How do you handle boundaries with loving, overly involved grandparents who don't support home school?
They are not bad people. They truly want the best for me, and for my kids. They just can’t handle not being able to bend me to their will and their view of the best.
My parents are unhappy about homeschool. Extremely. Crying, stomping feet, dire threats of kids outcomes. Constant offers to take the kids to school — any school within 50 miles — and pay for it. Saying I could drop them off at 7am and pick them up at 6pm if I am "too lazy to get them ready for school”, anything but home school.
This has not gone down with the “By the fruits they will know” approach. They can brag about how good the kids are and in the same breath say “but you are ruining them with home school.”
I have become fairly successful at letting this slide off my back. Its been 3 years, almost 4. The kids LOVE home school. I LOVE home school.
The problem comes in that the grandparents ARE involved in our daily lives. We live 6 miles away. They see them 4 days a week. They pay for TKD. They keep the kids one night a week. They pout if they don’t get their "allotted time" (which, ironically, is only possible because of homeschool).
But they see their involvement and help as obliging me to do what they want, even down to trying to dictate the kids’ activities and schedule. That, I can handle politely and firmly. But the Big Demand of no homeschool is getting Bigger.
They wanted to “sit down and have a conversation”; it came across as a strong arm tactic and more you’ve-ruined-your-life-already-don’t ruin-theirs-too vibe. I said no, which has not gone over well. They implied my kids are being neglected. It was shocking and very upsetting. Is this what they really think, was it heat of the moment, or manipulation?
I’ve been putting distance between us this past month, since the conversation, to give me time to figure out how to deal with this once and for all.
Do I just ignore them as I’ve done to this point, pretending this issue doesn’t exist? Do I have a blow out where I tell them to back off (I don’t “blow up” convincingly, unfortunately, and my mom is the expert at it)? Calmly inform them that I’m excited to be doing XYZ this year with the kids and so they won’t have as much time over there? Threaten no kid involvement if they persist (this gives me a bad taste in my mouth, the kids shouldn’t be pawns, but OTOH...)? Move and tell them when the house is sold? Heart to hearts don’t work, I tried that for the first 2 years.
TL;DR: How do you set boundaries with well-meaning family members who actively try to stop you from home schooling, without cutting them off completely?
I promise, I’m not a dramatic person, I just seem to have a run of bad luck lately. I promise, I’ll start to post happier thread topics, like “Best way to bake a potato” and “What to do with a soiled mattress”, lol.