Already annoyed with local homeschooling group

[Mom2J112903]

The *very* first time I met the group was for an ASL class-it was to start at 330p, NO ONE showed up (besides J and I) until 345p!!! J was in tears because no one else was there and he knows that we do NOT wait more than 15 minutes on *anyone* unless they call and let us know that they are running late. Some of the members live VERY close to where the ASL classes are held, there is NO reason NOT to be on time. One Mom even stated "homeschoolers are not used to being anywhere on time" WHAT?!

 

Yesterday the local group was having their end-of-year party. I thought it would be nice to go and meet some other families. Well, it was scheduled to start at 2p...I was running late and did not get there until 2p, I figured I would be one of the last ones there. Nope, NO ONE else was there! I waited around until 215p and decided since no one else had shown up for an event that was scheduled to start at 2p, anyone whom would be there would have already came. One member stated she did not show until 220p!

 

Now when something is to start at a certain time, that does not mean 15 minutes later. Why not just schedule it for 15 minutes later?

 

I refuse to allow my son to think that it is perfectly acceptable to be late. What is this teaching him-nothing! Yes, he was very sad that we had to leave, but I took time out of *my* very busy day and after waiting for 15 minutes, I had no choice but to leave.

 

Please tell me not all homeschoolers have this "when we arrive, we arrive, no big deal" attitude. Yes, running late just because you want to or are "not used to being on time" is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. This was/is NEVER a problem with Josef's Parachiol School friends.

[gingersmom]

I heard the same song and dance when we began homeschooling.

 

Homeschoolers are always late

Homeschoolers are always late

 

Then I am not going to be part of your group.

 

My time is as important as yours.

 

I found other homeschoolers who were on time. Worked out much better.

 

15-20 minutes is nothing though to some of the people I met. They would organize a get together and then show an hour or more later!

[Mom0012]

Being on time is important to me and I would have been very annoyed about everyone being late for the class. Where was the teacher? Was she late too or were you teaching the class?

 

As far as a more casual social activity, I find that people usually do not show up right on the dot (homeschoolers or not) and will usually arrive about 15 or 20 minutes after the start date for a large group gathering at a park or something like that. Otherwise, I know I'll probably be sitting by myself until everyone else does arrive.

 

I also think you coud still teach your son that being on time is important just by being on time yourself. I would never leave an activity that my kids were excited about because someone else was 15 minutes late. I would feel like I was punishing my kids for someone else's actions.

 

Lisa

[fivetails]

 

I also think you coud still teach your son that being on time is important just by being on time yourself. I would never leave an activity that my kids were excited about because someone else was 15 minutes late. I would feel like I was punishing my kids for someone else's actions.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Your son didn't do anything wrong - why did HE have to miss out? (and likely hear how fun it was from other kids later)

 

I'm assuming that you'd taken more than 15 minutes out of your day for the party??

[MIch elle]

I always show up on time unless I learn that the culture says that they will always start late so then I too show up late because I don't want to waste my time.

 

I agree with you. Responsible adults and children SHOULD be ON TIME. It's not just homeschoolers who are prone to doing this. :001_huh:

[Mom2J112903]

The Teacher was late, but she is a Public School Teacher, so I understand that sometimes she can not get out right on time.

 

I already spoke with J about not being able to stay if they had been late-he understands that our time is important and we had other things to do yesterday. We just could not stay and wait while there were other things to be done that could not wait any longer. He was, and is still not, feeling 100%, so waiting around and getting annoyed was not jiving well with him.

 

I HATE being late, I hate even showing up *at* the start time, I almost always arrive 5-10 minutes early. I give myself enough time so just in case I run into traffic (like we did yesterday) that we will not be late.

 

I do not know of another homeschooling group here in our area. There are many others in cities an hour+ from us, and I do plan on meeting with them when we can.

 

How can I nicely explain to them that being late is something that is un-acceptable to me and I do not want J thinking being late is ok. My time IS important and does NOT revolve around homeschooling functions. I do have a life outside of homeschooling and I honestly think that some have that attitude, homeschooling is *it*.

[G5052]

I was a support group leader and have taught in three different co-ops, and some groups do have a culture of who-cares-if-we-say-we'll-come-and-don't-show-up and who-cares-if-we're-30-minutes-or-more-late. In other groups you'll have a few who are always late, but most make their best effort to be there and on time.

 

That kind of thing perpetually bugs me because I've always worked and homeschooled, and I know that in the "real" world bosses fire people who don't show up and/or are late. Life does indeed sometimes get in the way of that, but to always be that way as some homeschoolers are is indeed frustrating. I decided to not hang out with that type of homeschooler, especially with groups with that attitude ingrained :D.

[Mom2J112903]

Very good point! I know there are other cultures which "running late" is accepted and being early is considered rude. Now for me this would take getting used to but I would do it because it is the culture. Just like wearing something or not wearing something, you do as the culture does.

 

I always show up on time unless I learn that the culture says that they will always start late so then I too show up late because I don't want to waste my time.

 

I agree with you. Responsible adults and children SHOULD be ON TIME. It's not just homeschoolers who are prone to doing this. :001_huh:

 

We have not came across this until we met the local homeschooling group. J has friends from Catholic School, a local Mom's Group, and an Asperger's Group-we ALL are on time. It is just the way they put it that struck a raw nerve with me.

[Mom2J112903]

 

That kind of thing perpetually bugs me because I've always worked and homeschooled, and I know that in the "real" world bosses fire people who don't show up and/or are late. Life does indeed sometimes get in the way of that, but to always be that way as some homeschoolers are is indeed frustrating. I decided to not hang out with that type of homeschooler, especially with groups with that attitude ingrained :D.

 

I worked until J was 3.4yrs of age, and while most of that time was only part time, I still worked. I was a nurse, there was NO way I could be late for work! I want J to learn that in the "real" world, being late is NOT an option.

 

At least we still have other groups of friends whom are always on time.

[Caribbean Queen]

:chillpill: Add 20 minutes to whatever time they tell you. If they say something starts at 2:00 make a mental note to be there at 2:20.

[elegantlion]

Promptness is a pet peeve of mine. :glare: At a minimum the leader of the event should be there early and ready to go at event time. I agree on trying to find another group, it sounds like a habitual issue and would only continue to irk me.

[shinyhappypeople]

 

How can I nicely explain to them that being late is something that is un-acceptable to me and I do not want J thinking being late is ok. My time IS important and does NOT revolve around homeschooling functions. I do have a life outside of homeschooling and I honestly think that some have that attitude, homeschooling is *it*.

 

I know it's frustrating. :grouphug:

Until you're better established in the group you don't say anything. You know now that 2:00 p.m. means 2:15 p.m. As for your son, don't mention the official start time to him, tell him the realistic one (15 min. later).

 

I know it's annoying. But, please don't write the group off because of this. You might miss out on meeting some really great people.

[Mom2J112903]

I have honestly thought about this. Then the function runs over 20 minutes or so, and then whatever I have planned for the rest of the day is off. 20 minutes is a BIG deal for us some days. I do not know which is more rude-being late or leaving early.

 

:chillpill: Add 20 minutes to whatever time they tell you. If they say something starts at 2:00 make a mental note to be there at 2:20.

[Mom2J112903]

I know it's frustrating. :grouphug:

Until you're better established in the group you don't say anything. You know now that 2:00 p.m. means 2:15 p.m. As for your son, don't mention the official start time to him, tell him the realistic one (15 min. later).

 

I know it's annoying. But, please don't write the group off because of this. You might miss out on meeting some really great people.

 

 

There *are* some really great people and kiddos in the group. This is what is so frustrating, J is already forming friendships and I *really* want this to work out.

 

Is is really that hard to be on time???

[elegantlion]

I have honestly thought about this. Then the function runs over 20 minutes or so, and then whatever I have planned for the rest of the day is off. 20 minutes is a BIG deal for us some days. I do not know which is more rude-being late or leaving early.

 

Depends on the event on how easy it is to leave early. If it's informal, great, pack up and leave. If you're asked, say we have an appointment I can't be late for. :D If it's a class it's a little harder to leave in the middle, kwim.

 

I worked until ds was born, ran classes and meeting at church and in small groups after he was born. I always started on time and if people showed up later, great, don't disturb what is already going on. I mean five minutes after time as everyone is getting ready is one thing. 15 minutes late and no one is there yet? Not a habit I want to get into.

[shinyhappypeople]

I have honestly thought about this. Then the function runs over 20 minutes or so, and then whatever I have planned for the rest of the day is off. 20 minutes is a BIG deal for us some days. I do not know which is more rude-being late or leaving early.

 

Factor in the fact that the event will run late. After you've gotten to know some of the families, decide then if this is worth stressing over.

 

Also, you can think of this as a way to model to your son that it's good to be patient with people and get to know them before deciding whether or not to write them off.

[lionfamily1999]

It sounds like J wants to do this. Are you doing this for him? If so, then I'd probably grin and bare it. If this is something you're doing for yourself, then write it off.

 

I would not, under any circumstances, attempt to teach the other adults about promptness. I can't see how that could possibly turn out well.

[abbeyej]

I'm sorry. That's really frustrating. It is *not* universally true of all home school groups.

[Kim in Appalachia]

I don't like running late and I find it rude when others constantly run late and find it acceptable. But I know I can't change other people. If you want to try and make this group work you should try and gently change it. I would mention that by starting late you will be late for other appointments. I would not say it in an angry way, but casually. I would keep showing up on time, and when others are late I would ask if they need a later start time. I would keep trying to stress, again, in the nicest way possible, that keeping on time shows respect for others since other people may have other places to be.

 

Homeschoolers are a very independent lot, and often do not like being forced into any schedule or mold. That is not an excuse for rudeness or laziness, but it why some are so resistant to being on time.

 

Try and exercise some patience for your own sake and for your son. Getting angry will not help and the others won't care. You can either patiently try and change the culture of the group or find another group.

 

Sorry they were so rude. I do know that it's aggravating.

[Supertechmom]

..... culture of who-cares-if-we-say-we'll-come-and-don't-show-up and who-cares-if-we're-30-minutes-or-more-late. In other groups you'll have a few who are always late, but most make their best effort to be there and on time.

 

 

Promptness is a pet peeve of mine. :glare: At a minimum the leader of the event should be there early and ready to go at event time.

 

:iagree:

 

When i first started hs and running events, I would wait on people. Then, I realized I was feeding the problem. Now when I run an event, we start when we say. If it's at 2:00, we start at 2:00 even if it is just me. I never said anything about it. After a few times of this, more people started showing up on time and now it's just a few that are late. And they usually have good reason like the child blew out a diaper when they were getting in the car or suddenly forgot to pee in the toilet and did so in the car. having several in all stages of development, it seems that my littles will cause all the rest of us to run late. But when I host an event!!! I make sure we are there early! The other day I hosted an event 15 minutes away and I planned 45 Minutes of travel time from the time the front door shut until we arrived at our destination. We were only 10 minutes early :001_huh:

 

People do seem to learn those that they can run late with and those they can not without you having to say anything about it. get involved, host a few things, and you will probably find other like minded people who appreciate you starting on time. Be the first there and word will get out and others will arrive to. At the very least you will find those that run late because of a season in life, those that run late no matter what, and those that have never heard of being late. :D

[Mom2J112903]

I did let them know that I had other things to do yesterday, and have mentioned in passing that J and I have other things to do in the evenings so when ASL class is out late, we can not stick around.

 

J did want to stay but when he found out there would be no shaving cream, sidewalk chalk, water slides or bubbles, he said "well I don't want to go, it doesn't sound like it will be fun". His class from Catholic School had an year-end party and we had the above, in addition to many other things like colored hair spray and boat rides. Yeah, we know how to party ;) I told him next year I would help plan a more "fun" party, even if that ment opening up my small home to the group.

 

I do plan on having J a pool party this summer and it will be stated on the invite of a prompt arrival since events are planned during the party and late arrival means you could miss out on some of the fun. At least something along those lines.

[Caribbean Queen]

I have honestly thought about this. Then the function runs over 20 minutes or so, and then whatever I have planned for the rest of the day is off. 20 minutes is a BIG deal for us some days. I do not know which is more rude-being late or leaving early.

 

Oh, add 20 minutes on the ending time too.

[TravelingChris]

Are you from Alabama originally? Because I have found that in certain parts of the country, being on time is not thought as important as in other parts of the country. I am not in Alabama so I can't really say anything about it except that in general, it seems that in more casual societies, being on time is not as important. It certainly wasn't in NM and in FL. I move a lot and adjust to the area.

[Doodle]

Lateness is a pet peeve of mine too. The added time we have to wait until the program/event/activity to start is difficult when your kid gets bored and restless waiting.

[Ellie]

It isn't only hsrs who are late, I regret to say.:glare:

 

When I'm in charge of events, they run on time. Hmph.

 

Sorry you've had such bad experiences with your group.:grouphug:

[happi duck]

:chillpill: Add 20 minutes to whatever time they tell you. If they say something starts at 2:00 make a mental note to be there at 2:20.

Unfortunately this is what happens, everyone starts to be late because "nothing ever starts on time". As a teacher I'm stuck there on time ready to go with no students. If even one student is there I start on time. Most are on time the next class because they realize my class does start on time.

[Mom2J112903]

Yes, and I remeber being on time for everything growing up. I have lived in different parts of the country and this is the first time I have ever came across people whom are so non-chalunt (sp?) about the time.

 

The three other group of friends we have *all* are on time, and we of course know these from living here in AL.

 

 

Are you from Alabama originally? Because I have found that in certain parts of the country, being on time is not thought as important as in other parts of the country. I am not in Alabama so I can't really say anything about it except that in general, it seems that in more casual societies, being on time is not as important. It certainly wasn't in NM and in FL. I move a lot and adjust to the area.

[Jeannie in NJ]

I am the type if I am not 10 min. early then I feel that I am late. When I was in co-op, the leaders would have prayer. pledge and annoucement time prior to classes and most people did not attend that and would still be late for classes. The leaders just started on time with the few that were there and classes always started on time. The leaders were always frustrated with people coming late.

[I talk to the trees]

:chillpill: Let me say that again::chillpill:

 

Getting yourself all worked up over someone else's issues is just going to lead you down the path toward high blood pressure and ulcers. And your irritation WON'T change these folks, no matter how much you would like it to. (Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.) But you CAN change what you do and how you respond. Now take a deep breath..........ahhhhhhh.

 

If you truly are so busy that 15-20 minutes wrecks your schedule, dropping a couple of activities may lower your stress level, and allow you to relax and enjoy those that you do attend more! Or just get out of this group altogether. If you do stay with the group, realize that it is perfectly acceptable to quietly excuse yourself from an event if you need to. You don't owe anyone an explanation!

[Mom2J112903]

It is not we have so many activities planned, it is that DH is only home for a short period of time thru the day when he works. We like to spend as much time with him as possible. So when DH is only home for 30minutes on days he works, those 30 minutes are precious.

 

J is a *very* routined child, so if Dinner is to be at 530p, it being 15 minutes late really knocks him for a loop. This is just part of having an ASD child, and I have learned to do as he feels is best for him. For other children 15 minutes may not be a big deal, for J it is.

[Murphy101]

This is exactly the way to handle it.

 

I have a firm policy that as far as I'm concerned, if we aren't 10 minutes early then I'm already feel late. If I can't be on time, I always say so. And often if I'm going to be more than 1/4 of the time there late - I call and say I won't be able to make it.

 

I think it rude to presume others have nothing better to do than wait on you/me to either get started or to stay later than expected. Even if they have nothing else to do, if I wanted to just sit around doing nothing - I have the comfort of my home to do it in.

 

15 minutes is my general rule too.

If it's really important or we drove a long time, I might wait up to 30 if I can contact someone after 15 and know they are on the way.

 

Things happen. No problem. But if I can get my crew in gear on a regular basis, do can they.

 

Yes. A huge peeve of mine. Obviously. lol

 

:iagree:

 

When i first started hs and running events, I would wait on people. Then, I realized I was feeding the problem. Now when I run an event, we start when we say. If it's at 2:00, we start at 2:00 even if it is just me. I never said anything about it. After a few times of this, more people started showing up on time and now it's just a few that are late. And they usually have good reason like the child blew out a diaper when they were getting in the car or suddenly forgot to pee in the toilet and did so in the car. having several in all stages of development, it seems that my littles will cause all the rest of us to run late. But when I host an event!!! I make sure we are there early! The other day I hosted an event 15 minutes away and I planned 45 Minutes of travel time from the time the front door shut until we arrived at our destination. We were only 10 minutes early :001_huh:

 

People do seem to learn those that they can run late with and those they can not without you having to say anything about it. get involved, host a few things, and you will probably find other like minded people who appreciate you starting on time. Be the first there and word will get out and others will arrive to. At the very least you will find those that run late because of a season in life, those that run late no matter what, and those that have never heard of being late. :D

Edited May 29, 2010 by Martha

[dirty ethel rackham]

I want J to learn that in the "real" world, being late is NOT an option.

 

At least we still have other groups of friends whom are always on time.

 

I hear your frustration. That can be so annoying. However, it is important that we teach our children to be adaptable. My children know that there are certain things that we have to be on time for and certain things where time is a bit more flexible. I come from a family that was never late for church or school, but social gatherings didn't have a hard and fast start time. With one brother in particular, we started saying that dinner would be served about 2 hours earlier than we planned just to make sure he would arrive on time. It just is the way he is. We love him. We love his company. We learned to adjust to his lateness. I was one who took a long time to learn a sense of "social time." I was usually early for things and I got made fun of for it.

 

Dh comes from what he calls a "pathologically punctual" family (they arrive to things very early.) Many times, he showed up for our dates 15 minutes early and I was in a bathrobe and my hair was in a towel. I learned to adapt to him and he learned to adapt to me. He learned that my family's sense of time is looser than his family's time sense. Having children was a real shock to his sense of time because no matter how much we prepared to leave early, a child would always have a blow out diaper right before we left. The earlier we were, the bigger the mess. No matter how hard we tried or how much we padded the schedule, we would always arrive 5 - 10 minutes later than planned.

 

Our homeschool group has several chronically late people. We all learned to say that things start earlier than they really do so that we can start when we want to. It allows us to have social time while waiting for the late families. When we hire an outside person for some activities, most people adjust to promptness. While some of the late-comers can annoy us, they are also some of the most loving, loyal people on the planet. My life has been richer knowing them.

 

I guess only you can decide if these people are worth making adjustments for. You have to decide if promptness is more important than other benefits that might come from these people.

[IdahoHomeschooler]

Huh. I'd fit right in with that homeschooling group. There are plenty of things that I have to be "on time" for. I certainly don't lump social events into that category. People who have to be right on time, or worse -early, for every single thing bug me by acting like slaves to the almighty clock. Heck, if a party started at 2:00, that is when I would leave the house.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I haven't read all of the replies yet. I only made it through the first page and a half. Yet, I wanted to say that you do not have to be in a home school group. We didn't mesh well with the home school groups in our area and had clashes about time and other issues.

We joined scouts and other things and it was so much better to find something we liked and fit well in than trying to make another group change for us.

Just a thought. If you have play dates and an Asperger's group already, then you may want to wait on joining a home school group. Just getting the swing of home school is hard enough the first year without taking on a new group. I definitely don't recommend a first year home schooler to join a lot of groups or join a home school group right away.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

It is funny that you think it is acceptable for the ASL teacher to be late because he has a job, but unacceptable for homeschooling moms.

 

 

I think if a bunch of homeschool friends are meeting at the park at 2pm, then it is not rude to show up at 230 or even 3pm. The park is very casual. I have 3 children, so often when I plan to leave and when I actually do leave are far apart. Last week we got to the car and I realized that dd2 had had an accident, so I had to totally change her clothes. Then, I forgot her shoes and had to turn around. We were about 20 minutes late. I never want to get there early because my dd is very difficult to handle and I don't want to waste my time waiting on others. Also, if we have had a bad start to homeschooling in the morning I am definitely going to finish our school before going somewhere. This may make me late, but school is more important to me.

[QueenCat]

J is a *very* routined child, so if Dinner is to be at 530p, it being 15 minutes late really knocks him for a loop. This is just part of having an ASD child, and I have learned to do as he feels is best for him. For other children 15 minutes may not be a big deal, for J it is.

 

I have a child with ASD too. Trust me, he needs more training to be adaptable than others, and the sooner you start, the easier it will be for him. I catered to my ASD child for too long, and made it that much harder for him to learn to be adaptable to change. I'm NOT saying to never cater to him but if a child with AS is going to function independently as an adult, they must learn to be adaptable even if it isn't easy for them.

 

That said, as to the rudeness of showing up so late on a routine basis, you have two choices, from what I see. Live with it, and enjoy the group for what it is, or don't. If you treat them like you think they are being rude, you will have a hard time fitting in to the group.

[Murphy101]

I agree. Frankly the ASL teacher being late would have bothered me just as much. Maybe more if I'm paying for a class.

 

I think if a bunch of homeschool friends are meeting at the park at 2pm, then it is not rude to show up at 230 or even 3pm. The park is very casual.

 

wow. 20 minutes wouldn't matter to me. But an hour? If the purpose was to meet and play and I'm sitting there by myself for an hour - um no we can do that at home. I wouldn't wait an hour.

 

my dd is very difficult to handle and I don't want to waste my time waiting on others.

 

Yet you have no problem making others wait for you?

Is this bc you presume no one else has dc as difficult as yours?:001_huh:

[MariannNOVA]

Some here have given advice or have commented quite similarly to my way of thinking.

 

This is what I see: there are two issues here.......(Issue #1)others are late AND (ISSUE #2) you think folks should show up at an appointed time (which I truly do not have a problem with -- I understand unavoidable things like diaper blow outs, etc ~heck, I had infant twins and a 19 month old :001_huh:~ but I do tend to bristle at folks who show up an hour late).

 

You probably cannot do anything about the folks who show up late -- and I am in agreement with the posters who have said that you probably don't want to go down that path.............so that leaves your reaction to their being late that can be dealt with......so you have to decide how important it is to you. If this particular group is ALWAYS going to start late, it's probably not the group for you. I think that it's your call......what I have learned is that you can't change people so you have to make a decision as to whether or not you will continue with this group. :)

[sbgrace]

I have a child with ASD too. Trust me, he needs more training to be adaptable than others, and the sooner you start, the easier it will be for him. I catered to my ASD child for too long, and made it that much harder for him to learn to be adaptable to change. I'm NOT saying to never cater to him but if a child with AS is going to function independently as an adult, they must learn to be adaptable even if it isn't easy for them.

 

I would think about this aspect. One of the biggest challenges as a parent of a spectrum child (and one of the most important for our kids future functioning) is to help them learn to be flexible and handle it when things don't go as planned. I believe your actions, while I get the why for you, might actual reinforce his rigidity. Instead this could be an area of opportunity to model that plans change and people are unpredictable and yet it's ok.

[Food4Thought]

Here in the pacific NW, things are quite a bit more casual. I'm on time if I show up on time, not 10 minutes early. I do have chronically late friends (that can push things up to an hour late) that irk the heck out of me, but for most gatherings, especially for people with small children, 15 minutes late is typical.

 

Do you leave the doctors office if they make you wait 15 minutes?

 

It seems that by leaving these events after 15 minutes, you're stressing to your already routine-driven child that 15 minutes makes or breaks it. I have an ASD child too, and we've learned to adapt to others' schedules. He'd like to be a slave to the clock, but it's more about forming relationships and being able to understand other people. If you have to bow out before it's done to keep to your schedule, do that.

 

Or just ditch the group. There's really no sense in letting your son be in tears over other people's inability to read a clock.

[Murphy101]

I'm not sure I understand the rigid thing.

 

I have a couple that are schedule folks. If we say we are going to do something, they are upset the same over being late as not doing it - either way we are adapting. We were going to do X, we wait a bit, we leave w/o getting to do X.

 

I do not feel we are slaves to any clock.

I get rather irked at the expectation that I should be a slave to the whims of others though. I'm just supposed to "adapt" to them.

 

Of course, like anything else, there's always an exception. For my dr, I ask how long the wait is after 15/20 minutes and either reschedule or wait pending the situation. Dh always waits bc it's a 4 month wait to get into his dr.

[Allearia]

On the one hand, I understand being annoyed about it. I am always early too.

 

But on the other hand, you really can't take it to extremes. I would be annoyed about others being late but if it is already on your schedule and you really want to make friends with these people you have to take it in stride. You can teach your son about being on time by you being on time, but I don't think it is necessary to leave after 15 minutes to teach some sort of lesson and miss out on fun stuff. Rigidity doesn't teach anything. There are usually not so many homeschool groups in an area that you can decide to bail on one just over an issue like this, but if there is more than one in your area it doesn't hurt to try them out and see if they may be more compatible. If you like the folks in this one though and your son is making friends, it would take a lot more than this to be a deal breaker.

[littlebug42]

A lot of the homeschoolers around here are like that and it drives me insane. They are chronically late, if they even show up at all. My children are signed up for science classes at the local science museum. They are 1.5 hours long. We pay for these and people still show up 30 minutes late. It drives me crazy because getting those kids up to speed etc, takes time away from the other children whose parents bothered to get them there on time. My sister in law teaches a local home school gym class that lasts 1.5 hours and there are many that come in 30-45 minutes late and then leave early. Why even pay for the class? I don't get it. This is one of the reasons why I just can't belong to any homeschool groups. I cannot function that way.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Huh. I'd fit right in with that homeschooling group. There are plenty of things that I have to be "on time" for. I certainly don't lump social events into that category. People who have to be right on time, or worse -early, for every single thing bug me by acting like slaves to the almighty clock. Heck, if a party started at 2:00, that is when I would leave the house.

 

You'd only do that to me once!

 

10 or 15 minutes wouldn't bother me, but a longer wait would. Sitting around waiting for people to arrive god-knows-when, even though a time was specified, is beyond my tolerance level.

 

If the expected time is between 2 and 3, that should be said. It is quite different from "Meet me at 2."

 

What are clocks for, if not for knowing what time it is? What is knowing the time for, if not for meeting your appointments that are set for a certain time?

[Murphy101]

For me waiting 15-20 minutes is not about teaching anyone a lesson. I have no expectation of that. lol

 

For me, I simply have better things to do in life than stand around waiting for other people to stop doing whatever is more important to them and then join me. Most of the time I'm not even mad. They are too busy doing whatever? Fine. Time for me to do the same and we move on to doing whatever ourselves. Usually no harsh feelings about it. Maybe some disappointment sometimes but nothing major.

[Melinda in VT]

Very good point! I know there are other cultures which "running late" is accepted and being early is considered rude. Now for me this would take getting used to but I would do it because it is the culture. Just like wearing something or not wearing something, you do as the culture does.

 

Apparently this hs group IS a culture in which running late is accepted.

 

You may not want to adapt to the culture, and that's certainly your right (I'm pretty punctual myself), but I wouldn't waste time getting angry over it or trying to change it.

[Laurie4b]

People have different attitudes towards time. Yours is way on one end of the spectrum. There are other people way on the other end of the spectrum. 15 minutes late is pretty normal in our area whether it's a homeschool group or not. It sounds like 15 minutes late is the culture of the group. You can drive yourself batty about it or just adjust back 15 minutes for everything. If it's too hard for you to adjust, then you'll need to give the group a pass, but I would weigh what you are giving up for keeping your orientation toward time. It's not a moral issue--it is different among different ethnic groups, cultures, areas of the country, and even in the tiny cultures of certain groups. When one thinks of it as a moral issue, in one's own thinking the other people are therefore doing one much greater harm than if it is just thought of as a difference. When you tell yourself how they are harming you, it drives your bp up. So either adapt your internal clock 15min and enjoy the group, or pass it up.

[kwg]

You'd only do that to me once!

 

10 or 15 minutes wouldn't bother me, but a longer wait would. Sitting around waiting for people to arrive god-knows-when, even though a time was specified, is beyond my tolerance level.

 

If the expected time is between 2 and 3, that should be said. It is quite different from "Meet me at 2."

 

What are clocks for, if not for knowing what time it is? What is knowing the time for, if not for meeting your appointments that are set for a certain time?

 

 

For a party though? I mean why would you sit around and wait for her? Just start....? I do. Whatever they miss is whatever they miss.

[IdahoHomeschooler]

You'd only do that to me once!

 

10 or 15 minutes wouldn't bother me, but a longer wait would. Sitting around waiting for people to arrive god-knows-when, even though a time was specified, is beyond my tolerance level.

 

If the expected time is between 2 and 3, that should be said. It is quite different from "Meet me at 2."

 

What are clocks for, if not for knowing what time it is? What is knowing the time for, if not for meeting your appointments that are set for a certain time?

 

I just don't get that upset about these kinds of things. Kids can cause all kinds of reasons for someone to be late, so if meeting someone with kids, then I would pretty much expect it. My family and friends know that I will almost never be on time anywhere. If it bugs them, so be it. They keep it to themselves, just as I keep to myself the many things about them that bug me. I also won't be upset if people that are more uptight about time frames exclude me. I would likely be stressed out by their level of compulsiveness, anyways.

[IdahoHomeschooler]

People have different attitudes towards time. Yours is way on one end of the spectrum. There are other people way on the other end of the spectrum. 15 minutes late is pretty normal in our area whether it's a homeschool group or not. It sounds like 15 minutes late is the culture of the group. You can drive yourself batty about it or just adjust back 15 minutes for everything. If it's too hard for you to adjust, then you'll need to give the group a pass, but I would weigh what you are giving up for keeping your orientation toward time. It's not a moral issue--it is different among different ethnic groups, cultures, areas of the country, and even in the tiny cultures of certain groups. When one thinks of it as a moral issue, in one's own thinking the other people are therefore doing one much greater harm than if it is just thought of as a difference. When you tell yourself how they are harming you, it drives your bp up. So either adapt your internal clock 15min and enjoy the group, or pass it up.

 

Yes, exactly.