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Can a rant be polite? I tried to make it that way. Yesterday evening, my children's lovely, patient, wonderful Choir Director (the woman has the patience of a saint!) sent out an email with instructions for this Sunday (kids are singing), and a request for two families to provide a 'TREAT' (she specifically stated cheese, crackers, veggies, cookies, drinks) for Sunday evening's rehearsal for a little celebration for singing at two services Sunday morning. There are 26 children in junior choir.

 

This morning, SIX families had responded -- (everyone had hit reply all so we were all on the same page)...four families said they would bring cupcakes, the other two families said they would bring cookies.

:rant:

I realize that the 'no sugar' thing is my own personal little soapbox in most circles, but I am SO tired of the sugar issue being ignored -- I respect and understand kids and peanut and nut allergies....to the point that when we have birthday parties, I make certain the pizza is ordered from the ONLY pizza place that the other mom trusts...and I accomodate her child in other ways as well. I think it is considerate, responsible, and the right thing to do. Sugar is to my kids what nuts are to kids who have nut allergies.

 

A cupcake eaten at 6:30pm on a Sunday will continue to affect my children (the twins especially) until midnight.

 

So, today (sorry -- I aLWAYS ramble) when the sixth offer for cupcakes and or cookies was made, I sent the following email to the group:

I am most appreciative of the kind offers that have been made to provide

cupcakes and cookies for Sunday's little celebration. I will bring something to add to the celebration that is not quite as 'sugar-intensive.' My children

react to sugar the way 'peanut-allergic' children react to nuts -- their

reaction is quite strong and the negative effects of the sugar will remain with

them for hours. One cupcake eaten at that hour of the day will create havoc till amost midnight.

I will provide small bottles of water for Sunday and perhaps cheese and crackers or veggies.

Thank you again for your kind contributions -- Mariann A*****

 

The choir director immediately responded with a thank you for all the offers, and a very specifically worded thank you for the water/veggie/cheese/crackers.

 

Am I the ONLY mom who bristles at the indifference that some others have to the junk they give their kids to eat? I am not being snarky........I've been doing this 'mom-thing' for 30 years now. When DD30 was 5 or 6, if a mom provided a sugar-y snack, she was treated like a pariah -- no kidding! Has the pendulum swung the other way? Am I seeing those kids who were given raisins and apples as 'treats' now pushing cupcakes and cookies b/c they were not given those things?

 

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I'm laying some (not all) of the blame on the choir director. If she specifically asked for non-sugary treats, she should have be willing to enforce that. I would have responded politely to the cupcake/cookie parents with a nice, "I'm so glad you are willing to provide a treat for our children but we are looking for low-sugar items. If you are still willing to provide such a treat, let me know."

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:grouphug: No, you're NOT alone.

 

I have two children that are allergic/sensitive to red food dye. You cannot believe how many times people ignore it and bring cupcakes/cake with red icing!! Or Doritos -- they have red #40 in them.

 

Now, my kids won't whine/complain that they can't have something...they just politely decline the snack. But, it really burns me that people don't take it seriously...

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I am with you. Seems crazy after her specific request, two replies offered cupcakes. I think some people just want to bring what their own children prefer, or what is easiest for them to bring.

 

My own rant is Gramma. She has a candy drawer. A deep and wide and fully stocked candy drawer. I have specifically asked her to go easy on the candy with my kids (while allowing a reasonable treat here and there), and she seems to enjoy pushing the candy in my absence. She seems to think the kids won't tell, but they always do.... now that they are older, they've caught on to the game. Thankfully, they have learned to decline repeated offers. Still hard for my youngest to say no, though.

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I have two children that are allergic/sensitive to red food dye. You cannot believe how many times people ignore it and bring cupcakes/cake with red icing!! Or Doritos -- they have red #40 in them./QUOTE]

 

I have to confess that I was ignorant of this one til just recently. But this fall I have been witness to the effects of red food dye in my friends' children. I can sympathize with you now. Like corn, food dye seems to an often "hidden" ingredient.

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You are not the only one. Ds reacted to sugar strangely, when he has had too much he becomes violent. We never know if too much will be 1 cupcake or a whole box of them kwim. I do still allow sugar treats at times, but do try to keep them to a minimum. Given the time of night this event is happening I would want to avoid them at all costs due to risk of reaction and no time to come down before bed. I think your email was fine, you weren't condemning the other families, you were offering to bring a different snack and explain why. I am slowly trying to change ds's diet to reflect more of a diabetic diet to help reduce the sugar's anyway we can (he is reacting more often to less sugar lately), If he was truely diabetic and not just reacting with violence no one would think twice about my concern for sugar. (especially this close to halloween)

 

Good luck with the kids singing at the 2 services.

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I don't think you're whining, either. Sugar cereal for my DS might as well be crack. If he has soda for a few days, he gets awful acne and sometimes boils. Red kool-aid is the absolute worst! It is as if the dye/sugar combo makes something unbelievably toxic.

 

I would like to say that the cupcake phenomenon is because they are so *easy* - with mixes and with the pre-packaged ones being easily available (if nasty tasting) from grocery store bakeries - but nowadays, so are veggie trays! It isn't as if you have to get bags of veggies, spend an hour washing and cutting everything and putting it in a tupperware anymore - you can pick a pre-made one up in the produce section. Or grapes! Wash off a couple of bunches of grapes and kids will love you forever.

 

My son's group had a bake sale and 4/6 parents baked brownies. We had specifically said NO BROWNIES.

 

I hear you.

 

 

a

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You are definitely NOT alone in feeling this way. I am so, so tired of battling others about this, too. We make treats, but make them at home so we know what's in it.

 

When we talk about dessert at our house, the kids know it is almost always fruit, and guess what?? They are happy about getting it, especially if it is a fruit they don't get that often!

 

I am so tired of friends and family thinking we're depriving our children by not letting them have Ho-Hos or Twinkies. :glare: It is like they get a huge thrill out sneaking junk to other kids!

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:grouphug: No, you're NOT alone.

 

I have two children that are allergic/sensitive to red food dye. You cannot believe how many times people ignore it and bring cupcakes/cake with red icing!! Or Doritos -- they have red #40 in them.

 

Now, my kids won't whine/complain that they can't have something...they just politely decline the snack. But, it really burns me that people don't take it seriously...

 

I envy you! My kids will act as if they are being physically tortured when they are denied....and they know they will be. We will have spoken about it beforehand, done the whole scripting thing, and the twins will FREAK OUT! :banghead:

 

I am with you. Seems crazy after her specific request, two replies offered cupcakes. I think some people just want to bring what their own children prefer, or what is easiest for them to bring.

 

My own rant is Gramma. She has a candy drawer. A deep and wide and fully stocked candy drawer. I have specifically asked her to go easy on the candy with my kids (while allowing a reasonable treat here and there), and she seems to enjoy pushing the candy in my absence. She seems to think the kids won't tell, but they always do.... now that they are older, they've caught on to the game. Thankfully, they have learned to decline repeated offers. Still hard for my youngest to say no, though.

 

YUP -- I can join you on that one! We don't see the grandparents often, BUT DH's dad will show up with donuts with frosting and sprinkles -- WHY? Because he wants their visit to be hellacious because of the kids' behavior?! :angry: I don't get why he insists on ignoring dh's and my very clear admonitions that the kids cannot have that stuff.

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I understand your frustration.

 

Frankly, based on the wording of the Choir Director's request, had I been her, I would have responded to those parents offering the cupcakes/cookies and said "No thank you, please provide an item from the list".

 

I do allow my children a limited amount of sweet treats, but 6 parents bringing sweets? Come on. The group could use some cheese, crackers, grapes, carrot sticks and 1 parent to provide a dessert type item.

 

My children have no food allergies/sensitivities (fortunately) but I'm still pretty rigid about the snacks I provide for group activities. I'm not the chips and soda mom, but I'm not the dehydrated cabbage cracker mom either.

 

Every parent should know that loading children up with sugar, fats, and food dyes is a bad idea, especially at 6 PM.

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I'm laying some (not all) of the blame on the choir director. If she specifically asked for non-sugary treats, she should have be willing to enforce that. I would have responded politely to the cupcake/cookie parents with a nice, "I'm so glad you are willing to provide a treat for our children but we are looking for low-sugar items. If you are still willing to provide such a treat, let me know."

 

:iagree: Maybe she sees that she is going to have to be quite specific in the future when she makes such requests --

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I can sympathize with concerns and agree that too often the only options given are sugary, but I don't think it will help that point to equate a child's sugar or dye reactions to those of children with peanut allergies unless that reaction is likely to require an immediate injection with an epipen, a trip to the emergency room and the real possibility of death even with treatment.

 

Yes, the reactions to sugar and dyes can be bad. Sugar is also not a friend to kids who are diabetic. There are other kids with sensitivities or true allergies to corn, wheat, soy, dairy, etc--all things that can all cause real problems. Other kids may have dietary restrictions due to religion or lifestyle (kosher, halal, vegetarian, etc). It's a good thing that your choir director appears mindful of that and is trying to provide a variety of foods as treats. From what you've said, I don't think we can assume that the director has not talked to the other folks or suggested alternatives privately rather than in a mass email.

Edited by KarenNC
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We have the same issues here. Mostly with family so that was easily solved by telling them all whoever feeds the junk, keeps the kids for the night. :lol: Everyone thought I was joking until the night I told my mom she was keeping the kids after *sneaking* them some candy (because it doesn't really hurt, right?)....and I really did leave my oldest who reacts the worst. She learned that I wasn't just being overly picky. Suddenly everyone in our family is very careful about what they serve at gatherings.

 

I have learned that plain chocolate bars don't have the same effect as a bag of skittles (or a cupcake with tons of colored icing) with my boys so I always ask that if candy be present, it at least be chocolate....or hide the Skittles until my boys have left. Our biggest problem now is soda pop, although I have converted my sisters. They only keep milk, water, and juice at their houses for their kids now too.

 

I do have a child who IS allergic to *something* in the icing. We still have yet to figure it out so for now we just don't allow it. Not a nut allergy because he has eaten all kinds of nuts, but has the same reaction. Face swells and turns red, breathing becomes labored. Awful.

Edited by christielee7278
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I can sympathize with concerns and agree that too often the only options given are sugary, but I don't think it will help that point to equate a child's sugar or dye reactions to those of children with peanut allergies unless that reaction is likely to require an immediate injection with an epipen, a trip to the emergency room and the real possibility of death even with treatment.

 

Yes, the reactions to sugar and dyes can be bad. Sugar is also not a friend to kids who are diabetic. There are other kids with sensitivities or true allergies to corn, wheat, soy, dairy, etc--all things that can all cause real problems. It's a good thing to be mindful of that and either provide a variety of foods as treats or find other ways to celebrate.

 

OK -- I do agree with you -- but I guess it was more of an analogy that I was drawing then a cause/effect -- to be honest with you, though, my ds after eating a cupcake has to be watched like a hawk because his impulse control goes out the window -- he will attempt things that will land him in an emergency room -- and that will happen with one frosted cupcake. He will have to be stopped from jumping down from heights that will harm him, he will dart into the road, he will launch himself down stairs -- my reality is that any of those behaviors can harm him and loading him up with sugar will bring on those behaviors. I would like the same degree of consideration that I give to parents when I ask if there are peanut allergies or nut allergies -- I guess I would like someone to point out that perhaps we could select treats that are not sugar-intense since some of our children are sensitive to sugar.....the same way that some of our children are allergic or sensitive to other things.. The awareness has to start somewhere.:)

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We are vegan. I take my own food everywhere we go, and the kids know that it is very likely that they will not be able to eat anything other than what we bring. (However, some people in the homeschool group have gone out of their way to bring or make vegan items, for which I am extremely appreciative.)

 

I have to say that the onus is on you. Most families don't mind if their kids have sugar at special occasions, so you're swimming against the tide. My opinion/advice is to accept the idea that you'll have to provide your own treats for things.

 

Btw, unless your children have an anaphylactic shock reaction to sugar, they do not react like kids with nut allergies.

 

Tara

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-- to be honest with you, though, my ds after eating a cupcake has to be watched like a hawk because his impulse control goes out the window -- he will attempt things that will land him in an emergency room -- and that will happen with one frosted cupcake. He will have to be stopped from jumping down from heights that will harm him, he will dart into the road, he will launch himself down stairs

 

My oldest is like this--very impulsive, but mostly towards others. He will pull horrible (and painful) pranks, wants to wrestle a little too aggressively. I have to really watch him with his little brothers if he's had too much.

 

For him, though I don't know if it's the sugar or additives. He doesn't seem to react as badly if he eats a homemade cupcake than a store-bought.

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Am I the ONLY mom who bristles at the indifference that some others have to the junk they give their kids to eat?

 

I could have written this post (except the mom part :D).

 

My wife and I deal with this problem constantly, and wonder what the heck is going on? Our son does not tolerate sugar well at all. He has the classic "spinning-out" reaction, to the point where we know if he's been given "treats" by a teacher or neighbor. And it makes me nuts!

 

Schools are the worst these days. A party for this, a party for that. And "party" means sugary junk-food. And you get that "well it's a special occasion it's OK attitude." It isn't OK.

 

Grrrr...

 

Bill

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I can sympathize with concerns and agree that too often the only options given are sugary, but I don't think it will help that point to equate a child's sugar or dye reactions to those of children with peanut allergies unless that reaction is likely to require an immediate injection with an epipen, a trip to the emergency room and the real possibility of death even with treatment.

 

 

So, my child's reaction to food dye isn't as "important" because he doesn't require an epi injection?? :glare:

 

Quite frankly, your thought process disturbs me...

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In her example.....COOKIES was mentioned.....and I don't know of too many cookies that are sugar free, LOL.

 

And really....there are 26 kids? Are you the only one who doesn't want sugary foods? If so....then I would just tell your kids not to eat it.....or bring something for them you approve of.

 

It seems to me you expect everyone to conform to 'your standards'.....

 

.

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I could have written this post (except the mom part :D).

 

My wife and I deal with this problem constantly, and wonder what the heck is going on? Our son does not tolerate sugar well at all. He has the classic "spinning-out" reaction, to the point where we know if he's been given "treats" by a teacher or neighbor. And it makes me nuts!

 

Schools are the worst these days. A party for this, a party for that. And "party" means sugary junk-food. And you get that "well it's a special occasion it's OK attitude." It isn't OK.

 

Grrrr...

 

Bill

 

Mea Culpa -- rephrase: "Are DH and I the only parents who bristle........"

 

and, yes, DH and I can tell immediately if someone has given a 'treat' to ds or dd (his twin). dd10 tolerates it better than the twins. And, that 'special occasion, its OK attitude,' it's usually laziness on the part of the adults. As someone here mentioned, the stuff loaded with sugar is the easiest stuff to get your hands on and feed to kids. Double-Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

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But if you don't bring sugary sweets, all the kids won't like you the best. ;) And isn't the point of parenting to be the most popular parent? :glare:

 

Snarky social commentary aside...

 

I don't mind if my dc have a treat now and then. We eat a very healthy, balanced diet at home, and they eat treats when given outside the home. I would have been okay with cookies and cupcakes (well, not cupcakes, they should be banned for all time because of crumbs,) as it is a celebration. Since she specifically said what she wanted, though, it should have been respected.

 

Honestly, even cheese and crackers can be a nigthmare for dairy or wheat allergies. Most foods can be a problem for someone in the group. We have taught dc to politely decline what they aren't able to have (fake sugar for all, red food dye for ds.)

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A child may not go into anaphylactic shock from eating a cupcake, so what?

 

The sugar reaction (or dye reaction, or whatever is causing the problem) is a real problem. We contend with this problem. And our efforts to raise a healthy well-adjusted child are undermined by adults serving "treats" at every turn.

 

A "vegan child" won't go into anaphylactic shock is you sneak him or her a hot dog either, but Mom and Dad might not be happy. People may respect your wishes (mostly) if you say your family doesn't eat meat. But try saying you don't want Junior eating "treats."

 

People look at you like you're a joyless buzz-killer. And get mad if you press for a "no treat" policy. It strikes me as weird.

 

Bill

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I think the wording was wrong. "Snack" to me would imply cheese and crackers, veggies, or fruit. "Treat" implies cookies or cupcakes. 6:30 at night implies "after dinner", thus calling for dessert.

 

ANY food can be bad for someone. My sister has recently been diagnosed with a stomach problem and cannot eat anything high fiber, so no fresh fruits or veggies EVER.

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A child may not go into anaphylactic shock from eating a cupcake, so what?

 

The sugar reaction (or dye reaction, or whatever is causing the problem) is a real problem. We contend with this problem. And our efforts to raise a healthy well-adjusted child are undermined by adults serving "treats" at every turn.

 

A "vegan child" won't go into anaphylactic shock is you sneak him or her a hot dog either, but Mom and Dad might not be happy. People may respect your wishes (mostly) if you say your family doesn't eat meat. But try saying you don't want Junior eating "treats."

 

People look at you like you're a joyless buzz-killer. And get mad if you press for a "no treat" policy. It strikes me as weird.

 

Bill

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

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Mea Culpa -- rephrase: "Are DH and I the only parents who bristle........"

 

No. No. We don't have to be so careful. No worries.

 

and, yes, DH and I can tell immediately if someone has given a 'treat' to ds or dd (his twin). dd10 tolerates it better than the twins. And, that 'special occasion, its OK attitude,' it's usually laziness on the part of the adults. As someone here mentioned, the stuff loaded with sugar is the easiest stuff to get your hands on and feed to kids. Double-Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

No question. I'll hear my wife quizzing my son.

 

OK William, what did you have at Aria's? :glare:

 

And he'll fess up. He's learning. And he will decline treats (sometimes) but he's 5. He should have to monitor himself from irresponsible adults? Gimme a break!

 

Bill

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I'm probably going to get flamed here, but I have to say I disagree a little.

 

YES, sugary treats are waaaaaay too prevalent! I get very annoyed by how often they are offered, and how there is seldom a non-sugary alternative.

 

That said, I also feel that the responsibility is on you to help your children avoid these things. My ds had food allergies as an infant/toddler. My dd is lactose intolerant. I did/do not expect the rest of the world to stop and cater to my family's dietary restrictions. I brought our own food, and kept my children from eating the other. Did they like it? NO. The world does not revolve around them however, and they are not entitled to everything they want. I feel it is very important for them to learn that. It is also important for them to learn how to make choices from a selection of food. As they get older, they will be more and more in charge of their diet, and they need to learn while you can help them. It is not easy, it is tiring, and it can get very overwhelming....but it's part of the life of an allergic/sensitive person.

 

I agree that if you have a child with a life threatening reaction then you need to keep the ingredient away in classroom and regularly attended group situations. It is too easy for someone to make a mistake and not difficult to let the 20 to 30 families involved know of the situation.

 

Sorry. I know it gets hard and frustrating. In this case especially since the request for healthier foods by the choir director is being ignored (she really needs to tell them not to bring that stuff and pick an item from the list!). But really, it's your responsibility, not every one elses.

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So, my child's reaction to food dye isn't as "important" because he doesn't require an epi injection?? :glare:

 

Quite frankly, your thought process disturbs me...

No one said it wasn't as important, just that it isn't the same. Comparing something to a peanut allergy brings up images of epipens, ERs, and immediate life-threatening danger. When a sugar-sensitive child then eats a cupcake and doesn't go into immediate anaphylaxis, others will then think "Oh, paranoid parent, no need to listen to the helicopter-woman."

 

A sugar sensitivity as described certainly sounds like a serious problem, and obviously the cupcake parents were not being polite and I totally agree with the OP. But it seems to me that describing it as the same thing as a peanut allergy is counter-productive.

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A child may not go into anaphylactic shock from eating a cupcake, so what?

 

I never said that. I said that unless a child has an anaphylactic reaction to sugar, it's not the same as how a child reacts to nuts. I have a few friends whose kids have anaphylactic shock reactions to certain foods, and it literally is a life or death situation. They are constantly battling the idea that their concerns are overblown, and people often don't take them seriously, and someone comparing a dye or sugar reaction to an anaphylactic reaction is proof that people don't really understand.

 

A "vegan child" won't go into anaphylactic shock is you sneak him or her a hot dog either

 

My point was that if you don't want your children to have a certain food, it's up to you to make that happen. Before we became vegan, dd had to avoid milk anyway because she's allergic to casein. I didn't demand a "no-milk" rule, I just brought something else.

 

Tara

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I'm probably going to get flamed here, but I have to say I disagree a little.

 

YES, sugary treats are waaaaaay too prevalent! I get very annoyed by how often they are offered, and how there is seldom a non-sugary alternative.

 

That said, I also feel that the responsibility is on you to help your children avoid these things.

 

Yes, but. It is not like parents don't know about the increasing obesity epidemic and the prevalence of early onset diabetes in children. This isn't really a "niche" issue. My kids don't have a specific, obvious reaction to sugar, but I'm a scout leader, our meetings are at 5:30 p.m., and I *do* insist on healthy snacks. I think the choir director should have done likewise.

 

I am wondering if these are homemade cupcakes/cookies, or the ones that are quick to grab at the store. If they're store bought, it's not as though folks couldn't grab granola bars (I know, some of those are a sugar issue, too, but at least you're getting some whole grains in there), pre-wrapped string cheese, pre-cut veggies, apples, hummus and crackers, etc.. Of course, those will cost more than the cupcakes/sacks of cookies.

 

OTOH, if they're homemade, why can't folks do some kind of muffin instead? Less sugar, no frosting, fruit, maybe even whole wheat flour, and applesauce instead of oil. Just as quick, and much more reasonable.

 

Meh. I guess I'm having an "It takes a village" moment, but honestly. If we as a society are going to value our own convenience over the health of the kids around us, are we doing our jobs as members of the community? To me, "My kids will whine" is a lousy reason. So is "I wasn't paying attention to what the choir director asked". Likewise with, "It's cheaper/quicker".

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Honestly it has reached a point where we as a society should just accept that every family has different expectations regarding diet and quit doing the whole treat and party thing altogether. It is simply to hard to feed a group of 26 children something that would be acceptable to all involved. I have reached a point where I always bring bottled water or maybe sometimes the low sugar color free Capri-sons. I also try to contribute non edible items - pens, pencils, etc.

 

ETA: I do bristle when other people try to tell me what I should feed my own kids. Also, if you send your kids to my house to play and you have not given specific instruction regarding diet, they are going to get whatever I am feeding my own kids. I suspect that is why some many kids like to hand out at my house. Several kids have mentioned that they have never had homemade cookies?

Edited by KidsHappen
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So, my child's reaction to food dye isn't as "important" because he doesn't require an epi injection?? :glare:

 

Quite frankly, your thought process disturbs me...

 

If you can quote me the section of my post that says these other reactions are "not important," I would appreciate it. I said they were not *the same* as anaphylaxis, so they shouldn't be equated. Falling down the stairs and breaking your leg and getting run over by a semi are both "important" and harmful and serious, but they are not *identical* in process or effect. To say that they are will simply leave people believing that you are over-exaggerating or over-reacting and they will not take you as seriously. That means they won't be likely to actually change their behavior.

 

For the record, I have friends who either have, or have children who have, dietary issues including diabetes, peanut allergy, soy and dairy reactions, corn allergies, dye reactions, vegan, vegetarian, etc and I do my best to accommodate these issues to the extent that I am able (which includes searching out special recipes or altering ones I have, getting specific brand recommendations from the parents for ingredients, reading labels intensively, and, as a last resort, asking the parent to bring their own food for the child). I do it because I care about the individuals, but also because I believe that it falls under my religious obligation of proper hospitality. I am *not* one who lightly dismisses these concerns. For the kids who have peanut allergies, we have playdates at their house and wash our hands when we get there because we do a lot of peanut butter and other nuts at home. For the other kids, if it's at our house I try to accommodate.

Edited by KarenNC
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I completely agree with everything Tara has said but quote only a bit ...

 

I said that unless a child has an anaphylactic reaction to sugar, it's not the same as how a child reacts to nuts. I have a few friends whose kids have anaphylactic shock reactions to certain foods, and it literally is a life or death situation.

 

... life or death within a matter of minutes of eating in most cases! Kid can't breathe = kid dies there. Rescue meds may not be enough, or given fast enough. It is that simple. This is why epinephrine is injected before using the phone to call 911. This is why so many parents of peanut-allergic kids are "uptight" about it. We know someone whose family lost a son because of ana to peanuts.

 

The analogy was inappropriate unless a child has an anaphylactic reaction to sugar.

 

And if a child is ana to sugar, there may be studies to try to build up tolerance to sugar so that it no longer poses such a threat. Check depts of immunology at research hospitals (universities) near you.

Edited by mirth
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People look at you like you're a joyless buzz-killer. And get mad if you press for a "no treat" policy. It strikes me as weird.

 

Bill

 

Yup.

 

For the record, I would expect a family to offer cupcakes and another family to offer cookies. But the families who followed suit? Yeah, I judge them! :tongue_smilie:

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No one said it wasn't as important, just that it isn't the same. Comparing something to a peanut allergy brings up images of epipens, ERs, and immediate life-threatening danger. When a sugar-sensitive child then eats a cupcake and doesn't go into immediate anaphylaxis, others will then think "Oh, paranoid parent, no need to listen to the helicopter-woman."

 

A sugar sensitivity as described certainly sounds like a serious problem, and obviously the cupcake parents were not being polite and I totally agree with the OP. But it seems to me that describing it as the same thing as a peanut allergy is counter-productive.

 

:iagree:

 

My son is dairy and nut allergic. I hate that at soccer they have people bring a snack which they hand out after the game and then everyone immediately scatters. If that's the case, why have a snack at all? We've said we won't participate due to the allergy and have asked people not to bring anything with nuts (anaphylactic reaction to nuts where we were told don't drive - get an ambulance) and they've still been there.

 

His dairy allergy is a problem, but it's probably more in the sensitivity range now. If he eats something with cheese he'll probably have hives all over his body but he's unlikely to die.

 

If he has anything with nuts (we know cashews do this), his throat closes up. Within 20 min of ingestion we were injecting the Epi and halfway to the ER. Hives only subsided three days later.

 

The sugar sensitivity needs to be taken seriously, but it just isn't the same.

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I have only skimmed through the replies, but I just want to say thank you to the posters who take nut allergies (and other food allergies) so seriously. As a mom of a tree nut allergic child, this is something I deal with daily. I truly appreciate it when my friends go out of their way to make sure my children can be included.

 

Like a pp said, I don't expect others to conform to our diets and my children have grown up knowing they may not partake in many treats. I also bring our own sweets in almost all cases to birthday parties, etc.

 

That said, in regards to the OP about sugar, my kids really don't react much to sugar, so I've never had much of a problem. Again, we usually bring our own. Perhaps it's not a big deal to me as well because I am just glad my child is able to participate because I brought my own cupcake, rather than being left out.

 

What does get to me though is the fact that food (of any kind) has to be served almost any time there is a gathering. I mean, you can't attend Sunday school, children's church, choir practice, sports practice, etc. without dealing with food issues....every single time....even when they are there for 30 minutes! As a mom with the allergy issue, it's not that I mind dealing with it and providing something else. It's the fact that I can never let my guard down and just let the kids go somewhere or attend something. I just truly don't remember as a kid EATING this much when we had functions and parties....

 

Shanna

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Yes, but. It is not like parents don't know about the increasing obesity epidemic and the prevalence of early onset diabetes in children. This isn't really a "niche" issue. My kids don't have a specific, obvious reaction to sugar, but I'm a scout leader, our meetings are at 5:30 p.m., and I *do* insist on healthy snacks. I think the choir director should have done likewise.

 

I am wondering if these are homemade cupcakes/cookies, or the ones that are quick to grab at the store. If they're store bought, it's not as though folks couldn't grab granola bars (I know, some of those are a sugar issue, too, but at least you're getting some whole grains in there), pre-wrapped string cheese, pre-cut veggies, apples, hummus and crackers, etc.. Of course, those will cost more than the cupcakes/sacks of cookies.

 

OTOH, if they're homemade, why can't folks do some kind of muffin instead? Less sugar, no frosting, fruit, maybe even whole wheat flour, and applesauce instead of oil. Just as quick, and much more reasonable.

 

Meh. I guess I'm having an "It takes a village" moment, but honestly. If we as a society are going to value our own convenience over the health of the kids around us, are we doing our jobs as members of the community? To me, "My kids will whine" is a lousy reason. So is "I wasn't paying attention to what the choir director asked". Likewise with, "It's cheaper/quicker".

 

I absolutely agree. I've just gotten to the point that I have no expectations of anyone anymore. People just.don't.care. Or they are clueless. A lot of people feel that if you can buy it in the grocery, then it's got to be ok.

 

And a lot of people are either overwhelmed to the point that they can't put any mental energy into another thing, or so self centered that they expect everyone else to do the things that will make it nice for them.

 

For example....my kids are in rec soccer. Parents are asked to sign up for a date to bring a snack. Halftime snack is fruit, after is something else. (don't get me started on having snack at every activity) My dd's team has no subs. The whole team plays the whole game, no rest. At halftime, they really need the quick boost that some oranges/apples/grapes will give them to get through the rest of the game. (they don't really need the after snack, since usually it's lunchtime anyway when they end) Every parent on the team knows this. They've had snack once - the day it was my turn. The other parents just don't care, and in some cases are too apathetic to bother. We are starting to see the penalty for raising our kids in a "validation" culture. If they are raised getting praise, trophies, and prizes for every time they so much as blink, then they grow up believing that everyone owes them....and that they have no responsibility to anyone else.

 

Sorry - I guess this turned into a slight hijack. Just wanted to say that I hear you that it takes no more effort to provide healthy snacks instead of junk.

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I have only skimmed through the replies, but I just want to say thank you to the posters who take nut allergies (and other food allergies) so seriously. As a mom of a tree nut allergic child, this is something I deal with daily. I truly appreciate it when my friends go out of their way to make sure my children can be included.

 

Like a pp said, I don't expect others to conform to our diets and my children have grown up knowing they may not partake in many treats. I also bring our own sweets in almost all cases to birthday parties, etc.

 

That said, in regards to the OP about sugar, my kids really don't react much to sugar, so I've never had much of a problem. Again, we usually bring our own. Perhaps it's not a big deal to me as well because I am just glad my child is able to participate because I brought my own cupcake, rather than being left out.

 

What does get to me though is the fact that food (of any kind) has to be served almost any time there is a gathering. I mean, you can't attend Sunday school, children's church, choir practice, sports practice, etc. without dealing with food issues....every single time....even when they are there for 30 minutes! As a mom with the allergy issue, it's not that I mind dealing with it and providing something else. It's the fact that I can never let my guard down and just let the kids go somewhere or attend something. I just truly don't remember as a kid EATING this much when we had functions and parties....

 

Shanna

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

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I'm in a time cruch this morning, so, I'm replying without reading the previous replies, sorry!

 

When I was an American Heritage Girls leader, we had a snack each week and the parents rotated. I always brought baby carrots, peanut butter crackers, cheese, something like that. Most parents brought a sugary snack. Too much sugar makes my middle daughter a little crazy but it isn't going to kill her like peanuts would kill an allergic child. I recently suggested we skip the snack at our robotics team practice, it's only 2 hours and is at 9 am. I think the kids can live without a snack for that long and it was a huge distraction (the other parents seemed relieved).

 

In short, I appreciate it when people provide a non-sugary snack. However, my kids have them infrequently enough that it isn't going to do long-term damage. Therefore, it's not a hill I'm willing to die on. It's not even a hill I'm willing to cause animosity about.

 

eta: My youngest child is allergic to apples and pears. *Many* snacks-fruit leather, those sugary "fruit snacks," juices, etc contain apple or pear juice. I know this, he knows this. He checks the label if I'm not there and he's 8. It isn't the type of allergy that is going to kill him, it's a skin allergy. Therefore, we don't make a big deal of it. If he can't have the snack, he'll live. I just can't get myself worked up over something like this and you all know I can get worked up when I think it's necessary.

 

Again, I sympathize with the sugar issue. Last Saturday my eldest had to be at soccer at 8:30 am, she had two games. Once she was finished we headed to my middle dd's soccer game. I took one look at her on the soccer field and said to my husband-"you gave her cereal for breakfast, didn't you?" It was obvious. She doesn't focus, she's running around, etc. So, I *totally* get the reaction some kids have to sugar, I *know*. But parents who don't have a kid like that are NOT going to get it. Just bring a small, healthy snack for your own kid and move on.

Edited by Mrs Mungo
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Sorry - I guess this turned into a slight hijack. Just wanted to say that I hear you that it takes no more effort to provide healthy snacks instead of junk.

 

That's ok - :001_huh:I needed to be reminded of why I was originally annoyed :001_huh:-- that was it: it takes no more effort to provide healthy snacks instead of junk. And someone else here pointed out that one can just as easily pick up a cheese or veggie tray at the store as they can pick up cupcakes or cookies. THAT was my point.

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Can a rant be polite? I tried to make it that way. Yesterday evening, my children's lovely, patient, wonderful Choir Director (the woman has the patience of a saint!) sent out an email with instructions for this Sunday (kids are singing), and a request for two families to provide a 'TREAT' (she specifically stated cheese, crackers, veggies, cookies, drinks) for Sunday evening's rehearsal for a little celebration for singing at two services Sunday morning. There are 26 children in junior choir.

 

This morning, SIX families had responded -- (everyone had hit reply all so we were all on the same page)...four families said they would bring cupcakes, the other two families said they would bring cookies.

:rant:

I realize that the 'no sugar' thing is my own personal little soapbox in most circles, but I am SO tired of the sugar issue being ignored -- I respect and understand kids and peanut and nut allergies....to the point that when we have birthday parties, I make certain the pizza is ordered from the ONLY pizza place that the other mom trusts...and I accomodate her child in other ways as well. I think it is considerate, responsible, and the right thing to do. Sugar is to my kids what nuts are to kids who have nut allergies.

 

A cupcake eaten at 6:30pm on a Sunday will continue to affect my children (the twins especially) until midnight.

 

So, today (sorry -- I aLWAYS ramble) when the sixth offer for cupcakes and or cookies was made, I sent the following email to the group:

 

I am most appreciative of the kind offers that have been made to provide

cupcakes and cookies for Sunday's little celebration. I will bring something to add to the celebration that is not quite as 'sugar-intensive.' My children

react to sugar the way 'peanut-allergic' children react to nuts -- their

reaction is quite strong and the negative effects of the sugar will remain with

them for hours. One cupcake eaten at that hour of the day will create havoc till amost midnight.

I will provide small bottles of water for Sunday and perhaps cheese and crackers or veggies.

Thank you again for your kind contributions -- Mariann A*****

 

The choir director immediately responded with a thank you for all the offers, and a very specifically worded thank you for the water/veggie/cheese/crackers.

 

Am I the ONLY mom who bristles at the indifference that some others have to the junk they give their kids to eat? I am not being snarky........I've been doing this 'mom-thing' for 30 years now. When DD30 was 5 or 6, if a mom provided a sugar-y snack, she was treated like a pariah -- no kidding! Has the pendulum swung the other way? Am I seeing those kids who were given raisins and apples as 'treats' now pushing cupcakes and cookies b/c they were not given those things?

 

 

 

Well, you aren't alone in not stuffing your kids with sugar, but if it were me, I would have simply offered the healthy food and left it at that. I wouldn't have make very pointed remarks about the sugar that would leave the other parents feeling like crap for having offered the sugary things. They probably were, in their thoughts at least, being nice by making the offer. So, they may have skimmed too quickly over the initial request's suggestions, but it was still nice to offer. Even if you didn't intend it that way, your email reply reads "snarky" to me. Reaming them over this just seems to be inappropriate to me. YMMV.

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Well, you aren't alone in not stuffing your kids with sugar, but if it were me, I would have simply offered the healthy food and left it at that. I wouldn't have make very pointed remarks about the sugar that would leave the other parents feeling like crap for having offered the sugary things. They probably were, in their thoughts at least, being nice by making the offer. So, they may have skimmed too quickly over the initial request's suggestions, but it was still nice to offer. Even if you didn't intend it that way, your email reply reads "snarky" to me. Reaming them over this just seems to be inappropriate to me. YMMV.

 

I appreciate your pointing that out (really) -- it was not my intention at all to sound snarky to them (and you have mentioned that) -- and I was heartfelt in writing that I appreciated their offers of participation. You've responded in a way that gives me food for thought. Thank you! :)

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To the op, I see your point but a couple of things struck me about this:

The director did not make it very clear about her expectations for the treats. And while our family works to limit the sugar, I think that it is important to remember that the only people you can control would be yourself and your own children. I stress to mine that they need to have restraint when it comes to sugary treats and they are very good about minding our rules. It really isn't the responsibility of the other parents to supervise your child's sugar consumption and unfortunately your email may be received as critical and judgmental. If it was me in your position, I would work with my children to establish rules that they will follow when they are presented with choices. Just my observations. :)

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I would probably think you sounded a bit irrational. Sugar isn't going to *kill* your child like peanuts can do to children who are allergic.

 

Just point out, gently that all this sugar isn't going to result in a great Sunday for *anyone* point out that six cupcakes at 6:30 pm on a Sunday = FAIL.

 

And again gently suggest cheese, crackers, veggies, fruit.

Edited by Sis
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And he'll fess up. He's learning. And he will decline treats (sometimes) but he's 5. He should have to monitor himself from irresponsible adults? Gimme a break!

 

Irresponsible? Because they offer children a treat with sugar? I would call someone irresponsible if they offered the sugar after being told not to.

 

Well, you aren't alone in not stuffing your kids with sugar, but if it were me, I would have simply offered the healthy food and left it at that. I wouldn't have make very pointed remarks about the sugar that would leave the other parents feeling like crap for having offered the sugary things.

 

:iagree: I think just bringing the non sugary treat would lead others to do the same next time without the guilt. I personally am the type who would have brought more sugar after reading your reply and I do often try to bring healthy or homemade treats but your comments would have rubbed me the wrong way. I would have also made sure if had red dye in it and blue number whatever.

 

I've just gotten to the point that I have no expectations of anyone anymore. People just.don't.care.

 

I don't think it is because people don't care. I think it seems like we can't win. Kids have allergies to everything these days. People on here have mentioned dairy, nuts, apples, and pears. I've seen allergy boards where people say their kids are allergic to beef, chicken, eggs, peas, corn, carrots, wheat, rice, etc... When people begin to feel overwhelmed I think they fight back against it and just go with whatever they want.

 

Kelly (who has children eating suckers right now while watching tv as I sit at the computer drinking hot choclate with french vanilla creamer)

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To the op, I see your point but a couple of things struck me about this:

The director did not make it very clear about her expectations for the treats. And while our family works to limit the sugar, I think that it is important to remember that the only people you can control would be yourself and your own children. I stress to mine that they need to have restraint when it comes to sugary treats and they are very good about minding our rules. It really isn't the responsibility of the other parents to supervise your child's sugar consumption and unfortunately your email may be received as critical and judgmental. If it was me in your position, I would work with my children to establish rules that they will follow when they are presented with choices. Just my observations. :)

 

thank you for responding, and I think you bring up very good points - I cannot imagine that I am not emphasizing enough to my children that sugary treats are not for them, but perhaps, I need to get the message to them differently and in a more effective way.

 

And, I did say that the director DID very specifically ask for:

 

two families to provide a 'TREAT' (she specifically stated cheese, crackers, veggies, cookies, drinks)

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thank you for responding, and I think you bring up very good points - I cannot imagine that I am not emphasizing enough to my children that sugary treats are not for them, but perhaps, I need to get the message to them differently and in a more effective way.

 

And, I did say that the director DID very specifically ask for:

 

two families to provide a 'TREAT' (she specifically stated cheese, crackers, veggies, cookies, drinks)

 

Right. So, people said they would bring cookies and cupcakes are pretty much right up there with cookies. If it were me in this position (caring so much about the snack), I would offer to be the snack coordinator for future events. I would send out snack assignments to parents. Parent A: cheese and crackers, parent B: veggie tray, parent C: drink (although it is IMPOSSIBLE to win on the drink issue, too many allergies and/or too much sugar).

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