If someone asked you to hs their dc...

[PineFarmMom]

I have been approached by someone asking if I will homeschool their dc next year. From my understanding, at this point, the child (in elementary school) is being approached by gangs and starting to hang with the wrong crowd...it's only a matter of time until things go downhill further for him. I've heard it from more than just the parents/relatives. This is the third instance I've heard of trouble lurking for this child. I have a heart for the him, as does dh, and we both have a good repoire with him.

 

I know that I have a hard enough time keeping up with the demands of my own kids and homeschooling them. My 3rd child will be starting k next year. I'm not an organizational genius like many homeschool moms seem to be, and I know that my own shortcomings make me feel it would be difficult at best to do a good job for everyone. I also know my first priority has to be to my own family. Dh feels the same. So the answer is no. Plus dh says he feels that there is only a certain amount of good we can do for him and that the rest will have to be done in their home...I agree.

 

I look on and I see some areas of change that could make a difference for him. They haven't asked for my advice, just that I homeschool the child. Do you just say no and keep your mouth shut or say, hey, if you did xyz some things might change here?? BTW, I haven't told them no yet, but intend to this week...I've just been praying and thinking over this for a week or so now. Thoughts?

[jujsky]

I don't think I could take on another child who wasn't my own. The only way I would consider it would be if they were the same age and ability level as my children (mine are 13 months apart and doing the same work, so planning isn't a chore) and if they were willing to use the same curriculum we are using. Even then, I would have reservations about doing it. Part of the reason we homeschool is so we can be on our own schedule. If we feel like taking the occasional day off, we do. We tend to take vacations off of the school schedule, and right now we only do school 4 days/week -- including a day on the weekend. I don't see how it would work in my situation.

 

I'm glad you realize your limitations and are willing to tell this family quickly. I do think that you should tactfully offer some advice if you see areas where you think your suggestions could help. Obviously this family trusts your judgment or they wouldn't be asking you to undertake the enormous task of educating their child, so I would imagine your advice would be welcomed.

[Renee in NC]

I did once, but it was not a good situation. It lasted 6 months and he didn't do anything that entire time. His mom wouldn't make him and he didn't see me as an authority.

 

If I were to do it again, it would be with clearly laid out expectations and payment (at least for the books - she never even paid me for those.)

[Impish]

Different areas have different requirements. I'd be checking if its even legal for you to hs a child that isn't yours. Some areas require that you have a teaching cert if you're hs someone else's child, I believe.

 

You might want to research that, and perhaps point them in the direction of a hsing group that they might find someone that does hs other children as well as their own, and is legally able to do so. I know of a hsing mom in my area that does so, she's a former teacher, and she supplements her family income by hsing a few other children. That may give them an option to pursue even though you're unable to hs their child.

 

Personally, potential legal requirements aside, I couldn't hs other children full time. I have my hands full with my own kidlets. Host a biology class? Sure! Love to! But not teach every day. Ack! Sounds too much like work to me :lol: I enjoy the flexibility and staying in our pjs and pick up and go that we have. Plus, with the exception of SpecialMama's dc, and a few others, I don't enjoy other ppl's kids...esp not on a full time basis.

 

I would give them the info on other ways to find someone to hs their child, plus the suggestions you may have altogether...that way its not just a no, but also helping them to find a solution.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I would tell them that you had a few ideas that might help if they are interested. Let them come to you past that.

[Brindee]

Yes, I was wondering about how much they are willing to pay, and how they would pay. I'd think about it if I made enough to make it worthwhile. I'd also make stipulations on what he and they would be required to do, and have them sign a form for amount of payment, and following the guidelines agreed upon. That way if they start flaking, you can terminate the whole thing.

 

I took on a 5yo to do day care/K for this school year, as the K they were going to send her to closed the last minute! They couldn't afford that much, but it still helped with expenses and things. That said, this is her last week and we are ready to move on. She's a very good girl, but it does change the family dynamics. I'd have to make a lot more and have a child closer in age that could do the same work, to do that again!

 

Actually though, our mandatory reporting age is 8, so I don't think I can even have older kids. I could do her because she's under that age. I'd also check the laws in your state. That could be one reason you could tell them why you can't homeschool their son. And when I tell them that, I WOULD make other suggestions, since they brought the problem to you!

[Heather in Neverland]

If it were legal, if the pay was worth it, if I made the decisions (curriculum), if the mom enforced my decisions...yes.

[elegantlion]

Personally I would not. Our curriculum and vibe of our school is pretty much centered on my ds abilities and our educational philosophy. I think it would be hard to mesh another child into that, even if they had a similar style.

 

I know "I" would not handle the added stress of another child well and would decline.

 

I would tell them no and perhaps advise them only if asked.

[amy g.]

I did it for 3 years, and though I got frustrated at times, I would do it again if another oppertunity presented itself.

[katilac]

I would not offer any additional advice. Generally, the steps that should be taken to protect or reign in a child are quite obvious - - it's just that people really don't want to do the heavy lifting.

 

Unless there is something that is both really obscure and potentially very helpful, I'd say nope, best wishes, lotsa luck.

[Ellie]

Is there a parent at home full-time? Then the answer would be NO (unless there are extenuating circumstances, such as the full-time-at-home parent being chronically ill). They can teach their own dc, for goodness' sake.

 

They're asking you to homeschool a child who is in trouble (or potential trouble) at school? Then the answer is NO.

 

At this point, my advice would be to tell the parents that you regret that you wouldn't be able to homeschool but that you'd be glad to help if they decided to homeschool. I wouldn't touch the other stuff unless they ask you outright and you're relatively sure they really want to know.

 

Oh, and yes, it's *probably* legal in Texas.

[Garga]

The leader of our homeschool co-op hs's a child not her own. It's called tutoring. In PA there are laws about who can be a tutor. (The co-op leader happens to have a teaching degree, so it's legal for her.) Depends on all the personalities involved. It would have to be treated like a job and all the issues like curriculum and homework, etc, worked out ahead of time, with a caveat that the rules could be changed as needed. I'd do it if it were legal for me to do so and if it paid enough.

[MamaT]

There is no way I would homeschool a child that wasn't mine. I don't think I could stand the added stress, or fitting another child into the way we do things around here.

 

I wouldn't offer the parents advice unless they asked for it.

[Peek a Boo]

If it were legal, if the pay was worth it, if I made the decisions (curriculum), if the mom enforced my decisions...yes.

 

:iagree:

 

Yes, it's legal in TX. You'd have to check w/ childcare laws tho. [Joanne?]

 

I'd do it.

Especially if the kid was getting DRAGGED into trouble as opposed to CAUSING trouble.

I'd reserve the right to kick them out tho.

 

and yes, I'd offer them any advice to help them help their child.

[Peela]

I did homeschool another child for a year. He was the same age as my oldest. However there were lots of little tihngs that irked me- like the fact that we base so much of our homeschooling around reading books, and this kid was a reluctant reader. I read to my kids at night- and considered it part of their schooling- but his mum didnt. It fell apart because I sent him home for holidays with a book that he had been reading all term, and he had only a few chapters left and I asked him to finish the book. He didnt want to, so his mum backed him up and said I was being too hard on him. He hadnt read a complete book all year. That was the moment it was clear, this wont work, and I said 'no more'. So, trust yourself in your feeling to say no. Its not easy to homeschool someone else's kid- and I was paid a little, and the mother was keen, apparently....but different families have different values. This kid did go off the rails and the mum eventually had to be much stricter- and lo and behold, she instigated nightly reading time.

I would just gently suggest to the mum of your kid that you have a few ideas if she is interested and leave it at that. I now know what its like trying to help people who don't really realise how much they need help. They have to really want your advice.

[Tabrett]

I would love to HS another child if-

 

1. They were the same grade as one of my own dc.

2. They were not coming out of public/private school because of discipline problems.

3. They agreed to use the same curriculum as my dc and buy needed supplies.

4. Child was picked up after school was over (HS'ing is NOT a child care service!).

5. I was paid (obviously).

 

I've actually though about doing that this next school year, but don't know how to find a child. I think my oldest 5yo would benefit from having another dc to work with. I'm not sure it is legal in SC either.

[plansrme]

but I would limit that advice to "here are some other ways you can find someone to HS your child or get started on doing it yourself." If you've never homeschooled, it can be intimidating trying to find information about the options and resources that are available. I recently had a woman stop me in a restaurant (my kids were doing math while we waited on our order), practically begging for information on how to get started. I wrote out a list of websites and resources for her on a napkin. Lots of people have asked where I find curriculum. Of course we all know there's curriculum everywhere, and it can be cheap and accessible (or it can not be cheap), but clearly not everyone does.

 

So yes, I would encourage the homeschooling even if you're not the one to do it. I might refrain from offering general child rearing advice, but that would depend on my relationship with the parents.

 

By the way, homeschooling someone else's child is legal in GA also, as long as the parent is qualified (high school graduate).

 

Terri

[amy g.]

When I did this, my frustrations were very very much like Peela's.

 

The child I taught could not name a single letter when he came to me as a 5 year old. He could not sit through a simple picture book, because he had never been read to. He had a TV in his room, and watched Power Ranger after Power Ranger video late into the night. He had also never heard a single Bible story-not even Noah's Ark. He only ate sugar and chemical-filled foods.

 

I felt a very strong call to help this child, and not bury my talents. By the Spring of that year, he was reading on a 4th grade level. His math level was much higher. In spite of his environment, he is very very smart.

 

If he did something that I believed needed to be punished, like writing on my walls, I would ask his mom to make him go that evening without TV or video games. She never would do it, and I felt like I was doing so much for her kid, but she wasn't willing to ante up on her end. I taught him for 3 years until I moved away. I'm still close to the mother and the child. He was able to skip a grade when he went to private school, but the mom ended up taking him out, and blaming the other kids for her son's behavior. He is now in public school, where he is in the low track of classes, but not much is required from either him or his mother.

 

In hindsight, I think I could have avoided most of my own problems if I had been more mature about the situation. If I had it to do over, I would consider it a contract between me and God. I would do my part when he was with me, and trust God to fill in the gaps at home. I would be much more respectful of his mother's right to parent as she sees fit. In spite of the problems, I'm very glad that I taught him. I think the strong foundation he received at my house is going to help him for the rest of his life.

[Kari C in SC]

Well, I just offered to do this for my niece and nephew. Their mom died 6 years ago and up until now - their other aunt has been homeschooling them (and their other brothers and sister). Since the economy tanked, my brother-in-law could not afford to pay her the sizable full time salary he was doing. So, she had to get a job. Truthfully, I think the job was a great thing for her because she literally gave up most of her life to care for her brother's family. This is a great opportunity for her to make a life for her own. Anyway, off track. That leaves 4 kids left at home to school. Two are juniors in high school next year and the younger two will be in 6th and 7th grade. My dd will be in 6th and my ds will be in K. So... I thought and thought about it and finally offered to homeschool the younger two since they are around my dd's age and I could combine a lot. I asked for $125 a week because, honestly, money is tight right now. I haven't heard back from my brother-in-law yet, but I am really hoping this works out. I can't imagine them going to school and if I have to I will probably do it for free. I am so nervous, but know I made the right decision in putting the offer out there.

[ereks mom]

If it were legal, if the pay was worth it, if I made the decisions (curriculum), if the mom enforced my decisions...yes.

 

:iagree:

 

I did it once (for two years) when ER was in 1st & 2nd grades. It got old though, because the child I taught in addition to ER was nowhere near his capability level, so I felt like I was giving the other kid so much more of my attention and giving ER busy work instead of letting him work at his own pace. I learned a lot though, and now I'm considering doing it again now that ER has graduated and EK will be entering high school.

[JFSinIL]

No. And if they persist - point out that you can support THEIR homeschooling their child. You will recommend good materials to use - lend stuff, even. Note that what you have your hands full with your own kids, and you do not want to short-change any child's education by taking on more than you can handle.

 

Besides which, the fee you would charge for daily home-tutoring ;) would be more than one of them would make in a day, so they might as well stay home and do it themselves (ok, I would only think the last bit, not say it).

[Pamela H in Texas]

I already answered, but I did it based on you already made your decision not to take this child, but wanted to offer some advice.

 

Anyway, but I have taken in a few children to homeschool. Currently, I have a 6yo who was kicked out of school. I'm looking forward to summer break (he's going to daycare), but I don't regret taking him really. We had a rough first few weeks but things have evened out. He just needed some REALLY good firm discipline and some time to get used to actually having to do school (his previous school didn't want to deal with him so he didn't have to work there).

 

Anyway, so I don't necessarily say "no" automatically just because the kid is in trouble. Sometimes a bit more love, structure, discipline, etc is what a kid needs.

[bugs]

I did homeschool another child for a year. He was the same age as my oldest. However there were lots of little tihngs that irked me- like the fact that we base so much of our homeschooling around reading books, and this kid was a reluctant reader. I read to my kids at night- and considered it part of their schooling- but his mum didnt. It fell apart because I sent him home for holidays with a book that he had been reading all term, and he had only a few chapters left and I asked him to finish the book. He didnt want to, so his mum backed him up and said I was being too hard on him. He hadnt read a complete book all year. That was the moment it was clear, this wont work, and I said 'no more'. So, trust yourself in your feeling to say no. Its not easy to homeschool someone else's kid- and I was paid a little, and the mother was keen, apparently....but different families have different values. This kid did go off the rails and the mum eventually had to be much stricter- and lo and behold, she instigated nightly reading time.

I would just gently suggest to the mum of your kid that you have a few ideas if she is interested and leave it at that. I now know what its like trying to help people who don't really realise how much they need help. They have to really want your advice.

 

Well this sounds just like my current situation. My other child didn't come to me with much reading under his belt even though he's in 7th grade. I was shocked at how minimal his vocabulary is/was. He is a good boy, just not used to having to work on his own and read a lot. Though his mother does want the best for him she doesn't always provide the right environment (though nothing harmful)- - I have had to get angry at her to change the way she did things at home with him. I did say I would homeschool him again next year while he's in 8th grade. High school years - I doubt it.

 

I have found that though I thought I was getting a child who was at the same grade level as my oldest he really is one to two grade levels behind and therefore takes a lot more of my time.

 

The benefit of homeschooling another child is that it keeps me on task a little better than without him. I am task oriented as it is but this ramps it up a notch.

[JWSJ]

I would wonder why a parent would ask me to have such an important role in their child's life when they themselves are not up to the challenge.

 

I can't imagine asking someone else to homeschool my own child.

[HollyDay]

First off, does your state law allow this situation? If not, then the problem is solved.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I would wonder why a parent would ask me to have such an important role in their child's life when they themselves are not up to the challenge.

 

hmmm, don't MOST parents, like 96% of them, ask someone else (or a few someone elses) to have this important role in their child's life?

[Peek a Boo]

hmmm, don't MOST parents, like 96% of them, ask someone else (or a few someone elses) to have this important role in their child's life?

 

 

LOL! yeah. seems kinda obvious to me too.

[2cents]

I would never do it. I had a short experience (very short) once along these lines and it was horrible. The child wouldn't listen to me and had a very different work ethic and manners than mine. It was difficult to discipline the child and they became a bad influence on mine. So long story short...the experience left me with more problems than I began with. You also run the risk of being blamed for any and all academic shortcomings the child experiences in the future whether you are to blame or not. My advice....Don't do it! Limit your involvement to an occasional suggestions only.

[JWSJ]

hmmm, don't MOST parents, like 96% of them, ask someone else (or a few someone elses) to have this important role in their child's life?

 

No. The woman asked the OP to homeschool her child.

 

I wouldn't call "brick and mortor" schooling homeschooling.

 

Homeschooling is fundamentally different than traditional school in my experience.

[Catwoman]

I asked for $125 a week because, honestly, money is tight right now. I haven't heard back from my brother-in-law yet, but I am really hoping this works out. I can't imagine them going to school and if I have to I will probably do it for free. I am so nervous, but know I made the right decision in putting the offer out there.

 

I think $125 is an incredibly reasonable fee! That's cheaper than a part-time babysitter!

 

Will you have to provide any meals or school supplies? If so, you could end up losing money on this deal.

 

I know this isn't the same thing as hsing a stranger's kids so the money may not be as important to you, but you'll be assuming a lot of responsibility, doing a lot of work, spending a lot of time, and also having less one-on-one time with your own kids, so please be sure you're getting paid enough money to make it worthwhile for you.

 

Personally, I would never hs one child for $125 per week, let alone two of them. I think your brother should offer to pay you a lot more than that. (Sorry -- I don't mean to start trouble, but it seems like you're not valuing your time as much as you should be!)

 

Cat

[Lovedtodeath]

I would not be able to. I am too much of a flake. (I am slowly recovering from PPD that has destroyed any sense of discipline or structure that we had, and there wasn't much there to begin with.) It would be my dream come true if I could get a grip and handle it. How is that for honesty?

 

In Indiana a private school does not need to be accredited, and hsing is considered the same as a private school, totally legal.

Edited May 28, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[Peek a Boo]

No. The woman asked the OP to homeschool her child.

 

I wouldn't call "brick and mortor" schooling homeschooling.

 

Homeschooling is fundamentally different than traditional school in my experience.

 

No--

your statement was

"I would wonder why a parent would ask me to have such an important role in their child's life

when they themselves are not up to the challenge."

 

the challenge of what??

of making sure their child is educated??

what makes the distinction so different between asking a school to educate your child vs asking an individual to educate your child?

 

The only "fundamental" difference I can see is that homeschooling is probably more effective and eliminates the negative socialization of an institutional option.

 

Why is it ok for parents to pass the buck on education to a brick n mortar school, but it's somehow unethical or wrong for a parent to pass the buck on education to a possibly willing individual?

[mommaduck]

I was asked to do this at one time as well. I turned them down.

 

1) the travel time and parents work schedule would have thrown our family schedule off

2) I was not going to cause myself any future legal issues

3) the family wanted me to homeschool their child because neither parent wanted to quit their good paying job, they were hoping for a cheaper deal than they were paying for private school, and the money situation wasn't such that they couldn't afford for one parent at home, it's that they wanted all their fun toys, vacations, and to continue their house remodeling.

4) we weren't on the same page in our religious beliefs, though I don't think these parents cared what I believed or taught.

[JFSinIL]

A tutor gets what? $40 and hour? Say you charge $20 per hour (sine after all you will also be teaching your own kids, too, not devoting yourself to this child.) If you have him for 5 hours per day...that is $100 per day, $500 per week.

 

Oh - and books and supplies are EXTRA.

[JWSJ]

Why is it ok for parents to pass the buck on education to a brick n mortar school, but it's somehow unethical or wrong for a parent to pass the buck on education to a possibly willing individual?

 

I think both are acceptable.

 

It's a personal decision.

[JWSJ]

what makes the distinction so different between asking a school to educate your child vs asking an individual to educate your child?

 

A school's priority is to educate. An individual has many different priorities.

 

The only "fundamental" difference I can see is that homeschooling is probably more effective and eliminates the negative socialization of an institutional option.

 

Yes, those are some of the good differences.

[bugs]

A tutor gets what? $40 and hour? Say you charge $20 per hour (sine after all you will also be teaching your own kids, too, not devoting yourself to this child.) If you have him for 5 hours per day...that is $100 per day, $500 per week.

 

Oh - and books and supplies are EXTRA.

 

 

:001_huh: Wow! I am cheap! I charge my friend $150/month (she pays all the books, etc of course). I have a Master's in Teaching, too! Ha! I haven't brought myself to calculate how much I make an hour. But my friend is recently divorced (not her initiation), and she works for a non-profit.

[Kari C in SC]

I think $125 is an incredibly reasonable fee! That's cheaper than a part-time babysitter!

 

Will you have to provide any meals or school supplies? If so, you could end up losing money on this deal.

 

I know this isn't the same thing as hsing a stranger's kids so the money may not be as important to you, but you'll be assuming a lot of responsibility, doing a lot of work, spending a lot of time, and also having less one-on-one time with your own kids, so please be sure you're getting paid enough money to make it worthwhile for you.

 

Personally, I would never hs one child for $125 per week, let alone two of them. I think your brother should offer to pay you a lot more than that. (Sorry -- I don't mean to start trouble, but it seems like you're not valuing your time as much as you should be!)

 

Cat

 

 

I know it is not a lot of money. He was paying my sister-in-law $600 a week to hs 4 kids. She needed a full time job, so he paid her as much as he could. While a lot of extra money would be wonderful, it is not the most important thing to me. I will actually do it for free if I have to, but I would love to make the extra $500 a month to pay for some things we don't have the budget for. My late sil was my best friend. If I were gone and she was here - she would do this for my kids in an instant. I feel like this may be why my life has twisted and turned so much over the last few years. To bring me to live next door and be available for this. As for meals and school supplies... they live next door and can go home for their lunch. He would pay for all the school supplies and curriculum. I still don't have an answer from him. I am hoping to discuss it with him soon.

[Ravin]

If it was a friend, I would consider it. I would expect them to pay for any consumables and curricula I didn't have on hand, as well as a reasonable child care rate at least.

 

Have they considered other options, such as an online-based school? As parents they have to provide supervision, of course, but they get teacher support, etc. If the bad social scene at work is their biggest concern, and they don't have the confidence to be able to do the teaching themselves, it might be the way to go.

 

I would also consider providing childcare and supervision for a child enrolled in an online school.

[Peek a Boo]

A school's priority is to educate. An individual has many different priorities.

========

 

I think both are acceptable.

 

It's a personal decision.

 

 

these two posts seem conflicting.....

 

different priorities, but still acceptable.

 

and the school in many instances is failing miserably in their own priority.

 

The parents are asking an individual that is teaching to consider teaching. Where's the difference in priorities?

 

I mean, i can understand questioning why a parent would ask me to have such an important role in their child's life when they themselves are not up to the challenge if I was a plumber or something, but why would it be questionable for a parent seeking a better sort of education for their child to consider an already-successful situation for that child?

 

i am seriously not understanding your first blanket statement questioning a parent's motives.

 

i understand that one may simply not want to take on the role of teaching --that's a different subject from why a parent would consider finding a private tutor to homeschool their children.

[Peek a Boo]

A tutor gets what? $40 and hour? Say you charge $20 per hour (since after all you will also be teaching your own kids, too, not devoting yourself to this child.) If you have him for 5 hours per day...that is $100 per day, $500 per week.

 

Oh - and books and supplies are EXTRA.

 

No-- a tutor [usually specializing in one topic] that you only use once or twice a week gets that much.

 

Full time teachers don't get that much per student.

In fact, how much does a CERTIFIED full-time teacher get per student? Then take into account that [per the market] you aren't [?] certified to teach every subject.

 

You would be taking on the role of fulltime teacher for every subject, unless you arranged something else w/ the parents.

 

Then look at what a license fulltime childcare provider would be doing --are you meeting those same standards too, or are you doing less than what they might be doing?

 

Now I'm squarely in the camp of but since most teachers wouldn't take on teaching every subject every day, I have some variables in "the market."

But you can't do just a straight comparison between private tutors and full time certified teachers --there's a TON of variables.

 

I say charge what you think you're worth, or what you are willing to accept based on what your heart is telling you. :D