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Jkodman
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BettyL

BettyL

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Posted

I am so sorry you and your family have to face this illness. My grandmother had lung cancer and had never smoked. She had surgery to remove the cancerous part and lived on for many, many more years.

 

I will pray for your family. I'm am sure there are many others on this forum that will have wonderful advice and great encouragement for you.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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Kim in Appalachia

Kim in Appalachia

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:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. No advice, other than take it easy with school. Don't worry about what gets done. I don't know what you use, but maybe go to straight textbooks for a year, just so you can keep going for routine sake. Routine can be a blessing on the hard days.

 

:grouphug: I've dealt with lots of cancer in my life, and it just stinks. You and your family with be in my prayers.

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Mommyof4ks

Mommyof4ks

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:grouphug: :grouphug: I have not dealt with a dh with cancer, but my little son had cancer and went through 3 years of treatment while we homeschooled. Of course that did not affect our income or dh's ability to help. ACOR.org was a great resource and provided lots of support and resources.

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elegantlion

elegantlion

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:grouphug::grouphug: and prayers for your dh. I had a mild form of cancer (Hodgkin's disease) when I was 26, this was in our pre-child days. I don't know if any of this advice will be useful, so use what you can, toss the rest.

 

- Cut school to the 3Rs. Let everything else be interest led, good books from the library, DVDs, those can teach things other than the basics.

- Find a support system for yourself. Specifically those who are/have dealing with cancer and how it affects your family. Well intentioned friends and family may be dealing with the same emotions as you but may not be in a position to provide the support you need.

- Decide on some child care now. Try to find people who will protect your children's hearts during this time. My dh was great when I went through my tx. He was my guardian and didn't allow anyone who was talking about death/dying/looking at me as if I would die tomorrow around me. It was an issue we would have dealt with if need be. Cancer does not have the final diagnosis it once did. It sucks, it's horrid, and I hate it, but tx options have developed so much, it doesn't have to be the word whispered under the table now, kwim

- Know there will be days you will be spent. Have a box of tissues and some comfort food ready. It's okay to shut the bedroom door and have a good cry.

- Know there will be times when you will need to be strong for your dh. I had two surgeries and radiation tx. Surgery was physically hard, but I lost it when part of my hair fell out. You need to have that support system where you can spill out everything and then come home stronger, if for just a moment.

-You will have times when you feel like all your are doing is driving to doctors appointments. Make sure that child care is lined up, that you have people that can come over on short notice and stay an unlimited time.

-Decide how to frame this to your children. I didn't have my son when I had cancer, but we've had some rough health issues since he has been born. We've found being honest to be best, but you'll know in your heart what is best for your dc.

- Take notes at the doctors office. Don't depend on your dh to be able to understand or comprehend everything. There is a period of time you're just in shock and nothing sticks in your head.

-Depending on your personality, either google everything or don't google anything at all about your dh's form of cancer. I needed to know every gritty nasty detail and possibility. But it can be scary. If you're leery take your advice from your doctor and a few trusted sites, not the general public.

- Depending on your dh's personality help him to still feel like a man. I don't know if this makes sense, but if my dh is not well he feel like he's not a good provider, not fulfilling his position as a spouse, etc, it can really play on his emotions. Make sure he still feels empowered. I drove myself to all my radiation treatments, mostly because dh had to work. But it was an empowering time, I would listen to uplifting songs and take the time to clear my mind.

 

:grouphug: I wish you peace during this process.

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southcarolinamom

southcarolinamom

Posted
Posted
:grouphug::grouphug: and prayers for your dh. I had a mild form of cancer (Hodgkin's disease) when I was 26, this was in our pre-child days. I don't know if any of this advice will be useful, so use what you can, toss the rest.

 

- Cut school to the 3Rs. Let everything else be interest led, good books from the library, DVDs, those can teach things other than the basics.

- Find a support system for yourself. Specifically those who are/have dealing with cancer and how it affects your family. Well intentioned friends and family may be dealing with the same emotions as you but may not be in a position to provide the support you need.

- Decide on some child care now. Try to find people who will protect your children's hearts during this time. My dh was great when I went through my tx. He was my guardian and didn't allow anyone who was talking about death/dying/looking at me as if I would die tomorrow around me. It was an issue we would have dealt with if need be. Cancer does not have the final diagnosis it once did. It sucks, it's horrid, and I hate it, but tx options have developed so much, it doesn't have to be the word whispered under the table now, kwim

- Know there will be days you will be spent. Have a box of tissues and some comfort food ready. It's okay to shut the bedroom door and have a good cry.

- Know there will be times when you will need to be strong for your dh. I had two surgeries and radiation tx. Surgery was physically hard, but I lost it when part of my hair fell out. You need to have that support system where you can spill out everything and then come home stronger, if for just a moment.

-You will have times when you feel like all your are doing is driving to doctors appointments. Make sure that child care is lined up, that you have people that can come over on short notice and stay an unlimited time.

-Decide how to frame this to your children. I didn't have my son when I had cancer, but we've had some rough health issues since he has been born. We've found being honest to be best, but you'll know in your heart what is best for your dc.

- Take notes at the doctors office. Don't depend on your dh to be able to understand or comprehend everything. There is a period of time you're just in shock and nothing sticks in your head.

-Depending on your personality, either google everything or don't google anything at all about your dh's form of cancer. I needed to know every gritty nasty detail and possibility. But it can be scary. If you're leery take your advice from your doctor and a few trusted sites, not the general public.

- Depending on your dh's personality help him to still feel like a man. I don't know if this makes sense, but if my dh is not well he feel like he's not a good provider, not fulfilling his position as a spouse, etc, it can really play on his emotions. Make sure he still feels empowered. I drove myself to all my radiation treatments, mostly because dh had to work. But it was an empowering time, I would listen to uplifting songs and take the time to clear my mind.

 

:grouphug: I wish you peace during this process.

 

This is all excellent advice.

 

Please know that you aren't going through this trial alone... we are honored to uplift you and your husband and children in prayer. I'm so sorry! :grouphug:

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PiCO

PiCO

Posted
Posted
My 39 year old dh was just diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer (never smoked a day). Any others dealt with spouses' with cancer and homeschooling? Advice? Websites? I have 3 children 11 and under. Thanks.

 

I did. But we were in a situation where he could take all the time off work he needed (we have a family business.) Make sure your dh gets plenty of rest while he's going through treatment.

 

My kids were 4 & 9 when dh was diagnosed. One thing I know we did right was tell the kids the truth, at their level. Daddy has cancer. Not everyone dies from cancer, but some people do. Daddy has very good doctors, and they are going to work hard to take care of him. The treatment will make him very sick, but hopefully it will make the cancer sick also.

 

I have a friend whose dh had cancer, and she never told her kids how serious it was- I think because she didn't want to scare them. Her then-teenager didn't even realize she was visiting dad in the hospital to say good-bye. Very sad.

 

Good luck. Cancer treatment is a roller coaster. Good news, bad news.

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MommaOfThree

MommaOfThree

Posted
Posted

:grouphug::grouphug:

I am so sorry. I know that while not my DH, my father had Stage IV lung cancer (while pregnant w/my 3rd dc) and since my Mom couldnt deal all that well I took on many of the reponsibilities during that time.

 

Please seek comfort where you can, dont hide feelings from those you love, and most importantly ACCEPT HELP when it is offered. Dont feel you have to be strong for everyone else, this struggle can be emotionally draining so let others in to help.

 

And, I agree w/elegantlion .. Take notes on everything! Keep a notebook with you at all times & take notes from phone calls, at dr's appointments, medicines, etc. You may also want to invest now in a file box that latches (to carry with you while you go to appointments, just in case you need any paperwork, it's all right there).

 

Wishing you all the love & support you need. :grouphug::grouphug:

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Tiberia

Tiberia

Posted
Posted

Great answers above from Elegantlion. Lots of wisdom there.

 

I went through breast cancer treatments last year, our first year of homeschooling. My cancer was very mild compared to what you're looking at. I'm sorry you're having to face this.

 

I would try to add some normalcy into your kids' lives, and this may be through school work. Their world, and your world, will be turned upside down, but they can have solid times during the day or week where they know what to expect. Examples: one-on-one reading time daily, or listening to books on tape in the car or when you need to do other things.

 

Don't let their entire world and your whole family life get sucked into cancer. Don't get me wrong, it will feel like cancer is the center of your activities, but it doesn't have to be the center of your lives. Let the kids know about this at the level they can understand, and let them know they're part of the team in helping daddy. If you fly into a panic, so will they. If you face this with as much courage and determination as you can muster, so will they.

 

I wish you the best, and again, I'm sorry you're having to face this.

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Heather in the Kootenays

Heather in the Kootenays

Posted
Posted

:grouphug: I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

 

I have a good friend who was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer 6 months ago. I just saw her yesterday and she looks and feels great. Chemo really worked for her. So there's lots of hope.

 

I recently read a story about a man with young daughters who thought he was dying of cancer. He put together a group of his good friends to mentor his daughters if he died - substitute dads if you will. As it turned out he recovered but I thought it was a great idea.

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ereks mom

ereks mom

Posted
Posted
:grouphug::grouphug: and prayers for your dh. I had a mild form of cancer (Hodgkin's disease) when I was 26, this was in our pre-child days. I don't know if any of this advice will be useful, so use what you can, toss the rest.

 

- Cut school to the 3Rs. Let everything else be interest led, good books from the library, DVDs, those can teach things other than the basics.

- Find a support system for yourself. Specifically those who are/have dealing with cancer and how it affects your family. Well intentioned friends and family may be dealing with the same emotions as you but may not be in a position to provide the support you need.

- Decide on some child care now. Try to find people who will protect your children's hearts during this time. My dh was great when I went through my tx. He was my guardian and didn't allow anyone who was talking about death/dying/looking at me as if I would die tomorrow around me. It was an issue we would have dealt with if need be. Cancer does not have the final diagnosis it once did. It sucks, it's horrid, and I hate it, but tx options have developed so much, it doesn't have to be the word whispered under the table now, kwim

- Know there will be days you will be spent. Have a box of tissues and some comfort food ready. It's okay to shut the bedroom door and have a good cry.

- Know there will be times when you will need to be strong for your dh. I had two surgeries and radiation tx. Surgery was physically hard, but I lost it when part of my hair fell out. You need to have that support system where you can spill out everything and then come home stronger, if for just a moment.

-You will have times when you feel like all your are doing is driving to doctors appointments. Make sure that child care is lined up, that you have people that can come over on short notice and stay an unlimited time.

-Decide how to frame this to your children. I didn't have my son when I had cancer, but we've had some rough health issues since he has been born. We've found being honest to be best, but you'll know in your heart what is best for your dc.

- Take notes at the doctors office. Don't depend on your dh to be able to understand or comprehend everything. There is a period of time you're just in shock and nothing sticks in your head.

-Depending on your personality, either google everything or don't google anything at all about your dh's form of cancer. I needed to know every gritty nasty detail and possibility. But it can be scary. If you're leery take your advice from your doctor and a few trusted sites, not the general public.

- Depending on your dh's personality help him to still feel like a man. I don't know if this makes sense, but if my dh is not well he feel like he's not a good provider, not fulfilling his position as a spouse, etc, it can really play on his emotions. Make sure he still feels empowered. I drove myself to all my radiation treatments, mostly because dh had to work. But it was an empowering time, I would listen to uplifting songs and take the time to clear my mind.

 

:grouphug: I wish you peace during this process.

 

:iagree: Praying for your family!

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Jkodman

Jkodman

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Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. You have no idea how much your support means across so much distance. I realize we are a huge homeschool community no matter where we live. Thank you again. I have been reading on and off all day and the words truly encourgage. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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kewb

kewb

Posted
Posted

I am very sorry you are going through this. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with your family.

You have gotten some excellent advice on schooling and dealing with Doctors and Treatment,.

 

Having recently gone through this with dh's aunt I will say the buzz in cancer treatment is to have a lead Doctor that coordinates with all others. Reality check: Sounds great, looks great on paper. However, do not abdicate this responsibility. You will still need to be on top of things. Doctors are human, they have egos, other patients, etc.

 

If your dh is interested in Holistic treatments to go along with chemo please research thoroughly. Holistic treatments can and do work but some do interfere with the effectiveness of chemo/radiation.

 

Do not be a martyr. Accept help and ask for help. When my dh was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer 6 years ago I did not want to accept help. I did and am eternally grateful to those who forced me to accept their gifts.

 

Friends: This is a time when you will truly find out who your friends are. People who you would expect nothing from will surprise you by stepping up to the plate. People who you would expect to be there for you will disappear. Try not to judge them too harshly. Some people have a difficult time dealing with someone's illness. They simply do not know what to do and then they do nothing. Your state of mind will be better served if you do not dwell on them.

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Britomart

Britomart

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Posted

My husband had melanoma, but that was in our pre-homeschooling days, so I can't help there. And ours was caught early enough that I imagine you have a longer road to go than I did. I just wanted to say: :grouphug:. My best advice - and this sounds simple and goofy, but I swear it's not in practice, and it's what keep me sane and helped us through - is pray a lot, and get others praying for you, and for your husband and for your kids. Let others lift the burdens whenever they're willing to, because there will be plenty of burdens you'll have to lift on your own. And those ones, let God always lift them with you.

 

Again, I know that sounds goofy to say, but it's the truest thing I know. Praying for you.

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sbgrace

sbgrace

Posted
Posted

:grouphug: I will pray for your husband, you, the kids, the entire family.

 

I've had a lot of cancer in my family but not myself or my husband. Some outcomes have been amazing with some initially bad prognosis and all those were with clinical trials. I imagine your husbands doctor has or will speak with you about that possibility. Let God guide but I will say that I spoke with many people who wished they had done clinical trials from the outset and a few who couldn't participate in some because they had tried standard treatments first that made them ineligible at the time of enrollment.

 

It may be helpful to have someone else with you for major appointments that will be able to think clearly, ask questions, take notes. It's very hard to absorb and remember what the doctor is saying, remember to ask questions you had, etc. when you're carrying all the emotion as either the patient or the loved one. My son has a serious medical condition and if I couldn't have someone with me to take notes I would tape record the appointments.

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prairiegirl

prairiegirl

Posted
Posted

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I had cancer last year. It wasn't as serious as your dh's but it still sent our family for a loop.

 

When we first found out we did no school except read alouds, lots and lots of read alouds. When I thought the kids were strong enough, then we started doing the 3r's but it took a few weeks to get to that point. As insane as it sounds, I remember those first few weeks fondly as we spent that time closely as a family. We read lots, watched DVDs, went on oodles of walks and had great discussions.

 

I agree with PiCO, telling the truth is the best thing. Tell them the truth at the level that they can handle it. I was very honest with my kids from the very beginning. Telling them the truth helped them and it helped me as well.

 

Again, :grouphug: to you.

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Negin

Negin

Posted
Posted (edited)

Lots and lots of :grouphug:. So sorry to hear this. I have not yet read all the posts yet, but definitely will.

Maybe someone has already suggested this. I HIGHLY recommend a very hopeful, encouraging, and most of all, practical book - The Anti Cancer Book. Amazing. I recommend this book to everyone, not just those with cancer or affected by cancer. My dh LOVED this book and he doesn't usually read this kind of stuff. at. all.

 

http://www.anticancerbook.com/

 

I just read that about 13% of those diagnosed w/lung cancer are nonsmokers. I have lots of practical tips on dealing with cancer, but I don't want to sound annoying or overwhelming. This is not a time to overwhelm, I know.

Edited by Negin in Grenada
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cin

cin

Posted
Posted
:grouphug: I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

 

I have a good friend who was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer 6 months ago. I just saw her yesterday and she looks and feels great. Chemo really worked for her. So there's lots of hope.

 

I recently read a story about a man with young daughters who thought he was dying of cancer. He put together a group of his good friends to mentor his daughters if he died - substitute dads if you will. As it turned out he recovered but I thought it was a great idea.

 

 

I just read that too. He has recovered, and his daughters now have 7 dads.. Those men were the the kind of men that would protect those girls, nurture them, teach them to throw a baseball, and take them to father/daughter dances, if necessary. Those girls are about the luckiest girls on earth. EVERY child should be so lucky!!

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scrapbabe

scrapbabe

Posted
Posted

Haven't had time to read all the other responses. But I had cancer last year and we stopped school completely. We were honest we our kids about what was going on but tried to be positive and share our faith with them that I would be okay. They were 12, 9, 4. If you've told them (and even if you haven't) they'll be scared and wonder why mom and dad are so worried and stressed. So I would take time to just love them, let them ask the questions they need to ask to feel better. (My 9 yr old thought it was contagious and worried he'd catch it). Spend good quality time together, maybe reading, maybe going to the park... but I wouldn't try to do homeschool right now. Your focus should be getting your husband better and helping your family to cope through it.

 

I am so sorry for your pain and fear and heartache. I know it's hard right now... so just hug your hubby and hug your kiddos.

 

Smiles,

Shalynn

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