Prayers for dh’s family please

[saraha]

16 minutes ago, mum said:

I've been reading this and don't have any advice, but I can share my own experience with FIL last year. I won't go into all the medical details, but my husband's dad passed away last year after a medium length go around with cancer. He wanted no intervention, but hadn't put it in writing. MIL wanted max intervention, which is what happened. It was all quite awful. I had SO many opinions, I am a medical provider after all, plus a compassionate human being who does not like to see others suffer against their verbal wishes (he had dementia in the end too, which is why MIL was allowed to make decisions). 

 I had to keep my mouth shut. My husband did not agree with what his mother was doing regarding his dad's care, and he said ALL that he could say to his mother on many, many occasions. If he had said any more that would have permanently been the end of their relationship. In the first half of the saga I told my husband and my MIL what I thought, and then I said things only to my husband, but he felt pushed by me, and upset about upsetting his mother. And then I had to completely shut up.  What was happening went against everything I believe to be right, and yet it appears that when fatal illness comes into play, it's family members only. We've been married for 30 years, I've known my MIL and FIL since I was 16. And we have always been on excellent terms. Always. But life ending illness just seems to do something even to those long relationships. My FIL finally passed away and we were all greatly relieved. I am glad that I said absolutely nothing to anyone ( except in private to my own mother and sisters who also know my in-laws) about how I thought things should be done. It preserved my relationship with my husband and my MIL. It gave my much food for thought about my own end of life instructions (WRITTEN), and some insight into decisions and elderly parents (by the autumn I was dealing with my own mothers massive heart failure and I realised that what my husband said to me about how HE thought things should be done for my mother was not really so helpful). It was interesting to be the in-law and then blood relative both in the same year.

Anyway, just sharing my own experience...

I get that, my opinions don’t help dh. I don’t have anyone in real life to vent to so I do it here. It helps me hold my tongue for sure, plus all the wisdom everyone shared with me.

It definitely has made dh and I discuss what we want for the later years and how we need to have them written down. Especially with how many people in his moms family died with dementia. Although I feel like even if mil had put something in writing, fil would do what he wants, he just can’t seem to be able to be away from her.

[saraha]

No meaningful conversations tonight. Just trying to be all nonchalant, I stink at it. Another group text from sil:

Hey guys there have been some days when mom and dads house really stinks. Mostly it's been from him throwing the dirty depends in the garbage in one of the rooms. Dad can't smell so he needs to be told when it stinks so he can take the trash out. If your kids are there and they notice please have them tell grandad. It's not being rude, it's keeping him from being embarrassed when someone comes. Thanks. 
 

my response to dh was “I wonder how she decides which texts are for me and sil too and which ones are just for you guys” he responded, you only get the ones when she wants something from you.

What I wanted to respond was maybe you should tell him to stop throwing them away just anywhere 🙄

sorry, everything she does annoys me. The request is simple enough, it’s just that it comes from her I guess 

Edited December 21, 2022 by saraha

[Spryte]

Everything else aside: C Diff has a smell that is unlike any other. It is quite a stink. I wonder if that is part of what’s going on, if things are more, ummm, odiferous than in the past.

 

[Soror]

5 hours ago, saraha said:

No meaningful conversations tonight. Just trying to be all nonchalant, I stink at it. Another group text from sil:

Hey guys there have been some days when mom and dads house really stinks. Mostly it's been from him throwing the dirty depends in the garbage in one of the rooms. Dad can't smell so he needs to be told when it stinks so he can take the trash out. If your kids are there and they notice please have them tell grandad. It's not being rude, it's keeping him from being embarrassed when someone comes. Thanks. 
 

my response to dh was “I wonder how she decides which texts are for me and sil too and which ones are just for you guys” he responded, you only get the ones when she wants something from you.

What I wanted to respond was maybe you should tell him to stop throwing them away just anywhere 🙄

sorry, everything she does annoys me. The request is simple enough, it’s just that it comes from her I guess 

I'd be annoyed too. 

Like this is your fault or responsibility? Maybe if she bothered to come she could tell him.

[Toocrazy!!]

Saraha- I’ve been following along as well and learning a lot actually. My parents have always told us they wanted to stay in their home to age, no nursing homes at all. And they luckily have the financial resources to do that if we can make it happen. They both took wonderful care of their parents through their older years and expect us to do the same. Which we will make every effort to do! 
But, my mother has dementia as well. And for now my dad can take care of her. But she’s going to get worse and no one wants to talk about how her care is going to look then. Especially not my dad. We have our heads in the sand as well. Neither of their parents had dementia. They aged in place pretty beautifully for the most part. But dementia is a whole different ball game. 
And dealing with elderly people is hard. I get that, they just can’t always make the decisions and plans they need to. I see it with my dad. He just wants things to stay the same. He wants to be the caregiver, but he’s wearing himself out. And dementia patients are just hard to make happy. Luckily she’s easy to get along with, but it’s still sad and frustrating and lonely to see your life partner of 65 years disappear in front of you. 
All that to say, I feel for you. Your family has a lot of extenuating circumstances and you are doing a great job walking a thin line. I wish all the best for your MIL and your husband. It’s a very rough time even in the best of circumstances. 

[saraha]

I’m so proud of dh, he is holding his line despite sil texting all day. More messes today. Her pc doc called back and said she’s already had the antibiotic so give her colestipol and call back if it doesn’t right itself in a few days. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Sil texted him and bil wanting to know if fil called either one of them to see if they could sit with mil while he went to a viewing. Dh said nope, and he didn’t mention it when I was over there. So sil said we’ll call him and ask and dh said nope. He knows where I am, if wants my help he’ll ask. 5 minutes later she texted I called him and he isn’t going, said he’s in the middle of cleaning up another accident and that she didn’t think he could take much more. Dh didn’t respond.
 

She hasn’t had any takers for a full time aid, and when I mentioned that I make $20 an hour working for my old guy with absolutely no toileting issues, she and bil were like yeah, we’ll you don’t work full time. We don’t want to start out that high. I did see a text on accident that she had called a home health place but it was going to be $24 an hour so she’s going to wait and see if anyone comes along. Which is super annoying because they have plenty of money

 

Edited December 22, 2022 by saraha

[fraidycat]

I'm so glad your DH is holding his boundaries. 
 

SIL is so insistent that MIL not go into a professional care facility, and FIL is so overwhelmed by it all, now seems like a great time for SIL to move back home, roll up her sleeves, and get to work.** 

 

**I know that you guys have no power over this, but if I were your DH, that would be my reply to every "request" she makes.

[KSera]

14 minutes ago, saraha said:

Her pc doc called back and said she’s already had the antibiotic so give her colestipol and call back if it doesn’t right itself in a few days.

That makes no sense. Primary care doc obviously doesn’t understand c diff. Do you think if they understood how at risk MiL is from it, it would change anything? I can’t tell if it’s lack of knowledge or lack of caring. I can see that with her primary care doctor apparently incompetent about it, they may just have no idea. 

[Harriet Vane]

2 minutes ago, KSera said:

That makes no sense. Primary care doc obviously doesn’t understand c diff. Do you think if they understood how at risk MiL is from it, it would change anything? I can’t tell if it’s lack of knowledge or lack of caring. I can see that with her primary care doctor apparently incompetent about it, they may just have no idea. 

Or the doctor hasn’t been told accurately.

Because what he “said” will put her right back in the hospital or kill her. I am not exaggerating.

This many messes increasing in frequency is an indication that the infection is raging. Be aware that both dehydration and sepsis are very much on the table. Watch for fever and lethargy as well as more frequency and lack of solid output (increase in fully liquid output). Frankly, the smell will get worse also.
 

If this progresses in this direction she needs to go to the ER. They need to tell the ER: c diff with concerns for sepsis, also broken hip and dementia. Focus needs to be on the c diff—it is the reason for the ER, not the hip.

[saraha]

6 minutes ago, KSera said:

That makes no sense. Primary care doc obviously doesn’t understand c diff. Do you think if they understood how at risk MiL is from it, it would change anything? I can’t tell if it’s lack of knowledge or lack of caring. I can see that with her primary care doctor apparently incompetent about it, they may just have no idea. 

Dh said doctor said it might be stress too. So if she isn’t better by Monday to call back. I think if she still has diarrhea by Monday she would probably be in the hospital 

[Jean in Newcastle]

29 minutes ago, saraha said:

I’m so proud of dh, he is holding his line despite sil texting all day. More messes today. Her pc doc called back and said she’s already had the antibiotic so give her colestipol and call back if it doesn’t right itself in a few days. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Sil texted him and bil wanting to know if fil called either one of them to see if they could sit with mil while he went to a viewing. Dh said nope, and he didn’t mention it when I was over there. So sil said we’ll call him and ask and dh said nope. He knows where I am, if wants my help he’ll ask. 5 minutes later she texted I called him and he isn’t going, said he’s in the middle of cleaning up another accident and that she didn’t think he could take much more. Dh didn’t respond.
 

She hasn’t had any takers for a full time aid, and when I mentioned that I make $20 an hour working for my old guy with absolutely no toileting issues, she and bil were like yeah, we’ll you don’t work full time. We don’t want to start out that high. I did see a text on accident that she had called a home health place but it was going to be $24 an hour so she’s going to wait and see if anyone comes along. Which is super annoying because they have plenty of money

 

FIL might need to get to the point of not being able to take it anymore to actually put his wife‘s needs first. And if SIL will listen to anyone, hopefully it would be FIL. 

[Harriet Vane]

1 minute ago, saraha said:

Dh said doctor said it might be stress too. So if she isn’t better by Monday to call back. I think if she still has diarrhea by Monday she would probably be in the hospital 

It is not stress. And letting c diff rage unchecked and unmedicated for that many days really can result in sepsis or death. 

I do not mean to go on and on about it and I’m sorry if the repetition is unhelpful. This is honestly hard to watch. I remember you saying how very, very much you love your mil. I’m so sorry she is suffering. I am praying for her and for you.

[saraha]

24 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

FIL might need to get to the point of not being able to take it anymore to actually put his wife‘s needs first. And if SIL will listen to anyone, hopefully it would be FIL. 

That’s what dh is waiting on. He is letting him wear himself out and only doing what fil asks, which he won’t ask for help, so there they are. Sil and bil are happy to try and anticipate his needs but dh wont do it anymore.

[saraha]

23 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

It is not stress. And letting c diff rage unchecked and unmedicated for that many days really can result in sepsis or death. 

I do not mean to go on and on about it and I’m sorry if the repetition is unhelpful. This is honestly hard to watch. I remember you saying how very, very much you love your mil. I’m so sorry she is suffering. I am praying for her and for you.

I know, I suggested to dh that they take her back to the e r and when she has a big old stinky accident in the waiting room, they will have to do something with her. 

[LifeLovePassion]

I'm guessing SIL sugar coated things for the Dr. You or hubby could call the primary clinic to tattle and hopefully they handle it better than the daft social worker at the hospital. I'm proud of you and your hubby for having boundaries. 

[LifeLovePassion]

I'd be tempted to volunteer to take her on an outing and just pop into the ER.

[sassenach]

On 12/20/2022 at 12:04 PM, saraha said:

That is what we always do and as far as yesterday that was still the plan. I don’t know if that has changed. It is stressing me out because before last night and today’s diarrhea explosion I was already thinking of how we would get out of the eating part. Sil and fil are both like we haven’t gotten sick taking care of her so 🤷🏼‍♀️. I know dh is going to feel torn between trying to have a nice Christmas there and me saying we are not eating there. Dh and I have always disagreed over how Christmas Day goes (I think there are like 6 year old threads to prove it) and I’m afraid this year is going to suck even harder. I already have all the fixings for our own Christmas dinner and am hoping that the upcoming storm makes getting together for Christmas impossible. And trying not to think about not. Whenever the thoughts start creeping in I just remind myself that things can change drastically every day.

Thankfully it is looking like Christmas at my moms will probably be canceled or postponed.

Just so you are well-informed, c-diff is something that can be acquired but not make you sick for a long time. SIL and FIL likely DO have c-diff. All it may take is a round of antibiotics for something as benign as a sinus infection and they could end up with a full blown infection (milder antibiotics kill everything else and then c-diff takes over). My FIL's c-diff was probably acquired from his wife's infection about 10 years ago. He didn't present as infected until he was put on a new medication that gave him diarrhea. As soon as his gut was off-balance, the c-diff took over and made him very sick. It's a time bomb.

 

[saraha]

10 minutes ago, LifeLovePassion said:

I'm guessing SIL sugar coated things for the Dr. You or hubby could call the primary clinic to tattle and hopefully they handle it better than the daft social worker at the hospital. I'm proud of you and your hubby for having boundaries. 

I did see over dh’s shoulder bil respond that maybe the doctor doesn’t realize how often or bad the episodes. But  I don’t know what came after

[JennyD]

Your poor MIL.  The dementia seems like it could be a mercy at this point, if it spares her from understanding what's going on.

 

[saraha]

I’m still annoyed that after dh didn’t follow her instructions to call fil, she called him and asked if he wanted dh to come over. I’m not sure what dh would have done. Hopefully she would have said to fil if you want to go to the viewing, call dh, he’s home or whatever and not just texted dh back ordering him over there. 🙄 I have no idea how dh is remaining so patient. I know he doesn’t tell me but a fraction of the texts and am curious what other nonsense she has said to him, but at the same time am glad I don’t know 

[KSera]

2 hours ago, saraha said:

I think if she still has diarrhea by Monday she would probably be in the hospital 

I think you are likely right.

2 hours ago, sassenach said:

Just so you are well-informed, c-diff is something that can be acquired but not make you sick for a long time. SIL and FIL likely DO have c-diff. All it may take is a round of antibiotics for something as benign as a sinus infection and they could end up with a full blown infection (milder antibiotics kill everything else and then c-diff takes over). My FIL's c-diff was probably acquired from his wife's infection about 10 years ago. He didn't present as infected until he was put on a new medication that gave him diarrhea. As soon as his gut was off-balance, the c-diff took over and made him very sick. It's a time bomb.

 

@sassenach Explained this really well. I'm just QFT because I think she said this better than when I said it earlier about taking an antibiotic being more likely to give someone c diff than being exposed to someone with it.

It's super hard to watch this part of it play out. The rest is difficult enough, but the c diff is an urgent crisis being treated as a messy inconvenience.

[saraha]

1 hour ago, KSera said:

I think you are likely right.

@sassenach Explained this really well. I'm just QFT because I think she said this better than when I said it earlier about taking an antibiotic being more likely to give someone c diff than being exposed to someone with it.

It's super hard to watch this part of it play out. The rest is difficult enough, but the c diff is an urgent crisis being treated as a messy inconvenience.

I know. I wish I could do something 

[KSera]

50 minutes ago, saraha said:

I know. I wish I could do something 

I’m sorry 😞 

[QueenCat]

10 hours ago, saraha said:

I’m still annoyed that after dh didn’t follow her instructions to call fil, she called him and asked if he wanted dh to come over. I’m not sure what dh would have done. Hopefully she would have said to fil if you want to go to the viewing, call dh, he’s home or whatever and not just texted dh back ordering him over there. 🙄 I have no idea how dh is remaining so patient. I know he doesn’t tell me but a fraction of the texts and am curious what other nonsense she has said to him, but at the same time am glad I don’t know 

I'd have lost my patience a long time ago with sil.

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, QueenCat said:

I'd have lost my patience a long time ago with sil.

Same here! I would have told her that if caring for MIL at home is so important to her, she should be doing all the work and not always trying to pawn everything off on the rest of the family. 

[Catwoman]

14 hours ago, fraidycat said:

I'm so glad your DH is holding his boundaries. 
 

SIL is so insistent that MIL not go into a professional care facility, and FIL is so overwhelmed by it all, now seems like a great time for SIL to move back home, roll up her sleeves, and get to work.** 

 

**I know that you guys have no power over this, but if I were your DH, that would be my reply to every "request" she makes.

I think this is the perfect response to SIL!

 

[Catwoman]

@saraha  Sarah, I just wanted to let you know how impressed I am with your dh for not giving in to the tremendous pressure from SIL. He has come a long way from where he was several months ago, and it's a huge relief to see that he's prioritizing you over his sister.

I know this must be so hard for him, basically being forced to watch this train wreck from the sidelines, when he knows in his heart that his mom needs 24/7 professional care. And I know it's so hard for you to watch him trying to navigate this mess, while keeping yourself at a safe distance!

Sending lots of hugs (and prayers that your MIL will eventually get the care she needs.)

[saraha]

In todays episode, sil called doctors office again and left a message. Fil went out to run errands and pick up more Gatorade for mil, and came back with several cans of Monster energy drinks! 😆 she said dad, energy drinks and electrolyte drinks are not the same thing! He said they were out of Gatorade! 😆 ate lunch with my friend the Tuesday lady who was going over today too and she said she told sil she wasn’t dealing with diarrhea as she has other old people she cleans for, so fil has to stay around to clean her up. Poor mil has had two showers already today. Dh asked if anyone has been testing her oxygen since she’s so lethargic and sil said they did Monday and it was fine. She was going to see if she could find the pulse oximeter thing they had during covid.

sil then sent a text saying why couldn’t they (dh and bil) have been born girls. That made dh laugh and he said “I can’t even imagine what growing up would have been like!”

[saraha]

2 hours ago, Catwoman said:

@saraha  Sarah, I just wanted to let you know how impressed I am with your dh for not giving in to the tremendous pressure from SIL. He has come a long way from where he was several months ago, and it's a huge relief to see that he's prioritizing you over his sister.

I know this must be so hard for him, basically being forced to watch this train wreck from the sidelines, when he knows in his heart that his mom needs 24/7 professional care. And I know it's so hard for you to watch him trying to navigate this mess, while keeping yourself at a safe distance!

Sending lots of hugs (and prayers that your MIL will eventually get the care she needs.)

He has hasn’t he! 🥰

[Soror]

12 minutes ago, saraha said:

In todays episode, sil called doctors office again and left a message. Fil went out to run errands and pick up more Gatorade for mil, and came back with several cans of Monster energy drinks! 😆 she said dad, energy drinks and electrolyte drinks are not the same thing! He said they were out of Gatorade! 😆 ate lunch with my friend the Tuesday lady who was going over today too and she said she told sil she wasn’t dealing with diarrhea as she has other old people she cleans for, so fil has to stay around to clean her up. Poor mil has had two showers already today. Dh asked if anyone has been testing her oxygen since she’s so lethargic and sil said they did Monday and it was fine. She was going to see if she could find the pulse oximeter thing they had during covid.

sil then sent a text saying why couldn’t they (dh and bil) have been born girls. That made dh laugh and he said “I can’t even imagine what growing up would have been like!”

She's sure something. Like she thinks she's doing everything. Telling everyone what to do and doing nothing doesn't count.. I'm so mad on your and dh's behalf.

[alisoncooks]

I hate to say it, but I’ll be surprised if y’all make it through the Christmas weekend without ending up in the ER. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

27 minutes ago, saraha said:

In todays episode, sil called doctors office again and left a message. Fil went out to run errands and pick up more Gatorade for mil, and came back with several cans of Monster energy drinks! 😆 she said dad, energy drinks and electrolyte drinks are not the same thing! He said they were out of Gatorade! 😆 ate lunch with my friend the Tuesday lady who was going over today too and she said she told sil she wasn’t dealing with diarrhea as she has other old people she cleans for, so fil has to stay around to clean her up. Poor mil has had two showers already today. Dh asked if anyone has been testing her oxygen since she’s so lethargic and sil said they did Monday and it was fine. She was going to see if she could find the pulse oximeter thing they had during covid.

sil then sent a text saying why couldn’t they (dh and bil) have been born girls. That made dh laugh and he said “I can’t even imagine what growing up would have been like!”

I hope that he doesn't give MIL the energy drinks just because he has them at the house.  The sugar and caffeine will be even more irritating to her intestines and will most likely make diarrhea even worse. 

[vonfirmath]

I agree with alison but it is still sad and stressful

 

[Grace Hopper]

10 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I hope that he doesn't give MIL the energy drinks just because he has them at the house.  The sugar and caffeine will be even more irritating to her intestines and will most likely make diarrhea even worse. 

Cdiff is hard on the kidneys. Last thing she needs is an energy drink. All the showering/cleaning is also very hard on thin aged skin, I hope they are being gentle and moisturizing. 
 

SIL’s apparently heavy, unequal burden has nothing to do with being female and everything to do with her being a control freak. She seems very eager to please her father and I can’t help but think of Beth Dutton. 

[Terabith]

I’m kinda wondering…does SIL know c diff can be fatal and is counting on that and just needs plausible deniability?  I mean, at this point, death isn’t the enemy.  But it’s not a good death.  

[saraha]

25 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I’m kinda wondering…does SIL know c diff can be fatal and is counting on that and just needs plausible deniability?  I mean, at this point, death isn’t the enemy.  But it’s not a good death.  

I don’t think so. Dr did call on some kind of antibiotic that I’ll go in town and pick up. Sil took the monster drinks with her so he wouldn’t be tempted

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

46 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I’m kinda wondering…does SIL know c diff can be fatal and is counting on that and just needs plausible deniability?  I mean, at this point, death isn’t the enemy.  But it’s not a good death.  

I’ve had a lot of elderly patients over the years with C Diff and almost invariably, the families had just not received good education on it.  Most were shocked that sepsis was a possibility or that people can die from it.  They were under the impression, based on the doctor’s responses and the nurse’s handling and education at the hospital, that it was frustrating, annoying, smelly and somewhat contagious but overall, not a huge deal.

To be fair, the hospitals include this CDC hand out(https://www.cdc.gov/cdiff/risk.html) in the discharge packer and tell people to wash their hands a lot.  That’s about the extent of the family or patient teaching.  It doesn’t seem to matter if it’s the small community hospital or the large university affiliated research hospital, I’ve seen it over and over again.

SIL probably believes the doctors who have brushed it off and said to drink Gatorade and wash hands. 

[Carol in Cal.]

3 hours ago, Soror said:

She's sure something. Like she thinks she's doing everything. Telling everyone what to do and doing nothing doesn't count.. I'm so mad on your and dh's behalf.

You know, actually, figuring all this stuff out and trying to make it happen by a variety of means does count.  It’s that mental planning work that women always do that gets them no credit.   I think that SIL is doing a terrible job of it, but it’s not nothing.

[KSera]

1 hour ago, saraha said:

I don’t think so. Dr did call on some kind of antibiotic that I’ll go in town and pick up.

I can’t help but be curious which one it is. Hopefully he has prescribed something appropriate. I’d pick up Florastor while you’re at the pharmacy and just tell them it’s supposed to be taken with the antibiotic when you drop it off. (Unlike most probiotics, it’s okay to take the florastor at the same time, and they might be more likely to do if they can do it that way.)

[Harriet Vane]

3 minutes ago, KSera said:

I can’t help but be curious which one it is. Hopefully he has prescribed something appropriate. I’d pick up Florastor while you’re at the pharmacy and just tell them it’s supposed to be taken with the antibiotic when you drop it off. (Unlike most probiotics, it’s okay to take the florastor at the same time, and they might be more likely to do if they can do it that way.)

Same.

The generic for Flagyll is metronidazole. It's better than nothing but it won't work long term.

Edited December 22, 2022 by Harriet Vane

[saraha]

I forgot to look as I was in the middle of a bunch of stuff when they called and asked me to pick it up, but she’s supposed to take 1 every 6 hours for 10 days 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Harriet Vane]

1 minute ago, saraha said:

I forgot to look as I was in the middle of a bunch of stuff when they called and asked me to pick it up, but she’s supposed to take 1 every 6 hours for 10 days 🤷🏼‍♀️

It could be any one of them. If the full scrip wasn’t super expensive then it is probably Flagyll. Plus Flagyll is considered the accepted first step so it is what most providers will prescribe, and they will do so for quite some time before trying one of the other two unless there is sepsis or a severe, hospitalized case.

What saddens me is that there are reams and reams of research evidence showing that metronidazole usually is not effective in curing this infection. It is the standard of care because the insurance companies say it is. Metronidazole is much, much cheaper in dollars, even though the burden the patient bears is much more traumatic and often with long-term and/or permanent damage from carrying a serious infection for so long.

(A 2-week supply of vancomycin pills was in the range of $400 or $500 when I was sick several years ago. I was able to access a compounding pharmacy that gave it to me in liquid form for $85 per bottle. Fidaxomicin pills are reportedly even more expensive. These numbers were my co-pay after insurance.)

[Harriet Vane]

But ultimately I am relieved that they are doing something about it. 

[KSera]

5 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

Plus Flagyll is considered the accepted first step

With this being a relapse, I am really hoping they would have bypassed the flagyll at this point.

[Harriet Vane]

1 minute ago, KSera said:

With this being a relapse, I am really hoping they would have bypassed the flagyll at this point.

That is definitely my prayer. I have known others who were cycled through several rounds of Flagyl before finally moving to the more effective meds. For the sake of all the suffering of mil and fil, I really do hope they gave mil one of the better ones.

[saraha]

I guess she has to take them every six hours around the clock so sil set an alarm on her phone so she can wake up and call him to remind him to give them to mil. They are hoping it clears her up by Christmas as we are having Christmas darn it. No sit down dinner, but finger foods. Dh was advocating for no food, just a short visit with everyone, open gifts and leave. He’s worried she’ll have a diarrhea blow out when everyone is there. Apparently he’s the only one 🙄. I get fil will be sad if we change the holiday, but everyone needs to be realistic. She is having three and four episodes of the nastiest smelling diarrhea a day. It seems really optimistic to think that won’t happen Sunday when it’s already Thursday night. I am planning to make a big dinner here at home and eat before we go over and have told the kids (which they aren’t really kids anymore, 4 of them are 18 and older) that I am not eating there and they will be eating at their own risk. Sil’s plan is to not let fil and mil serve themselves so they aren’t touching any of the serving ware and we’re using everything disposable. 

I have to say she has worked harder the last couple of days then I’ve seen this whole time. She has definitely cleaned up more than her fair share of diarrhea yesterday and today. Today she and fil were saying that they think if they can just get the diarrhea under control they can handle the rest.

[Bambam]

To me it make sense to delay Christmas till next week. Or later.  But I think you can celebrate any holiday on a day you chose and is convenient. Do you think the rest of the family would agree? Benefits are -
   -they could have the diarrhea under control - and to me, if blowout happened during the Christmas family time, it would stain everyone's memories and be totally embarrassing for MIL (assuming she realizes it), etc
  -hopefully MIL and FIL would also be feeling better so more able to enjoy festivities
  -All other family members would feel more comfortable waiting. 

I would be really concerned about dehydration just with that continuing amount of diarrhea. 

And I would think there is no way an adult in their right mind would want to be home with these diarrhea episodes happening so often in their own home, causing potential issues (ruining furniture/etc) and trouble for relatives as well as potential contamination for loved family.  

[TechWife]

4 hours ago, Bambam said:

...
And I would think there is no way an adult in their right mind would want to be home with these diarrhea episodes happening so often in their own home, causing potential issues (ruining furniture/etc) and trouble for relatives as well as potential contamination for loved family.  

This brings up a good point. People sometimes forget to protect the dignity of the person with dementia because "they won't remember it." If MIL and FIL ordinarily would bow out of a family event in the case of a serious, contagious illness, that is what should happen now. If MIL ordinarily wouldn't anyone else around with her having uncontrollable bowel movements, then that is what should happen now.  One of my sister's had to be directly told by one of us when mom's dignity was being compromised ("No, you cannot take her for a walk when she is taking off her shirt every five minutes, it's disrespectful" was a conversation I had)

At this point, FIL may need some help with this one - especially if everyone always goes there for Christmas. Someone taking the lead and speaking to him about it along with proposing an alternate date at the same time. "Ordinarily mom wouldn't want insert names of grandkids  here with her bathroom accidents and I don't think you would either if it were you. Why don't we celebrate Christmas together as a family on January 15 to give her time to get over this? That way, she can have her privacy and you will have more time to spend with the grandkids if she doesn't require quite as much care.  How does that sound? Would you like me to call brother and sister to let them know this plan?"

Yes, it messes this Sunday's plans up. But changing the date of Christmas affects nothing but the date unless MIL is aware enough to realize that people aren't coming when they were supposed to & it doesn't sound like that's the case. I realize the siblings want to work with their dad, but sometimes, someone has to take the lead with him and sometimes one of the siblings has to lead the others. I don't know what to do about SIL in this instance unless there is a consensus between the brothers and the FIL and they all stand up to her about it. I wish I could come and fix it for her.

 

 

[saraha]

So the result of dh strongly asserting his opinion over text yesterday is back to being frozen out. All week long it was a running commentary of everything happening from sil. Today? Not a single word. I can’t decide which is worse. So I am once again venting here because I for sure don’t want to bring it up. I feel like I’m surrounded by people with magical thinking. Dh has struggled with that at different times, and I am wondering if it is a family trait.

On the other hand, todays get together was canceled with my mom and sister and I am not sad about it. Very relaxing day

Edited December 23, 2022 by saraha

[LifeLovePassion]

I'm glad you had a relaxing day.