ds15 had a LOADED gun pointed at him today

[hsbaby]

Obviously this CHILD has no respect for the power of a gun. Not only would I be concerned for my child and his friends, but what about the kid with the gun. He seems to think the gun is something to be played with. How would the father feel if he accidentally shot himself? The father needs to be made aware of his sons actions before he hurts himself or someone else.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

My sister-in-law's son was killed in almost the same scenario your son found himself in, so I have very strong feelings about situations such as this.

 

I absolutely would not allow my son back at a home where this took place. Ever.

 

Please let the boy's father know. It only takes a split second for a life to be lost because of improper handling of a weapon.

 

I'm so relieved to hear your son is okay. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: I would forbid him to see this kid again in no uncertain terms IMHO.

[LizzyBee]

Oh my gosh. I don't even know what to say, but I don't know how you can not tell the kid's father. I mean, what if he KILLS someone??? I'm so sorry Denise. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

:iagree: I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

[Caroline]

Denise, :grouphug:

 

As a mom of a 15 yo boy, I think I would be in shock, too. I imagine I would be sitting there not knowing what to do. I would be livid. I would be scared. I really think I would be feeling so many things that I wouldn't act immediately. I know that is probably the wrong thing to do-nothing. But there it is.

[MamaT]

Oh my word. I would be livid. You absolutely have to talk to this boy's father, and I would not care how angry my ds got with me - he would never, ever be allowed to go back to that house again.

[mommaduck]

I don't even know what to say. That kid needs help, and his father needs to lock up the effing guns and ammo because that kid obviously canNOT handle that kind of 'power'. His father needs to protect him from himself, I don't give a rats behind WHAT any pro-gun folks have to say about that. I'm not even against guns myself, just against ignorant people using them. Sheesh.

 

None of you will be helping this other kid AT ALL by ignoring it, trying to rationalize it away and deciding not to tell his father. You aren't doing the father any good at all by not telling him, you aren't doing society any good at all by not telling him, etc. Something like this needs intervention. Sweeping it under the rug is just plain wrong. I can tell you right now that MY kids would NOT be allowed to hang out with someone like that unsupervised again, I don't care HOW OLD the kid is (or how old mine is/are).

I'm pro-gun (though I wouldn't give my teen a gun) and I'm right on board with you! We don't have guns, but I grew up with plenty of them in the house. Twice a year, they were brought out for cleaning and firing. We got the lectures that instilled a fearful respect for them. You didn't point them unless you intended to use them and you didn't use them unless you planned on killing something with it...so you DID NOT TOUCH THEM unless you had a DARN GOOD REASON to. Yeah, never touched them other than to fire a few shots at a tin can twice a year.

 

Denise, this boy's dad NEEDS to know.

Edited November 12, 2010 by mommaduck

[TravelingChris]

All my kids learned to shoot guns, the oldest with Boy Scouts and the girls with the Rifle Program at 4H. I went with the girls a few times to the range. Each and every time before they started shooting, they went over the rules. THe most important rule is you don't point a gun at anyone. THen you don't have to be remembering whether the gun is loaded or not. THere is no mistake.

 

As so many others said, you need to talk to the dad but I suspect he already has poor judgment. Letting a 15 yo keep a loaded gun around (if that is what was allowed) is extremely poor judgment.

 

On the aspect of NH law, there is no law anywhere that allows the pointing of a loaded gun in fun. Yes, you can point a gun in self defense but if you invite someone to your home, you are going to need more than I needed to defend myself to have an adequate defense. No, I am not recommending filing charges but I do strongly recommend talking to the father and if he isn't locking up the guns, not allowing your son to go over there.

[gingersmom]

My child would never step foot in that house again.

 

End of friendship.

 

I would also strongly consider contacting the police. I just think that a stern lecture from his father/authority figure is not going to be enough to deter a child from doing this again.

[Embassy]

You must tell the father. He is a responsible party. Not only is he the parent, but he gave the son a gun.

 

As for the friendship, friends don't point loaded weapons at you. I don't care if he is 15 or 50. It was a selfish act by that boy and not what a true friend would do.

[Heather in Neverland]

You've already received good advice. I just wanted to say how sorry I am your ds had to go through that and for you as well. I would be a wreck. :grouphug:

[mysticamethyst]

The boys dad needs to know. I have a 16 year old, if he ever did anythign as STUPID as what that boy did to your son I would WANT/NEED to know. He put your son's life in serious danger no matter the circumstances--we all know accidents happen all the time with a loaded weapon.

 

I know you were tired when this all happen last night but today with a fresh head this must be dealt with. Your son will have to understand that you MUST talk with the boys father, too much to be lost if you don't. This time no one was hurt/killed but what about next time? He WILL do it again because nothing happen this time.

 

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this I cannot even imagine it. I would have probably gone over there irrational and screaming-good for you for taking time to think it thru but now is a time for action. Before a foolish mistake takes a life. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Your family will be in my thoughts today.

[2cents]

I'm with the others. You HAVE to take to the boy's parents. The boy is a minor right? If your child was acting criminally negligent you would want to know. Acting now may very well prevent a tragedy later. This could have been the tragedy and you are very lucky. You must report this. If the parents don't take act responsibly upon hearing about this, I'd seriously consider calling juvenile authorities.

 

This is way beyond a trust issue between you and your son. Your son needs to understand that this event could be a sign of serious anti-social tendencies and going unaddressed can lead to serious consequences. You're in a position to potentially intercept an escalation to something tragic. IMO there is no question about it. You must inform the parents.

[ReneTL]

You've already received good advice. I just wanted to say how sorry I am your ds had to go through that and for you as well. I would be a wreck. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

Maybe you would consider having your son talk to the friend & father with the support of your husband. Boys at 15 think they are men (though clearly they aren't) and might not want Momma-bear running to their defense. It might help your son swallow the pill of having to tell the friend's parents - which clearly must happen.

 

Peace & blessings,

Rene

[Denisemomof4]

 

The difference in whether the boy was joking or not is not in any way a commentary on the seriousness of the event or how tragic it could have been. We all know kids are killed all the time by kids messing around with guns!

 

 

However, if the boy was acting in anger or frustration, then it wasn't just stupid, it was assault. I'd be calling the police, and my son's relationship with the other boy would be OVER. No need to allow for future escalation.

 

Thank God a tragedy was averted this time. I don't mean to make light of what could have happened. But I do see a difference between a stupid, very foolish mistake and early manifestations of a psychopath.

 

this is what I was so upset about, knowing how my kid could have been seriously injured, or worse, because a stupid kid was joking around. It was a very, very dangerous line to cross. Ds was just as upset as I was.

 

I'm so glad I didn't talk to the parents yesterday. Sometimes you just KNOW when it's the WRONG time.

[Denisemomof4]

Denise, I find it somewhat alarming that you are not absolutely horrified and livid at what happened.

 

 

 

Don't jump to conclusions. What would make you think that? You are wrong if you think I wasn't horrified or livid. Just because the parents weren't addressed yesterday doesn't mean that I wasn't alarmed, horrified or terrified. I was. I still am.

 

Making the decision to do nothing YESTERDAY was the right thing to do. I had to be in the right frame of mind. I'm so glad I waited. Actually, I think I'm going to hand this one to dh to handle.

[CoastalGal]

this is what I was so upset about, knowing how my kid could have been seriously injured, or worse, because a stupid kid was joking around.

 

Denise, I don't know how many times this has been mentioned, but I'm going to try one more time before bowing out of the conversation:

 

POINTING A LOADED GUN AT SOMEONE IS NOT JOKING AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!:banghead:

[Denisemomof4]

She's likely in shock. I think it's wise for her to seek counsel and to weigh her decision as to what to do.

 

thank you for seeing this and for pointing this out to everyone else.

[Denisemomof4]

Denise, I don't know how many times this has been mentioned, but I'm going to try one more time before bowing out of the conversation:

 

POINTING A LOADED GUN AT SOMEONE IS NOT JOKING AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!:banghead:

 

Oh knock it off. I know the seriousness of it and I've made it clear. It was a joke, it could have killed. I GET IT. It was a stupid kid acting immaturely. HE DOESN'T HAVE THE MATURITY TO HANDLE A GUN because he proved his immaturity. It was a joke IN HIS EYES. He wasn't threatening IN HIS EYES.

 

I AM NOT OK WITH IT.

 

Is that clear now?

[Denisemomof4]

Denise is in New Hampshire, which has some of the most hands-off gun laws in the US. There are few restrictions.

 

If the kid is under 16, he's breaking the law. If he's 16 or more, he's probably not.

 

My ds is 15 and is one of the youngest in his class. Most of the kids are 16. I'm not positive of his age, but thank you for pointing this out because it gives me more to discuss.

[QuirkyKapers]

There are actually several problems here.

 

- friend was playing with a gun

- friend was playing with a LOADED gun

- friend pointed a loaded gun at your son

 

Any ONE of those things would mean I would do the following.

 

- I would absolutely tell the father.

- My son would not go that friend's house while friend still has a gun.

 

This is too important to worry about whether your DS will like what you do or not. You need to protect your son and that trumps everything else.

 

:iagree: Don't risk your son's life. :grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Trust your instincts. I am so sorry. I am sure you are in shock at just the thought of what your life would be like if the gun had gone off :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Edited November 12, 2010 by QuirkyKapers

[elegantlion]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Sounds like handing the situation to dh is the right thing.

 

I had a friend whose 15 year old son died because he and his friend were goofing off with a gun. Great kid, loved life, gone, because of a stupid accident.

 

I just heard of a shooting in the news. 18 year old died, listed as an accidental shooting.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

[lionfamily1999]

This is a biggie. Any tips? Advice? BTW, this is also the friend ds goes skateboarding with. Ds can NOT afford another concussion. I wish I could just keep him away. That won't work, either, as he has a few friends right in the general area.

This is a time when, imo, you HAVE to tell the parent. They should know that their son has done this.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Oh knock it off. I know the seriousness of it and I've made it clear. It was a joke, it could have killed. I GET IT. It was a stupid kid acting immaturely. HE DOESN'T HAVE THE MATURITY TO HANDLE A GUN because he proved his immaturity. It was a joke IN HIS EYES. He wasn't threatening IN HIS EYES.

 

I AM NOT OK WITH IT.

 

Is that clear now?

 

good for you. :D

 

i don't know why people are jumping on your words when a second or two of reading the context and considering the situation makes them understandable. you weren't saying that YOU considered the whole thing a joke (as in "ha! that was so funny!") - you were saying that in the eyes of the other teen boy, it was a goofing off thing and that he didn't mean any harm to your son. i can totally see that - teenage boys do stupid things sometimes, not realizing that hey - this ain't funny. yep, this "stupid thing" was very dangerous and needs to be addressed ... and it looks like you're going to have your husband do that, so there we go.

 

i hope that the other father responds in seriousness when your dh talks to him - that will certainly help you decide on your next steps (allowing the boys to hang out or whatever).

 

:grouphug:

[secular_mom]

nevermind.

Edited November 12, 2010 by secular_mom

[NanceXToo]

I haven't read all the posts, but :grouphug: oh man, how scary!!!

 

When I was a teenager, a 14 year old boy from my school died from an accidental gunshot when he and his friends were "playing around" with a loaded gun in one of the friend's houses.

 

Thank goodness your son is okay!

 

I WOULD tell the father/parents what happened to ensure that something like that hopefully never happens with this kid or any of HIS friends. I would have to really think about (and it may depend on how the conversation with the parents go) whether I'd let my son go hang out over there anymore (perhaps I'd say if he still wants to hang out with this kid, they can do it at your house or somewhere the kid won't be bringing his gun.

 

Like you said, he's obviously NOT responsible enough to have one!!

[Gwenhwyfar]

They are pleading with you to NOT say this was 'a joke', because saying it was some sort of misguided joke really seems to minimize the seriousness of what happened.

 

did you read what she said?

 

in the eyes of the teenage boy - it was a joke. the boy was not standing over her son and threatening to kill him for looking at his girlfriend or something. the other boy made a very stupid & potentially dangerous decision when he decided to goof around with a loaded gun, yes, and the OP recognizes that. that, however, doesn't change the boy's INTENTIONS. that's what's being expressed.

 

i don't see why people aren't understanding this. the OP didn't say "ha! this kid waved a gun at my son and it was totally funny!" :001_rolleyes:

[secular_mom]

did you read what she said?

 

in the eyes of the teenage boy - it was a joke. the boy was not standing over her son and threatening to kill him for looking at his girlfriend or something. the other boy made a very stupid & potentially dangerous decision when he decided to goof around with a loaded gun, yes, and the OP recognizes that. that, however, doesn't change the boy's INTENTIONS. that's what's being expressed.

 

i don't see why people aren't understanding this. the OP didn't say "ha! this kid waved a gun at my son and it was totally funny!" :001_rolleyes:

:001_rolleyes: back atcha. No one has said that they think the OP thinks this was 'a joke'. All I was saying is that to acknowledge the incident as having been intended as a joke STILL minimizes the seriousness of the event. To acknowledge that 'he meant no harm' downplays the seriousness of what happened. I would NOT acknowledge that in ANY way when talking to the kid or his dad. I would ONLY acknowledge the act as a threat, which is exactly what it was. Not that anyone gives a fish what I would do.

[NanceXToo]

:001_rolleyes: back atcha. No one has said that they think the OP thinks this was 'a joke'. All I was saying is that to acknowledge the incident as having been intended as a joke STILL minimizes the seriousness of the event. To acknowledge that 'he meant no harm' downplays the seriousness of what happened. I would NOT acknowledge that in ANY way when talking to the kid or his dad. I would ONLY acknowledge the act as a threat, which is exactly what it was. Not that anyone gives a fish what I would do.

 

I disagree. The OP does not have to go over there all like 'your son tried to kill my son!!!!'

 

It's FINE to say "Look, I know he was just playing around, but still!"

 

The kid's dad is a police officer, for crying out loud. He KNOWS that accidents happen while "playing around."

 

I really doubt the seriousness of the situation is going to be downplayed by anybody. And if it is, it's because the parties involved are idiots, not because the OP acknowledges that she knew it wasn't a real (aggressive) threat (which is not the same as saying her son wasn't threatened by the situation).

[bookfiend]

I've read the first three pages of posts and am jumping forward with a slightly different POV.

 

How close is the friendship? Can your son talk with the boy and let him know that he (the friend) needs to confess the situation to his father? This would go a long way toward building the character and maturity that is obviously lacking. It would also impact how I would feel about the two boys maintaining a friendship.

 

Additional thought: I would then expect the father to come to us with a plan of action for his home and apologies. If not, you will have to go to them. Grateful that YOUR son is safe. Also acknowledging that he had the maturity to bring this to you. Hopefully he will have the wisdom to understand you act in love on his behalf.

Edited November 12, 2010 by bookfiend

[DarcyB]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

I'm glad the chance to think over how to handle this has led you guys to a plan (which you've already said you were doing) that will work for you, and hopefully more will read with a caring heart before jumping.

 

I hope your son can come to terms with it, too. It's scary, even in pseudo-jest.

 

I was that kid, when I was 8. I'm still mortified that I took some neighborhood kids into my parents' closet to show them the rifle my Dad stored there. We picked it up and played with it a minute. Dad was mortified that I'd do it, mad at himself for thinking that it was well hidden, but we're all thankful it wasn't loaded and I had no idea where the shells were. I can't tell you how much I've prayed, since then, thankful that nothing more happened. I feel shame even now....so many years later, that I acted so casually about something so serious.

 

The only thing I'll add here, on top of the other issues, is that this may not be the first time the boy has done it, and I would be worried if any of the other friends know about the gun and where it's kept, and something that should be mentioned to the dad when you guys talk.

[Gwenhwyfar]

All I was saying is that to acknowledge the incident as having been intended as a joke STILL minimizes the seriousness of the event.

 

i don't get it. is the OP supposed to play a game of pretend? "ok let's just pretend that your friend was threatening you" ... ??

 

he wasn't. he did something stupid & potentially dangerous, yep ~ but his intentions were not to cause harm and i don't think it helps anything to pretend otherwise. what's wrong with just acknowledging the truth?

[Tammyla]

I wouldn't allow my ds to return to their home.

 

YES, REAL gun, LOADED.

 

His friend's father is a police officer. He decided that his son should have a gun for protection while he's at home. It's an individual decision. This post is NOT about the hot topic of guns, the right to own, the right of a TEEN to own, etc. I won't share my POV, but in this situation, obviously the kid is not responsible enough to own one.

 

My son got very angry and shoved the kid against a wall. I need to clarify how he did that while the kid had a gun. I was so shocked and horrified that I didn't think to ask this until right now as I type this out. I found out about this a couple of hours ago.

 

I told ds that I want to talk to the father. Dh told ds that he wants to talk to the father. But I know that if we do this, ds won't be forthcoming with information in the future. I've BTDT with oldest ds. I don't want to close the door of communication.

 

So I've told ds that he's to tell his friend to NEVER, EVER do this again, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. Ds said, "I know, it was REALLY stupid of him." We had the discussion of gun safety, and how accidents happen all the time. This is why ds was so upset, he knew an accident could have happened.

 

I'll talk more tomorrow. It was a stressful day today (more to come) and I knew I wasn't thinking clearly enough to be able to think logically. After some sleep, all will be well. He won't be going to the friend's house before we can talk again.

 

This is a biggie. Any tips? Advice? BTW, this is also the friend ds goes skateboarding with. Ds can NOT afford another concussion. I wish I could just keep him away. That won't work, either, as he has a few friends right in the general area.

[lionfamily1999]

:001_rolleyes: back atcha. No one has said that they think the OP thinks this was 'a joke'. All I was saying is that to acknowledge the incident as having been intended as a joke STILL minimizes the seriousness of the event. To acknowledge that 'he meant no harm' downplays the seriousness of what happened. I would NOT acknowledge that in ANY way when talking to the kid or his dad. I would ONLY acknowledge the act as a threat, which is exactly what it was. Not that anyone gives a fish what I would do.

Intent doesn't matter anymore?

 

I think if the OP were to lie or blow this out of proportion (by making it a threat rather than how it was intended) then she runs the risk of not being taken seriously at all.

I disagree. The OP does not have to go over there all like 'your son tried to kill my son!!!!'

 

It's FINE to say "Look, I know he was just playing around, but still!"

 

The kid's dad is a police officer, for crying out loud. He KNOWS that accidents happen while "playing around."

 

I really doubt the seriousness of the situation is going to be downplayed by anybody. And if it is, it's because the parties involved are idiots, not because the OP acknowledges that she knew it wasn't a real (aggressive) threat (which is not the same as saying her son wasn't threatened by the situation).

:iagree:

Oh knock it off. I know the seriousness of it and I've made it clear. It was a joke, it could have killed. I GET IT. It was a stupid kid acting immaturely. HE DOESN'T HAVE THE MATURITY TO HANDLE A GUN because he proved his immaturity. It was a joke IN HIS EYES. He wasn't threatening IN HIS EYES.

 

I AM NOT OK WITH IT.

 

Is that clear now?

:grouphug:

[secular_mom]

i don't get it. is the OP supposed to play a game of pretend? "ok let's just pretend that your friend was threatening you" ... ??

 

he wasn't. he did something stupid & potentially dangerous, yep ~ but his intentions were not to cause harm and i don't think it helps anything to pretend otherwise. what's wrong with just acknowledging the truth?

I don't understand what's so hard to get. No one is advocating a game of pretend. What's so hard to understand about the fact that someone pointing a loaded gun at someone is a threat?

I guess those that don't 'get it' won't 'get it'. I'm done here. I had already deleted the post above with a 'nevermind' before you quoted me because I realized that me being in this conversation is pretty much pointless. But then part of my post showed up in your quote so I felt like I 'should' respond.

[DaffodilDreams]

How very scary. I would be the parent who would not let my child (teen or not) visit that particular home again. And, yes, I think you have an obligation to other children and parents to inform this boy's dad.

 

When I was in high school, a guy in my school accidentally shot his best friend because he was being stupid with a gun at home. That was a horrible time - even for those of us not involved. I would do anything I could to prevent dd from ending up in a situation like that. This is one of those parenting decisions that may not be a popular choice with the child, but that needs to be put in place regardless. One day, he will understand and be thankful you chose his safety (and his life) over his preference. Your son's friend sounds unstable at worst, immature at best - neither of which I would want combined with access to a firearm.

[Whereneverever]

The fact that the other kid thought this was a joke is the best evidence that he is in no way ready to have access to a gun.

I think bringing up that he was joking is pertinent- but NOT in a way that minimizes the situation. It almost makes the situation worse. A loaded gun is never a toy. It is never a joke.

[lionfamily1999]

The fact that the other kid thought this was a joke is the best evidence that he is in no way ready to have access to a gun.

I think bringing up that he was joking is pertinent- but NOT in a way that minimizes the situation. It almost makes the situation worse. A loaded gun is never a toy. It is never a joke.

:iagree: It does make the situation worse, imo.

[secular_mom]

Intent doesn't matter anymore?

 

I think if the OP were to lie or blow this out of proportion (by making it a threat rather than how it was intended) then she runs the risk of not being taken seriously at all.

 

For crying out loud, the OP can not 'MAKE it a threat'- it was a threat. Raising your fist to someone is threatening to strike them whether you actually strike them or not. Grabbing a person by the neck is threatening to choke them whether you actually choke them or not. Pointing a gun at someone is threatening to shoot them, whether you actually shoot them or not- even if the gun is not loaded. It's really not rocket science folks. Weapon poised to harm someone is a threat.

[lionfamily1999]

For crying out loud, the OP can not 'MAKE it a threat'- it was a threat. Raising your fist to someone is threatening to strike them whether you actually strike them or not. Grabbing a person by the neck is threatening to choke them whether you actually choke them or not. Pointing a gun at someone is threatening to shoot them, whether you actually shoot them or not- even if the gun is not loaded. It's really not rocket science folks. Weapon poised to harm someone is a threat.

It was not meant as a threat. To make it sound like he was threatening, when he meant it as a joke makes the OP sound like she's stretching the truth. There is a HUGE difference between a kid putting a gun in another kid's face THREATENING to shoot him and some idiot kid playing with a gun. Both are threats, I agree with you in that, because the ultimate result could be the same, but the intent is different.

[fairfarmhand]

my word that is terrifying!!!

 

I have guns. I have a concealed carry permit and my kids have shot our guns. Around here, the guns are like part of the furniture. BUT THEY KNOW THAT THEY WILL NOT BE WORTH MUD IF THEY EVEN TOUCH A GUN WITHOUT MY DH OR I BEING PRESENT!

 

Many many gun owners are super picky about the handling of their weapons. It is not a joking matter when you point a gun at something or someone.

 

The fact that this kid could make a joke of something so serious proves that he is not mature enough to handle this huge responsibility.

 

Hopefully your have a good conversation with the dad. I hope it is resolved to you satisfaction. The way the father reacts would determine my reaction.

[kalanamak]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Sounds like handing the situation to dh is the right thing.

 

I had a friend whose 15 year old son died because he and his friend were goofing off with a gun. Great kid, loved life, gone, because of a stupid accident.

 

 

A friend's niece killed her brother is such an incident, and 4 days later hung herself. Sickening.

[Gwenhwyfar]

maybe this is all in how we view words differently.... to me, it's not a "threat" unless the person actually INTENDS it to be so...

 

example: dh was teasing me about something last night - i made a fist and waved in right in front of his nose and went "grrrrrr" at him. was i threatening him? no, because i had no INTENTION to harm him. i was joking. (and being a smartarse)

 

(before anyone says it: yes i know that a first and a gun are two different things, a gun is more dangerous, yada yada. it's just an example.)

 

so... with regards to the boy - he didn't INTEND to shoot anyone. in his mind (as far as we're aware with the info we've been given) he was teasing/joking/etc. was it ok? NO. is it dangerous? YES. does it need to be addressed? YES. (and the OP said it will be) did he *intend* any harm? NO. i don't see why acknowledging that is a terrible thing...

 

personally - i'm kinda glad the kid didn't actually WANT to hurt someone. we have enough people like that out there already.

 

i really think a lot of this back & forth with regards to the words "threat" and "joke" and such is just definitions.

 

nobody has said it was funny. ;)

[Denisemomof4]

did you read what she said?

 

in the eyes of the teenage boy - it was a joke. the boy was not standing over her son and threatening to kill him for looking at his girlfriend or something. the other boy made a very stupid & potentially dangerous decision when he decided to goof around with a loaded gun, yes, and the OP recognizes that. that, however, doesn't change the boy's INTENTIONS. that's what's being expressed.

 

i don't see why people aren't understanding this. the OP didn't say "ha! this kid waved a gun at my son and it was totally funny!" :001_rolleyes:

 

Thank you, Gwen. I hope you cleared it up for me. ;):001_smile:

 

I spoke with dh just a couple of minutes ago. He agrees, the father MUST be spoken to. He was already trying to remember the kid's last name. Dh has met him. Ds18 is on board, he can't believe the kid did something so stupid.

 

I already told dh that I don't want ds over there. We'll see what happens after the two dads talk. I need to first get ALL the details. I had some strong words for ds yesterday but I needed to take time to think about this before discussing further. I want to know how he was able to shove the kid into a wall while he was holding a loaded gun. We need to get to the bottom of this.

 

Thanks again!

[Murphy101]

I'd tell the father and that would be the end of that friendship.

 

It sucks that it might hurt your relationship with your skin.

 

Sucks less than a dead son though.

 

ETA: I get that they don't take it serious, think it's a joke. Kids never do.

[lionfamily1999]

maybe this is all in how we view words differently.... to me, it's not a "threat" unless the person actually INTENDS it to be so...

 

example: dh was teasing me about something last night - i made a fist and waved in right in front of his nose and went "grrrrrr" at him. was i threatening him? no, because i had no INTENTION to harm him. i was joking. (and being a smartarse)

 

(before anyone says it: yes i know that a first and a gun are two different things, a gun is more dangerous, yada yada. it's just an example.)

 

so... with regards to the boy - he didn't INTEND to shoot anyone. in his mind (as far as we're aware with the info we've been given) he was teasing/joking/etc. was it ok? NO. is it dangerous? YES. does it need to be addressed? YES. (and the OP said it will be) did he *intend* any harm? NO. i don't see why acknowledging that is a terrible thing...

 

personally - i'm kinda glad the kid didn't actually WANT to hurt someone. we have enough people like that out there already.

 

i really think a lot of this back & forth with regards to the words "threat" and "joke" and such is just definitions.

 

nobody has said it was funny. ;)

I'm thinking more along the lines of a child that picks up a knife and decides to pretend he is a knight. Is he actually threatening people? No, he's having fun. Is a child running around with a knife threatening? Well, yes, because he could accidentally cause great harm or even death.

 

I agree with everything you've written (are you surprsied :p). I was just saying that there was a 'threat' to the health and safety of both kids. However, that does NOT change the boy's intention, which was a joke.

 

And you're right, no one is laughing.

[Denisemomof4]

The only thing I'll add here, on top of the other issues, is that this may not be the first time the boy has done it, and I would be worried if any of the other friends know about the gun and where it's kept, and something that should be mentioned to the dad when you guys talk.

 

this is a good point. And as a pp said, because nothing happened this time, he'll probably do it again. We're going to be the ones to try to stop that.

 

Thank you!

[Dad 4 Boys]

The fact that the other kid thought this was a joke is the best evidence that he is in no way ready to have access to a gun.

I think bringing up that he was joking is pertinent- but NOT in a way that minimizes the situation. It almost makes the situation worse. A loaded gun is never a toy. It is never a joke.

 

Other than the description of the event itself, I think this comment sums up the whole situation.

 

A previous post addressed the impact this could have on others, especially the other friends in the group and their families. I would even suggest that the OP could be in a gray area legally if one of the other friends ended up getting hurt in another similar situation. I think it would be quite tempting for a lot of attorneys to go after the OP if a similar incident ended tragically, and it was discovered that the OP's incident went unaddressed or was addressed inappropriately. With the current state of our legal system, anything is in play.

 

I think the father being a police officer makes that much more difficult. I'm assuming that this incident happened in the jurisdiction of the father's department. If so, it will be a sticky situation for him that he'll most definitely try to defuse as quickly and easily as possible. I would definitely keep that in mind. That may help make the decision of whether you go directly to him or directly to the police. Do you have any police office friends, preferrably in another department, that you could give you some advice.

 

I know it sounds like something from TV or the movies, but police officers definitely look out for one another. I live next door to a police lieutenant and have heard stories from him. Now, most of these stories involved far less serious incidents like speeding, but the intent could possibly be there across the boards.

 

I grew up with guns and was taught to handle them with respect and care. I consider myself not pro-gun, but pro-responsible. Obviously, this was not responsible.

 

The Christian in me also considers the forgiveness aspect of this, and that's a tough one in this case.

 

You're in my prayers, and I wish you the best in dealing with this.

[HayesW]

Denise, I agree completely with you that this would be one for my husband to handle. I also think waiting to CALM DOWN is a good idea. I am so glad your son told you and that he is ok. What does he think of the situation? Was he scared or just mad at his friend? Teens have such a complex about living forever that sometimes they don't realize how dangerous a situation is.

[Denisemomof4]

The fact that the other kid thought this was a joke is the best evidence that he is in no way ready to have access to a gun.

I think bringing up that he was joking is pertinent- but NOT in a way that minimizes the situation. It almost makes the situation worse. A loaded gun is never a toy. It is never a joke.

 

I couldn't agree more. This kid showed that he is NOT mature enough to handle a gun. I hope the father comes to the same conclusion. Bringing up that he intended no harm will happen, but in the same breath, bringing up the fact that kids are killed that way all the time will be brought up, too. I also want to bring up the fact that he showed his irresponsibility for swinging around a gun in a manner which COULD have ended tragically for my son.

 

Dh will be handling this. I haven't decided whether or not I'll be present. I have the rest of the day to think about it. Ds will be home after school and won't be in any potential danger.

[Parrothead]

Hey Denise. :grouphug: I'm glad you boy is okay. Wow! :grouphug: You guys do what you think is right. IMHO your dh talking to the dad is a good approach.