How long does it take to get used to living in a new place?

[RoughCollie]

DH and I lived in Massachusetts for 20 years.

 

We moved to PA 6 months ago.

 

Every day, I read our local (MA) paper online. I am eager to read the news.

 

I don't read the local paper here. I read the national news online, but I could not care less about what happens here.

 

Shouldn't I, though?

 

Does this mean I am not adjusting to living here?

 

I don't think of this as "home". None of us thinks of this rental house as our "home". It is real hard to wrap my mind around the fact that we are tenants. We would all move back to MA in a heartbeat if it were possible.

 

But it is not possible. Do you have any suggestions about how to adjust in these circumstances?

 

How long does it take a place to feel like home? We all feel that we are living in limbo here, but there is nothing to look forward to on the other side of limbo.

 

This issue is especially tricky when we talk about colleges for the kids. We always figured the kids would go to college in MA, where we live(d) and thought we would always live. Now DH talks about colleges in PA, the kids talk about returning to MA, and I can't see past tomorrow. It's like everything is up for grabs in the future, but DH & I are stuck here now and maybe for the rest of our lives.

 

The reason DH & I may be stuck here is that (1) I am in my 50s and he is 60; and (2) it is very difficult, expensive, and time-consuming to move a large (35,000 volume) book business.

 

This is not saying that PA is a bad place to live, because it is not. This would be true anywhere except KY, where most of my family lives, or Atlanta, where I have some family and many friends -- at least the adjustment would have been much easier.

 

I wonder if this is mainly a problem of I just want my life back to the way it was a few years ago, before primarily outside forces beyond our control destroyed it. Maybe I'm not accepting that this is the way things are and are going to be.

 

Maybe I'm a nutcase. At any rate, I'd appreciate some advice. FWIW, I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself. I tackle problems as they arise and handle them to the best of ability. It's just right now, at this moment, I'm feeling badly about all this.

 

Thank you,

RC

Edited January 18, 2010 by RoughCollie

[Tess in the Burbs]

I found it takes 2 years to adjust. And sometimes you never do. I adjusted to Seattle in a month :-) Hated to leave. Have lived in Raleigh 4 different times and adjusted there very quickly as well every time. Moved to VA Bch in 2004 and it took longer to adjust. After a year I made friends and by 2 years I felt adjusted.....and we moved 45 minutes closer to dh's job and still don't feel adjusted here after almost 3 years!!!! Just that little move changed our entire lives and I like the few friends I have but it's been slow to make friends and we feel like we won't be here forever and I am trying to adjust but it's an unsettling feeling....almost like I am waiting for the news it's finally over you know???

 

Since you spent so long in MA it will take you a long time to adjust IMHO. But you also have to want to adjust. I was told once to accept every invite in a new place for a year. Yes to every home sales party, Yes to every church invite even if you aren't religious, Yes to people you don't like. The more Yes the more people you meet and the sooner you will adjust.

 

Moving can be hard. We have done it a LOT. My son has had 9 addresses in his 8 short years :-) !!! My 6 year old has had 5. And they still ask for friends from 3 years ago. So none have adjusted I guess. But we are here for now. I even tried to spruce up the house but my heart isn't in it. Why put the money in when we will be leaving I keep asking??

 

LOL

 

Good luck adjusting. I do think you need to give it more time. Try to get involved locally into something. The sooner you make friends the sooner it will feel like home :grouphug:

[nd293]

We lived for 5 years as expats in a foreign country - I would say it took at least a year before it felt like home. I guess that's when you really know your way around, know the roads, the shops, the "quirks" etc. By the end of 5 years, it definitely felt like home.

 

Now here we are as would-be immigrants to another country. We've been here a year. I am "happy" here. It is easy compared to where we were before. I know my way around, feel somewhat settled. But I still cannot imagine ever feeling that this is home. I think when the culture was very different from our own, it was somehow easier to fit in. The parameters of how we should feel were set - we would never be citizens, would always be outsiders, but within this framework, we were made welcome. Somehow here, I feel like I will be expected to feel like this is home, and yet, despite shared language, cultural similarities etc it feels very foreign. I still feel like an expat! I am OK with that, but I worry enormously about the children, especially because as homeschoolers they are not getting immersed in the local culture, and not picking up local accents and vernacular.

 

I once spoke to a woman who immigrated to Australia many years ago and married an Austrlaina. She said it took 16 years before she thought of herself as Australian. So I guess we still have a way to go!

[Margaret in GA]

RC, hugs to you. I'd make it my daily goal to meet more people and form a "community": church, civic groups, homeschooling groups. Maybe volunteer somewhere. Took me 2 years to love where I am. It was all about people. I think you need to me *a lot* of people before you can begin to form meaningful connections.

[Starr]

Moving is difficult. You are not crazy. Well about that anyway. :D It's not easier as you get older. I find 6 months to be the time when you know your way around. Around a year you are more settled and relationships grow from there. If you meet someone else new to the area they will need friends and that's a good place to start. You have a little time before college. I would work on building your home life where you are knowing it takes time. Look for some family friends. Invite people over. Get out and enjoy what the area has to offer so you can build some local good memories for your family. I'm sorry this is so difficult.

[Parrothead]

The longest I've ever lived anywhere was 10 years in SC and 12 years in GA. I grew up a navy brat and moved every two years until I was 10 and we landed in SC. Then after leaving school I landed in GA for a job, marriage and dd's birth. After that we seem to be averaging staying in one place about 3 years. So maybe I'm not the best one to be advising.

 

The first thing I do is unpack everything. Even if I'm (now currently) in a rental. All of our stuff is available and in its place.

The next thing to do is find the local parish and volunteer for something.

Third is finding friends for dd. We check for homeschooling groups, friends in Sunday school, dance, karate, etc. That helps her adjust.

Next is going window shopping. I check out the down town area, see what shops have what, talk to the people, and generally get a feel for the town. I'll order from local restaurants as money allows. Find out what is available for culture and/or arts.

 

All this generally takes the first month. As I'm getting older, the unpacking is taking longer. It now takes me 5 10-12 hour days to unpack everything. Maybe it is because we have more stuff too. But by this time I'm generally at home with the house and the area.

 

Hope that helps some.

[Pongo]

I have been in MA my whole life. Moved to FL, came back to MA a year later. Moved to GA, moved back to MA 3 years later. My kids are going to college in MA (they don't know it yet) I don't think we'll ever move, if we had the choice. Mind you I did all that moving while I was single. I think it would take at least a couple of years to feel plugged into a new community. Plus, everything during the cold season feels worse than it is:). Beaches, sunshine, long walks in the spring air usually brings some refreshment to the soul. I hope it works out, I'm sorry you HAD to move, I am sure that was difficult and not being able to settle right in doesn't help.

Edited January 18, 2010 by Pongo

[lllll]

For me, it's taken 3-4 years. Just about the time dh comes home and says we're moving again. That's also about as long as it (usually) takes me and the kids to clean up the house and property (we usually go for location and figure we'll end up with fixer-uppers for the money we have to spend. This house, however, is STILL a dump on the inside ... structural stuff, etc.)

 

You probably will have to put some effort into it, though. If for no other reason, than for your family's sake. No matter how much I hate the place when we first get there, I try to find SOMEthing I like about it. No matter how tiny. The rest of it, I take the attitude that I'd rather laugh than cry. If it's not funny, dc and I MAKE it funny ... in various ways.

 

For example, there is a family who's property is adjacent to ours. They have been there for almost 100 years, and, apparently, rarely haul their trash to the dump. They have their own private dump on our border, and it's slowly sliding down the hill, getting dangerously close to sloshing over onto our property. One day ds came home and was telling me about how the dump seemed to be "moving". Well, this just cracked me up, for some reason. I pictured, in my mind, this dump as some living, oozing thing with eyes .... anyway, we all started talking about it, and at some point I referred to it as "Mount Dumpit" (think Dr. Seuss ... Mount Crumpit), and the kids all cracked up. We went on for about 10-15 minutes like that. It works for us. We STILL laugh about some of the people we came across in NH. Maybe you and your family can think up some coping mechanisms of your own.

 

You're probably more in the middle of a true grieving process, though. 20 years is a loooong time to live one place and then just up and move. How do you usually grieve over something? Maybe come at it from that angle.

 

Also, 6 months is nothing. You haven't even been through all the seasons yet. I always have to go through all the seasons in a new place, for some reason.

 

And moving with teens is hard, too. But aren't some of your dc in school systems? THEY can probaby bring home loads of things you can chose to laugh about (vs crying).

 

Another thing that helps us is to make an effort to see the sights. Ask around for places beyond the usual touristy things. That also helps us learn our way around beyond our own little neighborhood. Dh used to ask around at work. And when we lived in ID, the local HS group newsletter would include places to take field trips with your family - complete with directions, hours, costs, etc. This was wonderful. We NEVER would have found some of those places on our own.

 

Maybe your kids could help you with ideas. Brainstorm together, maybe??

 

 

Kathy

Edited January 18, 2010 by ksva

[AuntieM]

Nine relocations here. I agree with the 2-year mark. It takes about that long to rebuild your "infrastructure" (schooling niche/support groups/co-op opportunities, doctors, churches, feeling out the neighbors, getting comfortable with your new grocery store, etc).

 

That said, there is one place in particular that I will always be homesick for, no matter where I live. After all our moves, I have taken a no-more-moving stand, at least until my 3 oldest are high school graduates. It's tough because I *really* do not like where I live now. But, the rest of the family is happy, so on I go...

 

There are good people everywhere. Find a few to connect with and things will look much brighter.

 

ETA: I say 2 years. But you should know I am extremely proactive at seeking out these new support systems. For me, it's a matter of survival to get these things in place. Three to 4 years would be more accurate if you take it at a slower pace. Obviously, I recommend the quicker pace!!

Edited January 18, 2010 by AuntieM

[Whereneverever]

We've lived in three states in the last almost 4 years. It takes about a year to settle in somewhere, but a lot longer for it to feel like "home", if that makes sense.

[Jami]

At least a year and a half to stop hurting for the home left behind, and 3 years to feel like it would hurt to move somewhere new. I'm at 6 months in our new city and we had only just got to the 3 year period in our last city before moving. It's very hard, especially a whole new city/state. Give yourself time.

[Renee in NC]

You're not crazy. I don't feel like FL is home yet - I have been here 6 months. I have just recently begun to come out of my culture shock. Things here are so different than in NC. I have visited here more times than I can count, so it isn't new to me. My dh is even slower to adjust than I am.

 

Two years, huh? I don't know if we will be here that long...the dc hope so, they love it here. I actually love the weather (most of the time.) The long, sunny days are good for me. I am starting to feel what I said before we moved - I'd rather be broke in a place where all you need is a bathing suit and flipflops!

[JeneralMom]

It is really a hard thing. I moved from Montreal to Kansas in my mid-20s for grad school, but hated the first place I lived. When I moved to the town the University was in, I felt more "at home", but never considered Kansas home. I always referred to it as "where I currently live". It is sad, but the 17sq miles I lived in were the only place in Kansas I was even remotely comfortable. I still consider Montreal home, but realize that it is probably not the same place I left; it will never be my Montreal again. My husband has the same issue with Missoula - he would love to move "home" but knows that it is not the same Missoula he left. We moved to San Antonio in Dec 2008 and we both expected to hate it with a passion. We vowed to put our time in here and then leave. Turns out, we both love it, adjusted really quickly, found friends and have experienced great personal and family growth. I guess you just never know.

[laughing lioness]

Jumping in on the 2-3 year mark, but it also depends on the area. The older I get, the more difficult it is to re-adjust and acclimate especially with older kids. We moved here when our oldest was 17 and she is going to college 17 hours away.

[Jeanne in MN]

Hugs to you-it's gotta be hard after living in one place for 20 years. Grieve your loss, because it is one. But also look for the positive in what's around you. It seems, too, that people have their routines, their friends and don't always think to include new people. Get involved in whatever you can so you can meet people and start feeling a part of things. I can't say it enough, get involved, get involved, get involved.

 

If it's any consolation, I would read the news from a town I'd lived in that long too. I still have my mom save the papers from my hometown for me to read and I haven't lived there for 20 years.

 

I agree with the other posters, you have to give it at least one year. The more you get involved, the quicker you meet people and feel a part of things, the faster the transition is. Just my two cents.

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

I'm just now feeling settled here in LA, and we'll move again this summer. We moved here in July. I'm more used to moving, but it still takes a while.

 

The kids and I have finally met some good friends nearby, and they are doing a co-op with us, that's been fun, we just started. I'm teaching phonics (of course!) with another homeschool mom helping so she can teach it when I'm gone, and a public school mom is teaching Spanish.

 

It's kind of annoying...I just get used to a place and comfortable and then we move. Civilian friends are especially hard to leave--military friends are used to moving and leaving friends.

 

We have been to Little Rock 3 times now, it's quicker and easier to get comfortable there but still is an adjustment each time.

[jenL]

After living in NH for 32 years, we moved to NC. I remember meeting a mom at my son's preschool about 6 months after we were here (she's from MA so she understood the New England "thing"). Although we chose NC after loving it and visiting it many times, there was still an adjustment. We liked it, but I remember asking her when it would feel like "home". She said it took her about 3 years. Others have said the same thing.

 

We're going on 4 years now, and I'd have to say that it was about a year or a year & a half ago when I started to feel "complete" and "settled". Now, I cannot imagine living in NH again. I miss family, fresh lobster and haddock, and the Patriots and Bruins, but that's it.

 

As other posters suggested, letting go and trying new things in you area will help you. Start following local news, get involved in a church or other civic/community event, visit local shops and take in the PA culture where you are. It will take time; don't beat yourself up that it still doesn't feel right.

 

Wishing you all the best & sending :grouphug:.

[TravelingChris]

As my board name says, we are transients since we are an active duty military family. For me, there are different levels of comfort I feel. It usually takes at least six months to feel somewhat comfortable and about a year to feel established in a community. But I think it would be longer if it wasn't something I was so used to doing.

 

Can I make a gentle suggestion? Unless you are going to be moving back to MA soon, stop focusing on that area so much. I do look at some news occasionally from my previous areas. But that gets less and less as time goes on. ITs best to try to make it as clean a break and start your new life. I always look for things I like in a new place. I can name the things each town comes to mind- Ohio- Young's Dairy Farm and Halloween events, Northern California- blooming almonds, salmon running, New MeXico- Balloon fiesta, Socorro, luminarias, Frontier Restaurant, Belgium- festivals, mushroom walk, flowers and bakeries; Florida- wildlife, concerts, Northern VA- Kennedy Center, spring time, fall. This way I have things I love about each place and look forward to finding new things to love. I actually have tons more things for each place but this is just an example.

[elegantlion]

I get used to a place about the time we're ready to move. :glare: Historically we move every 4-5 years, not for any reason except we feel the need to move. We've been here 4 years and ironically we're gearing up to move this year. While I feel at ease here, this has never truly felt like home.

 

I try to adopt the "Bloom where you are planted" motto. It did take me a couple of years here before I felt okay.

[LizzyBee]

IME, at least a year, often longer.

[EarleneW]

We've been in the ATL area for about 2 1/2 years and it is finally starting to feel like home. I have found youjust have to get involved.

[nukeswife]

I think it depends on the situation and your usual life. My dh is military so when 2 years comes I'm thinking to myself "Why haven't we moved yet" It usually only take me a couple months to adjust, but I believe that is because moving is common place for me. I've been moving every 12-18 months for the last 12 years. This is the first time we've been somewhere this long we've been here 3 years and have 18 more months at least, it's kind of weird.

 

I think you may just need to get out there and find the great things about your new area. I also agree with a previous poster that suggested not checking in on MA as often as you do it will most likely only make you want to be there more.

[Kate CA]

I don't think you are a nutcase at all. It took me two years to adjust to this area and I only moved 2.5 hours from my hometown. I don't know if you are a church-going person, but that made all the difference in the world. It was a place where we met and became friends with people and that helped immensely.

 

I can tell that you are grieving a loss and that is a very natural feeling. It is a loss and one you didn't welcome. I am sorry. It felt like a loss to us too because it was - we knew no one when we arrived here and we were lonely and wow, did we miss friends and family. Time and making new relationships in your new area will help that.

 

If you know that you are there to stay then you will have to process your loss and accept it. This can be difficult to do, but for your own heart and peace, you will have to do it. I think it will be very much a conscious choice you have to make every day or you will end up wallowing in your unhappiness. That will not be good for anyone.

 

Hugs to you - I have been there, but it does pass and things do get better. :grouphug:

[ElizabethB]

Can I make a gentle suggestion? Unless you are going to be moving back to MA soon, stop focusing on that area so much. I do look at some news occasionally from my previous areas. But that gets less and less as time goes on. ITs best to try to make it as clean a break and start your new life. I always look for things I like in a new place. I can name the things each town comes to mind- Ohio- Young's Dairy Farm and Halloween events, Northern California- blooming almonds, salmon running, New MeXico- Balloon fiesta, Socorro, luminarias, Frontier Restaurant, Belgium- festivals, mushroom walk, flowers and bakeries; Florida- wildlife, concerts, Northern VA- Kennedy Center, spring time, fall. This way I have things I love about each place and look forward to finding new things to love. I actually have tons more things for each place but this is just an example.

:iagree:

 

Although it is hard, we really felt at home in Germany of all places (we stayed there for 4 years, being lucky enough to extend the normal 3 year tour there to 4.) It took us a while longer than usual to adapt after leaving Germany. We loved the food, the restaurants, being able to walk to places, how close we got to our neighbors (ironically, we were closer to our not-fully English speaking neighbors there than most neighbors here in the States.) Being able to visit almost anywhere in Europe on a weekend, how close our military friends were there, our church....

 

We also loved luminarias and the balloon festival in New Mexico, and the food. Green chilis and sopapillas! We loved the walking trail near our house and fall leaves in Virginia. Good friends and southern hospitality in Arkansas and Alabama. The beach and cool things to visit here in the LA area.

 

I had a friend who lived across from a bakery in Belgium, and she didn't gain a single pound! I would have gained at least 30 pounds, probably more, if I lived across from one. While the German food was good, their bakeries were nothing like those in France or Belgium.

[justamouse]

It took me a few years to not wake up and feel as if I was in a motel.

 

That said, I think you need to go easy on yourself. I think -and this is my personal perception of what you posted- that you are grieving, and that needs time to heal. All of your loving, deeply embedded roots were ripped out. You need time to regrow them, to heal the wounds that brought you to where you are now. Give yourself the gift of ease and realize you may never feel good about it, either. That's OK too.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Cammie]

It took me at least 1 1/2 years for India to feel like home. They talk about there being a U curve for those who move abroad - maybe it is true for you as well. Here are the details of that:

 

The U curve relates the time path of an expatriate’ adjustment to a host

country’s culture. It involves a honeymoon stage, followed by culture shock and a process of improvement or adjustment to the host culture, culminating in a mastery stage, characterised by 'small incremental.increases' in the expatriates ability to function effectively. The degree of adjustment is measured not by conformity to the host country culture but in terms of variables such as comfort or satisfaction with the new environment, attitudes, degree of contact with

host nationals, or difficulties with aspects of the new environment (Black & Mendenhall, 1990)i. The different stages suggest that there is a transition in understanding and living when shifting from a home to a host country culture. Initially, difficulties of adjustment may be overridden by a cultural infatuation caused by the newness of the environment. Culture shock sets in when coping with the new environment on a daily basis becomes necessary. The adjustment stage is marked by an increasing degree of satisfaction with being able to cope with the cultural norms of the host country. Increasing satisfaction may have nothing to do with

following host country behaviours but rather, having a better knowledge of how to function effectively within the host country. Familiarity with the context of the host country may result in increased expectations of that culture and people, rather than any desire to follow that culture (Usunier, 1998).

 

 

So, maybe right now you are in the bottom of the "U". The initial euphoria of the move has worn of and now the hard work of meeting the locals, learning the culture and making small incremental steps has set in. This was absolutely the case for me. I remember distinctly somewhere around 4-5 months dissolving in tears over insignificant matters. It takes time, you need to give yourself time. Make friends, find places you like to go for coffee or dinner, find activities the family can enjoy in the new place.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

[Garga]

Two years. Maybe more. Rarely less.

[Guest janainaz]

:grouphug:

At least a year and a half to stop hurting for the home left behind, and 3 years to feel like it would hurt to move somewhere new.

 

This was true for me as well. Moving is so hard and it can be very emotional. I've felt that very deep sadness in my heart and that longing for "home" after a move. I've had emotional ties to parks and stores and even sidewalks that I pushed the stroller up and down all the time. I hated my 'new' Target because I wanted my 'old' one back! Each little place held a memory for me.

 

It's a big change and you just have to give yourself permission to hurt a little. Looking back at my own painful transition to moving, I see that my life has consisted of some very beautiful memories. It hurt so much leaving certain places because of all those little moments in time that were precious. There is something about familiarity that feels safe and secure. It just takes time - which does not help much when you're feeling the loss. But it will get better.

[Hedgehogs4]

In my experience (and i've moved quite a lot), it takes a year to stop feeling homesick, two to get used to living in a place, three to put down roots. we've been where we are for four years and finally I feel like it's "home."

[abbeyej]

Three years. To feel like the new place is "home". Every time, for me. The first year is the hardest though...

[mcconnellboys]

No advice, but it took me about 6-8 years to really start to get used to living in Kentucky after living in Baton Rouge for 15 years. Why that should be so, I'm not sure. I still don't read a local paper or watch local news unless there's an ice storm or some major reason to watch.

 

Maybe it's just that when you live a place and really love it, it's hard mentally to give it up. And if the new place doesn't immediately start to offer up things that you also really love, then maybe it will take some time to grow on you.

 

I was in Knoxville over the weekend. It's where I went to school and first lived on my own as an adult (or a reasonable facsimile of same). It's bittersweet for me for many reasons, but I sort of still mourn being out of those mountains, too. I also always loved all the shopping there (Lexington is really just now beginning to gain the sort of shopping opportunities that my other homes always had).

 

So, I'm really not sure why it's taken me so long to warm to this place, but I tend to think that it has something to do with the lack of warmth in the people here compared to what I've experienced in the other places I've lived. The area I live in is pretty barren of trees, too, and I've never lived anywhere like that before. There may be many suttle things that influence how you feel about a place - the amount of sunlight; hours of light and darkness; familiar landforms, etc.

 

Hope you begin to find some things to like about your new home. I'm not sure where you are in PA, but when we've driven through on trips, we really liked the more northern parts of the state.

[Denisemomof4]

six months is not enough time to adjust, to make new friendships on a MEANINGFUL level, to know all the special places around to shop at, eat at, etc. You most definitely need more time.

 

I'm going to be honest. I lived in CA and moved to NH at age 21. I absolutely HATED it. My biggest adjustment was the weather (used to sun, sun and more sun in CA and I absolutely HATED the humidity!), winter and the people. I'm sorry, but I found the people here incredibly rude and so different from everyone I new in CA.

 

Then we moved to a small town and I've been very happy since. It took me 16 years to call NH home. I didn't dwell on how I hated it. I just lived my life and waited for dh to transfer out of here one day - which was a condition to my accepting his marriage proposal - that we'd eventually leave NH. He tried twice; once for VA and once for AZ. I'm SO THANKFUL it never worked out as both would have left us in dire circumstances. If we had moved to VA, dh would have worked for the same company out of our home. The business shut down within a year. In AZ we would have bought at the absolute TOP of the market right before the market crashed.

 

Now you couldn't pull me away from NH, and winter is my most favorite season! We just had a beautiful heavy snowfall and dd and I went for a lovely walk. I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE winter!!!!!

 

I don't know how long it will take you to adjust, and I hope it won't take even a quarter of the time it took me for you to consider PA home. The more you become familiar with your surroundings, meet people, etc. the happier I'm sure you'll be.

[Hillary in KS]

Our family has moved a LOT.

 

Our experience has been that the first year is the hardest, especially after you've left someplace you've lived for a long time. After the first year it gets much easier. :)

 

The second year is the year where we start to settle in, and don't feel like we're "new." The third year is where we notice we have developed strong friendships, and seem to "belong." After that, it feels more like home. :)

 

Hang in there!

[chiguirre]

It took me about 18 months to think of Houston as home. Dh still doesn't think of it that way although he does appreciate its amenities. We moved because of our dss' autism so I'm sure it was harder than normal to get our bearings.

 

RC, I grew up in Western PA and lived in Boston for a year. I completely understand your feelings. Do you have the chance to go to downtown Pgh often? It's not quite Boston, but there are lots of places that are a great distraction. I particularly like Shadyside. It's a bit like the Back Bay. Squirrel Hill might remind you of Brookline. You could also try out some of the unique local celebrations. Check out Punxsatawney on Ground Hog day, try out the Folk Festival, buy yourself a Terrible Towel and learn the words to the Steeler's polka (well, maybe next season). I know most of these ideas are cheesy, but they do get you in the spirit of the place and you might enjoy some of them. I'm still not a big rodeo fan, but I've grown quite fond of Blue Bell and Shiner. It just takes patience.

[Kari C in SC]

Haven't read the other responses. I would say it takes about 2 years. I am at the 2 year mark for us being in SC. We were in FL for 17 years before that - dh and I moved when we were first married. We consider ourselves to be Floridians even though we are originally from IL since we spent most of our adult life there. Anyway, just now and I driving around and I know exactly where I am. Just now am I able to know more about the place. It is a journey. I did want to touch on your kids. My oldest was 18 when we moved here. He grew up in FL. He did NOT want to move. He was only here for about 6 months before he joined the Army. It has been a very hard decision for me to know that most likely he will never move here as his home. He always talks about when he moves back to FL. Another things is when he comes home on leave - he rarely stays put here in SC. He just wants to get down to FL as fast as he can because all of his friends are there. So... when he takes leave... we all take leave and go to FL to be with him. So far that has worked out, but I don't know how often we will be able to do that. Anyway, I hope that you kids come around because they are a bit younger. My 11 year old says she loves SC and would never move back to FL. Good luck.

[Laura Corin]

As my board name says, we are transients since we are an active duty military family. For me, there are different levels of comfort I feel. It usually takes at least six months to feel somewhat comfortable and about a year to feel established in a community. But I think it would be longer if it wasn't something I was so used to doing.

 

Can I make a gentle suggestion? Unless you are going to be moving back to MA soon, stop focusing on that area so much. I do look at some news occasionally from my previous areas. But that gets less and less as time goes on. ITs best to try to make it as clean a break and start your new life. I always look for things I like in a new place.

 

I've moved a lot and always try to consciously let go of the previous place by reading less about it, whilst looking for the good in the new place.

 

Laura

[rafiki]

.

[East Coast Sue]

If you are accustomed to moving a lot- it can take about a year to really get settled and established in a new place. However, sometimes there are limitations. We moved from Kansas to New York the summer of 2001. I had just had my first baby. We found a church, friends, doctors- and then three months later 9/11 occurred and everyone retreated to their old circle of friends. We understood the need to find comfort from long-time friends and family but we never felt at home in New York. We were very glad to move from their about a year later.

 

If you are not used to relocating- plan on it taking 18 months to 2 yrs. If you move while pregnant it takes at least 2 yrs... ask me how I know...

 

We've moved 4 times in 10 yrs. I have been either pregnant or just delivered during three of the moves!

[Tutor]

It takes me 2-3 years, usually. About 2 years to get my routine down and really know where things are so that getting around is second nature. It takes me about another full year to feel like a member of the community and be at peace about our new location. This is most obvious in how our home looks. It looks rather "college dormish" until about the 3rd year mark. I start painting, hanging more pictures, and really changing the landscaping when I feel at home... moving from surviving to living. I just started doing that here, and we've been here 2.5 years now.

 

Of course, my starting to feel comfortable in a place usually lines up with my dh's wanderlust kicking in again. :glare: Fortunately he has about 2.5 years left in his degree program, so I have a few more years to enjoy this home before we move on.

[torikei]

It has taken me three years to adjust to our move. I have to admit that I still DON'T LIKE the town we live near. We moved from a university town where we walked everywhere to a town where no one walks. The university at our old home town brought in culture and progressive thinking. We now live in a tourist town where people feel quite comfortable being rude to everyone. I guess they feel like it's okay to be rude to someone whom you'll probably never see again. The rudeness seems to permeate everything here. Half our neighbors are wonderful. Half are half crazed loonies who would rather scream at the first sign of conflict than try to work it out.

 

Where we live now has a high crime rate for such a small town. Two women have been killed by their spouses in less than a year. A woman was raped in the restroom of a restaurant we use to frequent. This is a town of less than 18,000. We may have only moved 90 miles on the map--but it feels like we moved to a different planet.

 

We do have incredible ties to this place now. I think that bothers me as much as when I absolutely hated it. I can feel the ties strengthening and can't help thinking that I'll probably grow old in this town. I guess I don't have any answers for you. I'm still asking myself if it's selfish to want to move the family--when they seem quite happy here.

 

P.S. I do have some things that I really love here. Our hill with 9 acres is amazing. Our church is full of caring loving people. Our kids are involved in some neat activities in a neighboring town. I guess if I had any advice try to find the traits that make your area special. Try to focus on that.

 

Tori

[Alicia64]

I have to say something different: I think that there are too many generalities about moving on this thread. Everyone adapts at different times.

 

I think the key is looking at why you had to move. It sounds like you had to and didn't want to. At all.

 

I was ready to try something new outside of CA. I was surprised when I got to VA and felt sickeningly homesick. Really sad. Seven days later that horrible feeling was gone. Just disappeared.

 

I've only been here 12 days -- and of course I don't know my way around -- but I'm really pleased when I figure out one more road or where the laundromat is for a larger comforter etc. (And I'm thrilled that awful feeling hasn't returned in any way, shape or form.)

 

My point is that if your heart's not really into it, it's got to be a serious climb.

 

One more point: I have twins. Anyone who can survive triplet infants, knows her way around surviving difficult situations.

 

One more totally stupid point, but I actually think this: I always loved Goldie Hawn's Private Benjamin movie. Friends think I'm nuts. I always loved how she semi-accidentally got herself into the army, whined through it all irritating everyone around her and finally decided to "go for it" and make it work.

 

And through transforming her attitude and goals, her world opened up.

 

I've needed to hear that message through every stage of my life.

 

If you're still reading -- and not rolling your eyes -- thank you!!

 

My heart goes out to you. I think being forced to leave a region you love and have always planned to be in has got to be a horrendous experience.

 

Take care,

 

Alley

[LibraryLover]

I only moved across town. it's been nearly 4 yrs and I am still not adjusted. I hope I fully adjust soon, or this house I told my dh was my forever house, won't be. I keep thinking about calling the folks who bought my old house and asking if they will just trade. ;) That's a pretty insane thought, not only because the values of the homes are drastically different, but also because I *don't* actually want to live there again, but change is difficult for me.

 

Some of us have a really hard time moving. I don't move very often because of this. This is our 5th move in 26 yrs, and each time we move, I swear it will be our last. It never gets easier. I would need some serious drugs if we were military.

 

Obvioulsy I am no help, and I hope I haven't depressed you.

Edited January 27, 2010 by LibraryLover

[RoughCollie]

Thank you all very much for your replies. I keep meaning to find this thread so I can post this.

 

I am going to take your suggestions.

 

Most of all, it is good to know that I am not taking too long to adjust to living here. I have been worried that my response to this move proved that I was mentally imbalanced since I have not adjusted to it quickly.

 

At least I know now that I'm not crazy.

 

Thank you again for your advice, reassurance, and personal stories. It has helped me a lot.

[treestarfae]

I lived in Boston and the Boston suburbs for 27 years before moving away for 9 years so far of the military lifestyle. This is our 4th state. I have the coast in my blood and I do not bond well otherwise. We lived in Virginia Beach for 4 years and it's a close second to home(Boston). I will always miss New England. It's in my bones, I grew up there. I have purposefully avoided visiting for 3 1/2 years now because I don't like the emotional roller coaster. My family just visits me. If you ever want to commiserate with me give me a shout lol.