If your oldest dc is about 7 or 8...

[cathmom]

and you met somebody who had children the age of yours, but also had older children (like in college older), would you want to be friends with them? What concerns would you have? Or wouldn't you care?

[Mrs Mungo]

I had a friend in NC (we're still friends, but you kwim?) who had a dd the same age as my middle dd. She had (has) older kids who were *my age*. we got along just fine.

[cathmom]

I had a friend in NC (we're still friends, but you kwim?) who had a dd the same age as my middle dd. She had (has) older kids who were *my age*. we got along just fine.

 

That's good to hear! :001_smile:

[Chris in VA]

Answering from the perspective of the other person-- my youngest is 10, and I have an almost-19yo and a 21 yo.

I could see someone who doesn't have older kids some concerns having to do with what older kids (young adults, really) would be hanging around, and also having to do with the age of the mom in question--would I, as a person who is younger (probably, anyway) have enough in common with her.

 

Honestly, tho, I would hope some moms would not be that concerned--I hate to think I'm being left out of potential friendships just because I have older kids.

[Dandelion]

I wouldn't care...

 

My friends run the gamut - some are homeschool moms with kids in my DC's age range, others have kids that are already grown and out of the house, and a few are single with no kids. My two best friends are on opposite ends of the spectrum - one has two kids in their early 20's and the other just had her first child a few days ago. :)

[cathmom]

Answering from the perspective of the other person-- my youngest is 10, and I have an almost-19yo and a 21 yo.

I could see someone who doesn't have older kids some concerns having to do with what older kids (young adults, really) would be hanging around, and also having to do with the age of the mom in question--would I, as a person who is younger (probably, anyway) have enough in common with her.

 

Honestly, tho, I would hope some moms would not be that concerned--I hate to think I'm being left out of potential friendships just because I have older kids.

 

It's that part that I wonder about. I'm 39 and four of my dc are 7 and younger. That would totally fit with going to college, working for ten years, and then having dc. Except I didn't do that - that's a totally different life than I've led. So am I going to have enough in common with moms who did do that?

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

and you met somebody who had children the age of yours, but also had older children (like in college older), would you want to be friends with them? What concerns would you have? Or wouldn't you care?

 

No concerns. Wouldn't care. Might ask a lot of advice, as she's BTDT. :D

 

It's that part that I wonder about. I'm 39 and four of my dc are 7 and younger. That would totally fit with going to college, working for ten years, and then having dc. Except I didn't do that - that's a totally different life than I've led. So am I going to have enough in common with moms who did do that?

 

Eh. I don't have anything in common with the me from 16-20 years ago who was in school, you know? I'm happy that I did it but it almost doesn't feel relevant now. I would be more interested in what we have in common as hs moms. :)

[jahkamakura]

I guess I would be more concerned about what type of parents those new friends are and what type of friends they would be to me rather than what age their children are. My kids have learned a lot (of good things) from our friends whose children were much older.

 

Juli in Japan

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Answering from the perspective of the other person-- my youngest is 10, and I have an almost-19yo and a 21 yo.

I could see someone who doesn't have older kids some concerns having to do with what older kids (young adults, really) would be hanging around, and also having to do with the age of the mom in question--would I, as a person who is younger (probably, anyway) have enough in common with her.

 

Honestly, tho, I would hope some moms would not be that concerned--I hate to think I'm being left out of potential friendships just because I have older kids.

 

I wouldn't mind the older kids hanging around. As a matter of fact, I can't promise I wouldn't ask if they could babysit. :tongue_smilie:

[Nestof3]

Yes. I am the one with a nine year old and a 20-year old in college. I would hope that wouldn't stop someone from being friends with me.

[cathmom]

No concerns. Wouldn't care. Might ask a lot of advice, as she's BTDT. :D

 

 

 

Eh. I don't have anything in common with the me from 16-22 years ago who was in school, you know? I'm happy that I did it but it almost doesn't feel relevant now. I would be more interested in what we have in common as hs moms. :)

 

OK, good, this is reassuring. My younger children and I need new homeschooling friends, as most of my current friends only have dc the ages of my older dc.

 

I just felt like they might look at me like I have 2 heads because they can't imagine their precious 5 yo being 21 someday! :lol:

[cathmom]

It's really odd the things we worry about, isn't it?

[2squared]

It's that part that I wonder about. I'm 39 and four of my dc are 7 and younger. That would totally fit with going to college, working for ten years, and then having dc. Except I didn't do that - that's a totally different life than I've led. So am I going to have enough in common with moms who did do that?

 

I would gladly be your friend! I am almost 37 with almost five dc ranging from newborn - 8yo. College and work seem like a lifetime ago at this point, so I wouldn't care one bit what you did for those ten years.

[cathmom]

I would gladly be your friend! I am almost 37 with almost five dc ranging from newborn - 8yo. College and work seem like a lifetime ago at this point, so I wouldn't care one bit what you did for those ten years.

 

Congrats on the "Yikes"!!

 

Thanks!

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

OK, good, this is reassuring. My younger children and I need new homeschooling friends, as most of my current friends only have dc the ages of my older dc.

 

I just felt like they might look at me like I have 2 heads because they can't imagine their precious 5 yo being 21 someday! :lol:

 

Oh, good. Definitely put yourself out there. I imagine my kids being older all the time (sometimes nostalgic for when they were babies, sometimes imagining a tidy house). :lol:

 

I find the presence of older kids, especially homeschooled ones, reassuring. That probably doesn't make sense. I think about what my kids don't understand now and know they will get there and to savor what I've got now, while we're at this stage. Plus, if you have a good relationship with your kids, I would think you're completely awesome. :tongue_smilie:

 

It's really odd the things we worry about, isn't it?

 

I'm certainly no one to judge. :grouphug:

[Julie in CA]

and you met somebody who had children the age of yours, but also had older children (like in college older), would you want to be friends with them?

Very much so! When my dc were younger, I found a friend who had a child my kids' ages, but also older kids. She was my best friend and also my mentor. She'd been where I was, and had a lot of wise words based on past experience, but we also had kids the same age, which gave us a built-in excuse to see each other a lot. Her girls were also older enough to babysit for my littles on occasion. It was the best possible friend situation *ever!* :)

[cathmom]

Oh, good. Definitely put yourself out there. I imagine my kids being older all the time (sometimes nostalgic for when they were babies, sometimes imagining a tidy house). :lol:

 

I find the presence of older kids, especially homeschooled ones, reassuring. That probably doesn't make sense. I think about what my kids don't understand now and know they will get there and to savor what I've got now, while we're at this stage. Plus, if you have a good relationship with your kids, I would think you're completely awesome. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

 

 

I'll tell you, I'm a lot more humble than I used to be. But yes, we have good relationships.

 

A tidy house, what's that?:tongue_smilie:

[cathmom]

Very much so! When my dc were younger, I found a friend who had a child my kids' ages, but also older kids. She was my best friend and also my mentor. She'd been where I was, and had a lot of wise words based on past experience, but we also had kids the same age, which gave us a built-in excuse to see each other a lot. Her girls were also older enough to babysit for my littles on occasion. It was the best possible friend situation *ever!* :)

 

:001_smile: I just always tell people that it GOES. SO. FAST.

[Gwenhwyfar]

wouldn't bother me. friends come in all sorts. :)

 

one of my two closest friends has kids who are 19, 16, and 8 ... the other has a 6 year old. my kids are 12 & 13 now, but we've all been friends for a couple of years.

 

[my best friend on the planet is a 40 year old guy who doesn't have any kids (yet) at all.]

[Ellie]

I wouldn't care. Homeschoolers are not about age segregation, right? :)

[EthiopianFood]

One of my best friends is 25 years older than me. I don't really see the problem. :confused:

[sbgrace]

Just another reassurance--one of my closest friends has a child my son's age and also college and high school age kids. It didn't give me a moment's pause.

[joannqn]

We were blessed to know a family with three adult children (who homeschooled all of K-12) and two adopted children who were 8 and 10, the same age as my two oldest. Their two youngest and my two oldest were the best of friends in very short order. They seemed custom made for each other. Mom and I got along well too. I know the dads would have gotten along if they had gotten to know each other; I think they met once. Unfortunately, they moved to the other side of the country, and we all really miss them.

 

So, obviously, I would not have a problem with that scenario.

[Renee in NC]

and you met somebody who had children the age of yours, but also had older children (like in college older), would you want to be friends with them? What concerns would you have? Or wouldn't you care?

 

I'll hang out with you!!!!

 

Oh, wait.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[Carrie12345]

Oh, man. I HOPE that's not something that would make many people fret! When Number Five is 8, the rest of my kids will be 11.5-20. I would hate to think that we'd miss out on friendships simply because I had kids before him! :001_huh:

[teachermom2834]

I have a friend like that and I love it!

 

Her oldest is 5 years younger than me, she has a couple in early 20s and then a 9 and 11 yo. I really love having her as a friend. She is such a resource for older kid "stuff", is so laid back about the small "stuff", and just plain fun. She is a grandma, in fact. It's funny because she does and says stuff that reminds me of my mom sometimes. I don't point that out to her but it is funny.

 

On the other side of that I have found that my friends with the kids the same ages as my olders stopped calling us to do stuff when I had a baby when they were past that stage. Not my older friend, it was nothing to her. She was used to wide ranges of ages.

[NanceXToo]

It would never in a million years even cross my mind as an issue. :confused:

[cathmom]

I'll hang out with you!!!!

 

Oh, wait.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

You're one of the ones who moved away and caused this problem!

 

:lol:

[cathmom]

One of my best friends is 25 years older than me. I don't really see the problem. :confused:

 

It would never in a million years even cross my mind as an issue. :confused:

 

LOL - I'm sure you guys worry about stuff that I would never in a million years even consider an issue! :)

[Leanna Tomlinson]

Sometimes having kids in a large range is a lonely place to be. I get to talk to a lot of people, but I also know, for a fact, that there are two circles of friends we have that get together a lot without inviting us. The families with older kids don't call, because they don't know what to do with your younger ones. The families with younger kids are intimidated by the older children. Everyone is intimidated by the size of the family. I'm not assuming this; people have come right out and admitted it without realizing that it hurts. Thankfully, we have found friends who look past it, but it took some time.

Edited October 6, 2010 by Leanna

[EthiopianFood]

LOL - I'm sure you guys worry about stuff that I would never in a million years even consider an issue! :)

 

Well ACTUALLY, in the given situation, I would worry that the older potential friend is looking down on me, and wouldn't be very interested in talking to ME. :D Age is power in my mind, while youth is power in yours? Maybe?

[Harriet Vane]

Not sure why this is an issue?

 

My kids' dearest friends have two sets of kids--the adult set and the younger set. When we first knew this family, one of their older kids was in college, and the other was homeschooling high school. It's been several years now. My dd was excited to help serve food at the wedding of my friend's son just recently, and my friend's adult daughter is going to spend the night with my kids not too long in the future when dh and I are out of town on business. It's always been a good relationship.

[HeidiKC]

Not only would I not care, but I'd love to be friends with someone who has kids the same age as mine as well as older kids. She might be a great person to give me insight/advice on parenting/issues with kids since it's all new to me and she's lived it and learned from it. I find I even seek out friends with older kids.

 

I think a huge age difference between me and the woman (20+ years) would be a bigger deal to me than her having older kids or what she's done with her life up until now. I wouldn't avoid being friends with someone because of her age, but I just wonder if it might be harder for me. Of course someone 20+ years older isn't going to have kids my kids' ages, either!

 

As far as concerns: none with the woman, and none with my kids being friends with her kids....but I'd need to know a bit more about the older kids before I'd let mine stay at her house while she was out and the older kids were in charge. In general, I don't like that setup, even with nice and responsible older kids. It isn't the same as babysitting since they are pretty much doing their own thing and probably not playing with or very carefully watching the younger kids - the way they would if they were a paid sitter at someone's home.

[sagira]

It would never in a million years even cross my mind as an issue. :confused:

 

Yeah for me :) I love being enriched by families with experience. One of my good friends has one college-aged ds, another hs ds, a middle schooler and an 8-year-old (a young 8). They all hang out with my ds (7). They're great examples of homeschooled kids. The only awkward thing dh tells me, is that their mom used to be dh's art teacher in hs and now we're such good friends :D

[justamouse]

Yes. I am the one with a nine year old and a 20-year old in college. I would hope that wouldn't stop someone from being friends with me.

 

Me too.

[Karen in CO]

and you met somebody who had children the age of yours, but also had older children (like in college older), would you want to be friends with them? What concerns would you have? Or wouldn't you care?

 

Golly, I hope you would want to be friends. :(

I have one in college then a 9yo and a 5yo.

I never considered that to be something people would consider a negative about me.

[Ravin]

Yes, especially if our DC got along. I have a friend who's in her 40's. Her youngest child is close to DD in age. She has 2 older children, one almost as old as me, one in her mid-twenties, and 2 stepchildren who are just out of high school. I like having her perspective.

 

Of course, I've always been inclined to have friends older than me. When I was in college at 16 I had a friend who was 42...we were both college students and liked RPG's, so had enough in common. Kids are a great "in common" factor. I also have friends in that same age category who don't have children, or who only have grown children, and friends my mother's age (and for pete's sake, my mom has 2 kids YOUNGER than my DD...)

 

Once you're an adult (especially once your an adult) age just isn't that important a factor in basing friendship, imo.

[cathmom]

It's not so much that the parents and I would be different ages - it's that we would be approximately the same age, BUT I already have a grown-up child and several more who are close.

 

Enough people have said they wouldn't care (except in cases of older dc watching their dc, which I would not do anyway) that I see now that it doesn't matter. Now if I could just find some time to make some friends!

[patchfire]

I had a friend who lived nearby that had one child my middle's age, and two then-high school age kids. They've since moved away and I desperately miss having her nearby - I thought it was such a boon, to find someone who had BTDT.

 

And now I'm ecstatic that my friends from high school are (at last) having children - I get to be the one who has BTDT! :)

[elegantlion]

It's really odd the things we worry about, isn't it?

 

I don't think it's odd to be concerned. When ds was that age, it wouldn't have been an issue. Honestly, I probably would have enjoyed watching you parent, knowing you'd been through that age before. I could have learned some things from you.

 

While the age of the parents isn't always an issue, it is nice to have an parent of similar age to talk with. My dh was 36, I was 30 when ds was born.

[LibraryLover]

It's not been a negative here. Several of my hsing friends have wide sib age ranges. One friend has a child the age of my youngest, and a child a year older than my oldest, another has one the age of my oldest with a child a year younger than my youngest. These folks have children in the middle teen range as well. While dh and I have one of the oldest eldest children, we aren't the oldest parents. Got all that? ;):D

 

A couple of my hsing friends are a bit older than I am, but with children the age of my youngest and younger. I also have some younger friends with kids the age of my youngest and younger. More clarity? ;) I like the mix.

Edited October 7, 2010 by LibraryLover