Money, frustrated, need advice

[seemesew]

I'm frustrated so please don't think my husband is terrible, he's really not, a little foolish maybe but an amazing guy. So I told my husband 6 years ago that his Field of work wasn't going to make enough for us to live on by the time he got to a decent paying rate with inflation, kids getting older and such, but he just got SO upset and said I was being negative. I decided it wasn't worth my marriage to fight over (he really is a great husband and father it's just this one thing 😉)  Anyways here we are exactly where I said we would be and we can't make ends meet.

To make matter worse my husband's parents just sold their car dealership so my husband decided we needed another car before they retired and we bought a car. But We simply can't afford the payments. We don't "need" this car but his current car is getting older and has a few issues, though still drivable. I think we should sell the new one but he thinks its right to keep it because the older car could die, and he wants to sell it (we would maybe make $1,000 on it barely denting the payments on the newer car). I could insist and he'd listen but is that the right thing? I'm at a loss. 

For reference we have everything budgeted , no debt other than the new car and are very good with money, there simply isn't enough income for a family of 7.

I've suggested jobs he could do on the side but he's really maxed out, he's working full time and working 2 part-time jobs through the school and taking classes towards his master's.  In summer I thought he could work but he's taking summer classes to finish his master's and says he won't have time to work.

I've tried and tried to do things from home but simply don't have many skills or experience to use in the areas I need. I probably need to work somewhere outside the home but I'm terrified! I hated working when I did it years ago, our home was trashed, the kids were hard to navigate with someone watching them, and I had no energy to do anything. I was always so tired that dealing with the kids was impossible. I'd probably need to do something at night because my husband is home during those hours. But mostly I'm frustrated! If he would have just tried a different field other than teaching like I suggested, we wouldn't be in this spot. I love him and he's great but why is he so stubborn?! 😁🙈🥰

Give me some advice, please. But be kind ❤️

[mommyoffive]

It sounds like your dh is working a lot.  A fulltime job 2 PT jobs and school?  

After he gets his masters is he going to be earning more? 

How many cars do you have?  I would sell one if you don't need it.  IF you can't afford the payments on the car you need to do something about that.

How old are you kids?  Would it be easier to go back to work now that they are older? 

I think working at night would be a great idea for you.  It is a great time to go get a job with employers looking.  

 

 

[HomeAgain]

You're both being stubborn, but I really hate to say that you should look at what you wrote.  He's working 3 jobs.  He's going to school. What else should he be doing?

While it's not an ideal career field for money, he's obviously passionate about it.  So how can we help you get over your fright of working outside the home?  I can help brainstorm routines and ideas to get the kids to pitch in, or help think about what a year of them in school might look like to help you guys get better situated.

 

[seemesew]

5 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

It sounds like your dh is working a lot.  A fulltime job 2 PT jobs and school?  

After he gets his masters is he going to be earning more? 

How many cars do you have?  I would sell one if you don't need it.  IF you can't afford the payments on the car you need to do something about that.

How old are you kids?  Would it be easier to go back to work now that they are older? 

I think working at night would be a great idea for you.  It is a great time to go get a job with employers looking.  

 

 

He is working a ton! He's so good about that. After he finished his master's it's only a $3,000 raise and that is the highest his job will ever go. He had plans to maybe get into administration but it's several years away.

We're have plenty of cars all paid off they are just older and he's afraid they well die.

I think working at night may just be the best and only option at this point. But he's not going to like that, getting the kids to bed every night 😂 maybe working at that time WOULD be nice, lol!

 

[seemesew]

1 minute ago, HomeAgain said:

You're both being stubborn, but I really hate to say that you should look at what you wrote.  He's working 3 jobs.  He's going to school. What else should he be doing?

While it's not an ideal career field for money, he's obviously passionate about it.  So how can we help you get over your fright of working outside the home?  I can help brainstorm routines and ideas to get the kids to pitch in, or help think about what a year of them in school might look like to help you guys get better situated.

 

Oh I know you're right I am being stubborn too ❤️ I don't mind working out of the home in many ways and I'll get over my fear. It's just hard.

I did finally convinced my husband that maybe it would be good for me to work because he's not wanted me too. He hates dealing with the house and kids when I'm gone but I've really gotten some good systems in place the last couple years, so I know him and the kids can run things while I'm gone. And really if it's at night there isn't much to do.

[seemesew]

6 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

You're both being stubborn, but I really hate to say that you should look at what you wrote.  He's working 3 jobs.  He's going to school. What else should he be doing?

While it's not an ideal career field for money, he's obviously passionate about it.  So how can we help you get over your fright of working outside the home?  I can help brainstorm routines and ideas to get the kids to pitch in, or help think about what a year of them in school might look like to help you guys get better situated.

 

I'm not so sure he's passionate about it. He hates it and does nothing but tell me how awful the kids are or that dealing with the parents is the worst. He really enjoyed it the first couple years but not anymore with all the rules and changes that states and districts have made.

Maybe if he weren't working so many jobs he'd feel better. They are done during school hours so his day isn't any longer than a normal teaching day so sometimes I forget he does them. 

[Brittany1116]

Just chiming in to say your car is probably worth double what you think right now, economy and new cars being what they are. And depending on how bad it is, it might cost you more in repairs soon than the other car. If you have more than the 2, they need to all be assessed before you make a decision on what to let go.

[bolt.]

It sounds like you are both coming to the realization that his field of work is not a plan that sustains a whole (sizable) family on one income.

That's okay. Lots of people eventually find out that the one-income family budget is a bit of a myth for their circumstances.

Unfortunately, that means that both adults need to be working. Fortunately, working is a normal and attainable goal for most adults: including you! It sounds like it has been a while, and it sounds like you (quite realistically) know that working means that you won't necessarily enjoy your time. That makes sense: you will be exchanging your time for money, so you can't expect to also be finding that time really wonderful for its own sake.

Honestly, the hardest thing about work for you will probably be that you are too smart, wise, and grown-up for many positions. You will feel required to do pretty basic things, sometimes in ways that will seem inefficient or foolish too you. That's part of what makes a lot of kinds of work unsatisfying. Looking that in the eye, before you even begin, will help it not feel like such a let down.

Lots of families have earned income from two people. For now, it sounds like that's the best plan for you guys. Back-dated wishes that he hadn't chosen a type of employment that could have carried this whole burden alone -- those aren't helpful. What's helpful is embracing the reality that as two adults you have a shared responsibility to fund your family. You can do that together! It doesn't need to depend on one person alone.

[Hilltopmom]

Well, we need good teachers, especially males… so I’m not likely to agree that he should’ve left teaching. 
You could get a summer job instead of him.

When he’s done his degree he can work summers if need be. Many teachers have summer gigs but do need a break sometimes too- he’s already working multiple jobs.

At one time we supported ourselves on just my teacher salary- had to live in a small home to do it but it was totally do able- no new cars though.

We moved to a bigger place when I went back to work and both were working.. and the big kids were approaching college.

many families do make do on a husbands teacher salary/ so it’s possible.

As far as not liking it- the last few years have been rough on all teachers and students. My guess would be he’s exhausted from his jobs and college!

 

Edited April 21, 2022 by Hilltopmom

[seemesew]

4 minutes ago, Brittany1116 said:

Just chiming in to say your car is probably worth double what you think right now, economy and new cars being what they are. And depending on how bad it is, it might cost you more in repairs soon than the other car. If you have more than the 2, they need to all be assessed before you make a decision on what to let go.

Good point. We have 5 cars with the new one, all are paid off except the new one. They are all old though that's why he worries.

Edited April 21, 2022 by seemesew

[hjffkj]

We were in this situation a few years ago. I was completely willing to work also but it would have been difficult to figure out logistics with childcare and such. I was also willing to become the main breadwinner and him being the home schooling parent. What I wasn't willing to do is continue to allow my dh to live a delusion that his career he was passionate about would be able to sustain us. He wasn't really unwilling to make changes he was just paralyzed with fear of the unknown.

I won't go into the details of how we got where we are publicly but he did a career change and within two years he's surpassed what he was making previously and when you add in bonuses and benefits his previous job doesn't come close to competing with what he has now. The way I see it is, my dh had 20 years in a position he was passionate about and loved. It was time for him to either do what was best for  his family or I would step up and do it.

[seemesew]

1 minute ago, Hilltopmom said:

Well, we need good teachers, especially males… so I’m not likely to agree that he should’ve left teaching. 
You could get a summer job instead of him.

When he’s done his degree he can work summers if need be. Many teachers have summer gigs but do need a break sometimes too- he’s already working multiple jobs.

At one time we supported ourselves on just my teacher salary- had to live in a small home to do it but it was totally do able- no new cars though.

As far as not liking it- the last few years have been rough on all teachers and students. My guess would be he’s exhausted from his jobs and college!

 

Right!? I've said this for years!!! I am afraid don't get me wrong but I'll get over it. 

Maybe with things being so tight he'll be more willing to.

[seemesew]

1 minute ago, hjffkj said:

We were in this situation a few years ago. I was completely willing to work also but it would have been difficult to figure out logistics with childcare and such. I was also willing to become the main breadwinner and him being the home schooling parent. What I wasn't willing to do is continue to allow my dh to live a delusion that his career he was passionate about would be able to sustain us. He wasn't really unwilling to make changes he was just paralyzed with fear of the unknown.

I won't go into the details of how we got where we are publicly but he did a career change and within two years he's surpassed what he was making previously and when you add in bonuses and benefits his previous job doesn't come close to competing with what he has now. The way I see it is, my dh had 20 years in a position he was passionate about and loved. It was time for him to either do what was best for  his family or I would step up and do it.

I can completely relate to this ❤️

My husband is afraid that if he makes more money he'll be a bad guy because the bible says that thing about "it's easier for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel through a needle" or something like that. 

Anyways it's time for some changes for sure!

[seemesew]

7 minutes ago, bolt. said:

It sounds like you are both coming to the realization that his field of work is not a plan that sustains a whole (sizable) family on one income.

That's okay. Lots of people eventually find out that the one-income family budget is a bit of a myth for their circumstances.

Unfortunately, that means that both adults need to be working. Fortunately, working is a normal and attainable goal for most adults: including you! It sounds like it has been a while, and it sounds like you (quite realistically) know that working means that you won't necessarily enjoy your time. That makes sense: you will be exchanging your time for money, so you can't expect to also be finding that time really wonderful for its own sake.

Honestly, the hardest thing about work for you will probably be that you are too smart, wise, and grown-up for many positions. You will feel required to do pretty basic things, sometimes in ways that will seem inefficient or foolish too you. That's part of what makes a lot of kinds of work unsatisfying. Looking that in the eye, before you even begin, will help it not feel like such a let down.

Lots of families have earned income from two people. For now, it sounds like that's the best plan for you guys. Back-dated wishes that he hadn't chosen a type of employment that could have carried this whole burden alone -- those aren't helpful. What's helpful is embracing the reality that as two adults you have a shared responsibility to fund your family. You can do that together! It doesn't need to depend on one person alone.

We are definitely in a realization mode that things aren't working. 

[hjffkj]

Just now, seemesew said:

I can completely relate to this ❤️

My husband is afraid that if he makes more money he'll be a bad guy because the bible says that thing about "it's easier for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel through a needle" or something like that. 

Anyways it's time for some changes for sure!

Making more money and being rich are very different things. It is also bad to put your pride above your family's needs.

[bolt.]

2 minutes ago, seemesew said:

My husband is afraid that if he makes more money he'll be a bad guy because the bible says that thing about "it's easier for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel through a needle" or something like that. 

Ask him how much he knows about the class system of the Roman world -- to help him remember that there is a *vast* difference between someone whom Jesus would classify as 'a rich man' and a man who is working hard to attain a middle class lifestyle through an ordinary way of making-ends-meet.

[kbutton]

Have you considered seasonal work to dip your toe into the working pool? I am hoping to do that next year. I had considered it this year, and it turned out to be good that I delayed a year. Anyway, my son works a seasonal job at a greenhouse/garden center. They aren't open late, so you'd always be home for bedtimes. They'll let him work as many hours as he's free, but they pretty much take whatever hours people can do and will just hire more seasonal people if they have to, which is nice. 

3 minutes ago, seemesew said:

Good point. We have 5 cars with the new one all are paid off. They are all old though that's why he worries.

I understand this, and with the used market so tight right now, he might've felt like it wasn't going to get easier to delay a purchase. We had two used cars with varying challenges (no A/C in one, etc.). We weren't dying for a new car, but we didn't really want to get stranded on a long trip (no family nearby), and we knew we couldn't put things offer forever. We bought used, but it was the most we've ever paid for a used car. Anyway, it's saved our bacon to have it a few times. 

The other suggestion I would make is that if you have teens, maybe they can take on paying for some of their "extras." Some families are loathe to do that, but I think it's good to start transitioning. Some do that with car insurance/phone, others by having them buy their own clothes, etc. In previous generations, it was normal for teens to pay for a lot of their own stuff, at least where I grew up. Doubly so if it was a big family. It wasn't terribly uncommon for my generation either.

[prairiewindmomma]

A few thoughts:

1. The finances end of things is straightforward. Analyze your outgoings, look at your income, and see what your options are. It's a bit surprising that you own five cars. We are a family of 6, with 4 driving age persons, and we have two cars. They are expensive to insure and maintain.  Perhaps you can sell some combination of your used cars so that you keep the two most reliable?

2. If two people bring children into the world, two people are obligated to help provide for them.  You can't exactly send children back once you get them, so the obligation of providing for them is shared---no one's labor should be off the table for consideration unless there are major issues at hand (physical disability, severe mental health issues, etc.). We all come to different tradeoffs of labor for renumeration versus unpaid labor at home in our relationships, but the burden is shared, and not just on your husband.

3. I get the sense you are conflict avoidant.  Conflict doesn't have to be me versus him or with the scary emotional overhangs that you attached to your words.  Very few things are worth divorcing over, imo, and I don't think there is a single fight over ideas that could bring that to the table in my marriage. It's simply not a place we would go to, and so I don't need to be afraid to bring ideas that may bring disagreement because we both understand that we are rational people who want what's best for our family.  Of course your dh struggles with the idea of his work not being sufficient to provide for the family.  That's not a problem based on his personal failings---it's a systemic failing of our nation that we don't provide a living wage to people.  That doesn't change the reality of needing to feed and care for everyone---but I would reassure him that this isn't a personal failing of his---it's just the reality of the numbers in front of him.

4. In hindsight, it may have been better for him not to have gotten a master's but to put you in school instead.  A $3k increase in salary wouldn't even cover a semester of tuition here at the school.  You, however, could go to school to get a high renumeration job. 

5. The reason so few are able to homeschool is because most families need two income earners to survive these days. Even then, many of those families are struggling. 

[prairiewindmomma]

5 minutes ago, seemesew said:

 

My husband is afraid that if he makes more money he'll be a bad guy because the bible says that thing about "it's easier for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel through a needle" or something like that. 

 

Generally this is interpreted to mean a person who values "filthy lucre" over other things---think of the stories in the Bible in which the rich are viewed. Generally they are viewed as being hypocritical--tithing their herbs but failing to care for those they have obligation for---generally the poor, but this would include your family as well because a husband has an obligation to this family.

[Catwoman]

9 minutes ago, seemesew said:

I can completely relate to this ❤️

My husband is afraid that if he makes more money he'll be a bad guy because the bible says that thing about "it's easier for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel through a needle" or something like that. 

Anyways it's time for some changes for sure!

I’m sorry, but that sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. He’s not making enough money to even cover the car payments and basic living expenses. This has nothing to do with being rich; it sounds more like a lame excuse to me.

[Slache]

You need short term and long term plans. Short term could be selling the car, selling other things, applying for assistance, calling creditors and asking for grace. I have done all of this since March 2020.

Long term is fixing your income. Either he needs to do something or you do. Figure out which and come up with a plan. My husband drives for Uber on his time for $20/hr. You could drive from 6AM to 9AM and make $100/wk if you can leave the kids. That shouldn't interfere with your lifestyle. You could also be trained as a phlebotomist and make close to double minimum wage and work in the evenings. There are a lot of options.

[mommyoffive]

18 minutes ago, seemesew said:

Good point. We have 5 cars with the new one, all are paid off except the new one. They are all old though that's why he worries.

5 cars??  What the heck for?  Sell them.  Sell either 3 or 4 right now, the timing couldn't be better.

[Slache]

20 minutes ago, seemesew said:

Good point. We have 5 cars with the new one all are paid off. They are all old though that's why he worries.

No. Sell 3 and ditch the poor gas mileage, repair costs and insurance bill.

18 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

We were in this situation a few years ago. I was completely willing to work also but it would have been difficult to figure out logistics with childcare and such. I was also willing to become the main breadwinner and him being the home schooling parent. What I wasn't willing to do is continue to allow my dh to live a delusion that his career he was passionate about would be able to sustain us. He wasn't really unwilling to make changes he was just paralyzed with fear of the unknown.

Yup yup yup! It took the pandemic to shake mine.

[hjffkj]

1 minute ago, mommyoffive said:

5 cars??  What the heck for?  Sell them.  Sell either 3 or 4 right now, the timing couldn't be better.

This. We have a single car right now. And while 2 cars would be great it just isn't in the financial cards for us right now because our focus is on the future

[seemesew]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

I’m sorry, but that sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. He’s not making enough money to even cover the car payments and basic living expenses. This has nothing to do with being rich; it sounds more like a lame excuse to me.

It is ridiculous. But also things don't always come out right in typing, I mean you guys can't see everything and I simply can't explain all of it. But it is what he says and I've told him what you and others are saying multiple times. It's just something he struggles with. 

I guess I'll look into something I can do at night or during the summer at the very least. I just don't know what else to do. I know I'm probably being pushy but I still think he should and could change careers because he really isn't that happy in this one. 

I'm hindsight it would have been better to send me through school and it's something we've always wanted to do but a couple unexpected health issues and pregnancy changed a lot of plans back then. He isn't paying for his masters either btw, the college has a program for teachers so he isn't paying for it except for a few books.

[seemesew]

4 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

5 cars??  What the heck for?  Sell them.  Sell either 3 or 4 right now, the timing couldn't be better.

Right?! I'm not even sure how we ended up here 🤣 1 we bought for my son who drives it to work he helped us buy it and it only cost $300 so it hardly counts.

[mommyoffive]

Just now, seemesew said:

Right?! I'm not even sure how we ended up here 🤣 1 we bought for my son who drives it to work he helped us buy it and it only cost $300 so it hardly counts.

Oh you have older kids?   It seems like if you worked at night it would be pretty easy at your home for your dh with older kids not little ones that need help doing everything.  How many cars do you actually need? 

[Slache]

You need to have a conversation with your church leader about the eye of the needle. The eye of the needle is a specific gate to the city that people can go through but would not adequately fit a camel. In order for the camel to get through the gate it would have to cast off everything it has and crawl through. It means you have to put Heaven before your possessions, but the camel can absolutely fit through the eye of the needle if it has its priorities straight.

Edited April 21, 2022 by Slache

[seemesew]

Just now, mommyoffive said:

Oh you have older kids?   It seems like if you worked at night it would be pretty easy at your home for your dh with older kids not little ones that need help doing everything.  How many cars do you actually need? 

My oldest is 17 but not home much between work and college. We really only need 3 cars, we live semi rual and can't get anywhere without a car, not even t to the mail box, lol!

Maybe we could sell 2 of them, I hadn't really thought of that but that does sound silly now that it's all written out.

[seemesew]

Just now, Slache said:

You need to have a conversation your church leader about the eye of the needle. The eye of the needle is a specific gate to the city that people can go through but would not adequately fit a camel. In order for the camel to get through the gate it would have to cast off everything it has and climb through. It means you have to put Heaven before your possessions, but the camel can absolutely fit through the eye of the needle if it has its priorities straight.

Wow, that is beautiful! I'll share this with my husband, thank you ❤️

[mommyoffive]

Just now, seemesew said:

My oldest is 17 but not home much between work and college. We really only need 3 cars, we live semi rual and can't get anywhere without a car, not even t to the mail box, lol!

Maybe we could sell 2 of them, I hadn't really thought of that but that does sound silly now that it's all written out.

Sell them!!  If you don't need it get rid of it.  Seriously the used car market is so high right now you are never going to get these prices again. 

I laughed at your last part.  Sometimes the simple changes are so easy we should have done them years ago.  I have done this with somethings where I thought this is so much better why the heck didn't I do it 10 years ago.  

[Hilltopmom]

33 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

4. In hindsight, it may have been better for him not to have gotten a master's but to put you in school instead.  A $3k increase in salary wouldn't even cover a semester of tuition here at the school.  You, however, could go to school to get a high renumeration job. 
 

Sorry- quoting issues.

My words here: this may not have been a choice- in my state teachers Must have a masters degree. You can start teaching without one but only have a certain number of years to get it 

Edited April 21, 2022 by Hilltopmom

[fairfarmhand]

15 minutes ago, seemesew said:

Wow, that is beautiful! I'll share this with my husband, thank you ❤️

Also, there were indeed wealthy people who followed Christ. Also in the early church. The main thing christ was going for is that wealth is a tool, not your means of salvation. 

[Brittany1116]

49 minutes ago, seemesew said:

Good point. We have 5 cars with the new one, all are paid off except the new one. They are all old though that's why he worries.

If you have 5, I'd sell the two least reliable ASAP.

[maize]

Double check whether you qualify for any assistance programs like SNAP. In my state, a family of seven living off of a typical teacher salary would likely qualify.

[prairiewindmomma]

It’s not “being pushy” to express concern that basic needs aren’t being met/won’t be met. 
 

One can avoid direct reference to his lack of salary by rephrasing, “Our current budget needs aren’t being met. We currently have a shortfall of $$$$. I expect our budget needs will likely be $$$$$/month within the next two years. What are your thoughts on this? How do you think we can make up the shortfall?”

[seemesew]

1 minute ago, maize said:

Double check whether you qualify for any assistance programs like SNAP. In my state, a family of seven living off of a typical teacher salary would likely qualify.

We make $100 too much to qualify. 

3 minutes ago, Brittany1116 said:

If you have 5, I'd sell the two least reliable ASAP.

I'm definitely talking to my husband about this tonight. I can definitely see this is silly when for some reason I hadn't really noticed before.

[teachermom2834]

I get how you can end up holding on to an old car rather than getting rid of it. It feels like it holds more value to you if you need it than the cash it could bring. Right now we have a beater sitting in our driveway that we are paying to insure that no one is using. Because we have three adult children and who knows when someone might be in a jam and it is a decent car we like and they are hard to come by right now. 

However- every single time I count our luxuries the first one I count is that old beater in the driveway. Like if we need to cut back it is the beater, my gym membership and our Friday night dinner out. It is the very first thing on the chopping block. So I get how you ended up with some extra old cars. I really do. But they should go.

[seemesew]

1 minute ago, teachermom2834 said:

I get how you can end up holding on to an old car rather than getting rid of it. It feels like it holds more value to you if you need it than the cash it could bring. Right now we have a beater sitting in our driveway that we are paying to insure that no one is using. Because we have three adult children and who knows when someone might be in a jam and it is a decent car we like and they are hard to come by right now. 

However- every single time I count our luxuries the first one I count is that old beater in the driveway. Like if we need to cut back it is the beater, my gym membership and our Friday night dinner out. It is the very first thing on the chopping block. So I get how you ended up with some extra old cars. I really do. But they should go.

This is exactly what i think happened! They are luxuries and not needed.

[Brittany1116]

Someone else just mentioned the other savings in selling cars. Insurance premiums will drop and you'll feel like you got a raise in addition to the sale.

[teachermom2834]

3 minutes ago, seemesew said:

This is exactly what i think happened! They are luxuries and not needed.

Now I want to sell my beater 😉 we can all use a check up from time to time.

You are taking all the advice well. It is hard not to be defensive. Sometimes there just isn’t enough income and you can’t thrift or budget your way out of it. But it sounds like you know that. So yes, tune up your situation in regards to things like the extra cars but you also have to address the inadequate income. It took me way too long to figure that out. But sounds like you know that. Just have to put it in motion.

[seemesew]

5 minutes ago, Brittany1116 said:

Someone else just mentioned the other savings in selling cars. Insurance premiums will drop and you'll feel like you got a raise in addition to the sale.

good point!!!

 

[seemesew]

ALso, WHY when you say to group of homeschooling moms that you might need to find way's to get extra income do they ALWYAS suggest an MLM?! I've done my fair share usually for the discount in years past but seriously?! I would never turn to it for a serious income. 🤦‍♀️

[Catwoman]

Just now, seemesew said:

ALso, WHY when you say to group of homeschooling moms that you might need to find way's to get extra income do they ALWYAS suggest an MLM?! I've done my fair share usually for the discount in years past but seriously?! I would never turn to it for a serious income. 🤦‍♀️

You are so smart to not fall for that!!!

[SKL]

I agree with selling at least 2 if not 3 cars.  When I was a teen in college, my family had 2 cars and 7 people living at home, including 5 commuting to college and at least 2 working full-time.  Living in a rural town with no public transportation.  Necessity is the mother of invention.  And I agree that now is a great time to sell used cars.

What else do you have around the house, unneeded, that you could sell or donate to free up resources?

Sounds like it won't be long before your financial burden is somewhat lifted by your children beginning to support themselves / pitch in.

Good luck finding a rewarding job.

[ktgrok]

Changing careers 6 years ago is no longer an option, unless you have a time machine.

Is there any reason he is not open to changing careers NOW? Like, looking into it?

[seemesew]

8 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

Changing careers 6 years ago is no longer an option, unless you have a time machine.

Is there any reason he is not open to changing careers NOW? Like, looking into it?

He is open to it! We actually talked about it last week and he is willing to do something else. There just aren't a ton of options here that is not oil driven and those jobs are not stable Right now. Though they do make a really good living.

[elegantlion]

I also would encourage you to sell a few cars and find some part-time or seasonal employment. 

When ds was younger, I really should have went to work, but my ex-dh was controlling. At times we conveniently ended up with one working car and I had no way to get to a job (also lived in an area where a car was needed). In hindsight, I should have insisted that I work at least part-time and that I have a working car. My ex was never good with money...there weren't enough ends to meet many times. He was also borderline financially abusive but that's a whole other thing. . 

Your dh obviously working/schooling as much as he can, so I would encourage you to step in and help ease some of that burden. He may not want you to work, you may not want to work, and I know it's easy to ignore that reality, and I do mean this kindly and with great sincerity. Life is more expensive now. Sometimes it's just not realistic to be a one income family. 

I ended up divorced (lots of reasons, money was only one of them), started school in 2013 and have been a student ever since. Teaching and doing a master's is time consuming - almost all consuming, so I feel for him. 

This is the biggest thing: Trust yourself, trust your family that they can pull together and deal with this. 

Outline some of your choices: (no need to answer here, but things to consider)

- have him change professions - easier said than done, even if teaching doesn't pay well what other industries do and what options are there to retrain even if he wanted to change. Retraining takes away from earning (one of my family members is in the midst of doing this - it kind of bites) *I* would not force a man to change careers for more income  if I was also not working. 

- sell some cars - you've already got some good advice

- have you work part-time,  in the summer, or evenings. You said you don't feel qualified. What can YOU get qualified to do? Are there things that you can study while homeschooling and prepare for a career? Are there inexpensive options that you could do online? What pays well in your area?

- how much more $ do you need to feel more comfortable. That might dictate what type of work you should look for. 

 

[SKL]

Since he is open to discussing a change, maybe plan a time when you two can sit down and discuss finances and options together.  Is it possible that he doesn't realize just how tight the money is?

[prairiewindmomma]

44 minutes ago, seemesew said:

ALso, WHY when you say to group of homeschooling moms that you might need to find way's to get extra income do they ALWYAS suggest an MLM?! I've done my fair share usually for the discount in years past but seriously?! I would never turn to it for a serious income. 🤦‍♀️

because they are generally in a MLM themselves and want someone downstream from them.

This is especially true if you live in the intermountain west (Idaho/Utah/Arizona) or if you're in a conservative Christian community.  There's more social pressure there for women to not work outside of the home, and many of those women do not have college degrees that easily translate into professional work from home opportunities like computer programming or nurse case management. So, how do you work from home without sufficient training? MLM. 

MLMs are horrible financially for nearly everyone because of their pyramid scheme compensation design.