Friends who get "more" at Christmas

[Melissa in FL]

Well, her parents got her an ipod Touch for Christmas. My older DD is 7 and is very influenced by what her friends have.

 

So now I'm dreading the "I want an ipod Touch" conversation. We can't afford it and even if we could I wouldn't pony up $200 for any gift right now. She's a kid and can be rough on her toys.

 

 

I could have written this post last year. But the girls were just 9 and we could have bought one for dd if we had chosen too. It wasn't about the money it was about the whole "I want" and age appropriate. I had to have the conversation and I told her she hadn't asked for it and wouldn't have gotten it even if she had asked. I told her I really thought 9 was WAY too young for something that pricey (we have DS's but are very strict with them). I told her I didn't even think her 14 yr brother would have gotten one if he asked.

 

Well, neighbor child did really well with it all year until two weeks ago. She has a bad habit of taking it outside and putting it on car bumpers. She's done this at my house tons of times over the past year and I always move it and shake my head. Well, her mom didn't see it and ran over it a couple of weeks ago. Never fear, the child has a new overly expensive toy to play with this Christmas. This year it's an electric razor that you sit on and ride. Nope, you won't be seeing that anytime soon at my house. I already had the conversation about when we play outside it is partly for exercise. The neighbor child was over here before noon yesterday bragging about the new toy.

 

It is so about the attitude. My kids get a ton for Christmas but if you hear them talk about it to other people they are very humble. They will usually only mention their favorite one or two things and it is often games that we use as a family. Neighbor child comes and brags about her newest thing and my dd always listens and is really happy for her but when dd tries to share what she was happy to get Neighbor child tends to turn it into a negative no matter what it is.

 

You should know it's not about what they got it's about the child themself. Your neighbor child would be like this no matter how much you had spent on your dd or what she had gotten. Some kids just really need to "one up" the other kids. Talk to your dd about being thankful and your families values, she will get it. It's taken a lot of talking but now my dd will look at me and comment on the behavior.

Melissa

[Joyofsixreboot]

I graduated and all I got was this stinkin' watch." Sorry, just thinking up t-shirts my dh could have printed :D.

 

I graduated and go, um, well....obviously I come from a long line of non gifting people, LOL.

[Lolly]

This is an honest question, not meant to be sarcastic. If you choose to spend "thousands" on your children for Christmas and maybe their birthday, what is left for big events, such as graduation?

 

I ask because the mom I know who spends $1,000 per child is also having her mom get her kids laptops (the kids are 6 and 8). What will they receive when they graduate, a house?

 

Usually a new car for graduation.

 

See, I really don't see this as a "haves" and "have nots" thing. My kids get a lot of stuff. Nice stuff. But, some kids just want more. If they get the laptop, they want an egg chair to go with it. If they get the egg chair, they want a new tv for their room to go with it. It really is personality, not a matter of what physical items are in their possession.

[iquilt]

There will always be people with "more" than you. If you spend your life comparing yourself to others you will always be upset.

 

Fwiw, my children all received an iPod touch for Christmas and we are not using them to make up for not spending time with them or to turn them into spoiled brats.

[CAMom]

A baby toy?? Tell her that my almost 18 year old dd wanted one for Christmas! She loves the penguin one. :)

 

My 14yo dd also wanted (and got) the penguin pillow pet for Christmas. She is a very mature girl, too. Unfortunately for me, she won't even let me touch it!;)

[WagsWife]

You just tell her that my dd9 and her friends all got pillow pets....and they love them!!!!! ;) Her 11yr old girl friend got one 2 and they are very happy!!!!

 

:iagree:

 

Yep...tell her that my 10 yr old daughter wanted a pillow pet in a *major way.

[shinyhappypeople]

Or heck, maybe they will give an extremely large cash gift or house. If they have the money and choose to do so, it really shouldn't be cause to judge them. But then again, that is what this thread is about, isn't it? Just one of those things that makes me go hmm...

 

You've misunderstood my intent in starting this thread. I'm not judging anyone. I'm trying to work through how to raise a non-materialistic kid in a very materialistic neighborhood and extended family.

 

How can I raise my daughter differently than our neighbors and family members without screwing her up for life and breeding resentment in her heart??? I've appreciated the many helpful comments and bits of advice about that in this thread.

 

Like I said before, I like the neighbor girl and her parents. And, for the record, she wasn't bragging about the ipod, she was just excited and happy to show it to DD.

 

My 10dd got two, and now her older sister wants one. Those things are seriously soft and cuddly.

 

 

Yes, some of my 10dd's friends are starting to look down on dolls and stuffed animals. They think they are "childish." I told my dd that her great-grandma still has stuffed animals. It isn't something you necessarily outgrow, and one shouldn't be in a rush to not be a child. You only get one childhood.

 

 

Yep...tell her that my 10 yr old daughter wanted a pillow pet in a *major way.

 

:D I will *totally* tell her this. I did find the commercial online and paused it at the spot where two teenagers were playing with one. That helped.

[WagsWife]

I know I would be the same way if only I had the bank account to back it up. I just sincerely love seeing that look of excitement & pure joy on my children's faces. As it is I (if I'm honest with myself) spent more than we could really afford on their gifts for just that reason.

 

This is how I feel. I our kids have nothing to complain about when it comes to material possessions...and they don't! They have always had some kind of Nintendo console as well as a new handheld Nintendo every couple of years. They each have a laptop for school, cell phones, most of the desired toys...etc.

 

There are times when I hear what other people are buying their kids that I am like :confused: Dh works with a guy who bought his 9 year old dd an ipad?? I know 9 and 10 year olds with iphones.

 

I can't fathom it, and my first instinct is to think it is crazy...but then I think about how much I like to get my kids the things I know they would like to have. They are perhaps spoiled with some of their material things...but they are the furthest thing from spoiled in attitude. They are always so thankful and appreciative. So, then I have to admit to myself that if we had the money...I may very well buy an ipad for my 10 year old if I thought she would love it, and have a use for it.

[2_girls_mommy]

How screwed up is our culture that a 7 yo feels ashamed of playing with a stuffed animal?

 

 

I have an 8.5 yr old and a 6.5 yr old who LOVE their new pillow pets. They would love to have another 7 yr old hs girl come play dolls and stuffed animals with them. Tell her if she lived near here, they would have her over for a doll play date, complete with pillow pets!!!

[justamouse]

This is an honest question, not meant to be sarcastic. If you choose to spend "thousands" on your children for Christmas and maybe their birthday, what is left for big events, such as graduation?

 

I ask because the mom I know who spends $1,000 per child is also having her mom get her kids laptops (the kids are 6 and 8). What will they receive when they graduate, a house?

 

 

So what if they do? That still happens, you know. I, for one, would love to bless my children with such a thing. It's also a familial tradition in some families and cultures. And the families that I see do that are amazingly close and not 'materialistic'.

[regentrude]

This is an honest question, not meant to be sarcastic. If you choose to spend "thousands" on your children for Christmas and maybe their birthday, what is left for big events, such as graduation?

 

 

A diploma? Tuition for the subsequent college education?

btw, I don't get it that graduation needs a fancy gift. And that it MUST be bigger than Christmas. (But then, I don't believe in 20k weddings either)

 

But there are plenty of "big" gifts: a trip, for instance.

[regentrude]

I'm trying to work through how to raise a non-materialistic kid in a very materialistic neighborhood and extended family.

How can I raise my daughter differently than our neighbors and family members without screwing her up for life and breeding resentment in her heart???

 

By reinforcing your values. Over and over and over again.

One can do many things different than "the neighbors". In our family, we choose to focus our spending on experiences and education rather than on "stuff". We explain the reasons for these choices to our kids. They do not have some things they see other kids get - OTOH, they have/do stuff the others don't. We model the same behavior for them.

I am convinced that parents are by far the greater influence than extended family and neighborhood.

[Murphy101]

A diploma? Tuition for the subsequent college education?.

 

Well I don't know if my kids deserve a gift at high school graduation. Verdict still out on that.

 

But I tell you what *I* sure as heck will! And I wanna a BIG one.:D

 

 

 

 

Tho I have a feeling just seeing them do well will be enough to satisfy me.;)

[Angjune]

I think the difference probably comes down to those children that truly appreciate those more expensive gifts, and those that simply feel entitled to them. My daughter has friends that when their DS or camera break (from them not taking care of it), the item will simply be replaced. It doesn't bother her when they receive whatever they want, but that they think they deserve it. Her one friend will toss her music CD's on the floor (where they can scratch or break) whereas my daughter will always carefully put her things away so they can't be broken. I never had to tell her to do this, she just knows her things will not be replaced so easily.

 

The unfortunate thing is that many of these popular electronic toys/phones, etc. are expensive and its hard to sometimes equate them being used for a child when often we parents don't have these things for ourselves.

[Peela]

I am so glad my kids are older now and earn money themselves..this year has been our leanest Christmas for years and we warned them the pickings would be light. Dh bought me a new camera, and dd16, who used my camera a lot and kind of trashed it, got my old one for keeps (she has a good one- this is her one for camps etc). That was actually her suggestion. Ds15 got his computer fixed and his dad paid- normally ds would have to. His dad is also paying for his skate board/long board to be fixed.

 

However...we do not save up presents for Christmas, generally speaking. Ever since the kids were twinkles in our eyes, we have shopped the 2nd hand market, and it has been a weekly Sunday morning ritual for us to go to "swap meet" nearby- a car boot 2nd hand market, like a giant garage sale. Also, we buy most electronics 2nd hand or on sale too. So, the kids are always getting stuff...designer labels, books, clothes, toys, electronics...for very cheap prices.

 

However, at 7 I must admit we didn't have ipod touch or mobile phone issues. They did have friends with phones but our deal was that they had to have an income before they got one. I think its hard for us parents more than anything, when the kid wants something- some kids have a lot of wanting in them. However, my kid who is the big wanter, also has an amazing ability to manifest what he wants one way or another. Whenever he gets obsessed about wanting something, somehow he makes it hpapen. So I have learned to say "I wont be getting that for you but lets see what happens now that you want it" and usually someone gives him money, his dad changes his mind, or he earns enough money.

 

I think a kid who wants a lot should be encouraged to earn their own money- perhaps entrepreneurial business- even at a young age. It empowers them to realise the value of money, and to see their savings accumulate. I know 7 is young but I am pretty sure that a kid who really wants material stuff, often has strong motivation.

[Crimson Wife]

But, some kids just want more. If they get the laptop, they want an egg chair to go with it. If they get the egg chair, they want a new tv for their room to go with it. It really is personality, not a matter of what physical items are in their possession.

 

It's been my observation that this is learned behavior picked up mostly from the parents (and to a lesser extent peers and the media).

[Denisemomof4]

Maybe that is true in some cases, but I have to admit that I get a little tired of hearing that parents only buy expensive things for their kids because they have some sense of guilt. Some of us buy all of the latest things for their kids because they can afford it, and because they enjoy buying nice things for their children. Not all kids who "have it all" are obnoxious little brats.

 

I spent a few thousand dollars on my ds10 for Christmas, and I don't regret it a bit. He is very happy with his new stuff -- most of which wasn't on his Christmas list, but was purchased because my dh or I thought he would like it -- and he can't wait to play with all of it with the neighbor kids. He doesn't brag or show off; he is a kind and generous boy who just happens to be fortunate enough to get lots of presents.

 

 

Cat

 

Thank you as well. I understand what the others are saying but, again, it does get a little tiring that so many say there is some bad reason for spending more than most at Christmas or birthdays. I get it, I really do. Please be careful about generalizations though. We get what we get because we can and we want to. No guilt. No excess and waste. Just because. :)

 

I'm sorry, ladies, if you read my response and it offended you in any way at all.

 

I have issues with materialism because of the family I come from and my bf. It's something that has always bothered me. I won't get into explanations but I feel the way I do for what I've seen and experienced.:thumbup:

 

I know there are very wealthy people out there who shower their kids with gifts, and those kids are just as nice and generous as can be. I've known them!

[Night Elf]

How can I raise my daughter differently than our neighbors and family members without screwing her up for life and breeding resentment in her heart???

 

I grew up poor and knew it. My friends were also poor. However, in school, there were all kinds of income levels and I did hate being at the bottom of the ladder. So yes, I grew up resentful because I was seen as "less" than others because I didn't have what they had.

 

Now with my children, I've always been able to get them things they want but they've been really choosy at what they want. Dd12 really wanted a nice digital camera this Christmas and said there was very little else she wanted. She would rather have the one nice gift than several less expensive gifts that wouldn't mean as much. My children have learned to see commercials for what they are. I've taught them about marketing. To use the pillow pets example, the commercials were very frequent. That is a turn-off for my children because it's a hard-sell. Both daughters thought they were cute and would look cute on their beds but in reality it wouldn't be something they loved. They don't want everything that everyone else has but they do want the things they think they will really like and use the most. We've had Christmases with lots of insignificant gifts to fill out the gap under the tree and the toys were played with for a short while and then forgotten. But the expensive gifts like video game consoles, games, ipods, and digital cameras are used throughout the year. I just see that as better spending of the money I have to spend on things. I do the same thing with curriculum actually. We use an expensive curriculum. Yes, a lesser expensive curriculum will work if I tweak it enough, but my time and stress level are huge considerations so we chose the curriculum that best suits our family. And I'm thankful I'm able to purchase it. But guess what? I've been judged for that decision as well.

 

Basically, like others have said, I don't spend money to spoil my children or make up for time not spent with them or whatever else lame judgement someone chooses to label me with because I am able to spend that money. I do it because the items are worth the money and I don't see them as evil the way some do. No screen time would be like no sugar to me. Ack! Yuck! :tongue_smilie:

[Night Elf]

 

What kind of business? I've yet to see anything a child can make that I have an interest in buying so I've had no answer when my kids have asked that question. I tell them they need to wait until they are old enough to qualify for a job. Ds14 is hoping he'll be able to find a job when he turns 15, but not everyone hires someone that young.

[amy g.]

I wanted to post about kids making their own money.

 

My 16 year old sells the show goats that she breeds. My 14 year old has made thousands of dollars selling goat milk soap. Before that, he taught piano lessons.

 

My 12 year old sells Christmas ornaments made from blown quail eggs. I also pay her for house cleaning when I get desperate.

 

My husband and I agree with spending both time and money on our kids. We have and would spoil them, but they have very independent personalities, and would rather earn their own money.

[Jumping In Puddles]

How screwed up is our culture that a 7 yo feels ashamed of playing with a stuffed animal?

 

I hate peer pressure.

 

My almost 8yo BOY loves his pillow pet! When my dd6 brought a unicorn pp as a gift to her 6yo friend — a 9yo BOY at the party came running over and said "WHOA, you are so LUCKY you got a pillow pet!!" (I was kind of glad to hear that because I am waiting for the day someone comes over to our house and tells ds pillow pets are for girls... or babies. :sneaky2: )

[amy g.]

I forgot that my 14 year old used to also sell eggs and chicks.

 

My 16 year old has been paid for providing a petting zoo, and also teaching horse grooming.

 

Most of these are animal related, simply because that is her interest. She has also sold artwork. I need to remind her that she has two pastel drawings commissioned that she needs to finish and mail.

 

My sister gets $75 each for pet portraits. She paints directly on small pieces of scrap wood, usually in only a single color.

 

I put myself through college airbrushing T-shirts and sheet sets and then putting them on consignment in fancy shops.

 

I think their are countless ways for kids to make their own money. It just takes some creativity and a lot of hard work.

[susankenny]

they could want. For birthdays and Christmas we usually buy them one expensive, greatly desired gift. Everything else they save up for and earn. They get tremendous satisfaction from the items they earn themselves and we all get joy from those things we can just give. It's important to teach delayed gratification as well as generosity.

 

I agree. I thought my post implied that. If it didn't, it was simply poor wording on my part. I meant for that to be the point.

 

Susan

[Soror]

We just tell our dd to be happy for her friend. A good friend will rejoice in her friend's blessings and not be jealous, no matter what the situation. Whether it's more toys, more friends, better clothes, or a car at 16, a house at 22, a husband at 24. It's all good, because every family is different. I actively demonstrate my joy to my dd: I have recently expressed my sincere happiness over a friend who has a new friend in her life. Am I jealous that my friend sometimes mentions her new friend? Heck no! I'm thankful that God brought a good person into my friend's life.

I totally agree with this. I was brought up around a lot of jealous, so it seemed to me. I fight this really hard myself and hope that my kids can have genuine joy with their friends blessings.

[Poke Salad Annie]

You just tell her that my dd9 and her friends all got pillow pets....and they love them!!!!! ;) Her 11yr old girl friend got one 2 and they are very happy!!!!

 

Man, I started to buy a pillow pet for my 10 y/o (who wanted one), but there were so many at Walmart that I thought they'd be marked down after Christmas. I'm going to look today.

 

Back to the topic at hand.....

 

As a child, I had a best friend who lived next door. At Christmas I would get things like mittens, a new coat, a tam (who calls it that anymore?), maybe one new game, and some Hershey's kisses and fruit and nuts in my stocking. I was always happy and felt content until I went next door and my friend showed me her "haul"---amazing things like a real play showboat with stand-up cardboard paper dolls to act out shows (that's the one I still remember). Looking at all the amazing things she and her brother received took a bit of the shine off my gifts. I can't say it any other way. I was jealous, and more than that, ashamed of my jealousy.

 

My home was a happy home, and I have wonderful memories of the holidays, which I treasure very much. The jealousy I felt at the moment during my childhood was only fleeting, as I knew that I wasn't to have the same kind of gifts as my friend received. I was taught contentment as a child, and even though I felt that momentary bit of envy, it never overcame me.

 

I don't remember how I got started, but I do remember making and selling things as a child---potholders, ornaments, other doo-dads. I made my own spending money from about the age of 11 onward until I was married and after. I was never handed $5 or so at the end of the week for an allowance. Did it damage me? I don't think so. I knew if I had money, it would be from my own making.

 

My children have never received any kind of extravagant gifts. I don't buy them, and neither does my dh. We have had neighborhood children who have much more than my kids have ever received. They've never felt slighted, though they do see the difference in gifts. They wonder how the other kids can get "so much".

[susankenny]

I just read all of the discussion on pillow pets. My daughter & son both received one this year too (unicorn & dog...it's a pillow? it's a pet? It's a pillow pet!). They LOVE them. I had no idea these toys are even considered uncool by some children, lol. My daughter's huge gift was a barbie house as tall as her. She loves barbies, baby dolls, stuffed animals, etc. I just had no clue these toys could be considered too babyish for a 9 year old. Crazy!

 

 

Susan

[Night Elf]

re: kids who sell things

 

I've never met kids like yours. The ones I have known who sell things are just trying to make a buck and their merchandise just isn't what I would consider purchasing. It's like forced Girl Scout cookies or Boy Scout popcorn. It would be just a way of me giving money to a kid. I would end up throwing out the jewelry and artwork I've seen. And we don't do animal stuff like what you guys are talking about, but that sounds mighty cool for your kids. That's so far out my realm that it's hard to wrap my mind around. :tongue_smilie:

[Haiku]

So now I'm dreading the "I want an ipod Touch" conversation.

 

I have an iPod Touch that my dh got me for Christmas last year, and I just recently bought myself a (used, very reasonably priced) iPhone. I have the cheapest data plan available and only pay $10 a month for my line through my MIL's plan.

 

Here's how the conversation went in our house:

 

Dd8: I want an iPod Touch for Christmas.

Me: No. (Very important! Firm and no wavering. ;) )

Dd8: Why not?

Me: Because they are expensive and you are 8.

Dd8: When can I get an iPhone?

Me: When you are old enough to get a job, purchase your own iPhone, and pay for the monthly data plan, just like Mom.

Dd8: But that will be FOREVER!!!!

Me: Yep, so you shouldn't worry about it now.

 

I recently got a job because my dh's hours and pay were cut 25% in September. I informed my family when I started the job that I would be getting an iPhone, as I had always said that if/when I got a job I would be worth the two hours a month of work it would cost me to pay for the cheapo data plan. I think I set a good example for my kids in that I have talked for a long time about wanting an iPhone and how I would go about achieving that goal (buying used, having a plan in place to pay for the data). I think I have set the precedent with my kids (including my dd16) that if they want an expensive toy, they have to pay for it themselves. My dd16 has to pay for her own phone. And my little kids know that they get no internet-enabled devices until they are teens.

 

Tara

[amy g.]

I understand completely what you are saying. In fact, my son will not sell Boy Scout popcorn because it is just not something he can in good conscience ask people to spend money on.

 

I know some people love it, and think it is worth the price. That is just not us.

[Jumping In Puddles]

I understand completely what you are saying. In fact, my son will not sell Boy Scout popcorn because it is just not something he can in good conscience ask people to spend money on.

 

I know some people love it, and think it is worth the price. That is just not us.

 

The point of selling popcorn is to raise money for the scouts. There is a kid in our den who didn't sell even one bag of popcorn and yet he submits the most requests for earned beltloops. Our pack runs completely on the profit of the popcorn sale and beltloops, pins, patches, pinewood derby cars etc. are not free! Den dues covers supplies for projects and some trips but would be MUCH higher without the popcorn money.

 

My son went around our neighborhood for weeks working his butt off to support his pack. He didn't force anyone to buy something but found that almost all of our neighbors were happy to support the boys and some people were looking forward to him coming back! (although one person collects the tins and there were no tins this year.. grrr)

 

My son couldn't, in good conscience, let all the other boys do the work for the pack while he reaped the benefits.

[Crimson Wife]

I know there are very wealthy people out there who shower their kids with gifts, and those kids are just as nice and generous as can be. I've known them!

 

I know some as well. I have friends who are the most incredibly down-to-earth people and whom you would never suspect in a million years came from wealthy families.

 

*HOWEVER* it's been my observation that they are the exception rather than the rule. I grew up in a wealthy area, went to college (and DH went to grad school) with a bunch of rich kids, and live in an area where there is a lot of wealth (near Silicon Valley). The majority of folks who grow up wealthy develop a *SERIOUS* entitlement attitude. I even saw it happen to my own cousin. My aunt tried her best with him but her ex spoiled my cousin. He wound up with a very serious substance abuse problem in his late teens and is lucky to be alive and sober today.

 

I see a lot of spiritual emptiness around me and people trying to fill that void with material things instead of God :(

[Poke Salad Annie]

I think their are countless ways for kids to make their own money. It just takes some creativity and a lot of hard work.

 

Yep, my brothers made their own money too---climbing in trees and cutting mistletoe and selling it during the holidays. I know they did other things like this too, and they always had their own spending money.

 

 

 

re: kids who sell things

 

I've never met kids like yours. The ones I have known who sell things are just trying to make a buck and their merchandise just isn't what I would consider purchasing. It's like forced Girl Scout cookies or Boy Scout popcorn. It would be just a way of me giving money to a kid. I would end up throwing out the jewelry and artwork I've seen. And we don't do animal stuff like what you guys are talking about, but that sounds mighty cool for your kids. That's so far out my realm that it's hard to wrap my mind around. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm sorry, but this gets to me. I worked hard on the projects I did growing up. From a young age, I was very crafty and was always creating things. I made and gave gifts to every grandparent, aunt and uncle at Christmas. Whether they threw them in the trash or not, I don't know, but I was always told how much they enjoyed the gifts, and how creative they were. I saw them in use on visits to their homes during my childhood, so I guess they were appreciated.

 

As far as making and selling things, I worked very hard on the things I made. I was very critical of every item, and nothing went out of the house that wasn't perfection in my eyes. I can only think of one person in my neighborhood who wasn't interested at first. She later caught me out one day and asked to see what I had again, and bought several (hand sewn items). I soon was taking orders for things, and made quite a bit of money one holiday season. Was that a good lesson for me? Absolutely!

 

I really hesitated to even post this response, but I felt that I ought to at least write an encouragement to others who wonder about the positives for children cultivating a home cottage industry.

[Murphy101]

The point of selling popcorn is to raise money for the scouts. There is a kid in our den who didn't sell even one bag of popcorn and yet he submits the most requests for earned beltloops. Our pack runs completely on the profit of the popcorn sale and beltloops, pins, patches, pinewood derby cars etc. are not free! Den dues covers supplies for projects and some trips but would be MUCH higher without the popcorn money.

 

My son went around our neighborhood for weeks working his butt off to support his pack. He didn't force anyone to buy something but found that almost all of our neighbors were happy to support the boys and some people were looking forward to him coming back! (although one person collects the tins and there were no tins this year.. grrr)

 

My son couldn't, in good conscience, let all the other boys do the work for the pack while he reaped the benefits.

 

I'd rather they just charge a reasonable fee and be done with the popcorn. We hate the popcorn. Everyone we know hates the popcorn. And it's outrageously priced.

 

For that matter, we sold a lot of popcorn and still felt nickel and dimed to death. So we don't do scouts.:)

 

Yep, my brothers made their own money too---climbing in trees and cutting mistletoe and selling it during the holidays. I know they did other things like this too, and they always had their own spending money.

 

I'm sorry, but this gets to me. I worked hard on the projects I did growing up.

 

As far as making and selling things, I worked very hard on the things I made. I was very critical of every item, and nothing went out of the house that wasn't perfection in my eyes. I can only think of one person in my neighborhood who wasn't interested at first. She later caught me out one day and asked to see what I had again, and bought several (hand sewn items). I soon was taking orders for things, and made quite a bit of money one holiday season. Was that a good lesson for me? Absolutely!

 

I really hesitated to even post this response, but I felt that I ought to at least write an encouragement to others who wonder about the positives for children cultivating a home cottage industry.

 

I don't think the poster was saying she has a problem with kids doing this. I think what she is saying is-

 

A. She doesn't already own a farm her kids can profit from by selling things like eggs and special soaps. That stuff they are using costs money to make and either someone gives the stuff or the money to buy the stuff. It isn't like the kid just had it to make money off of. Someone funded the start up if their little business. And most of the time, the kid doesn't pay the over head expenses either. If a family can afford that, great. But many can't.

 

B. She is just saying either it is not a niche she is personally interested in purchasing or she isn't seeing the quality to make it worth it. In which case, the purchase is more for charity sake than because the kid is running a good item/business.

 

 

If that is not what she was saying, well I am.:)

[jujsky]

I'm on page 3 of this whole discussion, but just wanted to throw in my two cents. We are fortunate and have the resources to buy our children nice gifts. DD has had her heart set on Felicity's tea set so I got her that and the dessert set as her big Christmas present this year (we also celebrate Hanukkah so she got many gifts from that including a new AG doll from my ILs, and because of the snow storm here my mom hasn't been able to give her the 20 -- yes 20, but she justifies it by saying most of them are small -- gifts :glare:). When I asked her what her favorite gift was, she said, "The stuff you made me." I made her a tote bag for her American Girl dolls and a couple of outfits. She helped me pick the fabric for one outfit, and the other one I made was very elaborate and took me a lot of time. I think it's sweet that at 6 years old she honestly, truly appreciates the handmade gifts more than the expensive, store-bought gifts.

[TravelingChris]

CrimsonWife posted

*HOWEVER* it's been my observation that they are the exception rather than the rule. I grew up in a wealthy area, went to college (and DH went to grad school) with a bunch of rich kids, and live in an area where there is a lot of wealth (near Silicon Valley). The majority of folks who grow up wealthy develop a *SERIOUS* entitlement attitude. I even saw it happen to my own cousin. My aunt tried her best with him but her ex spoiled my cousin. He wound up with a very serious substance abuse problem in his late teens and is lucky to be alive and sober today.

 

My kids have grown up in nice areas and they have friends that are also from comfortable families moneywise. I haven't seen anything bad about the kids and I grew up in different circumstances. Most of the kids still have jobs, they are in lots of good groups like bands, Scouts, youth groups, athletic teams, volunteer groups, etc. The only kids I have seen who have had those attitudes were some kids from broken families and some kids from double working families where no parent is supervising or taking kid to activities. But then I tend not to meet those kids since I meet kids who are in other activities or groups with my kids or live near us in the neighborhood.

[Night Elf]

I'm sorry, but this gets to me. I worked hard on the projects I did growing up.

 

I *never* said the kids didn't work hard. However, I will not buy something from someone just because it will make them feel good. That's throwing money away, IMHO. Would you really pay money for something you really don't like? I guess some people would because they want to encourage children but I don't agree with that at all. I interpret that as false encouragement. I think kids should be encouraged, yes, but I don't want people lying to my children to make them feel good. That is going to be really bad when they are older and think they are good at something when really they aren't.

[Poke Salad Annie]

I *never* said the kids didn't work hard. However, I will not buy something from someone just because it will make them feel good. That's throwing money away, IMHO. Would you really pay money for something you really don't like? I guess some people would because they want to encourage children but I don't agree with that at all. I interpret that as false encouragement. I think kids should be encouraged, yes, but I don't want people lying to my children to make them feel good. That is going to be really bad when they are older and think they are good at something when really they aren't.

 

Gosh, I hope that no one ever felt pressured to buy something from me that they felt was of a shoddy quality.

 

I'm actually always impressed when I see kids trying to earn their money in an entrepreneurial way. That's all I've got to say.

[Murphy101]

I *never* said the kids didn't work hard. However, I will not buy something from someone just because it will make them feel good. That's throwing money away, IMHO. Would you really pay money for something you really don't like? I guess some people would because they want to encourage children but I don't agree with that at all. I interpret that as false encouragement. I think kids should be encouraged, yes, but I don't want people lying to my children to make them feel good. That is going to be really bad when they are older and think they are good at something when really they aren't.

 

:iagree: however, I'll add the proviso, that sometimes the general populace simply has lower standards OR the kid is good at something I'm not qualified to judge the quality of.:)

[Murphy101]

Gosh, I hope that no one ever felt pressured to buy something from me that they felt was of a shoddy quality.

 

I'm actually always impressed when I see kids trying to earn their money in an entrepreneurial way. That's all I've got to say.

 

Well sure! I am too. But is that a good enough reason to buy? I don't think so. Maybe you disagree. No one mentioned pressure.

[Gretchen in NJ]

When my son asks for something, I say, "Yes! you can put it on your wish list". >big smile< and he says ok! If he asks for it again...which usually he doesn't because he's only 6 and he forgets about it soon enough (I know this will eventually change), then I'll ask him how he might be able to get something from his wish list. We might talk about doing chores, saving allowance, waiting for a birthday or Christmas, etc. Sometimes he actually saves up for it and that's great! Usually, he doesn't but the desire eventually wanes. I just try not to get worked up over it when he asks for things and I definitely try not to say no or tell him that we can't afford it. I look for ways to say yes!

This wouldn't work for my girls. I would be called a liar.

 

We go through this all of the time. Sometimes it has to do with $$$, and sometimes it just has to do with standards. Our friends gave some of their children MP3 players. Their oldest is 9 and is going to be 10 next month. We decided in our family to make our girls wait until they are 13 for an iPod and 16 for a phone. Different families have different rules.

 

I like to ask myself if I give a 9 year old an iPod, what do I give him at 16?

[Night Elf]

I'm actually always impressed when I see kids trying to earn their money in an entrepreneurial way. That's all I've got to say.

 

Okay, I'm probably dragging this out but maybe we're talking about different stuff here. I'm talking about handmade cards with buttons, lace, and immature drawings, plastic lanyards you get in a kit, or the kit-type loom pot holders or whatever you call them. However, I would definitely buy homemade cooked goods like cakes and cookies or nice quality handmade cards. I've never met young people selling nice goods.

 

I do know some kids that offer music lessons. That is definitely impressive, but I don't think I should take lessons or make my kids take lessons to help out the child. That just seems so wrong!

[Jumping In Puddles]

I'd rather they just charge a reasonable fee and be done with the popcorn. We hate the popcorn. Everyone we know hates the popcorn. And it's outrageously priced.

 

For that matter, we sold a lot of popcorn and still felt nickel and dimed to death. So we don't do scouts.:)

 

 

 

If my son didn't sell any popcorn at all, I would write a check to the pack and be done with it. I just couldn't let all the other boys sell so my kid could get something for nothing!

 

I understand about feeling nickel and dimed to death! I felt that way with wrestling and really bugged me, so we don't do wrestling anymore.

 

Our den collects dues at the beginning of the year, then that is it! If it is going to cost money, we don't do it. We have always come up with something free that the boys have a blast with.

 

One thing... the den bought my dh a gift card this year for Christmas and it made me cringe because everyone put in money for it. (although I totally appreciate the thought and gift... I don't like people to have to put out money!) I would have loved if they made a card and sang a song or something! :tongue_smilie:

[Jumping In Puddles]

 

I like to ask myself if I give a 9 year old an iPod, what do I give him at 16?

 

A newer iPod? :tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie:

[Murphy101]

I do know some kids that offer music lessons. That is definitely impressive, but I don't think I should take lessons or make my kids take lessons to help out the child. That just seems so wrong!

 

Ug. I'm sure there are quality lessons from teens, but I won't ever do that again. Unreliable. Unprofessional. Their parents want to get involved and I'm not interested in some music lesson triangle relationship. :tongue_smilie:

 

If the kid can't make and keep his own schedule and clients without mom involved then I am not interested. I've yet to see it any other way. In fact, that is my general annoyance with kid "business". I understand that they need guidance from their parents, but I don't want to be involved with that. It's just too frustrating for me as a customer.

[Crimson Wife]

I like to ask myself if I give a 9 year old an iPod, what do I give him at 16?

 

They usually get a brand-new BMW or whatever, and when they inevitably crash it, a replacement car :rolleyes: One of my high school classmates totaled *FOUR* cars before the DMV finally took his license away. Last I heard of him, he had dropped out of college and was working as a ski instructor (he had a trust fund from Mummy & Daddy so he didn't need to get a real job :rolleyes:)

[Tree House Academy]

Unfortnately that plays out here every single year. Here is the scenario:

 

Older son's dad and I are divorced. Current dh and I have a child together. Older ds and younger ds both live with me and are raised as brothers - 100% of the time. Well, older ds goes to his dad's for Christmas and comes home with a ridiculous amount of stuff. This year, at home, he got some books, a beyblade set, walkie talkies, some candy, a harmonics, mighty beans, and 3 Christian CDs that he liked. Younger ds got similar items and we spent around $150 per child.

 

Now...older ds is at his dad's. He received a 32" flat panel TV for his room, a blue ray player (I don't even own one of those), 2 blue ray movies, $45 cash, 4 Wii games, a $10 gift card to walmart and a $15 gift card to Toys R Us. :glare:

 

The only reason I let him bring all of this home is because younger ds can also play the games, watch the TV/Blue Ray movies, etc. Otherwise, that stuff would be staying at dads. His dad is in a long term, non-married relationship, makes as much as my dh (if not more...and the live in girlfriend makes a small amount of $ too at her job to add to the income). He lives in a 3/4 $million home with a movie theater in it. He is Mr. Spendy and pays so little for child support, it is laughable. So, of course, he can act like Senor Moneybags at christmas. He always swoops in and "saves the day." We can't compete with the spendy gifts...and if we could, we wouldn't. We are just very different than the ex-husband in this way. *sigh* And it is something we will deal with every year until older ds moves out, I am sure!

 

Bah Humbug.

[BlsdMama]

 

I like to ask myself if I give a 9 year old an iPod, what do I give him at 16?

 

Well, let's face it, the one you got him at nine will be insanely outdated! You get him the new version. :D

 

Kidding aside, my children do not have cell phones (nope, not even the almost 15yo.) laptops, personal computers. We own NO gaming system, not a PS3, a Wii, or even an Atari. :001_huh:

 

It isn't even a matter of affordability. It's a matter of good, better, best. Each day my children have a billion things begging for their time & attention. Passive play is not as useful as interacting and spending their time in a manner doing something or making something. So we've chosen not to get these things. Last year my parents asked if they could please buy the children a Wii. I explained that we loved them very much, appreciated the thought, and please, don't bring that into our house.

 

Because that's what is right for OUR family. Now, when we go back to Boy Scouts, I'm certain CJ will hear all about what the other boys got for games, etc. I'm sure. But he has a FIRM FOUNDATION of why we get what we get, and why we don't get what we get.

 

So, frankly, what other families get or don't get, doesn't frighten me. If you don't know why you buy one thing and not another or you haven't shared these views with your children, you should be concerned your kids will have hard feelings. They probably will. The foundation is important.

 

What did he get? A footlocker to keep all of his things in and keep them out of little hands, a survival kit, a whetstone & survival knife. One very serious survival knife, lol. :D Every one of those things will survive the next ten years. They will not be outdated or replaced by the newer model.

 

But honestly? I could care less what anyone else buys their kids. It has no impact on me. Nor do I feel the need to defend what we do.

 

The ONLY thing that really bothers me about Christmas is that all around us are dozens and dozens of posts of what he got, what she got, what we didn't get, what we got that we didn't want (and I am guilty of this as well) and everything EVERYTHING is focused on gifts.

 

And yet we walk around spouting things like, "Keep Christ in Christmas," or "Jesus is the Reason for the Season," and other cute, quippy sayings. But if actions speak louder than words and our focus is entirely on gifts, then what are we truly imparting to our kids?

[Gretchen in NJ]

This is an honest question, not meant to be sarcastic. If you choose to spend "thousands" on your children for Christmas and maybe their birthday, what is left for big events, such as graduation?

 

I ask because the mom I know who spends $1,000 per child is also having her mom get her kids laptops (the kids are 6 and 8). What will they receive when they graduate, a house?

 

My parents have friends that bought their children a house to live in after graduating from high school and only if they went to college. They saw it as an investment instead of throwing their money down the college housing pit. They had very strick rules too.

[Gretchen in NJ]

A newer iPod? :tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie:

:lol::lol:Hi Puddles:seeya:

They usually get a brand-new BMW or whatever, and when they inevitably crash it, a replacement car :rolleyes: One of my high school classmates totaled *FOUR* cars before the DMV finally took his license away. Last I heard of him, he had dropped out of college and was working as a ski instructor (he had a trust fund from Mummy & Daddy so he didn't need to get a real job :rolleyes:)

 

Oh, I wish my parents had that kind of money.

[GoVanGogh]

I like to ask myself if I give a 9 year old an iPod, what do I give him at 16?

I don't follow this line of reasoning.

My DH gave me a Kindle for Christmas this year, but I certainly don't expect him to "top" that next year. Some years I get some bling for our anniversary, but this year we decided to just go out to eat and not buy gifts for each other.

I don't want my child to always feel like he has to get something bigger and better each and every gift-giving occasion. Life just doesn't happen that way.

We do have friends (adult and children) that feel that everything must always be topped, but we would rather be happy with what we have and not see gift giving as a competition.

 

 

I don't know if this has been commented on - but the original topic is not something that just pertains to children.

We have friends on both ends of the economic scale, while we are probably square in the middle. I have a friend that got a new car for Christmas. I have a friend that didn't exchange gifts because they don't have any extra money right now.

Does that mean that I can't be happy for my friend that got a new car while I "just" got a Kindle or that I can't tell my other friend that I got a Kindle while she didn't get anything?

I don't think as adults that we need to be ashamed of what we received or didn't receive. We need to be gracious, yes. But that doesn't mean we have to hide what we received or didn't receive.