Update in First Post: How long did you wait to bring home a dog?

[Jenny in Florida]

My beloved dog, best friend and near-constant companion of almost 14 years, died almost a month ago. I miss her desperately (like, I still cry a little bit a few times a week when I remember she's not here. 

I picked up her ashes yesterday, and I took some time to sit on the same park bench where I sat and held her on one of her last days with me. And I cried some more. 

However, running alongside that on a parallel track of thoughts and emotions is the fact that I also just love dogs in general. My husband and I went to a craft fair last weekend, and I had to stop and pet and talk to every dog we passed, because in addition to missing my Tilda, specifically, I also just miss the doggyness of having a dog in my life, and I find myself browsing adoptable dogs at our local shelters and on Petfinder. 

One part of me is concerned that I shouldn't bring home another dog "too soon." I was talking about this with a friend yesterday, and she said that her husband insisted on adopting another dog within just a few weeks of them losing their older, beloved dog and has had a really hard time bonding with the puppy. 

The other part of me just wants a dog.

I wanted a dog for years before we finally adopted Tilda. And I have said for many years that, as sad as I would be when she went, I was never going to be without a dog again. 

There's a dog at the local shelter right now who looks like she would be a good match, and her backstory tugs my heartstrings in a big way. 

I know I will never have another Tilda. I am not looking to replace her. Every dog is an individual, and my relationship with any new beastie will be different than it was with her. 

How will I know when it's time?

 

UPDATE:

So, we brought home a dog yesterday. One of the reasons I was hesitating about that dog at the shelter was that she is a senior -- 11 years old. I was concerned, and my husband was even more so on my behalf, about how well I would weather the inevitable loss of another dog so soon after losing Tilda. However, I really just kept looking at her picture and info online and kind of couldn't stand it. Then, yesterday, I was sitting at my computer listening to the end of one of my favorite podcasts. I literally had the dog's shelter listing on the screen in front of me when one of the hosts on the podcast put in a plug for adopting a shelter animal. 

I figured that was a sign. 

I texted my husband, who was out getting his covid booster and flu shot and told him I was on my way to the shelter. He met me there. We met the dog and discovered that, in addition to her age working against her, she also has a suspicious lump on one leg. We knew, after meeting her and seeing how sweet she was and how unhappy she clearly was in the shelter -- and knowing how unlikely it was that anyone else would be willing to take her on -- that we just couldn't leave her there. She needed a place to be and people to care for her, and I could offer both. So, we brought her home.

She is an owner surrender and came with a name, Lulu. 

She is an amazingly good, well-tempered and well-behaved dog. 

We have an appointment with our vet on Monday. I understand the news may not be good. Whatever it is, we'll do our best for her. And she'll be with us as long as she can. 

In the meantime, I'm enjoying her company for walks and having her cuddle with me on the couch.

Thank you all for encouraging me to take a leap. 

Edited November 12, 2022 by Jenny in Florida

[Harriet Vane]

That’s a really tough question. Praying for your aching heart. 

[klmama]

Have you and your dh talked about this?  He's probably grieving her loss, too.  This seems like it should be a group decision.  You don't want a repeat of your friend's situation. 

[Rachel]

I think this is so situational. We have lost 2 dogs and got another one 1-2 years later. 

My mom waited almost a decade.

 

 

[Scarlett]

I waited just over 3 years. Even then I had to be talked in to it. But it has been the best decision ever. She saved my life I think. 
 

In your shoes I would not wait long

[catz]

I think if it feels like the right time for you, it's the right time.  We haven't done this with a dog, but when cats have died, we have hada new kitten (or 2) in the house within a couple weeks.  It has brought us joy and helped us heal.  I think everyone is different.  I totally agree you should talk to your DH about it but I also don't think because someone else maybe regrets it you might not decide you want to move ahead.  It sounds like her spouse made the decision without her input which could cause additional resentment.

[Jenny in Florida]

2 minutes ago, klmama said:

Have you and your dh talked about this?  He's probably grieving her loss, too.  This seems like it should be a group decision.  You don't want a repeat of your friend's situation. 

He is sad, but she was absolutely my dog. He has said explicitly and repeatedly that  this is 100% my decision. 

[KSera]

I don’t think there’s one right way on this. I think if you keep feeling drawn to dogs and looking at dogs, you’re probably ready to welcome and love another dog. For everyone I’ve known who needs more time after losing a dog (we’re in this group), I’ve known just as many who have gotten a new dog pretty quickly and found it brought them joy. 

[Starr]

You are looking and one is calling to you. That sounds like you are ready for another. We don’t forget our pets because we get new ones , more to love. However if one was impulsively getting a pet that didn’t fit their lifestyle that could be a problem.  Think through what breed, temperament, age work best for you. And post pictures . 

[Selkie]

Go see that dog. Honor Tilda’s memory by giving a home to a dog that desperately wants and needs one.

[Pawz4me]

There is no single right answer. It's all about what's right for you. It sounds as if you're very ready to have a new buddy.

 

[klmama]

1 minute ago, Jenny in Florida said:

He is sad, but she was absolutely my dog. He has said explicitly and repeatedly that  this is 100% my decision. 

In that case, you may be ready.  I do encourage you to ask a lot of questions before adopting a shelter or rescue dog -- they certainly need homes, but some come with so much behavioral baggage that they become a huge drain on their new owners, both emotionally and financially.  I've known three dogs within two blocks of us that never got over their issues -- severe anxiety, aggression toward men, and/or aggression toward other dogs -- which has been very hard on their new owners.  

[MercyA]

It sounds to me like you are ready and have been ready even before you lost Tilda, if that makes sense. Some of us just need animal companions in our lives. 

Hugs to you. ❤️ Please keep us updated.

[HSmomof2]

I’m so sorry for your loss….agreeing with others that it’s a really personal decision. We lost our beloved 13-year-old dog a year ago…..dd was especially heartbroken. For a variety of reasons, we didn’t think we should get another dog at that time, or now. But, we did adopt a kitten about a week and half after we lost our dog. She’s super sweet, cheered us up, and is a wonderful addition to our family. 
 

ETA: my point isn’t to get a cat😊, just that I think everyone is different as far as how long to wait to get a new pet. For us, getting a new pet soon was a good decision.

Edited November 9, 2022 by HSmomof2

[JFSinIL]

If you have met a dog who is right for you, then it is time. Assume the dog is not a puppy?  Could you offer to foster the shelter dog for now...if you end up a failed foster that is great.  But fostering gives the option to relinquish the dog if need be.

[Indigo Blue]

Nothing is wrong with waiting until you feel emotionally ready, but you can also look at it from an entirely different perspective…… Life is short. Your healthy, active years of being physically able to care for a dog pass quickly. If you want to help another homeless dog, consider not wasting that precious time. You never know when the dog you adopt might be the last one you are able to give a home to, since they can live 12 to 20 years. Do you want to spend these years with a new dog at some point? Then why not now. Why wait? 
 

This isn’t to put pressure on you. Just something to think about. A different perspective. 
 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

1 minute ago, Indigo Blue said:

Nothing is wrong with waiting until you feel emotionally ready, but you can also look at it from an entirely different perspective…… Life is short. Your healthy, active years of being physically able to care for a dog pass quickly. If you want to help another homeless dog, consider not wasting that precious time. You never know when the dog you adopt might be the last one you are able to give a home to, since they can live 12 to 20 years. Do you want to spend these years with a new dog at some point? Then why not now. Why wait? 
 

This isn’t to put pressure on you. Just something to think about. A different perspective. 
 

 

Oh, I am definitely aware of that perspective. I'm no spring chicken, and, assuming I don't have more than one at a time, the number of dogs I will have in my life is limited. I've already decided I will not adopt a puppy. I had assumed I would adopt a senior dog next time, but my husband is concerned that would mean going through losing another dog too soon. (Obviously, there are no guarantees about how long any being will live, but he'd like to maximize the chances that we will have a decent number of years before we have to face it again.)

So, a limited number of years for me to help homeless dogs and a limited number of years for me to enjoy their companionship. 

[ShepCarlin]

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to lose our four legged family members.

In regards to how long to wait...it has varied for me. When our dog George died years ago, I was sad but knew his time was near. He died early December and I remember telling my husband it would be at least summer before I could consider another dog. By Christmas I NEEDED a dog. The house was just so quiet without George (even with 2 rambunctious young boys!). Took me all of January to find Mudge but we adopted him early February.

When Mudge died, I was devastated. Truly, utterly wrecked. He had a brain tumor and was only 7 years old. I was not prepared for his death. I cried every day for 3 months. It was a really bad time for me. We had another dog at the time so I think having Satchel around helped heal the wound of Mudge's passing. It took me about 3 years to get over Mudge. Satchel is my son's dog and I realized in early 2021 I was ready so we adopted Sophie.

Grief is such an individual thing. I think the timing of getting a new dog just depends so much on your particular situation.  As annoying as it is to hear it, you will just know when it's time. Your heart will tell you. 

[Corraleno]

I think if there is a dog at the shelter that is calling to you, you may be ready. To me the most important question would be whether, if you go see this dog and don't feel 100% about it, would you be able to say no? If you would feel too guilty to walk away, even if it didn't seem like a good match, then I would wait. If you feel emotionally strong enough to meet the dog but not feel like you have to take her even if you have misgivings, then I would at least go meet her.

 

[cjzimmer1]

I'm a dog foster mom (I've had 20 in the last year) so I just want to state up front I'm a bit biased about having dogs in the house.

You love dogs, you've lived with dogs, you already know you want to live with dogs in the future so what is to be gained by waiting? 

Yes your heart is broken but that pain is going to be there with or without another dog in the house.  And frankly (this is where my bias comes in), I can't help but think having another dog to love on would help ease the pain of losing your best friend.  When you add to it there are thousands and thousands of dogs across this country desperately waiting for a family, you would truly be blessing that dog by welcoming him or her into your house sooner rather than later.

One of the rescue groups I follow (that transports to my state and many others) just wrote this today:

"You may or may not know that one of our local shelters has been euthanizing 20-30 dogs almost daily, even litters and puppies make it on the euthanasia list. There’s just simply not enough resources to help all the Houston dogs in need and it’s a constant struggle. Dogs are typically given 2-3 days to find a plan otherwise they’re in jeopardy and many dogs lose their life daily."

I don't in any way mean that to make you feel guilty if you need to wait just trying to bring awareness because many people don't realize just how bad it is.

But in order to make sure you are making a good choice for your family, does your shelter offer dog walking opportunities?  Ours has slots every morning where people can come in and walk dogs.  Its great for the dogs to get out and have more interaction and great for people to get exercise.  It could give you an opportunity to have contact with dogs until you feel like you are ready to bring one home but also you might just fall in love with one.  But it's a no pressure situation while you sort through what is best for you.  Meet and greets are great but I think sometimes there is pressure when that face is staring at you to decide right then and there and it's can be a bit harder to be objective about whether that is the right one for you.

[Jenny in Florida]

Thank you all very much for your thoughts and for sharing your experiences.

I'm leaning towards letting myself go ahead and seriously look. (The dog I was looking at is actually older than I had remembered. And, while I don't want to be selfish, I also don't want to set myself up for having to say goodbye to another pet quite as soon as I fear might happen with this one.) 

Given that everything here is shutting down for a day or two because of storm/hurricane Nicole and Friday is a holiday and we have plans on Saturday, it will likely be next week before I could take any real action at this point. But I do find the arguments about not wasting time living without a dog or making a dog wait around in a shelter when they could be home with me pretty convincing. 

Thank you.

(And I promise to follow up and include pictures when the time comes.)

[Jann in TX]

At the end of one vet trip to have a dog put down the vet pulled me aside (he was a close friend) and said " Jann, I know this is TERRIBLE timing but there is a dog at a local rescue who needs you..."  turns out she DID need us (experienced with rescue German Shepherds) and we needed HER to help us through the loss of a young dog (we adopted her less than 3 weeks after our loss).  We had her 10 years.  After her loss we waited a few months as we were getting ready to move-- but once we got settled we started going to rescue centers--it was about a year before we got our next dog (only non-GS we have ever had).

Our white GS is 11 and probably will not be around much longer (this is OLD for a 140 lb dog)-- he is having a rough time getting around...  I can almost guarantee that we will have a 2nd dog within a month or so of his passing.  I want another GS-- but probably not another 140 lb one!

 

 

[Kanin]

I think you should look around. Like someone said earlier, loving another pet doesn't take away from the love you had (and still have) for previous pets. ❤️

[lmrich]

Sorry for your loss. 

Follow your heart - it will lead you the right way. 

Stay safe with the hurricane!

[Ting Tang]

I had two dogs who died two years apart.  I had them into their teens.  The last, a Keeshond, lived to be nearly 15. Her finals days were not the best; she suffered some kind of event, and because of Covid, my vet made us wait until the next morning to bring her in as I didn't want to drive hours to an emergency clinic.  I am bitter---it was 7pm.  It was just absolutely horrible.

Understand I had been without a dog ZERO days of my entire life, all 40 years.  We ended up finding a Collie breeder and chose a puppy from a picture four days later.  We did need to wait until she was old enough to bring home, which was about a month later.  

I still miss my pets dearly, from long ago and not so long ago.  I have their ashes and memories.  Our Collie has some of the same colors as our Keeshond, so in a way, maybe it was meant to be!  

You do what you think is best for you and your family. Nobody can judge you.  You can mourn a loss and love another at the same time. 

Edited November 9, 2022 by Ting Tang

[GoVanGogh]

It took me about 15 years to get another dog after my first one passed away. In hindsight, that was way too long but it also wasn’t the right time for us before that. (Had a special needs child and homeschooled them, which left me really tapped out.) That said, when my DS, my special needs kiddo, lost his first cat, we found ourselves adopting another one almost immediately. It was 100% the right thing to do and we have never regretted it. We didn’t intend to adopt another cat so soon, but we went to the mall and a local shelter had a large adopt-a-thon set up. We just stopped to pet a few dogs, which let to petting a few kitties, which led to looking at each other and knowing it was the right thing to do. 
I say go with your heart. I don’t think I will ever be without a dog at this point in my life and I would likely get another one rather quickly. It isnt replacing one with another, but honoring the love you gave one while rescuing and proving a great home to a dog that needs one.