JAWM Kids friends issues

[Clarita]

Thanks everyone!

Edited February 3 by Clarita
Deleted.

[almondbutterandjelly]

For clarity, did your children attend the birthday party?

[Clarita]

Yes they did. I kept close tabs on DS7 and I didn't see him do anything terrible at the party. 

[almondbutterandjelly]

Sounds like she wants to try playdates with both kids again

[freesia]

That is so hard. I think you need to have the conversation if you want any chance of your way—including your older ds in the playdates. It doesn’t have to be about what a “monster” your child is. It’s as much about keeping her child safe. Your solution of having it at your house so there is a place for your child to go when his temper flares makes me wonder if being physical is not unusual for your child. I think the mom is not out of line being extremely cautious about play dates. One if the consequences of being physical in anger is that people don’t want to be your friend. I’m glad you gave consequences— the friend whose child was like this to my ds did not. But I wish I had protected my ds more and limited play dates and was honest with the mom about why. It didn’t do anyone any good the way I handled it which was hope for the best and not be direct. 

[bolt.]

I'm curious about what was in the follow-up message, after you had planned on agreeing to have a conversation, that changed your mind about wanting to have the conversation at all?

In general, wanting to talk like this, coming from her, could mean a lot of things. Of course, it could definitely be about your son's 'monstrous' difficulty in controlling angry impulses (which is not monstrous, it's just a stage of development) and playdates not being a good fit with their kiddo right now. It could also be about setting expectations for a cautious restart. It could even be about her or a person she knows having a similar struggle, and wanting your wise advice.

But it sounds like you are pretty sure you know where this actual conversation is going, based on the recent message, and you are choosing to opt out based on that data.

Opting out is fairly easy, if that's what you want to do. Text something like, "I know we planned on meeting for a chat on [x] day at [y] time, but I'm not going to be able to make it. I'm not sure how much more there is to say on the topic of [DS7], and honestly, it's quite a painful subject. I'd rather put this behind us and just stop having the kids spend time together until we both feel completely comfortable again. Thanks for your openness and understanding. Parenting is really tough sometimes!"

[Katy]

No 7 year old is a monster, and I wouldn’t tolerate that from a friend either. Continuing to punish a 7 year old for a lack of impulse control months ago would make me question her judgement more than my child’s.  I think I’d text something like, “I can’t do playdates with just my 5 year old. That will never work for our schedule. It’s both or nothing, and I will have that rule for the indefinite future.” That might mean she backs out on her own. 

[Clarita]

9 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I'm curious about what was in the follow-up message, after you had planned on agreeing to have a conversation, that changed your mind about wanting to have the conversation at all?

Well the first time a chat was proposed no details were given as to what the conversation was about. So I had proposed a time for the chat. I probed for more details because she was unhappy with the original proposed time. She said it would be about DS7, I had my reservations but said time is the absolute earliest I could do it. After that time was agreed upon, I got an additional voice message about this would be a discussion about how DS7 is negatively affecting our families' relationship. I changed my mind because I don't feel this way and it makes it seem to me like this is about my horrible 7 year old.   

I offered and agreed to no playdates already to protect her son (and mine). 

[teachermom2834]

Ugh. With the additional info I’d just cancel the meeting and be done with this person. There is nothing to discuss about how your child is impact your relationship with this other family other than the relationship with the other family is DONE.

My third boy was hell on wheels. He really was a handful and it did cost me some friendships because people just didn’t like having him around. I did discipline him. He was just a handful. But no one else bashing him did any good. 
 

I’ve BTDT and I’d just be done. Don’t need to have the conversation. See ya!

(btw…my kid is turning 21 yo this Sunday and he is amazing…super smart and hard working, model citizen)

[fraidycat]

Text back: There is nothing to discuss. Have a nice life. 👋🏼👋🏼

Edited February 2 by fraidycat

[Elizabeth86]

3 minutes ago, fraidycat said:

Text back: There is nothing to discuss. Have a nice life. 👋🏼👋🏼

I’m not sure if this good advice, but 💯 what I would do.

[teachermom2834]

7 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

I’m not sure if this good advice, but 💯 what I would do.

It is excellent advice. I’ve BTDT. The second you open yourself up to discussion people feel the right to say all kinds of crap. And how are they going to be friends after this anyway? 

[SKL]

Your child had one isolated incident months ago and this lady is incapable of forgiving a 7yo child for one incident?

This lady does not model the type of values I'd want either of my kids to learn.

[SKL]

Did her kid end up in the hospital or something?

I don't know, but from the sound of things, I don't feel like she can be trusted with my child.

What to say though ....

How about:  "The past behavior of a 7yo who has been disciplined is in the past.  I have taken age-appropriate steps to ensure it does not happen again.  If your family cannot put his past behavior in the past, then this is indeed affecting our friendship, but I don't think I have anything more to say about it."

[HomeAgain]

"I have provided solutions.  You seem to have picked the option of no playdates, and that's fine.  We don't need to discuss it again- the solutions have already been provided for you to choose from.  I wish you the best."

 

That's it.  It doesn't sound like this would be a healthy relationship for you to continue.

[BusyMom5]

She has one child and is a helicopter mom.  I would cut my losses and move on.  Tell her that kids misbehave sometimes- he was punished and it was a month ago.  If she's still hung up on it, it's her problem.   There is no need to have some big discussion about it, plan out a time to talk,  etc. 

If this is something that your son does regularly,  I would suggest looking into it with a Dr., but kids do impulsive things and one temper tantrum us not grounds to end a friendship. 

[Katy]

You could say, “Are you feeling okay? I know you know enough about kids to be aware it’s normal for them to lack impulse control. But you seem to be fixated on a mistake a child made months ago. If you can’t forgive and move on then I’ll need to keep him away from you for his safety. But this isn’t like you. Is there some way I can help?”

[Faith-manor]

"At this time, I am not able to go forward with a relationship for Dd and your child. Best wishes, no hard feelings." Don't respond to future texts or answer that number if she calls.

Some relationships require way too much planning and energy to maintain at present. That doesn't mean that when the kids are a lot older, they couldn't reconnect socially. But, a hard firm boundary of not happening is good for now. 

 

[teachermom2834]

I suspect the other mom will have a laundry list of perceived offenses this child has committed and not just the one from months ago. Just my hunch. 
 

Edited February 2 by teachermom2834

[Jaybee]

3 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

I suspect the other mom will have a laundry list of perceived offenses this child has committed and not just the one from months ago. Just my hunch. 
 

Yes, I'm thinking that your ds7 has come up in more recent conversations. Is it possible that he said or did something that you were not aware of? Whether he did or not, I would not continue the playdates, as it doesn't seem like a safe option for him. It isn't good for any kid to feel like they are always the "bad guy," and it is also possible that her child is instigating things subtly. Maybe, maybe not. It is also possible that her child is pushing for playdates and she doesn't want to say no, and can't figure out how to deal with it. Personally, it sounds like more drama with the mom than I would be willing to enter in to. 

[Heartstrings]

Is this a pattern with the 7 yo or a relatively limited thing?   
Honestly, I have a hard time being friends with that type of anxious hover-mother.  Everything is just taken so seriously and I just can’t.  

[Jaybee]

And a p.s.: You and your son are not responsible for their family's relationships. The solution to that is to cut off playdates, which you have already suggested. If the issue is that their child is insisting that he should get to play with just one of them, well, parents have to deal with those kinds of things all the time, and it is nobody else's responsibility. The only exception I would see to that last statement is if there is a public activity where one child is ruining experiences for everybody else, and no one does anything about it. That is not your situation, though.

[teachermom2834]

The red flag that this was never going to work out was that the lady had the nerve to ever at any point suggest only having playdates with the one child of OP. C’mon now that is a lot of nerve. To say, and expect to remain friends, that we want to have a playdate with one kid but not the other just is next level. Like maybe it is something we have all thought about families from time to time but to actually go there and say it is BOLD. 

So I think this has been doomed for awhile. Thats not really behavior conducive to friendly family relationships. It’s just one of those “you just can’t say that” things. 
 

 

[Catwoman]

3 hours ago, Clarita said:

Well the first time a chat was proposed no details were given as to what the conversation was about. So I had proposed a time for the chat. I probed for more details because she was unhappy with the original proposed time. She said it would be about DS7, I had my reservations but said time is the absolute earliest I could do it. After that time was agreed upon, I got an additional voice message about this would be a discussion about how DS7 is negatively affecting our families' relationship. I changed my mind because I don't feel this way and it makes it seem to me like this is about my horrible 7 year old.   

I offered and agreed to no playdates already to protect her son (and mine). 

I'd tell the woman where she could stick her "chat" and her playdates.

Why would you want any kind of relationship with someone who clearly dislikes your 7yo son to such an extreme level???

Does she think you should drop your son off at the pound so your families can have a nice, happy friendship? Because clearly you need to get rid of him so her kid can have playdates with your dd and your families can do things together without that pesky son of yours.

I don't even know her and I can see that she's an arrogant, controlling jerk.

Ditch her and her family and don't look back! Your son deserves nothing less!

Edited February 2 by Catwoman

[almondbutterandjelly]

Oh, dang, with that new information, I would totally cut that person off.  Since I'm not confrontational, I would cancel the conversation and ghost her.

[Catwoman]

3 minutes ago, almondbutterandjelly said:

Oh, dang, with that new information, I would totally cut that person off.  Since I'm not confrontational, I would cancel the conversation and ghost her.

I would totally confront her and not be even remotely pleasant about it, but I don't have any issues with confrontation when someone insults a member of my family. 

[Clarita]

Thank you everyone for the advice. 

1 hour ago, teachermom2834 said:

The red flag that this was never going to work out was that the lady had the nerve to ever at any point suggest only having playdates with the one child of OP. C’mon now that is a lot of nerve. To say, and expect to remain friends, that we want to have a playdate with one kid but not the other just is next level. Like maybe it is something we have all thought about families from time to time but to actually go there and say it is BOLD. 

I was floored when that was suggested. I stopped the conversation right there so I wouldn't say anything I would regret then. But, DS7 is my oldest and I'm not sure if this is a normal thing.

2 hours ago, BusyMom5 said:

If this is something that your son does regularly,  I would suggest looking into it with a Dr., but kids do impulsive things and one temper tantrum us not grounds to end a friendship. 

In full honesty, we did see a Dr. 2 and a half years ago (there's a thread on here somewhere of me asking about it). Doctor(s) told me to wait and see for improvement and there has been major improvements. Psychologist thought it could be situational depression and wanted to see if things got better when pandemic restrictions were lifted. Indeed 2 months after my discussion with psychologist he behaved much more like a normal active (albeit slightly bossy) little boy. At the time I asked the adult leadership of our activities to report anything inappropriate that happens at the activities, it's been 2 years and no inappropriate behavior has been reported.

2 hours ago, Jaybee said:

Yes, I'm thinking that your ds7 has come up in more recent conversations. Is it possible that he said or did something that you were not aware of? Whether he did or not, I would not continue the playdates, as it doesn't seem like a safe option for him. It isn't good for any kid to feel like they are always the "bad guy," and it is also possible that her child is instigating things subtly. Maybe, maybe not.

After speaking with DS7, there was a soccer game and capture the flag game that got physical (I did see a bit of that all the 6-8 year old boys involved were getting equally physical - soccer fouls happened). What I didn't know was friend's child blamed DS7 for shoving, when friend's child got in trouble for shoving. All I saw was all the boys sent inside and friend's child getting a talking to from his father.  

Quotes from DS7 about the party:

"N was trying to get me in trouble" (about soccer/capture the flag)

"I tried to mind my own business..." (about some other time during the party)

No, this is not a safe space for my child. We will not be having anymore playdates. DD5 only recalls friend's child throwing balls at other children, because DD5 "ran away and got outta there". 

2 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

I would totally confront her and not be even remotely pleasant about it, but I don't have any issues with confrontation when someone insults a member of my family. 

I'm on the fence about being confrontational. No fear of it but I know I can have a hot temper. I'm definitely not in a good headspace right now after asking my children about the party. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I had(have) a child with significant behaviors due to autism and there were people who wanted to scapegoat him, thought he was horrible, didn’t want him around but invited my daughter, etc.

Those people got swiftly and ruthlessly cut out of my life.

Looking back those were generally people with an only child who was well mannered and neurotypical, and the parents patted themselves on their back over how well their kids behaved instead of recognizing it was more of an accident of genetics or lack of trauma.

In the decade since some have been humbled and some have not. I still don’t associate with them.

[Faith-manor]

One other red flag I thought of is, "How does she talk about your son in the presence of her child?" I would be very concerned about the possibility that play time with your Dd and her child could lead to an influence on Dd that she should develop an adversarial relationship with her brother. This would have me on edge enough to not want to pursue anything further with this family.

[fraidycat]

Sorry! Couldn't get rid of the quote at first.

Sounds like a case of 'friend's little angel can do no wrong'. There really is nothing to discuss, at all in that case.

I once had a discussion with a mom who "witnessed my child being mean to her child" by not letting her sit in the same bus seat as her. It took a bit of chatting, but eventually  she confessed the part where her child hip-checked mine first and she refused to share her seat in response to that. She could not get it through her head that her child was the jerk in the situation. I told her if her kid touched mine again that she'd soon discover who can be a real jerk if need be.

 

Edited February 2 by fraidycat

[Heartstrings]

2 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

One other red flag I thought of is, "How does she talk about your son in the presence of her child?" I would be very concerned about the possibility that play time with your Dd and her child could lead to an influence on Dd that she should develop an adversarial relationship with her brother. This would have me on edge enough to not want to pursue anything further with this family.

I wonder if that’s why the child tried to throw son under the bus during the soccer/capture the flag incident.  The child must have thought son was a good target, perhaps due to hearing her parents talk poorly about son.  

[kbutton]

This sounds like a possible landmine since she went global.

I don’t think that splitting kids up for play dates is always inappropriate or bad. The homeschooling community is one of the few places where I’ve seen it frowned upon, and I don’t know if the other family homeschools.

Neither of my kids is neurotypical, and play dates were often fraught. Often, the other kids were either also not NT (but parents had their head in the sand), or their NT kid/s instigated. NT kids often know how much to push and when to back off before getting noticed.

A lot of times, we just chose to limit contact to times and situations that we felt could be handled vs. blowing up friendships. We worked for successfully scaffolded opportunities.

But going global is a red flag.

Separately, even if your kid had issues that improved, it doesn’t mean whatever caused those issues went away entirely—as a parent of kids who were diagnosed with some stuff very late, I would keep that in mind. Not because of the playdates but just because it’s never bad to get an eval and know more about what your kid needs or might need later, but it stinks if they get by until they are too old to do much about an issue, and then they struggle in late teens or college. 

 

Edited February 2 by kbutton

[Catwoman]

26 minutes ago, Clarita said:

I'm on the fence about being confrontational. No fear of it but I know I can have a hot temper. I'm definitely not in a good headspace right now after asking my children about the party. 

I guess you have to ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen if you get confrontational and lose your temper. 

I think the most important consideration is your son and his feelings. Your son needs to know that you will have his back and will not tolerate this woman treating him poorly or speaking negatively about him. If you can do that without confronting the woman and you won't constantly kick yourself later for not giving her a piece of your mind about this, that's absolutely fine. It may very well be the most sensible choice.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't tell the woman what I thought of her and her attitude toward my child, but as I mentioned, I have no problem with confrontation when someone is insulting a family member, and if other people don't like it when they hear about what happened, oh well, it sucks to be them, because I'm going to defend my family no matter what.

But I also realize that my way won't work for many people, so I think you should do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. But do what makes you feel right; don't worry about that idiot woman's feelings at all. She certainly isn't worried about insulting your family or saying uncomfortable and negative things to you about your son. Her feelings don't matter here at all.

[gardenmom5]

5 hours ago, Clarita said:

Yes they did. I kept close tabs on DS7 and I didn't see him do anything terrible at the party. 

what does that mean? and were your eyes on him the entire time?

4 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

Ugh. With the additional info I’d just cancel the meeting and be done with this person. There is nothing to discuss about how your child is impact your relationship with this other family other than the relationship with the other family is DONE.

My third boy was hell on wheels. He really was a handful and it did cost me some friendships because people just didn’t like having him around. I did discipline him. He was just a handful. But no one else bashing him did any good. 
 

I’ve BTDT and I’d just be done. Don’t need to have the conversation. See ya!

(btw…my kid is turning 21 yo this Sunday and he is amazing…super smart and hard working, model citizen)

I had one I had to watch like a hawk whenever he was around *anyone* (but especially kids younger than him.)  He wasn't being deliberately mean - he was very inappropriate in his play.  (as in, he liked to play super rough).  When he was in a swimming pool, I literally was pacing the side watching him and reminding him of what constituted appropriate behavior.   He would try to engage in inappropriate behavior because he thought he was playing. Other kids didn't think it was fun. (no - you may NOT splash the little kids! - big kids could/would defend themselves and he'd back off).  I followed him around on the side, and if he splashed, he was out for five minutes.  that didn't mean he'd get out, I'd frequently have to argue/threaten with more time-out to the point if I had to come in the pool to get him he wasn't going to get back in that day.).  He was a super difficult child, even professionals threw up their hands in frustration. (I can think of at least five medical professionals, including one of whom flat-out refused to take him as a patient.)  But he's grown into a very nice young man.  (though still has debilitating issues.)

Last spring (and in NOV?)  he went with 2dd to Great Wolf.  She was so appreciative about how much help he was with her boys.  (especially very challenging 1dgs, who is five. He can be very sweet, BUT, he gets frustrated/angry very easily, and likes to hit, kick, pinch, bite . . and I have had the scratches and bruises to prove it.  we all recognize there is an unrecognized need that he is incapable of articulating, and we as the adults need to figure it out before it reaches that point he acts on the negative impulse.  I'm still patting myself on the back for one instance in Sep.  He came into the living room at 10pm. (he was supposed to be in bed, and he knew it.)  saw me, and I could see the switches flipping in his head. . . he was getting ready to run at me yelling he wanted to hurt grandma right before he would start hitting me.  I had about five seconds (if I was lucky) to defuse it.  inspiration struck. He was holding a transformer.  "tell me about your transformers".  His countenance completely changed. He then ran to me, jumped up on the sofa and started telling me all about them.) 

We're going down in April for the eclipse, and I'm sure he'll be a huge help at the trampoline park with my grandsons. Or at least the backyard trampoline.

3 hours ago, Jaybee said:

Yes, I'm thinking that your ds7 has come up in more recent conversations. Is it possible that he said or did something that you were not aware of? Whether he did or not, I would not continue the playdates, as it doesn't seem like a safe option for him. It isn't good for any kid to feel like they are always the "bad guy," and it is also possible that her child is instigating things subtly. Maybe, maybe not. It is also possible that her child is pushing for playdates and she doesn't want to say no, and can't figure out how to deal with it. Personally, it sounds like more drama with the mom than I would be willing to enter in to. 

years ago, a very dear older (and long deceased) lady of my acquaintance shared a story about two of her grandsons. (a few years older than the OPs.)  the older one - was *always* in trouble.  They came to stay with her - she was the cool grandma that would have super soaker fights.   After watching them very closely, she realized the "angelic" younger one, was *always* very subtlety needling the "troublemaker" until he snapped.  And of course, he'd get in trouble.
She took "angel" aside and explained the facts of life to him.  She told him what she'd seen. She warned him for the future going forward. If his brother did anything to him - HE would be the one being disciplined and suffering her consequences.  They all had a lovely visit, and nothing untoward happened between the brothers.  And you can bet she let their parents know what she saw!

 

[fairfarmhand]

“Im sorry. That will no longer work for me. If the antics of a 7 year old can wreck the relationship between 2 families, I guess this is a bad fit. In my mind, adults can separate childish behavior from relationship issues, but I suppose I was mistaken in that assumption.”

[MiddleCourt]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

I don’t think that splitting kids up for play dates is always inappropriate or bad. The homeschooling community is one of the few places where I’ve seen it frowned upon, and I don’t know if the other family homeschools.

I think that’s just because if playdates happen during school hours, all the kids have to come. Who’s going to watch the uninvited kids? I don’t think it’s specifically a homeschool thing. If someone invites one of my kids over to play, I’m happy for them to go by themselves. But if mom wants to hang out with me too, all my kids are coming. 

[kbutton]

8 minutes ago, MiddleCourt said:

I think that’s just because if playdates happen during school hours, all the kids have to come. Who’s going to watch the uninvited kids? I don’t think it’s specifically a homeschool thing. If someone invites one of my kids over to play, I’m happy for them to go by themselves. But if mom wants to hang out with me too, all my kids are coming. 

Yeah, it sounded like it might be sometimes together and sometimes not. But yes, I agree that if it’s everyone, it’s everyone, and then people just need to strategize what to do if there are kids who struggle.

[KungFuPanda]

That’s a LOT of drama for kids acting like kids. How bad could “the incident” be that there are meetings about it months later. I think I’d make other play dates and let the high strung mother search for perfect children to have over. 

[Clarita]

24 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

what does that mean? and were your eyes on him the entire time?

Probably not the entire entire time. There was probably about ~15min total at the party where I didn't have eyes on him, a few minutes of those he was in the bathroom by himself.  I checked in on his position when I heard squeals (also as a 7 year old he has an obvious tell when he's angry). 

DS7's big problem is not being able to back down from a fight. So his indiscretions are not going to be subtle either. He has always owned up to getting in trouble, usually he just gives me some 7 year old reason for why he was justified in misbehaving. 

[SKL]

I agree that the lady has a perfect child who needs perfect playmates.  Good luck to her.

When my kid was in 1st, her teacher informed me that she punched another girl in the stomach.  (I learned later that it was because the other girl wouldn't let go of my kid's arm ... there's always more to the story.)  Anyhoo ... that girl's mom is now a good friend of mine, who has no recollection of that 1st grade incident.  (The incident was not repeated.  1st graders sometimes have to learn correct behavior through the process of trying incorrect behavior.)

The "friend" in the OP doesn't seem to be a real friend.  She seems invested only in making sure her child's world is perfect, even at the expense of others' feelings. 

Thinking more about what to say to that "friend" ... if you want to respond, I wouldn't blame you.  Perhaps "actually I don't need a discussion with you about my child's faults; if I need that conversation I'll have it with a professional.  There is also no need for our children to play together.  I wish Little Joey all the best."  Or you could just ignore her calls, texts, and every invitation she sends your way.  But whatever you do, don't let your kids think that ds7 is somehow the cause of heartache for dd5 or anyone else in the family.  He's just learning and it's not easy.  A well-adjusted adult should recognize this.  Even if a kid is hell on wheels, one protects one's own child from that by avoiding encounters via polite and diplomatic excuses, not by openly excluding the child and trashing him.

If your child asks why there haven't been more play-dates, what will you say?  Our plans just never seem to line up?

[SKL]

2 hours ago, kbutton said:

Neither of my kids is neurotypical, and play dates were often fraught. Often, the other kids were either also not NT (but parents had their head in the sand), or their NT kid/s instigated. NT kids often know how much to push and when to back off before getting noticed

 

Instigation is real.  My younger kid (Kid2) is a big instigator, but most people view her as the golden child, the "victim" of her sister.  Kid1 isn't sneaky and will admit what she's done.  Kid2 will keep quiet and watch Kid1 get in trouble.  Come to think of it, I had siblings like this too.  I guess it's just another primitive coping mechanism for challenging transactions in a complex world.

Well, that's another reason we need to be even more careful about watching our kids if they are vulnerable to this sort of manipulation.  Or, avoid play dates with perfect children.  😛

[Heartstrings]

2 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

After watching them very closely, she realized the "angelic" younger one, was *always* very subtlety needling the "troublemaker" until he snapped.  And of course, he'd get in trouble.

This is so often the case.  It’s sad that more adults don’t recognize it.

[Clarita]

2 hours ago, SKL said:

If your child asks why there haven't been more play-dates, what will you say?  Our plans just never seem to line up?

He won't ask because he knows why from December when we put the stop to playdates. He's behavior then made his friend feel unsafe. So we are respecting that and giving them space. 

2 hours ago, SKL said:

Instigation is real.  My younger kid (Kid2) is a big instigator, but most people view her as the golden child, the "victim" of her sister.  Kid1 isn't sneaky and will admit what she's done.  Kid2 will keep quiet and watch Kid1 get in trouble.

Funny DD5 is kid 2 as well. She's got DS7 wrapped around her little finger. DH and I and grandma and grandpa are not clueless to her antics, but DS7 keeps falling for it. She pulls these stunts when DS7 doesn't want to do what she wants to do. So she tries to get him to hit her and get hugs and kisses from him, then asks him again to play her game. I have to explain these facts of life on both sides but DS7 keeps indulging her.

[Halftime Hope]

I'm with all the other posters here, but more for your own well-being. Why on earth would you want to continue a relationship with someone around whom you are always going to feel on edge?