What age did your (opposite gender) kids stop sharing a bedroom?

[Hilltopmom]

My youngest two share a bedroom at 8 & 7 (girl ASD 8, 7 boy). Neither has realized that other people don’t do this. Covid nixed play dates and sleepovers and we don’t do those until jr high anyways. 
we have 4 bedrooms- 2 upstairs and 2 downstairs. Upstairs we have ours and the kids. Downstairs Dd,19 and one for ds,21 who rarely comes home from college & i’m currently using as an office/art/storage.

I’d prefer to keep little kids all upstairs with us as long as possible, not alone downstairs (Dd,19 stays with friends a few nights a week). For fire safety, kids getting sick, etc

We don’t have an option to add onto the upstairs nor to split either bedroom into 2 rooms. So it’s them share or have one of them in our room like when they were babies, and, no, just no.

Their room is long and narrow with a bed and dresser at each end & a small area to play at each end for each kid. So they each have their own space really. We could pit up a divider or ceiling curtain between the 2 ends for awhile when they start being bothered. We have a basement playroom we just finished but it can’t be a bedroom.

When to move a kid downstairs alone?? Wait until they start complaining? When one starts puberty? When one starts junior high? Right now they would both be afraid. 
I had this dilemma with my older kids in our last much smaller house and they shared for a long time until we put our room in the living room and gave one of them our room. That wouldn’t work in the current house.

we stagger bedtimes so they each get time with an adult to read and fall asleep before next one heads to bed.

ideas?

Edited December 23, 2021 by Hilltopmom

[Farrar]

I would wait until a complaint or until puberty (presumably of your dd, since girls experience puberty a bit earlier and she's more likely to be a lot more self aware about it than your asd ds). My kids split at age 3, but it was because they were hyping each other up at bedtime and then they appreciated having separate spaces through the rest of preschool, so I let them. If it had worked, I would have let them continue to share. I know of a few families with mixed genders of kids who are older who still share a room because living space is tight. I don't think it harms anyone. 

[Hilltopmom]

Thanks for your thoughts. I fixed the ages- it’s the girl with ASD and she’s pretty clueless about social norms and she’s for things. 
We tried to find a 5 bedroom house when we moved but settled for 4 with a basement and a huge kitchen and sunroom. Big house just not enough bedroom space or space to covert to bedroom.

[Katy]

I always thought 4 was appropriate. Foster care requires separation by age 6 for different genders, but in your case I’d just put up some sort of divider. Or consider splitting it into two rooms if it’s that large.  It’s much easier to add a wall, door, and closet than add onto a house. 

[saraha]

I would t worry about it til puberty. Maybe by then your older two will be living somewhere different. We have 6 kids in a three bedroom. 4 girls in one room and 2 boys in the other. When oldest ds21 comes home, he shares his old bedroom with ds11. 

[Carrie12345]

Dh and his sister shared a room for quite some time, until their parents were able to swing a move.  Sometimes we’ve just got to do what we’ve got to do.

As far as floor splits, we just emphasized fire drills/plans from a very early age. Our house is main bedroom upstairs (and just the main bedroom) and two bedrooms downstairs. We haven’t had real options. Even on the same floor, kids need to know what to do if an adult can’t get to them.

I don’t see anything wrong with waiting until they (both or just one) express a desire for privacy. My kids have had that desire from pretty young ages, and I just haven’t been able to do it. We were, however, able to split genders. For a bit, we had 20, 11, and 8yo boys sharing. It was what it was.

[purpleowl]

My answer to the thread title is different from my advice to you, lol. My girls were 5 and 2, I believe, when we finally gave up on having them share a room. Younger would not let older sleep. DS never shared with either sister.

In your situation, I would say to go ahead and put in a divider now (one of my girls began having physical changes when she was 8, the other at 9, so I would think puberty is not that far off). That will probably buy you a good bit of time so you'll be able to wait for them to be older before moving one of them downstairs. Assuming the divider is working, I would probably wait until high school or when one of them expresses discomfort with the setup, whichever comes first.

[Insertcreativenamehere]

My boys are 14 and 17 and have always shared a room. They don't particularly like it; one is neat and tidy and the other is not. There's no option, frankly, for them to not share a room at any point. 

[Wheres Toto]

If it's working otherwise, I'd wait until puberty, but you may not have as much time as you think for your daughter.

I have dd 14 and ds 16 and we put them in separate rooms when they were 5 and 7 because that was the year their older sister went to college.  Part of the deal with older dd living on campus (it was technically close enough to commute) was that we couldn't keep her room completely empty for her the majority of the year.   The girls had the largest bedroom in the house so there was a bed, etc there for older dd when she came home on breaks.   Our house is extremely small with three very tiny bedrooms (largest is 9 x 12, one is 9 x 9 1/2 and last is 7 x 9) so she certainly understood.  She still came home a lot the first two years and hardly at all once she had an apartment her last two years.  

I think my two younger kids having their own spaces to escape to has made life easier for all of us.  All of us are pretty strong introverts.   Ds is ASD, SPD and dd has anxiety and adhd.   Ds can't stand loud noises, needs time by himself to not get very moody.   Dd also needs time alone but soothes herself by putting on headphones and skipping back and forth in her room, often running into the walls with a bang.   No way that would work with them sharing a room.  

[maize]

I think you are probably fine until around ages 11/10, longer if you put up a divider so it more like two rooms.

I've had opposite-gender kids sharing rooms older than that, but with larger groups of kids and I think it would seem more awkward if it is just one boy and one girl. My kids don't change in their rooms, they take their clothes into the bathroom to change in privacy.

[Wheres Toto]

My aunt and uncle had a boy and a girl and they split their room by putting a bunkbed in the middle and closing off one side of the top bunk and one side of the bottom bunk (so you could get on/see just one bed from each side) to divide the room.   It was a pretty small room and that worked the space better.  We considered something like that but it became unnecessary.

[Slache]

DS9/DD7 because DD7 needed space.

Honestly, who cares? Change it when it feels right. I agree that puberty feels right to me.

[Moonhawk]

DD12 (13 early January) still shares a room with her brothers DS8 and DS11. This is of her own choice: she could share with DD4 (how we originally set up the rooms) but the 3 olders have always shared a room and after maybe 3 days she was consistently falling asleep in their room (the boys would share a bed, she took the other bed). After about a month we just made it official but periodically remind her she can always choose to sleep in the other room. She says she is fine as she is. They stay up after bedtime talking and reading and just...being kids and she likes the company. 

[YaelAldrich]

My 15yo daughter and 12yo son share a room. This should be the last year as the 17yo should be leaving home for college this year. 

We have our daughter the ability to paint the room as she liked and  buy a bed that allowed her to put up curtains around the bed for privacy.

It's not ideal but we could afford and we don't want a big house anyways.

[Tanaqui]

I know many people who shared a room with their opposite sex siblings right up until they moved out. NYC apartments, what can you do?

So long as it's agreeable to both your kids and you, I don't see why you need to worry about it. Perhaps get a screen for them to change clothes behind and/or curtains around the beds. (That latter may just be my not-so-latent desire for a four poster bed coming out.)

[barnwife]

Ours still do (DD almost 10 and DS almost 5). 

In our house, people sleep where they get the best quality/most sleep. We have 3 kid bedrooms and 5 kids. Sleep somewhere, kiddos. I don't care where. I mean, if entire families can make one room houses work (which I am in no way saying is ideal, just that it happens), our 5 kids can sleep wherever. 

[sassenach]

My 2 youngest moved in together for a few years. DD actually had her own bedroom but she preferred to sleep in DS's bunk. I think they did that until ds was about 10 and dd was 8. It's a transition that I would have initiated around 11 but they worked it out themselves.

[wathe]

 

Forever?  The are lots of ways to provide adequate private while sharing a sleeping space.  Dressing can happen in another room (bathroom, laundry room).

My same-sex kids are still sharing at 12 and 13, by choice.  I don't see that changing anytime soon.  

 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

My DS11 and DD9 share a room.  Either one could share with DS6, but they refuse to.  We are hoping by 13 we can split them up, but they don’t really want to have separate bedrooms yet and we have to build a fourth bedroom either.

When they ask or are uncomfortable we will make it happen.

[Hilltopmom]

Thanks everyone, I feel much better about it now 🙂

[MercyA]

I see no problem with it unless / until they do. Glad you are feeling better about it! 

[Janeway]

My 10 and 7 yr olds still share.

[Lady Florida.]

Ds and dss are too far apart in age so I only had one at home at a time. However, my brother and I shared a room until I was 13 and he was 8. I really wanted my own room but it wasn't an option before that. The only reason I then got my own room was because we moved to Florida where my stepdad to be retired and his house had 3 bedrooms. Before that we lived the projects (aka govt apartment complex) that only had 2 bedrooms. I suppose my mother could have had me share her bedroom but, well, she was dating the man who became my stepdad so...

I think OP that those are good ages to split the kids if you can. Or you can just wait. I don't think they're too old, especially since they're close in age.