Good books on decluttering other than Kondo?

[PrincessMommy]

A few weeks ago my dh mentioned he wanted us to read a book together.  We used to do this years ago, but we fell out of practice.  At the same time we're trying to prepare for a move.  My husband is terrible about getting rid of stuff (we still have his notebooks from college - 40yrs ago.  And, don't even ask me about his clothes!!).   

 

I'd like the join theses two things are read a book on decluttering.  I'm worried that the Kondo method might be a bit too harsh.  I've not read it, but everything I heard or read about make it sound very militant.  

 

But, I need help encouraging dh to let go of stuff!!

 

 

[wintermom]

I can't imagine my dh reading a book on decluttering, tbh.  And sometimes people can get more focused on the thought of something and avoid actually doing the thing. Just declutter with him, and enjoy a wonderful book on a subject you both love. 

Edited May 24, 2017 by wintermom

[Happy]

Julie Morgenstern books are great! Very practical and useful. She attempts to uproot the problem that causes clutter in the first place.

'Organizing from the inside out' is one of my favorites.

[SamanthaCarter]

Actually, (between the two of us) my DH read the Kondo book first. He was inspired by it. It's wacky, not militant. In fact, I would call it gentle. 

 

Edited May 24, 2017 by SamanthaCarter

[marbel]

Is your husband open to the idea of reading a book on decluttering?  Or will it make him defensive about his stuff?  I'm just thinking about my own pack-rat husband and understand he may be nothing like yours.   He listened to me read snippets of the Kondo book and he was not impressed.  "Spark joy" is not his language.  Thanking things for their service before getting rid of them?  Please.   Anyway, reading a book together on decluttering would make him suddenly become very busy and not have time for our reading.  

 

 

[happi duck]

I agree that the Kondo book is not militant.

 

I think it could be a good shared book. It's pretty short and even if the method doesn't necessarily appeal the book is a nice glimpse into another culture.

 

Don Aslett books are humorous, iirc. Also, the Sidetracked Home Executives books are great and funny but might be more on cleaning.

[displace]

A slob comes clean (Dana White), for housekeeping and decluttering. This is basics for people who need things spelled out. She also has a podcast, so you can just listen to decluttering podcasts.

[Word Nerd]

The Kondo book has enough helpful tips that it's worth reading even if you don't completely buy in to her methods.

[Arctic Bunny]

If your DH is like mine, he will assume that decluttering only applies to your stuff, not his. Because he doesn't have clutter. All his stuff is useful, or could be useful...

 

I clearly have no advice here, but just did finish a move. And I do have some stuff. But mine fits in the house, and isn't taking up a two-car garage. Ahem.

[Guest]

A slob comes clean (Dana White), for housekeeping and decluttering. This is basics for people who need things spelled out. She also has a podcast, so you can just listen to decluttering podcasts.

This. She's funny and brilliantly simplistic on getting to the root of what must be done. I've read Kondo and found it somewhat helpful, but she also wasn't really practical on many things for a larger family where some of the members are home basically 24/7. (And if my husband heard anything about asking himself if something sparked joy, he would just laugh and roll his eyes, which is another reason I would avoid asking him to read the book.) I find Dana White more realistic for people with families. Her podcast is great too.

Edited May 24, 2017 by texasmom33

[Garga]

The kondo book is tiny.  You can pre-read it pretty fast.  

[PrincessMommy]

yeah, I don't think my dh would be into thanking things... or sparking joy.  But, I appreciate the input that the book may not be as militant.  Perhaps it is the more enthusiastic followers who are so.

 

A podcast may be perfect, but honestly, I think it might make him more suspicious than reading a book.  Since he ask to read a book together, I thought I'd offer it as "hey, since we're trying to downsize, let's look at this *together*".   I'm no saint when it comes to clutter either.  I just seem to let go a bit easier.  It's not like I'm suggesting a book *for him to read* out of the blue.  THAT would definitely make him run in the other direction.

 

 

[PrincessMommy]

The kondo book is tiny.  You can pre-read it pretty fast.  

 

This is definitely a plus

[Acadie]

Just ordered a DVD from the library of Organizing from the Inside Out. This sounds more fun to me than reading a book about decluttering!

 

Amy

[Katy]

Another vote that Kondo isn't militant.  It does get a little weird and animist, but as long as he can look at that with humor rather than anger, it will be fine.

[historically accurate]

The guy from the Clean Sweep TV show has a decluttering book. I think maybe it's called, It's All Too Much. Maybe a guys perspective would work?

[Stacia]

I think people either love or hate Marie Kondo's book for the most part. I enjoyed her book & outlook. To me, the most helpful thing about her 'spark joy' process is that she has you sort items by type rather than by area/room. So, you have to gather all clothes (or sub-category such as all shirts) from all over the entire house before starting. That way, you can really see how much you have of one item. Her opinion is that people often have stuff in various rooms (think books). If you clean out room by room, you never get a feel for the actual number of items you own of each type. By being forced to pull all like items together, you truly see how much of each thing you own. I've read a lot of decluttering books & I find this idea brilliant & different than most.

 

Seconding the above recommendation for Peter Walsh's It's All Too Much. It has been years since I've read it, but I think some of his main ideas are 1) you need to determine the purpose for a given space, then get rid of anything that doesn't fit the purpose from that space and 2) you have a finite amount of space & must have your items fit in the space; for example, if you have 30 linear feet of bookshelf space, you can have an amount of books that fits that space, not more (& it's better if you leave a bit of empty space so you have room for your collection to grow). You have to sort & get rid of stuff according to those parameters. If you have a lot of stuff, it will be hard & you will need to make some tough decisions. If you define your bedroom for rest, relaxation, & intimacy, get rid of anything in there that doesn't focus on those; therefore, a desk w/ a pile of papers & a computer doesn't belong in the bedroom. Neither does an exercise machine. Etc. Those type of items need to be relocated to their defined spaces (which may mean something else is ousted somewhere else). I think he's very practical in saying that you have a set amount of space which needs to house both you & your things -- you shouldn't be crowding yourself out because there are too many things in the space. Another big thing of his is saving keepsakes or sentimental items; he says if you consider them so special, they shouldn't be packed away gathering dust & rotting, but out on display or being used. And, if you're putting out the things that are important to you in that respect, you need to make space for them by getting rid of other stuff.

 

Others that may be of interest:

 

Clutter Busting: Letting Go of What's Holding You Back by Brooks Palmer. He is a self-confessed clutterbug who changed his ways years ago. He's pretty low-key & emphasizes not berating yourself for having clutter. He gently encourages you to let go of stuff that is no longer adding to your life.

 

Throw Out Fifty Things by Gail Blanke.

 

I'd probably get all of the above from the library & skim them to see which might appeal most to you & your dh as an approach that would fit your mindset.

Edited May 24, 2017 by Stacia

[Carol in Cal.]

I am one of the people who think that Kondo is too militant.  I find her a bit condescending as well.

 

Organizing From the Inside Out suits me a lot better, style-wise, although it's not just about decluttering.

[Guest]

Actually, (between the two of us) my DH read the Kondo book first. He was inspired by it. It's wacky, not militant. In fact, I would call it gentle.

And adorably fruity! She's a total nutcase, but that's part of what makes it fantastic :p

[happi duck]

And adorably fruity! She's a total nutcase, but that's part of what makes it fantastic :p

I love the "woo"ness!

[prairiewindmomma]

Peter Walsh was helpful to me (in addition to Kondo).

 

For us, my dh had to experience a decluttered space first before he could buy in to the process. He could emotionally feel the difference.  We also talked about cost per square foot and cost of use---the true cost of owning an item isn't just in the initial purchase.

 

We experience owning items very differently.  Identifying that difference was helpful in our discussions and negotiations through decision making about what to declutter and what to re-buy post-move. (We went into a 800 square foot space for a summer in which we lived in half that space because we needed temperature controlled storage.  We ditched a ton of furniture--that needed to be replaced anyway.  We rebought some things at an IKEA price point because it was cheaper than storing them.)

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm not the personality type that fits with "sparks joy" and thanking objects, but the book Kondo was helpful and entertaining anyway.  It's just another approach to prioritizing stuff. 

I'm wondering is a book on minimalism might be another way to go.  A good one on the topic is all about analyzing yourself, what you care most about, what you most want and then stripping away things (possessions, activities, and relationships) that you don't care much about.  It's more philosophical by nature and has a "Know thyself" kind of approach that maybe would be more of a connection between the two of you, assuming that's the point of reading a book together. Since it branches out into other aspects of life, if he doesn't respond as much to the possessions angle, he might respond to the other part or he may respond to more than just the possessions angle. 

[Guest]

Do you want to read my pre-published manuscript? 😊 I could send you one gratis.

 

My DH would never read a decluttering book in a billion years, but I think Don Aslett's book Clutter's Last Stand would be a good book for males and females. Kondo's book is more feminine and a bit woo-woo. It's not militant, but I think it's out of touch with what mothers need and definitely out of touch for dads. No guy I know of is going to thank the extra hose for its service before finding it a new home.

[Miss Peregrine]

The guy from the Clean Sweep TV show has a decluttering book. I think maybe it's called, It's All Too Much. Maybe a guys perspective would work?

Yes. Peter Walsh. It's a good one.

[Alexigail]

It's All Too Much is great!

[Tangerine]

I'm not the personality type that fits with "sparks joy" and thanking objects, but the book Kondo was helpful and entertaining anyway. It's just another approach to prioritizing stuff.

 

I'm wondering is a book on minimalism might be another way to go. A good one on the topic is all about analyzing yourself, what you care most about, what you most want and then stripping away things (possessions, activities, and relationships) that you don't care much about. It's more philosophical by nature and has a "Know thyself" kind of approach that maybe would be more of a connection between the two of you, assuming that's the point of reading a book together. Since it branches out into other aspects of life, if he doesn't respond as much to the possessions angle, he might respond to the other part or he may respond to more than just the possessions angle.

I agree with this. I think it is a great idea in terms of the experience of reading and discussing ideas together.

[LucyStoner]

Julie Morgenstern books are great! Very practical and useful. She attempts to uproot the problem that causes clutter in the first place.

'Organizing from the inside out' is one of my favorites.

Seconding this recommendation.  

[AnthemLights]

Kind of off the subject, but does anyone know which decluttering book equates space taken up in drawers with space taken up in your brain? Like if you walk into a room and even though the surfaces looks clean, if the drawers are all cluttered, your mind immediately takes note of that and can't relax.  I'm not sure if I am even saying that right....I read the book more than 20 years ago and would love to find it again.  

 

 

[Guest]

Do you want to read my pre-published manuscript? 😊 I could send you one gratis.

 

My DH would never read a decluttering book in a billion years, but I think Don Aslett's book Clutter's Last Stand would be a good book for males and females. Kondo's book is more feminine and a bit woo-woo. It's not militant, but I think it's out of touch with what mothers need and definitely out of touch for dads. No guy I know of is going to thank the extra hose for its service before finding it a new home.

Don Aslett's materials, in general, are excellent. We are designing more than a few of his principles into our new place when we build.

[PrincessMommy]

after reading the explanation of the Kondo book here i think it might not work.  I like the idea of getting several from the library and skimming first

 

 

Quill... I forgot you were writing a book.  I'd love to look at it.  I'd feel  a little like I'm taking advantage, so if you only want to send me a chapter or two, that's fine too.

 

 

[Ausmumof3]

Kind of off the subject, but does anyone know which decluttering book equates space taken up in drawers with space taken up in your brain? Like if you walk into a room and even though the surfaces looks clean, if the drawers are all cluttered, your mind immediately takes note of that and can't relax. I'm not sure if I am even saying that right....I read the book more than 20 years ago and would love to find it again.

I don't know but I've heard similar from flylady

[Barb_]

I don't know but I've heard similar from flylady

Yes that rings a bell with me too. I think that was her. I did FlyLady maybe two decades ago for maybe a year? I didn't keep up with it, but a lot of her little gems stuck in my head.

[AnthemLights]

Thanks, flylady doesn't ring a bell, but I'll check her out.

[PrincessMommy]

I'm not the personality type that fits with "sparks joy" and thanking objects, but the book Kondo was helpful and entertaining anyway.  It's just another approach to prioritizing stuff. 

 

I'm wondering is a book on minimalism might be another way to go.  A good one on the topic is all about analyzing yourself, what you care most about, what you most want and then stripping away things (possessions, activities, and relationships) that you don't care much about.  It's more philosophical by nature and has a "Know thyself" kind of approach that maybe would be more of a connection between the two of you, assuming that's the point of reading a book together. Since it branches out into other aspects of life, if he doesn't respond as much to the possessions angle, he might respond to the other part or he may respond to more than just the possessions angle. 

 

Do you have a book you"d recommend?

[Guest]

Well, you want to hear a funny story?  I read Kondo and found it ... annoying.  But I decided to DO WHAT SHE SAID and whaddya know, a lot of stuff got cleared out and my brain got cleared out of a lot of old habits as well.  But here is why I posted.  I did what she said (you talk to your clothes, telling them thank you for your service and lo and behold you can let them go--because you are no longer trying to justify their purchase).  So I talked to my clothes, and said, "I loved wearing you, beautiful Norwegian knit sweater, but in the climate I live in now, you will cook me.  So I am liberating you to keep someone warm."  And that sweater that I have toted around for 28 years is now warming someone else.  It was a great sweater.  

 

So I came downstairs with 2 BAGS of clothes.  (This would not be remarkable for most people, but I have less than 8' of closet space, so it was a lot.). I showed them to my dh and told him I had been talking to my clothes, and it was WEIRD and he totally agreed with THAT.  Well, Mr. We Can Surely Find a Space to Store Everything We Have Ever Owned disappeared after awhile and came down with TWO BAGS of clothes.  He would not meet my eyes...which tells me...  ::::whispering:::: he was talking to his clothes.

 

AN ALIEN HAS POSSESSED MY DH!

 

You might just check it out.  Sometimes if someone tells you to run a mile, you can at least run a half, but if they tell you to run a half, you can only go a quarter.  Militant is not always a bad thing.

 

[happi duck]

Kind of off the subject, but does anyone know which decluttering book equates space taken up in drawers with space taken up in your brain? Like if you walk into a room and even though the surfaces looks clean, if the drawers are all cluttered, your mind immediately takes note of that and can't relax. I'm not sure if I am even saying that right....I read the book more than 20 years ago and would love to find it again.

This might be Don Aslett. I remember him talking about even off sight storage still having an effect. Also, I think he was against methods that employed hidden storage like boxes under a tablecloth used as an end table because it was still stuff your brain needed to take note of.

 

He has a lot of books but maybe this was in Clutter's Last Stand. Not positive though.

[Guest]

I'll tell you what helped me more than anything;  moving my MIL three times and packing, unpacking, washing and finding a place for ENDLESS boxes of ENDLESS and USELSS CRAP.  Eg.  she hasn't had company in 25 years.  Yet she NEEEEEDS 7 platters.  (I have one...just got it.  For turkey.)

 

Helping my mother and sister pack up to move and packing up FIVE 12-place-settings of dishes--and finding the 6th.  

 

That was three weeks of my life I will never get back. I came home from those trips and I am RUTHLESS now.

 

So if you need something to help you along, you just let me know.

 

 

[HS Mom in NC]

Do you have a book you"d recommend?

 

I've been watching TED talks, youtube vidoes and The Minimalists documentary, so I'm sorry I don't have a book to recommend. I'm sure there some available at amazon. I was watching them as I cooked, cleaned, and cleared things out. I've seen a few articles on social media, so the only caution I have is to look for more philosophical oriented representations and less process or number oriented representations.  There was an article on FB by a woman who felt cheated by the "Minimalist Gospel" when she got rid of most of her stuff in two weeks and then painted her walls white because she saw that on Pinterest. Contentment didn't come swooping in and knock her upside the head. (Duh!) There was no time spent on her asking herself what her priorities were, what she really wanted her future to look like, what her passions were, what gave her joy and contentment, what she used the most, what items she loved the most, etc.

[HS Mom in NC]

I have to say the Kondo book was entertaining, helpful and enlightening,  even though it was foreign.  Sometimes seeing something from a completely different angle is useful and can help you cut through deeply underlying assumptions and biases.  Also, if you've ever wondered how an animist views the practical world of possessions, the book is culturally informative.  What I found interesting was how someone could accomplish similar things in such different ways.  When she suggested thanking objects for their service, I decided there was no reason why I couldn't stop thank my own God for giving me the means to have more than I needed and ask Him to bless those people who were going to get them as a donation. I could tell Him I was sorry for squandering some of it and asked Him to help me see better ways of utilizing the resources He gave me to serve my family and others.  So I did. And He did.

 

The underlying principle is that people who are generally grateful for and appreciative of what they already have usually become more content and less likely to buy more stuff thoughtlessly. People who think of others, in this case by donating things to them that are in good condition, are usually happier people.  Whether you take if from an animist point of view, a Christian point of view, a secular humanist point of view, or whatever, you're going to probably get something positive out of it and the recipients will too. It's kind of like a hands on application of the second half of The Abolition of Man by C. S. Lewis, but for stuff.  It wasn't the only principle I shared with the animist Kondo, and I enjoyed explicitly identifying and applying it from my own faith point of view, so in the end it was a blessing to me.  And I got a lot done that I'd struggled to do (the wardrobe.)

[Guest]

Just so everyone knows: I know that you know that when I was talking to my clothes, they did not hear me. :0)

 

It was a helpful exercise in letting go, not a conversation.

[Guest]

I have to say the Kondo book was entertaining, helpful and enlightening, even though it was foreign. Sometimes seeing something from a completely different angle is useful and can help you cut through deeply underlying assumptions and biases. Also, if you've ever wondered how an animist views the practical world of possessions, the book is culturally informative. What I found interesting was how someone could accomplish similar things in such different ways. When she suggested thanking objects for their service, I decided there was no reason why I couldn't stop thank my own God for giving me the means to have more than I needed and ask Him to bless those people who were going to get them as a donation. I could tell Him I was sorry for squandering some of it and asked Him to help me see better ways of utilizing the resources He gave me to serve my family and others. So I did. And He did.

 

The underlying principle is that people who are generally grateful for and appreciative of what they already have usually become more content and less likely to buy more stuff thoughtlessly. People who think of others, in this case by donating things to them that are in good condition, are usually happier people. Whether you take if from an animist point of view, a Christian point of view, a secular humanist point of view, or whatever, you're going to probably get something positive out of it and the recipients will too. It's kind of like a hands on application of the second half of The Abolition of Man by C. S. Lewis, but for stuff. It wasn't the only principle I shared with the animist Kondo, and I enjoyed explicitly identifying and applying it from my own faith point of view, so in the end it was a blessing to me. And I got a lot done that I'd struggled to do (the wardrobe.)

That's quite profound. And you're exactly right in that grateful people are not greedy. Hoarders have insecurities about having their needs met.