Large Families

[TKDmom]

So, reading the first few pages of the quiverfull post got me wondering about how others deal with having large families. I suppose I'm specifically wondering about how you deal with others' reactions to your family. I am about to have my 4th. I never considered 3 to be a "large" family, but apparently I am in the minority among people who live around me. Apparently having a 4th crosses some line of "normalcy" and being pregnant seems to give other people permission to ask very personal questions. It annoys me, but I try to answer honestly and with good humor. "Yes, this was planned", "Yes I do want to have more (but I'll let you know for sure after I am done having this one)", "No, I'm not a complete idiot", etc, etc.

 

I am probably being over-sensitive, but I hate being the center of attention and having a vanload of kids in tow seems to draw a lot of attention. I'm starting to wonder if I should avoid taking all my kids out into public at once. I do want to avoid taking all of them to the grocery store for my own sanity. I can only handle so many people whining at me for donuts and ice cream. But what about other activites? Do I just drop off dd at her dance lessons so I don't have to try to keep 3 other children occupied in the waiting room? Do I get a babysitter every time one of my kids has a doctor's appointment?

 

What is your biggest challenge (especially outside the home) with having large family and how do you deal with it?

[anotherclassicmom]

Here is a funny response, by one of my friends. I have never had this questions posed to me, but I think I would give the answer my friend did.

 

Lady at checkout - "Wow are all those kids yours"

My friend - "Why yes" (she is pregnant with number 4)

Lady at checkout - " Don't you know what causes that"

My friend - "I sure do and boy is he good at it"

END OF CONVERSATION

 

I wish I had her comeback ability :)

[Caitilin]

Well, I have 6 kids, and I just turned 31, so I get it coming and going--"are all those yours???" AND "you're HOW old???" But my biggest challenge is just the vehicle to drive. We're going to need to size-up, as while we all fit in the minivan, we can't take DH with us anywhere. ;)

 

Apart from that, I don't really have major issues. I do get sick of all the comments, but frequently, especially from older people, I get "what a lovely, well-behaved family/kids you have," which is always heartwarming. :) My gut reaction to most things that people say to me about most things is "you have no idea what you're talking about," so this additional thing doesn't really bother me.

 

My biggest challenge at home is that well, we're messy. I am, DH is, and we have produced 6 messy kids. Now, although I am messy myself, I still get SICK of the constant drift of debris I am forced to live with. If you're naturally neat, you probably won't suffer from this issue.

 

Enjoy your bigger family--you'll have more friends when they grow up! ;)

[4kiddies]

I'm right there with you... I have four kids and while I knew it wasn't the typically size family I don't necessarily think we are a large family. Other people sure do though and feel free to comment on it regularly. I just laugh it off... I take all four of my kids with me everywhere and I would never think of leaving any of them home just to avoid comments. Now if its for sanity sake that's something altogether different.:001_smile:

[AFwife Claire]

Well, we have 7, so we always get many comments wherever we go. I just smile and say the same responses back to the people. I tell my kids that we may be the only big family some people ever see, so I want them to have a good impression, not a bad impression, of big families. I never liked being the center of attention either, but I will say that it bothers me a lot less than when I just had 4-5. Now it's just the way things are--normal! I would never not take my kids somewhere just because I was worried about responses from strangers!

 

Also, we have had many, many very kind comments from people, ones that have just made my day. Older people like to say nice things to us, especially if they grew up in large families themselves. Many people talk about how rare it is to see big families out and about anymore.

 

We have had to work on sitting quietly in waiting rooms, standing patiently beside shopping carts (we are military and visit our commissary about every 6 weeks where we buy $600-$800 worth of food and sue several carts, so it can be a real challenge), and not being disruptive in restaurants, and so on. We have certainly not achieved perfection in these areas (LOL!), but on the whole I think the kids do well and are a positive advertisement, if you will, for big families.

 

Now my husband is a lot less patient with people, and when he sees people staring, he will stare right back at them as we all waltz on past, or he'll comment loudly to me, "At least no one is gawking!" : ) But it doesn't really bother me anymore!

[farmmom4him]

I have 6.

 

My responses are:

 

"are they all yours"

 

"Yes"

 

Do you run a daycare?

 

"nope, we are a family"

 

Do you know what causes this?

 

"Oh, yeah but it is just so much fun"

 

Do you and your dh get along that good or are you making up that much?

 

"Wouldn't you like to fight with me to find out?"

 

"You have your hands full?

 

"Sometimes, but most grocery stores let me use the carts to put the groceries in"

 

Are you done?

 

"Only God knows the answer to that, but what am I supposed to be done with?

 

Are you pregnant yet?

 

"oh no, B was baling hay all last month so we missed our shot at it, would you mind working _________ so we stand a chance this month?

 

What is your grocery bill?

 

"less then my in laws."

 

"Do you have TV?"

 

"nope, why watch it when you can do it?"

 

"Do you really like driving that 15 pass van"

 

"heck ya I do, know anyone else that I can drag race and leave in the dust? (ours has a chip and will burn rubber if you give it half a chance, we bought it this way. lol)

 

Funny story on that. My half-sis's dh was making fun of my van. My then 8 yr old ds, told him, "you better watch it, mom's van rocks." BIL "sure kid"

 

Well, we all left to go do something and went out on an open road, my dh gets a bit irritated with BIL's comments sometimes, and they decided to see what would happen. They were driving a Chevy Envoy and let's just say they were left in the dust big time. lol

 

There are more, but I am drawing a blank on some of the other comments. lol

[mommaduck]

We moved. Seriously. We finally moved to where ppl a) mind their own business and b) have, appreciate, and enjoy medium to large families and consider it "normal" (J&K+8 are the exception to the rule, us locals ignore that circus).

[Quad Shot Academy]

Apparently having a 4th crosses some line of "normalcy" and being pregnant seems to give other people permission to ask very personal questions.

 

:iagree: Ever since I started showing with my fourth, the comments and questions started. It is very hard for me to not take the comments and questions personally. Recently we started looking for an 8 passenger minivan and quite a few relatives and strangers have made comments about hoping that we would not be increasing in numbers to match the seats. I hear on at least a weekly basis that people are glad we stopped having kids. :glare: We had a very ill child for two nighmarish years is why we "stopped" but we have done nothing permanent, so I don't consider it "stopped." It is very difficult to not view the comments as a reflection of my parenting, economic status, children's behavior . . . Do they see something so terrible about my life that they think another child would bring doom to our lives? :confused: I have honestly evaluated these things, but can't see that anyone would have issues with these things.

 

I was hanging out at the park once with my friend's husband and his 3 kids and someone came up to us and told us to "Get a TV." It took me a long time to figure out why he said that! :D

 

The constant comments at EVERY store I go to, do get old, especially when it has a negative tone. I am afraid it will start to negatively effect my children.

 

My biggest challenge is that we are always in doctors offices and picking up germs. A cold can take 1 month to go through our family. I used to glare at people that took sick kids in public, but we wouldn't be able to go out in the winter, if we had to wait for everyone to be healthy. Now I get the glares. ;) (I am really, really tired of us always being sick.) But really, I don't even know how it would be possible to do all well visits AND dentists and specialists AND still get school done.

[mommaduck]

My husband typically gets slaps on the back, big grins, and comments like, "wish I was in YOUR shoes!" "I can tell you have fun!" "apparently you aren't in the doghouse very often" "you must be getting it more than I am" always followed with winks. Embarrassing to say the least. And STUPID on top of that. Since when does more kids = more TEA? If anything, my husband will tell you that it equals less TEA :lol:

[MamaT]

My oldest is 23, so I just have four with me most of the time now. When they were younger, I got the "Are you a daycare?" question a lot. I thought it was because not all my kids are the same color (two are adopted).

 

I have always taken them with me places and expected them to behave. They didn't always when they were younger, but I tried.

 

I have never paid much attention to other people's comments/opinions about our family. It just went in one ear and out the other.

 

My favorite comeback is when my dh took all the dc into the bank with him years ago. The teller asked him if they were all his. When he responded, "Yes, they are." She asked him if we had a television. He said, "Yeah, but thank goodness there are commercials." :001_smile:

[JennifersLost]

As a mom of four I got a lot of comments when I lived in California. Up here in northern BC it's totally normal, thank God.

 

When I used to run a daycare and went for walks with 4 - 6 kids in my stroller and several other walkers I got all the same kinds of comments you guys do. I used to love it when I would walk down the street with four or five kids in the 2 - 4 year old age range, of all different races, and people would ask, "Are they quadruplets (quintuplets)?"

 

I would sometimes say yes just to give them something to think about for the next few weeks.

[joannqn]

I just had my fourth and don't get a lot of comments, or maybe I just don't notice them. I tend to be oblivious to things like evil glares when nursing in public.

 

DH's answer to how many we're going to have is "all of them." His answer to do you know what causes that is "I think it's the water."

 

I've been asked several times if I'm going to have more. I either say that I don't know or I mention that we do have another seat available in the van.

[Loupelou]

Congratulations!

 

I'm always amazed how many people even think it's their business, let alone their right to comment about another person's family size. We used to live in Washington State and it was a lot worse there. We got a lot of comments, especially when we finally had a boy with #5, all the stuff about quitting now that we got our boy, and dh has his little buddy. Needless to say when I was pregnant with #6 there were some extremely rude comments made. We moved out to Missouri almost 6 years ago and I kid you not- not one person has ever made a rude comment to us, well, at least not directly! We now have 7- 6 girls and 1 boy. We are asked quite often if they are all ours, usually they comment on how well behaved the kids are or how great it is to see such a big family.

 

I guess the only thing I can suggest is to develop a thick skin. Unfortunately, the types of people who make the rude comments will not be dissuaded by logic or politeness. Anyone who would question your motives for having children in such a base manner isn't enlightened enough to appreciate the nuances of a well-timed comeback.:D

[Pretty in Pink]

Haven't read the other responses...

 

"Wow, you've really got your hands full..."

"Nah, a handful would be five!"

 

"Don't you know what causes that?!"

"Yes, and we enjoy it!"

 

"Are you guys Catholic or something?"

"No, just naughty Protestants...";) (I may have gotten that one here...)

[WistfulRidge]

I only have one baby right now, but DH and I plan on having many, many more and already I'm getting tired of the stunned/shocked responses that either turn into a)awkward silence or b)some form of lecture when I respond to the question "How many more are you going to have?" (As many as God will give us) or when they find out I'm not on bc.

 

I'm also the oldest of 6 children and it got really annoying as a kid to hear "You have so many kids!" "Don't you know about bc?" "You stallion, you!" etc directed at my parents.

 

I've loved reading all these comebacks though :) I'm storing them away for the next time someone annoys me with their questions...

[Loupelou]

I would sometimes say yes just to give them something to think about for the next few weeks.

 

:lol::lol: That's awesome!

 

My dh and my brother were taking a walk with our infants recently and were accosted by a lovely older woman who asked them if they had adopted and if the girls were twins. My dh was so embarrassed he blurted out "We're not together!", that wasn't even the best part though. Our daughters are 4 months apart and my SIL is Korean, the two girls couldn't look more different! Needless to say, dh won't go walking again with my brother unless I'm along too!:D

[CalicoKat]

Here is a funny response, by one of my friends. I have never had this questions posed to me, but I think I would give the answer my friend did.

 

Lady at checkout - "Wow are all those kids yours"

My friend - "Why yes" (she is pregnant with number 4)

Lady at checkout - " Don't you know what causes that"

My friend - "I sure do and boy is he good at it"

END OF CONVERSATION

 

I wish I had her comeback ability :)

 

Oh MY -- wiping coffee off my screen!!! :lol:

 

ballsy. gusty. hilarious. I like your friend.

[CalicoKat]

I just had my fourth and don't get a lot of comments, or maybe I just don't notice them. I tend to be oblivious to things like evil glares when nursing in public.

 

DH's answer to how many we're going to have is "all of them." His answer to do you know what causes that is "I think it's the water."

 

I've been asked several times if I'm going to have more. I either say that I don't know or I mention that we do have another seat available in the van.

he should change his answer to (in his best Bart Simpson) unhuh, mmmmmmm.

[mommaduck]

Be the duck. The duck is me. I am the duck. It all rollls right off the duck.

 

Totally OT...

 

CalicoKat, I LOVE your siggy!

[Quiver0f10]

We have 10. Now that my kids are older it is a lot easier to get out and about so I don't know if I have any real challenges except maybe all the running kids to various events and appointments. It can get overwhelming.

 

As far as comments we have used the "yes we know what causes it and we enjoy it" comment too and it usually stops further comments lol.

[mommaduck]

I heard one family tell an older lady who asked the, "you know what causes that?" with, "No *look puzzled* could you explain it to us?" :D

[LibraryLover]

I have four which is a little unusual here, but not hugely uncommon.

 

Our greatest challenge is financial. Some of things we value and want for our children as they get older (education beyond home, music, experiences etc) don't always come cheaply.

 

I love having a 'big' -ish family. I think large families are 5 kids and more. I don't consider 4 particulary large, just perhaps larger than average.

[johnandtinagilbert]

Here is a funny response, by one of my friends. I have never had this questions posed to me, but I think I would give the answer my friend did.

 

Lady at checkout - "Wow are all those kids yours"

My friend - "Why yes" (she is pregnant with number 4)

Lady at checkout - " Don't you know what causes that"

My friend - "I sure do and boy is he good at it"

END OF CONVERSATION

 

I wish I had her comeback ability :)

Ditto...only I use:

Lady at checkout - "Wow are all those kids yours"

My friend - "Yes"

Lady at checkout - " Don't you know what causes that"

My friend - "Yes, we do and we REALLY like it!"

They blush you just SMILE!:D Big and cheesy grin!

 

So, as for going to the store, each and every time you stop, you remind them, "You may not ask for anything, tell me you want something, say, I really like ____, touch anything, whine or beg. Have them get into "stations." Stations are a corner of the cart. They have to hold on to the corner at all times and stroll along with you.

About 1/3 of the way through the store, find a healthy snack as a reward and put it in the cart for when you get home. Have them help you unload groceries, then they receive the snack.

 

Ballet, etc. really consider if you need to enter the facility. If so, you really just need to plan the extra time. I always estimated 15 min. to unload. That gave me time to strap in, unstrap, pull out the stroller, go back for the diaper bag, etc. I forgot in the car. I did plan to go without them when I could. Not b/c they were poorly behaved, but b/c it was just easier.

 

The large family comments will not stop. People are rude. I was hurt, offended, or in shock for a long time. Now, I just love to be sarcastic. It quiets them quickly and it also brings their ridiculousness to them. I hope they'll get the point and never mention it to anyone else again.

 

Wow! How can you afford all those kids? We can't, but God can. He has always provided our needs.

 

Don't you believe in birth control? Don't you believe in getting to know someone before asking such personal questions?

 

I'd be crazy if I had all those kids! (Just make a face like...I feel bad for your kid). Or...I that's what my shrink said and make an odd face to them and start humming.

 

One was enough for me! You'd be surprised at the joy a sibling can bring to a child and the relief it can bring to you. When there's more than one, you're not the center of activity, they have each other.

 

Most people don't mean harm and are clueless they're even being rude.

 

When we announced to family (all dc after 2) I said, "We have something to tell you and we'd appreciate it if you'd keep all negative comments to yourself." They didn't, so when we got pregnant thereafter, we didn't tell them. They came to us and saw I was clearly pg (6months) and said, "We didn't know you were pregnant." and I said, "That's because we didn't want to hear your comments again." They were so uncomfortable with that they never mentioned a word.

 

CONGRATS on the baby! Big families are AWESOME! We love ours and all the joy it brings.

[johnandtinagilbert]

Well, we have 7, so we always get many comments wherever we go. I just smile and say the same responses back to the people. I tell my kids that we may be the only big family some people ever see, so I want them to have a good impression, not a bad impression, of big families. I never liked being the center of attention either, but I will say that it bothers me a lot less than when I just had 4-5. Now it's just the way things are--normal! I would never not take my kids somewhere just because I was worried about responses from strangers!

 

Also, we have had many, many very kind comments from people, ones that have just made my day. Older people like to say nice things to us, especially if they grew up in large families themselves. Many people talk about how rare it is to see big families out and about anymore.

 

We have had to work on sitting quietly in waiting rooms, standing patiently beside shopping carts (we are military and visit our commissary about every 6 weeks where we buy $600-$800 worth of food and sue several carts, so it can be a real challenge), and not being disruptive in restaurants, and so on. We have certainly not achieved perfection in these areas (LOL!), but on the whole I think the kids do well and are a positive advertisement, if you will, for big families.

 

Now my husband is a lot less patient with people, and when he sees people staring, he will stare right back at them as we all waltz on past, or he'll comment loudly to me, "At least no one is gawking!" : ) But it doesn't really bother me anymore!

It is nice to get those comments. We do tend to get them from older people, too.

I love your dh's comment....:lol:

[johnandtinagilbert]

 

"Are you guys Catholic or something?"

"No, just naughty Protestants...";) (I may have gotten that one here...)

Love that!

[AFwife Claire]

My oldest is 23, so I just have four with me most of the time now. When they were younger, I got the "Are you a daycare?" question a lot. I thought it was because not all my kids are the same color (two are adopted).

 

 

One time when I was checking out at Walmart, the cashier asked really casually, as she was running stuff over the scanner, if I "made a lot of money doing that". I was totally confused and asked her what she meant. She just sort of shrugged toward the kids and said, "You know . . . day care." I said, "It's not a day care--they're all mine!" but I was totally shocked. No one had ever before just ASSUMED I was running a day care! And my kids all look VERY similar, especially the 4 oldest, who are all boys with really short military-style haircuts!

[Orthodox6]

I have only four children. Ours is not, then, a "large" family. Ours is the smallest size for "medium". Personally, I consider us to be the "largest size for a small family."

[justamouse]

We have 7 at home and the 15 passenger extended van. So does another family in my town, and we're in the NY metro area.

 

After a while, when they're SO GOOD in the Dr.s office, and SO GOOD waiting in lines, polite, good in stores and such, you start to get looks of admiration, not judgment. Everyone at stores and offices love my kids. Seriously.

 

And we still get the sex comments a lot. I smile and wink. Or I tell them that they must be doing it wrong. I lost all shame years ago. :tongue_smilie:

 

My favorite is when they start counting as we walk past and I tell them that a few are at a friends house, or that this isn't even all of them.

 

It's like this-Be Proud. And the only person who can let them take that from you is you-so don't let them.

 

I think I have more huge families around me than most, though, because around here it's almost normal. (Northern NJ)

[TKDmom]

Thanks for the encouragement. :D Right now I'm just nervous about logistics of getting around with a new baby in addition to my older kids--two of which are rather prone to wandering off and not hearing me (they have selective hearing). For the most part, they are pretty good, though. I took everyone to my OB appt last week. I was about to pull my hair out b/c they were stubbornly refusing to do much of anything I asked. But they were quietly defiant. Afterward, the receptionist was telling me how good my kids were and what a great parent I am. LOL. Whatever.

 

I've actually only gotten the comment of, "You know what causes that?" once. And before I could respond, the woman who asked laughed and told me she has seven kids. So I forgave her.

Edited August 11, 2009 by bonniebeth4

[Impish]

I don't consider us a 'large' family, but some do.

 

One of the funniest things happened when I was pregnant with Princess. I had a dayhome at the time, and minded a little girl a month older than Tazzie, who was 16 mths old. Honestly, they looked like they could be sibs, both blonde and blue eyed.

 

So, I have them in the tandem stroller and go into Tim Hortons. I could hear a table of older ladies commenting.

 

"Wow, she's pregnant again!"

"It must be some sort of religious thing."

"That poor woman!"

"What if its twins again?"

So, me being me, as we were leaving looked right at them, smiled widely, and said, "Actually, the dr says its quads this time!" and watched coffee come out of one of their noses :D:lol:

[TKDmom]

I don't consider us a 'large' family, but some do.

"Wow, she's pregnant again!"

"It must be some sort of religious thing."

"That poor woman!"

"What if its twins again?"

So, me being me, as we were leaving looked right at them, smiled widely, and said, "Actually, the dr says its quads this time!" and watched coffee come out of one of their noses :D:lol:

 

:lol: Oh my belly hurts! You're not supposed to make me laugh that hard!

[johnandtinagilbert]

I don't consider us a 'large' family, but some do.

 

One of the funniest things happened when I was pregnant with Princess. I had a dayhome at the time, and minded a little girl a month older than Tazzie, who was 16 mths old. Honestly, they looked like they could be sibs, both blonde and blue eyed.

 

So, I have them in the tandem stroller and go into Tim Hortons. I could hear a table of older ladies commenting.

 

"Wow, she's pregnant again!"

"It must be some sort of religious thing."

"That poor woman!"

"What if its twins again?"

So, me being me, as we were leaving looked right at them, smiled widely, and said, "Actually, the dr says its quads this time!" and watched coffee come out of one of their noses :D:lol:

I had a friend that was a foster parent. We used to spend a lot of time together when I was pg. w. ds#1. Everytime we were in the mall together, I'd hear a comment about me and my black babies -- all the fosters were black and here I was full and pg...once someone actually said out loud that I shouldn't be able to have anymore babies b/c she was sure I was on welfare!

 

I wish I could have made someone send the coffee through their noses...classic!

[1bassoon]

My favorite comeback line I got from a friend of mine:

 

"Wow, your hands are sure full!"

 

"Better full than empty!" said with big smile.

 

If they're older, they usually smile and remark how true that is.

 

I get comments much less frequently since we moved to the South, fwiw.

 

Enjoy!

[nukeswife]

I admire all of you ladies with 4 or more. I have 3 and although DH and I decided it's a good size for us, sometimes I would love to have more but alas we can't (dh had the big snip) We still get comments where we live (having more than 2 means your nutters), unless we're at the commissary or at a Navy function then we get a lot of "Wow you have a small family" Seems that a lot of military families are what the world considers "Large" especially the Navy families. Must be all those post-deployment homecomings LOL:tongue_smilie:

[Cindy in C-ville]

I tended to get more comments when mine were all little and I was pregnant - again. (We had six children w/in 7 years, so I literally was ALWAYS pregnant.) Now with them all older, we still get comments, just not quite as many. Most people assume some of them are friends of my children. Still, I wanted a license plate that said "ALLOURS," but it was taken. However, I already have our new license plate ordered. Our current says 6XBLSD, but our new one once Katya comes home will say LVNOUR7. :)

[mommylawyer]

I'm expecting #4 as well and the comments have been rolling in.

 

I've recently had the "Do you know what causes it?" question and found the courage to say, "Yes, and we REALLY enjoy it." The embarrassed look on the asker's face was priceless - but maybe she should be embarrassed. She asked a very personal question! (I explained that to some of my coworkers who witnessed the exchange after the asker left.)

 

And, just today, with me standing proudly at his side, someone made a comment to my husband about us being pregnant again. His response was, "That's what we do since we don't have cable/satellite."

[AFwife Claire]

Our van is "JoyX7". When we were trying to figure out a good plate, we tried many different things, and I was surprised at how many big family ones were taken! (You're in VA, right? So are we.)

[MamaSheep]

You ladies crack me up! My parents had seven and I miss the "large" family atmosphere I grew up in. (But not the rude comments from others.) I like the support system it has formed for us as adults. I wish I could give that to my kids. I always wanted a big family, the bigger the better. I got an "interesting" family instead (though we're still hoping for a couple more). Things don't always go the way we wish for. I had such good lines ready to use too. Ahem:

 

Them: "Don't you know what causes that?"

Me: "Yes of course, don't you? There are lots of books out there if you need instructions."

 

Them: "Don't you have a TV?"

Me: "No, there's too much sex on TV."

 

Them: "How many are you planning to HAVE?"

Me: "Well I can see why your parents wanted to stop, but we consider our children a blessing and we'll take all the blessings we can get."

 

Whaddya think? Pity I don't get to use them.

 

Instead I get comments about how "lucky" I was to get a boy and then a girl so I could stop. Stop? Who wants to stop? It isn't as if I "stopped" on purpose. Nor was the "smart" 5 year gap my idea of a good plan.

 

So for those of you who can and do? I say good on ya! Keep up the good work.

[Susan in TN]

Here is a funny response, by one of my friends. I have never had this questions posed to me, but I think I would give the answer my friend did.

 

Lady at checkout - "Wow are all those kids yours"

My friend - "Why yes" (she is pregnant with number 4)

Lady at checkout - " Don't you know what causes that"

My friend - "I sure do and boy is he good at it"

END OF CONVERSATION

 

I wish I had her comeback ability :)

 

I used a similar one at dh's work Christmas dinner "...yes, that's the fun part!" I realized later that I had been speaking with the CEO of the company. :tongue_smilie:

 

In terms of kids activities and shopping, I do a lot of dropping off - sometimes the rest of us just stay in the car until the activity is over. My oldest is old enough to babysit for a while, so I often run to the store during the day while the younger ones are taking a nap. When all 6 are with me, I make sure everyone under the age of 6 is secured into a cart or stroller. I never, ever, ever let kids eat at the grocery store unless it is a clearly displayed sample. No tasting grapes (not even myself), no opening packages before purchasing (we only use things after they have been purchased.) And, the constant montra "sorry, it's not on the list today, honey."

[lauracolumbus]

FWIW, there are some of us quietly envying you and your big families. I would absolutely love to have more kids, but can't. So, for every sarcastic, too personal inquiry, remember those of us who would likewise love to be blessed w/your wonderful brood.

 

Laura

[Momto5]

I agree it can be very tiring to always feel judged, looked at, etc when out with a large family. Two things have worked for me:

 

1. I always assume the person asking is asking in the kindest possible way, even if they are asking in a questionable tone of voice or it is clear they are being negative. I have found that responding in a very positive way makes me feel better. I feel so blessed to have the children I have and feel sad when people see children as a burden.

 

2. My response to people's questions and comments are not for the benefit of the questioner (who I usually do not know). My response is for the benefit of my children. Your children will be listening to your response. Perhaps come up with a response that your children will see as affirming. For example, "Are they all yours?" my response "Yes, I am so blessed and wouldn't trade any of them for the world." "Are you done?" my response: "My children are so wonderful and such blessings, I would always welcome another such lovely soul."

 

Having just re-read what I wrote I feel it sounds rather sanctimonious. :001_smile: It's really not intended that way. You must find the way to deal with unwelcome comments that fits with who you are and allows you to leave such encounters behind.

 

Congratulations!!

[Plucky]

Oh, yes, I remember those comments. Being pregnant with #4 was hard. It really was crossing some kind of line for people. I love having 4 kids though. You will, too. Four is perfection! IMHO.

[BakersDozen]

FWIW, there are some of us quietly envying you and your big families. I would absolutely love to have more kids, but can't. So, for every sarcastic, too personal inquiry, remember those of us who would likewise love to be blessed w/your wonderful brood.

 

Thank you for posting this. I notice the looks on the faces of women whom I encounter that show a longing for what I have and my heart goes out to them. That is just one reason I don't get irked by comments because if my big family is the reason for someone else's rudeness then I am thrilled to have that reason.

[johnandtinagilbert]

Them: "Don't you have a TV?"

Me: "No, there's too much sex on TV."

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[1bassoon]

OK, this thread makes me actually WANT someone to ask "Don't you know what causes that?"

 

Probably won't happen. But man am I ready!

[LibraryLover]

The only comment I ever got when I was preg and already had 3 littles, was "You sure have your hands full!" I liked that one. It was true that I did. I always responded, "Sometimes you get what you wish for!" I have a child who is not white, (gifted to me through adoption) and I am very white, lol, and guess we were lucky not to get any nasty comments. So many years later, that is still true. Which makes me never want to move.

Edited August 12, 2009 by LibraryLover

[HeatherLynn]

When asked "Don't you know what causes that" I used to ALWAYS say "No, what?" with a puzzled look. :P Now that the older ones are bigger, I just don't get that one anymore (yet).

 

My friend has a GREAT one. She has 4 under 5 and when someone tells her "You sure have your hands full" she replies with "Oh, you should see my heart".

[tricia]

I have 12 children and it is not abnormal for me to have up to 10 children at a time with me when I go somewhere. But the norm is 7 or 8 depending on the day and what's going on. Here are a few of my responses.

 

Haven't you ever heard of "family planning?"

 

Sure, I planned a family and now I'm having it!!

 

OR

 

Don't you know what causes this?

 

Yes, but I keep telling my dh to stop washing our underwear together. But he doesn't listen.

 

OR

 

What are you trying to do? Populate the whole world all by yourself?

 

Somebody's got to do it.

 

OR

 

So are you going to have anymore?

 

Well, we're always working on it!!

 

But you know what? Who cares? I am so beyond that. What's weird. Is like when I see someone who has decided to stop having children at 2 kids, 3, 5 or whatever. I could CARE LESS. Honestly, why should I care how many kids someone else has. So WHY should anyone care how many I have? Maybe I should think up some tiny family remarks to match all the large family ones!! What do you think? But as my hubby always reminds me. Two wrongs do not make a right.

[eight_gregorys]

You guys are so cute. I try not to get frustrated with those questions. It just seems like everyone asks the same thing. I always love when people are sweet and compliment my kids. A week or two ago the kiddos and I were in the commissary and an older woman stopped me while the bagger was putting my groceries in the car. She asked if she could tip the bagger for me and told me how awesome my kids were in the store. Then she told me that she had 6 kiddos as well and how they were all grown and she missed those crazy days of taking them all grocery shopping.

 

It's always older people who give the compliments and are nice. I guess people today just can't imagine being able to afford having 6 children.

Then again, I have had several people ask me why in the world I would want to homeschool because then I would have to be around my kids all the time. :confused: Those comments always baffle me. I don't always "like" my kids. They do drive me nuts sometimes, but I could never imagine saying that about my babies.

 

One of the previous posters had a good point about just thinking that everyone asking questions is doing so in a positive way. Sometimes it's just so hard to not get frustrated when everywhere we go it's the same exact thing.

 

I'll have to work on that because I know I have the tendency to be a smarty pants.

[PineFarmMom]

I had a lot more negative comments with #4 than I do now being pg with #5. Oddly, everyone is very supportive and kind. I think #4 is the baby that moves you out of the "acceptable" # of children. #5, well, I'm 2 past the acceptable mark. ;) I think my skin is thicker than it used to be and I always assume people will see this baby as the blessing we see him/her as. I may be wrong, but if I am, it's nice to be oblivious to the judgments. :lol: