I hate the modern-day inability to commit to plans!

[cathmom]

About a month ago, my dds asked me if they could plan a party and invite their friends from their dance school. They gave me a written proposal, and when I said yes, they wrote up invitations for all the guests. The guests have had 3 weeks of notice. Part of the plan, since our house can be difficult to find and is 30 minutes away from the dance school, was that I would drive our van to the school and pick up the guests and then bring them back later this afternoon. Their parents would only have to drop them off there and pick them up late this afternoon.

 

One of my dds and I went this morning. No one showed up, out of 4 or 5 possibilities. One dad did stop by to tell us that his dd had lost all her pictures for a project that was due Monday, so she had to find them or retake them all and couldn't come. It was really nice of them to stop by and let us know, and so it wasn't a total waste. Their three friends who live near us had arrived by the time we got back home, so it's not like no one is coming, but it's so annoying! My dds have planned and cooked and cleaned!

 

Anyway, just had to vent. I'm wondering if it's like this in Europe or if it's just Americans.

[ChristusG]

Oh yes....I cannot STAND this. No one RSVP's anymore, and if they do, it still doesn't mean anything. This is why homeschool groups that I observed never do well....no one can commit to anything. Not even for family gatherings! UGH! Drives me nuts.

[Danestress]

and then now show up? That's horrible!

[love2read]

We've seen the same thing many times over and no longer attempt to host parties. When I was in college a fellow student who was a mother told me about how they were supposed to have a birthday party for her little son that weekend, but no one showed up. She had seen some of the moms who said they were planning on coming and her son said the kids were excited. So this has been going on for at least 30 years, although I don't remember it happening as a child. Too many options and distractions in our society today.

[regentrude]

Too many options and distractions in our society today.

 

I do not think one can blame it on options and distractions. It is plain rude to not honor a prior commitment - unless a true emergency interferes. I see this as an issue of manners, not of busy schedules.

 

We had similar bad experiences while the kids were in ps, with birthday parties. People did not rsvp. I usually called all the moms the night before.

Now that we are hsing it is much better. Our hs group is area wide, many rural families who have to plan their travel , and the kids do not get to see each other so frequently. So if somebody says she will come, she will be there.

Btw, during my childhood in Germany this was never an issue. So I don't know whether this is cultural or not.

[In2why]

Strangely enough I find this more often in the homeschooling community. I don't know whether it is because people are always looking for the next best thing to come along, they want to keep their options open, or they are just so busy that they don't want to commit.

 

I haven't had pesonal experience but I see it constantly in our homeschool get togethers. People will RSVP and then just not show. It makes me reluctant to plan anything beyond our family.

[Carol in Cal.]

I agree--it's awful. How can anyone plan like this?

 

It's not just people not showing up, either. It's people announcing that they will bring uninvited guests. Now, if you're in a situation with a houseguest, and you call to say that you have an out of town visitor and therefore will not be able to make it, it's just plain nice if the host says, "Oh by all means bring him, too! We would love to meet him!" But if you're invited to a baby shower, and it's all adults, and even the older sisters of the baby are not coming, because it's a small, breakable item intensive space, you do not, I repeat DO NOT, call the hostess and INFORM her that you are bringing your daughter as well. Just not done.

[Faithr]

This happened to me when my dd was in 1st grade in the public school. She wanted to give a tea party. So we invited all the girls from her class. Some rsvp'd to say they couldn't come but most didn't respond at all. In the end only two girls that she was friends with from our neighborhood showed. So it isn't just the homeschool world though I do get awfully annoyed at the number of no shows I've encountered over the years from homeschoolers. This just happened a Friday ago. A woman in our group had planned a field trip to the art gallery and about 1/2 of those who said they were coming didn't show up. The art gallery had gotten two docents for us but it turned out we only needed one. The docents said it happened all the time with homeschoolers. Doesn't make a very good impression, I must say.

[cathmom]

and then now show up? That's horrible!

 

It's all much more nebulous than that - "I don't know what's going on" "I'll call you" (and then they never do) "I think I'm coming..."

 

I'm not sure if anyone who said a definitive yes didn't show up, because my dds talked to them, not me. I'm not sure that anyone said a definitive yes or no either!

[Gooblink]

I do not think one can blame it on options and distractions. It is plain rude to not honor a prior commitment - unless a true emergency interferes. I see this as an issue of manners, not of busy schedules.

 

 

 

:iagree: We're all busy, that shouldn't excuse rude behavior.

[katemary63]

This is such a difficult problem! And yes, it IS rude to say your coming and not show up or even to avoid giving a definitive answer. I've had this problem, but I'm not to the point of giving up on parties for my DD. I think next time, I will simply call each parent the night before and tell them I need to know for sure because I am buying each child a gift bag. If I get a verbal yes, on the phone, from a parent, the night before, I can't imagine them not showing up! Can I?? I guess I'll find out in March, my DD's 10th birthday and she's getting a party since we didn't do one last year. I'm hopeful.

[Mejane]

Don't get me started. :glare:

 

Every year we buy tickets for family to watch our kids in Nutcracker. They are $35-45 a pop, and we go back and forth for weeks to determine who's coming so we know how many tickets to buy. Invariably, at least two will call at the last minute to say they can't make it and we get stuck with extra tickets. It's hubby's family so I can't tell him not to do it. If it were my family, they'd buy their own bloody tickets.

[hsmom]

I also hate this.

 

This happened to my daughter on Halloween, well the Friday before. There was suppose to be 12 girls and each one was bringing 1 or 2 of their friends. All of them RSVP!!! Only one showed up after my daughter called and asked if she was coming. She showed up and stayed 20 min. then said well no one is coming I am leaving now.

 

My heart broke for her!

[NanceXToo]

I know, I can't stand it either. I always have SUCH a hard time getting people to RSVP for my kids' parties. They don't answer, they say "maybe" leaving us wondering and then we have to hunt them down last minute before shopping to find out "well is that a yes or a no?" Sometimes they say yes then cancel, it's SUCH a PITA!

 

Most recently for Alexa's 10th birthday last month, I thought that I'd do an evite instead of a paper invitation, that perhaps people would be more likely to RSVP if all they have to do is read their email and then click a button online, but even with that, there were still a couple of people who never bothered answering and/or waited til incredibly last minute.

[Gwenhwyfar]

But if you're invited to a baby shower, and it's all adults, and even the older sisters of the baby are not coming, because it's a small, breakable item intensive space, you do not, I repeat DO NOT, call the hostess and INFORM her that you are bringing your daughter as well. Just not done.

 

the flipside of that, though, is calling and cancelling because you have nobody to watch your kiddo ~ then you're on THAT list. :p

[NorthwestMom]

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. It is just basic courtesy, and we all know how it feels to extend an invitation and wonder if the invitees will come, so WHY do people do this?

 

We once went to a McDonald's birthday party where only 3 of the invited 15 kids showed up. It was brutal to see the empty places set at the table.

Edited November 6, 2010 by NorthwestMom

[NorthwestMom]

My personal policy is to RSVP as soon as I get the invitation - either my calendar is clear, or it is not. If something "better" comes along after I committed - too bad. If we accepted an invitation, we gratefully go.

[mazakaal]

It's not just America. I deal with the same thing here in England. And yes, it's VERY frustrating.

[justamouse]

I, agree, it's rude, but I also think it's because people are just exhausted. It's not like once a month on the weekend we (would) have an obligation-it's every weekend. people are just tapped out.

[justasque]

Every year we buy tickets for family to watch our kids in Nutcracker. They are $35-45 a pop, and we go back and forth for weeks to determine who's coming so we know how many tickets to buy. Invariably, at least two will call at the last minute to say they can't make it and we get stuck with extra tickets. It's hubby's family so I can't tell him not to do it. If it were my family, they'd buy their own bloody tickets.

 

Do they know how much the tix cost? When my dd was in Nutcracker, we invited my MIL & FIL and bought their tix. Somehow the cost came up in conversation, and MIL said "so it's about $10, right?" Um, no, more like $35-40. So your relatives might think you're only out $20 for two people (which frankly is bad enough), when really it's more like $80. Also, we're so used to returning stuff to stores, people who don't go to the theater might not get that the tix are not refundable.

 

I know it won't solve the problem, but maybe make a point to let slip the cost this year, and once someone's backed out one year, make sure to give them an "out" the next year so they don't feel forced to say yes. "I know ballet's not your thing, so it would be nice if you want to come, but we will understand if you're busy that time of year. I'm ordering the tix on Thursday, if you get back to me before then I'll get you a ticket, if not I'll assume you don't want to go." Of course, don't order the tix until the following Monday, because inevitably they'll call on Friday saying they in fact do want tickets.... :glare:

 

(I have bought about 600 theater tickets this year, and have done so for many years - I organize hsing field trips - so I feel your pain! At the same time, I love having all our friends at a show, and I know I'm not perfect either, so I do try to work with people. Of course, it's so much easier when they are paying and not you!)

[Mejane]

Do they know how much the tix cost?

 

They know. They will ask us to see if we can find someone to buy their tickets last minute (like that morning), or tell us they will split the cost with us (huh?), but usually we just eat it.

 

I always make sure everyone knows there's absolutely. no. obligation. really. don't. come. if. you. don't. want. to. ;), but they will insist they want to, then not show up. I'm so over it. Sorry you're going through the same.

[Gratia271]

I do not think one can blame it on options and distractions. It is plain rude to not honor a prior commitment - unless a true emergency interferes. I see this as an issue of manners, not of busy schedules.

:iagree:

[justasque]

I, agree, it's rude, but I also think it's because people are just exhausted. It's not like once a month on the weekend we (would) have an obligation-it's every weekend. people are just tapped out.

 

I agree. If you have several kids, and they're involved in a ton of stuff, and your dh works long hours, it's hard to know what a day is going to look like in advance, even though I keep a detailed calendar - yes, we already have quite a bit scheduled for next MAY!

 

My ds is doing some theater, an hour's round trip away. They practice on weekdays. Some days they are done at 4:30, other days it could be 6:00. Add in rush hour. So I could be busy driving anywhere from 3:45-6:45 - I just won't know until the time comes. Sometimes I give a ride to another kid or two - again, I won't know until the time comes, and it adds another 20 minutes to the trip home.

 

If someone asks if my dd can be somewhere during that time slot, the best I can do is a "maybe". So I suppose it should be a "no", but then I'd be "no"ing everything, and the fact is that we can usually make it work.

 

The theater director told ds a day or two ago that there is rehearsal on Sunday, from 12-6. Hello? Would have been nice to know that weeks ago. So we juggle and reshuffle and reassign driving and make it work.

 

We typically have at least two and often three scheduled things on any given weeknight; the weekends are just as bad. Add in driving to get the college boy for breaks, hubby traveling for work, helping out the grandparents, etc. - it's always a juggle.

 

I try to extend grace to those who are late responding to me, in the hopes that they'll return the grace when it's me who drops the ball.

 

ETA: The key, though, is communication. I do try to let the host know if our participation is iffy, and to follow up with a phone call if we are running late or whatever. I hope I've never just not shown up at a birthday party! What a shame for the poor birthday kiddo!

Edited November 6, 2010 by askPauline

[justasque]

They will ask us to see if we can find someone to buy their tickets last minute (like that morning)...

 

This Drives Me INSANE!!!! Like you have nothing better to do on Nutcracker morning besides, you know, creating the perfect hairstyle, making sure the shoes got back in the bag after class, packing a meal that won't destroy the costumes, driving your kiddos to the theater way earlier than you as an audience member have to be there, volunteering backstage, going to the laundromat to dry the under-leo that got washed the night before but not dried before the power went out - well OK that last one only happened to us once, but it's always something! :)

 

Now I'm off to buy mini-marshmallows for 25 kids - or maybe twice that - to build marshmallow-and-toothpick towers with. We'll have to dry them out first, so no returning them if we don't use them and no running out to get more at the last minute. At $1 a bag, we'll need 13, or 26, or, or, or... Did I mention the eggs at two per person?

Edited November 6, 2010 by askPauline

[Mejane]

This Drives Me INSANE!!!! Like you have nothing better to do on Nutcracker morning besides, you know, creating the perfect hairstyle, making sure the shoes got back in the bag after class, packing a meal that won't destroy the costumes, driving your kiddos to the theater way earlier than you as an audience member have to be there, volunteering backstage...

 

Exactly! Thank you! :willy_nilly:

[FriedClams]

If you cant make it or are generally too overscheduled than RSVP "no". If you RSVP "yes" then show up. Real emergencies ate ok. Real ones. Not just bad planning. Can you tell i loathe this too.

[catz]

Honestly, my homeschool friends seem MUCH worse about this kind of thing. It drives me out of my mind. I've gotten to the point where I don't commit to homeschool events based on the other families participating. I only sign up if it something we absolutely would do on our own because half the time it seems to end up that way.

 

I'd much prefer a solid NO to a flaky yes any day of the week!

[girligirlmom]

How old are your girls? I do wonder if it's possible that your children are talking to their friends but not the parents. The friends do want to come, but these girls don't clear it with their parents at all or until the last minute and the parents may have had other plans already. So might it be a matter of poor communication on your daughter's friends behalf but it could be the adults. I still think it is rude on either the girls or the parent's part if they know and don't respond.

 

I learned Matthew 5:37 as a child:

Let your 'Yes' mean 'Yes,' and your 'No' mean 'No.' Anything more is from the evil one.

Granted it's out of context but the idea is the same.

 

When we use to have birthday parties every year for each child, I would invite the whole family and set a firm RSVP date, then end up calling 30-50% of the people.

 

I do think when my children were younger that the whole family invite made it easier, either they are all coming or they are not. I do know it was hard when each of my friend's children had a different party or sport or other activity to do on the same day. Snce the parents were usually friends of mine, they would let me know and we or another mutual friend could help them out.

 

We haven't had birthday parties where my kids invite several other friends on their own. It's been more of a pick one friend and we will do something special or just our family does something special.

 

I also find the same thing in our homeschool group & Cub Scout (which is not mainly homeschoolers) so I run trips with cash in advance only. If you don't show you lose your money. I request cell phone numbers in advance upon registration and also send out messages that if you can't make it you must call so I can give your slot to someone on the waiting list. I also state that we represent homeschoolers and if we have no-shows (more often on free trips) then the location may not be willing to book other homeschool groups or us again in the future. Free trips are the worst! It's embarrassing to be the organizer and have the host ask if we are ready to start and I wonder where half the people are!

Edited November 6, 2010 by girligirlmom

[lionfamily1999]

This is why, if maybe is not an option, I say no.

 

There's seldom a day goes by without having at least one thing pop up out of nowhere.

 

I'm sorry your dd's party wasn't as full as hoped for :grouphug: We stopped planning parties with friends for this reason too.

 

 

 

Although, we're having a 'get together' tonight from midnight to midnight to celebrate Daylight Savings! :lol: Dh decided, invited his buddies and told them, at the stroke of midnight we let you in, at the stroke of midnight we kick you out :D

[cathmom]

How old are your girls? I do wonder if it's possible that your children are talking to their friends but not the parents. The friends do want to come, but these girls don't clear it with their parents at all or until the last minute and the parents may have had other plans already. So might it be a matter of poor communication on your daughter's friends behalf but it could be the adults. I still think it is rude on either the girls or the parent's part if they know and don't respond.

 

 

 

The invitees were all middle school/high school age.

[lionfamily1999]

The invitees were all middle school/high school age.

It is very possible, if you didn't actually hear from the parents, that they never even knew.

[regentrude]

I, agree, it's rude, but I also think it's because people are just exhausted. It's not like once a month on the weekend we (would) have an obligation-it's every weekend. people are just tapped out.

 

Well, then they should thank and decline the invitation. What's so hard about that?

[cindergretta]

I'm sorry this happened to your dds. We no longer have parties for this very reason.

 

I know people are busy. I have 6 dc, 5 of whom are knee-deep in music, sports, Scouts, friends, etc. It is crazy hectic and my dh works 6 days a week a LOT. (Thank God for that!!!) Anyway, we let people know "yes" or "no." And then we do what we have to in order to honor our obligation. If I don't think I can swing it, I decline. Why leave people hanging? There have been rare times when I have declined an invite only to end up available. A quick call to the hostess *always* meant being included. :001_smile:

 

I don't recall who said it, but YES! ITA!! "A sound 'no' over a flaky 'yes' ANYDAY!!"

[myfunnybunch]

my dds talked to them, not me. I'm not sure that anyone said a definitive yes or no either!

 

I'm not excusing anyone, because we've had rsvp problems in the past, including my dd's 8th bday party where 6 kids RSVPed and 23 showed.

 

And I've found that this has been a challenge as my daughters made the transition from mom making plans for them to inviting people themselves. Daughters talk to their friends who can't quite rsvp for themselves without checking with parents first....the girls forget, or they say yes then their parents have other plans, or they say yes and forget to tell the parents who then aren't available when their dd says, "Time to take me to so-and-so's party!", or the parents say they'll check the calendar when they get home and everyone forgets....

 

I found that about the age that all of my dd's friends had their own cell phones, planning and RSVPing got way easier again!

 

Cat

[Garga]

This has not happened to me.

 

Every child I've invited to a party has rsvp'd and has shown up. (I give out paper invitations.) And some of the parties have been BIG.

 

As far as I know, the majority of everyone who says they'll be at a homeschool event has shown up, but we haven't done a lot of events lately, so maybe it's different now. We always seemed to have a huge group for the field trips we went to in the past.

 

 

I've read threads like this before, and I get nervous when I plan something, but everyone tends to show up.

 

WAIT! I just remembered! When my dh turned 40 and we had a party, only about 2/3 the people showed up. A third of them just didn't show. So, it HAS happened to me! I'd forgotten.

 

But it hasn't happened with kid events. Maybe my kids are still too little and all the crazy-running hasn't started yet. (They're 5 and 8.)

[justamouse]

Well, then they should thank and decline the invitation. What's so hard about that?

 

I don't disagree. I'm just saying, that's what I see here.

[MariannNOVA]

Our grand-daughter had her 7th birthday party two weeks ago. My daughter invited 30 children (from school, dancing school, little cousins, etc). When we arrived, dd told me that 10 moms had responded yes and she had emailed and left voice mails for the others and had not heard a thing.

 

There were 23 kids at the party - not including my three and the birthday girl and her little sister who is 4.

 

DD was nice but asked the moms who had not responded when they showed up: 'I'm so glad you are here -- Did I miss your RSVP b/c I wasn't sure if you would be here or not?' The response invariably (b/c I'm nosy and I want to hear these things) was: 'Oh! The invitation has been sitting on the fridge, I just never got around to rsvp-ing.' The 2nd most heard response was: 'Janie told Allison she would be there.' Janie is in first grade as is Allison.:glare: 'Didn't Allison tell you?':001_huh:

 

Don't want to stir up a hornet's nest here, but I think that the lack of rsvp-ing or saying yes and not showing up is bad manners and inconsiderate. I rank it with not receiving a thank you note when one should be sent.

[Murmer]

I hate this kind of thing...grrr...I don't understand how people can't look at a calendar and know, its like they are waiting for a better offer.

 

I have an adoption event I have been planning since Aug. The date has been known since Aug. Emails have been sent...since Aug and monthly. It is on our organization blog, since Aug. It involves food so I have asked people to RSVP. I have had 1 family tell me they are coming...1. I have to drive over 2 hours to get there plus purchase food...for 1 family. If that 1 family actually shows up which is iffy too...Over 30 people were invited and no one could respond to whether or not they could make it...grrrr.

 

I really think it is the way society has evolved that basic respect and responsibility no longer matter and everyone is just waiting for the 1 better.

[littlebug42]

I am so sorry you had this problem. I just had a bday party for my girls today and I was so scared what would happen. I had 14 RSVPs of girls that were coming and that is exactly what we had. I did have about 5 people that chose not to respond one way or the other and I was worried that someone would show up but no one came that didn't tell me they were coming. The girls had a lovely party.

 

I do find with a lot of homeschool outings though that many people don't just show up. We have never been part of the ps world so I don't have any experience there.

[Murphy101]

It is very possible, if you didn't actually hear from the parents, that they never even knew.

 

This. It drives me batty when people use kids for communication with parents. If YOU want ME to know something, then make sure YOU communicate with ME in some direct manner. Please. Otherwise, I refuse to be held accountable for information that has never been given to me.

 

I hate this kind of thing...grrr...I don't understand how people can't look at a calendar and know, its like they are waiting for a better offer.

 

I am constantly mentally and sometimes even out loud saying in the privacy of my home, "Its not that hard! Buy a freaking calendar and look at the dang thing people!":tongue_smilie:

 

And yes, many times they ARE just keeping options open for better offers. I've had people call in the hopes I would reschedule because something else came up they would rather do. I used to try to accommodate, bc really I did want to be nice and I invited them bc I wanted them there, kwim?

 

But now. Nope. I have a use it or lose it mentality and my own very busy schedule. Why should I have to rearrange my calendar because they don't know how to use one or simply don't care enough to show up? If they still want to do it, fine. But after they cancel, it's up to them to reschedule, not me.

 

And it astound me how many people wake up without a clue what they are doing that day and spend every day just doing whatever pops up next with no planning ahead at all. They live life on the fly every day. Sometimes I think that's nice, but I. Cannot. Live. Like. That.

[Ellie]

I do not think one can blame it on options and distractions. It is plain rude to not honor a prior commitment - unless a true emergency interferes. I see this as an issue of manners, not of busy schedules.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Mom0012]

Don't get me started. :glare:

 

Every year we buy tickets for family to watch our kids in Nutcracker. They are $35-45 a pop, and we go back and forth for weeks to determine who's coming so we know how many tickets to buy. Invariably, at least two will call at the last minute to say they can't make it and we get stuck with extra tickets. It's hubby's family so I can't tell him not to do it. If it were my family, they'd buy their own bloody tickets.

 

I go through this exact thing with my in-laws every year too! I will never buy them another ticket again after the last time! I will notify them of the performances she will be in and if they want a ticket, they can buy their own.

 

Lisa

[Happy2BaMom]

Just another "yep, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about".

 

I had two out of twelve RSVP for my 5-yr-old's bday party. Everyone showed (for which I was grateful, for my daughter's sake).

 

My son's party is in one week. I have had one RSVP out of twelve. Yes, there is still time, but I'm not holding my breath. The only thing that has me hopeful is that it is a desirable bday party for 8-year-old boys: obstacle course and swim party at the local club, and parents will drop the boys off for those two hours.

 

But in my experience, the RSVP is dead. I hate it. And I agree it is just plain selfish and inconsiderate. Kinda like our society these days, IMHO.

[Mom0012]

I've been fortunate with my kids' birthday parties but I think it's because I am friends or, at a minimum, a "strong acquaintance" with all these kids' parents. I've never had anyone not RSVP and I've never had anyone not show that said they would to a birthday party.

 

On the other hand, homeschool field trips are a whole different affair. I scheduled an event this last Friday that 80 people RSVPed for and then I stopped taking names but told everyone else who contacted me that they were free to come. Easily, over 100 people told me they would come. On the day of the event, 3 large families notified me that they were "just too busy to come" (as if that's a reasonable excuse) and many others just never showed. We still had 60 people there, but there should have been 100.

 

I won't plan trips anymore that involve tour guides because I find it too embarassing to only show up with half the number I say we'll have. The thing that really amazes me, is it's always the same old, "we're behind with our schoolwork", or "we're just so busy". I mean, honestly, so am I, but I made a committment, so guess what? I'll be there.

 

Lisa

[Trish]

Not excusing the behavior, or anything, but they DID RSVP and then didn't show? or didn't, and you assumed they'd come? In any case, if it involved picking people up at a specific location I guess I would've done a "Reverse RSVP" and just called the night before "to confirm the headcount."

 

Even then it's no guarantee!

[cindergretta]

The thing that really amazes me, is it's always the same old, "we're behind with our schoolwork", or "we're just so busy". I mean, honestly, so am I, but I made a committment, so guess what? I'll be there.

 

Lisa

 

We get this a lot. ::sigh:: My favorite - "Oh! We can't come. We need to get our house cleaned up." :001_huh: It has happened to us *so* many times, that my dc have actually told me, "Wow mom, you never make us miss something for cleaning." And our house is clean! It isn't as if we live in a sty and go play. But if I have made plans (either personally or for my dc) I am not going to back out b/c now we need to clean up. Whateva!

[catz]

I won't plan trips anymore that involve tour guides because I find it too embarassing to only show up with half the number I say we'll have. The thing that really amazes me, is it's always the same old, "we're behind with our schoolwork", or "we're just so busy". I mean, honestly, so am I, but I made a committment, so guess what? I'll be there.

 

Lisa

 

Exactly! If we make a commitment, we will be there. Even if that means a day of school work is thrown out and we have to do homework over the weekend. Even if we're all in dirty clothes and I'm on my 4th cup of coffee. It is mortifying for an organizer to have no shows and kids get excited about seeing each other. I've gotten to the point where I don't even bother to tell my kids who they "might" see this week. It's always a surprise. It is heart breaking when my kids talk about seeing a family for a week and then they don't show. Not to mention, I like to have another adult to chat with.

 

I won't organize anything anymore that requires hard numbers and usually just for very small groups.

[Murphy101]

Now the real question to me Lisa and KCK is whether you ever invite those people again?

 

I gotta say that sounds like a lame excuse. Kind of like telling a guy you can't go out because you have to wash your hair, kwim?

 

To ME, I take that kind of response as a not interested in you for whatever reason and I drop contact. If I'm wrong, they have my number and they can invite me next time, but I've tossed the ball into their court and they just let it land and walked off. If they change their mind, they are going to have to make the effort to pick it up and send it back.

[lionfamily1999]

This. It drives me batty when people use kids for communication with parents. If YOU want ME to know something, then make sure YOU communicate with ME in some direct manner. Please. Otherwise, I refuse to be held accountable for information that has never been given to me.

 

I agree completely!

I am constantly mentally and sometimes even out loud saying in the privacy of my home, "Its not that hard! Buy a freaking calendar and look at the dang thing people!":tongue_smilie:

 

And yes, many times they ARE just keeping options open for better offers. I've had people call in the hopes I would reschedule because something else came up they would rather do. I used to try to accommodate, bc really I did want to be nice and I invited them bc I wanted them there, kwim?

 

But now. Nope. I have a use it or lose it mentality and my own very busy schedule. Why should I have to rearrange my calendar because they don't know how to use one or simply don't care enough to show up? If they still want to do it, fine. But after they cancel, it's up to them to reschedule, not me.

 

And it astound me how many people wake up without a clue what they are doing that day and spend every day just doing whatever pops up next with no planning ahead at all. They live life on the fly every day. Sometimes I think that's nice, but I. Cannot. Live. Like. That.

I try to plan. It's just that I have too many people that rely on me. I know, it sounds like a lame excuse, but neither of my parents can drive at this point. That alone causes at least one surprise necessary trip every other day. I know I could tell them to blow off, but they're my parents, they're both sick and I simply refuse to do that to them. Beyond that, there's my husband (who comes up with some of the most random requests at the worst times possible), and my church (normally they just need me to clean something :p ).

 

I don't LIKE to fly by the seat of pants, but planning only works if you can get the whole gang in on it. In my case, I have too many people that have too many things come up.

Now the real question to me Lisa and KCK is whether you ever invite those people again?

 

I gotta say that sounds like a lame excuse. Kind of like telling a guy you can't go out because you have to wash your hair, kwim?

 

To ME, I take that kind of response as a not interested in you for whatever reason and I drop contact. If I'm wrong, they have my number and they can invite me next time, but I've tossed the ball into their court and they just let it land and walked off. If they change their mind, they are going to have to make the effort to pick it up and send it back.

:( I've said both at different times, and meant them. Sometimes I just have to draw a line and say, "Look, I have things that absolutely must be done. I'm sorry you got the bad end of the deal, I really am, but I cannot put (whatever) off any longer."

 

But then, I don't accept an invitation unless "maybe" is an option. Otherwise, I just say no, because I really can't be sure I'll make it.

[Mom0012]

Now the real question to me Lisa and KCK is whether you ever invite those people again?

 

I gotta say that sounds like a lame excuse. Kind of like telling a guy you can't go out because you have to wash your hair, kwim?

 

To ME, I take that kind of response as a not interested in you for whatever reason and I drop contact. If I'm wrong, they have my number and they can invite me next time, but I've tossed the ball into their court and they just let it land and walked off. If they change their mind, they are going to have to make the effort to pick it up and send it back.

 

Well, I belong to a field trip group, so I don't really have a choice about who I invite. Each person is supposed to set up one field trip a year and it is usually just for the people in that group. The last event I did was a little unusual in that it was in a large enough place that I opened it up to the general homeschool population in our area through a newsletter that goes out. The 3 families that backed out at the last minute were all from our group. And, really, those are only the ones that bothered to let me know they weren't coming. There were many others that didn't show but didn't even tell me they weren't coming.

 

So, yes, I do wind up inviting those same people. And I know the same thing will happen each time and that's why I won't do anything that involves a tour guide or too much in the way of special arrangements on behalf of our group anymore.

 

Lisa

Edited November 6, 2010 by LisaTheresa