Polite Rant about SUGAR and Treats.....

[Slartibartfast]

We do bring our own food. But if a child is at a group activity, or a neighbors, or (in our case) at school, and we've packed a healthful lunch, and an adult breaks out sweets and feeds them to our child (knowing our concerns) then what do you do?

 

This is when "cultural norms" need to be re-evaluated.

 

Bill

 

Give them a boot to the head?

 

People don't really do that to me anymore, I will say "don't give that to my kid." and they will try to anyways! Then I will say, "I SAID DON'T GIVE THAT TO MY KID!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?"

 

They learn.

[chaik76]

Am I the ONLY mom who bristles at the indifference that some others have to the junk they give their kids to eat? I am not being snarky........I've been doing this 'mom-thing' for 30 years now. When DD30 was 5 or 6, if a mom provided a sugar-y snack, she was treated like a pariah -- no kidding! Has the pendulum swung the other way? Am I seeing those kids who were given raisins and apples as 'treats' now pushing cupcakes and cookies b/c they were not given those things?

 

Sugary treats were always provided to us as snacks at events as children...never saw a mom treated as a pariah for that.

 

Peanut allergy can cause death, that is different than behavior caused by a sugar allergy.

 

I have no problem with providing cheese, crackers, fruit, or veggies...but to me those are not a "treat". Perhaps a snack, but not a treat.

 

Just like I must bring all soy and dairy free products for my son because of his allergies, it is up to you to bring non-sugar snacks for your children, not the other way around.

 

Peanuts are different because they cause anyphalactic (I spelled that wrong) shock; and at the same time, the moms I know with nut allergies or other death-causing allergies, bring their own kids food and do not prescribe those conditions on the other parents or children.

 

Just as I do the same for my allergic child, I would expect you too. (And yes, I'd be a mom bring cupcakes and cookies...the choir director asked for "treats", not for healthy snacks).

Edited October 22, 2009 by chaik76

[Mrs Mungo]

We do bring our own food. But if a child is at a group activity, or a neighbors, or (in our case) at school, and we've packed a healthful lunch, and an adult breaks out sweets and feeds them to our child (knowing our concerns) then what do you do?

 

If I catch them in the act I have been known to snatch it out of my child's hand, say "you may not have that, regardless of what Mrs. So-and-so thinks" (yes, right in front of Mrs. So-and-so) and throw it in the garbage. My friends find this hilarious. I'm sure Mrs. So-and-so thinks I'm crazy but oh well. I'm not going to get up in arms over what you bring for snack but directly offer to my child, after I've said no, at your peril.

[Slartibartfast]

Sugary treats were always provided to us as snacks at events as children...never saw a mom treated as a pariah for that.

 

Peanut allergy can cause death, that is different than behavior caused by a sugar allergy.

 

I have no problem with providing cheese, crackers, fruit, or veggies...but to me those are not a "treat". Perhaps a snack, but not a treat.

 

Just like I must bring all soy and dairy free products for my son because of his allergies, it is up to you to bring non-sugar snacks for your children, not the other way around.

 

Peanuts are different because they cause anyphalactic (I spelled that wrong) shock; and at the same time, the moms I know with nut allergies or other death-causing allergies, bring their own kids food and do not prescribe those conditions on the other paretns or children.

 

Just as I do the same for my allergic child, I would expect you too. (And yes, I'd be a mom bring cupcakes and cookies...the choir director asked for "treats", not for healthy snacks).

 

Well I would put you in the "clearly did not read the note" category.

 

(she specifically stated cheese, crackers, veggies, cookies, drinks)

 

Cupcakes at 6:30 Sunday Night??

 

[Haiku]

But if a child is at a group activity, or a neighbors, or (in our case) at school, and we've packed a healthful lunch, and an adult breaks out sweets and feeds them to our child (knowing our concerns) then what do you do?

 

Honestly? What you do is accept the fact that sometimes things won't go your way and move on. My kids are vegan. They are vegan because they chose to be vegan. It's not just me who would be upset if we found out my kids ate something non-vegan. I wouldn't freak out about it. Things happen. We do our best and move on. My dd has a problem with casein, and it does cause physical issues for her. People who didn't understand gave her things she wasn't supposed to have. She (and we) suffered the consequences of that. Life's rough sometimes, right? Man-up, and run laps. ;) Were it a persistent problem that people were unwilling to accommodate, I would limit my kid's contact with that environment. Were I you with the school situation, I would meet with the teacher and inform her that, as the adult in charge, you are holding HER responsible for making sure your child isn't given sugary treats at school. Let her know that you will be back if you find out that your wishes haven't been upheld. That's what I did with the principal of my kid's school last year after the slavery incident. And then, let it go. You can't control everything in life.

 

Tara

[mirth]

We do bring our own food. But if a child is at a group activity, or a neighbors, or (in our case) at school, and we've packed a healthful lunch, and an adult breaks out sweets and feeds them to our child (knowing our concerns) then what do you do?

 

What would you do if your child's life in the next minute depended on what they ate the minute before?

 

Really. (This is the way most parents of ana food rxn kids approach eating.) Again, I agree with Tara. You either get over it, or act like your kid's life depended on the choices other people may make for your kids food. Investigate the written allergen policy at the school. Is anything being violated? If not, try to change it. Threaten negligence or gross negligence if that's what's going on. Make sure every adult who may be in charge of your kid for even a moment gets it. If you actually see it going on, slap the food out of their hand.

Edited October 22, 2009 by mirth

[Spy Car]

However, we are saying, "Don't say that sugar sensitivity is the same as a food allergy."

 

I never said it was. Do you even read my posts. Do I need to quote myself. I've said NUMEROUS times they are not the same and that I fully understand the grave seriousness of anaphylactic shock. So I'm not sure how many times I need to repeat myself.

 

Yes, the sugar sensitivity is serious.

Yes, you shouldn't be undermined.

But my son can die from a snack that's brought.

It isn't the same.

That's why you're getting the debate about allergic reactions.

 

Why a debate? The fact that your child could die from an allergic reaction, means people (myself included) need to be vigilant in honoring that grave risk. We were in that situation in a coop my son attended, and were extremely diligent in not putting that child at risk.

 

I just don't see how that makes giving sugar to kids with sugar-hyperactivity acceptable.

 

It's the comment saying that the hyperactivity/sugar reaction (not denying there's a reaction) is equivalent to a true allergy that's causing the problems for us who are terrified that if our child gets their allergen, they die.

 

Well that's not a statement I ever made. I understand the difference.

 

But I wish people who don't have children who react badly to sugar would raise their consciousness a little. Because it's not fun to deal with a child who's whacked out on sugar. It's hard on these children. I know first-hand.

 

Bill

[chaik76]

That's ok - :001_huh:I needed to be reminded of why I was originally annoyed :001_huh:-- that was it: it takes no more effort to provide healthy snacks instead of junk. And someone else here pointed out that one can just as easily pick up a cheese or veggie tray at the store as they can pick up cupcakes or cookies. THAT was my point.

So? If you want your children to have veggies, feel free to pick them up. I'll get my kids cupcakes and we can all have fun together.

 

I'm still baffled that parents with children to are sensitive to sugary-treats should have to feel on the defensive because the harm done to their child isn't immediately "life-treating."

 

 

No "normal" person would intentionally give a vegan child meat, and if they accidently gave a child a dish with meat I'm sure "most people" would feel terrible. And "guilty." And say, "I'm so sorry."

 

But ordinary, sane, other-wise rational people who've been told a child doesn't react well to sugar seem to have no problem going ahead and handing out treats on the "down-low."

 

Don't tell your folks. Wink Wink.

 

And it's rather galling to have a child who's one who really does badly on sugar, and to be intentionally undermined in ways no person of good-will would dream of doing with a vegan child or one with an allergy. I simply don't understand the mentality.

 

 

 

Bill

Just wanted to let you know, that despite the fact that I do fee my kids sugar (often), I would never give a child a snack on the sly. If you told me your child was vegan, allergic, not allowed to have sugar or what have you I would respect that. If you brought your family to my house I would do my darndest to have foods that you could enjoy and were acceptable.

 

26 cupcakes cost about $17 if they are buying them.

 

I think a few heads of broccoli would be less than that. Maybe everyone could take a "stone soup" approach and bring one item? I am sure if someone took the lead on something like that the other parents would breath a sigh of relief.

26 cupcakes around here costs $5.

Well I would put you in the "clearly did not read the note" category.

 

 

Cupcakes at 6:30 Sunday Night??

 

I did. Cookies were mentioned. To me 6:30 on Sunday night is dessert time...our kids get their dessert around 8pm, so obviously, this wouldn't bother me.

 

And cookies were mentioned..the other things are healthy snacks to me (which my kids get, also) but sugary treats are more fun to make and bring, so that's what I'd do. I also consider evenings to be "treat" or "dessert" time as that is when we give our children sugary treats. If I knew your child was attending and was sugar-free, and no one else had offered to bring a sugar-free snack, I would bring something along for just that child.

 

However, as I said, it is your responsibility to provide your children with snacks you feel are appropriate. If you don't like sugar-laden treats, that's fine. Don't let your kids eat them. I wouldn't feed them to your kids on the sly, and as I said to Bill, if you visited I would make sure we had snacks and meals that were acceptable to your family. But in a group situation, where multiple suggestions were made, I would feel free to bring what I would like most.

 

Your email was quite rude, and as someone else said...it probably would have made me want to bring a sugar-laden treat even more (I still wouldn't have fed it to your kids though if I knew how you felt about sugar).

 

Each family is different. I really don't care what you feed your kids, I don't see why you should care what I feed mine. And when group snacks are offered, why would you get mad at what snacks are brought? If you don't like them, bring a different one (obviously, you are). I've been known to bring other snacks just when I know my kids won't eat the regular snacks provided (for instance, if I know the snack will be only fruit I usually bring something else for my oldest. If it's veggies, I bring something else for my youngest). I end up having to bring all our own snacks anyway, because of my youngest son's allergies...so I really don't see the big deal at you bringing something acceptable for your own kids without getting into a snit about what other parents bring. To me, the choir director's note sounded like suggestions. If she wanted those specific things, and certain quantities of each she should have specified a sign-up list, where each family signs up for a certain snack...thereby alleviating too many junk foods.

Edited October 22, 2009 by chaik76

[Spy Car]

What would you do if your child's life in the next minute depended on what they ate the minute before?

 

Really. (This is the way most parents of ana food rxn kids approach eating.) Again, I agree with Tara. You either get over it, or act like your kid's life depended on the choices other people may make for your kids food.

 

It's getting to be "straw-man" argument time so I'm about to check-out.

 

I suppose this is a (mean-spirited) rhetorical question, but I'll take a stab.

 

I'd live in fear. Beyond that I'd take ever measure I could to inform anyone with access to my child how dire their situation is. I'd look into whether having epi-pens on hand in situations were they were out of my care was advisable. And I'd work with the child to have them not eat foods that didn't come from us.

 

And, as I stated earlier, when we've been parents in a coop where a child was at risk we were scrupulous in screening food items for nut products. That was our duty to that child, and we took it quite seriously.

 

Bill

[mirth]

Regarding: What would you do if your child's life in the next minute depended on what they ate the minute before?

 

 

I suppose this is a (mean-spirited) rhetorical question, but I'll take a stab.

 

 

No, it is not mean-spirited from the one asking. I am sorry if you feel that it is or if it sounds that way to you or to anybody. It is a very serious, authentic and unfortunately, not too uncommon question anymore.

Edited October 22, 2009 by mirth

[Slartibartfast]

I think I do get annoyed when so many people bring cupcakes, sugar bomb cookies and such. Parents in my dd's class would always bring those huge cookies with an inch of frosting on them. Yeah those are delicious but when someone brings those and someone else brings cupcakes and someone else beings some other cookie and people send candy...it's too much. I might get those crazy sugar cookies now and then as a treat for my kid but not eight different sugar things.

 

I think I just get mad when people are disorganized about it and it results in sugar anarchy. I don't mind a cupcake. I do mind a cupcake, two cookies, brownies...

[Mrs Mungo]

Each family is different. I really don't care what you feed your kids, I don't see why you should care what I feed mine. And when group snacks are offered, why would you get mad at what snacks are brought? If you don't like them, bring a different one (obviously, you are). I've been known to bring other snacks just when I know my kids won't eat the regular snacks provided (for instance, if I know the snack will be only fruit I usually bring something else for my oldest. If it's veggies, I bring something else for my youngest). I end up having to bring all our own snacks anyway, because of my youngest son's allergies...so I really don't see the big deal at you bringing something acceptable for your own kids without getting into a snit about what other parents bring. To me, the choir director's note sounded like suggestions. If she wanted those specific things, and certain quantities of each she should have specified a sign-up list, where each family signs up for a certain snack...thereby alleviating too many junk foods.

 

Even though I'm coming from the opposite place (I tend to bring healthy snacks), I basically agree with this. It's no skin off my back if other people bring cupcakes. It's up to me to police what my kids eat. I would say "you may only have one sugary dessert, choose wisely" or "you can't have a dessert now but you may take one home and have it tomorrow" or whatever. I absolutely agree with the idea of a sign-up list in order to avoid too many sugary snacks.

[Haiku]

I'd take ever measure I could to inform anyone with access to my child how dire their situation is. I'd look into whether having epi-pens on hand in situations were they were out of my care was advisable. And I'd work with the child to have them not eat foods that didn't come from us.

 

 

Of course you would. But my friends who have kids with anaphylactic reactions tell me that you have to eventually accept that you're not Andy Richter controlling the universe, and you can't live in fear forever.

 

Btw, I see no straw man. You asked what people would do, people answered.

 

Tara

[inactive]

I'm still baffled that parents with children to are sensitive to sugary-treats should have to feel on the defensive because the harm done to their child isn't immediately "life-treating."

 

People respect "tree-nut" allergies, as well they should. We had a child in our coop last year with nut allergies, so even though "sharing" of food wasn't allowed in any case, there was a zero-tolerance policy on bringing nuts/or nut containing products to school. A policy we fully understood and supported.

 

No "normal" person would intentionally give a vegan child meat, and if they accidently gave a child a dish with meat I'm sure "most people" would feel terrible. And "guilty." And say, "I'm so sorry."

 

But ordinary, sane, other-wise rational people who've been told a child doesn't react well to sugar seem to have no problem going ahead and handing out treats on the "down-low."

 

Don't tell your folks. Wink Wink.

 

And it's rather galling to have a child who's one who really does badly on sugar, and to be intentionally undermined in ways no person of good-will would dream of doing with a vegan child or one with an allergy. I simply don't understand the mentality.

 

To say, well it's not as serious as anaphylactic shock, is simply a dismissive and not particularly respectful position to take. Anaphylactic shock, obviously, puts a child in peril in a way that sugar sensitivity does not. But both fall into a category of "harm."

 

Bill

 

:iagree: I agree -- THANK YOU BILL!! :)

[8circles]

It's getting to be "straw-man" argument time so I'm about to check-out.

 

I suppose this is a (mean-spirited) rhetorical question, but I'll take a stab.

 

I'd live in fear. Beyond that I'd take ever measure I could to inform anyone with access to my child how dire their situation is. I'd look into whether having epi-pens on hand in situations were they were out of my care was advisable. And I'd work with the child to have them not eat foods that didn't come from us.

 

And, as I stated earlier, when we've been parents in a coop where a child was at risk we were scrupulous in screening food items for nut products. That was our duty to that child, and we took it quite seriously.

 

Bill

 

I would guess that you'd also have a negative reaction to other people comparing your child's life-threatening situation to a non-life-threatening one. That's what you're seeing in this thread.

[Spy Car]

I would guess that you'd also have a negative reaction to other people comparing your child's life-threatening situation to a non-life-threatening one. That's what you're seeing in this thread.

 

I don't believe anyone (including the OP) suggested the repercussions of eating sugar for a sugar sensitive child are life-threatening in the way eating nut are to the allergic.

 

The point is that while society (rightly) takes food allergies very seriously, many people (including those who would not dream of feeding meat to a vegetarian child) will ignore parents stated wishes and feed kids sugar-snacks.

 

Because why? They figure the parents are "weird" and they are depriving their kids enjoyment? I'm not sure. I just can't figure it out.

 

Bill

[Mrs Mungo]

Because why? They figure the parents are "weird" and they are depriving their kids enjoyment? I'm not sure. I just can't figure it out.

 

 

It's for the same reason people without teenagers insist on posting about how to deal with teens even though they never have. It's the same reason some people who don't have a child with ADD insist on posting in threads about ADD children and say crap like "well, I would NEVER allow such behavior," even when the OP in the thread specifically asked that only people with ADD children answer.

 

It's because so many people only understand what goes on in their microcosm and refuse to believe there are other, equally valid points of view. They think "pshaw, my child doesn't act crazy because of sugar, that parent is just silly," and behave accordingly.

[Haiku]

Because why? They figure the parents are "weird" and they are depriving their kids enjoyment? I'm not sure. I just can't figure it out.

 

 

It's because people don't take you seriously. They don't have experience with a child freaking out on sugar. They figure, "Kids eat sugar every day. This parent is just uptight."

 

Don't think too deeply on this one, Bill. :D

 

Tara

[MariannNOVA]

I am walking away from this thread after this post but first I would like to clarify some points:

 

I respect a child's allergy to ANYTHING -- to the poster who insinuated that I did not, you are absolutely wrong. And, I am admitting here that my analogy to 'sugar-sensitivity' and a 'nut-allergy' was and is wrong. AND, I USED QUOTATION MARKS TO CLEARLY DELINEATE A 'PEANUT-ALLERGY' as that is the one with which I am most familiar as my son's best friend has a serious one. If you are offended by the quotes, I can assure you, they were not meant to insult.

 

I will re-phrase: when a parent tells me that their child has an allergy, I respect that piece of information, typically ask what I must or must not do if that child is in my care or visiting at out house, and I follow the parents instructions. I ask when I am planning a playdate, a birthday party, and when I was a classroom teacher, I checked time and time again prior to any planning for any event. To extrapolate from a 'poor choice of words' and a 'poor analogy' (and I admit to both) is extreme and self-serving.

 

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID in my original post was that perhaps a similar level of respect to my wishes regarding sugar sensitivity would be nice. That's it. If one does not wish to respect my desire to have a little awareness about sugar sensitivity, then, apparently, so be it. And if anyone had taken a moment (and you know who you are) you would have seen that as this progressed, I responded to a few posters that their point was well made and did see a different point of view that I could take. So before you hacked away at the OP and 'her post,' you might have taken a moment to scan just a little and see that others who had made their points appropriately and reasonably had given me reason to re-consider....and I commented to them and thanked them regarding same.

 

I have asked for this thread to be closed and/or deleted. I did not begin it with the spirit of meanness that I have read here by so many.

Edited October 22, 2009 by MariannNOVA

[inactive]

Do any of you that don't believe the sugar and/or dye reactions are serious, realize that at ANY time these reactions could become an

anaphylactic reaction?? (this comes from our allergist -- it's NOT just something I dreamed up...and NO, I'm NOT a drama queen)

 

Further more, my son is highly allergic to bee stings and some antibiotics...I've done the Epi-Pen, trip to the ER, etc. and it's not something I want to do just because someone didn't listen to me and fed my child something that could kill him.

[Jen500]

Yikes. This is why I hate to bring food to share to homeschool events.

[Saille]

And a lot of people are either overwhelmed to the point that they can't put any mental energy into another thing, or so self centered that they expect everyone else to do the things that will make it nice for them.

 

Thanks for your post...I get what you're saying too. The overwhelmed excuse is holding a lot less water than it used to for me, though. You know the old saw, "If you want something done, ask the busiest person in the room"? That's about where I'm at. And while I'm pleased that I can get stuff done, and see it as a community service to do it, it bothers the heck out of me when others who are no more busy than I am "just can't" function even as support. Bring snack. Organize (or participate in) a fundraiser. Whatever.

 

O/T: Someone recently said to me, wrt a group that I help to run, that if I would just move it from the nearest small city (central for everyone, we all do our errands there) up nearer the people who aren't participating, and maybe make it less structured...like not part of a national group, but just a thing, and not do it 2x a month, but just once, then they'd probably come. Um, yeah, maybe. Unless they didn't feel like it. Or decided it was too much. :glare:

[Spy Car]

It's because people don't take you seriously. They don't have experience with a child freaking out on sugar. They figure, "Kids eat sugar every day. This parent is just uptight."

 

Don't think too deeply on this one, Bill. :D

 

Tara

 

It's easy to say, until you are in the position where the indifferent attitude does your child harm. You're right, people do think parents facing this problem are "just uptight." I get it.

 

It doesn't make the situation easier knowing people don't take this even slightly seriously, and think the parents are nuts and their concerns can be dismissed as irrational. But that, sadly, seems to be the way it is.

 

Bill

[Saille]

When I was an American Heritage Girls leader, we had a snack each week and the parents rotated.

 

:001_huh::001_huh::001_huh:

 

Why didn't I think of that? I am so doing it. What a relief.

[Slartibartfast]

Do any of you that don't believe the sugar and/or dye reactions are serious, realize that at ANY time these reactions could become an

anaphylactic reaction?? (this comes from our allergist -- it's NOT just something I dreamed up...and NO, I'm NOT a drama queen)

 

 

 

Sugar is not something a child could be anaphylactic to.

 

There are many different kinds of sugar and I can see someone being allergic to a specific type but just "sugar" doesn't mean anything...your blood has sugar in it. What kind of sugar is your child allergic to?

 

I wouldn't accuse someone of being a drama queen, but I did have a crazy allergist who killed my grandmother so I don't necessarily freak out when one tells me something.

 

If your child has that serious of an allergy then that is a serious discussion that needs to happen with the other people at church. Not in an email where people can't really get what you mean.

Edited October 22, 2009 by Sis

[Mrs Mungo]

:001_huh::001_huh::001_huh:

 

Why didn't I think of that? I am so doing it. What a relief.

 

You are only meeting twice a month? How do you get anything done? And the other people want to only do it once a month? What would even be the point of that? We had an extra activity-like a service project almost once a month, in addition to our once a week meetings! Definitely send out a snack assignment sheet. We met from 6-8, there is no way the girls would have made it without a snack at that hour, give an approved snack list-string cheese and grapes, peanut better (assuming no allergies) and apples, tangerines and cheese slices, etc. You don't have to do it all, yourself! :grouphug:

[happyWImom]

:confused:My kids are allowed treats (with sugar), but I try to limit it. Also, my peave is that it seems as if any type of activity always includes "snack time". Why??? I'm probably alone in this, but I don't think they need all of these snack times. I know, they say many small meals a day are better, but my kids don't eat their meals if they get snacks. And I am talking healthy snacks.

 

But-back to the sugar thing (he, he). The Sunday School teacher always has a snack for the kids. Here is what they have been so far this year: Cupcakes, brownies, cookies, candybars, and cupcakes again. :confused::confused::confused::confused:

 

I am flabbergasted. Last week, I brought the kids bars to have instead, and gave them to the teacher, and her question was "Do they have allergies?" I said no, but we try not to have too many sugary treats. Maybe my kids will help them switch to healthier snacks.

[Saille]

You are only meeting twice a month? How do you get anything done? And the other people want to only do it once a month? What would even be the point of that? We had an extra activity-like a service project almost once a month, in addition to our once a week meetings! Definitely send out a snack assignment sheet. We met from 6-8, there is no way the girls would have made it without a snack at that hour, give an approved snack list-string cheese and grapes, peanut better (assuming no allergies) and apples, tangerines and cheese slices, etc. You don't have to do it all, yourself! :grouphug:

 

It's a scouting group, and I've been flogging the sign-up sheet with limited results. One of my resolutions this year was not to compensate for others' lack of sign-up. I figured if there were no snacks and the kids complained, I'd say, "No one volunteered", and they'd all go home and complain. But a rotation makes much more sense (provided people show up).

[Haiku]

It's easy to say, until you are in the position where the indifferent attitude does your child harm.

 

Honey, I've been there. My one child has the casein issue, another child has asthma, and two of my kids have to take maintanence medications. You wouldn't believe how many times people have told me that "it won't hurt if they skip their medications just this once" when a spur-of-the moment sleepover invitation pops up and we don't have the meds with us. People just don't get it. Which is why you have to let it go. You'll drive yourself nuts if you expect other people to get it.

 

And don't get my started on people who don't understand adoption, or veganism, or why one would choose a non-Christian religion, or why one would homeschool ... my whole life if pretty much about letting it go. ;)

 

Tara

[Mrs Mungo]

Honey, I've been there. My one child has the casein issue, another child has asthma, and two of my kids have to take maintanence medications. You wouldn't believe how many times people have told me that "it won't hurt if they skip their medications just this once" when a spur-of-the moment sleepover invitation pops up and we don't have the meds with us. People just don't get it. Which is why you have to let it go. You'll drive yourself nuts if you expect other people to get it.

 

I agree, this is what I'm saying. It's the same reason it drives me *crazy* when people bring their kids to church when sick, even knowing my son has a lung disease and a respiratory illness can easily land him the hospital for a week. BUT, I *cannot* control them. It annoys me but, ultimately, I have to let it go. Look at all the "I cannot be expected to keep my kids at home all the time with the sniffles! How unreasonable!" posts in the threads on keeping sick people at home. It's very much the same thing.

[Audrey]

Honestly, I truly wish the whole snack policy would die.

 

 

So do I -- for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that I don't feel like being responsible for other people's kids and their allergies or food issues -- because, let's face it -- no matter what I bring, no matter how carefully I try to consider all the various issues, someone is going to b*tch about it. Another thing I dislike about the snack thing is that, if I'm being brutally honest, quite a lot of kids get too many snacks to begin with, and that obvious fact is exhibited in their waistlines. I do not get the point of sending your kids to soccer or hockey and then stuffing them with junk or other food as some kind of reward for having played. IMO, it defeats the purpose of organized physical activities. Food should never be used as a reward for people. It creates bad food relationships. Food as a reward is what you do with your dog or your horse, not your kid.

Edited October 22, 2009 by Audrey

[BikeBookBread]

I'm coming late into this, so I'm NOT going to read all of the pages! But, why did the choir director call it a "treat" sign-up and then ask for "cheese, crackers, veggies, cookies, drink"...? Why not ask for a "snack" sign-up?

 

Unfortunately, the word "treat" has become synonymous with sugary-food item. (We constantly harp in our house that "not all treats are something to eat"...)

 

Unfortunately the blind-eye-to-sugar is epidemic. We are not a sugar-free home, but my girls do NOT need a piece of candy given to them every Sunday morning at Sunday School!

 

Further, I do agree with PP's: why does every event have to have a snack associated with it anyway? If you child is prone to hunger, bring something for your child. Frankly, I'm tired of always providing snacks. (It's this way with adults, as well. We have a women's Bible study snack rotation -- every 4 weeks we have to bring a snack. Yes 2 1/2 hours is a long stretch of time to go for some people, but when I'm home, my children and I go that long without eating. What is it about not being at home that makes people feel like they need a nosh?)

Edited October 22, 2009 by BikeBookBread

[Garga]

I'm probably going to get flamed here, but I have to say I disagree a little.

 

YES, sugary treats are waaaaaay too prevalent! I get very annoyed by how often they are offered, and how there is seldom a non-sugary alternative.

 

That said, I also feel that the responsibility is on you to help your children avoid these things. My ds had food allergies as an infant/toddler. My dd is lactose intolerant. I did/do not expect the rest of the world to stop and cater to my family's dietary restrictions. I brought our own food, and kept my children from eating the other. Did they like it? NO. The world does not revolve around them however, and they are not entitled to everything they want. I feel it is very important for them to learn that. It is also important for them to learn how to make choices from a selection of food. As they get older, they will be more and more in charge of their diet, and they need to learn while you can help them. It is not easy, it is tiring, and it can get very overwhelming....but it's part of the life of an allergic/sensitive person.

 

I agree that if you have a child with a life threatening reaction then you need to keep the ingredient away in classroom and regularly attended group situations. It is too easy for someone to make a mistake and not difficult to let the 20 to 30 families involved know of the situation.

 

Sorry. I know it gets hard and frustrating. In this case especially since the request for healthier foods by the choir director is being ignored (she really needs to tell them not to bring that stuff and pick an item from the list!). But really, it's your responsibility, not every one elses.

 

 

I agree with this one. Not in a mean way. I have a child with life-threatening peanut allergies. I mean, really, eating a peanut can kill him, not just keep him up til midnight. I mean--kill him dead. We could be having a funeral if the little guy eats a peanut by accident, not just a lost night of sleep and a difficult day the next day. With that said, I am not belittling the frustration of kids being wild all night long!

 

My point is that on other threads moms have gotten very indignant about schools not allowing peanut butter sandwiches in schools or other public places where kids will be eating. On other threads, people (on this board) go on and on about how just because one kid has an allergy, everyone else shouldn't have to change the way they do things. They don't seem to realize that whenever I send my kid to Royal Rangers or Sunday School I have to be SURE that no one will accidentally kill him with a peanut. Sheesh. It would be such a relief if they just outlawed the peanut butter from the building. But most people don't agree with that because then they wouldn't be able to make pb&j sandwiches for their own kids. And in a way, I understand.

 

I guess it's also like those people with compromised immune systems who get so frustrated with people going out with H1N1. A healthy person gets the flu and has a bad week. An immune system compromised person gets it and can die. The poor people with their compromised immune systems really do have a point! But other people just don't "get" it. Same with deadly nut allergies or wild-child sugary snack issues.

 

So, it's sort of the same way with the sweets. If it's your kid with the problem, then it's your problem to feed the kid. Even though that doesn't feel fair somehow. And everyone else seems so insensitive.

 

And with all THAT said, I agree that if the director sent out an email asking for cheese and crackers, then she should have only accepted offers for cheese and crackers, in this instance.

Edited October 22, 2009 by Garga

[unsinkable]

Well they can divide it up more since a lot of people are responding. That should save people $$.

 

YOU MAY BRING CHEESE AND ONLY CHEESE!! DO NOT WANDER FROM THE PATH OF CHEESE!!

 

YOU MAY ONLY BRING CRACKERS AND *NOTHING* ELSE!! ONLY CRACKERS!!

 

:lol:

 

Raising my hand to ask if there is sausage on the path of cheese?!?!? I love sausage (pepperoni, summer, etc...) with cheese.

 

I'll eat most things. I'd eat all veggies & lean meats & whole grains or I'd eat a diet of processed stuff. I just like food.

[Murphy101]

I'm with earth angel.

Enough with the dadblum food already!

Feed your kids at home or bring your own whatever.

They don't have to have food in hand for every thing they do. I see this as a problem for a lot of adults too though. They can't seem to function without food in their hand. Movie - food. game - food. ballet - food. go for a walk - food. choir - food. pta - food. quilting - food.

I've never had much patience for this. It's expensive to do and completely not needed.

 

geez. what's the deal?

[Murphy101]

Food as a reward is what you do with your dog or your horse, not your kid.

 

*snort*

I agree.:lol:

[inactive]

So do I -- for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that I don't feel like being responsible for other people's kids and their allergies or food issues -- because, let's face it -- no matter what I bring, no matter how carefully I try to consider all the various issues, someone is going to b*tch about it.

 

This makes me very sad...I just hope that your child/children never develop an allergy and someone cops the same attitude you have exhibited...

[Mrs Mungo]

I do think snacks are good in some situations-during soccer games, the scouting troop I used to lead (it met from 6-8, the girls really needed a snack at that time), etc. But other situations, I agree, it's unnecessary and often, a distraction.

[christielee7278]

What type of sugars do your children react to? Does it matter? For example, I'm assuming white sugar is bad, but what about maple syrup or honey? Agave? I'm curious, but didn't think it rated a whole new thread.

 

thanks!

 

My 1st and 3rd children react to white sugar and artifical sugars, especially aspartame. It seems Splenda isn't as bad, but we just limit it anyway.

 

All of my children have bad reactions to additives and dyes. My youngest shared a piece of cookie cake with a little icing on it and broke out across his face and became raspy. The older three just lose all control of themselves, especially my 1st and 3rd.

[lionfamily1999]

So do I -- for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that I don't feel like being responsible for other people's kids and their allergies or food issues -- because, let's face it -- no matter what I bring, no matter how carefully I try to consider all the various issues, someone is going to b*tch about it. Another thing I dislike about the snack thing is that, if I'm being brutally honest, quite a lot of kids get too many snacks to begin with, and that obvious fact is exhibited in their waistlines. I do not get the point of sending your kids to soccer or hockey and then stuffing them with junk or other food as some kind of reward for having played. IMO, it defeats the purpose of organized physical activities. Food should never be used as a reward for people. It creates bad food relationships. Food as a reward is what you do with your dog or your horse, not your kid.

I agree. I've just stuck with bringing carrot sticks and celery. No dip (Ranch) anymore, got too many complaints for not bringing the right kind :glare: So, now it's carrots and celery, knock yourselves out kids.

 

I do have to say the whole, 'you just burned 250 calories, so here's a 1000 calorie treat to celebrate' thing is just bassackwards.

[keptwoman]

The specific wording was "treat" as in special thing, not just a snack. I would see cookies and cupcakes as a treat too. It sounds like the people offering those things offered within the bounds of what was asked.

 

Fact is that we are also dealing with allergies (not ana to food thankfully) and intolerances and I'd just bring something I knew we could eat. The only person who is responsible for making sure my kids allergies and intolerances are catered for is ME.

 

I really don't see what the hoopla is about, we are all responsible for making sure our kids have something they can eat and know what they shouldn't.

 

(please dont start yelling to me about nut allergies, I realise it's a serious touch allergy and in that case I would have assumed it would be specified in the email and people take notice, if they don't they are jerks)

[Jen in PA]

This makes me very sad...I just hope that your child/children never develop an allergy and someone cops the same attitude you have exhibited...

 

Wow, I hate stepping into a minefield but I'm not sure I can call Audrey's sentiment "an attitude." I can go all out to make sure I bring a kosher, vegan, gluten-free, nut-free snack, only to encounter the one kid who cannot have soy. Or who won't eat things that are "touching." Or whose parents are concerned that the fruit I bought might be from a country with lax rules. I have been fortunate to deal with plenty of folks who carry snacks they apporve of so their kids won't feel left out in group settings, but I get frustrated if I feel like someone was let down.

[Laurie4b]

Can a rant be polite? I tried to make it that way. Yesterday evening, my children's lovely, patient, wonderful Choir Director (the woman has the patience of a saint!) sent out an email with instructions for this Sunday (kids are singing), and a request for two families to provide a 'TREAT' (she specifically stated cheese, crackers, veggies, cookies, drinks) for Sunday evening's rehearsal for a little celebration for singing at two services Sunday morning. There are 26 children in junior choir.

 

This morning, SIX families had responded -- (everyone had hit reply all so we were all on the same page)...four families said they would bring cupcakes, the other two families said they would bring cookies.

:rant:

I realize that the 'no sugar' thing is my own personal little soapbox in most circles, but I am SO tired of the sugar issue being ignored -- I respect and understand kids and peanut and nut allergies....to the point that when we have birthday parties, I make certain the pizza is ordered from the ONLY pizza place that the other mom trusts...and I accomodate her child in other ways as well. I think it is considerate, responsible, and the right thing to do. Sugar is to my kids what nuts are to kids who have nut allergies.

 

A cupcake eaten at 6:30pm on a Sunday will continue to affect my children (the twins especially) until midnight.

 

So, today (sorry -- I aLWAYS ramble) when the sixth offer for cupcakes and or cookies was made, I sent the following email to the group:

I am most appreciative of the kind offers that have been made to provide

cupcakes and cookies for Sunday's little celebration. I will bring something to add to the celebration that is not quite as 'sugar-intensive.' My children

react to sugar the way 'peanut-allergic' children react to nuts -- their

reaction is quite strong and the negative effects of the sugar will remain with

them for hours. One cupcake eaten at that hour of the day will create havoc till amost midnight.

I will provide small bottles of water for Sunday and perhaps cheese and crackers or veggies.

Thank you again for your kind contributions -- Mariann A*****

 

The choir director immediately responded with a thank you for all the offers, and a very specifically worded thank you for the water/veggie/cheese/crackers.

 

Am I the ONLY mom who bristles at the indifference that some others have to the junk they give their kids to eat? I am not being snarky........I've been doing this 'mom-thing' for 30 years now. When DD30 was 5 or 6, if a mom provided a sugar-y snack, she was treated like a pariah -- no kidding! Has the pendulum swung the other way? Am I seeing those kids who were given raisins and apples as 'treats' now pushing cupcakes and cookies b/c they were not given those things?

 

 

I'm guessing that you've created a significant relationship problem for yourself within this group and it would probably be wise to try to remedy it. It sounds like these are people at your church that you'll want to be in fellowship with. I'd apologize--not for asking for less sugary snacks-- but for the way you went about it. Here's what I think is likely to have been offensive:

 

1) You shot your credibility when you made a false statement: "My children react to sugar the way 'peanut-allergic' children react to nuts . " Your children don't die, and they aren't in danger of dying; people know that (you told them how your children react) but people are going to think that you are also exaggerating when you do describe your children's reactions. It sounds manipulative.

 

2) There is nothing in your post that indicates you talked to the group about your children's responses ahead of time. If you have, then the rest of this comment doesn't pertain. To have offered to do something nice (bring cupcakes or cookies) and then receive your email would create negative feelings in many: guilt for the pleasers in the group and annoyance in some others for letting them know that their offering does not suit you. If you need people to help you by not bringing sugary treats, it's better said ahead of time. Once they've all offered, it would have been best to offer the cheese and crackers without saying anything.

 

3) Your email can be read as "holier than thou" whether you intended it that way or not.

 

4) Given the false statement and the rest, people are likely to take your "kind contributions" statements as insincere (which from your post, they sound like they are. You calling people "kind" for doing something you think is wrong: to ignore the sugar issue.)

 

Everyone makes mistakes. I think people appreciate it when people apologize for them.

[Kari C in SC]

I come from a different perspective (as I usually do). I bake to show people I care. My love language is cookies, cupcakes, brownies, etc. It is not because I am insensitive. It is because that is just who I am and what I think of when I think of giving something from my heart. I was raised in a diabetic home (my sister and my dad). Sugar was a novelty for us. I don't push it or forbid it in my home, but anytime I think of what can I do nice for somebody - I think instantly of sweet stuff.

[Laurie4b]

Again, who said it was "the same?"

 

Bill

 

The OP in her email to her group.

[Kari C in SC]

 

Schools are the worst these days. A party for this, a party for that. And "party" means sugary junk-food. And you get that "well it's a special occasion it's OK attitude." It isn't OK.

 

Grrrr...

 

Bill

 

I don't really think schools are worse these days. I remember very well all of the class parties we had with loads of sweet treats. I don't remember a single cheese platter ever. I think it actually a pretty normal American tradition to have parties with lots of treats.

[Spy Car]

I don't really think schools are worse these days. I remember very well all of the class parties we had with loads of sweet treats. I don't remember a single cheese platter ever. I think it actually a pretty normal American tradition to have parties with lots of treats.

 

I didn't say "worse" as it worse than in the past, I said "the worst", as in the kindergartens are frequently plied with sugary treats, and it's not helping my little student. Who is a pretty lovely child, but struggles to be non-fidgety when given a big dose of sugar.

 

Bill

[Kari C in SC]

Irresponsible? Because they offer children a treat with sugar? I would call someone irresponsible if they offered the sugar after being told not to.

 

 

 

:iagree: I think just bringing the non sugary treat would lead others to do the same next time without the guilt. I personally am the type who would have brought more sugar after reading your reply and I do often try to bring healthy or homemade treats but your comments would have rubbed me the wrong way. I would have also made sure if had red dye in it and blue number whatever.

 

 

 

I don't think it is because people don't care. I think it seems like we can't win. Kids have allergies to everything these days. People on here have mentioned dairy, nuts, apples, and pears. I've seen allergy boards where people say their kids are allergic to beef, chicken, eggs, peas, corn, carrots, wheat, rice, etc... When people begin to feel overwhelmed I think they fight back against it and just go with whatever they want.

 

Kelly (who has children eating suckers right now while watching tv as I sit at the computer drinking hot choclate with french vanilla creamer)

 

:lol: I love it!

[christielee7278]

Please figure out exaclty what it was that caused this reaction... that sounds dangerous. I would see an allergist and have him/her tested, and get an Epi-pen.

 

We are. It just happened. I know it isn't a nut allergy but who knows beyond that. It was one of those cookie cakes from that big cookie chain (American Cookie, I think?).

 

All of my boys are/were allergic to milk but outgrow it somewhere between one year and two years old. Same reaction as to the cake/icing, but he drinks cows milk pretty regularly now. It was very weird.

 

My oldest son sees a chiropractor for NAET treatments, and we plan on having all of our children tested just to be sure.

[HayesW]

Now see, I am the SNEAKY mom! I will bring cupcakes, but they will be my banana bead recipe that is yummy and healthy. I MIGHT add homemade frosting which would be cream cheese, butter and a touch of honey, to the top.

 

I don't like the CANDY CANDY CANDY thing all the time either.