienced. When all the girls are done and out...then they can be free to come in. Or....another option (but maybe not the best....but might work if the moms refuse to wait with the boys outside the room) is that everyone showers with suits ON. But, it's still possible that some girls may feel uncomfortable with even this.

 

We have not dealt with an issue like this yet, but we will be taking our first swimming lessons next month. My plan from the get-go is to arrive with the kids wearing their swimming suits. After lessons we'll dry off with a towel and cover up with a dry towel or two, get in the car (I'll put something down on the seats), shower and change at home.

 

My dd is also 7 and she has no clue that there are communal showers. She would be horrified. She would never undress, let alone shower, out in the open, in a public place. This is not something that I instilled in her....this is just how she naturally would react ("Take my clothes off here?? Shower over there with all those showers?? Someone might come in! Shower and dress in front of other girls (or boys!) and moms?? What??!! No way!). I find it unusual that even those boys freely showered without clothes on, especially in the girls locker room. Didn't they seem embarrassed in any way? I'm not sure which would be worse....if they were embarrassed or if they weren't.

 

Let us know what happens.

 

 

I'd just have my son shower at home.

 

Anywho, I've never understood changing out in the open in locker rooms. Even in the high school locker room, we all changed in private. I've never seen a reason to be naked around anyone I wasn't very, very close to. Yes, I realize I'm more modest than most! :tongue_smilie: My naked body is my private thing. And since there are people attracted to the opposite sex and people attracted to the same sex, it's not like I feel more comfortable being naked in a girls locker room than I would be in a men's locker room. Yeah, I know. I'm probably weird.

 

:iagree:

You are not weird in the least. I think not feeling this way would be weird.

 

 

I guess I'm wierd too. I don't change out in the open either. I'm just not comfortable with it and I figure it's nobody's business what is under my clothes! I got pretty grossed out the one time I decided to use the womes locker room instead of the family locker room (my dc weren't with me so I thought I'd be a grown up...never again!). Anyway, after I had changed, I was brushing hair & gathering by belongings and the whole time, there are 3 women standing/sitting around in their birthday suits watching TV (Oprah), talking & laughing! I'm just not into hanging out in the nude! I'll take screaming kids and smelly family locker rooms any day before I try the Womens locker room again! YUCK!

 

:iagree:

ETA: And isn't this to a certain extent, what we teach our children....that what is under our underwear is private?? But, then we ask them to uncover it at a public open shower/changing room. And, just because it's a public pool or gym that this is acceptable? I don't know....to me it just isn't.

 

And, about the woman watching Oprah in the nude......EW!!! Gag me! Seriously, I will never understand some people and what they think is acceptable and appropriate.

 

 

Call me a prude, but I don't understand why anyone has to get naked and shower after swim class. When I go to the pool I shower off in my suit and then get changed in a changing room or bathroom stall depending on the facility. My kids do the same. When I was in middle/high school and we had to change after gym, I went in the bathroom. I never felt comfortable even being in my underwear around my same-sex peers.

 

I would under no circumstances send my young son into a men's locker room alone. But I also wouldn't let my children at the age of 7 getting naked in a communal shower. So I guess my solution would be that everyone showers with their suits on and changes in private stalls.

 

:iagree: Exactly!

 

Our DS1 was over seven before he could manage to get a wet swimsuit up or down by himself. He would get it rolled up around his legs and then start jumping like on a pogo stick and panicking. I could not send him into the men's without help. One time I tried. He was six. All he had to do was remove the mostly dry suit and put on a pair of sweatpants, commando. 20 minutes later I was still waiting for him to come out. He would answer me but not come out. Finally I had to ask a dad I did not know to go see what the deal was. This man was at lessons with his daughter so he was sympathetic to my problem. Our son did not want to pull down his suit and get it stuck out in the open. He was trying to climb inside a locker and shut the door from the inside so he could change in private.

 

To the first part: :smilielol5:It's comical...but I understand the horror!

To the second part: Awww....poor little boy!

Edited June 20, 2011 by ~AprilMay~

[Mom0012]

This ticks me off to no end. Swim team members are required to be members of the facility so they should get the same rights and privileges as any other member!:cursing:

 

Well, it ticked me off too and if my son had been younger, I would have continued to have him use the family changing room no matter what they said. In our case, though, we are not members of the facility. However, most of the people taking the swim classes and using the family changing room are not members either. They have just signed up for classes directly through the community center whereas we signed up through the swim team. We are paying to use the facility just as much as anyone else, though.

 

Lisa

[Lolly]

I was thinking along those lines, too. I would want to get everybody organized and send the boy-mommies through first and then the girl-mommies. (I'd say 'girls first' but boys are quicker.)

 

Do you have a boy? How I wish this were so...In any case, the boys are the ones wanting to use something not meant for them, they should be the ones waiting.

 

:lol::smilielol5: Wow, hearts, who knew!?

 

So, you are going in for renovations...:lol::lol:

 

 

 

On the whole shower thing, there is no family facility; so that just isn't an option. you can't really expect more a more modern set-up to be put in everywhere. They have to use what they have. What age would be a good cut-off? Everyone is going to have a different opinion there. One of my friends was still bringing her 11 yo ds in restrooms and locker roms with her. He was as tall as she was and hitting puberty. Ummmm....NO. My ds could manage himself and his wet suit at 5 in a public locker room just fine. I stood outside the open (always) doorway and waited for him listening for any indication of trouble. Okay, so after several months, I just sat in a chair in the lobby. He got into more trouble as a 9 yo boy in the locker room than at 5-7! At that point, he had more buddies and more bad/good ideas... At 12, I was having to send a dad in to tell him he had more 2 minutes to get out. Mho, is that I would tell the administration that there are over 5 yo boys using the girls' locker room. That is their line in the sand, they need to enforce it. The boys can towel change in the pool area or the lobby if their mothers don't want them to go into the boys' room alone. I actually had ds do this instead of going into the girls' locker room when he was too young to manage for himself. The older boys at the pool tend to use this method themselves instead of utilizing the locker rooms. One is quite funny. He's 14. He gets his suit off, boxers on, and lets the towel go. Then, he'll stand there talking until he gets around to putting his shorts on. I guess his undies don't show any more than his bathing suit!

[Pretty in Pink]

The boys can towel change in the pool area or the lobby if their mothers don't want them to go into the boys' room alone. I actually had ds do this instead of going into the girls' locker room when he was too young to manage for himself. The older boys at the pool tend to use this method themselves instead of utilizing the locker rooms. One is quite funny. He's 14. He gets his suit off, boxers on, and lets the towel go. Then, he'll stand there talking until he gets around to putting his shorts on. I guess his undies don't show any more than his bathing suit!

 

Um, no. I would not be happy if I saw a teenage boy changing under his towel either poolside or in the lobby. That is ridiculous. You aren't even allowed to change little ones' swim diapers poolside at any of the pools we frequent, let alone have your 5 or 7 year old strip down behind a towel, and I am fairly certain that has got to be against the rules at most any swimming facility. Really, if you're going to be a stickler for the rules prohibiting 5 yo boys from entering the female locker room then you ought to be a stickler about the rules prohibiting people from changing poolside. Fourteen years old, no less. Sheesh. :confused:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Do you have a boy? How I wish this were so...In any case, the boys are the ones wanting to use something not meant for them, they should be the ones waiting.

 

 

 

I have four boys.

 

I didn't mean that they should keep the girls waiting, if the moms in this class all decided to work together on this issue. As others said, the boys would get out early and be done and gone before the girls got to the locker rooms at all.

 

And the teenager undressing and redressing under a towel needs some correction. For Pete's sake.

[Lolly]

Um, no. I would not be happy if I saw a teenage boy changing under his towel either poolside or in the lobby. That is ridiculous. You aren't even allowed to change little ones' swim diapers poolside at any of the pools we frequent, let alone have your 5 or 7 year old strip down behind a towel, and I am fairly certain that has got to be against the rules at most any swimming facility. Really, if you're going to be a stickler for the rules prohibiting 5 yo boys from entering the female locker room then you ought to be a stickler about the rules prohibiting people from changing poolside. Fourteen years old, no less. Sheesh. :confused:

 

It is a very common swim thing, deck changing, seen at all levels of competitive swimming. :D They get quite good at it.:lol: I actually doubt there are any rules against it at pools as long as it is done in a manner in which the nudity is well covered.:)

[mycalling]

Could the facility allow for times where a sign can be put on the Men's locker room so it can be temporarily used for parents accompanying boys changing? Something like "In use ONLY for parents accompanying young boys until 3:10."

[In The Great White North]

It is a very common swim thing, deck changing, seen at all levels of competitive swimming. :D They get quite good at it.:lol: I actually doubt there are any rules against it at pools as long as it is done in a manner in which the nudity is well covered.:)

 

Not in New England. It is, however, specifically mentioned in the meet information as something you are NOT allowed to do, so I assumed someone, somewhere must have tried it.

 

OTOH, I've been to a few meets in Switzerland now and they manage to put on Fastskins under towels outside (summer meets.) That takes talent (and about 20 minutes.)

[In The Great White North]

Could the facility allow for times where a sign can be put on the Men's locker room so it can be temporarily used for parents accompanying boys changing? Something like "In use ONLY for parents accompanying young boys until 3:10."

 

OP was talking about a community college pool. How is that fair to the students?

[AndyJoy]

When my little boy gets too old to come into the women's room, we'll rinse off in the outdoor shower (don't most pools have one of these?) and change at home. Even if we can't rise off, a 10 minute trip in a chlorinated suit won't kill us.

 

I NEVER showered in the locker room as a kid/teen without my suit on. As an adult, I have used individual stalls while nude, I've never used a communal shower. At the college I worked at, the women's communal shower was pristine and never needed cleaning because everyone used the 6 private showers instead! I sure wouldn't expect my 6 year old boy to shower naked in front of a bunch of random people in either the men's or women's locker room!

 

I have another concern about a young boy using the locker room alone. For those of you with 6-8 year old boys, are they necessarily capable of turning on the shower without burning themselves? I babysat children this age who usually needed me to set the water temp for them. Were they unusual--is it typical for a 6-year-old to be able to do this safely?

[Lolly]

Not in New England. It is, however, specifically mentioned in the meet information as something you are NOT allowed to do, so I assumed someone, somewhere must have tried it.

 

OTOH, I've been to a few meets in Switzerland now and they manage to put on Fastskins under towels outside (summer meets.) That takes talent (and about 20 minutes.)

 

There are some very famous New England swimmers who have been known to deck change. I'll bet it goes on anyway. A good deck changer can manage it in seconds and is almost undetectable when well done.;)

 

Well, seconds in regular clothes and suits. A Fastskin would take longer....

[WeeBeaks]

We encounter the same problems. Our solution is to go home, but that is feasible here. We have also had the boys change in the van - not ideal at all.

 

Does the pool have a male lifeguard or instructor? Could he be present in the locker room for the boys for 15-20 min afterward for safety? I realize that doesn't help those with dexterity issues on their suits, but might help the danger fears.

 

Our pool is a community pool, open to the entire community during lessons and afterwards. There is no possible way I'm letting my 5yo (6 very soon) in an open locker room where absolutely anyone can be in there.

 

People here routinely change under a towel poolside too, and there appears to be no rule against it that I know of. They do it on the beach and in the beach parking lots too, dozens of surfers at any time of the day or night. We're probably a bit more relaxed about here in So Cal though. :D

[LaxMom]

As the mother of boys over 5, I would simply have the staff sweep the locker room for random naked men, then escort my boys in to help with changing. (if dads are attending the lesson, I would give them a heads-up)

 

I have no qualms about taking over a mens room, particularly when I am unlikely to be inconveniencing anyone.

[Rebecca VA]

I would *never* have wanted my son to go into our rec center's ladies' room. There are naked women walking around in there! It amazes me that those women have no modesty. And the less attractive their bodies are, the more they flaunt them. Ick. I don't even let my daughter change in there.

[JennyD]

I would *never* have wanted my son to go into our rec center's ladies' room. There are naked women walking around in there! It amazes me that those women have no modesty. And the less attractive their bodies are, the more they flaunt them. Ick. I don't even let my daughter change in there.

 

Well, it's not a beauty contest. And I've never quite understood the folks who blow dry their hair naked. But after years of competitive swimming (i.e., 25 girls and three working shower heads) you're right, I don't have much modesty left when it comes to showering and dressing in the presence of other women. And I can be in that locker room, showered, and fully dressed before most people even get their suits off. Sorry you don't like my droopy breasts and stretched-out belly, though. They used to be nicer :001_smile:

[Impish]

:grouphug: I would hope that no one bats an eye at this.

While I agree with you, I don't see this happening.

 

So many disabilities aren't readily apparent to someone at a glance. A person with Autism, for example. There are many who react first, get offended, and don't talk to the parent at all to find out if there are circumstances beyond what they see at first glance.

[Rebecca VA]

It's not just about modesty in the presence of other women. I don't want my children to be confronted with the naked bodies of non-family members, whether they be men or women.

 

Our rec center has shower curtains for each shower, but lots of women don't even bother to pull them to. Don't they know little children are staring at them? That's what icks me out.

[Farrar]

Our pools supposedly don't allow children in the opposite locker rooms after age THREE. So... don't even get me started. There's usually a family changing room... but not always and there's a couple pools I just won't go to anymore because they don't provide the same amenities in the family room as the others - no toilets, no lockers, and no way to get into the pool from there, so you still have to go through the dressing rooms. Ugh. And the worst part is the uneven enforcement. Sometimes they come and yell at you about it and other times they don't.

[laundrycrisis]

When my little boy gets too old to come into the women's room, we'll rinse off in the outdoor shower (don't most pools have one of these?) and change at home. Even if we can't rise off, a 10 minute trip in a chlorinated suit won't kill us.

 

Not at an indoor pool in the winter they don't. And I will not have my kids wearing damp clothing home when the temperature is less than 10 F.

 

Most swimming here is indoors because our climate does not allow for much outdoor swimming. Our outdoor pools are only open for two months. All swimming lessons are indoors. So access to a place to get dry and changed is essential.

[DianeW88]

Well, nudity in front of other women doesn't bother me at all. My dd is a ballet dancer, and you learn very quickly and at a very young age that you will be changing right offstage....down to your birthday suit. Sometimes in front of other male dancers (at a professional level. They try to keep it more modest when they're students...sort of). When you have 30 seconds until your next cue, trust me....it's the only thing you can do. And more often than not....someone is helping you into your costume. Usually someone of the same sex, but not always.

 

I don't parade around in a locker room naked, but I have no problem changing into a bathing suit or out of gym clothes. Of course, I went to an all girls private school with communal showers. We were REQUIRED to shower after gym class. No exceptions. Ever. And really, who cares? We're all girls, so what's the big deal about changing openly. :confused:

[Virg]

I was a competitive swimmer for ten years so I am not very modest. I really don't care about other women seeing me naked. I don't parade around but I shower naked, I do NOT want chlorine left on my skin or on my hair. If it dries on it is damaging and drying. The girls who didn't shower at the pool literally had greenish hair.

 

I have just started letting my twins change in the boys locker room by themselves in the last few months. They have to stay together. We were lucky enough to have pools in OR with family changing rooms and I haven't checked out the ones here in UT. I don't know what I would have done if that wasn't an option. I guess I would have checked with management about what they would like me to do with my boys. Honestly though my boys wouldn't have been the ones staring lol Our family is pretty open about bodies and they never have a reaction because they are used to it.

[In the Rain]

:bigear: Any update? Did you call?

[Whereneverever]

I complained, nicely, and it sounds like the boys will no longer be showering in there.

 

Thanks to everyone for the feedback!

[kolamum]

Personally, if the pools don't want mixed genders then they need to provide PLENTY of other options. I would NOT send my 7 year old boy/girl into a room alone to shower and change. They'd HAVE to go with me. If that offended someone I'd probably be pretty peeved.

 

After all, what's more important.. the child's safety or someone's feelings? That said, we've never showered after swim lessons. We've simply changed and gone home.

 

In fact we don't even use the private showers by the ocean before coming home. We use the freebie everyone can see you washing sand off yourself ones, wrap up in towels and come on home. And, so no one freaks out.. we aren't nekkid, we keep our swim gear on to rinse all that sand off. Just thought I'd clarify as some feel the need to nekkify their children at such public areas and hose them down to which I always find quite shocking. :lol:

[Heather in WI]

Since they have a stated policy that boys aren't allowed in there past a certain age, they need to enforce it. Parents who are there with boys and aren't comfortable having them in the men's locker room alone should take them home to shower and change.

 

:iagree: I have boys and would not allow allow them at 7 to change *alone* in the men's dressing room. Until they were old enough to change alone, they just came through the side door of the pool and I brought them home.

 

I can't imagine letting a 7 year old boy into the women's dressing room where other girls and adult women are changing! Eek!

[Heather in WI]

I complained, nicely, and it sounds like the boys will no longer be showering in there.

 

Thanks to everyone for the feedback!

 

Ha! I should have read all the posts before posting. :tongue_smilie:

 

Glad it was resolved. :)

[Guest Thereisa]

I had an even worse problem. Our Y was so poorly designed that the only access to the pool was through the single sex locker rooms. So how on earth was I supposed to get my autistic 7yo to his lesson? He wouldn't walk through the men's room alone because he was afraid and I'd get the stink eye if I took him through the ladies room. We ended up quitting lessons. Eventually the Y renovated and installed a separate entrance and some family changing rooms, but we're no longer members.

 

That is easy. You can walk him through with a towel over his head.

[Guest Thereisa]

Our DS1 was over seven before he could manage to get a wet swimsuit up or down by himself. He would get it rolled up around his legs and then start jumping like on a pogo stick and panicking. I could not send him into the men's without help. One time I tried. He was six. All he had to do was remove the mostly dry suit and put on a pair of sweatpants, commando. 20 minutes later I was still waiting for him to come out. He would answer me but not come out. Finally I had to ask a dad I did not know to go see what the deal was. This man was at lessons with his daughter so he was sympathetic to my problem. Our son did not want to pull down his suit and get it stuck out in the open. He was trying to climb inside a locker and shut the door from the inside so he could change in private. The dad turned his back while holding a towel across a corner of the locker room so he would finally get it done. From then on I swore to never send my sons into a changing room alone until I know they can manage the suit and figure out how to give themselves privacy. DS1 is now 8 and can handle it. DS2 is 5 and still has trouble pulling up pants and cannot manage a wet swimsuit. If he needs to pee I take him into the ladies. At our local pool the age limit is 7 so this is not a problem. At another pool where he attends a gym and swim program the age limit is five. They have four individual family changing rooms with toilets, and I will take him to those if one is available. If one is not, I will take him into the ladies and violate their policy. It's either that or he pees on the floor, which is clearly worse. At times I have also changed him into his pants in the hallway just inside the door of the ladies so not actually in the area where any females are undressed, when all of the family changing rooms were tied up and I had waited for over ten minutes with a shivering kid. Taking them home in damp suits under their clothes IMO is not an option when it is only two degrees F outside. I understand the policies but allowances must be made for mothers with sons who need adult assistance.

 

I would also not let the an age limit stop me as long as appears younger. I don't know if they had a posted age limit, but when I was a child my dad or older brother took me through the male locker room with them till I was about 8 because I looked like 5.

[Guest Thereisa]

:iagree: I have boys and would not allow allow them at 7 to change *alone* in the men's dressing room. Until they were old enough to change alone, they just came through the side door of the pool and I brought them home.

 

I can't imagine letting a 7 year old boy into the women's dressing room where other girls and adult women are changing! Eek!

 

 

Imagine how you would feel if the sexes were reversed.

[dianachoate]

I would say something to the mothers. Tell them you understand their concern for the saftey of their children. Ask if they would mind waiting until your daughter is finished since it is the ladies locker room they are using. Since their concern is child's saftey they should understand your daughter's concern for modesty too. That is what I did when my son was younger at our local YMCA. Their policy was 5 years and up boy had to use the men's locker room and I was not comfortable with sending him in alone.

 

Good luck.

[missmoe]

I haven't read all of the replies, but wanted to throw out a solution our Y has. They have created changing rooms on the pool deck. The rooms are made out of PVC pipes and curtains. Moms can stand right outside the changing room while their children change inside these rooms. I"m sure each room cost under $50 to create. This might be something to suggest since creating a family dressing room might not be feasible money wise.

[Carol in Cal.]

I agree with Ester Maria and AprilMay.

 

Also, I would say that lack of a solution for boys should not result in taking away the privacy of girls. Everyone should support a better solution for the boys, but not at the expense of the girls.

[Laura in CA]

There are some very famous New England swimmers who have been known to deck change. I'll bet it goes on anyway. A good deck changer can manage it in seconds and is almost undetectable when well done.;)

 

Well, seconds in regular clothes and suits. A Fastskin would take longer....

 

When my boys were younger (under 11 or so) they were quite quick at changing behind a towel; that saved them having to go into the grimy men's locker room at the local tennis club. I didn't think it was a big deal. Of course, I lived in Europe for many years and saw men changing (lickety-split) outside the changing rooms; of course one didn't stare, and they were very fast.

 

Naturally, I don't think my sons would want to change under a towel now that they're teenagers :001_smile: ... in fact my son who's at public school and in Civil Air Patrol (kind of like JROTC) says that the boys in public school and at CAP camps take showers wearing their swim trunks or PT shorts! That kind of modesty among teenage boys floored me. In a way it's kind of sweet, or maybe it's the world we live in now ... I took showers in communal shower rooms all through junior and senior high PE class, and even in college dorms and graduate school gyms (Ivy League). You just averted your gaze (not hard, b/c I'm blind w/o my glasses) and, if you could, chose low-traffic times to shower.

 

Sorry, I'm rambling ... I agree with Carol that girls should not have their privacy invaded upon in the girls' locker room! :glare: I was appalled to walk into our small-town library's women's restroom and find a boy who was at least 10 or 11. Sheesh! But when I complained about it to a hs'ing friend, she said she takes her boy into the women's room. Sorry, that's too old. Just stand outside the men's room if you are that worried ... I really felt annoyed seeing such a big boy in the women's room ... OK, at a Raiders game, maybe, but not in our small town ...

[lea1]

The pool where my two 5.5 year olds take swim lessons allows boys in the girls locker room until they turn 6. Last week when the boys and I went in to the girls locker room, a nekkid lady was changing out in the open. She quickly covered her nekkidness and said "oh! I was not expecting boys to be in the girls locker room". I replied that they are within the allowed age and quickly ushered them into a changing stall. There are 4 changing stalls with curtains and 3 or 4 shower stalls with curtains, in addition to 3 bathroom stalls with doors.

 

I saw the lady again after lessons were over and I apologized for surprising her with boys in the girls locker room, even though I was not doing anything against the rules by having them in there. She apologized too and said she was actually OK with it but didn't know how mom's felt about their boys seeing a nekkid lady. I am of the camp that would rather that not happen at this point. We have been going there for a year and a half now and this was the first time this has happened. Most of the time we are there, we only see very young children changing in the girls dressing room.

 

My sons would actually be embarrassed to change in front of others and we have so far (since their development of modesty) always been able to change in one of the dressing rooms.

 

After boys turn 6 they MUST go in and out to the pool via the boys locker room, even though they have another door that allows access to the pool without going through the locker rooms and they also have a few family changing rooms, although they are in high demand.

 

My sons turn 6 in September and November. I'm thinking we may be finished with swim lessons at that time but I will talk to pool management before making a final decision. I won't take them into the girls changing room after they turn 6 but I also will not let them be alone in the boys locker room.

[Saujana]

I agree with Ester Maria and AprilMay.

 

Also, I would say that lack of a solution for boys should not result in taking away the privacy of girls. Everyone should support a better solution for the boys, but not at the expense of the girls.

 

Well said. :iagree: