Who posted the hysterical waxing story a few years ago?

[Karenciavo]

Was it Laney? You know the one where they couldn't do it right and I believe there was some sort of indecent exposure involved? If this sounds familiar and you happen to have it on your computer could you email it to me?

 

Thanks. :)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Was it Laney? You know the one where they couldn't do it right and I believe there was some sort of indecent exposure involved? If this sounds familiar and you happen to have it on your computer could you email it to me?

 

Thanks. :)

 

Ultimately, I believe, there was a bathtub involved. Maybe the search string thing people used to do for the old boards would work?

[Chris in VA]

I'm pretty sure it was Church Pat of the Manor.

And yes, it WAS hysterical!

[Gamom3]

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

 

Read on.........

 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

 

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

 

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

 

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

 

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

 

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

 

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

 

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

 

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!...

 

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

 

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe.................. OK, back to normal.

 

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

 

I hold up the strip!

 

There's no hair on it.

 

Where is the hair???

 

WHERE IS THE WAX???

 

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

 

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

 

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

 

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

 

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

 

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

 

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

 

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

 

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

 

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

 

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

 

I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

 

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

 

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

 

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

 

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

 

"IT WORKS!!

 

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....

 

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

 

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

 

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

 

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Where is the hair???

 

WHERE IS THE WAX???

 

I. Can't. Breathe!!!

 

 

 

[Karenciavo]

Yes, that's it! Can you believe I got it emailed to me this morning by someone who had it emailed to them, it looks like it's been forwarded at least 6 times with full address books on each. :eek:

[kalanamak]

Anyone have that one?

[Rhesa]

And I nearly snorted diet coke out of my nose reading it.

 

So I'm not the only one who hates-hates waxing!! :D

[sdWTMer]

Oh. My. Word! Too funny. I'm with Pam on this one!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Oh, I'm glad that laughter is the best medicine. I'm sitting here with a fever but I'm also laughing until I'm crying!

[mcconnellboys]

Hoo-Hoo????

 

Regena

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Hoo-Hoo????

 

Regena

 

No. Hoo-ha.

[Brigitte]

of these types of stories.

 

Absolutely, positively the funniest thing I have EVER read! And, this is not the first time I have read it and I still laughed until I cried.

[Elaine]

Was it Laney? You know the one where they couldn't do it right and I believe there was some sort of indecent exposure involved? If this sounds familiar and you happen to have it on your computer could you email it to me?

 

Thanks. :)

 

 

I wish I could take the credit because that story is hilarious!:D

[Little Debbie]

I have tears streaming down my face! There is nothing better than a good laugh...a REALLY good laugh. A stop breathing, shaking all over, crying good laugh. Thank you! I needed that! LOL!

 

Deb

[Old Dominion Heather]

Can't breathe... oh my gosh... it is even funnier than I remember it!

[Sugarfoot]

going to be one of those things that makes me laugh out loud whenever I remember it. Hopefully, that will only happen when I'm alone, because I don't think I could answer the question, "What's so funny?":)

[mcconnellboys]

Shouldn't there be some sort of hall of fame archive where posts such as this are preserved for posterity?

 

Regena

[Doran]

Speaking of Church Pat, what happened to her?

 

As I recall...I think this was the follow up to that same series of posts. There have been few times I've laughed any longer or louder.

 

Doran

[mcconnellboys]

OH. MY. Goodness. I am crying and spitting I'm laughing so hard..... Now I have to go to bed. Why did I ever think having psoriasis was so bad?

 

Regena

[WTMindy]

this time around!!! I love this new board, but it does kinda limit the silliness of the old board.

[shell in SC]

I also enjoyed Aubrey's (I think it was Aubrey) post on her trip to Walmart with many kids. It was on the old board a couple years ago.

[mom2tbcnm]

OH MY!!!! I am trying not to cry--this is soooo funny. I really needed a funny--gotta show this one to the hubby.

Thanks for sharing!

Katty

[PariSarah]

AKA "Pat the Bunny."

 

Her Avenging Maternity Ward Angel post was also . . . uh, memorable.

[Parabola]

OMG, that is the funniest thing I have read in YEARS. I have TEARS!

I started laughing here: Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

 

And I'm STILL LAUGHING. Hilarious! :lol::lol::lol: I need a tissue.

[Jenny in Atl]

Thank goodness I'm to inhibited to either buy one of those kits or go to one of those salons. Blinding pain, I think I will pass. :lol:

[ereks mom]

I laughed until I had tears running down my face!

[Faith]

I'm confused. This lady on this other board posted this as HER joke. Is this someones true experience or is this just an internet joke that goes around?

[runningirl71]

I. Can't. Breathe!!!

 

 

 

This is me too! Hysterical! And, just the other day I was thinking that maybe I should try waxing {I hate shaving my legs!} But, uh, now, I don't think so!!!

 

 

Still laughing . . . . :smilielol5:

 

And, I agree, these boards need to be christened with an equally funny story AND they should be archived somewhere easily accessible so we can all dip in and get a good laugh when we need it! :)

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I love this post! I needed a laugh today!

[Kimberly in IN]

I'm confused. This lady on this other board posted this as HER joke. Is this someones true experience or is this just an internet joke that goes around?

This story and the one about the glitter, extra effort at the gyno are from a book. Can't remember the name but a trivial, drivel, want to get away, waste an afternoon kind of book. Had already seen the stories on the board when I saw it in the book. Still laughed aloud.

[Faith]

This story and the one about the glitter, extra effort at the gyno are from a book. Can't remember the name but a trivial, drivel, want to get away, waste an afternoon kind of book. Had already seen the stories on the board when I saw it in the book. Still laughed aloud.

 

Okay, thanks.

[newbie]

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

 

Read on.........

 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

 

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

 

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

 

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

 

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

 

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

 

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

 

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

 

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!...

 

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

 

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe.................. OK, back to normal.

 

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

 

I hold up the strip!

 

There's no hair on it.

 

Where is the hair???

 

WHERE IS THE WAX???

 

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

 

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

 

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

 

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

 

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

 

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

 

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

 

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

 

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

 

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

 

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

 

I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

 

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

 

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

 

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

 

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

 

"IT WORKS!!

 

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....

 

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

 

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

 

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

 

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

 

I cant stop the tears. I think its funnier because I am an esthetician, its okay to inflict pain, but having it done on myself, there are the most loud horrible curse words you have ever heard.

 

At my salon, the buck stopped at Brazilian and men. Uh-huh, no way, take your money down the street. I am already going blind.

 

That reminds me, I so need to shave.

Jet

[Nakia]

My sides hurt, I am laughing so hard! Thanks for posting!!!!

[Rich with Kids]

 

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

 

 

 

Good Lord, stop! :lol:

[Tammyla]

Wow. That is still the funniest thing I've ever read. I think it was Church Pat.:D

[kls126s]

Oh.my.word!

:smilielol5:

 

I laughed so hard I was crying. I had to catch my breath before I could finish reading. My dh came and asked what was so funny and I just said, "oh, nothing!"

 

My dd went with me to watch me get my hair cut this weekend. I had them wax my eyebrows while I was there and dd asked me if it was going to hurt. I said "yes". She thought I was joking, and I assured her it really did hurt. She looked at me like I was an idiot and said "well then why do you do it?!?!"

 

Good question...

[duckens]

I'm going to have to go pee before I read any more of these. The toddler is still in bed, so I can't blame and accident on the living room floor on her!

[JeneralMom]

If you want a really good laugh go to www.amazon.co.uk and read the reviews for veet for men hair removal gel cream 200ml. I actually laughed so hard I (may have) wet myself a little.

[KungFuPanda]

That's why God made Nair.

[KungFuPanda]

If you want a really good laugh go to www.amazon.co.uk and read the reviews for veet for men hair removal gel cream 200ml. I actually laughed so hard I (may have) wet myself a little.

 

Holy Carp!!!!! My family thinks I'm insane now. I held it together for the original story on this thread, but I LOST it over those reviews.

[Seasider]

Holy Carp!!!!! My family thinks I'm insane now. I held it together for the original story on this thread, but I LOST it over those reviews.

 

 

ACK!!!!! Me, too. This is hysterical! My vocabulary has grown in a most colorful fashion today...!

[JeneralMom]

ACK!!!!! Me, too. This is hysterical! My vocabulary has grown in a most colorful fashion today...!

 

 

Glad to be of service

:laugh:

[MomtoCandJ]

Oh good God, way too funny

[BigMamaBird]

Oh dear!!!

 

That's hilarious!

[unsinkable]

am i the only one who never thought this was funny?

 

i also think it's pretty far-fetched...anatomically speaking, it doesn't make sense.

 

And who was the "man" who convinced her to put a phone in the bathroom?

[Guest inoubliable]

am i the only one who never thought this was funny?

 

i also think it's pretty far-fetched...anatomically speaking, it doesn't make sense.

 

And who was the "man" who convinced her to put a phone in the bathroom?

 

No. I'm with you. I've waxed a zillion times. Full on Brazilian. In salons and on my own with those exact strips. I cannot imagine a scenario like that ever happening. It just wasn't funny to me.

[unsinkable]

 

No. I'm with you. I've waxed a zillion times. Full on Brazilian. In salons and on my own with those exact strips. I cannot imagine a scenario like that ever happening. It just wasn't funny to me.

 

phew! it's nice to know i'm not alone!

[KungFuPanda]

am i the only one who never thought this was funny?

 

i also think it's pretty far-fetched...anatomically speaking, it doesn't make sense.

 

And who was the "man" who convinced her to put a phone in the bathroom?

 

We're going to have to see about getting you a bigger booty so that it makes sense!

 

Actually, I've never waxed. Maybe that's why I didn't question the details. However, if you read those amazon reviews with a straight face then you are dead inside.

[Guest inoubliable]

However, if you read those amazon reviews with a straight face then you are dead inside.

 

 

I'll admit to chuckling while reading those. The Amazon review that really gets me, though? The Raven-style review for Tuscan Whole Milk. Every. Time.