Wedding complaints

[Guest]

I feel I should interject about one issue: the crazy bachelorette getaway weekend. Let me just step up on this here soapbox…ok, that’s better. 
 

Before dd got married, I thought the same way. My nieces were taking big trips to New Orleans, Florida, Outer Banks, etc. For days and days! I was like, “Woah, y’all! That’s *insane*! Your bridal party already be spending hundreds of dollars on attire, a gift, possibly hotel if wedding is too far, maybe manicures, shoes, jewelry…” I also thought it was wacko. However! My dd’s maid of honor planned this stuff herself. It’s not as though dd demanded it or even suggested it was necessary. I think some of that goes with modern weddings happening later and when the wedding party has a “real job” and enough money that this is not such a burden. The bridesmaids and/or groomsmen *want* the trip, too; the bachelorette element is just the cherry on top. 
 

So. I think that explains that. Of course it would be wrong for a bride or groom to demand it, or really even expect it particularly. But if the MoH/Best Man wants to plan something like that and is presumably considerate of the ability of the other party members’ ability to participate, I no longer think it’s madness. 
 

Both of my sons were groomsmen and both went to an Air BnB lake house trip for a (low-key, but still vacation-like) bachelor party. The other guys covered my younger son’s lodging costs because they knew due to his age he would not have much money to contribute. 

[Melissa Louise]

I've never understood weddings. 

I mean, I understand the religious bit, if you're religious. I don't really understand the rest of it. 

For me, it's like horses. Some girls  really, truly loved horses. I never got it. 

The last wedding I was invited to had to go ahead with no guests due to Covid. I wasn't sad! 

People also sometimes cry at weddings (in books). Why? 

So much I don't understand about weddings. 

(I concede it's a me problem). 

[Katy]

5 hours ago, catz said:

What are people complaining about?  The wedding size?  They weren't invited?  That is completely bizarre to me.  And I'm from the midwest FWIW I don't know which way this went but just wanted to throw that in there.  Sounds like a very niche community/family that has very specific expectations on how weddings are "done".    Are these seniors who have filter issues?

Like in general, unless your precious random opinion is solicited, you can just zip it.   It is just beyond weird to me that anyone would say anything other than something along the lines of "your wedding was beautiful/enjoyable/lovely/memorable" after the fact?  Don't people learn, if you don't have anything nice to say .... anymore?

Yes, I hear secondhand that people I've still never met are annoyed DH didn't invite them.  I guess in their town the norm is to have a huge mid afternoon wedding and serve sheet cake and artificial fruit punch and cream cheese mints  and nuts on paper plates with the sort of plastic punch cups that I associate with vacation bible school, not weddings. I would call that tacky.  Most of my family would call that tacky, and my mom is from the Midwest too (my parents met in the military). Half of my extended family is midwestern, and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding like that.  I don't know what is wrong with people, but I know I don't want to live in that town.

[catz]

28 minutes ago, J-rap said:

I understand that part...    It's the walking away from your faith altogether (not just a church community, but the faith) because of something like that.  

I suspect in a lot of situations, it isn't actually just that one thing.  It's just the straw that broke the camel's back after a slow build up.  Just as someone who left a church as a twenty-something around the time we were thinking of marriage.

[Clarita]

We actually found a person who didn't have a flower shop but did flowers for events. That was much cheaper ($2300 for a 400 person wedding). Also apparently you can get a better deal on flowers if you don't specify the actual flower but just specify the colors; then they can just get in-season flowers which are cheaper. It was an outdoor wedding so it was just an arch, bouquets and flower pins, small vase of flowers on every table, and flowers to top the cake.

We only got enough fancy cake for about half the guests and get a mass-produced chocolate sheet cake to cover the rest. (Saves the heartache when your guests don't finish the fancy cake.) The food caterer actually came up with this plan. He agreed it was a good idea not to get so much fancy cake, but he said you don't want to really run out either. 

Learn from my mistake and do the reception at a place that can provide food. It is a pain (both wallet-wise and just finding someone) to find a caterer who can either transport their equipment and/or use someone else's kitchen. 

Plan well for the wedding, but don't expect things to go according to plan. On the day of appoint someone in charge who kind of knows what's suppose to happen (seriously consider hiring out if you can afford it, otherwise find someone not of the wedding party or who wouldn't mind missing parts of the wedding) to deal with the day of stuff. 

2 minutes ago, Katy said:

es, I hear secondhand that people I've still never met are annoyed DH didn't invite them. 

I heard first hand people who didn't know my husband or my name complain that they weren't invited. 

[Katy]

5 minutes ago, Clarita said:

I heard first hand people who didn't know my husband or my name complain that they weren't invited. 

Why?

[ktgrok]

20 minutes ago, Quill said:

I feel I should interject about one issue: the crazy bachelorette getaway weekend. Let me just step up on this here soapbox…ok, that’s better. 
 

Before dd got married, I thought the same way. My nieces were taking big trips to New Orleans, Florida, Outer Banks, etc. For days and days! I was like, “Woah, y’all! That’s *insane*! Your bridal party already be spending hundreds of dollars on attire, a gift, possibly hotel if wedding is too far, maybe manicures, shoes, jewelry…” I also thought it was wacko. However! My dd’s maid of honor planned this stuff herself. It’s not as though dd demanded it or even suggested it was necessary. I think some of that goes with modern weddings happening later and when the wedding party has a “real job” and enough money that this is not such a burden. The bridesmaids and/or groomsmen *want* the trip, too; the bachelorette element is just the cherry on top. 
 

So. I think that explains that. Of course it would be wrong for a bride or groom to demand it, or really even expect it particularly. But if the MoH/Best Man wants to plan something like that and is presumably considerate of the ability of the other party members’ ability to participate, I no longer think it’s madness. 
 

Both of my sons were groomsmen and both went to an Air BnB lake house trip for a (low-key, but still vacation-like) bachelor party. The other guys covered my younger son’s lodging costs because they knew due to his age he would not have much money to contribute. 

I think the problem is, the MoH may not know the finances and time constraints of the rest of the wedding party. When I was invited to one I had never even met the MoH. 

16 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

 

People also sometimes cry at weddings (in books). Why? 

So much I don't understand about weddings. 

(I concede it's a me problem). 

I cry when I'm emotional - happy or sad - and I find the idea of people taking that leap of faith, that optimism that love will conquer all, to be very emotional. So I cry at all weddings. All of them, lol. 

[Clarita]

3 minutes ago, Katy said:

Why?

Beats me. I have never asked why I wasn't invited to parties, so I'm just as baffled as you are. I may have been snarky though and responded with because my name isn't Clara.

[Faith-manor]

43 minutes ago, Katy said:

Yes, I hear secondhand that people I've still never met are annoyed DH didn't invite them.  I guess in their town the norm is to have a huge mid afternoon wedding and serve sheet cake and artificial fruit punch and cream cheese mints  and nuts on paper plates with the sort of plastic punch cups that I associate with vacation bible school, not weddings. I would call that tacky.  Most of my family would call that tacky, and my mom is from the Midwest too (my parents met in the military). Half of my extended family is midwestern, and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding like that.  I don't know what is wrong with people, but I know I don't want to live in that town.

I get that. I associate it with "church potluck" as well, and NOT wedding.

One of my dear friends in college wanted a drive through reception. He said he would build a two-seater drive up window and decorate it, he and bride would dress up and greet people as they came by, hand a slice of cake out the window, and wave while music blared in the parking lot! 😂😂😂 His mother convinced him that if he was that against social expectations, he should elope which is exactly what they did.

At least he didn't propose a drive through ceremony! 😁 I could totally see some crazy tv evangelist offering that service though. Drive up to his office window, the church secretary runs outside to the car with a basket of rice, hand the marriage license through the window after signing, read the vows off the pre-printed card, get pronounced, hand him $100 for services rendered, tip the secretary who is now throwing rice at the car, and drive off. The deluxe package requires an online order placed 24 hours in advance with Door Dash and includes two decorated cupcakes, two Hawaiian juice boxes, a bow and just married sign for the car, a cell phone photo texted to your number, and a faux mother to dab her eyes. $250.00. 

[Resilient]

We are having dinner tonight with a couple who got married during COVID lockdowns.  They were SO thankful for the “permission” to have a small and reasonable wedding.  I adore them.  

[Guest]

55 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

think the problem is, the MoH may not know the finances and time constraints of the rest of the wedding party. When I was invited to one I had never even met the MoH. 

That could happen of course, but there is such a thing as saying, “I’m sorry; I won’t be able to participate in that.” One of my daughter’s bridesmaid is married and lives on the other coast. She was already going to a fair amount of trouble to be in the wedding at all. She didn’t go on the girls weekend trip. Nobody minded AFAIK. It was understandable and just wasn’t an issue. 

[Danae]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

Yes, I hear secondhand that people I've still never met are annoyed DH didn't invite them.  I guess in their town the norm is to have a huge mid afternoon wedding and serve sheet cake and artificial fruit punch and cream cheese mints  and nuts on paper plates with the sort of plastic punch cups that I associate with vacation bible school, not weddings. I would call that tacky.  Most of my family would call that tacky, and my mom is from the Midwest too (my parents met in the military). Half of my extended family is midwestern, and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding like that.  I don't know what is wrong with people, but I know I don't want to live in that town.

While my own wedding and reception were more formal, I attended many weddings like this description growing up, and I’ve probably made thousands of cream cheese mints helping neighbors prepare for them. They were lovely. You and the most of your family that would call it tacky are welcome to go jump in a lake.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

2 hours ago, J-rap said:

I've never really understood this.  Why one someone give up on their whole faith just because of a social/cultural disappointment?  (Sorry it happened though.)

Oh if I told the whole story it would hijack the thread.  This was just like the beginning thing that started the cascade and there are other factors as well.  Eventually his family also left the church and is at a truly wonderful church, but he has such a bad taste in his mouth about church now that he won’t go.  But no, it wasn’t that the church boycotted our reception, that was just the start and it escalated from there.  

[KungFuPanda]

12 hours ago, Amethyst said:

Marriage is a wonderful thing. True love, I’m all about it. But weddings! Boy, have they gotten off course. 
 

Where shall I start? Let’s start with destination weddings. I find them to be incredibly selfish. I mean there are two families and if they are from different areas, some people will be traveling. But there’s a big difference between traveling to some no-name town in PA and traveling to a resort in an exotic location like Hawaii. (My son who is recently engaged has speculated that it is a way to purposely whittle down the guest list). 
 

Make-up artists? For every member of the wedding party including mothers, grandmothers? Save your money, I’ll do my own makeup, thank you very much. I did my own hair and makeup when I was a bride and brides maids, and so did every woman I knew. I know times have changed, but if there is an easy way to save money on weddings, this is a no-brainer. 

Ugh. How about the weekend long bachelorette party in Nashville/NYC/New Orleans? Craziness! Stop making these people spend so much money on you for the “privilege” of being in your wedding party!

If there is one thing that I think my children know that I absolutely can’t stand at modern weddings and feel the same way about, it is the toasts. Aagh. Not toasts any more, speeches. Aaagh!!! I cringe. So embarrassing. Best men who emabarrass the groom; new sister-in-law embarrass the bride; I’ve seen a sister stand up with five full pages of script, hands shaking, choked up reading basically the bride’s life story for TWENTY long painful minutes. Whatever happened to a one minute toast wishing the couple happiness? 

I’ll stop here. I could go on and on. My son and his fiancee have not started planning and I’m trying to stay out of it. There are parts if weddings I enjoy…seeing family, dancing, witnessing the excitement of new love. But then I read articles about the prices of flowers going up and I worry and start thinking about all the ways weddings make young couples start out their married life spending beyond their means. So, needed to rant a bit. 

Most people don't have weddings like you described.  Most people can't afford it if they wanted to blow that kind of cash. I think we just hear more about the crazy ones.

[Katy]

2 hours ago, Danae said:

While my own wedding and reception were more formal, I attended many weddings like this description growing up, and I’ve probably made thousands of cream cheese mints helping neighbors prepare for them. They were lovely. You and the most of your family that would call it tacky are welcome to go jump in a lake.

I'm sure they're quite lovely IF that is what the bride and groom want.  Personally, I think the people who barely know DH but think we were obligated to provide hundreds of people that I don't know entertainment and a sub-par snack just because they happen to live in the same town  he grew up in but hasn't lived in more than 10 years and who still complain about it years later are the ones out of line, not my expectation that I don't have an obligation to make something that is holy to me a community event in a town I'd only visited 4 times.

[Frances]

4 hours ago, J-rap said:

I've never really understood this.  Why one someone give up on their whole faith just because of a social/cultural disappointment?  (Sorry it happened though.)

 

Edited April 4, 2022 by Frances

[plansrme]

8 hours ago, Katy said:

I'm sure they're quite lovely IF that is what the bride and groom want.  Personally, I think the people who barely know DH but think we were obligated to provide hundreds of people that I don't know entertainment and a sub-par snack just because they happen to live in the same town  he grew up in but hasn't lived in more than 10 years and who still complain about it years later are the ones out of line, not my expectation that I don't have an obligation to make something that is holy to me a community event in a town I'd only visited 4 times.

I had the same reaction Danae had to your snarky comments about mints (a sub-par snack? you know a ton of ladies reading this comment had these mints, and possibly not much else, at their own own church basement receptions), but this comment really describes the tone of most of this thread. The bride and groom are damned if they do, damned if they don't. If they want a destination wedding? How selfish! If they want mints and punch in the church basement? How tacky! Some of y'all just need to stay out of other people's business. If you can't find it in your heart to be a joyful witness to the joining of two lives because the venue/dress/caterer/bar/pre-wedding celebration is not what you would have picked, please do the couple a favor and promptly decline your invitation.

[El...]

(I love those mints. Carry on.) 

[Faith-manor]

1 hour ago, plansrme said:

I had the same reaction Danae had to your snarky comments about mints (a sub-par snack? you know a ton of ladies reading this comment had these mints, and possibly not much else, at their own own church basement receptions), but this comment really describes the tone of most of this thread. The bride and groom are damned if they do, damned if they don't. If they want a destination wedding? How selfish! If they want mints and punch in the church basement? How tacky! Some of y'all just need to stay out of other people's business. If you can't find it in your heart to be a joyful witness to the joining of two lives because the venue/dress/caterer/bar/pre-wedding celebration is not what you would have picked, please do the couple a favor and promptly decline your invitation.

And this is why I eventually became a fan of elopements, grab the friends and go to Vegas, whatever. It is impossible these days to make people happy. While in the "old days" due to social decorum and politeness, people would have kept their snarks to themselves, it isn't that way now. Brides and grooms get this backlash all.the.time. I have seen so many couples just miserable on their wedding days because people are so mean, and family fights, and divorced relatives angst, and just all kinds of shocking behavior. Bad behavior is acceptable now, and practically even celebrated.

[fairfarmhand]

12 hours ago, Danae said:

While my own wedding and reception were more formal, I attended many weddings like this description growing up, and I’ve probably made thousands of cream cheese mints helping neighbors prepare for them. They were lovely. You and the most of your family that would call it tacky are welcome to go jump in a lake.

Yeah. My dh and I were so flat broke that that type of reception was the best we could do. Thankfully, we grew up so poor that we thought that was a great wedding. We were surrounded by loving people who knew us and watched us grow up. So tacky? 

Maybe, Depending on who you asked.

But we were happy. I guess it was better to have the wedding that we could afford than to go into MORE debt to have something that some arbitrary person would think was classy and tasteful. 

Nobody ever had the guts to ask why they weren't invited. Oh well. 

[ktgrok]

10 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

Most people don't have weddings like you described.  Most people can't afford it if they wanted to blow that kind of cash. I think we just hear more about the crazy ones.

I know a LOT of weddings like are being described, my sister's included. I know she spent 20-30K on her wedding. And they are now divorced. Bet she wishes she had that back! That said, it was in Palm Beach, so that inflates costs a lot. She didn't do a lot of crazy stuff, and that money did get her a beautiful space in a very old hotel - NOT the typical generic conference/event room in the HIlton. And she was married in a gorgeous church - Bethesda by the Sea, I think it is actually the church our previous president pretends he attends. I'm sure in a less costly area (we grew up only about  minutes from that church) it would have been less costly, and again, at least it was somewhat less "generic". I feel badly for people that spend that much and have a room that looks like a dermatology conference might be held there any second. Still, yikes!

 

19 hours ago, Quill said:

When dd got married last year, she planned the wedding in a nice, though not exotic, location two hours from where the majority of guests live. I actually did come to see this as an *advantage* for the reason your son describes. It weeds out the folks who aren’t committed enough to go to some effort to attend. If it’s right around the corner with good food and plenty to drink, you will have guests in attendance who really just want free meals and booze. I ended up thinking it was a good thing, though I once didn’t. 

I think 2 hours is just fine - no one has to get a hotel if they don't want to, take days off work, etc for that. 

[Selkie]

14 hours ago, Katy said:

Yes, I hear secondhand that people I've still never met are annoyed DH didn't invite them.  I guess in their town the norm is to have a huge mid afternoon wedding and serve sheet cake and artificial fruit punch and cream cheese mints  and nuts on paper plates with the sort of plastic punch cups that I associate with vacation bible school, not weddings. I would call that tacky.  Most of my family would call that tacky, and my mom is from the Midwest too (my parents met in the military). Half of my extended family is midwestern, and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding like that.  I don't know what is wrong with people, but I know I don't want to live in that town.

I don't know what cream cheese mints are, but I love the idea of an afternoon wedding with snacks and cake. And who cares what the glasses are made of?

[J-rap]

14 hours ago, catz said:

I suspect in a lot of situations, it isn't actually just that one thing.  It's just the straw that broke the camel's back after a slow build up.  Just as someone who left a church as a twenty-something around the time we were thinking of marriage.

That makes sense.  

[skimomma]

22 minutes ago, Selkie said:

I don't know what cream cheese mints are, but I love the idea of an afternoon wedding with snacks and cake. And who cares what the glasses are made of?

Am I the only one who never knew those mints were made with cream cheese!?!?  Mind blown.  And I have eaten more than my fair share in church basements.  

[Danae]

25 minutes ago, Selkie said:

I don't know what cream cheese mints are, but I love the idea of an afternoon wedding with snacks and cake. And who cares what the glasses are made of?

Cream cheese, butter, powdered sugar, and mint extract (or other flavor extract).  Roll into balls, dip in granulated sugar if you want sparkles, press into silicone molds (or just flatten into disks).  They get a slight crust on the outside as they dry, and stay creamy in the middle.  They were a staple of both graduation parties and weddings in the neighborhood where I grew up.

[catz]

I think any wedding a couple chooses that they can comfortably afford is fine.  Mints and punch in the church.  Evening at the ritz with lobster.  Eloping in Asia.  I would happily and joyfully attend any I was invited to and reasonably attend, politely decline anything that wasn't working and keep my mouth shut if something wasn't to my taste.  I even think the drive through cake idea is cute, why not!?  LOL.  I would happily participate.

I think where weddings get ugly is expectations

Couples expecting $$$ from their families, unreasonable demands of wedding parties, pouting when invites are declined, expecting extra expensive things from their guests (gift demands, clothing demands, travel demands, etc), demanding multiple events, theme weddings which require extra work for guests, etc

Families demanding a couple get married a certain way, invite certain people,etc.  I don't think it is unreasonable for a parent who is helping to throw the wedding financially and planning wise to want to be involved, but that should all be done in the spirit of compromise and bringing 2 families together and without additional drama.

Random guests expecting invitations, weddings formatted a certain way, giving opinions when none were asked, showing up in cosplay when there's no theme, etc.  I thought that was the mint post was really about.  A bunch of randos complaining years later that they weren't invited to a wedding that wasn't done a certain way.  I will say I live in the midwest and have never had a cream cheese mint thing, interesting.  And back in the day I did attend my share of punch and cake in a basement weddings.  

At the end of the day, we can control ourselves and our own reactions and choices.  

[Harriet Vane]

31 minutes ago, catz said:

I think any wedding a couple chooses that they can comfortably afford is fine.  Mints and punch in the church.  Evening at the ritz with lobster.  Eloping in Asia.  I would happily and joyfully attend any I was invited to and reasonably attend, politely decline anything that wasn't working and keep my mouth shut if something wasn't to my taste.  I even think the drive through cake idea is cute, why not!?  LOL.  I would happily participate.

I think where weddings get ugly is expectations

Couples expecting $$$ from their families, unreasonable demands of wedding parties, pouting when invites are declined, expecting extra expensive things from their guests (gift demands, clothing demands, travel demands, etc), demanding multiple events, theme weddings which require extra work for guests, etc

Families demanding a couple get married a certain way, invite certain people,etc.  I don't think it is unreasonable for a parent who is helping to throw the wedding financially and planning wise to want to be involved, but that should all be done in the spirit of compromise and bringing 2 families together and without additional drama.

Random guests expecting invitations, weddings formatted a certain way, giving opinions when none were asked, showing up in cosplay when there's no theme, etc.  I thought that was the mint post was really about.  A bunch of randos complaining years later that they weren't invited to a wedding that wasn't done a certain way.  I will say I live in the midwest and have never had a cream cheese mint thing, interesting.  And back in the day I did attend my share of punch and cake in a basement weddings.  

At the end of the day, we can control ourselves and our own reactions and choices.  

QFT

Well said.

[Frances]

3 hours ago, elroisees said:

(I love those mints. Carry on.) 

I made so many of those mints growing up in the Midwest for all sorts of parties and also ate lots of them. Thanks for the memories!

[Jaybee]

Our wedding was an afternoon wedding. My mom made tons of those mints, besides a variety of other tasty eats. There was no meal. Cake, punch, nuts, mints, etc. We had glass plates and glass or silver cups, etc., and had satin tablecloths on the serving tables. But really? I feel a little offended at "tacky." It was typical of where we lived. Weddings were generally short and sweet. My international friends were possibly bewildered, because they were accustomed to much bigger to-do's, I suppose. But most of the people in our town had this type of wedding, and it was not considered tacky. In fact, if we had had a long celebration, people would probably have left because they had other things to do. There were probably those who considered a wedding dinner reception at the country club or somewhere kind of hoity-toity, which is also sad, but this was a simple small town. 

[ktgrok]

2 hours ago, Selkie said:

I don't know what cream cheese mints are, but I love the idea of an afternoon wedding with snacks and cake. And who cares what the glasses are made of?

Seriously - it's not tacky, it's just what it is. I mean, maybe if you were doing lobster and fancy cocktails and served them on the cheapest paper plates that might be tacky - but punch and cake on paper and plastic isn't, to me. Again if it was in a big ball room with chandeliers and everyone in black tie, yeah, weird. But not in a church hall or a backyard. 

2 hours ago, Danae said:

Cream cheese, butter, powdered sugar, and mint extract (or other flavor extract).  Roll into balls, dip in granulated sugar if you want sparkles, press into silicone molds (or just flatten into disks).  They get a slight crust on the outside as they dry, and stay creamy in the middle.  They were a staple of both graduation parties and weddings in the neighborhood where I grew up.

I made these once,, a zillion years ago! I'd forgotten they had cream cheese in them, I just remembered the butter and sugar and mint. 

[Danae]

3 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

 

I made these once,, a zillion years ago! I'd forgotten they had cream cheese in them, I just remembered the butter and sugar and mint. 

Perhaps you made butter mints.  They are similar, but no cream cheese.
 

[ktgrok]

22 minutes ago, Danae said:

Perhaps you made butter mints.  They are similar, but no cream cheese.
 

Oh! I probably did! 

Now I'm wondering why I don't make these all the time - butter plus sugar = nirvana. 

Probably because I'd eat them all and make myself sick as a dog. 

[LuvToRead]

1 hour ago, Jaybee said:

Our wedding was an afternoon wedding. My mom made tons of those mints, besides a variety of other tasty eats. There was no meal. Cake, punch, nuts, mints, etc. We had glass plates and glass or silver cups, etc., and had satin tablecloths on the serving tables. But really? I feel a little offended at "tacky." It was typical of where we lived. Weddings were generally short and sweet. My international friends were possibly bewildered, because they were accustomed to much bigger to-do's, I suppose. But most of the people in our town had this type of wedding, and it was not considered tacky. In fact, if we had had a long celebration, people would probably have left because they had other things to do. There were probably those who considered a wedding dinner reception at the country club or somewhere kind of hoity-toity, which is also sad, but this was a simple small town. 

Our wedding sound similar!  Cake and punch receptions were the norm when we got married.   We even printed on the invitations "dessert reception" so guests knew there would be no actual meal.  If the expectation is a cake and punch reception, I think it's tacky to complain there isn't more.

[Jaybee]

Weddings at 2 or 3 in the afternoon were quite common, much more so than evening weddings. I don't know what the custom there is now--probably lots more people do venue weddings in the evening now. My sister never married, but was engaged at one time, and was planning a morning wedding, with a brunch type reception. 

[Arcadia]

On 4/3/2022 at 10:09 AM, Clarita said:

I'm Chinese so weddings have been elaborate for a long time. According to the museum I went to while in Hong Kong it was always a day where the bride got to pretend to be royalty for a day. My mom was a little disappointed that I only chose to wear one outfit for my wedding day. When she planned my banquet for my extended family in Hong Kong I had 3 dresses and 3 hairdos to go with it. 

However, in Chinese culture wedding presents are CASH. Essentially your guests paid for the wedding party and you should have some leftover to start your life together. 

We had a civil marriage and then a wedding/housewarming reception when our house is ready. So I still ended up having three wedding dresses. I also get the traditional wedding gifts 四点金 (four pieces of gold jewelry, often a necklace, earrings, bracelet and ring) from my in-laws. The groom side pays the bulk of the wedding expenses as is tradition. 

My friend’s wedding in Hong Kong (in-laws) started with mahjong sessions in the morning until time for the wedding dinner.

[Clarita]

1 minute ago, Arcadia said:

The groom side pays the bulk of the wedding expenses as is tradition.

MY family was disappointed because I married "an American," even though my mom really liked my husband. They couldn't complain too much because, we paid for our own wedding. 

3 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

My friend’s wedding in Hong Kong (in-laws) started with mahjong sessions in the morning until time for the wedding dinner.

Our hong Kong wedding was too small for this. I've definitely been to a few relatives wedding which had karaoke and mahjong as the entertainment. The mahjong barely paused for the dinner.