Thoughts on picky eaters....

[Heather in Neverland]

Preface/disclaimer: this topic does NOT include those who have food allergies or disabilities of ANY kind that keeps them from eating certain foods.

 

Having said that....

 

This June we will be doing a mission project in NC before we head off to Malaysia. There will be a group of about 30 of us staying and working together for a week. Each person is picking different things to be in charge of and I am in charge of dinners. I can cook for a large group...no problem and there is another woman helping me.

 

BUT

 

I am already receiving all these emails about how little Johnny won't eat anything except macaroni and cheese and little Joey will ONLY eat potatoes (not a joke). And little Susie won't eat anything green. And on and on.....

 

Last year we went to this same week-long project and we were less organized so meals were sort of a free for all. I was amazed watching a few moms make 3 and 4 different meals to cater to their finicky kids. I just don't get it.

 

I didn't grow up like that. My mom made one meal for dinner and you ate it. You weren't allowed to say you didn't like something unless you had tried it. You were generally expected to eat your meal without complaining. We weren't "forced" to eat things we truly hated but we also weren't allowed to "hate" everything on our plate.

 

My kids have one or two things they really don't like (after having tried them). My one ds won't eat coconut. The other won't eat raisins. I don't like cherries. My dh doesn't like brussel sprouts. But that's about it. Other than that we will pretty much try/eat anything.

 

I understand everyone has some food they really can't stand, but these kids that won't eat anything except hot dogs and their moms who are acting like short order cooks really befuddle me. Their moms say "they won't eat" if they don't make them their special meal. My mom use to tell us "if you get hungry enough you will eat it."

 

I am a little annoyed with trying to come up with things that will please these food divas. Am I just becoming a cranky old lady? :tongue_smilie:

[gardening momma]

I'd just make balanced meals with a meat, starch and veggie, plus a couple extra "bonus" items: bread & jam, jello, salad, and so on (one per meal), with cookies or brownies for dessert, and they can be picky with what's available. It will be their problem if they're hungry after not eating enough from what's offered.

[amy g.]

Well, I'm the world's most picky eater, so I do sympathize with the kids, however I don't think their pickiness should be your problem.

 

My son is a vegetarian, so for Boy Scout camp outs and even week long camp, he takes his own food.

 

If I was cooking for that group, I would try to have kid friendly choices for every meal, for example: grilled cheese or quesadillas or plain buttered noodles with whole fruit so kids can eat the one they like.

 

To the moms who say their kids need special foods, I'd say, "Then you'll need to be in charge of that."

[TammyinTN]

:iagree:

 

This is not a catering service.

[Audrey]

Preface/disclaimer: this topic does NOT include those who have food allergies or disabilities of ANY kind that keeps them from eating certain foods.

 

Having said that....

 

This June we will be doing a mission project in NC before we head off to Malaysia. There will be a group of about 30 of us staying and working together for a week. Each person is picking different things to be in charge of and I am in charge of dinners. I can cook for a large group...no problem and there is another woman helping me.

 

BUT

 

I am already receiving all these emails about how little Johnny won't eat anything except macaroni and cheese and little Joey will ONLY eat potatoes (not a joke). And little Susie won't eat anything green. And on and on.....

 

Last year we went to this same week-long project and we were less organized so meals were sort of a free for all. I was amazed watching a few moms make 3 and 4 different meals to cater to their finicky kids. I just don't get it.

 

I didn't grow up like that. My mom made one meal for dinner and you ate it. You weren't allowed to say you didn't like something unless you had tried it. You were generally expected to eat your meal without complaining. We weren't "forced" to eat things we truly hated but we also weren't allowed to "hate" everything on our plate.

 

My kids have one or two things they really don't like (after having tried them). My one ds won't eat coconut. The other won't eat raisins. I don't like cherries. My dh doesn't like brussel sprouts. But that's about it. Other than that we will pretty much try/eat anything.

 

I understand everyone has some food they really can't stand, but these kids that won't eat anything except hot dogs and their moms who are acting like short order cooks really befuddle me. Their moms say "they won't eat" if they don't make them their special meal. My mom use to tell us "if you get hungry enough you will eat it."

 

I am a little annoyed with trying to come up with things that will please these food divas. Am I just becoming a cranky old lady? :tongue_smilie:

 

 

I would simply come up with well-balanced nutritious menus that vary from day-to-day. I would not make special dishes for people just because they are picky eaters. In a well-balanced nutritious meal, there is usually something palatable for everyone.

 

And if they balk at that... well, they'll eat it when they get hungry. If they moms get huffy about that, tough toots. Let THEM make their own kids' meals.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Audrey

[Danestress]

because they think you are going to cook special things for their children, or are they planning to do that themselves? If they are planning to handle their own children, I guess I would order the hot dogs if they want. But I am not sure I would cook it.

 

I have two very non-picky children and one very very picky child, but the picky child wasn't really catered to and I wouldn't DREAM of asking anyone else to. He would have eaten bread if nothing else. He grew up to be a normal eater.

 

But if I were in charge of this, I might try to plan and order foods of wide general appeal, but I wouldn't sweat it. I also wouldn't assume that their children would be less picky with a different mother who catered less. Some kids are just very very difficult and no amount of perfect mothering probably helps.

 

I also think it's possible that some kids might have problems their parents don't want to share. I'm sure some parents might not want their children "labeled" as mildly Aspergers or having a sensory disorder. They might not feel they owe you an official diagnosis of WHY their child is super picky. So I would try to be really patient about this, but I still wouldn't become the catering queen. You can't make everyone happy all the time.

[Heather in Neverland]

Well, I'm the world's most picky eater, so I do sympathize with the kids, however I don't think their pickiness should be your problem.

 

Just out of curiosity (and in an attempt to be more sympathetic to these kids) how did you become such a picky eater? Was your mom a terrible cook? Were you born that way? Is picky eating a hereditary thing? We just never were given the option of being picky eaters as a kid so I am just trying to understand how these food choices evolve.

[abbeyej]

Ack, I'm horrified! I *do* have a child with severe allergies (though he seems to be outgrowing many of them), and I would *never* ask you to cater specifically to my child! I might, in this case, ask if it were possible for you to supply me with a menu ahead of time, so I could have an idea of how much additional food to bring for him... When he was younger and more seriously allergic to a wider variety of items, I would simply have planned to bring all of his food (and might have contacted you about the facilities, just to make sure I wasn't getting in the way, etc)... But I would never have asked you to plan around my child.

 

I think you need to do what others have suggested: plan good, balanced meals. With a couple of items at each meal (not a couple of entrees -- but anyone can make bread or salad or mashed potatoes or fruit their meal here or there if they don't want whatever else is served)...

 

You need a pat response to the people who say, "Little Jezebel will only eat High Horse Farms white bread with the crusts cut off and Sticky Sweet Strawberry Jam, spread evenly over the whole slice to within 1/4" of the edges"... Perhaps something like, "I'm striving to make a variety of appealing food available to everyone. Unfortunately, I am not able to take special requests. I highly recommend bringing cereal bars or another food alternative for picky children who may choose not to eat what is served."

 

(If it's at all possible to reserve a little fridge and pantry space for people with legitimate dietary needs, so that they can bring their own food as necessary, that would be very nice.)

[amy g.]

My mom was a good cook, and she made some concessions to me. I don't like salad dressing, so she would allow me to get myself a plate before she dressed the salad, but she never made special meals for me or even allowed me to have cereal or something like that instead.

 

Her attitude was, "If you don't like it, don't eat it." My dad took me to Indian Princess camp one summer. He was so freaked out, because I hardly ate all week. My mom just said, "When she is ready to eat, she'll eat."

 

For about 10 years, I had carrots, an orange and a slice of cheese for lunch.

 

Even now, if I have to go to a retreat or something, I'll find that my husband has filled my backpack with crackers and trail mix and oranges in case I can't find anything to eat the entire week.

 

I can't say, "I don't eat fish." or any thing simple like that. I don't eat anything that contains salad dressing, mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, sour cream, hard boiled eggs, or anything similar.

 

I have one daughter who is picky. When she goes to other people's houses, I ask them not to cater to her, but not to force her to eat. at home, I let her be in charge of what she eats, but I make sure not to buy cereal, tortillas, chips or other carby stuff for her to fill up on. If her only choices are what we are eating or raw fruits and vegetables, I figure she won't get too spoiled.

 

When we were talking about my daughter, I told my best friend not to get too frustrated with her, because she gets it from me. My friend had no idea how picky I am, because I've handled it by becoming a very good cook. I always manage to bring the food to every get together, so no one notices that I won't eat what they like to cook.

 

That's why I suggested trying to make things that most kids will like, and letting the moms take care of the kids who will only eat one thing.

 

If you make bake potatoes or tacos, it really helps to put every ingredient in separate bowls, so if someone like my daughter wants only rice and lettuce on hers she can have it. The same goes for spaghetti. Many times, my son could have eaten plain noodles if the cook had not added the meat sauce to the whole batch.

 

I hope that helps.

[littlebug42]

Heather,

 

I have two picky eaters but I can say that in a situation such as yours, I would make my children adapt to the meal and not expect special considerations for my children. If I feel that is absolutely necessary, I would make my own plans for my children.

 

I am a somewhat picky eater and some of it is related to my experiences as a child. My mother is a great cook but our choices were limited as there was not much money. However, we grew veggies etc so I can't imagine denying a green bean. I have however, since I was a child, LOATHED fish/seafood. I have gotten to a point now as an adult where I can choke it down if I have to but it is not something I want to do. My mother did not make me eat anything I didn't like but I was never really served much I didn't like so it wasn't as big of an issue. My husband was forced to eat everything on his plate regardless of whether he liked it or not and in response, he is actually now a pickier eater because he finally has some control. We fall somewhere in the middle. When I plan menus for my picky eaters, I make sure there is something on the menu that everyone likes. Then, if one night my daughter eats nothing by tomatoes and raw carrots, the next night she will tank up on baked chicken breast. I try to look at what they are eating over the course of a week instead of just what is consumed each day. It helps me. We will not make them eat anything they do not like though.

[Heather in Neverland]

We will not make them eat anything they do not like though.

 

Quick question: Do they have to try it first before saying that they do not like it?

[Carol in Cal.]

Just out of curiosity (and in an attempt to be more sympathetic to these kids) how did you become such a picky eater? Was your mom a terrible cook? Were you born that way? Is picky eating a hereditary thing? We just never were given the option of being picky eaters as a kid so I am just trying to understand how these food choices evolve.

 

There are hereditary elements to pickiness. There is a recessive trait called 'taster' that makes some sour or bitter food taste unbelievably intolerable to those who have it. Those who don't can't begin to imagine what the heck the problem is.

 

Some kids just get catered to, and they are very spoiled. Too much restaurant cooking, to much 'your order, please' both at home and away. Those are the ones that can be really, really annoying.

 

But some kids have always had to choke down what was put in front of them, and they just hate so much about food. Every time they ate something they didn't like, they felt nauseated for 2 hours. They grew up and said that never again would they eat something they didn't like. It doesn't have to be 'good' but it has to be 'good enough'.

 

Making kids eat everything you put in front of them solves the 'catered to' problem but does not address the 'choked down' problem.

 

Lastly, there are kids with sensory issues who really have a problem with certain kinds of food. Some grow out of it and some don't. I think that the choking down scenerio is often related to that. I am sure that that is an issue for my own DD, and although I intended to make her eat everything I cooked, but also to cook really good food, I concluded very early that at 10th percentile for weight she would waste away if I made her do that. She eats a healthy, well-balanced diet, albeit a limited one; I encourage her to try new foods, but I don't torture her.

 

I support her in saying 'no thank you' if she doesn't want something, I expect her not to ask for alternative foods, and I expect others to leave her alone about it. That way everyone is being polite. I do warn people that she doesn't eat very much and that she needs to be left alone about that, but that is as far as I go unless pressed. Whenever she goes away, I talk with her in advance about how to deal with food that is unappealing to her and how to make sure that she doesn't starve while she is gone. Frankly, she is aware that this limits her opportunities increasingly as she gets older. I certainly don't expect her to be catered to, but I would not want her to be harassed either.

[Pamela H in Texas]

*I* wouldn't worry about it. You try to make food that is fairly basic to most people and they eat or don't, their problem. To be fair, tell them that you are getting notices about everyone's preferences and you'll try to be kind, but fact is that NO ONE would be capable of meeting everyone's demands. Suggest they bring snacks for times someone in their family won't eat supper.

 

My little friend Gregory is the same way, btw. The child eats very little good for him and is extremely picky. We've had him for 2 weeks now (but have known him forever). He plays this up BIG time with anyone that will play with him. But for us, we've not had much of an issue. We did make the rule that he is not to say "I don't like...." or anything else negative and that he MUST say something positive such as "I really like X" (on his plate) or "thank you for supper." He's already eating things people wouldn't guess he'd eat and being much more positive. I try to be mindful of preferences (for example, I picked up bagels for tomorrow morning) but I'm not catering separately to a child who has just gotten a bit too spoiled when he's perfectly CAPABLE of eating (and ENJOYING!!!) what is put in front of him.

 

(note: Gregory DOES have some sensory issues and such. And I would settle for not liking something he tried--like the tartar sauce the other night. But the majority of the problem is just being spoiled which is what I believe the great majority of picky eaters' problem is. A parent of a kid with some issues with taste/texture/etc can be mindful without creating a monster...and a monster can be tamed :))

 

I wouldn't suggest it to your friends, but maybe some of their kids will become a little less spoiled if they wish to eat on this trip.

Edited May 16, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[Heather in Neverland]

There are hereditary elements to pickiness. There is a recessive trait called 'taster' that makes some sour or bitter food taste unbelievably intolerable to those who have it. Those who don't can't begin to imagine what the heck the problem is.

 

.

 

That is VERY interesting! I had never heard of that.

[Heather in Neverland]

*I* wouldn't worry about it. You try to make food that is fairly basic to most people and they eat or don't, their problem. To be fair, tell them that you are getting notices about everyone's preferences and you'll try to be kind, but fact is that NO ONE would be capable of meeting everyone's demands. Suggest they bring snacks for times someone in their family won't eat supper.

 

My little friend Gregory is the same way, btw. The child eats very little good for him and is extremely picky. We've had him for 2 weeks now (but have known him forever). He plays this up BIG time with anyone that will play with him. But for us, we've not had much of an issue. We did make the rule that he is not to say "I don't like...." or anything else negative and that he MUST say something positive such as "I really like X" (on his plate) or "thank you for supper." He's already eating things people wouldn't guess he'd eat and being much more positive. I try to be mindful of preferences (for example, I picked up bagels for tomorrow morning) but I'm not catering separately to a child who has just gotten a bit too spoiled when he's perfectly CAPABLE of eating (and ENJOYING!!!) what is put in front of him.

 

(note: Gregory DOES have some sensory issues and such. And I would settle for not liking something he tried--like the tartar sauce the other night. But the majority of the problem is just being spoiled which is what I believe the great majority of picky eaters' problem is. A parent of a kid with some issues with taste/texture/etc can be mindful without creating a monster...and a monster can be tamed :))

 

I wouldn't suggest it to your friends, but maybe some of their kids will become a little less spoiled if they wish to eat on this trip.

 

Last year one of the kids made "gagging" noises like he was going to vomit when we put dinner on the table (I can't remember what it was but it was nothing unusual). I seriously had to leave the room because I was so angry.

[Lolly]

I have one of the world's pickiest. Two if you count dh. it seems to be a hereditary thing. They seem to both have extremely sensitive taste buds and noses. Dh can tell you most spices used in a dish by the smell. If he tastes it, he can almost give you the quantities. He is an unbelievable cook. Dd seems to be the same. She hasn't developed her father's talent for naming ingredients yet.

 

I do not cater to dd. She very often makes her own food as we are sitting down to eat. She prefers very bland, barely seasoned foods with NO sauce. As another poster suggested, when possible do not combine foods for the kids. Let them put together their own sandwiches, baked potatoes, salads, and spaghetti in an assembly line fashion. That way, my dd won't have to use so many napkins to wipe the sauce off of her noodles. (She does this with pizza too. Remove cheese and any other toppings, wipe off sauce, replace cheese.) When not at home, she usually just doesn't eat much if anything. Somehow, she manages to survive at camp. I do send a big plastic box full of foods for her that she can eat in her room.

[Lolly]

Last year one of the kids made "gagging" noises like he was going to vomit when we put dinner on the table (I can't remember what it was but it was nothing unusual). I seriously had to leave the room because I was so angry.

 

Just be glad he didn't vomit. One of my dd's used to literally throw-up at the smell of eggs cooking. Now, she just can't eat them. The smell of pickles or cucumbers makes dh puke. A friend was forcing her little ds to take just a taste of something at one meal. He did. He promptly emptied his stomach for about 5 minutes. With some people, this is a truly automatic reaction to smells. They can't help it.

[AlmiraGulch]

I grew up like many of you where there simply wasn't a choice...you ate what was put in front of you, with very few exceptions. Luckily for me, I like almost everything anyway, but I never, ever understood the parents who said "my child won't eat xyz...". My thought was always when I had kids they absolutely would eat what I told them to and that would be that.

 

Then...I had my first daughter. From birth she has been an extraordinarily picky eater. And it's not like she doesn't care for something....she really hates it. In fact, it's almost like she's scared of it somehow. I used to force her and she would cry and cry and cry and meal time was the most stressful time of the day. For YEARS. I would try the "she'll eat it when she gets hungry enough" thing where I'd keep reheating and giving her the same meal when she didn't eat it, but then she would literally go entire weekends eating nothing, and just ate when she went back to school on Mondays. The last time I went through that was a few years ago when she literally vomited after I made her eat a green bean, and I decided right there I'd had enough. This wasn't a phase, and she isn't malnourished or obese. I simply decided I was not going to force feed her anymore because it wasn't worth it.

 

She's almost 13 now, and I definitely don't cater to her, but i don't battle, either. I make what I make for dinner, and she usually makes something else from her VERY limited diet. I make sure she gets protein (through milk and peanut butter, because she can't stand the texture of meat of any sort). She gets fruit, but will only eat apples, bananas or orange juice. She gets plenty of whole wheat through bread, and eats cheese and tomato sauce. Oh.....and cereal. That's about it.

 

It used to freak me out, but the pediatrician says she's fine. I give her a vitamin and hope she'll grow out of it one day.

 

The moral of the story is....you don't really know what you'll do until you're faced with it yourself.

 

P.S. Come to find out....it turns out it MAY be a symptom of Asperger's because apparently Aspie's have sensory issues that can manifest this way. Doesn't make it any less frustrating, though.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Last year one of the kids made "gagging" noises like he was going to vomit when we put dinner on the table (I can't remember what it was but it was nothing unusual). I seriously had to leave the room because I was so angry.

 

Yeah, I can't imagine tolerating that level of disrespect. Sad that parents refuse to parent these days.

 

And for those that claim he may not have just been behaving bratty, I just can't see that. Almost anyone can hold back a gag long enough to run out of the room. I've had some pretty bad gagging fits myself but never in front of a host. And I would apologize in a heartbeat if that ever *did* happen.

 

BTW, I don't believe in force feeding, clean your plate, giving them the same food for meals on end, etc. I did force Gregory one day last week because I had to follow through on what my hubby told him (and it worked out for the best), but I talked to hubby that it shouldn't happen again. I don't believe in hassling a kid over eating and believe it can cause ongoing issues. But a kid doesn't have to be disrespectful just because they don't like something or even can't eat it.

Edited May 16, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[joannqn]

It is reassuring to know that I'm not the pickiest eater in the world. :001_smile: I'm teased by my friends about my pickiness but they generally accept me the way I am. I find meal invitations anxiety producing because I have gagged, and even thrown up, at someone else's house before. I'm one of those people who simply cannot eat anything that has cilantro in it, and you cannot sneak it in there. I will know there is cilantro with the first bite and promptly gag involuntarily. So, I've learned to politely explain that I'm considered picky by those who know me and confirm the menu so I don't offend someone by puking up their nice dinner.

 

Just out of curiosity (and in an attempt to be more sympathetic to these kids) how did you become such a picky eater? Was your mom a terrible cook? Were you born that way? Is picky eating a hereditary thing? We just never were given the option of being picky eaters as a kid so I am just trying to understand how these food choices evolve.

 

My mom was a bland cook. She used salt, pepper, garlic salt and minimal ingredients. My dad was just the opposite; he used lots of spices and ingredients. While I had access to a lot of processed junk food growing up, I was required to eat everything on my plate. I hated corn bread as a child and was forced to eat large pieces (2in by 2in or large) despite it making me gag. It took me 25+ years to get over it. I can now tolerate small amounts of some corn breads.

 

If you make bake potatoes or tacos, it really helps to put every ingredient in separate bowls, so if someone like my daughter wants only rice and lettuce on hers she can have it. The same goes for spaghetti. Many times, my son could have eaten plain noodles if the cook had not added the meat sauce to the whole batch.

 

I agree with this method. I go to a retreat twice a year and this is what they do. When they serve something I don't like, I can usually find something to eat like a salad and roll. When they serve spaghetti, the sauce is in a different pan. A typical meal is salad makings, rolls, main dish, side dish, veggie, and dessert.

 

It was interesting to hear about the genetic component. I wonder if it is in my family somewhere. I react to some smells, some tastes, and certain kinds of textures. The textures get me the most, I think. Grainy textures or slimy/gooey textures are the worst...so couscous, hummus, cream of wheat are out due to being grainy and tapioca, cottage cheese, and oatmeal are out due to being slimy.

[HeatherLynn]

I'd just make balanced meals with a meat, starch and veggie, plus a couple extra "bonus" items: bread & jam, jello, salad, and so on (one per meal), with cookies or brownies for dessert, and they can be picky with what's available. It will be their problem if they're hungry after not eating enough from what's offered.

 

I would simply come up with well-balanced nutritious menus that vary from day-to-day. I would not make special dishes for people just because they are picky eaters. In a well-balanced nutritious meal, there is usually something palatable for everyone.

 

And if they balk at that... well, they'll eat it when they get hungry. If they moms get huffy about that, tough toots. Let THEM make their own kids' meals.

 

Ditto

 

 

Quick question: Do they have to try it first before saying that they do not like it?

 

At my house they do. If they don't eat, they can go hungry. I am not a fast food cook and I do not cater. However, there are some things one of my children don't like that everyone else does, and when I make those things, I make something with the meal the other child will eat. I am not cruel. Like my oldest hates stew. So, on those nights we have salad and stew, and he eats salad.

[littlebug42]

Sometimes the tasting is required before rejection because I have one of those very sensitive smellers. She is greatly offended just by the smell of some foods particularly eggs and bananas so I would never force those on her. Sometimes they do not want something but I can get them to eat it if I put just a small quantity on their plate. I really do not want to make a big battle out of meal times. This always happens at my MIL's and it is so stressful. I have to say though that I have to make myself choke down a lot of things in relation to my MIL so I understand where my girls are coming from. I have taught them to politely say no thank you but MIL does not always respect that - but that is another story altogether.

[snickelfritz]

My oldest dd is very funny about textures and always has been. From the babyfood stage, she didn't like smooth mixed with chunky (like those stage 3 babyfood jars.) She liked pureed OR chunky and it wasn't the flavor of the item or limited to just veggies. She still doesn't like casserole type dishes that have meat, veggies, etc... all mixed in. But, she'll eat creamy tomato soup.

 

She has actually gagged (not the rude gesture, but physically gagged and spit up) if a texture was offensive to her. And she has no other symptoms or characteristics that could be attributed to Asperger or autism or other sensory stuff or food allergies.

 

She comes by it honestly, because dh is the same way. He says that certain crunchy things just aren't right in something that should be smooth. I've also seen him gag and have to spit it out in a trashcan when there were some onions (a big texture no-no for him, although he likes the flavor) on a sandwich.

 

Now, I don't understand any of this.....because I haven't gone through it. But, who am I to judge them and say they are just being picky and need to just get over it and eat it anyway? My dh can function very well and goes out to dinners or lunches with clients all of the time and knows his manners.

 

We just focus on the manners with the kids. Saying "No thank you", not making faces, not saying they don't like something, etc... And I would never email someone to tell them what to cook. I would ask, so I could plan appropriately. But, I also wouldn't make my kids eat it. I'd have them be polite, fill up on things they do eat, and give them a granola bar later.

 

To people that email, I would politely tell them that you are unable to honor menu requests, but that you are happy to email them the menu so they can plan accordingly.

[MomLovesClassics]

When I grew up, my mom did not cater to any picky eaters. The picky eater was me. I do not like eggs, grits, liver, rice, sweet potatoes, coleslaw and some other stuff. I was not forced to eat what I did not like, but there were other things in the meal that I could eat. It was rude to complain, and tottally unacceptable to complain if you didn't like something.

Politely explain you will keep that in mind, but are unable to accommodate their request. At the same time explain there will be variety and it is their responsibility to feed their children if they do not wish to eat with the group. Eating hot dogs and macaroni every night is just not healthy. I think these women need cooking classes, and a nutritionist.

If it were food alergies that you were dealing with it would be different. I say it is their problem not yours. Do not spend time on it. you have others more important things to do.

[ConnieB]

Last year one of the kids made "gagging" noises like he was going to vomit when we put dinner on the table (I can't remember what it was but it was nothing unusual). I seriously had to leave the room because I was so angry.

 

 

That's a parenting (or lack thereof) issue, not a food issue.

 

 

Perhaps the OP can gather all the "likes" and try to have each of these items once during the camp. Might not be possible, of course, if there are too many picky eaters, but if this kid really loves Mac & Cheese, then hey, would it hurt to have his fav once during camp? It's not high on my list of nutritious foods, but it certainly could be incorporated into a meal plan. So, try to include something sometime during the week that each child will appreciate. Other than trying to incorporate those items in I'd be sure that each meal was nutritionally balanced and leave it at that. Remember, those without picky eaters are expecting balanced meals...not all orange foods or carbs only or whatever. And from a wisdom standpoint, I think balanced is the wisest choice, especially since you can't cater to everyone's unbalanced needs.

 

Then I'd make sure that every parent (picky eaters or not) got a complete menu for the week and tell them that if they feel their child will be unable

to eat a balanced meal because of food preferences that they should bring along food for their child. Have them contact you if they will require refrigerator space and/or cooking facilities so that you can let them know IF and HOW MUCH space is available. I could see this turning into a nightmare if a dozen parents want to use the stove on Tuesday night, or each family brought cases of food needing refrigeration. I'd make it clear that these requirements will be strictly enforced so that you don't run into a space/use problem. Or...tell them it's not available to ward off problems.

 

Of course, this could make shopping tough since you can't judge your amounts on the numbers of campers if half of them won't be eating this or that meal. Sigh. Perhaps make arrangements with a local shelter to come pick up any leftover food each evening so at least it won't all go in the trash.

 

I guess I'm lucky....I don't have any picky eaters...sure we all have our preferences, I'd still have a full and happy life if I never had to eat pork, but I can eat it if it's what the family chooses for that weeks menu. But I have never in my life ordered it in a restaurant or been the family member to propose it for the menu. Since we each get to create a dinner menu each week, we're always assured of having a favorite that week.

[Melinda in VT]

Heather, I have two great eaters, one moderately good eater, and one extremely picky eater.

 

I would never expect you to cater to my picky eater, although I agree that it would be helpful if the menu was distributed ahead of time so I could figure out if there were meals that contained no food my son would eat.

 

As to how he got so picky? I wish I knew. He's our youngest, but our attitude toward food has been the same with all of them. My MIL (a dietitian) thinks he might be one of the "super tasters." He finds the smell of the food on *my* plate offensive, although we do insist he not say "Yuck!" He was hospitalized for vomiting/dehydration a year ago, and that seems to have made a tough issue worse.

[Garga]

Haven't read all the threads, so maybe I'm repeating:

 

I'm a picky eater.

 

Here's how it works: think of one thing you really can't stand to eat. Think of how you hate the texture or the taste or the smell. For me, MOST food is like that. I just don't like it. Don't like the taste, don't like the texture. So being picky is like you having to eat (insert the food you don't like--like bugs or something) for every meal.

 

I hate being this way, believe me. If I could change it, I would.

 

So, when kids are that way, it's NOT a control issue (like Dr. Phil likes to say.) It's just that they don't like to eat (insert the food you don't like-bugs) all the time.

 

I do cater to my one picky kid, because I know what it's like. My mom didn't cater to me, said I'd eat if I got hungry, but I barely did. I ate enough to keep alive, but I was also anemic and very skinny. I would wolf down dinner the one night she made spaghetti. (One of the few things I liked.)

 

It'd be like someone cooking (insert food you hate here-bugs) for every meal and saying, "Eh. She'll eat when she's hungry." Yes, you will, but it will be horrible.

 

I ate a tuna fish sandwich and potato chips every single day for (probably) all 12 years of schooling. (At least 9 of them that I can remember.)

 

P.S. My mother says that her biggest regret raising me was forcing me to eat foods I didn't like for dinner each night. If she could do it over, she said she would have made a much bigger effort to find foods I could enjoy.

 

Oh--for your problem, make the normal foods, but tell the moms of the picky eaters that they're responsible for the picky eaters. I wouldn't have a problem with that (as a mom of a picky eater.)

Edited May 16, 2009 by Garga

[Tammyla]

I'd make the meals buffet style with sauces, dressings etc. on the side. Everyone can fill their own plate and find what works for them. Make sure they're well balanced offer up a variety of choices and simply serve them up with a smile and do not take any reactions personally.

 

When I'm preparing food for guests or crowds both young and old, I never insist on tasting something.

[Heather in Neverland]

Thank you all for the great ideas on how to handle this. I do not want to let this overshadow our purpose for going in the first place! I think a balanced menu that is published ahead of time is a good way to start.

 

Oh, and just so you don't think I am a monster :D....the gagging kid wasn't ACTUALLY gagging. He was pretending to gag to show his opinion of what I told him was for dinner (he hadn't even seen it yet). Picture this: he yells "Eewwww, disgusting!"....then puts his finger in his mouth and pretends to vomit."

 

Yeah....I had to leave the room. :glare:

[Murphy101]

I make my children taste each thing on their plate.

If they like it - great.

If they don't - fine.

But I agree with others that being polite about it is paramount. I would never tolorate my kids saying they don't like it, making gagging noises, demanding something else, etc...

 

Having the many foods we have to choose from for 3+ meals a day is a luxery that most of the world does not have and really just a generation or 2 back probably didn't have either.

 

I find it rather shocking that this is a mission trip you are cooking for and they are being rather ... well honestly they are wanting more than what most missioned to can get in their own homes.

 

My dh gets nauseated if he smells sourkraut (sp!) in the house.

And he hates pizza.

 

There's some foods I can't stand. Mint makes me literally sick to my stomach to smell. It is used to alleviate hmg and after having had that for 4-6 months with 9 children, I've developed a permanent aversion to it.

 

I've never liked pepperoni or salami (sp again!) either. Can't stand it. A friend invited our family over to eat a month or so ago and just so happened to put BOTH those ingredients in her dish, calzones, which I'm sure was great. I didn't say a word and never would have either. I simply stayed busy walking the floor bouncing my fussy baby and chatting and making sure the kids and hubby's plate stayed full (they all loved it btw) I don't think she noticed. I hope not. If she'd pressed me about it, I'd probably have lied and said I'd already eaten one. I absolutely wouldn't have even considered asking her to go to the trouble to make something different just for me. :svengo:

 

If she had previously asked me my sentiments about pepperoni or salami, I would have said that I'm sure if I were starving to death and that was all there was, I'd eat it and be grateful for it - but otherwise, I'd rather go hungry. I'm sure it never occurred to her to ask and I really only cared about the conversation anyways.

 

I'm well aware the vast majority of the population apparently likes pepperoni. Just like chocolate. I had a good friend who really dislikes chocolate. I'm not sure how she is able to survive. LOL but she's mentioned more than once to me over the years that people presume that everyone likes chocolate or that she is dieting or something. She gets annoyed because if she turns down chocolate people have been know to give her a lecture about how it's not healthy to want to be so skinny and that she could use a few pounds.:glare: She happens to be blessed with a high matabolism.

[Heather in Neverland]

Having the many foods we have to choose from for 3+ meals a day is a luxery that most of the world does not have and really just a generation or 2 back probably didn't have either.

 

I find it rather shocking that this is a mission trip you are cooking for and they are being rather ... well honestly they are wanting more than what most missioned to can get in their own homes.

.

 

Thank you for saying this. Part of me thinks...hmmmm...since this is a mission trip, what if I came up with a "typical" menu for those who live in the slums of India, or Southeast Asia, or mountains of Appalachia (which is near the place we will be staying). What if we spent time in prayer and fasting for these people instead of hyper-focusing on our own likes and dislikes? Obviously without starving our children...is there a lesson to be learned here? Just wondering...

[SonshineLearner]

Barring my one daughter's allergic to peanut butter...I don't make special requests. She really wants to be able to eat as others do, and I think it's fair to let the people in charge know about her allergies...and that most of the meals won't have cross contamination so that she can't eat anything.

For my picky son, I take toast (homemade whole wheat) and veggies or something so that he will eat something. I guess I usually do fix him his own food. I am still a parent and in charge; I'm ok with letting him choose what to eat, as long as I don't get into two seperate actual "meals".

Carrie:-)

[gardening momma]

Part of me thinks...hmmmm...since this is a mission trip, what if I came up with a "typical" menu for those who live in the slums of India, or Southeast Asia, or mountains of Appalachia (which is near the place we will be staying). What if we spent time in prayer and fasting for these people instead of hyper-focusing on our own likes and dislikes? Obviously without starving our children...is there a lesson to be learned here? Just wondering...

I think it would be a good idea for one meal to be an Appalachian-mountain-type meal, and include that in the meal plan that you give to everyone. It could be mid-way through the week, and it would be a good time for discussion about people who are less fortunate than we are. And let parents know that this is the one meal where no extra items will be provided, and that no one can bring their own extra food to this meal.

[Murphy101]

I think it would be a good idea for one meal to be an Appalachian-mountain-type meal, and include that in the meal plan that you give to everyone. It could be mid-way through the week, and it would be a good time for discussion about people who are less fortunate than we are. And let parents know that this is the one meal where no extra items will be provided, and that no one can bring their own extra food to this meal.

 

whoa! what? distribute a "meal plan"?

 

are they paying for these meals? well even so..

 

I have never expected to get the meal plan in advance of any occassion and have never sent one either. If another person/organization is giving the meal or offerring a cheap convienent option - I have always figured that you just get what you get and make do or don't.:confused:

 

The only exceptions I've ever had are formal dinners that are paid for. For example a benefit dinner of some sort that is being catered.

 

good grief.. this kind lady is offerring to toil in a kitchen for the sake of others, which I think is very good of her. I can't imagine even asking what she is making unless there's a major health issue concern. No wait. Dh says not even then. He says anyone who has a major health dietary issue should be very used to meeting their own diet needs. He has diabetes and always plans assumming he shouldn't eat a thing offerred or very little of it. Most of the time it's not an issue for him, but because he presumes it is, he rarely has to worry about it.

 

My goodness, if I'm being offerred a free or reduced meal and it's being prepared by another, I just. can't . bring. myself. to say anything other than THANK YOU.

 

Okay Heather I'm officially horrified on your behalf. I'm just shocked at the lack of gratitude, that one has such demands expected of them for a chairtible act. Now, if you have ASKED what everyone would like because you felt inclined and were able to go all out (I presume someone has to buy the food at some point so cost is a factor?) then that would be different.

 

ETA: if you were making the same meal 3 times a day, that would be different as it could pose a situation of 3 meals being missed. but no one is going to "starve" from missing one meal. and MOST folks should be able to eat a carrot or something out of 3 meals offerred. If they can't, then they know they have an issue and should accomodate themselves rather than expect others to offer custom meals.

Edited May 16, 2009 by Martha

[gardening momma]

whoa! what? distribute a "meal plan"?

 

are they paying for these meals? well even so..

 

I have never expected to get the meal plan in advance of any occassion and have never sent one either. If another person/organization is giving the meal or offerring a cheap convienent option - I have always figured that you just get what you get and make do or don't.:confused:

 

Eh, it was already discussed...I didn't come up with the idea. :)

[Heather in Neverland]

ETA: if you were making the same meal 3 times a day, that would be different as it could pose a situation of 3 meals being missed. but no one is going to "starve" from missing one meal. and MOST folks should be able to eat a carrot or something out of 3 meals offerred. If they can't, then they know they have an issue and should accomodate themselves rather than expect others to offer custom meals.

 

I am only in charge of dinner (thank goodness). Someone else is doing breakfast and another is doing lunch. I did not ask for their choices. They volunteered them. And I witnessed the situation last year. It seemed that no matter what we served last year one kid would only eat PB&J, one would only eat hot dogs, one would only eat potatoes, etc. So while I made, say, lasagna for the whole crew, their mom had to make mashed potatoes, hot dogs, pb&j, plus feed the baby and herself (she and her husband ate lasagna although by the time they ate it was cold since they were busy making other food for their kids). :confused:

[calandalsmom]

Yeah, I can't imagine tolerating that level of disrespect. Sad that parents refuse to parent these days.

 

And for those that claim he may not have just been behaving bratty, I just can't see that. Almost anyone can hold back a gag long enough to run out of the room. I've had some pretty bad gagging fits myself but never in front of a host. And I would apologize in a heartbeat if that ever *did* happen.

 

BTW, I don't believe in force feeding, clean your plate, giving them the same food for meals on end, etc. I did force Gregory one day last week because I had to follow through on what my hubby told him (and it worked out for the best), but I talked to hubby that it shouldn't happen again. I don't believe in hassling a kid over eating and believe it can cause ongoing issues. But a kid doesn't have to be disrespectful just because they don't like something or even can't eat it.

 

huh. I guess you'd find my son intolerable. tunafish. Lunch. Barf everywhere.

 

I guess I should have punished him but I felt badly for him. Im sure if he could have stopped himself from vomitting he would have. None of us enjoy it so much we'd do it just to make a point.

 

 

My boys are picky (well, they seem so to me, as dh and I and dd are the ANTI pickies!) but generally speaking they will eat a meat and a starch as long as it isnt awash in a sauce (one ds dislikes some sauces.)

Edited May 16, 2009 by calandalsmom

[Murphy101]

huh. I guess you'd find my son intolerable. tunafish. Lunch. Barf everywhere.

 

I guess I should have punished him but I felt badly for him. Im sure if he could have stopped himself from vomitting he would have. None of us enjoy it so much we'd do it just to make a point.

 

 

Heather has already made clear he didn't act that way because he really felt sick. He made gaging noises and put his finger in his throat as a display of his opinion, not because he was genuinely sick. If my son did that, I'd excuse him from the table and advise him to find his manners at the next meal.

 

I have had my kids puke in public - it doesn't phase me in the least (9 kids = a certain desensitazation to such things:tongue_smilie:), we set the child aside to let their stomach settle, clean the mess (or tipped big time to whoever was cleaning it at the resturant the 2 times it was out), offer sincere apologies, and finsih our meal (if possible) These things happen and can't always be controlled.

 

I get very nauseated if I smell mint and really can't tolorate it and hold back the gagging for more than a few minutes before puking. I know this and speak up very quickly or remove myself asap when I smell it.

 

I would expect that if your son is that sensitive to tuna that he is taught to do likewise?:confused:

[Murphy101]

I am only in charge of dinner (thank goodness). Someone else is doing breakfast and another is doing lunch. I did not ask for their choices. They volunteered them. And I witnessed the situation last year. It seemed that no matter what we served last year one kid would only eat PB&J, one would only eat hot dogs, one would only eat potatoes, etc. So while I made, say, lasagna for the whole crew, their mom had to make mashed potatoes, hot dogs, pb&j, plus feed the baby and herself (she and her husband ate lasagna although by the time they ate it was cold since they were busy making other food for their kids). :confused:

 

wow. I'll admit that I'm often the last to sit down after filling various plates, but my dh would not tolorate that at all. He would be very upset to see any lady, esp his wife and their mother, treated like a short order cook. I can't pin what it is, but it just seems .. very disrespectful and thoughtless to me? not just of their mother, but of the person who went to so much trouble to make a meal for them.:confused:

[rafiki]

.

[dtb1999]

Last year one of the kids made "gagging" noises like he was going to vomit when we put dinner on the table (I can't remember what it was but it was nothing unusual). I seriously had to leave the room because I was so angry.

 

My oldest has sensory issues with some things, food included. I can see my son doing that. He would not do it to offend anyone, however. To him, just the thought of the food touching his mouth or the smell of certain foods will make him gag like that. That kid may very well have had sensory issues. I would personally bring some of our own food for my ds if I knew there would be things he would have an issue with and let him eat something we brought without making an issue out of it. :)

[FO4UR]

Preface/disclaimer: this topic does NOT include those who have food allergies or disabilities of ANY kind that keeps them from eating certain foods.

 

Having said that....

 

This June we will be doing a mission project in NC before we head off to Malaysia. There will be a group of about 30 of us staying and working together for a week. Each person is picking different things to be in charge of and I am in charge of dinners. I can cook for a large group...no problem and there is another woman helping me.

 

BUT

 

I am already receiving all these emails about how little Johnny won't eat anything except macaroni and cheese and little Joey will ONLY eat potatoes (not a joke). And little Susie won't eat anything green. And on and on.....

 

Last year we went to this same week-long project and we were less organized so meals were sort of a free for all. I was amazed watching a few moms make 3 and 4 different meals to cater to their finicky kids. I just don't get it.

 

I didn't grow up like that. My mom made one meal for dinner and you ate it. You weren't allowed to say you didn't like something unless you had tried it. You were generally expected to eat your meal without complaining. We weren't "forced" to eat things we truly hated but we also weren't allowed to "hate" everything on our plate.

 

My kids have one or two things they really don't like (after having tried them). My one ds won't eat coconut. The other won't eat raisins. I don't like cherries. My dh doesn't like brussel sprouts. But that's about it. Other than that we will pretty much try/eat anything.

 

I understand everyone has some food they really can't stand, but these kids that won't eat anything except hot dogs and their moms who are acting like short order cooks really befuddle me. Their moms say "they won't eat" if they don't make them their special meal. My mom use to tell us "if you get hungry enough you will eat it."

 

I am a little annoyed with trying to come up with things that will please these food divas. Am I just becoming a cranky old lady? :tongue_smilie:

 

I didn't read the whole thread, forgive me if I repeat:

 

If I were you, I would make up my menu and stick with it. Inform the mothers of picky eaters that they are welcome to use the kitchen to make their daily hot dogs and potatoes. (Do NOT do all that yourself:001_huh: and shame on them, if they expected you to:glare:) Don't take it out of you budget either.....I wouldn't.

 

I'm the mother of a severely food allergic child - and I always make sure I take care of my own dc in these types situations - never assume someone else will or should do it for me. There are grocery stores and restaurants in NC;)

[pixeldog]

I was a picky eater as a child, but had to at least taste the offensive food if it was on my plate each time it was served. Many times I felt gaggy or even actually gagged (despite the parental growls, I just couldn't help it). Here's the interesting thing though, *many* of those foods are ones that I enjoy now. Also, I was *very* sensitive to smells/tastes/textures when I was pregnant.

 

Question: do you think that our tastes change over time, or change with repeated exposure, or hormonal levels?

 

Aside: I was born in and currently live in Appalachian NC and we have (and eat) the same foods here that you do! I know, there's an "ol' time country cookin' ala Cracker Barrel" stereotype to contend with, but just for the record, most of the folks in our area who are impoverished aren't eating that way. My family works with the local food pantry and the numbers are *way* up. If they don't get a "program meal" (food pantry, mission, etc.) our impoverished kids don't eat over the weekends (or they eat crap from the convenience store, i.e. cheese doodles and vienna sausages). Many of them eat school breakfast (a joke....you should hear what passes for breakfast) and school lunch and that's it. Maybe your group should try eating iced animal crackers for breakfast and a few cheese doodles/vienna sausages for a couple of days........and then try doing school work or take a couple of standardized tests! Add in a couple of Jerry Springer episodes and you'll really get close to reality. Please pray for our kids and their families.

[dtb1999]

Yeah, I can't imagine tolerating that level of disrespect. Sad that parents refuse to parent these days.

 

And for those that claim he may not have just been behaving bratty, I just can't see that. Almost anyone can hold back a gag long enough to run out of the room.

 

 

You have never met my son then. He has sensory issues, as I stated in another post. He really will gag, and has actually thrown up, from certain foods. He doesn't do it to be "bratty". He certainly doesn't enjoy uncontrollable gag that happens sometimes from certain foods or smells. To state that "almost anyone" can hold back a gag long enough to run from a room is somewhat ignorant, really. I'm also sorry you would consider my son a brat due to something he really has no control over.

[dtb1999]

However, there are some things one of my children don't like that everyone else does, and when I make those things, I make something with the meal the other child will eat. I am not cruel. Like my oldest hates stew. So, on those nights we have salad and stew, and he eats salad.

 

That's what I do, too. If I am making a meal I know one of my kids won't or can't eat they are always offered other options that don't involve alot of preparation on my part. ;)

[dtb1999]

Oh, and just so you don't think I am a monster :D....the gagging kid wasn't ACTUALLY gagging. He was pretending to gag to show his opinion of what I told him was for dinner (he hadn't even seen it yet). Picture this: he yells "Eewwww, disgusting!"....then puts his finger in his mouth and pretends to vomit."

 

Yeah....I had to leave the room. :glare:

 

Well that is different. That was plain rude. Thanks for the clarification. And FWIW, I didn't think you were a monster even before the clarification. ;)

[Lakeside]

Thank you for saying this. Part of me thinks...hmmmm...since this is a mission trip, what if I came up with a "typical" menu for those who live in the slums of India, or Southeast Asia, or mountains of Appalachia (which is near the place we will be staying). What if we spent time in prayer and fasting for these people instead of hyper-focusing on our own likes and dislikes? Obviously without starving our children...is there a lesson to be learned here? Just wondering...

 

I think this is definitely something to consider. Several years ago my dh was the youth pastor at an international church. Instead of participating in the 30 Hour famine, like the youth normally did, my husband decided to have an event to raise awareness (and money) for the homeless in the city in which we were living. The event started in the evening after dinner time and everyone was informed ahead of time to eat dinner, because there wouldn't be any of the snacks and that are often associated with these events.

 

In the morning, instead of the feast that was normally served to the kids, there were rolls and apples. They could choose one. It really made an impact on them.

 

Obviously, I'm not suggesting you do this for a week, but there is something to be said for simplicity. You can certainly serve meals that are simple and nutritious, but that also allow you to keep the focus on your purpose for the week.

 

As far as addressing your original question goes, I've been on both sides of the issue. I was a somewhat picky eater as a kid. I did have to try things and I would never have dreamed about complaining about something that I was served.

 

As an adult, picky is not a word I would use to describe my eating. I guess I've...outgrown most of my food aversions. :D Although every once in a while there will be something that I. just. can't. eat. The funny thing about that when it happens is that it often something that I like. A few times even the thought of eating a certain thing has sent me to the bathroom vomiting. Other times I can eat it and there are no problems. It is very strange and I don't know what causes it.

 

Well, I'm sure that is way more than you were looking for! ;)

 

Good luck with the meal planning and the trip in general.

[Heather in Neverland]

Aside: I was born in and currently live in Appalachian NC and we have (and eat) the same foods here that you do! I know, there's an "ol' time country cookin' ala Cracker Barrel" stereotype to contend with, but just for the record, most of the folks in our area who are impoverished aren't eating that way. My family works with the local food pantry and the numbers are *way* up. If they don't get a "program meal" (food pantry, mission, etc.) our impoverished kids don't eat over the weekends (or they eat crap from the convenience store, i.e. cheese doodles and vienna sausages). Many of them eat school breakfast (a joke....you should hear what passes for breakfast) and school lunch and that's it. Maybe your group should try eating iced animal crackers for breakfast and a few cheese doodles/vienna sausages for a couple of days........and then try doing school work or take a couple of standardized tests! Add in a couple of Jerry Springer episodes and you'll really get close to reality. Please pray for our kids and their families.

 

Thank you for sharing this. It breaks my heart and gives me lots to think and pray about. :grouphug: