Youth Pastor unsupportive of homeschooling?

[iluvmy4blessings]

Anyone had an experience of their church not being very supportive or understanding about homeschooling . I don't really broadcast that I homeschool or expect people to put their stamp of approval on the choices I make. However, I don't hide that we homeschool. Recently I mentioned to my daughter's youth pastor that we are homeschooling this year when he asked me to put down what school she was attending on the permission slip for the youth convention. I ended up getting what amounted to a lecture about how the public school is a mission field and if we don't witness there then we are not fulfilling the Great Commission. I tried to explain to him that my daughter is not strong enough in her own faith at the moment to even be a witness. It goes both ways after all. We can witness our faith to nonbelievers just as they can "witness" their ways to others as well. My daughter is still not able to rise above the influence. She is not able to witness and in fact she went the wrong direction last year in school. I think we are forgetting that some people need to grow and be strong in their own faith before they get thrown in the fire lest they get consumed.

 

I'm just a little irritated today...

[Janet in WA]

You know what, unless your YP's treatment of your daughter is a problem, I don't think you should worry about his opinion. If he's like most YP's, he's young, idealistic and has a lot yet to learn about life in general and parenting in particular. This is probably not the only area in which you and he would differ. Youth pastors tend to learn a lot from the youth and their parents. Let it go.

[PineFarmMom]

I ended up getting what amounted to a lecture about how the public school is a mission field and if we don't witness there then we are not fulfilling the Great Commission. ..

 

Nonsense!! Jesus didn't start his ministry until he was in his thirties.

 

School is there for education purposes, or so I have been told it is supposed to be. I never buy that argument for public school.

[Mrs Mungo]

Does the youth pastor have children of his own?

 

Every church we've attended had at least some church leaders who homeschooled. It's an important facet in how we choose our church.

[*********]

Nonsense!! Jesus didn't start his ministry until he was in his thirties.

 

Yes, this! And AMEN!

 

We need our children near us in their young years to teach them the way of the Lord. To develop their character, to keep their minds pure, to nurture a love for Christ.

 

My personal belief is that my children will not 'go into all the world' until it is clear to us, their parents, that they have a firm foundation in Christ. Now, clearly I have no assurances that they will be saved, and may reject the Truth. But I pray the Lord calls them to himself. And I will not send them out into the world unequipped.

[Macrina]

As a former-YP's wife I say he was OUT OF LINE. He shouldn't be forcing an opinion like that on you- what if he speaks to your dd about it and she gives you flack about hsing at home. I would speak to the YP or to the pastor. Whether they agree with your choice or not is a moot point. They are there for your daughter even if she was living in a van down by the river with a drunk mother and a loser boyfriend. Jeez. There are bigger fish to fry. The yp has too much time on his hands.

[angela in ohio]

Does the youth pastor have children of his own?

 

 

That was my question. I've not met many youth pastors who actually have dc that age.

 

I'm sure there are wonderful youth pastors out there, but you do generally get a "the experts know what is best" vibe from some of them.

[SquirrellyMama]

My personal belief is that my children will not 'go into all the world' until it is clear to us, their parents, that they have a firm foundation in Christ. Now, clearly I have no assurances that they will be saved, and may reject the Truth. But I pray the Lord calls them to himself. And I will not send them out into the world unequipped.

 

This is what i was going to say only I probably wouldn't have said it so well. I have heard pastors say they are keeping their kids in school to be a light and we shouldn't be leaving the schools because we need to be a light. I have also heard pastors say that we need to keep them home. I agree that kids need to have a firm foundation before they are sent out to be a light. Besides our kids often have friends who are in the public school. They can still be a light.

 

Kelly

[Mrs Mungo]

That was my question. I've not met many youth pastors who actually have dc that age.

 

I'm sure there are wonderful youth pastors out there, but you do generally get a "the experts know what is best" vibe from some of them.

 

I agree. If he doesn't have children of his own I would blow it off unless it happened again. If it happened again I would have a talk with the pastor.

[OnTheBrink]

I ended up getting what amounted to a lecture about how the public school is a mission field and if we don't witness there then we are not fulfilling the Great Commission.

 

Oh, I hate this argument for public schooling! What an unreasonable responsibility to put on a child. And, AMEN to whomever pointed out that Jesus' own ministry didn't start until he was an adult.

 

I'd tell your YP to mind his own business concerning how you choose to educate your children. Homeschooling is NOT a sin.

[Aubrey]

Dh says the idea of sending our kids to ps as missionaries is like recruiting child soldiers. It's not appropriate.

 

As far as church leaders being unsupportive or not understanding hs'ing, yep. There can be a huge disconnect between their experiences of ps, their theology, etc. &, um, reality. I really love our pastor, but this is something I wouldn't *choose* to discuss w/ him.

[FO4UR]

He was out of line. If it continues talk with the senior pastor.

 

Not to mention, I think he's WRONG!!!

 

My dh has served as YP and he would NEVER presume to tell a parent how to parent.....the YP should be there to SERVE families and not visa versa.

 

Funny thing, it was a YP position in a church with 50% HSers that finally led dh to agree wholeheartedly with me on HSing our little ones. Those HSers made such a positive impact to those around them, dh included.;)

[Word Nerd]

Anyone had an experience of their church not being very supportive or understanding about homeschooling . I don't really broadcast that I homeschool or expect people to put their stamp of approval on the choices I make. However, I don't hide that we homeschool. Recently I mentioned to my daughter's youth pastor that we are homeschooling this year when he asked me to put down what school she was attending on the permission slip for the youth convention. I ended up getting what amounted to a lecture about how the public school is a mission field and if we don't witness there then we are not fulfilling the Great Commission. I tried to explain to him that my daughter is not strong enough in her own faith at the moment to even be a witness. It goes both ways after all. We can witness our faith to nonbelievers just as they can "witness" their ways to others as well. My daughter is still not able to rise above the influence. She is not able to witness and in fact she went the wrong direction last year in school. I think we are forgetting that some people need to grow and be strong in their own faith before they get thrown in the fire lest they get consumed.

 

I'm just a little irritated today...

 

I would be irritated too. Everywhere is a mission field, and it isn't as if something like 80% (possibly more) of Christians don't already send their kids to public school. Can people without children fulfill the Great Commission? Of course, and so can homeschoolers, because there's a pretty big world outside of the local public school.

Edited October 1, 2009 by WordGirl

[Frontier Mom]

Well, it was when my dh was a youth pastor that we decided when we had children we would definitely home school. Maybe he needs to get more educated before he opens his mouth. As a senior pastor's wife now, I can tell you our youth minister loves the home schooled children. They are normally the only ones that do work between sessions like reading assigned books, daily devotionals, etc.

 

While I agree the ps is a mission field, children are too young to be "thrown to the lions." I would remind him that your Bible translation said Jesus entered ministry at the age of 30 and that public education is man-made, not God-made. However, the family is inspired by God.

[*********]

Children aren't to fulfill the great commission. Adults are. Or rather, whoever has reached the 'age of understanding' and has Christ as their savior is. Which could be whatever age, of course. Children are still learning; being equipped.

 

My six year old son is much more likely to be impressed upon by the world at ps than he is likely to be a witness for Christ.

 

Christ said 'let the little children come to me'.

 

To his disciples, GROWN MEN, Christ gave the great comission. He didn't meet them, say 'hey, come be my disciple', then send them out the next day, did he? He spent, what, three years or so teaching these grown men before he sent them out.

 

Send your child to ps as their mission field. Pfffft. That makes me upset.

[homeschoolally]

mag came in the mail today and had an article on homeschoolers and youth groups--made some great points I hadn't considered about the necessity, or not, of youth groups. You should check it out!

[Sputterduck]

When my son was a baby, and I was planning on homeschooling him, the youth pastor at the church we went to loved to talk about how the homeschooled kids were "weird". We had a bunch of them because our church held co-op classes for homeschooled children.

 

The youth pastor was new and came along well after the co-op stuff started. I wonder how his presence affected the homeschool community there. I assume those families eventually left because he is still there with his attitude.

 

He would go on about how they don't bond with their ps peers because they have nothing in common. I thought, "That's great! I don't want my son to grow up having anything in common with the kind of kids I see here at this church who are psed!" FTR, there were quite a few hardened, full of nasty attitude kids from the local public school there at the time. There was a huge difference between the two groups. The hsed kids could talk to the adults at church comfortably and didn't wear spikes and chains as was common with the ps kids and they didn't hole themselves off in peer groups like the ps kids did. The youth pastor thought that made them "weird". It just cemented my desire to homeschool.

[SonshineLearner]

How about you are the one who is witnessing. You have a world view. You understand that your children are to be taught Worldview from a Christian perspective. You are attempting to teach your children apologetics, so that when they are adults they will know HOW and WHAT to witness. You do not want your children raised by the village... you've seen the ones that are coming out of that village... and you want your children to be a Godly Adult.

Is this Youth Pastor, say.... barely out of school themselves? The sad thing is, many pastors still don't understand what a Christian Worldview is. They don't understand that beyond gaining knowledge, that a Christian's main objective... should be to Know God and Make Him Known.

 

If you're not studying about God, who are you studying about? It's the whole.... you can't serve two G/gods thing... You're for Him ... or against Him.... do you think that Government/Public school atmosphere& curriculum is for God?

 

I love Summit Ministries in Colorado.... think of something like this as your daughter grows. It's two weeks of Classes taught by people I've love to study under... College credit possible.... and fun is mixed in... (And they, of course, have the statistics on Christian students who enter Secular colleges... and how they believe at the end of four years....)

 

Carrie:-)

[Sputterduck]

Why is it that most youth pastors don't have children that age? It seems that experience with children that age would be a Big deal.

 

It seems to me that just as someone who doesn't have kids yet just doesn't understand certain things, someone who has never parented teens just doesn't understand certain things.

[athena1277]

Dh says the idea of sending our kids to ps as missionaries is like recruiting child soldiers. It's not appropriate.

 

 

I'm going to store this one away for future use. How can they argue with that statement?!

[the4Rs]

My husband said that Christian kids in public school are not being a light for others but are just trying to survive.

 

And I think he is absolutely right (100% of the time? no but a vast majority of the time)

 

Christian kids in PS try not to rock the boat, try not to draw attention to themselves, typically don't speak out when they hear deragatory things about their faith, and hope and pray they aren't picked on because of what they believe.

 

It is no wonder that 75% of kids from Christian homes leave the faith or renounce God when they leave home. They have no stability no cornerstone upon which to build their faith in Christ. They are not living their faith and growing deeper, they are getting by.

 

It's an old saying but it bears repeating "It is easier to pull someone down than to pull someone up." And that applies well to Christian kids in public schools.

 

And can I just have a vent moment here- I am sick and tired of lazy Christian families believing that the church is supposed to raise their kids to know the Lord. What?????? Once or twice a week for an hour or so here and there, and parents pat themselves on the back and say that they're raising Christian kids. It doesn't matter what they see or hear at church, if it isn't being lived out at home there is a disconnect and kids see it. It is up to us. God didn't give the children to our church to teach about Him, He gave them to us. And especially if you have church leaders like this YP who could potentially cause friction in church.

 

Ok off my soapbox now. :blush: Sorry, dealing with this in our own church and it drives me crazy. Ooooookay....moving on.

[Blueridge]

Anyone had an experience of their church not being very supportive or understanding about homeschooling . I don't really broadcast that I homeschool or expect people to put their stamp of approval on the choices I make. However, I don't hide that we homeschool. Recently I mentioned to my daughter's youth pastor that we are homeschooling this year when he asked me to put down what school she was attending on the permission slip for the youth convention. I ended up getting what amounted to a lecture about how the public school is a mission field and if we don't witness there then we are not fulfilling the Great Commission. I tried to explain to him that my daughter is not strong enough in her own faith at the moment to even be a witness. It goes both ways after all. We can witness our faith to nonbelievers just as they can "witness" their ways to others as well. My daughter is still not able to rise above the influence. She is not able to witness and in fact she went the wrong direction last year in school. I think we are forgetting that some people need to grow and be strong in their own faith before they get thrown in the fire lest they get consumed.

 

I'm just a little irritated today...

 

I agree with everything you've said. We attended a church when we first moved here, and although the people were fairly friendly, we were only 1 of 3 families that homeschooled. Our dd went to their youth group, along with her daddy. :) She tried to participate...the kids were clickish...and yet the YP praised her frequently (in front of daddy) for her mature answers to questions. He even asked her to give the lesson one Sunday, which we thought was a little weird. After 4 months or so of attending, the YP announced that the group was planning to go to a movie together. We thought it would be a fun outing for her. Wrong. On the short bus ride to the theater, the YP sat across from dd and started grilling her (her words) on things like socialization, did she have hobbies...friends outside church...did she ever get tired of being at home all the time:glare:. Just really nuts. We left the church shortly after that. Found out later that he was a big supporter of Christian schools, which apparently did NOT include homeschools. It was a shame to have this happen. So you are surely not alone!

[Janet in WA]

Why is it that most youth pastors don't have children that age?

Well, I think that unfortunately, it's something you do when you don't have to worry about the time and hours you devote to other people's children, and you don't have a family to support with the abysmally small salary. It's not typically a "grown-up" job.

[Ellie]

Oh, yeah. BTDT.

 

If he tries that again, let him talk to the hand. Really. His mind is made up and he doesn't want to hear the truth.

 

Here's how someone replied to this topic on another forum long ago:

 

Our children in schools are not missionaries but are the mission field themselves. ALL children in the school are the mission field. The battle for their minds and hearts is fought daily. Influences from teachers to textbooks to media purposefully impact ALL the children, usually not for the furtherance of Christianity. If folly is bound up in the heart of a child (as the Bible says it is, Prov. 22:15) how can we expect him/her to not only withstand this impact but proactively influence others? How can we teach our children as we walk by the way, when we rise, etc. (as the Bible says we should, Deut. 6:4-7) when they are away from us for most of the day? In other words, how can we expect to equip our folly-filled children to fight this battle wisely when the bulk of their time is spent being trained in the enemy camp?

Are our children really supposed to sway the minds of teachers and students alike with their immature powers of persuasion and articulation? Or more likely will bad company corrupt good character (1 Cor. 15:33)? We need to train our soldiers before we send them off to battle. As Paul writes in 1 Cor. 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." Young children are not equipped to proselytize in the school setting. (Goodness, some teachers (incorrectly) don't even think you are allowed to have a Bible in class!)

Okay, I guess you know where I stand!:)

by the way, I once listened to a Greg Harris tape once responding to this very issue. He recommended practicing hospitality as a means of approaching the schools as a mission field.

[K-FL]

Yep, that's why God told Moses to send all those chosen children to Philistine High while their parents were busy building the Tabernacle. :tongue_smilie: I guess this yp hasn't noticed how the Israelites lost their faith every other generation when they were too cozy with the natives, "Taking their daughters for their sons," etc.

 

In the yp's defense, he's not alone. I've had too many people who should know better spew the same line. Churches are loathe to offend the public schools, regardless of the obvious anti-Christian & even just anti-American bias because of the school employees in the pews.:glare:

[scrapbookbuzz]

I am not the original post-er, but I just wanted to say, all of you are SO WONDERFUL! Believe it or not, I logged on here to look for an answer to a different question I had, but reading through here pretty much answered it!

 

All of these responses are encouraging and fabulous. I even wrote a down a couple of statements and that gave me the idea of possibly developing a 'flip book' of quotes to encourage homeschool teachers!

 

My 'no mercy' side chuckled at the response of, "Your YP is full of it and you should tell him that."

 

Thank you all for your indirect encouragement!

[johnandtinagilbert]

I couldn't agree more with the accurate encouragement you have received here and would not let this drop, but would respond, perhaps via email to your YP and Senior Pastor. I'd attempt to reserve from a defensive tone, but portray the email with a kind and gentle tone that gently supports how the WORLD at large is a mission field and every where you go is an opportunity to witness, including home schooling communities, church, the grocery store, etc. I'd def. include the many supporting ideas from this thread. If he is willing to open his mouth about this, where is clearly clueless, I would wonder if he would open his mouth again later. Considering he is in a place of authority in your dc's life, I could not just let this slide, without the email or letter from you and DH

 

:grouphug: Terrible how a)youth pastors are do darn young and often inexperienced, and b)the church is so concerned with TELLING people how to live, instead of being Living, Breathing, Walking examples of Jesus...I'd be pretty mad :glare:

[JVA]

"As a former-YP's wife I say he was OUT OF LINE. He shouldn't be forcing an opinion like that on you- what if he speaks to your dd about it and she gives you flack about hsing at home. I would speak to the YP or to the pastor. Whether they agree with your choice or not is a moot point."

 

 

I SO agree with this. Not only did the YP show his ignorance- he is VERY DISRESPECTFUL. A YP should NOT undermine a parent or question their decisions. I would go directly to the senior pastor. That young man needs to learn a few things.

[Supertechmom]

And Jesus started his ministry by recruiting a core group of followers that he trained and then sent out in groups of 2. The ones that went alone went to all ready established groups to help. BUt we are to send our little kids and teens to school where they aren't allowed to discuss religion in the first place and send them alone to minister.

 

I don't even allow mine to attend the youth group because the public school kids behave so badly in church. If I don't consider them appropriate peers, do you think I'm going feed my kids to a basically unsupervised group of kids at the local school where everything goes no matter what?

 

Youth groups are rough. :glare:

[TXMary2]

When my son was a baby, and I was planning on homeschooling him, the youth pastor at the church we went to loved to talk about how the homeschooled kids were "weird". We had a bunch of them because our church held co-op classes for homeschooled children.

 

The youth pastor was new and came along well after the co-op stuff started. I wonder how his presence affected the homeschool community there. I assume those families eventually left because he is still there with his attitude.

 

He would go on about how they don't bond with their ps peers because they have nothing in common. I thought, "That's great! I don't want my son to grow up having anything in common with the kind of kids I see here at this church who are psed!" FTR, there were quite a few hardened, full of nasty attitude kids from the local public school there at the time. There was a huge difference between the two groups. The hsed kids could talk to the adults at church comfortably and didn't wear spikes and chains as was common with the ps kids and they didn't hole themselves off in peer groups like the ps kids did. The youth pastor thought that made them "weird". It just cemented my desire to homeschool.

 

This is how many of the PS kids are at the church we just left. We are now at a church where the Pastor is one who is supporting of homeschooling, while not bashing public schools. The church we left had about 80 congregation members who work in our local public schools in some capacity. Even though there are/were about 16 homeschooling families in our small church, the church was generally not supportive of homeschooling or encouraging. They prop up the public school and spout the same "mission field" line. It infuriates me everytime I hear it because I don't know of anyplace in the Bible where Jesus says we need to send the children to do battle.

 

My oldest loved the youth group because he is a very social creature. No matter what I do that boy is a follower and wants to be part of the cool crowd. He went to Wednesday night group for "fun" and not for worship. To hear his side, he says that isn't true, but fruit is the proof and he doesn't have any in that area. He's a hard worker, which he learned by being homeschooled and had that example from my husband and me, but socially and spiritually, we didn't wield enough influence and the peers won out. These kids youth missionary trips were to BEACHES and CAMPGROUNDS. Please. I know the churches think these things are great, but going on a beach trip where praying before meals and having a group bible study at night around a campfire with smores, does not a mission trip make!

 

My 13 yo wants nothing to do with the crazy youth group at the church we just left. He thinks the kids there are "weird"- LOL. He doesn't understand their need to swear, dress crazy and in general, act stupid. He is about to start attending youth group at the new church and so far we have high hopes.

[TXMary2]

And can I just have a vent moment here- I am sick and tired of lazy Christian families believing that the church is supposed to raise their kids to know the Lord. What?????? Once or twice a week for an hour or so here and there, and parents pat themselves on the back and say that they're raising Christian kids. It doesn't matter what they see or hear at church, if it isn't being lived out at home there is a disconnect and kids see it. It is up to us. God didn't give the children to our church to teach about Him, He gave them to us. And especially if you have church leaders like this YP who could potentially cause friction in church.

 

.

 

Amen! May I add that it is these same parents who are in denial about their kids public school? I can't tell you how many times I hear, "Oh my kids school is GREAT! My child has straight A's and the school is just wonderful." Please. When I was a kid only about 20% of students got straight A's and they worked their hiney's off. Today about 80% get straight A's. Talk about disconnect.

[jenL]

Dh says the idea of sending our kids to ps as missionaries is like recruiting child soldiers. It's not appropriate.

 

As far as church leaders being unsupportive or not understanding hs'ing, yep. There can be a huge disconnect between their experiences of ps, their theology, etc. &, um, reality. I really love our pastor, but this is something I wouldn't *choose* to discuss w/ him.

:iagree: Our pastor supports the parents' rights to choose what is best for their children; however, he would not ever homeschool his kids due to his own convictions on it. He's not against it per se, it's just not for his family. His children attend a private Christian school. My homeschooling is not something I broadcast around him. Ironically, his wife is one of my best friends, and she fully supports what we do with our kids!

[PineFarmMom]

Our situation is a pretty good one. I had always thought that we'd just completely avoid youth group altogether. Then we moved to a church with some really. good. kids. The youth minister is a homeschool dad with a wonderful family. From what I've seen so far, there is a real meshing of the groups of ps, homeschool, and private school kids. Dd is involved and gets along well with them all. Unless I'm missing something, it seems like this is kind of across the board. The homeschool kids are accepted and liked just as the ps and private school kids are. I'm sure it's not all roses, but so far it is good.

[angela in ohio]

Why is it that most youth pastors don't have children that age? It seems that experience with children that age would be a Big deal.

 

It seems to me that just as someone who doesn't have kids yet just doesn't understand certain things, someone who has never parented teens just doesn't understand certain things.

 

That is the million dollar question, and I think the reason so many youth groups are failures. Teens go spend an evening with their "cool friend" the youth pastor, who doesn't have any experience in parenting, but thinks he is more qualified to give spiritual guidance to teens than their parents and isn' afraid to tell them so.

[FO4UR]

That is the million dollar question, and I think the reason so many youth groups are failures. Teens go spend an evening with their "cool friend" the youth pastor, who doesn't have any experience in parenting, but thinks he is more qualified to give spiritual guidance to teens than their parents and isn' afraid to tell them so.

 

:iagree:

 

Youth Pastors really need to be encouragers of parents. YP is going to be there to influence a child for maybe 6yrs...parents last a lifetime. With this in mind, one would think a good YP might be a retired pastor...and not a "pastor-in-training"... someone who could spot a troubled teen a mile away and have the experience to walk with the PARENTS in ministering to the child. It's hard to even see that when many YP could fit the description of "troubled teen" (or young adult) himself.

 

There is value in having a young YP too, I think. They are not far from the experience of high school, and the wounds and pitfalls are still fresh in the memory. Part of the problem is that church's just give the YP complete "freedom" in "his area" and rather than the youth ministry being an extension of the church as a whole, it is some entity that is constantly pulling away...pulling the kids away in the process. Look at the stats for how many kids remain in church in their 20's for the proof of that.

 

Too much entertainment...too little actual ministry.

[Aubrey]

Why is it that most youth pastors don't have children that age? It seems that experience with children that age would be a Big deal.

 

It seems to me that just as someone who doesn't have kids yet just doesn't understand certain things, someone who has never parented teens just doesn't understand certain things.

 

Because--for most churches--no one can afford to raise a family on a yp salary.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

Yes, this! And AMEN!

 

We need our children near us in their young years to teach them the way of the Lord. To develop their character, to keep their minds pure, to nurture a love for Christ.

 

My personal belief is that my children will not 'go into all the world' until it is clear to us, their parents, that they have a firm foundation in Christ. Now, clearly I have no assurances that they will be saved, and may reject the Truth. But I pray the Lord calls them to himself. And I will not send them out into the world unequipped.

:iagree: I also believe many ministries who's 'witnesses' are primarily immature believers do more harm, in the course of things, than good.

[Carol in Cal.]

Did he also lecture you on needing to be in the workforce so you could witness for the Gospel?

 

People who pick on young children for not witnessing are usually too chicken to pick on adults for not witnessing. The poor kids become a proxy for the adults. It's wrong.

[robsiew]

I can't speak to your YP, but our pastor doesn't support homeschooling either (for the same reason your YP mentioned.) I have decided not to care. It's my responsibility to take care of my children how I see fit. It really doesn't matter what he thinks. We have our reasons and that's that in my mind. It is a little difficult being only one of about 2 families that home school in our church, but I can't be bothered to care.... I would just drop it and not bring it up... if he does then I would politely tell him to shut thee up! ;-)

[Macrina]

DH (former youth pastor) is not surprised to hear that a YP feels this way. An increasing trend in evangelical churches. He says it's the whole evangelical thing: "that it's somehow our responsibility to save someone. That if we don't send our kids to PS that some teen will miss their chance of salvation." Rubbish we say.

[Carol in Cal.]

DH (former youth pastor) is not surprised to hear that a YP feels this way. An increasing trend in evangelical churches. He says it's the whole evangelical thing: "that it's somehow our responsibility to save someone. That if we don't send our kids to PS that some teen will miss their chance of salvation." Rubbish we say.

 

Rubbish, indeed. And again, you don't hear those same guys giving adults a hard time about their own lack of witness very often.

[staceyobu]

:iagree:

 

Youth Pastors really need to be encouragers of parents. YP is going to be there to influence a child for maybe 6yrs...parents last a lifetime. With this in mind, one would think a good YP might be a retired pastor...and not a "pastor-in-training"... someone who could spot a troubled teen a mile away and have the experience to walk with the PARENTS in ministering to the child. It's hard to even see that when many YP could fit the description of "troubled teen" (or young adult) himself.

 

There is value in having a young YP too, I think. They are not far from the experience of high school, and the wounds and pitfalls are still fresh in the memory. Part of the problem is that church's just give the YP complete "freedom" in "his area" and rather than the youth ministry being an extension of the church as a whole, it is some entity that is constantly pulling away...pulling the kids away in the process. Look at the stats for how many kids remain in church in their 20's for the proof of that.

 

Too much entertainment...too little actual ministry.

 

My DH worked as a youth pastor for several years not long after we were married. It's a hard job for low, low pay. He was gone for about five weeks straight in the summer... youth camp, preteen camp, super summer, mission trip, etc. Not fun when you have a newborn baby and are making pennies. How many 50 year olds do you know who want to go sleep on a bunk for a week in the summer and be kept awake all night?

 

I agree that youth pastors should not be given a group of kids and sent off with them. Youth ministry needs to be tied to the rest of the church. Ideally, youth ministers would help equip parents to spiritually equip their children.

[RanchGirl]

As a previous poster mentioned, some youth pastors are really caught up in the cool friend thing. They are so busy being "culturally relevant" to typical high school kids and "relationship evangelizing" that they miss being light altogether. Not all, but some. So of course they think that all kids should be as "cool" as they are.

 

As for Christian kids witnessing in the public schools.... that mission has not been super successful so far. More and more of our Christian family kids are abandoning the church during middle school and high school. That's what the youth pastors should be worried about IMO!!

[iluvmy4blessings]

Thanks for all the replies! Yes it is true that youth pastor just turned 30, just got married last year, and has no children. He also became a Christian 3 years ago himself. He was not raised in the church and was actually raised in a really bad side of town with a mother who did a lot of drugs. He had a very rough upbringing . His testimony is a great one but he also says that he "turned out ok" so there is nothing to fear. He was actually delivered from cocaine after coming to Christ but he also believes that what he went through as a child is nothing in comparison to what my daughter for example might go through in school. So if he can make it , so can she.

 

Now this same youth pastor asked all the kids this week to go on a media fast for one week. NO tv, no computer and nothing but Christian music. He sees that there are influences on them but for some reason school is not considered one of them. I find this attitude prevalent though with a lot of the ministers at my church as there are only 2 homeschooling families there and we are the oddballs I guess. I don't understand how they advise us to get rid of outside influences (and they preach on it a LOT) as in tv, music etc. but yet if you tell them you are pulling out of the school system (the single biggest negative influence on my daughter as of yet..and this is personal experience not just speculation)...well suddenly we're fanatics.

[sassenach]

As the wife of a former youth pastor (now lead pastor), I believe he was over the line. I have met youth pastors (and church leaders in general) that have swung either way on this subject, but none that would tell a parent that their choice is wrong. I tend to give a LOT of grace to pastors, but especially youth pastors, because they are CONSTANTLY picked at over something. BUT, this is a genuine issue of this pastor not recognizing where the authority of the pastor ends and the authority of the parent begins.

 

 

Anyone had an experience of their church not being very supportive or understanding about homeschooling . I don't really broadcast that I homeschool or expect people to put their stamp of approval on the choices I make. However, I don't hide that we homeschool. Recently I mentioned to my daughter's youth pastor that we are homeschooling this year when he asked me to put down what school she was attending on the permission slip for the youth convention. I ended up getting what amounted to a lecture about how the public school is a mission field and if we don't witness there then we are not fulfilling the Great Commission. I tried to explain to him that my daughter is not strong enough in her own faith at the moment to even be a witness. It goes both ways after all. We can witness our faith to nonbelievers just as they can "witness" their ways to others as well. My daughter is still not able to rise above the influence. She is not able to witness and in fact she went the wrong direction last year in school. I think we are forgetting that some people need to grow and be strong in their own faith before they get thrown in the fire lest they get consumed.

 

I'm just a little irritated today...

[Kate CA]

Thanks for all the replies! Yes it is true that youth pastor just turned 30, just got married last year, and has no children. He also became a Christian 3 years ago himself. He was not raised in the church and was actually raised in a really bad side of town with a mother who did a lot of drugs. He had a very rough upbringing . His testimony is a great one but he also says that he "turned out ok" so there is nothing to fear. He was actually delivered from cocaine after coming to Christ but he also believes that what he went through as a child is nothing in comparison to what my daughter for example might go through in school. So if he can make it , so can she.

 

Now this same youth pastor asked all the kids this week to go on a media fast for one week. NO tv, no computer and nothing but Christian music. He sees that there are influences on them but for some reason school is not considered one of them. I find this attitude prevalent though with a lot of the ministers at my church as there are only 2 homeschooling families there and we are the oddballs I guess. I don't understand how they advise us to get rid of outside influences (and they preach on it a LOT) as in tv, music etc. but yet if you tell them you are pulling out of the school system (the single biggest negative influence on my daughter as of yet..and this is personal experience not just speculation)...well suddenly we're fanatics.

 

You know, I rarely post in threads that involve church or pastor conflicts because I know there are a lot of different viewpoints on what constitutes the proper roll of a church and a pastor. However, in this situation I think you need to consider what is being preached overall. If the pastor is not preaching the Word of God, then he is preaching his own convictions. I don't attend church to hear *any* pastor's convictions. I go to learn and study the Word of God. If the pastor feels it is his place to tell YOU how to parent, you can bet he is telling the children in his care what he thinks about their choices (or worse - what he thinks of your choices).

 

You and your husband, before God, know what you are doing is right. You know this is what your dd needs. It is highly inappropriate for an adult in authority over your dd in the setting of youth events to be telling you that you are wrong. Did he say this in front of your dd?? What if that makes her second guess you and your dh?? First off, I would seriously consider whether I wanted that kind of influence in my child's life. To me *that* is a negative influence. If I felt I still wanted my dd to attend then I would think you and your dh ought to have a serious conversation with the YP about his place and his opinions. It is simply inappropriate for him to be telling you how to parent.

 

The second thing I want to address is that nothing in scripture that tells us to hide from "outside influences." We are, as Philippians 4:8 instructs us, to think on "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." We are to live to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." Not all "outside influences" are wrong. If we try to live the Christian life checking off behavior boxes ("I didn't do this or that today! I am so holy!") then we are not living to glorify our Savior - we are living to glorify ourselves.

 

I don't want my children to think that salvation comes from anything they *do* because it isn't. There is not a single thing we can do to earn the merit or forgiveness of God. Churches ought to be teaching that our roll is not to avoid the non-Christian radio station or to spend less time on Facebook. They ought to be teaching us the truth of God's Word and glorifying Him.

[SquirrellyMama]

DH (former youth pastor) is not surprised to hear that a YP feels this way. An increasing trend in evangelical churches. He says it's the whole evangelical thing: "that it's somehow our responsibility to save someone. That if we don't send our kids to PS that some teen will miss their chance of salvation." Rubbish we say.

 

I would say that evangelical churchs are a lot about witnessing but not necessarily about kids doing it in the ps. In my church we have 5 pastors and all but one homeschool. The one that doesn't has no kids yet. Most of the pastors in our association of churches that we meet also homeschool. I think many of the evangelical churches believe very strongly in witnessing (too strongly sometimes) but many also believe in training your kids first before sending them out.

 

I hope you can get this worked out with your YP. The situation might not be as bad as it seems. Talk with him first and tell him your concerns. He sounds like a young Christian that needs some guidance. I'm a little concerned that someone who became a Christian 3 years ago in a YP anyway. He seems too new in his faith.

[FO4UR]

My DH worked as a youth pastor for several years not long after we were married. It's a hard job for low, low pay. He was gone for about five weeks straight in the summer... youth camp, preteen camp, super summer, mission trip, etc. Not fun when you have a newborn baby and are making pennies. How many 50 year olds do you know who want to go sleep on a bunk for a week in the summer and be kept awake all night?

 

I agree that youth pastors should not be given a group of kids and sent off with them. Youth ministry needs to be tied to the rest of the church. Ideally, youth ministers would help equip parents to spiritually equip their children.

 

The church was wrong here imho! They should not let any one member neglect family for the ministry. PERIOD! I've been in your shoes - I had my dd4 on a Palm Sunday (not advisable for the wife of ANY minister:glare:). I have experienced the summer of 10000 summer camps too. :grouphug:

 

The 50yo wouldn't need to sleep on a bunk---it's not the YP role to be the chaperone (although he may do that do...most do). It's his role to oversee the ministry to that age-group (which necessarily involves a ministry to/with their parents).

 

This is the difference between youth entertainment and youth ministry. If it ALL revolves around ONE man, it's not a good thing...and (I don't know your dh so I'm not really talking about him but just ranting about the problems I've faced, really;)).

 

 

 

Thanks for all the replies! Yes it is true that youth pastor just turned 30, just got married last year, and has no children. He also became a Christian 3 years ago himself. He was not raised in the church and was actually raised in a really bad side of town with a mother who did a lot of drugs. He had a very rough upbringing . His testimony is a great one but he also says that he "turned out ok" so there is nothing to fear. He was actually delivered from cocaine after coming to Christ but he also believes that what he went through as a child is nothing in comparison to what my daughter for example might go through in school. So if he can make it , so can she.

 

Now this same youth pastor asked all the kids this week to go on a media fast for one week. NO tv, no computer and nothing but Christian music. He sees that there are influences on them but for some reason school is not considered one of them. I find this attitude prevalent though with a lot of the ministers at my church as there are only 2 homeschooling families there and we are the oddballs I guess. I don't understand how they advise us to get rid of outside influences (and they preach on it a LOT) as in tv, music etc. but yet if you tell them you are pulling out of the school system (the single biggest negative influence on my daughter as of yet..and this is personal experience not just speculation)...well suddenly we're fanatics.

 

 

I think it might be a case of a "baby Christian" being given too much too fast. idk. He just sounds immature. Cover it in grace and pray about ways to help him. Certainly, don't feel compelled to take his advice or allow him to guilt you over your decisions.

 

You can keep explaining the the ps is the single largest worldly influence on most kids, but it sounds like he's so wrapped up in recovering from his own past that he isn't going to be very open to hearing that. Take heart - if God's working on him, your family may be in one of his stories years down the road...."I thought all HSers were weird, and then I met this family......";):lol:

[Lizzie in Ma]

Dh says the idea of sending our kids to ps as missionaries is like recruiting child soldiers. It's not appropriate.

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Christy B]

I don't have time to carefully read all the replies, but I will say that the greatest opposition we've had with homeschooling has been within our church. The pressure to use public school was intense, until the pastor one day decided that Christian school was better, and now there is pressure to use Christian school. We're on the wrong side of the fence either way. :tongue_smilie:

 

I realized how beyond furious I would have been if we had yielded to the pressure to send our kids to public school, only to then be told how bad the schools were -- and that's when I realized NO ONE has the authority over my conscience to tell me how to educate my kids.

 

I've learned that's one of the many problems with letting pastors bind our consciences on matters of liberty -- THEY CHANGE THEIR MINDS as to what is "best" or "biblical" while we're left living with the consequences of their "leadership". It was an eye-opening experience, obviously with implications far beyond homeschooling, but it totally changed the way I approach the issue of homeschooling in my church. I refuse to walk around defending my "inferior" choice -- I just go about my business.