Parents of twins and more - a question?

[aggieamy]

Some brief background before the main question. DH and I are doing IVF right now and in a week (YEA!) we'll need to decide how many embryos to implant. Due to a number of factors we have a high likelyhood of sucess, about 65%. These odds are increased if we do two embryos instead of one but not dramatically. However, our odds of having twins also increases if we do two embryos. Neither my DH or I are friends with anyone that has twins so we are looking for advice from you guys.

 

If you had twins (or other multiples) what are some of the challenges you face daily? Could you breastfeed? Is it twice as much work as one newborn or more or less?

 

If you could do it again and have your twins as seperates a year or two apart would you choose to do that instead?

 

Any and all information is helpful to us in making this decision. We do want more than one child so that part isn't scaring us off the part where we hear stories of people not leaving thier houses for a year after their twins are born is what's scaring us.

 

Thanks.

[Caitilin]

Some brief background before the main question. DH and I are doing IVF right now and in a week (YEA!) we'll need to decide how many embryos to implant. Due to a number of factors we have a high likelyhood of sucess, about 65%. These odds are increased if we do two embryos instead of one but not dramatically. However, our odds of having twins also increases if we do two embryos. Neither my DH or I are friends with anyone that has twins so we are looking for advice from you guys.

 

If you had twins (or other multiples) what are some of the challenges you face daily? Could you breastfeed? Is it twice as much work as one newborn or more or less? If I had had more info (I was very young) and more support from the hospital staff, I think I could have exclusively nursed. I did nurse both twins, but never exclusively, and only for 3 months. As I had them first, I didn't know how much work it was, but looking back, I would say it's twice as much work for the first 3 months, 1.5 times as much work for months 3-6, and then half as much work after that. :) Now, mine were totally healthy, no issues at all, and they slept thru the night at 3 months. And they have been from the get go, and continue to be, extremely pleasant, well-behaved, patient, delightful children.

 

If you could do it again and have your twins as seperates a year or two apart would you choose to do that instead? Not me! I had my next 3 kids 20 months apart, and it was much harder. I would say that twins are easier over the long term than close-in-age singletons.

 

Any and all information is helpful to us in making this decision. We do want more than one child so that part isn't scaring us off the part where we hear stories of people not leaving thier houses for a year after their twins are born is what's scaring us.

 

Thanks.

Good luck! It will be great, however it turns out.:grouphug:

[shannatheshedevil]

I have a friend who exclusively breastfeeds her twins. She says the most important thing is to get them on the same schedule, otherwise, you start feeling like a dairy cow. She nurses them both at the same time and tries to make them nap at the same time. If one wakes up to nurse, she wakes the other up. It has worked really well.

[Jennifer in MI]

I'm not a mom of multiples, but I have a friend who exclusively breastfed triplets!!! So, yes, twins can be done.

 

Good luck!!!!

[Melinda in VT]

I have a friend who exclusively breastfeeds her twins. She says the most important thing is to get them on the same schedule, otherwise, you start feeling like a dairy cow. She nurses them both at the same time and tries to make them nap at the same time. If one wakes up to nurse, she wakes the other up. It has worked really well.

 

I was never able to do this. My twins were just like my singletons--not easily scheduled. They also refused to stay latched on if they could see or touch the other baby.

[Caitilin]

I have a friend who exclusively breastfeeds her twins. She says the most important thing is to get them on the same schedule, otherwise, you start feeling like a dairy cow. She nurses them both at the same time and tries to make them nap at the same time. If one wakes up to nurse, she wakes the other up. It has worked really well.

 

I know people do this, and I tried, but oh my goodness--I would never, never wake one up to feed just 'cause the other woke up. Then I would never have slept at all! I think this is just one of those "every family is different" things. :)

[Parrothead]

Any and all information is helpful to us in making this decision. We do want more than one child so that part isn't scaring us off the part where we hear stories of people not leaving thier houses for a year after their twins are born is what's scaring us.

 

Thanks.

Wow. I've never heard that simply because one has given birth to twins. I have heard of the mothers that do not leave the house with baby because of fear of baby contracting some illness.

 

I can't imagine why it would happen unless the babies were sick. I've got a friend with identicals. Since she has three older children not leaving the house was not an option. The olders had to get to activities and doctor appointments. Scheduling was often creative trying to get five kids to one place.

 

I imagine you'd want a double stroller and a schedule in place.

 

(You'll have to take everything I said with a grain of salt since I've only one kid and am not a real parent because of it. :D)

[AuntieM]

Well, I can only speak from my experience, so YMMV. Also, I had twins for my second pregnancy. I had a first, single baby to break in my mothering skills. I think you will get much different answers from those who had twins as their first children, because that is a steeper learning curve.

 

My perspective is from one who gave birth to healthy, full term twins (weighing 6#1oz and 7#8oz). We had no preemie-related issues. I had a C-section on the first day of my 39th week. I have fraternal, b/g twins that are now young teens.

 

I attempted to nurse, but on day 3 switched to bottles. This was not due to the babies or the twin factor; I was also unsuccessful at nursing my firstborn. I am easily stressed and just couldn't do it. I do know of many women who were very successful at nursing their twins. It is possible.

 

When they were babies, I found that they were perhaps 150% as much work as a single baby. Mom's sleep deprivation was the biggest issue, especially for about a 10-day period when one babe got her days & nights mixed up. I did have them on a feeding schedule right from the get-go, and they began sleeping through the night (appx 11pm-5:30am) at about 6 weeks of age.

 

As babies, you just have to be able to tolerate a lot more crying. They are just being babies, but it is noisy times two! It was good for my then-2.5yo to have some play days with friends every now and then just to get a break from babyville. He *loved*loved*loved* those babies, though! (Still does ;)).

 

Everyone I've known with twins says that age 2 is the hardest. Mine challenged me at about age 3. They seemed to be constantly testing me. If I told one to stop jumping on the sofa, the other would get on the sofa and start jumping, I think just to see if the same rules applied across the board! At that age I really had to keep an eye on them. When you have multiples, together they have an increased capacity for problem-solving... and mischief-making!

 

You'll have more laundry. You'll have a higher grocery and diaper bill. You'll have more doctor visits. As they get older, you may find they are competitive and not on the same page with what curriculum works best, even though they are in the same grade. You may find yourself running like crazy in different directions because their extracurricular interests are poles apart. But these are things you would face with non-twin siblings anyway.

 

You will have friends for life. My two know each other inside & out. They can finish one another's sentences. Only half a joke needs to be told before the other starts laughing. If one starts singing a made-up tune, the other joins in (that one is kind of weird, they seem to intuitively know the other's melody...fascinating to watch/hear). They are like an old married couple: they know each other well, but also know exactly which buttons to push when arguing. Best part, they really have each other's back. Older brother has been witness to one getting ribbed and the other totally and immediately rising to his/her defense. I will not have to worry about these two when I am gone, they will always take care of each other.

 

Life will be hectic if you have multiples. But life is hectic anyway, is it not? I had lots of great help from my church friends, they made those first weeks much easier. I do know some people of the "didn't leave my house for a year" variety, and I will say all of those (that I knew personally, both friends and Mothers of Twins club members) were first-time parents in addition to having multiples, and many of those babies came early and were susceptible to respiratory ailments, so they were home for a reason. I was out and about within about 6 weeks with my flock of three. Was it easy? No. Was it doable? Totally. Much depends on your personality and that of your children.

 

It's a lot of work, but that is far outweighed by the multiple blessings! My best advice to you (outside of establishing a regular routine, which you may or may not be a fan of) is to invest in a great vitamin regimen and a good pair of sneakers!

[Jilly]

One thing to think about is the pregnancy because there can be more complications with twins. My pregnancy was hard. At 23 weeks I went into pre-term labor and was on bed rest for the next three months. The twins were born at 35 weeks with only a few minor problems, and they went home with me from the hospital. The first six months were difficult. They hardly slept, and I was always tired.

 

Everyhting got better around six months, and by the time they were a year I felt they were easy. By eighteen months they were playing with each other constantly, and it was great. Eleven years later they are still close and hang out together often.

 

My younger son needs much more from me and has since he was little. I have often thought it would have been much easier if he had been a twin. :)

[Remudamom]

I couldn't nurse my triplets. I pumped for six weeks and fed them with bottles.

 

If you have any doubt at all as to your ability to survive twins then you shouldn't risk having them.

[simka2]

I wasn't able to nurse them because one twin wouldn't latch correctly. I didn't feel comfortable nursing one and not the other as it is a HUGE bonding issue for me. That said, milk production isn't difficult for me so I pumped for about 6 months!!!!

 

I had another child that just turned one year old when the twins were born, so it was extra complicated. The work load was difficult, but a good schedule and team work can make it happen pretty smoothly.

 

Some things we did that helped. A white board above the changeing table, a feeding schedule (I am not a huge fan of the Ezzo's in anyway, but it happened that one of their schedules cooresponded with the one from the NICU so we used it and it helped) I am a nightowl and dh is an ealybird...so I would stay up late and do feedings and changes...and he would get up early to do it. That way we each got approx 6hrs or more sleep a night.

 

I would love another set...so yes I would do it again!

[Danestress]

Having twin boys has always felt like hitting the jackpot. It's like winning the lottery.

 

The only caution is that a twin pregnancy is riskier than a singleton pregnancy. Mine was fine - healthy, happy babies at delivery, though we had some later problems. The first six months of their lives were hard. It was demanding physically and exhausting.

 

But honestly, nothing in my life has been any better than being the mother of twin boys. Mine are almost 13, and almost every day has been a "good day" since they were born. Yes, I cried a lot those first few months. And while my waistline went back to pre-pregnancy days, for my feet have never been the same.

 

For the most part, I think twins are easy after the first year. Mine have always had each other to play with. They are never bored. There is nothing better than hearing them giggle together. IAs for never leaving the house, children are a lot about logistics. I had a ten year old when my twins were born, so I had to drag them on carpool to his school (he was in a private school) and to soccer practice. We just did it. It was a lot of physical work getting babies in and out of the car.

 

I nursed well into the second year. It was hard at first, but I think if you can manage to get through the first six weeks, it makes twins easier because you have less stuff to haul around. It was hard at first, for sure, and took a lot of patience, but for me, it was easier than it would have been to pack bottles and clean them. I was sort of a "modified demand" feeder. I mostly fed whoever was hungry, but I did try to gently encourage them to be on a similar schedule as time went on. I sort of just tried to get through each hour..

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

 

 

 

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[Impish]

I couldn't nurse my triplets. I pumped for six weeks and fed them with bottles.

 

If you have any doubt at all as to your ability to survive twins then you shouldn't risk having them.

I don't think that's true. I think many parents of singletons have wondered if they'd be able to manage multiples at some point or another. I have a family history of twins, so it was certainly something that I wondered about!

[Paige]

I haven't read all the posts so I'm sorry if this has been said before, but if I had a choice my twins would have been singletons. This has nothing to do with how much work it is or how much harder the pregnancy is on the mom but because of the health risks to the children. Twins are wonderful. Mine are identical and it constantly fills me with awe and gratitude to have them when I see them. There is just something so special and fun about twins that is not the same with singletons. I really get that, and I understand why people on the outside would want twins. IMO, however, to intentionally put yourself at risk for carrying multiples is selfish. The risks of premature birth and death are much, much higher with twins. I have no doubt that my twins would have been carried to term if they had been singletons- just like my other kids. And if they had been carried to term, one of them would not have CP. She would not have a lifetime of extra struggles and pain. Her CP is mild and does not impact me as a parent much. We can totally handle it and she does really well. But to her?? It matters a lot and she feels the pain and feels different every day and everywhere she goes. I can forget about it most of the time but she can't. Also, the girls both have horrible reflux-even at 6- due to being premature that has caused a lot of feeding problems. They struggled for years to be able to eat a normal diet and deal with heartburn daily. They also have breathing problems. It's nothing bad, but something they will be dealing with forever.

 

Similarly, I have friends with multiples whose children need multiple eye surgeries, who have had babies in the hospital for months subjected to IVs and the lack of family life that people treasure with newborns at home. Children with heart surgeries, greater rates of sensory problems, asthma, immune problems, CP much worse than my child's, etc. The risks to the babies in multiple births is very real and even if it looks like everything turned out ok, there is often subtle, hidden disabilities that you just don't know about. I also know many people with multiples who really haven't had any problems and carried to term, but because my outcome was not 100% positive, I tend to see the risks differently.

 

As for caring for them- it's not that bad. With twins, I could breastfeed easily. You get used to caring for 2 but it isn't twice the work. Sometimes it is 3 times the work and sometimes it is half the work. It's just different. You won't sleep half as much the first year but you get used to it. Going to the store or somewhere else isn't so bad because of the babies but because of the strangers wanting to see the babies making everything take 10 times longer. All babies get attention but multiples get way more attention. Sometimes it is nice but more often it is a pain. There is also a lot of guilt and worries about not giving them as much care and attention as a single baby would get. The relationship you have with them is different than with a singleton too. It's not necessarily worse, but it won't be as intense. I'm not really sure how to describe it. Maybe imagine you are trying to make 2 best friends at the same time. You probably won't be as close to either one of them as you would to a friend you only spent one on one time with, but the 3 of you may have more fun sometimes than would be had with just 2 people.

 

I also want to add, that IVF increases your risks for identical twinning by a lot. SO, if you implant 2, you could easily end up with 4.

Edited October 6, 2010 by Paige

[Lolly]

Some brief background before the main question. DH and I are doing IVF right now and in a week (YEA!) we'll need to decide how many embryos to implant. Due to a number of factors we have a high likelyhood of sucess, about 65%. These odds are increased if we do two embryos instead of one but not dramatically. However, our odds of having twins also increases if we do two embryos. Neither my DH or I are friends with anyone that has twins so we are looking for advice from you guys.

 

If you had twins (or other multiples) what are some of the challenges you face daily? Could you breastfeed? Is it twice as much work as one newborn or more or less? Now, not a lot. Of course, they are 16. The first 3 months were h#ll. I may have gotten 3 hours of broken sleep in a day. They just would not sleep at the same time. They totally alternated schedules. The pediatrician told me to put them to bed in the room farthest from mine, close all doors, and NOT go to them when they cried. It worked. After a couple of nights, we were all sleeping soundly through the night. From that point on, mine have been much easier than my singletons, especially once they started moving. I did have to keep an extra eye out. They could get into trouble faster! Plus, they helped each other do things like climb onto counters to get to the Tylenol when they were barely 1.

 

Breastfeeding wasn't a problem. I even tandem nursed when they were really small while pushing the cart with the 2 yo in it walking through Walmart:lol: Not sure how, but I remember doing it. (I did have nursing tops!)

 

If you could do it again and have your twins as seperates a year or two apart would you choose to do that instead? Never. I actually wish that all of mine had a twin. The bond is so special.

 

Any and all information is helpful to us in making this decision. We do want more than one child so that part isn't scaring us off the part where we hear stories of people not leaving thier houses for a year after their twins are born is what's scaring us. Now, that is just plain weird. I cannot imagine why on earth someone wouldn't leave the house!

 

Thanks.

 

I have run into some problems with my girls being overly competitive with each other. It is hard, especially when one has more obvious advantages going for her in life, so it isn't even a real competition. It isn't fair, but it is what it is. They have learned to live with it.

[Dobela]

I didn't have twins, but my cousin did last year and I have been a foster parent to twin infants on several occassions.

 

Parenting infant twins is a lot more work (laundry, dishes, etc), sometimes less sleep, and a lot more joy. After a certain point they can entertain each other so that helps. The hardest times for me was when one child was sick but not the other.

 

My cousin's pregnancy was terrible however. She had 2 single births so this was not a first time pregnancy. Double the testing, double the concern, double the appointments... At one point it was thought that she was even higher risk with both babies in one sac. It was tough on her, and the rest of us trying to keep her encouraged. After they were born, her dh said they each averaged 2 hours a night sleep. She stoped nusring and pumping, switching to formula, after she became exhausted. Now the babies are 1 year old and she swears they are easier together than one alone.

 

Another friend did breast feed exclusively her twins. She said for 2 years all she did was walk around topless because someone was always needing her milk (one child was special needs so there were feeding issues with him as well).

[Dobela]

Oh, as far as not leaving the house, I completely understand that to a degree. Even with a double stroller by the time you deal with 2 baby carriers, twice as many diapers, clothes, and so on, well, it is just easier to stay home. It is nearly impossible to shop for any amount of groceries with 2 carriers because most carts don't have space for 2. Of course I always wanted to stay home anyway - I hate all the people who suddenly think it is ok to kiss and touch a baby that they have never seen before.

[astrid]

.......You'll have to take everything I said with a grain of salt since I've only one kid and am not a real parent because of it. :D)

 

OH BABY don't get me started! Only one child here, and I cannot count the number of times I've heard this. It's the single most hurtful thing anyone's ever said to me. It boggles the mind.

 

Hugs to you, Parrothead, from one "pretend parent" to another.

 

astrid (apologies for hijacking, but it's a hot button for me!)

[Carrie12345]

 

If you could do it again and have your twins as seperates a year or two apart would you choose to do that instead?

 

 

 

I do not have multiples, but I do have separates who are 13 months apart. As far as the work aspect, I often wished they would have been twins, instead of having every single stage "drag on", so to speak.

But I am grateful they were singletons when I think about the added risks that come with carrying multiples.

 

Leaving the house with two babies never bothered me. Leaving with a 4yo, 3yo, and newborn was a whole other story. ;)

[Melissa in Australia]

My mum breastfeed twin boys until they were 2.

[The Girls' Mom]

I have identical twins. I wouldn't have chosen to have them separate...now any way. I was terrified when I found out I was having twins, but it really wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. (In fact, the two of them as infants were easier than my firstborn alone!)

 

I carried them to 34.5 weeks and delivered them naturally with NO complications. They had to stay in NICU for a week until they could regulate their temps.

 

I did breastfeed them for about 3-4 weeks, but they were having some serious allergy issues that led to bottle feeding. If it hadn't been for that, I wouldn't have had any trouble.

 

Now that they are older, they are each others best friends (although they wouldn't admit it) They do fight some, but so do all siblings.

[teamturner]

My twins are now 10 yo, but I can honestly say that I would never trade the experience of having them at the same time. I had a rocky start w/nursing due to some health issue on my part and the size of the babies, but I was able to nurse exclusively from about 8 weeks of age to just beyond 12 months. The only reason I stopped was because I was pregnant again. I love having twins. I would also like to dispell the myth that you never leave the house for a year. I took them on walks, to church, restaurants (the louder ones are your friends, i.e. Mexican restaurant playing festive music), to the grocery store (which I have some fun memories of), the mall, traveled with them, you get the picture. And if you ever homeschool them, you have 2 doing the same work (usually) which makes things a little more efficient.

 

God bless you in this decision!!

[justamouse]

Heh.

 

Had I known what a catapult ride twins would have been, I doubt I would have done it. Looking back now, it was worth all the sleepless nights.

 

I had twins, and then when they were three months old and I was going in for a tubal, they found I was pregnant again. So, I have three kids that miss being born in one year by 10 days.

 

Rule #1. You will need help. We had NONE. It was me and him, three older kids and three babies. Get help. Ask for it. Beg for it. When two babies are screaming to nurse --even if you can nurse both (I did, it wasn't that hard once you got the hang of it) you will need help positioning them, getting them to you, what have you. Set up some sort of rotating schedule so that you have help at least 4 days a week. The cooking for the month idea and don't worry, dinner's in the freezer? Those should be your new bibles.

 

Rule #2. You are the cow. Your job is to sit there and feed them. Then change them, burp them, and by the time that is done, it's time to feed them again. MOST twins are preemies (mine were 34 weeks but without health issues and I was able to take them home right away) and preemies eat more. So instead of every 4 hours, I was feeding every 1.5-2. You are the cow.

 

Rule #3. Don't plan on going anywhere and get a hobby-say, sleeping. Just when you get everyone washed up and ready to go, it's time to feed. Just when you get washed up and ready to go, someone blows out their diaper. Just when you get washed up and ready to go...insert disaster here.

 

Until they are about 5 months old (remember, preemies here) they are a juggling act and you really can't drop the ball. When they start being able to sit under a play gym, life gets a bit easier. You can actually take a shower. :001_smile: Or maybe slip out for an hour.

 

Mine are going to be 8 and the other 7, and it was totally 100% worth it. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, as much as I cried.

 

ETA: remember I was pregnant, too, through my twins being babies so it was rough.

Edited October 6, 2010 by justamouse

[LaissezFaire]

My first children are twins (g/g), they are now almost 12. I have to say that the first 3 years are hard. The toddler stage is rough and at times exasperating. However the older they get the more of a blessing twins are! I love that they always have a buddy, I feel confident when they try new things without me because they have each other. I only wish everyone could have a twin. LOL

 

They truly are the best of friends and even now when I look back to the videos of them as toddlers, they were so funny together and loving (in between being naughty monkeys).

 

Yes, you can breastfeed twins exclusively and successfully. It's all a learning process. My girls were born healthy and term with good birthweights and came right home from the hospital. I never had bedrest or anything like that during my pregnancy. If you have twins first your next baby is like a walk in the park. I couldn't believe how easy one baby was after only having two.

Edited October 6, 2010 by LaissezFaire

[HRAAB]

Having twin boys has always felt like hitting the jackpot. It's like winning the lottery.

 

The only caution is that a twin pregnancy is riskier than a singleton pregnancy. Mine was fine - healthy, happy babies at delivery, though we had some later problems. The first six months of their lives were hard. It was demanding physically and exhausting.

 

But honestly, nothing in my life has been any better than being the mother of twin boys. Mine are almost 13, and almost every day has been a "good day" since they were born. Yes, I cried a lot those first few months. And while my waistline went back to pre-pregnancy days, for my feet have never been the same.

 

For the most part, I think twins are easy after the first year. Mine have always had each other to play with. They are never bored. There is nothing better than hearing them giggle together. IAs for never leaving the house, children are a lot about logistics. I had a ten year old when my twins were born, so I had to drag them on carpool to his school (he was in a private school) and to soccer practice. We just did it. It was a lot of physical work getting babies in and out of the car.

 

I nursed well into the second year. It was hard at first, but I think if you can manage to get through the first six weeks, it makes twins easier because you have less stuff to haul around. It was hard at first, for sure, and took a lot of patience, but for me, it was easier than it would have been to pack bottles and clean them. I was sort of a "modified demand" feeder. I mostly fed whoever was hungry, but I did try to gently encourage them to be on a similar schedule as time went on. I sort of just tried to get through each hour..

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: except mine are girls.

[LaissezFaire]

OH BABY don't get me started! Only one child here, and I cannot count the number of times I've heard this. It's the single most hurtful thing anyone's ever said to me. It boggles the mind.

 

Hugs to you, Parrothead, from one "pretend parent" to another.

 

astrid (apologies for hijacking, but it's a hot button for me!)

Seriously? People say that to you? That is ridiculous.

[teamturner]

Heh.

 

Had I known what a catapult ride twins would have been, I doubt I would have done it. Looking back now, it was worth all the sleepless nights.

 

I had twins, and then when they were three months old and I was going in for a tubal, they found I was pregnant again. So, I have three kids that miss being born in one year by 10 days.

 

Rule #1. You will need help. We had NONE. It was me and him, three older kids and three babies. Get help. Ask for it. Beg for it. When two babies are screaming to nurse --even if you can nurse both (I did, it wasn't that hard once you got the hang of it) you will need help positioning them, getting them to you, what have you. Set up some sort of rotating schedule so that you have help at least 4 days a week. The cooking for the month idea and don't worry, dinner's in the freezer? Those should be your new bibles.

 

Rule #2. You are the cow. Your job is to sit there and feed them. Then change them, burp them, and by the time that is done, it's time to feed them again. MOST twins are preemies (mine were 34 weeks but without health issues and I was able to take them home right away) and preemies eat more. So instead of every 4 hours, I was feeding every 1.5-2. You are the cow.

 

Rule #3. Don't plan on going anywhere and get a hobby-say, sleeping. Just when you get everyone washed up and ready to go, it's time to feed. Just when you get washed up and ready to go, someone blows out their diaper. Just when you get washed up and ready to go...insert disaster here.

 

Until they are about 5 months old (remember, preemies here) they are a juggling act and you really can't drop the ball. When they start being able to sit under a play gym, life gets a bit easier. You can actually take a shower. :001_smile: Or maybe slip out for an hour.

 

Mine are going to be 8 and the other 7, and it was totally 100% worth it. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, as much as I cried.

 

ETA: remember I was pregnant, too, through my twins being babies so it was rough.

 

:iagree: especially about the being a cow part!! And speaking of hobbies, my dh was taking golf lessons when I was pregnant w/our twins (they were our first). He had a coworker that had older twins and he asked the man if he thought he would ever have time to play golf after the twins were born. The guy said no, so no more golf lessons. :D Unfortunately the Krispie Kreme store was by the golf place so no more doughnuts for me. :tongue_smilie:

[mycalling]

My twins were my 3rd pregnancy so it was easier, they were full-term, and I was an experienced nurser. They were exclusively breastfed for 9mo and weaned at 21mo.

 

It was rough at night with them, but you'll have an advantage of not having a 2yo and 3yo to deal with during the day. It will be all worth it. Multiple times, I swear my DH and I looked at each other and said, "We could have handled triplets," while they were infants...so either it wasn't so bad or we were that delirious with sleep deprivation!!:D

[mlktwins]

I have 5 year old fraternal boys. I did 3 rounds of IUI before the 1st (successful) attempt with IVF. I put 2 embryos in and got 2 babies out :-). A great friend of mine put 2 embroys in and got 3 babies out (identical girls and a boy). I went 37 weeks 5 days to a scheduled c-section and the boys and I did great (no preemie issues). I was on bedrest at home for 3 months prior though (not because of complications but to avoid them), which was fine since I wasn't planning to go back to work. The boys were almost 14 lbs combined at birth.

 

I tried breastfeeding for 2 months without success. I had one that had difficulty latching on and staying latched -- the other did fine. I pumped as much as I could also, but my milk prodcution wasn't the greatest. I gave up after 2 months. My friend with triplets pumped/breastfeed hers for 6 months without problems.

 

To be honest, the first year was a blur. These are my only kids and I had them at 38. I woke mine every 3 hours to feed the first few months, but fed them one at a time (unless I had family over to help). I did not wake one to feed the other. As they got older and I became more confident, evertying started getting a little easier.

 

Since these are my only children, I can't speak to just having one at a time, but I would do it over the same way if given the choice. Going through IUI/IVF was very draining and emotional and I don't think I would have gone through it again. I also didn't like all the drugs/hormones that went with the process. Multiples are higher risk and I know I was very fortunate. That is something to consider.

 

I was pretty much confined to the house the first 3 months. I started getting out often (to walk the mall usually) after that. It's easier when they are still carseat/stroller bound.

 

My boys are the best of friends and occupy each other much of the day. They gave me a rough time at age 3, but that started turning around a year later and they just keep getting better and better.

 

I with you luck with your decision and the process!

[wapiti]

I don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been mentioned.

 

A twin pregnancy is significantly more risky than a singleton pregnancy. Fifty percent of twins are born pre-term.

 

Twins are "more work" than singletons close in age (well, comparing them to my babies #5 and #6, who are 13 months apart. My twins were also 33-weekers who had their share of health issues.) Maybe it's just that the sleep deprivation is so. much. worse.

 

I did not nurse my twins (although I did nurse my singletons). I pumped for a few months. They were premies, and when they came home from the hospital they were still not strong enough to nurse through entire feedings - took too many calories to do so. By the time they were strong enough, I was already at the end of my rope and gave up.

 

It's a long story, but my twins are the result of my sixth and only successful IVF cycle. We had transferred three blasts, the last, and worst-looking, of all the ones we had. On first u/s, there were two sacs, and one of the sacs had two fetal poles, so we temporarily thought we were having triplets, but one of them was gone by the next u/s. We have no regrets.

 

I'd ask for specific odds of success with one blastocyst vs. two. And if you're using day-3 embryos, I'd go with two.

 

Good luck with your cycle :grouphug:

[Osmosis Mom]

I love our twins and breastfed them until around 14 months or more. I fed them together *always* and it was no problem. Loved it. Did indeed wake them up to nurse together which was never a problem. Yes, the pregnancy was tiring and scary because twins in themselves makes it high risk. I had some low amniotic fluid issues, but carried them till 37+ weeks and had them by c-section (as we were in a remote hospital).

 

Love our twins. Pregnancy was harder than raising them just because I was scared something would go wrong.

[phathui5]

I think that if you do have twins, it's going to be important to make sure that you have a strong support network; people who can clean your house, make you food, etc, so that all you have to do is nurse the babies and rest.

[MariannNOVA]

I think that if you do have twins, it's going to be important to make sure that you have a strong support network; people who can clean your house, make you food, etc, so that all you have to do is nurse the babies and rest.

 

 

I haven't read all of the other responses, but this about sums up my experience and my advice. And, women I knew who had twins a few months before I had our first (the twins came 19 months later) repeated over and over again: Get Folks To Help.

 

My mom and I cooked and froze months worth of meals which were a great thing to have. Neighbors organized another month of meals -- each night, someone showed up with food.

 

Again, you cannot have too much help - trust me. Best, best wishes -- it is an amazing thing.:grouphug:

[freetobeme]

Wow. I've never heard that simply because one has given birth to twins. I have heard of the mothers that do not leave the house with baby because of fear of baby contracting some illness.

 

I can't imagine why it would happen unless the babies were sick. I've got a friend with identicals. Since she has three older children not leaving the house was not an option. The olders had to get to activities and doctor appointments. Scheduling was often creative trying to get five kids to one place.

 

I imagine you'd want a double stroller and a schedule in place.

 

(You'll have to take everything I said with a grain of salt since I've only one kid and am not a real parent because of it. :D)

 

well, i was like your friend - three olders when my twins were born and all your advice is spot on, from my perspective! :001_smile:

 

i nursed for the first year. it did take help early on to get them both situated. i also scheduled them more than my first three out of necessity for having the others to deal with and being alone with all five after the first couple of weeks. echoing what others have said: for me, the first few months were hard. they slept in the same bed in my room for the first 6 months - until they were rolling all over each other. toddlerhood was a challenge compared to the singletons.

i would not change a thing. we didn't plan them and didn't expect them. . .but i wouldn't trade them for anything.

good luck making your decisions. you'll figure out what's best!

[Britomart]

Sometimes it is 3 times the work and sometimes it is half the work. It's just different.

:iagree:

 

I don't know how helpful my experience will be, because my twins had an in-utero condition (they were monoamniotic) that made everything really scary, and necessitated them being preemies if they were going to get here at all. So it's hard for me to separate my feelings about having twins with my feelings about having monoamniotic twins. Also, I had a one year old and a three year old when my twins were born, which was a different experience than you'll have.

 

But . . . that said, the challenges were being tired all. the. time. Having one baby cry while I helped the other. Simply having an abnormal life for two years straight (it's almost normal now that they're two!). Etc.

 

We were able to breastfeed, although not until they were two months old, due to prematurity. I would persist in trying to breastfeed, if you possibly can, because once they were able to nurse, everything got easier and everyone was happier.

 

My biggest piece of advice - and only you could know if it applies or not - is DO NOT HAVE TWINS WITHOUT A GOOD HUSBAND. Mine was amazing. That man squared his shoulders and took on half - and more - of the burden. He would have done all of it if he had too. I wouldn't have made it without him. But if your husband is weak in this sort of area - and some are, we aren't all good at everything - you really don't want twins. I'm serious. This is so very far from a one-person job. Good grandparents and friends and church are also really helpful, but a good husband, that's paramount.

 

Even more than that, I wouldn't have made it without the constant presence of God. Especially during the terrifying parts in the hospital. But he was there all the time.

 

Oh dear. See, this is getting heavy. Sorry! :) This is what happens when you go through an extended period of time of being terrified that your children are going to die. You just can't talk about it like it was normal.*

 

Um, hm . . . would I do it again? To get these two children - yes. Would I choose to have twins? No. But J & K . . . being twins is part of who each of them is, and I love each of them so much that I wouldn't take that part of them away for anything. It's like asking if I'd choose to have them be boys or have eyes of a different color or to have different personalities. I love the girls I have, and the girls I have are twins.

 

Also, though I hope I never have to do anything like it again, I'd never give up what I learned through those scary days and through those hard days. God used it to grow me up, and to show me that he's always with me. I'd never give up that knowledge.

 

 

 

*Again, that's a monoamniotic thing, not a twin thing.

[Lolly]

With everyone saying, "Get help." I thought I would throw in that you can do it without help. My oldest was under two. I had a c-sect. My mother came and stayed for a week. Then, she told me it was time for me to do it on my own. That I was going to have to just do it. She did leave some prepared meals. Not a whole lot. But, she was right. I just had to do it. It can be done!

[sbgrace]

Warning: I'm not going to be positive but I think we had a more complicated start in many ways including a baby with health and growth problems.

 

 

If you had twins (or other multiples) what are some of the challenges you face daily? Could you breastfeed? Is it twice as much work as one newborn or more or less?

 

Newborn twins (at least those not on a schedule from being preemies in the hospital which you certainly don't want) are really tough. It was hard for me to have to listen to a baby cry because there was one of me and two of them. Actually, hard doesn't describe it. Ideally a young baby has a responsive mommy tuned in to that baby and I couldn't help both of them simultaneously so it seemed someone was always crying.

 

I breastfed (the easiest way to feed twins bar none) and then one was hospitalized and the other was small and the weaker nurser and with a series of bad luck and bad choices we ended up pumping and feeding breastmilk. That's the hardest way to feed twins bar none!

 

For newborns and young babies here it was twice as much and worse really because at least in our case one baby was a horrible night sleeper but slept in the day and the other was a pretty good night sleeper (baby sleep with waking to eat but otherwise decent) but never napped in the day unless I was holding and patting and humming in his ear. One was colicky as well. That means I rarely slept. We were pumping and feeding so I would feed them, change diapers, get them to sleep, pump again, fall into bed and all the sudden someone was awake to be fed. If breastfeeding had kept going that part would have been easier but they still wouldn't have slept long enough for me to get what I needed. Our pediatrician was a mom of twins and kept telling us to take shifts so that we each got 5 hours of sleep per 24 hour period because we needed that to survive. Well, my husband was traveling for work and I felt he needed more sleep than that to avoid a crash. So I did all night stuff during the week and tried to catch up on the week-end when he was home. Of course, I was pumping so even then my sleep was interrupted and was with breastfeeding as well though to a lesser degree because of the logistics of pumping. I was beyond exhausted (as in falling asleep while bathing a baby type of exhausted) and my husband was overloaded trying to do everything at home so I could rest while he was home and working. We were tense and snappy at each other. It was very difficult.

 

Post six months though at times the work was harder and other times I think it was less. I mean feeding two and napping two and etc. took more time but in many cases not twice the time and it as they got older it was more enjoyable in every way. It's so fun to have two babies cracking up while daddy makes funny faces for example. They laughed together a lot.

 

If you could do it again and have your twins as seperates a year or two apart would you choose to do that instead? That's hard. I think my boys would have been better off in many ways if we did one at a time. They would have had an easier pregnancy with less complications. We went into preterm labor at 24 weeks and I was on bedrest with meds that we now know weren't good for them. They were born at 37 weeks but one was very small because of positioning (he dropped to a +2 at 24 weeks and was malpositioned) and, well, sharing me. Individually and as a marriage would have been less stressed. My health took a huge hit because of the lack of sleep. The newborn period (up to six months) would have been much more manageable and I could have been a better mommy. Breastfeeding wouldn't have had the complications. I could learn from one child and not repeat the new parent mistakes with the second rather than making them all double!

 

Any and all information is helpful to us in making this decision. We do want more than one child so that part isn't scaring us off the part where we hear stories of people not leaving thier houses for a year after their twins are born is what's scaring us.

 

Thanks.

 

I think twin pregnancy especially as a first pregnancy is hard for mom and the babies. It's not the way it was meant to be essentially and with good reason. The newborn period as I stressed was really difficult here and not just for us but less than ideal for the babies as well. It makes me sad honestly to think of that time period. We were just surviving and I remember almost nothing except how hard the crying was and how exhausted I was. I don't remember anything positive for the early months except the first night home--we sat and stared at them amazed and then they woke up and we never slept again it felt like.

 

That said, twins were exciting for us. We had a very hard time getting pregnant and these weren't IVF babies so I felt very blessed as I didn't at all know if we would be able to have another child (answer has turned out to be no). I didn't have to worry about an older child leaving smaller toys for a baby to find or waking a sleeping baby or anything. We had baby routines and toys, then toddler routines and toys, and so on. So as they got older I felt it was easier in many ways. And in fact it was fun to have twins as they got older. It still amazes me that they have always known having a built in person experiencing everything for the first time with them--sharing life with them. I think that is so neat. One of my kids has special needs and having a twin is serving him well in that respect and will in life I think. But an older brother might have been just as good. They are very different (opposites in about every way) and not particularly compatible in personality so it's not all lollipops here but still they have each other. So do close in age siblings though. At this point I don't think the work load or dynamics are really much different than any two children in a family.

 

If I felt I could chose I would have babies one at a time. I think it's best for everyone.

Edited October 7, 2010 by sbgrace

[eight_gregorys]

I have identical twin boys that are 7. I had a 15 month old when the twins were born and had another baby that is 11 months younger. I breastfed the twins until I had to go back on my meds (I have Lupus.). I was able to nurse them at the same time and it wasn't too cumbersome. That was a tough couple of years. I don't know that I would recommend having twins, but I sure love ours. Their relationship is precious. They all get along pretty well. It is A LOT of work until they are more able to do things on their own. I was so grateful when they all learned how to use a knife so I didn't have to cut their food at every single meal and when they could shower themselves. Just little things that you don't really think about.

 

Good luck with your baby journey!

[astrid]

Seriously? People say that to you? That is ridiculous.

 

Yes. Several times. I've gotten so I don't even participate in any kind of parenting discussion IRL because in the past my comments have been met with what amounts to a patronizing little pat on the head, as if I"ve just been playing dolls for 13 years. As if I couldn't POSSIBLY have anything worthwhile to contribute or have ANY understanding whatsoever of the trials that "real" moms face since I "have it soooooo easy" with an only.

 

Perhaps unwittingly, but I've discovered that moms can be really, really cruel to other moms.

 

astrid

[LaissezFaire]

:iagree:

 

DO NOT HAVE TWINS WITHOUT A GOOD HUSBAND.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

This is what made it doable for me. I could never have done it without a super helpful husband.

[LaissezFaire]

Yes. Several times. I've gotten so I don't even participate in any kind of parenting discussion IRL because in the past my comments have been met with what amounts to a patronizing little pat on the head, as if I"ve just been playing dolls for 13 years. As if I couldn't POSSIBLY have anything worthwhile to contribute or have ANY understanding whatsoever of the trials that "real" moms face since I "have it soooooo easy" with an only.

 

Perhaps unwittingly, but I've discovered that moms can be really, really cruel to other moms.

 

astrid

 

After I responded to this I recalled a letter a friend of mine (who has one child) wrote me after I had visited with her. She was thanking me for chatting with her about mundane things like potty training and listening to her take on things. It struck me funny because I kept thinking, "Why wouldn't I?"

But apparently people disregarded her a lot because she 'just had one."

 

Well in my book if you have one that counts as experience and most likely something worthwhile to add to the conversation.

[freetobeme]

Yes. Several times. I've gotten so I don't even participate in any kind of parenting discussion IRL because in the past my comments have been met with what amounts to a patronizing little pat on the head, as if I"ve just been playing dolls for 13 years. As if I couldn't POSSIBLY have anything worthwhile to contribute or have ANY understanding whatsoever of the trials that "real" moms face since I "have it soooooo easy" with an only.

 

Perhaps unwittingly, but I've discovered that moms can be really, really cruel to other moms.

 

astrid

 

i'm sorry. :grouphug:

[CLHCO]

Twin pregnancies vary a lot so it's so hard to advise. My mother-in-law and an aunt had no problems and didn't realize they were having twins until they gave birth. Easy pregnancies. My twins had twin-to-twin-transfer syndrome and we had quite a scary roller coaster ride there near the end.

 

I didn't sleep the first 3 months and I was a tired mess, but after that, it got easier. I had to do things that are more counter-intuitive for me, meaning, I had to let them cry sometimes instead of being as immediately attentive as I'd like. Strangely enough, that still bugs me. I want to go back in time sometimes and see if I can find some way to do things over, but they were my first and I was tired and naive. Did I mention I was tired?

 

I pumped because it took almost 3 months to teach them to nurse. They were too little. I was stubborn, however, and they finally caught on. I nursed them until 10 months.

 

All of that said, after that little baby time they became far easier and a complete joy, outside of the problem of a 24/7 slumber giggle party through much of their youth. ;) I personally think the joy of watching their special relationship is worth the troubles through pregnancy and the newborn stage, but it is important to realize there is a higher chance of problems and it's not all lollipops and roses.

[cheryl h]

As you have read by now, there are as many different twin experiences as there are colors of the rainbow...but here are a few pros and cons from my perspective. Let's start with cons: more health risks for babies and mom, more work, less sleep, less $$$ in the bank...true, true, and true. And here are some pros: 1 pregnancy=2 babies is awesome if you know you want more than one child, instant playmates for dc, 2 smiles instead of 1, double the trouble is also double the fun. I loved hearing them call to me in the morning and hearing both their voices, eventually they would start talking to each other instead of calling for me, and I would get a few more minutes of sleep. I loved hearing the swish, swish, swish noise of their diapers as they toddled through the house together in their footy jammies. I loved watching them feed each other Cheerios and giggling in their side by side high chairs. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Don't let the scary stories get to you because my twin pregnancy was far more uneventful than my singles, but do take heed to prepare yourself for what may be. I know just as many scary health stories for premie singles as twins. God is faithful to give you what you need, exactly when you need it, for any situation.

 

As a side note in regards to rude comments to mom's of only children, I have heard similar comments to a friend (that one child is merely a pet) and experienced it to a different degree myself. I have been the recipient of such comments as "oh, 2 boys, and 2 girls, what a perfect family" as I am standing next to my BF with 4 boys and other BF with 3 boys 1 girl, with all the kids present. There is no equation or number for a perfect family, it's all perfectly planned by God. People openly dote on my dd7 because of her curly red hair, and don't even acknowledge my other dc. It's infuriating and so hurtful.

[Jeanne in MN]

I agree. We had an 18th mo. old and twins and no help. WE couldn't afford to pay sitters, especially when we probably would've needed two. We also had just moved to a town where we knew no one. They were very hard years for me and I believe help would've made a huge difference, but it can be done on your own.

 

With everyone saying, "Get help." I thought I would throw in that you can do it without help. My oldest was under two. I had a c-sect. My mother came and stayed for a week. Then, she told me it was time for me to do it on my own. That I was going to have to just do it. She did leave some prepared meals. Not a whole lot. But, she was right. I just had to do it. It can be done!

[Jeanne in MN]

If you have any doubt at all as to your ability to survive twins then you shouldn't risk having them.

 

I heartily disagree. As new parents, many people question their ability to handle parenthood. I think those are normal feelings. The prospect of having twins is enough to cause concern for any potential parent-planned or unplanned!

[linders]

DS10 was an IVF baby and I know how stressful the whole process is. Best wishes for a successful pregnancy whatever you decide!!

[AuntieM]

I have been the recipient of such comments as "oh, 2 boys, and 2 girls, what a perfect family" as I am standing next to my BF with 4 boys and other BF with 3 boys 1 girl, with all the kids present. There is no equation or number for a perfect family, it's all perfectly planned by God. People openly dote on my dd7 because of her curly red hair, and don't even acknowledge my other dc. It's infuriating and so hurtful.

 

I hate, hate, hate this comment! I find it beyond rude and have been in your shoes as well.

[aggieamy]

I must admit that I've read through this thread about twenty times in the last week and it's given me a lot to think about. I was really expecting the response to be an overwhelming "NO TWINS". You've given me lots to think about, DH and I are discussing it constantly. The big day is Wednesday so I'll keep you guys updated on what we decide then.

 

Thanks again.