what is normal aging?

[Sunshine State Sue]

I have wondered since menopause what normal aging looks like. How do you know when something is normal aging and when it is a cause for concern?

For example, more hair loss or bright lights at night or more regular skin scrapes or a need for better and more expensive shoes.

When I have tried to find a book at the library on this topic, I only seem to come up with books that promise the fountain of youth through many products.

Any suggestions?

[Sharpie]

I don't know the answer to your question but can relate that since menopause, my eyesight has gone down hill.  Driving at night, especially in inclement weather is harder, my feet have changed and I just bought "old lady" shoes because comfort comes first! 🙂  My hair also continues to thin.  I have less energy than before but my job is pretty physical and lifting 50# isn't as easy as it used to be.  In other words, you aren't alone.

[regentrude]

Since aging covers such a wide spectrum, I don't think it is possible to define a "normal". A lot is genetics.
A decline in physical fitness, skin elasticity, eyesight and hearing are all normal parts of aging - however, their degree will vary tremendously from person to person so that no quantitative statements will be possible.
 

[marbel]

I get you. I think one key is a good doctor and a visit once a year to every two years. I don't happen to have a good doctor right now, but I had one a few years ago. She listened while I went over all the things I was wondering about, guided me to specialist care when warranted, and reassured me about my "old lady aches and pains" (my phrasing, not hers).  

Re; skin scrapes since it was mentioned - I was often finding scrapes on my forearms and can tell my skin is thinning. A good moisturizer used daily has basically solved that problem for me. (I am not suggesting it will solve that problem for everyone.) But it wasn't a doctor who told me that, it was my daughter who suggested I was not using a good enough moisturizer. She was aghast when I told her I used no moisturizer regularly at all. When I went to a dermatologist for a skin check, that advice was confirmed. I'm just lazy about moisturizing. 

[Mona]

I’ve also noticed a change in my hair -  more than usual hair loss and the texture feels different. My eyesight while driving at night has actually improved and i wonder if I had problems because of an astigmatism. I started taking an eye vitamin about a year ago and my eye pressures have improved as well as my vision.

[Bambam]

I ask my eye doctor at every yearly checkup how my cataracts are progressing. They are not 'ripe' (?) yet, so insurance would not approve surgery yet. Yes, I am looking forward to that as I have bad eyesight, worn contacts for 40+ years, and am looking forward to an upgrade lens implant so I don't have to do long-distance vision correction. 

So, for the eyesight thing, do your yearly eye checks and ask the doctor. 

[Pawz4me]

I don't think you can know for a lot of things. Throw in health issues and it makes it even harder. I have RA, so it always takes me awhile to sort out whether aches and pains or fatigue are a flare or a different health issue that needs investigating or just a normal aging kinda thing. It's hard.

[KrissiK]

1 hour ago, Sunshine State Sue said:

I have wondered since menopause what normal aging looks like. How do you know when something is normal aging and when it is a cause for concern?

For example, more hair loss or bright lights at night or more regular skin scrapes or a need for better and more expensive shoes.

When I have tried to find a book at the library on this topic, I only seem to come up with books that promise the fountain of youth through many products.

Any suggestions?

I would say that is all normal. Menopause sucks!! Hair loss…. yes. I have no eyebrows now. I rarely have to shave my legs…. etc. weight gain, yes.  Eyes….got my very first pair of glasses at age 50. And so it goes…..

[Grace Hopper]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

Since aging covers such a wide spectrum, I don't think it is possible to define a "normal". A lot is genetics.
A decline in physical fitness, skin elasticity, eyesight and hearing are all normal parts of aging - however, their degree will vary tremendously from person to person so that no quantitative statements will be possible.
 

Yes, it’s a question with a broad range of answers. 
 

For me, personally, there are things I am willing to accept (wrinkles, greying hair, need for vision assistance) as part of the normal process. Good genes sure help!
 

However, there are things I can do to mitigate other symptoms that relate to fitness and quality of life. Good nutrition helps both physically and mentally. My physical body doesn’t rebound as quickly as it used to, but it still responds well to activity and stretching and strength training, to help keep me as fit as possible. That’s more a factor of therapeutic lifestyle practices than genes. How one defines “normal” can be related to how willing they are to engage in such self-care. I’m not trying to chase the fountain of youth, just trying to optimize quality of life. 
 

Defining normal is hard. What I would really be on the lookout for is depression (not mentioning it specifically for/at the OP, speaking generally). Because life changes once kids are grown and ime it’s really easy to isolate and cocoon. That’s not good for me (or anyone, thinking these days about empty nester parents), mentally or physically. 

Edited December 7, 2022 by Grace Hopper

[Grace Hopper]

2 hours ago, marbel said:

I get you. I think one key is a good doctor and a visit once a year to every two years. I don't happen to have a good doctor right now, but I had one a few years ago. She listened while I went over all the things I was wondering about, guided me to specialist care when warranted, and reassured me about my "old lady aches and pains" (my phrasing, not hers).  

Re; skin scrapes since it was mentioned - I was often finding scrapes on my forearms and can tell my skin is thinning. A good moisturizer used daily has basically solved that problem for me. (I am not suggesting it will solve that problem for everyone.) But it wasn't a doctor who told me that, it was my daughter who suggested I was not using a good enough moisturizer. She was aghast when I told her I used no moisturizer regularly at all. When I went to a dermatologist for a skin check, that advice was confirmed. I'm just lazy about moisturizing. 

I agree about the good doctor. I have one now, however, he is my age or a bit older, so I’m afraid he’s gonna go off and retire and not be available right when I need him as I become elderly. So my current quest is for a younger doctor, who can be with me through the rest of my natural lifespan. I have seen some of my elders in a real pickle because their doctor retired right when they were most needed, and/or were stuck in old practice methods, reluctant to be open to newer methods and research as those younger in the profession.m would be. 
 

ETA @marbel please tell us what moisturizer you use!

Edited December 7, 2022 by Grace Hopper

[klmama]

Ugh. Thanks for the reminder about doctor age. I should start searching....  

[marbel]

27 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

I agree about the good doctor. I have one now, however, he is my age or a bit older, so I’m afraid he’s gonna go off and retire and not be available right when I need him as I become elderly. So my current quest is for a younger doctor, who can be with me through the rest of my natural lifespan. I have seen some of my elders in a real pickle because their doctor retired right when they were most needed, and/or were stuck in old practice methods, reluctant to be open to newer methods and research as those younger in the profession.  

I am looking for a new, younger doctor, and female as well. My last two male doctors were worthless. All they focused on was 'lose weight.' Yes, I am overweight but can you help with tools to lose at age 60+ and  how about some other possible treatments? It was a young female kidney specialist who steered me toward a specialist for a vein ablation after I showed her my swollen, reddened ankles. My primary care doctor told me the problem was my weight, full stop. (For reference, I am about 30# overweight and have struggled with weight my entire life, with it getting worse after having kids.) 

The BEST doctor experience I have had was a faculty practice where I was assigned a teaching doctor and saw residents as well. I loved having the two perspectives. And presumably a teaching doctor keeps up with changes in methods, etc. That was in another state and I haven't found anything like that where I am. 

Edited December 7, 2022 by marbel

[prairiewindmomma]

My best tip: find a dermatologist who herself has gone through menopause. Mine is hyper realistic about the changes skin and hair go through and is willing to guide me through a range of price options of remedies and to explain the trade off of effort/efficacy. I am not talking about Botox—more of finding the right level of moisturizers, combatting the natural hair thinning that happens at menopause, etc. 

[Laura Corin]

3 hours ago, Sunshine State Sue said:

I have wondered since menopause what normal aging looks like. How do you know when something is normal aging and when it is a cause for concern?

For example, more hair loss or bright lights at night or more regular skin scrapes or a need for better and more expensive shoes.

When I have tried to find a book at the library on this topic, I only seem to come up with books that promise the fountain of youth through many products.

Any suggestions?

Those all seem normal to me, more or less.  I concentrate on things I can influence - excellent nutrition,  regular exercise and as much sleep as I can manage.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't know what normal aging is.  I "felt old" starting at age 21 when I started having symptoms of fibromyalgia.  (My family and doctors laughed at my description of feeling old, instead of realizing that I wasn't joking and that perhaps this meant that something really was wrong if I felt the aches and pains of an 80 year old at the start of my 20's).  It's funny, because this past year I've felt like I'm getting younger, not older, as I am finally having some relief from the fibro.    My grey/white hair doesn't bother me.  Neither do wrinkles (though I actually don't have too many of those).  What bothers me is loss of mobility and balance and I don't think that those are something that we have to give into.  A good physical therapist / personal trainer has been wonderful for me on that front. 

[kbutton]

2 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

It's funny, because this past year I've felt like I'm getting younger, not older, as I am finally having some relief from the fibro. 

That's wonderful!!! 

 

[Wildcat]

4 hours ago, Mona said:

I’ve also noticed a change in my hair -  more than usual hair loss and the texture feels different. My eyesight while driving at night has actually improved and i wonder if I had problems because of an astigmatism. I started taking an eye vitamin about a year ago and my eye pressures have improved as well as my vision.

What eye vitamin do you take? This sounds like something I should try.

[theelfqueen]

I think it's hard to really guess what that means!

So many people for the last century were smokers and that messes with things...

And I've been wondering for a while - we're getting to the first point of really seeing a generation of aged people who were protected from childhood diseases by vaccines and I wonder how that impacts long term immunity and aging processes? 

[Wildcat]

The only book I can think of that might address this is called something like "What Your Doctor Won't Tell You About Menopause".  There is a sister book to it about perimenopause, as well. 

The other thing I can suggest is to hang out on Reddit's menopause board. City-Data also has a forum for women's issues or retired women or something. I haven't been on there in ages, but it was interesting to see on that site.  I suspect you'd get more helpful info on a forum than from a book in this instance, since it varies so much and is so individual. 

This site and Reddit are my go-tos for everything under the sun.

 

[Mona]

40 minutes ago, Wildcat said:

What eye vitamin do you take? This sounds like something I should try.

This is their website: https://www.rebuildyourvision.com/

I take the eye vitamin twice a day, not the multivitamin. I was skeptical at first, but I did have an improvement. My ds21 also started taking them occasionally along with doing eye exercises, and his prescription improved, so I think they are worth it.

[Sunshine State Sue]

Thanks folks.

About moisturizer. You use it over nearly 100% of your body?

[1234]

I wish there was more out there about it as well. I usually find myself on reddit to make myself feel better. I’m just in perimenopause and there seems to be so much conflicting information if I just try browsing the web or books. I ended up with a cycle just two weeks after my last and it freaked me out but I guess it’s rather normal? I feel like I know absolutely nothing about this stage of my life/health.🤷‍♀️

Edited December 8, 2022 by Joker2

[klmama]

3 hours ago, Sunshine State Sue said:

Thanks folks.

About moisturizer. You use it over nearly 100% of your body?

Yes.  Heavier moisturizer on the legs and on the face at night, lighter on the rest of the body and on face during the day.  YMMV, of course, depending on if your skin is more or less dry.  

[cave canem]

I have been meaning to read The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup.  I think it addresses this topic.

[Sunshine State Sue]

6 hours ago, cave canem said:

I have been meaning to read The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup.  I think it addresses this topic.

Thanks. I remember reading that when going through peri-menopause. I'll pick it up again. I also remember a book on menopause by Susun Weed. I liked it because for every trouble of menopause, she had a variety of ways to mitigate starting from the least invasive (ex. do nothing) to the most invasive (ex. complete hysterectomy).

[AngelaGT]

https://www.amazon.com/Goddesses-Never-Age-Prescription-Well-Being/dp/1401945953

Great read about perspective, attitude, and choices as we age.

[Wildcat]

On 12/7/2022 at 3:10 PM, Mona said:

This is their website: https://www.rebuildyourvision.com/

I take the eye vitamin twice a day, not the multivitamin. I was skeptical at first, but I did have an improvement. My ds21 also started taking them occasionally along with doing eye exercises, and his prescription improved, so I think they are worth it.

Thanks! I'll go take a peek (pun intended) at their site.

I'm glad to hear eye exercises helped your ds. I've done some on and off over the years but never stuck with it. Guess I should look into that, too.

[fraidycat]

I haven't read it, but have seen some positive reviews for The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter.

[JennyD]

3 minutes ago, fraidycat said:

I haven't read it, but have seen some positive reviews for The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter.

It's fantastic!  I have recommended that book to all of my friends.

 

[GailV]

I've been reading Breaking the Age Code by Becca Levy.  It isn't about hair color or skin or other ways of buying into youth culture -- it's about ageism, and our expectations and assumptions of what we will be like when we're old. It's about how older people are marginalized in our (U.S.) culture. It's about how older people in other cultures (pro-old-age cultures) perform better on tests of memory and hearing.

Example: Apparently many doctors don't bother to treat depression in older patients, believing it isn't worth the effort. Yet older patients actually respond better to treatment for depression than do younger.

I tend to be fascinated by our biases in perception, so this has been an AMAZING book. 

[Sunshine State Sue]

3 hours ago, fraidycat said:

I haven't read it, but have seen some positive reviews for The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter.

Just ordered it from the library.  Thanks.