LauraGB Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) I decided to take a nap this afternoon because I didn't get much sleep last night. Just 2 hours. Before I did it, I told dh to spend some quality time with his children. I also told the children to clean up thier mess on the table (where we do school) and thier lunch mess before they went anywhere with Dad. Fast fwd to now. I got up, its eerily quiet because everyone is gone. I enter my kitchen. All the dirty lunch dishes have been tossed onto the counter above the dishwasher. The remnants of lunch were dumped into the sink, but no one ran the disposal. Crumbs and smeared jelly adorn my counter tops, along with the empty jelly jar and lid, as well as some books, a cd case, various pieces of silverware and empty plastic wrappers including the empty bread bag. My kitchen is small. I have described all surfaces in there. In the dining room, all the school books are spread out all over the table, lying there among the napkins from lunch and 5 (count them, FIVE) cups and crumbs. Also, for some reason there is a hammer and a flashlight :confused:. On my way to the living room, I step over another napkin (presumably from lunch) to turn off the tv no one is home to watch. There are seven, yes seven, more glasses and an empty box of crackers sitting on the coffee table, again, among crumbs. Do I: A) Bite it and clean it up because I need to start making dinner for my loving family soon and I need room. B) Take pictures of the mess, load it up as a screen saver to both the children's computer and dh's, then clean it up. C) Get in my car and drive away somewhere and hope they'll just clean it up when they get home, but before I do. D) Go back to sleep. E) Other (taking suggestions) I should also point out that every member of my family constantly needs verbal cues to clean up after themselves or they simply won't do it. Each member is old enough and capable enough to do this on thier own. I should also point out that before I go to bed every night, my house is very clean because I do not like to wake up to a mess. I should also point out that I only use 2 glasses each day; a coffee cup in the morning, and the same water glass all day. :glare::glare::glare: Edited October 30, 2009 by LauraGB to add the obligatory 'other' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 What the heck, do B, then go online and order a different color cup for each kid. Try to train each kid to use their cup only. Despair when it doesn't work, but keep trying. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Don't cook for anyone tonight. Make your own supper but no one else's. Leave their mess for them to clean up when they get back. If they get back in time and clean up in time for you to make a decent supper, then they can have it. If not, it's get-your-own-supper tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olan719 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I would probably just go ahead and do "A", but "B" sounds awfully tempting. You get the mess cleaned up (though you have to do it), but you still get your point across. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 D) go back to sleep. Ohhhh, brave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I would do option C. Take yourself out to dinner! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 D) Go back to sleep. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Realistically, I would get really mad first and say, "How dare they do this to me." Then, I might think, "How can I shock the family and bless them?" I would turn on some really rocking music, attack the kitchen and clean like crazy. Then, when the family comes home, I would thank the dh for a little time to take a nap and give me some quiet. Crazy? I'm trying to rethink my own initial feelings of being inconvenienced and be more giving to my family. This is just my own thing though, so don't think I am judging you at all. Don't really know where you are coming from. However, for me, when I have been trying this, an amazing thing has begun to happen. The rest of the family have begun to recipricate. It's like they don't want to be out-blessed. Like I said, this is not my natural reaction but it sure makes for a more peaceful home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 I'll edit to add E) Other, because technically, I'm sitting here with you all stalling and not even doing any of my own options! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 DH votes for B or D. I'd probably do A because half the mess in my home is mine anyway. ETA: After seeing your profile picture, I vote send them a howler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommy&herboys Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Do B, than C, and than D! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I like option B. At least your husband went out and spent quality time with the kids. Give him points for that :001_smile: And they let you sleep. I understand though. Sometimes I have to go somewhere and when I come back all the dirty dishes are still in the kitchen. Argh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty Social Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Sounds like they are about to come home to no dinner. Can't cook if they leave the place trashed. Once or twice of that ought to help them remember:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 It's like they don't want to be out-blessed. Like I said, this is not my natural reaction but it sure makes for a more peaceful home. :lol:, You, my dear, are a much bigger person than I. I commend you! I would even consider it if I thought for a second my family wouldn't just shrug and think 'cool, I didn't have to do that'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I agree. This would probably make them more grateful in the future. Next time they might be more thoughtful of you and clean up after themselves while they remember what a caring and loving mom they have. Although the "Go back to sleep" is also very tempting.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 ETA: After seeing your profile picture, I vote send them a howler. :smilielol5: (My kids picked my avatar - can you believe it? :Angel_anim:) You guys are great - I actually feel better already. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 I'm tired of being walked on. Just doing stuff to be nice and to get it done isn't working for me anymore. So now I take the hard liner approach. Sure your kids will appreciate all that you do for them. When they have their own kids. :glare: I'm with you, but ds is a product of my upbringing. If he grows up to expect his wife to clean up after him like his mother, I will be very disappointed in him, and utimately me. Dd is...okay...about cleaning up after herself, though. I will not discuss dh (**cough, cough, wink, wink**) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I might be slightly irritated at the kids, but then I would remember they let me take a nap and then they left the house. Then I would happily clean it up :001_smile:. ETA: My boys each get a milk cup in the morning (a plastic cup in their color) and a glass at the dinner table for juice at dinner time. They each have their own color water bottle, and that's what they use during the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I just went through this last night. It seems whenever I go on strike (ie: refuse to clean up everybody else's mess) nobody notices & I end up cleaning it up anyway--feeling more angry and resentful. The problem is that I am not clearly communicating WHY I'm mad and what needs to change. So, back to last night...instead of slamming dishes around (which I am prone to do in these kinds of moods), I just loudly announced what they each needed to do (including dh) by a certain time or the kitchen was closed for dinner. So...if I were in your shoes, I would write a large note...with specific chores that needed to be done, tell them to help themselves to cereal, milk & toast for dinner...and say I'll be back at 9. Then I'd go enjoy myself at Barnes & Noble for a few hours. (I'd still have it in my mind that I would probably need to go home and clean the kitchen myself...but I'd enjoy my time away before that happened!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I'd leave a note that said, "Call me on my cell phone when you have cleaned up like I asked you to do this morning, and I'll come home." Then I'd go to a girlfriend's house and relax. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cedarmom Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Well option D may be your best choice. I think I would try and be thaknful for what they did do, but also realize I am not the maid.I think when they come home thank hubby and kids for letting you sleep. Then say nicely would you all please clean up the kitchen , then I (or they can help ) will make dinner. If dinner is later because of that, they can snack. Or you can order pizza out. But, if they come home and you are angry at dh for not cleaning up, he will most likely be hurt because he was trying to help. So ideally I would ask for help in a nice way. Funny might be good too, though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I could see going two ways with it. One would be, if you are usually a pretty easy-going woman and haven't used up your share of hysterics, to do as PP said and make your own dinner, leaving all of the mess exactly as it is. When they get home, eat in front of them and tell them that you are done cooking for them if they can't bother to pick up after themselves. If that might not work with your dh or dc, I would suggest waiting until they get home and then calmly making dc clean up the mess, while planning how to train better habits into dc. :001_smile: I do all of the housework in our family. I have no problem with that. But I have been known to use my "throw a fit" card about picking up dishes, socks, etc. It is SOOOO disheartening. I could cook dinner and wash clothes and clean toilets all day with a perfectly happy attitude, but you give me one sock carelessly tossed down or a plate left behind, and I go into full on,"Do you think I'm your maid?!" mode. Making more work for someone else on purpose is rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I decided to take a nap this afternoon because I didn't get much sleep last night. Just 2 hours. Before I did it, I told dh to spend some quality time with his children. I also told the children to clean up their mess on the table (where we do school) and their lunch mess before they went anywhere with Dad. I'm wondering if they just ran away. I know that when I get really tired, everyone in the house runs for cover. Or maybe the tone you wrote in was due to your current frustration and doesn't reflect your words at the time. When they got back, I'd say something like, 'I had a wonderful nap - that was brilliant that you left me in peace for it. It looks like you didn't have time to clean up before you went out. Could you do that now please.' Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I'd first be very grateful that I got two hours of sleep when I needed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I'd go back to bed, or read a book. When the family arrives home, we'd set the timer for 10 minutes and everyone would work together. With everybody working together, the whole mess could definitely be cleaned up within 10 minutes. Then we'd move on with dinner, still working together, and making something easy, since there wasn't time for me to make a more elaborate meal. p.s. I'd do it with a smile, too! :001_smile: Nobody loses out with this plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I vote for D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangearrow Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Your kids are both 10 years old? Then, I'd make my own dinner and leave them to fend for themselves, without question. If they clean up the mess I'd probably be willing to throw something together for them for dinner - but if they whine/grumble while cleaning up said mess - then - they're on their own. No way, no how would I clean it up. Nuh-uh, not gonna happen in this house, anyway. :D As for thanking everyone for letting me have a nap, nope - that wouldn't happen here either. If I'm zonked enough to need a nap, kids are told to be quiet while I take a nap. Period. If they wake me up, there's a she-bear they get to deal with. And my youngest is 6! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) I'm wondering if they just ran away. I know that when I get really tired, everyone in the house runs for cover. Or maybe the tone you wrote in was due to your current frustration and doesn't reflect your words at the time. When they got back, I'd say something like, 'I had a wonderful nap - that was brilliant that you left me in peace for it. It looks like you didn't have time to clean up before you went out. Could you do that now please.' Laura :) Mostly the tone of my post was due to frustration, lol. I did tell dh to do something with the kids and I did tell the kids to get thier stuff cleaned up first because, unfortunately, in my family, if say something like, "Would you mind doing such and such," they would most likely consider it an actual multiple choice question and not necessarily do it. Par for the course, I'm afraid. I finally broke down and started to clean up the kitchen seconds before they came home. I matter-of-factly explained that I needed to clean up this mess before I could do anything, and the dc said, "Oh yeah, oops!" and helped. Oh, and I'm not really mad at dh for the mess. He's quite a bit better than the kids, for the most part. And we had the "if you wanted a maid" discussion over a decade ago, which really helped things. Most of the mess was the dc's. Dh is not on the hook. Edited October 30, 2009 by LauraGB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I'd just make dinner and have them clean up when they got home. I can't imagine how bad it would make my dh and dc feel if I "punished" them in some way for leaving a small mess. If some of it were in the way of me making dinner, I would just move it out of the way. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I agree. This would probably make them more grateful in the future. Next time they might be more thoughtful of you and clean up after themselves while they remember what a caring and loving mom they have. Although the "Go back to sleep" is also very tempting.:D Gosh, I totally don't think it works that way. I know way too many moms who slave cleaning up after their kids. . . and get absolutely no appreciation for it. Actually, I think it encourages the kids to disrepect you and to not be responsible people. I clean up plenty, and cleaning up after your spouse is different from cleaning up after kids old enough to know better (and who were aware of the expectations). With a spouse, there is balance of jobs, one might willingly do 90% of the cleaning if the other does 90% of the for-pay work or all the yard/farm/garden/cars work. Or whatever. That's all good -- whatever works for the family. Honestly, I'd probably lay into the KIDS for the mess, but probably let DH mostly off the hook. The kids are old enough to know better. I'd set them to work cleaning it up when they get home. . . and let them eat really boring food for dinner (make it yourself pb&j) and either eat late and yummy with dh (after the kids clean up their own dinner mess and are off to bed) or even go out with dh, if possible. DH would appreciate being let off the hook, and would feel guilty enough by simply observing the disruption his lack of supervision caused. . . probably more effective than holllering about it. :) The kids, on the other hand, need more concrete reminders of their duties. . . such as being on the hook for EXTRA kitchen chores for a week or so. . . I'd probably try to assign each guilty kid an extra daily chore for a while to "make up for the disruption in my day/meal plan/evening". . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 Sorry, but why is it a HUGE favor that mom gets to take a small break once in a blue moon? And why is it a HUGE favor that dad plays with the kids? They are his kids too! As if it is so kind of him to take care of his own kids? :001_huh: Why is it all on mom? I would consider it a huge favor of a friend or neighbor to watch my kids for me. Not my own DH. I don't know about you, but I do 99.99% of the cleaning and child care around here. Expecting people to clean up after themselves once in a blue moon after I asked is the least my family could humor me on. Exactly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I would leave a note saying that you are not making dinner tonight because of the mess you found in your home. Tell them you have gone out to eat (and DO go out to eat) and allow them to fend for themselves after they clean up their mess. We have some tough love around here. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmom3tn Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Don't cook for anyone tonight. Make your own supper but no one else's. Leave their mess for them to clean up when they get back. If they get back in time and clean up in time for you to make a decent supper, then they can have it. If not, it's get-your-own-supper tonight. :iagree: That's pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 By the way, what did you end up doing? :D I gave in and started to clean. I didn't get very far by the time they got home, so they pretty much finished the rest. You know, I might have considered a thank you for letting me nap (because I don't do it very often), but this is how it is every day, all day long. I don't mind being the Queen Cleaner, but I do expect help (home ec, right? Necessary life knowledge). I do not want to be the Maid. I don't like to clean, and, frankly, I'm not even really all that good at it, and while I will spend a substantial amt of my life doing this, I'd rather it be the big stuff and not wiping up the crumbs of perfectly able bodied individuals. It would be good to be a regular, contributing part of the family instead of always being Useful to the family, kwim? In fact, they might consider thanking me for getting out of thier hair for 2 hours :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I'd go back to bed and ask dh to tidy up when you wake. If he comes home before you arte asleep, I'd ask him then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 This. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhM Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Oh - I hope you did D! And when asked where dinner was, I hope you sweetly answered, "I'd be happy to fix dinner as soon as I'm able to get into the kitchen to fix it." I sympathize! I really do. My personal favorite around here is finding the item that I asked a dd to put away has been simply moved to a different location. (i.e. from the coffee table to the kitchen counter.):banghead: :cursing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Realistically, I would get really mad first and say, "How dare they do this to me." Then, I might think, "How can I shock the family and bless them?" I would turn on some really rocking music, attack the kitchen and clean like crazy. Then, when the family comes home, I would thank the dh for a little time to take a nap and give me some quiet. Crazy? I'm trying to rethink my own initial feelings of being inconvenienced and be more giving to my family. This is just my own thing though, so don't think I am judging you at all. Don't really know where you are coming from. However, for me, when I have been trying this, an amazing thing has begun to happen. The rest of the family have begun to recipricate. It's like they don't want to be out-blessed. Like I said, this is not my natural reaction but it sure makes for a more peaceful home. Owie. I say owie because I'm trying to rethink things and not continually serve the kingdom of Self, but the kingdom of God and I have to admit, my initial reaction to the OP was to not make dinner until they cleaned up the lunch mess. But that's selfish and vengeful and one person's bad behavior doesn't justify mine. So, here I sit, convicted and humbled by your post. And, smarting a bit. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Clean it up and train your dh better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I'd go back to bed, or read a book. When the family arrives home, we'd set the timer for 10 minutes and everyone would work together. With everybody working together, the whole mess could definitely be cleaned up within 10 minutes. Then we'd move on with dinner, still working together, and making something easy, since there wasn't time for me to make a more elaborate meal. p.s. I'd do it with a smile, too! :001_smile: Nobody loses out with this plan. this would have been my vote... and put on some music to get everyone in the super cleaning family working together kind of mood. Sounds like what you did worked out too. Glad you got in a nap and some quiet time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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