How many people here say "Shut up!" and......

[OrganicAnn]

I don't use it. My DH doesn't use it. We don't allow our DD to use it.

 

I think it is rude when I hear someone else use it. I think it is sad if parents use it with their kids. "Be quiet." is just as short, can be said forcefully if the situation requires. So I don't think any *needs* to use it.

 

ETA: My standard: If I don't want to hear my child to say a word or phrase to her grandparents, then it is something that we don't allow.

Edited May 15, 2010 by OrganicAnn

[Denisemomof4]

Where I grew up, saying shut up was not considered any ruder than saying be quiet. Where I live now it is, and unfortunately, it's a habit I haven't kicked.

 

I've actually thought of this. In CA where I grew up, I heard it All The Time. I don't hear it as much now in NH. Is it because people are more conservative here? My NY and GA friends say it.

[Cammie]

Nope, not allowed its a bad word. This was a major issue for me with DH because not being a native English speaker I don't think he understood the disrespectfulness of the phrase. Took me years to get him to understand how MUCH I didn't like it!

[Brindee]

In my parents eyes, shut-up was a bad word. It was not allowed, and we'd get in trouble if we said it. It sounds very rude to me, and has never been a part of my vocabulary.

 

My husband was the same way, so our kids haven't used it either.

 

We don't use swear words either. Just how we grew up, and how our kids are growing up.

[Mynyel]

I say it even though I hate it. I only say it in jest (like in Princes Diaries) or when I am livid.

 

I have a fairly booming voice and even when I talk normal people have told me to quite down and stop talking so loud or quit yelling. Honey, you ain't heard me yell.

 

So I can't stand being told to be quiet or shut up. :001_smile:

[Mejane]

It slips out here occasionally, but it's an apology-worthy offense.

[Mommy22alyns]

I don't say it. I had it drummed out of me by a particularly picky 7th grade teacher. It's not something I want the girls to say, so it's not used in our house.

[Peela]

It's not something we would usually say, but I think it's all in the delivery. Words only have the power you give them and yes there are some words I find offensive, but I am pretty liberal with my language. We swear a little around here...it's only offensive to us if its delivered in a way thats meant to give offence (and that happens!). Then, the intent is addressed- the words are secondary.

It's more important to me that my kids know when it is appropriate to use certain words and when it most certainly isnt, when its humorous and when it isnt, and how to discern and be socially sensitive. I know they swear anyway- well, my ds14 does- but I honestly dont have any moral high ground to stand on, even though I am not a big swearer...so, that is my approach.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Used to say it.

 

Stopped when I had kids.

 

No one in our house is allowed to use that phrase.

 

I think it is very rude, and I can't think of when it wouldn't be rude. I know it can be said sarcastically in a joking way, but at the heart, it's still rude.

 

Just one person's opinion.

 

 

We say "shut it" here, too.

 

My brother used to say, "I'm as serious as a heart attack" and I never gave it a second thought.....UNTIL that same brother died (not from a heart attack) and the disease he died from was used as a punchline of a joke on a movie. ("And now my brain is going to rot away because of Mad Cow disease because you touched me with that dish towel" on Uptown Girls. I paraphrased what Dakota Fanning's character said, but that was the gist of it.)

 

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. AND...it made me wonder if my brother had ever offended someone who overheard him say, "I'm as serious as a heart attack", perhaps someone who had recently lost a loved one to a heart attack.

 

"shut up" -that phrase is still what comes to mind when I say, "shut it". It is what I WANT to say and what I MEAN to say, but I edit for the kids.

[ChristusG]

No, I feel that it is a very mean way to get a point across. I remember that one time when I was a child I was standing in a checkout line with my mother. A woman and child was in front of us....the child was saying something and the woman glared at him and said "Shut up!!!" That has stuck with me to this day....I felt that she was being so incredibly mean to her child by saying that. I could never say that to my children.

[akmommy]

We don't use the phrases "shut up" or "I'm gonna kill you". Neither Dh or like either phrase and decided long ago not to allow them. Well, I take that back we have been known to yell "shut up" at the dog now and then but not each other.

[Laura Corin]

I don't say it and I don't let the children say it. Of course one could say it playfully, but I've found it easier just to avoid the phrase.

 

Laura

[susankenny]

I think it's rude personally, unless you're saying it as in, "no way! are you kidding me??". Having said that though, I tell my dogs to SHUT UP all of the time. Then my kids will yell it at the dogs too, and they've said "shut up" to each other as well. I correct them every time, ...but they've learned it from me. I am working on it big time, but my jack russell makes it challenging!

[susankenny]

I, as mom, am allowed to say "Shut your gub," in a semi-serious way. For example, I might say, "You need to shut your gub and get to work," to a child who's dawdling and talking to a sibling instead of doing school work. I also say, "You need to do a check up from the neck up," "Quit flapping your gums," and, "Stop jaw jackin'." We're kind of homespun around here. :tongue_smilie:I don't know how it would sound to others, maybe just as rude as shut up, but shut up is verboten around here because I think it's disrespectful.

 

No, I personally don't think that's being rude or mean. It is in the context of being a little tongue & cheek with your kids. You aren't angry with them and telling them to "shut up!". In this scenario, it is telling your kids to get back on task. It doesn't come across as disrespectful imho. Also, there are things my children and I may joke with privately or phrases that are okay, but it would be inappropriate to use that same lingo in public.

[Mommyfaithe]

Why is saying "Shut up!" considered rude when the people who refuse to be quiet in the first place, aren't considered rude, also?

 

hahaha!!! I agree. If I am pushed to the point of Shut UP! I usually really mean it. I am from Brooklyn....in the 70's...so believe me....That is a very MILD expletive. I still can be know to let a few fly....but I mostly contain it. I think it is cultural and us Brooklyn people can be very expressive....but no one ever has to think what I meant by what I said...LOL :D unless I am talking about math theories....LOL!!!!!!

[katilac]

Why is saying "Shut up!" considered rude when the people who refuse to be quiet in the first place, aren't considered rude, also?

 

I would say that is also certainly considered rude, but someone else being rude doesn't excuse MY rudeness. And if "please quiet down" doesn't work, why would a different phrase work? Shock value? Knowing mom is about to go nuclear? It's not something I've ever said or heard in the workplace, so why would I say it at home?

 

If kids at my house are refusing to quiet down, I'd give them consequences rather than say "shut up." If you aren't my kid, a logical consequence is that you have to stop playing and leave. If you are my kid, a logical consequence is that you have to stop the activity that's getting you overly-excited, and do something calmer, like chores :D.

 

If adults are refusing to quiet down in, say, a restaurant, I certainly can't imagine that a stranger telling them to shut up is going to improve the situation! If they're wildly inappropriate or don't respond to a polite request, well, that's what managers and ushers are for.

 

This is not to say that I've never lost my temper and been rude to my kids! (or others) I have. But having it happen more than once in a blue moon would make me question myself. If my kids defy a serious, direct request from us (to be quiet or anything else), well, 'shut up' might work for the moment, but it won't fix the underlying problem.

[katilac]

I, as mom, am allowed to say "Shut your gub," in a semi-serious way. For example, I might say, "You need to shut your gub and get to work," to a child who's dawdling and talking to a sibling instead of doing school work. I also say, "You need to do a check up from the neck up," "Quit flapping your gums," and, "Stop jaw jackin'." We're kind of homespun around here. :tongue_smilie:I don't know how it would sound to others, maybe just as rude as shut up, but shut up is verboten around here because I think it's disrespectful.

 

But wouldn't it be just as easy to say, "You need to stop talking and get back to work?" I'd have to say that Shut your gub in particular strikes me as no less disrespectful than shut up.

 

I'm trying to figure out why different phrases, which are all intended to have the same effect, have such a different sound to my ears. Perhaps it's because saying "please be quiet" or "it's not time to talk" are references to rules that are in place for a reason - - you need to stop talking because it's time to do math, or because people are trying to watch a movie. Most of the 'catch phrases' seem to imply a judgement on WHAT is being said, as though the person in question couldn't be saying anything of worth; rather, they are jawjacking, flapping their gums, yammering, and so forth.

 

I guess I fall into the camp of trying not to say something to kids that I wouldn't say to adults, and I've never told an adult to shut up, zip their lip, shut their piehole, or quit flapping their gums!

[lllll]

..

[lionfamily1999]

I say shut up when I really desparately need the kids to ... shut up. :lol: It's like a short way for us to say, "This is really important, I can't go into the details, but I really need you to be quiet right now, alright? Yes, I am serious. No really, please hush."

Edited May 15, 2010 by lionfamily1999

[lionfamily1999]

I guess I fall into the camp of trying not to say something to kids that I wouldn't say to adults, and I've never told an adult to shut up, zip their lip, shut their piehole, or quit flapping their gums!

I have. I have also used long-winded ways of saying it...

 

What about "can it," is that alright?

 

:lol:

 

I'm just picking. I understand that for some people it's seems too abrupt. I just find that there are times when I am unable to go into an explanation. My, "I need you to be quiet" is usually met with "Why?" There are times when my quiet needs to come now and I'll explain later. Of course, explaining all that defeats the purpose, so... "can it."

[MamaSheep]

Why is saying "Shut up!" considered rude when the people who refuse to be quiet in the first place, aren't considered rude, also?

 

I think they're both rude. I also don't think that rudeness is an appropriate response to someone else being rude.

[Murphy101]

So. To sum up.

 

We are all in agreement that it's okay to say shut up.

 

The only disagreement is over whether we actually use those particuliar words to say it.:001_huh:

 

I'd rather hear shut up than "Be sweet" any day.

I hated my mother saying that.

 

I get similiar scenarios as pp.

Eventually they result is "Shut up! That's enough!"

 

I love to do the Dumbledore, " Silence!"

 

I also use "Settle!"

 

As for not teaching them what I wouldn't want them to say.

 

They are going to hear a lot more from us than shut up if they ever tell my motherinlaw to "be quiet" or any variation thereof.

[HRAAB]

My favorite is 'stifle yourself'! One handy saying I learned from Archie Bunker.

[nono]

I actually say "Ta toi" more frequently, but it means the same thing.

 

It is for no one to judge what it said intra-family. However, I would not say Shut Up or Ta Toi to anyone outside my immediate family.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

My favorite is 'stifle yourself'! One handy saying I learned from Archie Bunker.

 

 

I think that 'stifle yourself' is the ONLY good thing one can learn from Archie Bunker. I loved the episode where Edith told HIM to stifle!!! :lol:

[jld]

My mother used to say, "Keep still!"

 

Unfortunately, I have said "Shut up!" to our kids. I hope I've apologized every time. I was not allowed to say it growing up.

 

Under duress, dh may say, "Tais-toi!" to one of our children, but usually says, "Calme-toi." He's a pretty patient father.

 

Cleo, that is a moving and thought-provoking post. Thank you for sharing that.

[Crissy]

NOPE...

 

No "shut up", No "stupid", No "idiot"...etc, etc. These types of words are :thumbdown::ack2:

 

 

:iagree:

 

Well, almost.

I do exclaim, "You idiot!" far too often when I'm driving.

[Tree House Academy]

I avoid Shut Up....I sometimes to tell my boys to shut up if I'm at the end of my rope. The know that if mom says that, they'd better listen!

 

Yep...I feed the same way. If my boys have pushed me to my edge, I may even yell "shut.up." which is terrible of me, but truth all the same. My boys, on the other hand, know that the words "shut up" better not come out of their mouths in my earshot or they are in big trouble. It really gripes me when a child tells another child to "shut up." Ugh!

 

As for regular, everyday talk, I try not to say, "shut up." I try to tell them to be quiet or talk softly or something else. I also find that it is my kids I am usually saying this to...NOT other adults. I tend not to tell other adults to be quiet at all.

[Tree House Academy]

I, as mom, am allowed to say "Shut your gub," in a semi-serious way. For example, I might say, "You need to shut your gub and get to work," to a child who's dawdling and talking to a sibling instead of doing school work. I also say, "You need to do a check up from the neck up," "Quit flapping your gums," and, "Stop jaw jackin'." We're kind of homespun around here. :tongue_smilie:I don't know how it would sound to others, maybe just as rude as shut up, but shut up is verboten around here because I think it's disrespectful.

 

I love these! My kids would fall over giggling when I said them, though. I have a little mouth sign I do when I am on the phone...my kids say it stands for "shut.it." - I prefer to think it means "close your mouth."

 

I can not stand name calling and my younger son has picked it up from cartoons and will call my older son things like "stupid, moron, you idiot, etc." It makes my blood boil and will get him in trouble faster than most anything else around here.

 

The only thing remotely like "I'll kill you" that I have ever said is "Silence! I kill you" from Achmed the Dead Terrorist on the Jeff Dunham show. Now *that* is funny. :tongue_smilie:

[ScoutTN]

Definitely rude and on the "We don't say that." list in our home.

Along with "stupid" and some others.

[IsabelC]

Yes I think it is a bit rude. I do say it, but I try not to.

[Medieval Mom]

I never say it & I do find it offensive when others say it.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I got very upset about DS's attitude earlier. I, several times, made mention to my hubby (over the phone), that I wanted ds to "shut up already!"

 

I really don't think I would have said even that if it weren't for this thread! LOL

[jld]

Do you tell people you find it offensive, Medieval Mom? Do people get defensive, or apologize?

[Aubrey]

I don't say "shut up" to anyone, not even when I was teaching. (That sounds awful to write, but the phrase could be heard echoing above the din of most classrooms.)

 

I do think it's rude. I used to say it & think nothing of it. I don't know when I stopped. Sometime before kids--I didn't want them saying it. But unless someone was directing such phrases at one of my kids, I doubt I'd ever say anything about it. Even then, I'd be more likely to leave than say something. I (hate) confrontation.

 

Same is true of "I could/will kill _____."

 

I have trouble w/ using "hate" w/ regard to events, situations, behaviors, etc. It's another phrase I'd rather not hear from my kids, & therefore try (mostly unsuccessfully) not to use.

 

I totally understand that some habits die hard. :001_smile:

[Caitilin]

Yes I think it is a bit rude. I do say it, but I try not to.

:iagree:

[cyndyinohio]

We don't say it, but every family is different, so you have to decide what is right for you and be ok with it.

[Medieval Mom]

Do you tell people you find it offensive, Medieval Mom? Do people get defensive, or apologize?

 

Like other offensive behavior, it depends on the situation. Certainly, I would let my dc know that we, in our family, do not say "Shut up!" to each other because we consider it offensive and hurtful. I haven't had a person tell me to shut up since I was a teenager. Frankly, I am not sure how I would react now! I am not the confrontational type, so I certainly don't say anything when I hear people telling each other to shut up in public. But I do cringe.:confused:

 

If someone told another person in my family to shut up, I would say, "Don't tell my (husband, Mom, child, etc.) to shut up." BTW... I do not consider it to be swearing--- I just think it is very offensive, degrading, and obnoxious. Since I haven't been in that situation (yet), I do not know what the other person's reaction would be. I suppose it depends on the person. ;)

[HeidiKC]

I think it is very rude and disrespectful and definitely don't let my kids say it. My 4-year-old tries to get around it by saying "Shut!"

 

I sure feel better reading how lots of people have lost their cool and said it to their kids. I have said it a few times to my oldest and just felt horrible, because he knows it is a "bad word" and hurtful.

 

I think that there are some words that are offensive to some and not to others, but then it seems better to error on the side of caution and avoid using those and teaching our kids to avoid using them. I think I'm doing my kids a favor to handle it this way. Kind of like taking the shoes off when you go in people's houses. We have never done that, but it seems that many of our friends do and expect guests (kids) to do the same. I think at least of few of them think kids are ill-mannered when they don't leave their shoes at the door, not realizing that everyone doesn't do this. One of my neighbors kind of chewed my son out once for not taking off his shoes. She had probably told him to do it in the past, but it isn't common for him to do so he forgot. I don't blame him for forgetting, and I don't blame her for being frustrated. To her it is second nature to remove shoes and same for her kids and probably most of their friends (because they do it at home as well). I wish I'd taught my kids to remove shoes since so many people expect that at their homes and it is hard for my kids to remember. So same with language - if my son shows up at someone's house using language that is ok with us but not ok with many people, he comes across as rude to that family.

[Linda1951]

be quiet. or stop talking.

shut up to me is rude.

[SquirrellyMama]

I say it when my kids really deserve it. Probably about once very 2 or 3 months.