athena1277 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I keep hearing friends and family members lament that they have to go back to work after the holidays, leaving their dc in daycare again. I totally understand that in some cases it is not possible for mom to stay home, either because there is no dh or dh does not make enough to properly feed/clothe/house everyone. For these people it is not the case at all. If they bought a slightly smaller home and drove a slightly older car, it would be no problem at all. They don't HAVE to go to work. They have made work (and having stuff) a higher priority than their kids. If anyone has a tactful way to say something, I'd love to hear it. Even if they won't listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Oh, I usually just say it with a wink. Then they either stop complaining or start babbling about all the reasons why they couldn't possibly. Either way, it ends the whining. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorMama Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Yes, I want to say that sometimes. Especially when those people also tell me I'm 'so lucky' to be able to stay home with my kids. Sure, I'm lucky. We've also sacrificed a LOT to make it happen. It's not like I have a fairy godmother or something. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) Yes. But I usually don't. Although, on Christmas Eve, my stay-at-home cousin was complaining about the abysmal quality of her local high school and the exorbitant costs of the local private high schools, and I did mention that she did have the option to homeschool. She actually said, "I guess you're right." But then went on to explain how her ds would miss all the sports. (He has been active in baseball and football for many years.) Edited January 6, 2011 by thescrappyhomeschooler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Yes, I want to say that sometimes. Especially when those people also tell me I'm 'so lucky' to be able to stay home with my kids. Sure, I'm lucky. We've also sacrificed a LOT to make it happen. It's not like I have a fairy godmother or something. :tongue_smilie: Yup, totally this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 No, not anymore. I guess I used to. I no longer think that the at home and work outside the home "choice" is as cut and dried as I used to. I also don't think that having mom at home is the automatic preferred, best default option. I also don't think that someone who *has* to work outside the home is somehow excused but those who seemingly choose to work outside the home less attached, less noble, less into their kids. Nope. I take that type of complaining to be part of being human; there are aspects of our lives, even chosen components, that we sometimes complain about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Well I complain about being home and homeschooling sometimes so I guess someone could say that to me. :D I think some people just like to complain. :iagree: I like to complain/vent/whine sometimes. I can't begrudge other people for doing the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 It never occurs to me to say that. Don't you know everyone has a story? That woman might work to sock money away for her future because her husband is unreliable or the future of his job is uncertain. She might make more than her husband does, and be responsible for the mortgage or rent. This is assuming she has a husband at all or that her husband is an equal partner in responsibility and decision-maker. She might really believe that the daycare offers her child something that she thinks he needs. She might simply be a better Mommy if she isn't the primary caregiver all day, every day. That doesn't mean she doesn't love her child or doesn't miss him when he's gone. Whatever. Not my business. If someone says to me, "How do you cut corners financially to be able to homeschool?" I can answer that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorMama Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 No, not anymore. I guess I used to. I no longer think that the at home and work outside the home "choice" is as cut and dried as I used to. I also don't think that having mom at home is the automatic preferred, best default option. I also don't think that someone who *has* to work outside the home is somehow excused but those who seemingly choose to work outside the home less attached, less noble, less into their kids. Nope. I take that type of complaining to be part of being human; there are aspects of our lives, even chosen components, that we sometimes complain about. That's true. I do my fair share of complaining about chasing small children and not getting to talk to another adult all day long. ;) It's more the attitude of victimization some people have about 'having' to work when I don't, when I know full well that even if one of the two working parents quit their job they would still make more than double what we do. :eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Actually, I usually hear people saying they can't wait to send their kids school/day care again. Most moms I know who work outside the home send their kids to day care even if they have the day off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 It's more the attitude of victimization some people have about 'having' to work when I don't I understand exactly what you are saying, as I have a relative like this. Unlike many women out there for whom there are no alternatives, she is in control of her choices and merely uses this as a tactic to make her husband feel like "zero" for not being able to give her everything that she desires on his income alone. She resents people who live on one income yet would never relinquish that control nor would she want to be home with her children on a consistent basis. It does manage to garner her all of the attention though at work and at home, which is of course her goal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacie Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Actually, I usually hear people saying they can't wait to send their kids school/day care again. Most moms I know who work outside the home send their kids to day care even if they have the day off. This is by far what I hear most of. In fact, some local friends (all stay-at-home moms) had a long ladies spa day yesterday to celebrate the kids' return to school. :confused: I was invited but opted not to go, of course! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamamaloca Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 No, not anymore. I guess I used to. I no longer think that the at home and work outside the home "choice" is as cut and dried as I used to. I also don't think that having mom at home is the automatic preferred, best default option. I also don't think that someone who *has* to work outside the home is somehow excused but those who seemingly choose to work outside the home less attached, less noble, less into their kids. Nope. I take that type of complaining to be part of being human; there are aspects of our lives, even chosen components, that we sometimes complain about. :iagree: Someone can very much dislike one part of their lifestyle or a choice they've made, while that choice is still the best choice for their family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 It's more the attitude of victimization some people have about 'having' to work when I don't, when I know full well that even if one of the two working parents quit their job they would still make more than double what we do. :eek: These are the people I am talking about. They make me crazy because with a small sacrifice, they have so much non-material stuff, like more memories of time with their dc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Yes. But I usually don't. Although, on Christmas Eve, my stay-at-home cousin was complaining about the abysmal quality of her local high school and the exorbitant costs of the local private high schools, and I did mention that she did have the option to homeschool. She actually said, "I guess you're right." But then went on to explain how her ds would miss all the sports. (He has been active in baseball and football for many years.) I think this a legitimate concern for some parents. Sports, specifically high school sports was the carrot my parents dangled to keep my brother invested in his education and out of trouble. He was very talented athletically, and it's what got him through not only high school, but college on a full scholarship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Actually, I usually hear people saying they can't wait to send their kids school/day care again. Most moms I know who work outside the home send their kids to day care even if they have the day off. Right. If you work full-time, you rarely get time off to take care of all the stuff you need to do. When you have a full-time job, a lot of stuff needs to get done in that one day off. It is more efficient to do so without dc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 That reminds me of the time I was complaining about how tired the baby makes me. My son said, "I guess you should have read the fine print before you ordered her." There is a price to be paid for every choice we make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 That reminds me of the time I was complaining about how tired the baby makes me. My son said, "I guess you should have read the fine print before you ordered her." There is a price to be paid for every choice we make. Excellent. I'm going to find a way to use it soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 To close friends that complain about having to work, that I know for sure dont..I always tell them they dont have to, they choose to. We sacrifice a TON to do what we do, and I get tired of them complaining they need to work, blowing all their money on useless stuff and eating out, and then complaining they are broke. Get over it and if you want to stay at home....sacrifice, make it happen, or shut up :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 That reminds me of the time I was complaining about how tired the baby makes me. My son said, "I guess you should have read the fine print before you ordered her." :lol: Love it! I've come to understand that life isn't so cut and dry. I have friends who complain a lot about how hard life is with x number of kids. Adding a fourth child to my load has been really difficult but I try to remember that I chose to have her and not complain about it. Actually, I used to be a big complainer and have reduced that a lot over the years. I realized how much I've changed recently. It always surprises me how much some people think I'm supermom and have it altogether. I really don't have it altogether and I am NOT supermom; I just don't complain that much and share successes instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendylee Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I keep hearing friends and family members lament that they have to go back to work after the holidays, leaving their dc in daycare again. I totally understand that in some cases it is not possible for mom to stay home, either because there is no dh or dh does not make enough to properly feed/clothe/house everyone. For these people it is not the case at all. If they bought a slightly smaller home and drove a slightly older car, it would be no problem at all. They don't HAVE to go to work. They have made work (and having stuff) a higher priority than their kids. If anyone has a tactful way to say something, I'd love to hear it. Even if they won't listen. I don't think there's any "tactful" way to say something about other people's choices that they have made for their lives that are obviously THEIR choices for THEIR kids, especially since we have also made OUR choices for OUR kids, and it's THEIR choice if they want to have a certain size of house or or go to work. I find this kind of thought process utterly unappealing and somewhat judgmental. Just because someone works outside the home doesn't mean they are less of a parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 No. I'm not much of a complainer, but I personally would like to reserve the right to whine about the occasional miserable day with the kids without having my choices thrown back in my face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LND1218 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I have a relative like this - she complains about it all the time. She was complaining about having to pay for day care one day, and I asked her once if she had to work - may be with what you would save in day care costs and other expenses related to work - you could stay home. And she actually said - well I have to work if want the cars, house, the boat and the trips, but it just bugs me to pay so much for day care. Really? You will work to pay more in a car payment than child care. You don't complain about the cost of the car just the cost of the person who takes care of your children. :tongue_smilie: She went on to say well it seems like all my friends have a relative who does it for free. I think my mom should retire so she can watch them and we wouldn't have to pay for child care. :001_huh: Really you should work and get all the fun stuff and your mom should give up her job and stay home and take care of your kids for FREE! She drives me crazy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Right. If you work full-time, you rarely get time off to take care of all the stuff you need to do. When you have a full-time job, a lot of stuff needs to get done in that one day off. It is more efficient to do so without dc. :chillpill: I'm fully aware of what it's like to work full time and have kids. I used to do it. I'm talking about the moms who tell me they are dropping their kid(s) off at day care even though they have a day off because they paid for the day care. By golly if they have paid for that day then the kids are going. The mom that said this most recently to me, then said that she didn't know what she was going to do on her day off. To me when you say that your dc is going to spend the day in day care because you paid for it, tells me that you value your money that you spent more than time with your child. Do all moms need a break? Yep. Do we all need days to just sit and veg? Yep. But when I see a mom who does nothing but complain about her child, is always talking about that child being with a sitter or day care, and tells me that she hates school vacation because she can't stand to by around her kids, I do have to look at her perplexed. I actually wish at times that I had a sitter or day care for my kids. I totally understand how nice it is to be able to go to the Dr. or dentist or salon or grocery shopping without kids. I'm not talking about those circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 If anyone has a tactful way to say something, I'd love to hear it. Even if they won't listen. Why would you want to say something to her "even if she won't listen"?? Would you want someone "saying something" to you about staying home with your kids? Would you want someone saying something to you about homeschooling? :001_huh: IMO, it is rude to make comments about someone else's life that shows such judgment. How would WE take that if someone were trying to "show us the error of our ways" re: SAHM or homeschooling?! We would be b*tching about it on this or other message boards before they could say, "see! I was RIGHT!" She was likely just letting off steam. Just like WE do. Let it roll off of your back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I find this kind of thought process utterly unappealing and somewhat judgmental. Just because someone works outside the home doesn't mean they are less of a parent. Adding to this: just because a parent *has* to work outside the home, it doesn't make them a better parent than the one that *chooses* to work outside the home. These threads are fairly predictable, including the "well, I'd understand if they HAD to work outside the home........" as if that automatically makes it "ok" and that being at home is the default best choice. I no longer drink that kool aid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 No. I'm not much of a complainer, but I personally would like to reserve the right to whine about the occasional miserable day with the kids without having my choices thrown back in my face. :iagree: No, some people don't have the choice. Not at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Yes, I want to say that sometimes. Especially when those people also tell me I'm 'so lucky' to be able to stay home with my kids. Sure, I'm lucky. We've also sacrificed a LOT to make it happen. It's not like I have a fairy godmother or something. :tongue_smilie: :iagree: Actually, I usually hear people saying they can't wait to send their kids school/day care again. Sadly true here too. THe school year is about to start in Aus and most parents I know who don't homeschool are soexcited to be sending their dc back. Actually, I used to be a big complainer and have reduced that a lot over the years. I realized how much I've changed recently. It always surprises me how much some people think I'm supermom and have it altogether. I really don't have it altogether and I am NOT supermom; I just don't complain that much and share successes instead. Same here. Complaining doesn't actually make me feel any better so I don't bother. OP I don't think there's really a tactful way to say that kind of thing. If they are close friends though it's ok not to be tactful :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Do you ever want to yell "You have a choice"? No. For the most part, I assume that mentally and emotionally stable people are making the choices that are right for their families. Because of the high rate of wife and child beating, substance abuse, and poverty in my community, I made a promise to my pre-adolescent self that I would strive for financial self-sufficiency and healthy relationships as an adult. I vowed to not depend financially on a man. For years, I truly did have to work to provide basic necessities for household. However, when times were better so that we COULD have lived on one income, I continued working, even if only a few weeks a year on occasional projects, just to remain current in my profession. I needed the security of knowing I could return to work full time if circumstances required. I'm sure over the years I probably said what your friend did without fully explaining my reasons behind the statement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Well, one of the parents of the girls in DD's dance class made a big deal last year over her DD not getting into the "right" kindergarten on the school choice (mom had missed the deadline to request a transfer, and expected the giant school district bureaucracy to budge for her 5 yr old). She lamented how she had NO options, how she could never afford private school, and so on. I finally pointed out that she could always homeschool-after all, she'd BEEN a SAHM for 5 years with her DD, and still had a younger child at home. Her response was "Oh, I could never do that". But, this fall, when dance started again, they were homeschooling. They're doing the Abeka, put the DVD in and let it teach for you curriculum, so it's not the kind of homeschooling I do, but hey, at least she finally looked into the options. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Someone can very much dislike one part of their lifestyle or a choice they've made, while that choice is still the best choice for their family. Right. If you work full-time, you rarely get time off to take care of all the stuff you need to do. When you have a full-time job, a lot of stuff needs to get done in that one day off. It is more efficient to do so without dc. I don't think there's any "tactful" way to say something about other people's choices that they have made for their lives that are obviously THEIR choices for THEIR kids, especially since we have also made OUR choices for OUR kids, and it's THEIR choice if they want to have a certain size of house or or go to work. I find this kind of thought process utterly unappealing and somewhat judgmental. Just because someone works outside the home doesn't mean they are less of a parent. No. I'm not much of a complainer, but I personally would like to reserve the right to whine about the occasional miserable day with the kids without having my choices thrown back in my face. Why would you want to say something to her "even if she won't listen"?? Would you want someone "saying something" to you about staying home with your kids? Would you want someone saying something to you about homeschooling? :001_huh: IMO, it is rude to make comments about someone else's life that shows such judgment. How would WE take that if someone were trying to "show us the error of our ways" re: SAHM or homeschooling?! We would be b*tching about it on this or other message boards before they could say, "see! I was RIGHT!" She was likely just letting off steam. Just like WE do. Let it roll off of your back. :iagree: I think I'm going to need to get off the boards today *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaver_67579 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I have both worked when dd#1 was little and stay home now. There are benefits and problems with both choices. It is not usually as cut and dried as folks like to think and as much as we think we know-ususally we don't know the true status of other's finances. I think you can be a great parent and work outside the home and be a lousy one that stays home. Personally, the transition to staying home was very difficult for me. I loved working and what I did. It was years till I could honestly say I loved staying home. I will not stick my nose into the choice of someone to work as long as they don't stick there's into my decision to stay home. The assumption that the vast majority of ladies work to finance a high falutin lifestyle or that they are poor parents because of it (or that parents that stay home are automatically better all around) kind of irritates me in fact. BTW I was raised by a single mother who worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs to keep us off of welfare. I worked until college loans for both DH and I were paid off. We never owned a fancy house or remotely new cars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) But when I see a mom who does nothing but complain about her child, is always talking about that child being with a sitter or day care, and tells me that she hates school vacation because she can't stand to by around her kids, I do have to look at her perplexed. I actually wish at times that I had a sitter or day care for my kids. I totally understand how nice it is to be able to go to the Dr. or dentist or salon or grocery shopping without kids. I'm not talking about those circumstances. To each their own. Are their children being *harmed* by staying in daycare occasionally when mom is off? Most aren't. I have wondered in the past why certain people have children. I wonder if they complain because they are complainers, or is motherhood really not their thing. Sometimes I think people complain simply because they think they are supposed to! I have a confession to make, though. I complained alot about my 12yo and how I wanted to ship him off to school. Finally, I did. It's only been 4 days, but we are *both* much happier for it. Maybe this is the honeymoon period and things will go sour soon. However, at this point, I think even if I won the lottery tomorrow and finances were no longer a concern, he would stay in school. Maybe a really good private school, but a school nonetheless. I have been known to say, "Now I know why some animals eat their young!" I actually first said this to my 17yo when he was 12 or so.:tongue_smilie: I will also admit that I argued with another mom years ago about her dc having their needs met in daycare. I was horrified! How could a mother say such a thing? Why would a mother have someone else raise their dc if they didn't *have* to work?!?!:blush: What a moron I was. Who am I to stand back and pass judgment on someone else? Guess what? My 2yo will be better served in daycare than he is at home with me. Yes, I really believe that. I mean a *good* daycare, not just a place to stash them with a low-wage worker. The montessori school my 4yo goes to has a spot for him in their 2yo class and I am trying to figure out a way to make that happen. I know my limitations and make decisions on what is best for my dc. I'll assume the same for everyone else aside from evidence of absolute neglect or abuse. Edited January 6, 2011 by Renee in FL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeytolily Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I find that people assume that my DH makes a ton of money because I can stay home with our kids. It does bother me when people say something like "gosh, you're so lucky you can afford to stay home" or "gosh, I would love to adopt (we've adopted 3 times, soon working on #4), but we just can't afford it. Your husband must make alot of money". What they choose to spend their money on is certainly none of my business, or whether they "have" to work or do it just because they want to. These comments bother me because DH and I are so clearly not well-off - we live quite frugally. For once, I'd like to have someone appreciate that no, we don't have a ton of money, but I work hard at home, cutting costs to live the way we do, and save money to add to our family. Luck, and/or being wealthy doesn't have anything to do with it (but I guess I would say I'm blessed). Veronica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I always say my children need their mom more than $100 shoes! That usually gets my point across. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Why would you want to say something to her "even if she won't listen"?? Would you want someone "saying something" to you about staying home with your kids? Would you want someone saying something to you about homeschooling? :001_huh: IMO, it is rude to make comments about someone else's life that shows such judgment. How would WE take that if someone were trying to "show us the error of our ways" re: SAHM or homeschooling?! We would be b*tching about it on this or other message boards before they could say, "see! I was RIGHT!" She was likely just letting off steam. Just like WE do. Let it roll off of your back. ITA. Really, I should be able to talk through a problem I have with one of my kids without her saying, "why are you doing this to yourself? You have a choice! Just put them in school!" My friends don't do that to me, why would I do it to them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in GA Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 It's more the attitude of victimization some people have about 'having' to work when I don't, when I know full well that even if one of the two working parents quit their job they would still make more than double what we do. :eek: :iagree: Yes. What makes me mad is when I hear (often) about "the few, rare people who are wealthy enough and lucky enough to be home with their kids." WTF? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Back when I was an employed mom, it used to bug the heck out of me when self-righteous SAHM's would go on and on about the "sacrifices" they were making so they could stay home that were the exact same things I was doing but I *STILL* had to hold full-time employment. Renting a modest apartment? Check. Sharing one older-model economy vehicle? Check. Shopping at thrift stores and wearing hand-me-downs? Check. Vacations only at relatives' homes? Check. No cable/satellite and dropping the landline? Check. Cooking at home and brown-bagging it? Check. Nobody ever mentioned doing something radical like deciding to "homestead" where I could honestly say, "Nope, I'm not willing to change my lifestyle that much." With the insanely high cost of basics these days, there are lots of moms who are holding down full-time employment not to pay for luxuries but to just keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. And those of us who are fortunate enough to be full-time homemakers need to drop the sanctimonious assumptions :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Back when I was an employed mom, it used to bug the heck out of me when self-righteous SAHM's would go on and on about the "sacrifices" they were making so they could stay home that were the exact same things I was doing but I *STILL* had to hold full-time employment. Renting a modest apartment? Check. Sharing one older-model economy vehicle? Check. Shopping at thrift stores and wearing hand-me-downs? Check. Vacations only at relatives' homes? Check. No cable/satellite and dropping the landline? Check. Cooking at home and brown-bagging it? Check. Nobody ever mentioned doing something radical like deciding to "homestead" where I could honestly say, "Nope, I'm not willing to change my lifestyle that much." With the insanely high cost of basics these days, there are lots of moms who are holding down full-time employment not to pay for luxuries but to just keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. And those of us who are fortunate enough to be full-time homemakers need to drop the sanctimonious assumptions :glare: :hurray: Please remember that what you see is not always the reality of the situation at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 No, not anymore. I guess I used to. I no longer think that the at home and work outside the home "choice" is as cut and dried as I used to. I also don't think that having mom at home is the automatic preferred, best default option. I also don't think that someone who *has* to work outside the home is somehow excused but those who seemingly choose to work outside the home less attached, less noble, less into their kids. Nope. I take that type of complaining to be part of being human; there are aspects of our lives, even chosen components, that we sometimes complain about. Thank you. As a working mom who also homeschools, I so appreciate your support. Honestly. Between this thread and the "snow days" thread, I'm really feeling like you are all looking at me like I"m some greedy, narcissistic poser of a mom. :confused: astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Fair enough. That is, if you happen to know for a fact that the person you're talking to does, in fact, buy $100 shoes. It might just be that HER kids' mom needs her $100 meds, and so has to work. I"m just sayin'. astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I keep hearing friends and family members lament that they have to go back to work after the holidays, leaving their dc in daycare again. I totally understand that in some cases it is not possible for mom to stay home, either because there is no dh or dh does not make enough to properly feed/clothe/house everyone. For these people it is not the case at all. If they bought a slightly smaller home and drove a slightly older car, it would be no problem at all. They don't HAVE to go to work. They have made work (and having stuff) a higher priority than their kids. If anyone has a tactful way to say something, I'd love to hear it. Even if they won't listen. I have no tactful way to say something, but this is definitely my brother and sister and law. Their whole life style drives me crazy and their kids definitely suffer for it. The have a teenager that needs 24-7 guidance right now and they aren't stepping up to the plate to do it. Being home with kids is a sacrifice and a life style choice. We aren't getting ever corner of our house finished, getting weekly manicures, or getting cable TV. We lead a very comfortable life style luckily but our money is spent on educational travel, books, music lessons, circus classes, science enrichment, theater and the arts, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 And those of us who are fortunate enough to be full-time homemakers need to drop the sanctimonious assumptions :glare: Yes. Thank you. astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Sounds to me like the OP is talking about a specific type of person - one who chooses to work and yet complains constantly. I don't think she's dissing parents who have to work or those who choose to but don't complain. I know that first type. Yeah, they're annoying. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I just wanted to say since I just commented without reading replies, I respect and have many close friends that are working mothers. I know more homeschooling families where both families are working. I have worked since my kids are born on some contract jobs. If my husband lost his job tomorrow, I way may become a working parent again and may or may not be able to continue homeschooling. And given the economy, it's not a stretch. My oldest went to 2 years of PS, so I'm not even anti school. I have a problem with a particular family member that has their 2 very young kids (1 infant/1 toddler) in a more than full time marginal quality day care and their 15 year old has been latch key as long as I can remember. Now the 15 year old is failing school, literally got arrested last month, and has decided rules aren't for him (because he's never had any). My parents and I have been watching this time bomb tick for years and now it's blowing up in their face. They got sucked into the "we need the biggest possible mortgage/house we can get" trap, even though my dad used to be a mortgage broker and recommended they go much smaller. This particular family member also has no problem dumping their children at our house or my parents for 12 hours (or overnight) if things get rough for them. So, I'm very much thinking about someone in particular when I comment. They are the only 2 parent working family I know that I feel I can comment on their life style choices affecting their parenting skills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMary2 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Sounds to me like the OP is talking about a specific type of person - one who chooses to work and yet complains constantly. I don't think she's dissing parents who have to work or those who choose to but don't complain. I know that first type. Yeah, they're annoying. :glare: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I keep hearing friends and family members lament that they have to go back to work after the holidays, leaving their dc in daycare again. I totally understand that in some cases it is not possible for mom to stay home, either because there is no dh or dh does not make enough to properly feed/clothe/house everyone. For these people it is not the case at all. If they bought a slightly smaller home and drove a slightly older car, it would be no problem at all. They don't HAVE to go to work. They have made work (and having stuff) a higher priority than their kids. If anyone has a tactful way to say something, I'd love to hear it. Even if they won't listen. I think the most tactful response would be none at all. It isn't up to me to tell other people how to manage their homes and families. If I don't agree, I'll just change the subject or smile and walk away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 No, not anymore. I guess I used to. I no longer think that the at home and work outside the home "choice" is as cut and dried as I used to. I also don't think that having mom at home is the automatic preferred, best default option. I also don't think that someone who *has* to work outside the home is somehow excused but those who seemingly choose to work outside the home less attached, less noble, less into their kids. Nope. I take that type of complaining to be part of being human; there are aspects of our lives, even chosen components, that we sometimes complain about. :iagree:, especially with the bolded portion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorMama Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Sounds to me like the OP is talking about a specific type of person - one who chooses to work and yet complains constantly. I don't think she's dissing parents who have to work or those who choose to but don't complain. I know that first type. Yeah, they're annoying. :glare: :iagree: I don't think the OP was being malicious or judging people's choices...just venting about hearing people complain. People have been very sensitive around here these past few days and taking things very personally. I think we should all just :chillpill: :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Fair enough. That is, if you happen to know for a fact that the person you're talking to does, in fact, buy $100 shoes. It might just be that HER kids' mom needs her $100 meds, and so has to work. I"m just sayin'. astrid The one friend I have that does that works so her children can have everything they want so they will leave her alone. It's sad really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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