How much would pride come into play in your DH quitting a job?

[melissel]

Without going into too much detail, DH is considering quitting his job because one of his deals was taken by another sales agent when he was out of the office. The other agent did and said several unethical things, but there's a tiny and rarely used loophole that allows the agent to take this deal away without repercussions, and DH's boss is allowing it. DH is enraged at the way this went down, particularly because the other agent is a snake and poor salesperson, and DH and his partner have helped this person along the whole time the agent has been with them.

 

Now, DH is scheduled to move to another situation soon, and it's a good one. But he's so angry and feels so betrayed by his boss that he's considering quitting and going to work with another employee (and friend) who left for similar reasons. No one's been happy with the way the company's being run lately, but on a personal financial level, DH has done pretty well there, and it looks like he'll continue doing well. If he leaves for this new job, there are no guarantees. His friend hasn't made any sales yet, though he's talking the company up like crazy.

 

DH wants my advice, but my opinions are colored by the fact that I left my job in February and would do almost anything not to have to go back to work. My instincts say that he should just deal, there are sales snakes anywhere you go, and that he's well thought of and in a good situation where he's going. But I don't want to pressure him to continue working somewhere where he's unhappy and feels betrayed.

 

What would your DH do in this situation? What would you do? How important is this kind of thing in a working environment? Working in sales is just horrid, and I'm so glad I never had to do it! Customer service was bad enough.

 

TIA for you thoughts!

[Teachin'Mine]

I hate to say it, but in this economy, I'd encourage him to just hang in there as he'll be going into a different situation soon. Sales is often cut-throat.

 

:grouphug:

[Pippen]

Now, DH is scheduled to move to another situation soon, and it's a good one. But he's so angry and feels so betrayed by his boss that he's considering quitting and going to work with another employee (and friend) who left for similar reasons. No one's been happy with the way the company's being run lately, but on a personal financial level, DH has done pretty well there, and it looks like he'll continue doing well. If he leaves for this new job, there are no guarantees. His friend hasn't made any sales yet, though he's talking the company up like crazy.

!

 

If it's short term and a better situation is upcoming, in this economy my advice definitely would be to just deal with it.

[rookie]

Both DH and I have gone through this. As you say, this type of person exists in every employment environment and moving on will not keep your DH from running into the same situation again.

 

We both chose to stick it out and continue to do excellent work with a good attitude. In the end (and it took months for one and over a year for the other) the snakes got fired! They were discovered - not because DH or I pointed it out (which just comes across as immature tattle-taling) but because short-cuts and underheanded dealings do not work in the long run. Excellent work and excellent attitude do.

 

So, I would encourage your DH to let it go and focus on what HE CAN DO, on what HE can bring to the job, on how HE can serve with excellence and let the snakes enjoy their moment - it's just that.

[Twinmom]

I'd suggest that he swallow his pride and stay until he can move on to the better position. I'd also suggest that he take the high road but that he stop helping the offending sales guy in any way, at all!

 

So sorry. DH has been there and done that, for sure. Sales is tough business.

[Wheres Toto]

I agree, sales jobs are absolutely horrid. It sounds like working with the friend would be a start-up company situation? I'd love to say I'd support my husband in whatever it would take to make him happy but....given the economy the way it is and the number of people who are out of work, I'd have a hard time supporting him in leaving a stable, decent job for something so risky over what amounts to his feelings being hurt.

 

If I knew more about what industry the friends company was in it might make a difference. Is it a real growth industry that has a lot of potential if they work hard? Or is it dependent on people paying for something that wouldn't be considered a necessity at a time when most individuals and companies are watching their spending closely?

 

DH has wanted to leave his job a couple of times after run-ins with his immediate boss. He always stayed because he feels a strong sense of responsibility about providing for our family. Other than the immediate boss, he generally likes his job and the people though.

[MelanieM]

I would say never make a decision when you are in the heat of the moment. So perhaps he can carry on for a couple of weeks, allow things to settle and his emotions to cool off, and then make a decision from that more rational frame of mind.

[Laura Corin]

I hate to say it' date=' but in this economy, I'd encourage him to just hang in there as he'll be going into a different situation soon. Sales is often cut-throat.

 

:grouphug:[/quote']

 

I'd stay put.

 

Laura

[rafiki]

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[Sahamamama]

A few years ago, my husband's company told him that if he did A, B, and C they would promote him into a management position. Well, he did A, B, and C -- and went far beyond -- but no promotion. The "clip-board holders" would see him in between their meetings and say, "Oh, D______, I was just looking at your proposal, it's great! I'll get back to you next week..."

 

Next week: :toetap05:

 

Then, it was, "Oh, D_________, so sorry we haven't moved on that promotion of yours! We'll meet and I'll bring it up next month...."

 

Next month: :toetap05:

 

Then, it was, "Oh, D__________, you really have been patient! We're all on vacation because of the holidays, but next year...."

 

Next year: :toetap05:

 

Long story, short -- Thanksgiving came and went, Christmas came and went, the New Year came and went... all the milestones they had used to stall him, to keep him doing the work without the pay and title. He went on doing his work, according to his job description -- no extras.

 

All this time, we were looking.... ;) Should I mention, he has a GREAT job now!? Time does have a way of changing our perspective, and you're right about sales -- it's cut-throat, no matter where you do it. HTH. :grouphug:

 

SHOUT OUT TO A FELLOW NEW JERSEYAN: Hey! What exit? LOL!

 

No, seriously, as expensive as life is here in New Jersey, I would probably encourage my husband to keep his job until something better opens up. Since having children, my husband has become extremely good at hanging in. :)

Edited June 16, 2010 by Sahamamama

[Parrothead]

I wouldn't quit without a back up plan in place. Start looking now for a new situation. As soon as he has a new job, quit the PITA job.

[Mejane]

My husband is in sales. You're right about the snakes. It's inherent, and one really just has to deal. People like that usually shoot themselves in the foot eventually.

[kmacnchs]

My dh quit his job in Dec. I felt he was being pretty prideful for the situation he was quitting over but I trust my dh and in general, he is wise beyond his years. I told my mom that I thought he was maybe taking the situation too far but my mom said, "you don't know what it's like to deal with a boss like that day after day. This was probably the straw that broke the camel's back" - she told me about a similar situation that she was in and how horrible it was - it helped me to understand and support him even more.

 

Everyone's situation is different though. If you really had some reservations and thought your dh did not know about them, I would present them to him gently but *I* would still support him fully and try not to advise him unless it was asked.

[ereks mom]

I hate to say it' date=' but in this economy, I'd encourage him to just hang in there as he'll be going into a different situation soon. Sales is often cut-throat.

 

:grouphug:[/quote']

 

:iagree:

[susancollins]

I had the same situation happen when I was selling real estate. I decided to leave the business when my third child was born people in real estate and sales are too cut throat.

[Gooblink]

Certainly, being self-employed offers better job security than being at the mercy of the whims of fickle managers and office politics. I'm no entrepreneur, but my husband is and we're almost 5 years into our own startup. It's still a hard road, but one we're not ready to jump off. One thing we are confident of is that he's in no danger of losing his job!

 

Having said that, starting your own gig is not for the faint of heart and don't expect it to be an easy road. Start-ups are not for those who want to work "8-5" with regular vacations, bonuses and health benefits. Also, if you're accostomed to regular paychecks...throw that out the window for the first several years - potentially.

 

A poor economy just means you have to work harder to "kill what you eat." If your husband and his friend are really good at what they do and not afraid to work harder than they've ever done in their lives...I'd say go for it.

 

From one who has been there and is there still...

[Corraleno]

Now, DH is scheduled to move to another situation soon, and it's a good one. But he's so angry and feels so betrayed by his boss that he's considering quitting and going to work with another employee (and friend) who left for similar reasons. No one's been happy with the way the company's being run lately, but on a personal financial level, DH has done pretty well there, and it looks like he'll continue doing well. If he leaves for this new job, there are no guarantees. His friend hasn't made any sales yet, though he's talking the company up like crazy.

If he's scheduled to move into a new position soon, he should really just stay put. His family needs the financial security and it will look better on his resume than job-hopping. If his friend makes a success of his new business, your DH can always join his company at some point in the future, when it's less risky.

 

If your DH quits as a "screw you, you can't do this to me" gesture to his boss, then essentially he's assuaging his hurt pride by letting his family take the bullet for him. If the family ends up in financial trouble, and you have to go back to work, then he's just passed along the stress and pain caused by the "snake" in his office to his wife and kids, in order to avoid it himself. I would not be happy about that.

 

Jackie

[Blueridge]

<<How much would pride come into play in your DH quitting a job?>>

 

Honestly, I believe that pride is a sinful characteristic that should not be used as a motivation for our actions. I remember that your dh was not very supportive of your desire to leave your former job to be home with your children. Maybe this difficult situation is actually a good opportunity for your dh to grow in a character area (I mean this kindly, not judging :)) and learn some hard lessons...having grace and fortitude under pressure...being a positive example to those scum-bags he works with...I really think he should buckle down and do whatever his job requires to take care of his family.

[lllll]

..

[Kate CA]

I think your husband would be absolutely crazy to leave a job over something like that. This is one of the hardest economies in my almost 40 years of living. My dh was out of work for 8 months with almost nothing available out there.

[Carol in Cal.]

I think your husband would be absolutely crazy to leave a job over something like that. This is one of the hardest economies in my almost 40 years of living. My dh was out of work for 8 months with almost nothing available out there.

 

Somehow I missed this. Is everything OK now?

 

I agree--this is an extremely tough economy, jobwise.

[tex-mex]

I hate to say it' date=' but in this economy, I'd encourage him to just hang in there as he'll be going into a different situation soon. Sales is often cut-throat.

 

:grouphug:[/quote']

:iagree: Hubby left his position awhile back to work for a friend's start-up... and 2 years later it is a mess $$$ legally with investors and all of the employees are not happy with lack of funds. Add in the bad economy. Your dh needs to stay put. Sorry co-worker & boss are idiots. But better to deal with that over little pay or no paycheck.

[tex-mex]

Having said that, starting your own gig is not for the faint of heart and don't expect it to be an easy road. Start-ups are not for those who want to work "8-5" with regular vacations, bonuses and health benefits. Also, if you're accostomed to regular paychecks...throw that out the window for the first several years - potentially.

 

A poor economy just means you have to work harder to "kill what you eat." If your husband and his friend are really good at what they do and not afraid to work harder than they've ever done in their lives...I'd say go for it.

 

From one who has been there and is there still...

It is like "sweat" labor in a start up. No funds right away. There are 3 employees in the start up my dh is with... this month, they all applied for food stamps and were accepted. We're using the job placement assistance with food stamps to get another job. One sales guy is now working cooking food at a fast food joint for minimum wage. The boss is also looking for work while on emergency food stamps. The economy affects job hunting. I'm glad you are doing good! :)

[kewb]

I understand your husband's desire to quit but that would be a bit like cutting off his nose to spite his face. If I were him (and this the same advice I gave my dh until he finally took the plunge and started his own business) I would stay in the job. Document everything. I can not stress that enough-document, document, document-all the atta boys and all the oh s**ts. While documenting and continuing to to do his job to the best of his abilities (no longer assisting the snake) update the resume and network and search for a new opportunity. It is never wise to leave a job without having a new one lined up especially in this economy. Sure, it will feel really good to walk in there and quit but that is pride talking.

[OrganicAnn]

I would also consider how much money you have in the bank. If he quits and goes to work for the friend and that doesn't work out, how much money do you have to live on. If you have 2 years of wages saved up (not counting retirement fund and college funds), then you could consider it.

 

Maybe if you work on a plan of saving money, it will focus your DH on something constructive.

[kalanamak]

His friend hasn't made any sales yet, though he's talking the company up like crazy.

!

 

Does his friend get a commission for recruiting someone new?

[Carol in Cal.]

Pride

Morals

Responsibility

 

Pride: If he quits, it's out of wounded pride. Maybe he's going to be pushed around forever if he stays. Maybe it's a good move. My vote? It only becomes a good move if he has a comparable or better position to jump to. Start that job hunt right now!

 

Morals: If he is asked to do something immoral, he shouldn't do it. If need be, he should quit. If he has to steal someone else's work to make a living at this place, because that's just the kind of place it is, he should quit. "What profit it a man if he gain the whole world but lose his soul?"

 

Responsibility: He is responsible for his family. That goes ahead of pride and behind morals. There is a moral issue here as well. If it's just a matter of responsibility vs. pride, he should keep the job to take care of his family. Nothing wrong with looking for another one at the same time, though.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I hate to say it' date=' but in this economy, I'd encourage him to just hang in there as he'll be going into a different situation soon. Sales is often cut-throat.

 

:grouphug:[/quote']

 

I'd suggest that he swallow his pride and stay until he can move on to the better position. I'd also suggest that he take the high road but that he stop helping the offending sales guy in any way, at all!

 

So sorry. DH has been there and done that, for sure. Sales is tough business.

 

I would say never make a decision when you are in the heat of the moment. So perhaps he can carry on for a couple of weeks, allow things to settle and his emotions to cool off, and then make a decision from that more rational frame of mind.

 

Be the better person and stay, especially in this economy. Network, update his resume, and look for an opportunity to work for a company that he respects.

 

<<How much would pride come into play in your DH quitting a job?>>

 

Honestly, I believe that pride is a sinful characteristic that should not be used as a motivation for our actions. I remember that your dh was not very supportive of your desire to leave your former job to be home with your children. Maybe this difficult situation is actually a good opportunity for your dh to grow in a character area (I mean this kindly, not judging :)) and learn some hard lessons...having grace and fortitude under pressure...being a positive example to those scum-bags he works with...I really think he should buckle down and do whatever his job requires to take care of his family.

 

 

Those sum my thoughts up! :grouphug: Hang in there!

[melissel]

Thank you for your thoughts everyone. He's back in the office today, so he's going in calmly and will see what happens. I think we've moved past the initial "I'm going today to interview with XYZ!", thankfully. The friend's company isn't a start-up, and the friend doesn't own it, but he believes in the product, and DH thinks it might be a growing trend (related to green building). I'm not so sure, but then, I have a hard time believing in most business models and am constantly amazed at what people will pay for!

 

I know that a guy can only take so much, and I definitely want him to feel pride in his job and company. But my biggest concern is that DH still sort of has the attitude that I can just go on back to work if we need me to, and I don't want him acting on that assumption! Yes, I will go back to work if it's a choice between starvation or living on the streets and homeschooling and being here with the girls, but that's pretty much what it will take!

 

Anyway, we'll know more tonight, I guess, but I think (hope!) DH has calmed down. I'm sure we'll be discussing it more, and your thoughts have given me a good platform for discussion.

 

Thank you!

[Mary in VA]

I would say never make a decision when you are in the heat of the moment. So perhaps he can carry on for a couple of weeks, allow things to settle and his emotions to cool off, and then make a decision from that more rational frame of mind.

 

 

:iagree: I would say to wait. He knows who he can trust and who he can't in his current job and he has an income. It's impossible to make a rational decision when your mind is clouded by anger. Wait and see what happens in his new situation and take the time to calmly access a possible change.

 

My husband has never been in sales but he has had a couple of times in his career where he has been treated in a HUGELY unfair way. It is so hard for men because their identity can be so tied up in what they do. Women less so.

 

:grouphug:

 

Mary

[Laurie4b]

I agree; he should just deal. Now he's been warned and can take steps to protect himself in the future. I think he should let his boss know how this has impacted him--if he's a producer and snake isn't, it will make boss think. Bosses like to protect their producers.

[Mynyel]

I agree with other posters. If he knows he is going somewhere better anyway,stick it out and paste on the smile. Tell him that nothing is certain nowadays and to stick with it.

[Impish]

Wolf used to be in sales.

 

I thank God daily he's out.

 

He quit a job unexpectedly when I was pg with Princess. It was a morals issue, the owner wanted him to do things that were unethical, and he couldn't take it.

 

So, he jumped into the first job he could find, landscaping. And it turned out to be something he loves. He's now working for an excellent company, year round, no more seasonal cr*p.

 

That being said, I'd advise your dh to stick in there. Start ups are risky, and without a single sale to their name...nuh uh. He's due to get out of his current situation soon, so hang tight.

 

I know how angry he is. The deal being stolen out from under him means that food has been taken from his kids mouths. That's how Wolf would see it, absolutely.

 

But Wolf also quit another job because of something similar...he thought he was going to a good placement, but if he'd talked to me first, it wouldn't have happened...it just worked against his strengths.

 

Thankfully, we've learned together, and he makes no job move without talking to me...including applying for a promotion he was asked to apply for recently.

 

Soothe him as best you can, be his cheerleader, remind him its just for a bit longer, but encourage him to stay put.

[Murphy101]

There's not much my dh has more pride in than providing for his family.

That trumps any pride over office politics.

 

If he could support us sans that job, then he'd feel free to move on if he felt that the best move long term.

 

But no way he'd do it otherwise.

 

Especially in this economy.

[Plucky]

There's not much my dh has more pride in than providing for his family.

That trumps any pride over office politics.

 

If he could support us sans that job, then he'd feel free to move on if he felt that the best move long term.

 

But no way he'd do it otherwise.

 

Especially in this economy.

 

Excellent post. :iagree:

[Karis]

There's not much my dh has more pride in than providing for his family.

That trumps any pride over office politics.

 

If he could support us sans that job, then he'd feel free to move on if he felt that the best move long term.

 

But no way he'd do it otherwise.

 

Especially in this economy.

 

:iagree:

 

He'll need some TLC and lots of support from you. Emphasize the positives!! and make home wonderfully welcoming. (Ask me how I know)

 

You don't quit a job when others are losing theirs. That would be foolish. This is a perfect opportunity for growth and character building.

 

And when he dreams of quitting his job, selling the house, moving out of state, buying a farmette, and living off the land with no stress... (Like someone I know... )

 

:001_huh:

 

Dream with him. ;)

 

Often a man's identity is tied to his job. This is hard for him.

[Kate CA]

Somehow I missed this. Is everything OK now?

 

I agree--this is an extremely tough economy, jobwise.

 

I am sorry I missed responding to this. Yes, God is good, Carol! He has a great job and things are going very well. :001_smile: It was an amazing eight months living in the hands of God, but He is faithful and we are better for it! Thanks for asking.

[keptwoman]

Now, DH is scheduled to move to another situation soon, and it's a good one. But he's so angry and feels so betrayed by his boss that he's considering quitting and going to work with another employee (and friend) who left for similar reasons. No one's been happy with the way the company's being run lately, but on a personal financial level, DH has done pretty well there, and it looks like he'll continue doing well. If he leaves for this new job, there are no guarantees. His friend hasn't made any sales yet, though he's talking the company up like crazy.

DH went to work for a friend many years ago, the company was talked up to us and when he arrived he found quite a different story. It was also a sales role. It cost us a lot of money and a very special friendship. Working for a friend is dicey at the best of times, and in this situation, it's not a good idea.