Instant off putting ?

[Murphy101]

I’m taking some classes and one of them is second semester Korean.  And we had a dialogue practice session last week. One of the other students was commenting that she too doesn’t have anyone to talk to in house.

So I texted her: Hi, it’s Murphy from this week’s korean dialogue session.  I was wondering if you are in a study group?

and she responded with:

“Hi sweetie! I don’t have any study buddy.”

and I instantly decided not to even mark the message read.  Just nope.

If it matters, we are roughly the same age. If anything I think I might have a couple years on her. But knowing it’s not always easy for us not so young anymore ppl to get welcomed into class activities - that’s part of why I texted her. But now I’m all nope. That’s weird and I don’t need to invite weird into my already naturally weird enough life. 

I mentioned it to my Dh and he paused and said she sounds like a grandma being motherly.  Does she know you are closer to her age?  Maybe be ignore it? 

Well okay. Now I’m second guessing myself. I’ve been called honey or dear or pretty lady or whatever but never sweetie. Idk. Sweetie seems.. off to me.  Idk maybe that’s witchy of me?

Opinions?

[pinball]

I think you’re over reacting.

She responded *sweetly* in my book and to write her off is baffling to me

[prairiewindmomma]

I personally hate being called all of the syrupy things, but I try not to be irritated by it.  One of the lovely things about moving to where we live now is that people don't use syrupy phrases (honey, sweetie, sugar) with reference to each other.  

How badly do you need a study partner? Can you handle being around her? Some people are just too bubbly fake for me to look at without rolling my eyes.

[Rosie_0801]

Last time a mate called me "doll" I threatened to fill his letterbox with plastic cheese if he ever did it again.

But most of the rest of the vague terms of endearment I take in my stride from most people.

[marbel]

That in itself would not put me off a person. Without knowing anything else about your communications with her, I'm kinda confused by your reaction.

Most of my life I've been around women who call other women things like sweetie, doll, honey. It really doesn't register with me as a negative at all. I don't tend to use them myself though.

Edited November 5, 2023 by marbel

[Catwoman]

8 minutes ago, pinball said:

I think you’re over reacting.

She responded *sweetly* in my book and to write her off is baffling to me

 

Just now, marbel said:

That in itself would not put me off a person. Without knowing anything else about your communications with her, I'm kinda confused by your reaction.

Yes, I agree. Also, Murphy was the one who approached the woman to ask her if she was in a study group and the woman replied to her, so it would seem incredibly rude to ghost her. 

I don't understand why a single word would be enough to evoke such a strong negative reaction, but I think the woman deserves a reply, even if it's to say that it turns out Murphy is too busy to get together to study after all.

[Ginevra]

I would give her a chance. If I were her, I would probably think *you* were being weird. I mean, who texts someone about study partnering and then ghosts when they text back? 
 

Where I live, a lot of the older generation calls everyone “Hon”, “Honey” or - older men especially - “Darlin’”. She probably just comes from wherever sweetie feels normal.

If you need a study partner and she’s more in your age cohort, it seems like she would be the logical partner. You aren’t marrying her, and you can keep it to class work only; no developing a friendship. When the class is over, that’s it. 

[regentrude]

I don't use these terms of endearment  myself, but I take it as a person wanting to be friendly. When it's another woman, it doesn't bother me. (However,  it would bother me seriously if said by a man in a professional setting.)

You want a study buddy, not a soul mate. 

Edited November 5, 2023 by regentrude

[Murphy101]

6 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I personally hate being called all of the syrupy things, but I try not to be irritated by it.  One of the lovely things about moving to where we live now is that people don't use syrupy phrases (honey, sweetie, sugar) with reference to each other.  

How badly do you need a study partner? Can you handle being around her? Some people are just too bubbly fake for me to look at without rolling my eyes.

I actually don’t need a study group. I have two that are almost too big. I was wondering if she needed or wanted a study group. If so, I would ask mine if they want to open it to another person.

I guess what gets me is that I’m used to honey, dear, ….

but

Okay. Maybe I’m the weird one. Wouldn’t be the first time. I’ll unpack my own baggage and give it some more thought.

[Faith-manor]

Just now, Murphy101 said:

I actually don’t need a study group. I have two that are almost too big. I was wondering if she needed or wanted a study group. If so, I would ask mine if they want to open it to another person.

I guess what gets me is that I’m used to honey, dear, ….

but

Okay. Maybe I’m the weird one. Wouldn’t be the first time. I’ll unpack my own baggage and give it some more thought.

I too absolutely hate and despise such familiarity among people who are strangers or mere acquaintances. I really have to swallow my tongue when I travel down south because it is pretty disrespectful to have the guy at the McD's drive thru who has never seen me a day in his life to that point, call me "Sweetheart" when he hands me my change. I have also heard darlin' and honey. Why? It is a habit that needs to be dropped because it is inappropriate, and if those terms are also used for close, loved ones, it makes the terms meaningless. I rank it right up there with a boss/manager using that kind of terminology with me. Just don't.

But, I also wouldn't say anything either, just grift my teeth and move on. So I would probably respond with "There are two study groups currently. Here are the names of their leaders. However, they are pretty full and I am not certain if they can include more people so late in the semester." Then let it drop.

I get it. I also think it is worth letting go.

 

[Rebel]

I have been called all of those terms of endearment by other women that are strangers, but I live in the south. It does not bother me.

[Ting Tang]

45 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I’m taking some classes and one of them is second semester Korean.  And we had a dialogue practice session last week. One of the other students was commenting that she too doesn’t have anyone to talk to in house.

So I texted her: Hi, it’s Murphy from this week’s korean dialogue session.  I was wondering if you are in a study group?

and she responded with:

“Hi sweetie! I don’t have any study buddy.”

and I instantly decided not to even mark the message read.  Just nope.

If it matters, we are roughly the same age. If anything I think I might have a couple years on her. But knowing it’s not always easy for us not so young anymore ppl to get welcomed into class activities - that’s part of why I texted her. But now I’m all nope. That’s weird and I don’t need to invite weird into my already naturally weird enough life. 

I mentioned it to my Dh and he paused and said she sounds like a grandma being motherly.  Does she know you are closer to her age?  Maybe be ignore it? 

Well okay. Now I’m second guessing myself. I’ve been called honey or dear or pretty lady or whatever but never sweetie. Idk. Sweetie seems.. off to me.  Idk maybe that’s witchy of me?

Opinions?

If it is any consolation, I dislike the use of that word, too.  Sometimes women use it is a derogatory way.  

[Murphy101]

4 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

If it is any consolation, I dislike the use of that word, too.  Sometimes women use it is a derogatory way.  

This!  And she’s from New York so it’s not a southern girl just being southern kind of thing. Though I’ve never heard a southerner woman call a female peer that in writing. Verbally is comes off with a “bless your heart” vibe from female peers. 

But apparently I’m the off one to have that reaction. 🤷‍♀️

[Catwoman]

3 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

This!  And she’s from New York so it’s not a southern girl just being southern kind of thing. Though I’ve never heard a southerner woman call a female peer that in writing. Verbally is comes off with a “bless your heart” vibe from female peers. 

But apparently I’m the off one to have that reaction. 🤷‍♀️

Except that it's very obvious that she was using the term in a friendly way in her message to you.

[Murphy101]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

Except that it's very obvious that she was using the term in a friendly way in her message to you.

Except that’s obviously not how I read it.

Again. I’m happy enough to be wrong. 

[gardenmom5]

I agree with your dh - she sounds like a grandma. (OR - she thinks she's talking to an elderly grandma) I would find it off putting.
But I had a store clerk who *repeatedly* kept calling me "dear" - It was so grating, I about blew a gasket.  Yeah - she was younger than me, but not that much younger. . . . .And that was probably ten years ago . . . .

[Catwoman]

2 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Except that’s obviously not how I read it.

Again. I’m happy enough to be wrong. 

I really do think she was just trying to be friendly. I can see how it came across very awkwardly to you, though.

And as a NYC girl, I can tell you that some New Yorkers use the term, "sweetie," too, but they don't mean it in a catty way, so maybe that's why I'm seeing this differently than you are.

But if even you're getting  a weird vibe from her message, I still think you owe her some kind of reply, because you contacted her first and she was kind enough to reply.

[EKS]

40 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I was wondering if she needed or wanted a study group. If so, I would ask mine if they want to open it to another person.

I'd assume that she's trying to be friendly and ask the group if she can join.

[gardenmom5]

54 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Yes, I agree. Also, Murphy was the one who approached the woman to ask her if she was in a study group and the woman replied to her, so it would seem incredibly rude to ghost her. 

I don't understand why a single word would be enough to evoke such a strong negative reaction, but I think the woman deserves a reply, even if it's to say that it turns out Murphy is too busy to get together to study after all.

It can feel very condescending.   

 

13 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

This!  And she’s from New York so it’s not a southern girl just being southern kind of thing. Though I’ve never heard a southerner woman call a female peer that in writing. Verbally is comes off with a “bless your heart” vibe from female peers. 

But apparently I’m the off one to have that reaction. 🤷‍♀️

Then I'm off with you.  I'd *never* expect that from a new yorker .  . . 

[EKS]

16 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

But apparently I’m the off one to have that reaction. 🤷‍♀️

You're not off.  I thought it was weird too.  But I think she's just trying to be nice.  

[marbel]

I've never lived in the south and still  I've heard people use those sorts of words so much wherever I have lived. When I was working in silicon valley in the early 90s, one of my colleagues - a 30ish female - often called her coworkers "Doll." It was said in a friendly way, and if anyone had a negative thought about it, they kept it to themselves.  

Edited November 6, 2023 by marbel

[Elizabeth86]

Wait, what? Because she called you sweetie? I live in Appalachia and that’s just what any stranger would call a stranger. Usually honey. Age really doesn’t matter.

[Pawz4me]

9 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

And as a NYC girl, I can tell you that some New Yorkers use the term, "sweetie," too, but they don't mean it in a catty way, so maybe that's why I'm seeing this differently than you are.

 

 

3 minutes ago, marbel said:

I've never lived in the south and I've heard people use those sorts of words so much. When I was working in silicon valley in the early 90s, one of my colleagues - a 30ish female - often called her coworkers "Doll." It was said in a friendly way, and if anyone had a negative thought about it, they kept it to themselves.  

Yeah. When people say or imply the use of those sorts of words is solely a southern thing I assume that person hasn't traveled much. I've heard them used all over the country. I don't use them myself--I'm too reserved. But they don't bother me as long as there's no clear condescension. Otherwise . . it's just a friendly thing. Why take offense?

[bookbard]

I hear sweetie and babe and hun (or see them in texts) and I guess they just sound like the kind of word that person uses. I use 'mate' a lot (not in texts though) and I remember co-workers used to laugh at that (I was from the country and was working in the city). I think it's a combination of class, culture and what stuff they watch. 

[gardenmom5]

Tone of voice matters so much in communication- and that is lost when texting.

I've been around women who obviously use it for everyone, and they're cheerful.  No offense,
But that one clerk . . . It really was vocal tone that was grating me so badly.   

[Murphy101]

4 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

 

Yeah. When people say or imply the use of those sorts of words is solely a southern thing I assume that person hasn't traveled much. I've heard them used all over the country. I don't use them myself--I'm too reserved. But they don't bother me as long as there's no clear condescension. Otherwise . . it's just a friendly thing. Why take offense?

I have heard all kinds of thoughtless endearing terms used with strangers my entire life. I’d find it odd if a women my own age called me sweetie at the grocery store but beyond mild taken aback I would not think much about it.

But this was written communication between two older women classmates. I’ve never had a man or woman I was not already very close personally to give me a written term of endearment beyond Dear Mrs Murphy in my entire life.  I’ve never had a classmate or coworker address me that way in *writing* of any kind before.  Are all y’all saying it is perfectly normal to get text or emails from strangers or classmates or whatever calling you terms of endearment like sweetie?

That seems just bizarre to me.

[El...]

A much younger woman called me Sweetheart the other day! She was working as a waitress and I was there for lunch. It startled me, but I assumed she was either being nice or a tad cute in a role. 

[marbel]

3 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I have heard all kinds of thoughtless endearing terms used with strangers my entire life. I’d find it odd if a women my own age called me sweetie at the grocery store but beyond mild taken aback I would not think much about it.

But this was written communication between two older women classmates. I’ve never had a man or woman I was not already very close personally to give me a written term of endearment beyond Dear Mrs Murphy in my entire life.  I’ve never had a classmate or coworker address me that way in *writing* of any kind before.  Are all y’all saying it is perfectly normal to get text or emails from strangers or classmates or whatever calling you terms of endearment like sweetie?

That seems just bizarre to me.

Maybe she just texts like she talks. Some people do that. 

Maybe she was so happy to be asked about a study group that she wanted to show her enthusiasm. Or not, who knows? 

But sure, go ahead and ignore the woman's response to your unsolicited communication because she used a greeting you aren't comfortable with. Bonus: that'll probably ensure she never speaks to you again.  

Sorry for my nasty tone but I am upset on behalf of your classmate. 

[Tap]

Honestly, it wasn't until you explained the 'sweetie' part at the end of your post, that I had any clue what you were upset about. It just doesn't even ping my radar to be called generic terms of endearment.  Some people scatter them about so freely, that it would feel rude to them, to not use them. 

I would say give her a chance and let go of whatever that word means to you. Bonus! Maybe you can come up with a Korean term you prefer!

[Shoeless]

5 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I have heard all kinds of thoughtless endearing terms used with strangers my entire life. I’d find it odd if a women my own age called me sweetie at the grocery store but beyond mild taken aback I would not think much about it.

But this was written communication between two older women classmates. I’ve never had a man or woman I was not already very close personally to give me a written term of endearment beyond Dear Mrs Murphy in my entire life.  I’ve never had a classmate or coworker address me that way in *writing* of any kind before.  Are all y’all saying it is perfectly normal to get text or emails from strangers or classmates or whatever calling you terms of endearment like sweetie?

That seems just bizarre to me.

Most people do not view texting as formal, written communication. They view it as casual conversation. 

This has nothing to do with being from New York. I grew up in NY, splitting my time between Queens and the suburbs. Women call each other sweetie sometimes there, too.  I've been called sweetie, doll, dolly, hon, bubbie, bubbalah, and sugar by women of all ages. I've also been "Hey girl!"-ed by women my age (50s). 

I feel like you're looking for offense where there is none.  

[Tap]

10 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I have heard all kinds of thoughtless endearing terms used with strangers my entire life. I’d find it odd if a women my own age called me sweetie at the grocery store but beyond mild taken aback I would not think much about it.

But this was written communication between two older women classmates. I’ve never had a man or woman I was not already very close personally to give me a written term of endearment beyond Dear Mrs Murphy in my entire life.  I’ve never had a classmate or coworker address me that way in *writing* of any kind before.  Are all y’all saying it is perfectly normal to get text or emails from strangers or classmates or whatever calling you terms of endearment like sweetie?

That seems just bizarre to me.

Yep! Totally normal for some people! I answer the phone, and help people in written format, all day long in my job. Terms of endearment are just part of how some people talk. The only ones I would bristle at are ones that are specifically used for partners, 'babe', 'honey', 'lover' etc. Even then, if I knew someone accidentally said it, I wouldn't care. I get told 'I love you' periodically by patients as the are hanging up the phone, just cause they absentmindedly closed the call like they probably do when talking to family. 

[Murphy101]

1 minute ago, marbel said:

Maybe she just texts like she talks. Some people do that. 

Maybe she was so happy to be asked about a study group that she wanted to show her enthusiasm. Or not, who knows? 

But sure, go ahead and ignore the woman's response to your unsolicited communication because she used a greeting you aren't comfortable with. Bonus: that'll probably ensure she never speaks to you again.  

Sorry for my nasty tone but I am upset on behalf of your classmate. 

So this begs the question…

Do you respond to text or emails from people you don’t know or barely know addressing them as “sweetie”?

Is that why you are upset on her behalf?

I’m not really looking to be offended so much as I was put off by it.  Generally speaking, not engaging until one figures out why they are put off or if they should be put off is a reasonable response imo.  Better than hastily responding negatively at least.  Though obviously that is an option too. 

[gardenmom5]

23 minutes ago, El... said:

A much younger woman called me Sweetheart the other day! She was working as a waitress and I was there for lunch. It startled me, but I assumed she was either being nice or a tad cute in a role. 

maybe she's telling you she thinks you're her mother's age.

[Murphy101]

I’m truly mind blown here. 

So basicly all y’all are telling me it’s perfectly normal for strangers to text or email addressing you by endearments at school or at work?

That random weird customer? Sure.

That one person whose message you immediately file in a special folder to forward to HR? Sure.

But just anyone pretty much a given all the time?

I get that she might have just had an awkward intro but that’s okay.  God knows I’ve been there and done that myself. 

But the texting randomly with endearments is not my experience and is so odd to me.

[Catwoman]

7 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

So this begs the question…

Do you respond to text or emails from people you don’t know or barely know addressing them as “sweetie”?

Is that why you are upset on her behalf?

I’m not really looking to be offended so much as I was put off by it.  Generally speaking, not engaging until one figures out why they are put off or if they should be put off is a reasonable response imo.  Better than hastily responding negatively at least.  Though obviously that is an option too. 

Well, I can't speak for @marbel, but you had an awfully visceral reaction to a short, friendly, 2-sentence text, and I feel sorry for the woman because it seems so obvious to me that she texts the way she speaks, and she was happy that you seemed to want to study with her.

How could you possibly think she was being anything but friendly? She literally said, "“Hi sweetie! I don’t have any study buddy.” How could anyone possibly take offense at that? 

I see a few people saying the term can be used in a condescending way, but why would the woman be condescending when she was responding positively to your invitation? It simply doesn't make sense that she was being anything but friendly.

Honestly, if you are feeling this negatively toward the woman, maybe you should just make up an excuse for why you can't study with her, and let this go, because I think she deserves better treatment and she deserves not to be pre-judged as being some kind of offensive weirdo based on one word in a text. It sounds like maybe your personalities aren't at all compatible. 

[Rosie_0801]

It's a fellow student, and another female. I'd assume she was having an excellent mood just then and I got in the way.

I have firmer boundaries with men.

[Catwoman]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

It's a fellow student, and another female. I'd just assume she was having an excellent mood just then and I got in the way.

I have firmer boundaries with men.

Yes, it would be different if it was a man and not a woman! 

[marbel]

19 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

So this begs the question…

Do you respond to text or emails from people you don’t know or barely know addressing them as “sweetie”?

Is that why you are upset on her behalf?

I’m not really looking to be offended so much as I was put off by it.  Generally speaking, not engaging until one figures out why they are put off or if they should be put off is a reasonable response imo.  Better than hastily responding negatively at least.  Though obviously that is an option too. 

No, I don't. I'm shy and reserved and don't tend to use those terms. But I do know people who do.

I'm picturing (and I know of course that I could be completely wrong) a woman who has felt a bit out of place in class (based on something you said in your OP) and she was so happy to get a text from a classmate - and one who is (maybe) close to her in age - she responded  in the way she thought would show her enthusiasm and happiness at being contacted. 

[Ginevra]

10 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I’m truly mind blown here. 

So basicly all y’all are telling me it’s perfectly normal for strangers to text or email addressing you by endearments at school or at work?

That random weird customer? Sure.

That one person whose message you immediately file in a special folder to forward to HR? Sure.

But just anyone pretty much a given all the time?

I get that she might have just had an awkward intro but that’s okay.  God knows I’ve been there and done that myself. 

But the texting randomly with endearments is not my experience and is so odd to me.

I just think you’re attaching a crap-ton of meaning to an innocuous speaking style. 
 

People don’t always say the exact right words in all situations. I know I don’t. I mean, just give a little grace. 

[BeachGal]

I’d let it go and would send her more info about the available groups. She said she doesn’t have anyone to study with afterall. If you're part of those groups and she joins, you’ll be able to get a better idea of what she’s like. You don’t need to be friends.

A woman I know calls me Sweetie, which I don’t mind, but her overall manner of speech is semi condescending and maternalistic, somewhat insincere. I’m almost 60, not 10. She does this to everyone, though.

[Murphy101]

3 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Yes, it would be different if it was a man and not a woman! 

Which on an entirely different trail is interesting to me bc I think men take their cues from women on how to treat a women. 

1 minute ago, marbel said:

No, I don't. I'm shy and reserved and don't tend to use those terms. But I do know people who do.

I'm picturing (and I know of course that I could be completely wrong) a woman who has felt a bit out of place in class (based on something you said in your OP) and she was so happy to get a text from a classmate - and one who is (maybe) close to her in age - she responded  in the way she thought would show her enthusiasm and happiness at being contacted. 

Well.  That backfired.

hmm

If wanted to respond that way that’s what I would say.  “I’m so happy you asked me! I don’t have a study group but I would love to join one.  If you can suggest one to me or would like to be my study buddy - I’d be genuinely thrilled.”

That’s a quote from my response when I was ask if I wanted one before joining one of the ones I’m in. LOL

her response kinda came off as

(impression in ()

sweetie (bless your heart) I don’t have any study buddies (and I’m not asking about one or if you will be mine so I don’t want one)

And thus:

No response requested so I don’t need to give one. 

I really don’t know what God did at the tower of babble but it sure was hella effective.

[Murphy101]

48 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

I just think you’re attaching a crap-ton of meaning to an innocuous speaking style. 

but. That’s literally what communication requires. Meaning added to speaking and words. 

48 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

People don’t always say the exact right words in all situations. I know I don’t. I mean, just give a little grace. 

Well. Sure.

listen. I’m giving all the grace. She can have it. No problem. I was put off by being called sweetie. God knows I’ve been called worse and I’m still okay.  I don’t think she’s horrible or anything.

But what I’m getting from her very brief response is a lack of interest. That someone else reads it and thinks oh!  She’s super excited about it!

I’m like how much meaning is everyone else putting into her text bc I have to really stretch to find any interest at all in it. 

communication is hard.

Edited November 6, 2023 by Murphy101

[Rosie_0801]

I find her response frustrating because she's answered your literal question but not your implied question. 
 

[KungFuPanda]

This is an exercise in tolerance. A word or phrase that’s loaded for you can be innocent or kind for someone else. Remember when teachers used to drop the lowest grade to show some grace? You can drop this when you deal with this woman. It would be way ruder/weirder than using the word Sweetie to ghost someone over it. 

[Catwoman]

10 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I find her response frustrating because she's answered your literal question but not your implied question. 
 

I can understand why she didn’t answer the implied question, because she was probably trying not to be presumptive.

Murphy never actually invited her to join a study group, so she probably assumed that if she answered the direct question about whether or not she was already in a study group, Murphy would clarify.

Murphy’s original text could have been taken in two different ways — she might have been asking the woman to join a study group, but she might also have been asking the woman if she was already part of a study group that Murphy could join. The original text wasn’t clear in that regard.

Edited November 6, 2023 by Catwoman
Autocorrect is weird today

[EKS]

1 hour ago, Murphy101 said:

Are all y’all saying it is perfectly normal to get text or emails from strangers or classmates or whatever calling you terms of endearment like sweetie?

Not perfectly normal in my world, but I wouldn't write her off either.

[sassenach]

17 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

but. That’s literally what communication requires. Meaning added to speaking and words. 

Well. Sure.

listen. I’m giving all the grace. She can have it. No problem. I was put off by being called sweetie. God knows I’ve been called worse and I’m still okay.  I don’t think she’s horrible or anything.

But what I’m getting from her very grief response is a lack of interest. That someone else reads it and thinks oh!  She’s super excited about it!

I’m like how much meaning is everyone else putting into her text bc I have to really stretch to find any interest at all in it. 

communication is hard.

Maybe just wait until you see her in person again? I have a friend that I love dearly, but we are very bad at texting with each other. Somehow we consistently miss each other's tone/meaning. She's the only person I have experienced this with but it's happened often enough that we generally avoid texting if we can.

Or you may not be a personality match. Who knows.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I hate being called sweetie or kiddo, and it’s because those terms were used in mocking ways when I was a kid by someone who was trying to hurt me in those moments. I was honestly a teen before I realized they were actually terms of endearment.

But that’s me and I know a whole lot of women who use them liberally even with strangers and over texting. I don’t, but I also don’t get annoyed with people who do. It seems to be cultural, and the women I’m thinking of haven’t lived a day in their life outside of rural New York/PA, so not southern.  
That said, one of my sisters uses “sweetie” in a very annoying manner. She is autistic and isolated, probably picked it up from our mom and has no idea that it comes across as overly maternal or  annoying.  But she doesn’t talk to many people outside of our sister group chat, so it doesn’t affect anyone.  In fact it might not even annoy anyone but me, but it does really grate on me.  Mostly in my case it’s a combination of past traumas and my own annoyance with my parents at how isolated my sister is.

All that to say it’s a  perfectly normal speech pattern and also okay to be irrationally annoyed by it. 

[katilac]

I think it would be very rude to not respond. 

[bookbard]

I would take that reply as either English isn't first language, or they're not great with literacy.