Why yes, I do stink at this mom stuff

[plain jane]

:tongue_smilie:

 

 

Would you believe that I've not kept my kids' baby books up to date? So much so that I don't remember how long my 2yo was at birth, let alone their first word? :001_huh:

 

I always have the best intentions... I have all the books, I just never get around to writing in them. :( I've also been worse and worse about taking pictures as the years go on. Sigh.

 

So, how do I fix this? I know that I fudged a couple of dates in my 2nd child's baby book- date of first step, but I don't remember which dates now so I guess it's all good ;) (that was part of my original plan- that I'd eventually forget :lol:)

 

Thing is, I pretty much stopped after #2. I don't know what child #3's first word was, :001_huh: let alone the date of first steps. Ugh.

 

I'm terrible. I feel terrible about this. It's not that I'm disorganized, I just get busy with other stuff. Now I feel like I've really failed them and I'm not sure how to fix this. I'm not very happy with myself. :(

 

I keep thinking I can pick up the books and sort of fudge my way through, but it's hard. I obsess about trying to get as close to the actual date as possible, which is hard when I really have no clue. LOL Then I get overwhelmed and put them down and many more months go by. sigh. I don't think I'm cut out for this mom stuff some days.

 

 

ETA: I updated on post #32 to explain a bit more as to why this bothers me. :) Thanks for all the responses and support.

Edited December 8, 2010 by plain jane

[AK_Mom4]

My mom gave me a baby book for each child. 4 books - 4 kids. The only thing that ever got written in any of them was their name on the front page - and that's because my mom wrote it!

 

Fortunately, DH likes to take pictures, so we have lots of pics of the kids at all different stages. I like to look over these, but I admit I can't tell my kids apart in the baby pics!

[Bird Girl]

OK, Jane, I'm starting to get worried about you. I know your stress level is high, but for heaven's sake! Give yourself a break! Baby books?!?

 

Put the guilt down, my friend! You are doing a good job!

[newlifemom]

My dd just told me I was a good mom and I have never ever filled in a baby book. I always say that I want to enjoy the moment and not worry about trying to record it and miss it for recording. Does that make any sense?

 

 

Seriously, let it go. Breathe in, breathe out. You are a good mom. Heck, you sound like a much better mom than I am. :tongue_smilie:

[Mom in High Heels]

Ask your kids how bad of a mom they think you are. It's just a baby book. Throw off the guilt and go on being the good mom that you are.

[StephanieF]

You should see the boxes of pics for number 1 child. He blinked and I captured that moment! If I had continued in that vein for 3 children we would have had to move house to store all those pictures! Thank goodness for digital photography!

Personally a good lot of digital pics is the best think you can do to capture the family memories, not baby books which don't ever get read.

What would be more treasured in the future, family photos or a record that your first word was dog?

Stephanie

[Peela]

I wouldnt have a clue about those things and I dont tend to think they are very important. Kind of cute but not very important.

[RoughCollie]

Would you believe that I've not kept my kids' baby books up to date?

 

Would you believe that I haven't, either? Furthermore, I don't know whether I took those blank baby books with me when we moved. Some of the info is stashed in their files (old calendar pages and scraps of paper on which I wrote things down). The photos are in five rather large boxes that I've been meaning to sort through for 16 years. I know I don't have enough photos of DD. To top it off, I don't even know where my camera is, beyond that it is around here somewhere.

[RoughCollie]

You should see the boxes of pics for number 1 child. He blinked and I captured that moment!

 

That's what I did with the boys. I have scads of photos that look like the same picture was taken over and over again. Somehow, at the time, I thought the boy in question had changed his expression. I can't see all those nuances now. I wonder if they were ever there.

[Hikin' Mama]

Well, I only actually had a baby book for my oldest, my other two never had one. And guess what I did with said baby book? Threw it away!

 

My mom did baby books for my brother and me, but that's not what makes her the awesome mom that she is.

 

You're not a bad mom. Don't guilt yourself. :grouphug:

[Princess Peach]

Oh dear, you are being way too hard on yourself! Seriously, do you care what your first word was? Your kids won't either, trust me. They will remember how you were there for them every single day and about a million other great things! Let it go, it's not worth the guilt.

[MelanieM]

As others have said, cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission to never write in a baby book again. Then when your kids grow up, share all the cute stories about how they drove you so crazy and ate up so much of your time that only the first one ends up with the mountain of pictures and snippets of text regarding his/her every move. :)

 

Your kids will enjoy hearing whatever you remember about them. They won't likely care much what exactly that is, or if you remember all the same exact details for each kid.

 

Just so you know, this might be a blessing in disguise as you could end up with adult children like me... I really do not care for 36 year old boxes of junk from when I was a baby, which I now feel like I'm supposed to cart around with me everywhere just because of the age of the stuff.

[Sahamamama]

Motherhood = Guilt & Remorse (vs.) Motherhood = Shared Memories & Joys

 

:grouphug: Somewhere up in the attic is (possibly?) a baby book from the shower for my firstborn. When I was pregnant with her, I was put on bedrest. The baby book, if it existed at all, found its way into a box, which might (possibly?) be up in our attic. I have never seen it, actually, so I'm not certain it is up there. Less than two years after the firstborn came, we welcomed twins.... so life has been a bit much for me to harbor an expectation of keeping up with baby books. I'm actually thrilled to have kept up with the actual, flesh-and-blood children! :D

 

Speaking of the children, they are happily coloring gingerbread men coloring pages at the table next to me.... happily singing Christmas songs.... happily running around in their pajamas, accessorized with "costume pieces" lovingly sent to us from a person on this board.

 

So life is good. I say it's even better (possibly?) without baby book guilt.

 

Hugs. :grouphug:

[MelanieM]

Jane, just in case you can't easily let this go without a back-up plan, I'll share an idea I have that feels much less stressful to me than logging things in baby books... I have these cute little blank notebooks that I found at the dollar store and stocked up on. I've put aside one for each person in the family, and I'm going to use them as appreciation journals. I'll randomly write things that I love about the person, which may even include memories from things that happened years ago when they come to me, and perhaps even invite other members of the family to write sweet notes in the books as well. :D

 

Of course, I reserve the right to let this idea go the way of the baby book as well, and will still be sure to appreciate *myself* for the good idea, even if none of the books have more than a page filled in 20 yrs from now. :lol:

[Mommyfaithe]

By baby 4 my goal was to keep everyone alive, fed, clean and retain some of my sanity....I think I failed on # 4.

 

My oldest dd kept a record of baby #6....but that was because she wanted to. I didn't even have pictures of # 3 when he aged out of swimming and they make a collage of the kids. I had to send out an SOS to other moms who happened to have lots of pictures of MY son :001_huh:...then again, they only had one or 2 kids and a camera. I always felt I had to actually WATCH my kids...and not through a little peep hole ...my littlies are always kinda nuts.:tongue_smilie:

 

Anyway, no regrets...they were born (for that I have proof) they had a great childhood (for that I made sure) and as far as memories, well, we have lots of those and maybe someday, one of them will write a book.

 

Faithe

[East Coast Sue]

I have totally forgotten my kids baby books... They are blank. I do feel guilty, but I think that since I'm at home with my kids, I am helping build memories that will last a lifetime. Oh and I make my kids write in a journal (almost) everyday, so maybe those can fill in for my empty journals!

 

Susan

[Cherryanne]

Wow! This thread makes me feel so much better about myself! I thought I was the only one who had failed to fill out my kids baby books. :001_smile:

[Mejane]

I "only" had two, and dropped the ball on #2, so give yourself a break. :001_smile:

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

I wouldnt have a clue about those things and I dont tend to think they are very important. Kind of cute but not very important.

[Lolly]

#1 every detail filled in. Album after album of pictures.

#2+3 some details filled in, until they became mobile. Pictures, not too bad until they became mobile. How, exactly, am I supposed to take pictures while holding onto/keep corralled 3 mobile creatures?

#4 My mom got me a calendar with stickers on it instead of a real baby book. She said there was no way I was going to be able to do a baby book. She was right. I barely even got any stickers on. Pictures? What are those? Did this child actually have an infancy? There is no concrete evidence.

 

This is just how it works when you have more than one or two.:D It is pretty much universal. Well, I'm sure there is the exception. I have yet to met SuperMom.

[Mejane]

Pictures? What are those? Did this child actually have an infancy? There is no concrete evidence.

 

 

:D My son thinks we picked him up in a cabbage patch. We don't even have pictures of his delivery as dh didn't wind the film properly in the camera (remember film?)

[Kim in Appalachia]

I do have one for my first. I think I wrote a few things in it. I'm not one for that kind of thing. I honestly don't see the point, but I am not the sentimental type. :tongue_smilie:

[Lolly]

:D My son thinks we picked him up in a cabbage patch. We don't even have pictures of his delivery as dh didn't wind the film properly in the camera (remember film?)

 

I DO remember film. I think I still have a few rolls that need to be developed in a drawer somewhere!

 

 

We were supposed to take pictures at the delivery? Oops.:D

[fairfarmhand]

I have 4 children, hence 4 baby books. Each one is emptier than the last one. MY poor youngest boy, will have nothing in his!

[angela in ohio]

Your kids have baby books?! :D

 

We have no baby books, keepsakes, scrapbooks, etc. It's just not who we are. We are living it, not recording it. (No offense to those who do all that; I'm just defending the right not to.) I have no desire to tell my dc that it matters what their first words were or the date of their first tooth. What matters to me is what they do for others and the person they become. There are more important things than baby books...

[ktgrok]

my plan is to use shutter fly or something to make a photo book with captions for the stuff i do know. that way there are no blank spots, i just include the stuff i do have :)

[KatieH]

Oh gosh! My first's baby book was like half done. I never even bought one for the others! LOL

[Paige]

but I admit I can't tell my kids apart in the baby pics!

 

That makes me feel soooo much better!! I have identical twins that were very hard to tell apart at birth. I couldn't tell them apart in person without some kind of mark for months. We quit labeling the pictures when telling them apart became easy. Now, when I look back at some of their baby picture, I can't tell them apart at all anymore! I was feeling so guilty. And- the worst one- their hospital picture wasn't labeled with who is who! How awful is that? I'm just going to have to call it one way or the other and stick with it. I have been feeling miserable about it since my girls found it a few weeks ago and asked who was who.

 

I also did not do baby books. I tried with my first and it is mostly filled out. With the next 2, I was doing well to remember who had eaten and who hadn't, I don't even remember if I started a book for them, and my youngest, I didn't even try to start something. Poor thing. I remember my parents showing us our baby books. My older brother had a beautiful big scrap book completely filled out. I had a few random pages stuck in the back of his book. :tongue_smilie: I was a little bitter at first, but now I get it.

[Hedgehog]

Well - some kind soul gave me a beautiful, Flower Fairies Baby Book when DD11 was born. I managed to write a few bits in it, but photos were never our strong point, so there was none of that added in. After a year or so I "discovered" it again and wrote a bit more.. but there were already some gaps. Then I got pg with DD9 and pg brain took hold :willy_nilly: and the Baby Book lay untouched in a drawer for a few years. When I found it again, sometime after DS5 was born, I decided that I wasn't the type to be doing Baby Books so I chucked it. Felt a bit bad doing so, but it didn't last long I'm afraid!

 

We get by with the handful of photos we have managed to take, along with photos by grandparents and a small amount of "treasures" that my dc keep in a box. One Box Apiece. :D Life is so much simpler, more peaceful and calm, without the clutter of umpteen memory items (haven't we had a thread about that recently?!).

[Truscifi]

I think ds's completely blank baby book just got donated to the firends of the library program along with a bunch of other books. I remember about how many months he was when he walked and talked, but specific dates?? No way! And I don't remember his first word either. And I only have one! I do have professional pics of him from every month through the first year though. I guess we all have our quirks. :tongue_smilie:

[plain jane]

Thanks for all the responses. :)

 

I am surprised that a lot of people here don't do baby books or that I'm not alone in my world of uncompleted baby books. A lot of people I know IRL have theirs all done up and decorated with pictures even and they have more kids than I do!

 

I guess what prompted this thread is that my kids *do* ask me questions. :) My 4yo did as me the other day what his first word was. I couldn't tell him. :glare:

 

They love looking at their baby pictures and they look different enough that even the kids know who is who :) and they want to hear stories about themselves. What did they like to eat? What was their temperament like? When did the walk and what sorts of words did they say?

 

They routinely ask these questions without any prompting from me. It's hard on a mommy heart to look at them with a blank look and wonder why it's not good enough that they're simply all alive and well enough to ask these questions? :tongue_smilie::lol: Sigh.

[mcconnellboys]

Oh, don't fudge! Why make up a history?

 

For thousands of years, right through much of the 20th century, many people did not even know their birth date. They still led rich, full lives.

 

Why not buy a $5 tape recorder at Wal-mart and keep it in a desk drawer (they come with a plug in cord, so you don't have to have fresh batteries)? When something happens you need/want to remember, turn on your recorder and say a few words. Put the date in there and someday you can listen to it and fill out books galore with info - when you have more time.

 

As for past times that are already gone without memories, write your children a letter and put it in their baby books. Tell them all your memories of how much you loved them and how rich your lives were together. Tell them you were so busy living life with them that you didn't take the time to record it. I have a feeling they'll forgive you, LOL....

[secular_mom]

You have baby books for your kids? (was I supposed to do that too? oops!)

[elfgivas]

my mom remembers way more of my children's childhood than i do. she wasn't sleep deprived ;)

 

so when they ask about something historical, i say "what a great question. let's ask grandma." and sure enough, most times, she remembers.

 

for the younger two, there is also an email trail of significant events that they can follow if they choose.

 

all that said, dd #2, now age 24 was sad that she didnt' have a baby book like her big sister, so my mom, bless her, made her one.

 

"no worries, mate"

truly.

ann

[2squared]

I don't have baby books for any of my dc. I have three photo albums with their first year pictures. Two dc don't have the pics. It was bugging me (because I need more stress in my life), so I did something about it. You can do this too....if you want.

 

I decided to start today and go forward. I made each dc a photobook with Snapfish. My oldest is 8yo so I made her a book from her 7th year. My 6yo got one from his 5th year and so on and so on. They LOVED the books, and they are about $25/each so not out of reach financially. I am semi-committed to making them a new book every year for their birthdays. My #3 had his birthday a couple months ago and he is now the proud owner of 2 personal photobooks. The books don't have any text, but 20+ pages of pics tells a story.

 

Some day I will go back in history, but this is my solution for now. Go forward, don't look back!!!

[melissel]

Wow! This thread makes me feel so much better about myself! I thought I was the only one who had failed to fill out my kids baby books. :001_smile:

 

:lol: No kidding!!!!

 

Aw, Jane :grouphug: It's OK. I remember some of the important moments for DD8, but not nearly as many for DD5. They ask me too. Not long ago, they asked me what their first words were. For DD8, that was easy--my nursing hound's first word was "cheche," our word for nursing. For DD5, I said, "You know, I'm not sure anymore. It's been a long time! But I can tell you a funny story about how you insisting on potty training yourself when you were just over a year old..." And I did, and they laughed hysterically and bore me no ill will whatsoever :D

 

For a long time, I felt a lot of guilt over not doing things like this. Scrapbooking, in particular, really appeals to me, but I'm neither creative enough nor organized enough to even consider starting. One day I realized that some of our most fun times as a family when I was a child were when my parents got down the big box loaded with random family photos and packs of prints and we just spent hours digging through them and seeing what treasure we could come up with. We did that recently on our wedding anniversary--DH got out our photo boxes and album and we spent hours digging through, talking about old times and explaining people and places to the girls. Then, the next time they went to my parents' for a sleepover, the girls did the same thing with their old photos too! Apparently, disorganization has bred its own tradition :lol:

 

Don't worry. The only thing I'd worry about in this regard is making sure I take enough pictures in general, which I don't, but I'm trying harder these days (especially after DH brought the Christmas tree home and decorated with the girls while I worked in the other room--toward the end, I heard DD5 cry, "Why are all these pictures [in the ornaments] of Bella and none are of ME?!" :blushing:). Then, someday you can upload a hundred random and hysterical ones to Snapfish or Ofoto or whoever's having the best sale at the time, shove them in a big shoebox with all your other photos, and save that for special moments.

 

Don't beat yourself up :grouphug:

Edited December 8, 2010 by melissel

[tangomoon]

I wonder if one of the reasons baby books used to be more popular is that there were so many fewer photos taken. Most of us have so many more photos now that we can recollect a lot more of the overall childhood from them, and don't necessarily need the written record as much. :)

[femke]

I bought babybooks for both sons. They only contain information in them that I was able to write down before they were born :blushing:

 

I make pictures with a digital camera, and also make little videos every now and then. Just a couple of days ago I was curious about when my oldest son started to speak. I found a video of him not talking, and a video of him talking...so he must have started to speak somewhere in between those two videos. At least now I have some kind of a date.

 

I have a big pile of photos, waiting to be put in albums. I came up with this idea of doing a photography unit study when they're a bit older. The creative part of that study will be to make their own scrapbook, from birth onwards.... :lol: saves me a whole lot of time!