Okay, help me out again please.

[Night Elf]

Some of you know my ds's ongoing saga of trying to find a way to become a productive adult. We talked about the replies I got on my last long thread and he decided the PC Repair certificate might not be for him. Now he's looking at a 2-year degree program at the technical school for Networking Specialist. I'm encouraged he's willing to go for a more meaningful degree than just a certificate. It's a big step for him.

However, my question is this. What kind of psychologist do I look for who will do extensive testing on ds to find out what's going on with him? We haven't heard back from his Kaiser psychiatrist about that ASD survey he filled out. I had thought about trying to get him into school in January but I don't think that's going to be possible. He's totally enthusiastic about driving and buying his own car but in GA he needs 40 hours of practice driving and 6 of those need to be at night. Right now we have him driving 3 days a week because he prefers afternoon driving so it's the weekends and my one weekday off. To be honest, it would be best if he had his own car when he went to school because I don't think I can leave work to be his transportation and I don't know if we have Uber in my city. I have to research that. But if I seek testing for him, I'd also like that to be done before he begins school just to make sure he's majoring in something that will truly work for him when it comes time to get a job.

Sorry to harp on my ds so much but you guys/gals give great insight and I truly appreciate it.

BTW, last week he hit a tree with my car and did $2600 worth of damage. My car is old but thankfully it's worth more than that so the insurance company didn't total it. Ds was rattled with the accident but it didn't stop him from wanting to practice more. My car is at the body shop this week and I'm in a rental. *sigh*

[unsinkable]

neuropsychology

A neuropsychological evaluation is needed. These typically take about 6 hours, sometimes more.

It involves filling out self evaluations and gathering information from others in the person's life who can say what the person's issues are (usually teachers and parents). These are usually forms, and brought to the doctor at the beginning of testing.

The testing (the 6 hour portion) includes IQ testing and other tests of cognitive and behavioral functions.

 

[unsinkable]

Here is one quick explanation

https://www.med.unc.edu/neurology/divisions/movement-disorders/npsycheval/

[Jean in Newcastle]

What is the end result that you want ?  

Confirmation of ASD?  Documentation for accommodations in school?  (Neuropsych)

career counseling?  (Can he see an advisor at the community college?)

help navigating ASD in the sense of helping him to regulate emotions and make decisions?  (Someone who does Cognitive Behavior Thrrapy)

[itsheresomewhere]

Neuropsychologist

And you may want to consider hiring a driving school for him.  It will get him the hours he needs without you having to schedule around your work and they will get him out in different scenarios more.

[Lawana]

Just so you know, Since he is over 18 he does not need to meet the requirements for first time licensees under 18, including a log of driving hours. He passes his driving test, supplies needed documents and he has a license. Dd got her license on her 18th birthday. 

[Night Elf]

6 minutes ago, Lawana said:

Just so you know, Since he is over 18 he does not need to meet the requirements for first time licensees under 18, including a log of driving hours. He passes his driving test, supplies needed documents and he has a license. Dd got her license on her 18th birthday. 

Okay, that's not what I read when I looked it up before but when I looked again just now, I don't see it. That's good to know but we'll still continue taking him out. I want him comfortable in the car before I hire the instructor which is what I did for both of my daughters. I only got 6 hours of instruction for them though. Maybe I should consider getting more? Maybe they'd be more patient and not have him on the GA autobahn on his first day of instruction like they did my daughters. Thank you.

[Night Elf]

25 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

What is the end result that you want ?  

Confirmation of ASD?  Documentation for accommodations in school?  (Neuropsych)

career counseling?  (Can he see an advisor at the community college?)

help navigating ASD in the sense of helping him to regulate emotions and make decisions?  (Someone who does Cognitive Behavior Thrrapy)

I don't know how to answer that really. First, I want to confirm he has Aspergers or at least qualify for the current ASD diagnosis for the purpose of him qualifying for disability if needed. He has so many limitations for himself and I don't know what he can and can not really do. I've seen him at work as he volunteers at the thrift store where I work. When given a task to do, he does it well. He doesn't have the initiative to just jump in and get down to business. He needs someone to tell him what to do. However, he's getting better but it's taking him a long time to learn. He says he's not confident with the job. He's worried he'll mess up and believe me, it's no problem if he puts linens in the clothing pile or vice versa by mistake. As the paid employees sort through their piles, we just give stuff to the right department if someone wrong is in our pile. He doesn't love being there. He only volunteers because I think it's good for him.

I needed the term neuropsychologist. I couldn't remember who does that kind of testing.

 

[Night Elf]

50 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

Here is one quick explanation

https://www.med.unc.edu/neurology/divisions/movement-disorders/npsycheval/

Thank you. I'll show this to DH and ds. This is really my idea and they aren't sold on it yet. 

[Night Elf]

I think my DH's Employee Assistance Program will help cover these costs. I know we can get 8 sessions free but we'll probably have to pay for the testing. I have to have ds call though. Because he's an adult, they need him to ask for help.

Thank you! We'll see where this goes.

[Catwoman]

9 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Thank you. I'll show this to DH and ds. This is really my idea and they aren't sold on it yet. 

 

It has sounded in the past as though your dh doesn’t really believe your son has any kind of disability, but rather, that he’s just lazy. Perhaps you could convince your husband that the testing will help validate whether or not your son is actually capable of doing the things your dh believes he should be doing. And your son should welcome the chance to find out if he may qualify for accommodations or even disability based on the test results. 

Basically, I’m thinking you may need to approach your dh and your ds separately about this, and stress different benefits of the testing to each of them.

Can your son start the degree program in January?

[Guest]

29 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

I think my DH's Employee Assistance Program will help cover these costs. I know we can get 8 sessions free but we'll probably have to pay for the testing. I have to have ds call though. Because he's an adult, they need him to ask for help.

Thank you! We'll see where this goes.

Be prepared cause neurospsych costs over $1,000 and could be well more. 

[Night Elf]

52 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

It has sounded in the past as though your dh doesn’t really believe your son has any kind of disability, but rather, that he’s just lazy. Perhaps you could convince your husband that the testing will help validate whether or not your son is actually capable of doing the things your dh believes he should be doing. And your son should welcome the chance to find out if he may qualify for accommodations or even disability based on the test results. 

Basically, I’m thinking you may need to approach your dh and your ds separately about this, and stress different benefits of the testing to each of them.

Can your son start the degree program in January?

I just talked to ds. He agreed to the testing so I just need to talk to DH.

Ds told me he doesn't want to rush learning to drive so he doesn't think he can start school in January. So I told him to seriously consider going back to Kroger to work in whatever job they have available just as a temporary measure until school starts next school year. He has enough money for a used car but he'll need money for insurance, gas and maintenance so the more he can earn before school starts, the less we'll have to pay for him. He can't work and go to school full time and I want him taking more than 2 classes at a time. Technical school should be easier than the university he attended in 2016. 

[Night Elf]

30 minutes ago, Quill said:

Be prepared cause neurospsych costs over $1,000 and could be well more. 

Yes, I know. That's what scares me about getting DH to agree. It's not that he doesn't want to help his son, but he doesn't believe he'll ever qualify for disability so he may think testing is a waste of time and money. I don't want to paint a negative picture of it. He paid for our dd to have extensive testing without any complaint. My guess is he'll agree to the testing, if for no other reason than to get a true diagnosis and how to proceed in the future.

[DawnM]

I still think he should try to find a way to start in January.  Are you talking about waiting until NEXT September?  As in, 11 more months?  A LOT can change in that time, including discouragement from waiting almost a full YEAR more.  I think he should start and see what he thinks about it, maybe even just try a couple of classes as a trial run.

What do you hope to get in terms of accommodations by testing?  My son has Asperger's and didn't need any for the Community College, but did need a single room accommodation when he went away.

We just called around and asked about testing.  We asked:

Do you do testing for Asperger's? 

What all testing is involved?

How long is the testing?

Do you take insurance? 

What codes do you use for the testing so I can call my insurance and ask what they cover?

 

Edited October 4, 2018 by DawnM

[scholastica]

41 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Yes, I know. That's what scares me about getting DH to agree. It's not that he doesn't want to help his son, but he doesn't believe he'll ever qualify for disability so he may think testing is a waste of time and money. I don't want to paint a negative picture of it. He paid for our dd to have extensive testing without any complaint. My guess is he'll agree to the testing, if for no other reason than to get a true diagnosis and how to proceed in the future.

The testing is not just about getting disability. It’s anout you guys understanding your ds and what his capabilities and limitations are. It will give you an idea of what’s possible or not. 

[Catwoman]

56 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

I just talked to ds. He agreed to the testing so I just need to talk to DH.

Ds told me he doesn't want to rush learning to drive so he doesn't think he can start school in January. So I told him to seriously consider going back to Kroger to work in whatever job they have available just as a temporary measure until school starts next school year. He has enough money for a used car but he'll need money for insurance, gas and maintenance so the more he can earn before school starts, the less we'll have to pay for him. He can't work and go to school full time and I want him taking more than 2 classes at a time. Technical school should be easier than the university he attended in 2016. 

 

I’m not sure how to ask this gently, so I’ll just come right out with it — Are you sure your ds isn’t just looking for a reason to put off doing anything for another year, so he’s using the driving as an excuse?

If anything, after having had an accident, waiting longer to learn to drive will only increase his anxiety. I think you should sign him up at a driving school immediately. Giving in to his fears isn’t helping him, and could actually end up resulting in him never getting his driver’s license.

[Catwoman]

24 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I still think he should try to find a way to start in January.  Are you talking about waiting until NEXT September?  As in, 11 more months?  A LOT can change in that time, including discouragement from waiting almost a full YEAR more.  I think he should start and see what he thinks about it, maybe even just try a couple of classes as a trial run.

What do you hope to get in terms of accommodations by testing?  My son has Asperger's and didn't need any for the Community College, but did need a single room accommodation when he went away.

We just called around and asked about testing.  We asked:

Do you do testing for Asperger's? 

What all testing is involved?

How long is the testing?

Do you take insurance? 

What codes do you use for the testing so I can call my insurance and ask what they cover?

 

 

I agree completely. 

Beth, if your son has even the slightest interest in the degree program, strike while the iron is hot, and get him registered for classes that start in January. Otherwise, history tells us that you will be posting at this time next year to tell us your son has lost interest in getting the degree, and he’s still undecided about what he wants to do. 

And definitely get him that evaluation in the meantime, so you will have time to arrange for any necessary accommodations.

[Night Elf]

DH just told me in email he wants ds to start in January too. It just worries me. I don't know if ds is just putting off doing anything. He knows if he isn't in school he'll have to be working. So he'd be doing something regardless. What worries me most is his transportation to and from school. His classes may be staggered and not back to back. They may also be every day. He'll absolutely have to be driving and have his own car. I can't take off work every day to run him around. It's a relatively small campus so I doubt they have lots of sections of one class. He may be stuck with a schedule he doesn't like which is going to be added stress. He's been working on his sleep schedule. Right now he's waking up at 12:00 noon. He may have morning classes so we'll need to get him to wake up earlier and he's digging his feet into this subject. He doesn't want to wake up any earlier. He's just so resistant to change! It takes months to get him moving towards a new idea. I've been told that's common with ASD. 

The deadline to apply for January is October 23rd and I don't know if that's just getting the application in or getting all of the information in. We'll need to have his transcripts from high school and college sent over as well as his SAT score. 

Wish me luck!

[Rosie_0801]

10 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

 He's just so resistant to change! It takes months to get him moving towards a new idea. I've been told that's common with ASD. 

Wish me luck!

 

It's also common not to be that way.

Book him into a driving school for a lesson each day and tell him that's not rushing, that's routine. 10am every morning, you are going for a drive because competence is good for self esteem.

Good luck. ?

 

[Catwoman]

28 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

DH just told me in email he wants ds to start in January too. It just worries me. I don't know if ds is just putting off doing anything. He knows if he isn't in school he'll have to be working. So he'd be doing something regardless. What worries me most is his transportation to and from school. His classes may be staggered and not back to back. They may also be every day. He'll absolutely have to be driving and have his own car. I can't take off work every day to run him around. It's a relatively small campus so I doubt they have lots of sections of one class. He may be stuck with a schedule he doesn't like which is going to be added stress. He's been working on his sleep schedule. Right now he's waking up at 12:00 noon. He may have morning classes so we'll need to get him to wake up earlier and he's digging his feet into this subject. He doesn't want to wake up any earlier. He's just so resistant to change! It takes months to get him moving towards a new idea. I've been told that's common with ASD. 

The deadline to apply for January is October 23rd and I don't know if that's just getting the application in or getting all of the information in. We'll need to have his transcripts from high school and college sent over as well as his SAT score. 

Wish me luck!

 

You say your ds knows that if he isn’t in school, he will have to be working, yet in past threads you have said he can’t get a job and that no job is right for him, and that he absolutely needs a job that is fulfilling for him (but he doesn’t qualify for any job that would meet his requirements,) so perhaps your son doesn’t believe you’re all that serious about him needing to get a job.

It seems like you are looking for excuses for why he shouldn’t start in January, but honestly, if one of the main obstacles here is that your son doesn’t want to get out of bed before noon, that kind of supports your dh’s assertion that your son is lazy, not that he’s incapable of doing things. Obviously, I still support him getting an evaluation to make sure he gets any accommodations he needs, but I doubt “doesn’t like to get up before noon” is a valid excuse whether he has ASD or not.

People get out of bed before noon every day. Your son can do that, too. I can sympathize with a lot of things, but if his main reason for possibly not taking classes is that he doesn’t want to get up before noon, I think it’s time to suggest that he suck it up and deal with it. Life isn’t always going to work on his preferred schedule.

As for the driving, he has three whole months to sign up for driving school, take the lessons, and get his license. That’s plenty of time.

There is also still enough time to get him evaluated.

He expressed an interest in this degree program. I think you should listen to your dh and get the ball rolling so he can start in January, instead of focusing on potential obstacles. Be super positive about it, and treat the negatives as nothing more than little bumps in the road toward a great future for your son.

Edited October 4, 2018 by Catwoman

[WendyLady]

I think it's wonderful that he is interested in a program.  I hope that you are able to convince him to get started with it asap (January!)

I attended a career counseling seminar for at risk teens and I loved the suggestions that she gave to the awesome kids (with many many challenges) that I worked with.  She said, just get started!  She said many kids get stuck trying to figure out their dream job or career, but in the real world, most people start somewhere.  And along the way they learn more about themselves and what they like and what they are good at... which can lead to job changes and more education.  But the most important thing is to get started!  Try it out!  

He is so blessed to have your home as a safety net.  He can do the training and start a job and see how it goes.  If it's not his dream job and he needs to make a change, you will be there for him in the future!!  That is huge!!  You and your husband and wonderful parents and a wonderful support to him, but don't let him wait around until next fall - if his wheels are turning, give him that push to keep him going now!!

[Catwoman]

9 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

 

It's also common not to be that way.

Book him into a driving school for a lesson each day and tell him that's not rushing, that's routine. 10am every morning, you are going for a drive because competence is good for self esteem.

Good luck. ?

 

 

I absolutely agree with you, Rosie. ?

Delays and excuses are not helping this young man move forward with his life. Getting his driver’s license is such an important step toward opening up opportunities for him, so he has the options of driving to school and/or a job, as well as to give him the chance to get out of the house and develop more of a social life, as well.

[Jean in Newcastle]

31 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

DH just told me in email he wants ds to start in January too. It just worries me. I don't know if ds is just putting off doing anything. He knows if he isn't in school he'll have to be working. So he'd be doing something regardless. What worries me most is his transportation to and from school. His classes may be staggered and not back to back. They may also be every day. He'll absolutely have to be driving and have his own car. I can't take off work every day to run him around. It's a relatively small campus so I doubt they have lots of sections of one class. He may be stuck with a schedule he doesn't like which is going to be added stress. He's been working on his sleep schedule. Right now he's waking up at 12:00 noon. He may have morning classes so we'll need to get him to wake up earlier and he's digging his feet into this subject. He doesn't want to wake up any earlier. He's just so resistant to change! It takes months to get him moving towards a new idea. I've been told that's common with ASD. 

The deadline to apply for January is October 23rd and I don't know if that's just getting the application in or getting all of the information in. We'll need to have his transcripts from high school and college sent over as well as his SAT score. 

Wish me luck!

What kind of school?  If it is community college then in our experience they don’t need SATs. And a community college often has evening classes. Ignore this if it isn’t a community college. 

[unsinkable]

48 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

DH just told me in email he wants ds to start in January too. It just worries me. I don't know if ds is just putting off doing anything. He knows if he isn't in school he'll have to be working. So he'd be doing something regardless. What worries me most is his transportation to and from school. His classes may be staggered and not back to back. They may also be every day. He'll absolutely have to be driving and have his own car. I can't take off work every day to run him around. It's a relatively small campus so I doubt they have lots of sections of one class. He may be stuck with a schedule he doesn't like which is going to be added stress. He's been working on his sleep schedule. Right now he's waking up at 12:00 noon. He may have morning classes so we'll need to get him to wake up earlier and he's digging his feet into this subject. He doesn't want to wake up any earlier. He's just so resistant to change! It takes months to get him moving towards a new idea. I've been told that's common with ASD. 

The deadline to apply for January is October 23rd and I don't know if that's just getting the application in or getting all of the information in. We'll need to have his transcripts from high school and college sent over as well as his SAT score. 

Wish me luck!

Beth, it is easier said than done, but don't get ahead of yourself with worrying about the "what ifs." 

 I can imagine a catastrophe happening on the way to the grocery store, so I get it.

But I truly think your best bet is getting the neuropsychological eval done ASAP is your best bet and in his best interest. Not for jobs or school...But for his mental and physical health RIGHT NOW, and for his mental and physical health for the future. 

[Night Elf]

Done! He applied online and we had transcripts sent from his high school and college and his old SAT scores. I called the tech school and they do use old SAT scores. So that's good.

No, I"m not making excuses for him and frankly I'm tired of being accused of that. I'm trying to do what is best for my son and asking him to participate in the decision making. I do not have all the answers which is why I ask questions here, hopefully from people who understand something I do not.

[Catwoman]

28 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Done! He applied online and we had transcripts sent from his high school and college and his old SAT scores. I called the tech school and they do use old SAT scores. So that's good.

No, I"m not making excuses for him and frankly I'm tired of being accused of that. I'm trying to do what is best for my son and asking him to participate in the decision making. I do not have all the answers which is why I ask questions here, hopefully from people who understand something I do not.

 

Yay! I’m so glad to hear this great news!

Do you know how long it will take before you find out if he has been accepted into the program?

[Night Elf]

24 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Yay! I’m so glad to hear this great news!

Do you know how long it will take before you find out if he has been accepted into the program?

The confirmation page said up to 3 weeks. Getting his transcript from his college has an extra step. They needed his signature so we had to print an authorization form for him to sign. It can be faxed or mailed. I'm taking it to the UPS store tomorrow to find out how much it costs to have something faxed. If it's outrageous I'll put a stamp on the envelope and mail it.

We just finished his FAFSA too. I can't think of anything else we need to do.

[Night Elf]

1 hour ago, Thatboyofmine said:

Beth, we have pretty good insurance and got testing done in Georgia.  It cost us the $20 copay and that was it.  It was the extensive all day testing for everything, including IQ.   It was just like Unsinkable described.  Anyway, it was in South Georgia, not near Atlanta or I’d give you the name and number.   I just wanted to tell you this, so you wouldn’t let the possible cost deter you just yet.  It may be very cheap.  

Also, I’ve mentioned my cousin before.  He is autistic, also.   He went for a while to the vocational rehab center in Warm Springs.  He got homesick and didn’t stay for the entire program, but he did go and get some experience in different fields.   He is now living 8.5 hrs from home and working his dream job in Nashville, tn.  

Thank you but we have Kaiser Permanente. They do everything in house or you're on your own. DH's work has an Employee Assistance Program that grants 8 free sessions for behavioral health but I bet they won't pay for testing. Still it would help save us a little money if we didn't have to pay for the actual sessions.

[mumto2]

I vote for signing him up for driving lessons.

Both of mine were over 18 and not initiating driving at all. DH and I just did not want to deal with trying to teach the kids how to drive so signed them up for an intensive program with about an hour of previous experience.  Being licensed in two countries made us really afraid we would teach them incorrectly for passing the test which is what we needed to have happen in one country at least. The driving teacher absolutely loved having them because she considered them completely ready to learn....sort of a clean slate.  She told me repeatedly that she wished everyone would just start with her because all her customers spend the same amount for the driving intensive and she felt she was getting my kids through it easier and was actually able to do an advanced lesson with each in the basic package.  So they actually got a bit more for our money than many who started a bit ahead of them in experience.

Please note, my kids aren't perfect drivers and we are putting our time in the car with them after the license so they get more experience.  But they have licenses and can drive themselves if needed.

I actually had to go through the licensing process in the UK with 30 years of bad habits that took points off the actual UK road test which is intense.  I spent tons of time with a driving instructor to get rid of a couple of huge point losers......crossing my hands with a big turn of the wheels was my hardest one.  Also had to only use my mirrors for lane changes, no head checks ever allowed which still makes me nervous.  Now that I am licensed I can do both, but I needed that license.  The lessons did make me a safer driver.

[Night Elf]

DH agrees testing is paramount but he would like to hear back from ds's psychiatrist first. I don't know how long it will take her to get back to ds. He said the money doesn't matter. We need answers to questions we haven't even thought about yet probably. We need to know how to help ds move forward. Going to school is a great first step. Once he's accepted, I'll have him set up an advising appointment to discuss his transfer classes and set up a schedule. 

As for driving, we're absolutely going to get him lessons. We are trying to decide how many. I only did 6 hours behind the wheel training for both dds. Ds might need more. However, we will respect his desire to drive with us a little longer before he gets with an instructor. I understand some parents don't feel the same way I do but I absolutely refuse to push anyone, child or adult, into being in control of a killer machine if he or she doesn't feel ready to do so. I also understand instructors know how to handle new drivers and that will be good for ds. He's agreed to think about starting lessons next month and take his test in December. If for some reason he doesn't get a license and car by the time school starts, we'll have to sit down as a family and see how we can best help him. My oldest dd has also agreed to take him or pick him up. She can leave work for a little while. She did it a few times when he was in college a couple of years ago.

[unsinkable]

IIRC, you were waiting to hear back from the psychologist in the last thread from mid-September. That's long enough, call her and get an answer.

If she was a medical doctor, would you be on the phone, asking for results? 

I sure would.

[Rosie_0801]

9 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

As for driving, we're absolutely going to get him lessons. We are trying to decide how many. I only did 6 hours behind the wheel training for both dds. Ds might need more. However, we will respect his desire to drive with us a little longer before he gets with an instructor. I understand some parents don't feel the same way I do but I absolutely refuse to push anyone, child or adult, into being in control of a killer machine if he or she doesn't feel ready to do so. I also understand instructors know how to handle new drivers and that will be good for ds. He's agreed to think about starting lessons next month and take his test in December. If for some reason he doesn't get a license and car by the time school starts, we'll have to sit down as a family and see how we can best help him. My oldest dd has also agreed to take him or pick him up. She can leave work for a little while. She did it a few times when he was in college a couple of years ago.

 

To be honest, Beth, if it was me (and I am an Aspie) I'd book a daily lesson and oblige him to attend even if he spends the entire hour sitting in the car in your driveway. I would not force someone to drive when they are not ready, but he is old enough to take some responsibility for co-operating with this kind of scaffolding. Offer some sort of "get out of car free" loophole like if he drives around the block, he won't have to spend the rest of the hour sitting in the car. Otherwise, "a little bit longer" won't end because anxiety won't let it.

[unsinkable]

Oh, and FYI, neuropsychs are super busy in the fall, according to the ones we've used. Basically, kids start school, sh!t hits the fan academically and parents start calling for help. 

You can do research now (call different neuropsychs, find out specialties, check prices, see how far out they are scheduling, etc).

[DawnM]

Beth,

It sounds like you may be moving forward now with school and testing and driving.....YAY!  Really hoping this is exactly what he needs to move forward!

[freesia]

 

This is wonderful news!

it is also great he's moving ahead with getting his license. If that doesn't happen though, is there really no public transportation to the school?  Or you could drop him off and there is probably a lounge or some place he can work between classes.  I was a commuter at various points in my college career and that's what I did. 

[lmrich]

Call the college and see if they offer the testing. My friend contacted the special services department before her kids with special needs enrolled and was given lots of guidance.  She was so impressed with how responsive they were. They hooked her up with testing. Since you are in the Atlanta area, it might be a college you are looking at - Chat Tech. 

If you want more information, I will ask my friend on your behalf. 

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Rosie_0801 said:

 

To be honest, Beth, if it was me (and I am an Aspie) I'd book a daily lesson and oblige him to attend even if he spends the entire hour sitting in the car in your driveway. I would not force someone to drive when they are not ready, but he is old enough to take some responsibility for co-operating with this kind of scaffolding. Offer some sort of "get out of car free" loophole like if he drives around the block, he won't have to spend the rest of the hour sitting in the car. Otherwise, "a little bit longer" won't end because anxiety won't let it.

 

I think this is an excellent suggestion!

[marbel]

3 hours ago, Night Elf said:

DH agrees testing is paramount but he would like to hear back from ds's psychiatrist first. I don't know how long it will take her to get back to ds. He said the money doesn't matter. We need answers to questions we haven't even thought about yet probably. We need to know how to help ds move forward. Going to school is a great first step. Once he's accepted, I'll have him set up an advising appointment to discuss his transfer classes and set up a schedule. 

As for driving, we're absolutely going to get him lessons. We are trying to decide how many. I only did 6 hours behind the wheel training for both dds. Ds might need more. However, we will respect his desire to drive with us a little longer before he gets with an instructor. I understand some parents don't feel the same way I do but I absolutely refuse to push anyone, child or adult, into being in control of a killer machine if he or she doesn't feel ready to do so. I also understand instructors know how to handle new drivers and that will be good for ds. He's agreed to think about starting lessons next month and take his test in December. If for some reason he doesn't get a license and car by the time school starts, we'll have to sit down as a family and see how we can best help him. My oldest dd has also agreed to take him or pick him up. She can leave work for a little while. She did it a few times when he was in college a couple of years ago.

 

I understand this.  I have/had two late drivers. My kid with LDs and anxiety took a long time to be comfortable driving at all, then driving alone.  We did it in little bits at a time, but we kept it up.  My 2nd kid is also dragging her feet but she drives a little every day.

The key to gaining the skill so it's not so dangerous to be in control of the killer machine is time behind the wheel. Both my kids benefited greatly from professional lessons, which are very expensive here and only come in 2-hour time slots. That's a long time to drive if a person doesn't want to. But they did do it.

Only you can know how much to push. We pushed small amounts at a time. We started with one kid by making him drive the mile to drill nights at the fire station where he volunteers. Once he got his license, for a few weeks that was the only place he drove alone. Then he started driving to a friend's house (4 miles each way), then to classes at the CC (8 miles woohoo!)  Now he drives on the turnpike with no problem but it took him a long time.

Don't skimp on practice, even if it's not required by law where you live.  Some kids need lots more practice than others.  Allow him lots of practice to feel comfortable and in control. 

Edited October 5, 2018 by marbel

[Catwoman]

31 minutes ago, marbel said:

 

I understand this.  I have/had two late drivers. My kid with LDs and anxiety took a long time to be comfortable driving at all, then driving alone.  We did it in little bits at a time, but we kept it up.  My 2nd kid is also dragging her feet but she drives a little every day.

The thing with gaining the skill so it's not so dangerous to be in control of the killer machine is time behind the wheel. Both my kids benefited greatly from professional lessons, which are very expensive here and only come in 2-hour time slots. That's a long time to drive if a person doesn't want to. But they did do it.

Only you can know how much to push. We pushed small amounts at a time. We started with one kid by making him drive the mile to drill nights at the fire station where he volunteers. Once he got his license, for a few weeks that the still the only place he drove. Then he started driving to a friend's house (4 miles each way), then to classes at the CC (8 miles woohoo!)  Now he drives on the turnpike with no problem but it took him a long time.

Don't skimp on practice, even if it's not required by law where you live.  Some kids need lots more practice than others.  Allow him lots of practice to feel comfortable and in control. 

 

I agree. And hopefully Beth isn’t referring to their car as a “killer machine” in front of her son because that could make him even more hesitant to drive! ?

 

[Xahm]

3 hours ago, Night Elf said:

The confirmation page said up to 3 weeks. Getting his transcript from his college has an extra step. They needed his signature so we had to print an authorization form for him to sign. It can be faxed or mailed. I'm taking it to the UPS store tomorrow to find out how much it costs to have something faxed. If it's outrageous I'll put a stamp on the envelope and mail it.

We just finished his FAFSA too. I can't think of anything else we need to do.

If you have a scanner, you can use a website like freefax.com to send a fax from your home computer pretty easily, and it's free! It gets tricky with lots of pages, but one or two is easy.

[TechWife]

5 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

 

It's also common not to be that way.

Book him into a driving school for a lesson each day and tell him that's not rushing, that's routine. 10am every morning, you are going for a drive because competence is good for self esteem.

Good luck. ?

 

This is an excellent idea.

[cjzimmer1]

6 hours ago, mumto2 said:

I actually had to go through the licensing process in the UK with 30 years of bad habits that took points off the actual UK road test which is intense.  I spent tons of time with a driving instructor to get rid of a couple of huge point losers......crossing my hands with a big turn of the wheels was my hardest one.  Also had to only use my mirrors for lane changes, no head checks ever allowed which still makes me nervous.  Now that I am licensed I can do both, but I needed that license.  The lessons did make me a safer driver.

I think I'm happy I don't have to drive in the UK.  That sounds so much more intense than getting a license in the US.  DS just got his license last week and his biggest point issue - NOT using head checks and relying solely on the mirrors. 

I didn't realize the standards were that different from one country but it does make more sense now something we saw while waiting for DS's test.  The site has two testers and both of the previous people were clearly from different countries.  They have these "booths" where the tester goes over your performance after the test.  And both of these people were getting quite the earful of all the things they had done wrong during the test.  To the point I was cringing on DS's behalf because the evaluators were so clearly exasperated with the performance of the people they had with them.  I was really worried it would spill over onto DS during his test. Thankfully his went really well.

[cjzimmer1]

6 hours ago, Night Elf said:

As for driving, we're absolutely going to get him lessons. We are trying to decide how many. I only did 6 hours behind the wheel training for both dds. Ds might need more. However, we will respect his desire to drive with us a little longer before he gets with an instructor. I understand some parents don't feel the same way I do but I absolutely refuse to push anyone, child or adult, into being in control of a killer machine if he or she doesn't feel ready to do so. I also understand instructors know how to handle new drivers and that will be good for ds. He's agreed to think about starting lessons next month and take his test in December. If for some reason he doesn't get a license and car by the time school starts, we'll have to sit down as a family and see how we can best help him. My oldest dd has also agreed to take him or pick him up. She can leave work for a little while. She did it a few times when he was in college a couple of years ago.

My eldest absolutely did/does not want to drive but I finally forced it because relying on my to chauffer is taken me away from my other kids too long.  So I required 30 minutes a day.  We spent ALOT of time in empty parking lots.  I'd drive to them and then we switched spots he drive in circles where there was nothing to hit and then we'd switched and I'd drive back home.  DS HATES driving and yet he drives well enough that he passed on the first try.  He's a perfectionist and will probably NEVER be truly comfortable but personally I don't think that's an acceptable excuse not to learn.  It's acceptable to not drive more than absolutely necessary but it's not acceptable to not learn at all.  The other thing that really helped his driving skills - Golf Carts.  Seriously, he drove for a while, scuffed another car, got scared and refused to drive again (and it was well over a year before I got him behind the wheel of a motor vehicle again).  But then ended up volunteering at an event and was put on the golf carts.  Somehow he could manage that.  I suppose the slower speeds, not having to contend with a plethora of other drivers, not having to think about all the "rules of the road" etc took off a lot of pressure.  But it certainly taught the basics of accelerating, braking, turning etc.  When I finally got DS behind the wheel of a car again his driving had drastically improved from the year before even though he had zero practice in an automobile.  So if all else fails see if he will try a golf cart (I'd even consider a 4 wheeler or a rider lawnmower just to get them used to handling a moving vehicle).

[gardenmom5]

I just did a follow-up eval on dudleing this summer.  pysD only.  (the first time it was slp/psyd/vision/auditory/ot/pt/etc.) the school district had done the first set of tests last year - so he only had to do the second set of tests.  (we've done vision/auditory again, on our own since his first)

dd has decided to get a formal eval.  she is doing two evals by unrelated providers - both PsyDs who specialize in this.  having the patient/teacher/parents/etc. fill out forms  (our school district does this part) is but one section for a full-scale eval.  becasue dd is an independent adult - she may have filled one out on herself - but that was it.   there are a battery of tests, and it is generally done over two days so it can be broken up.  dd wanted to just go for it.   (due to her schedule.)

when you get the results can vary - one does much of the testing electronically, so going over raw scores is faster, like a week and a half.   the other one does it on paper - and takes two months to gather a report together.

[gardenmom5]

as for driving - my boys weren't interested.  1ds finally took a driver's test the friday before he started a job on monday when it would have required two hours and walking more than a mile EACH WAY - or a 20 minute drive up the freeway.

an AA in networking can be a very good start. there are networking certs he can add to that, and with experience he can do very well.   will they do a ccna (or whatever they call it now) as part of it?  or afterwards?   

[Ausmumof3]

12 hours ago, Night Elf said:

Done! He applied online and we had transcripts sent from his high school and college and his old SAT scores. I called the tech school and they do use old SAT scores. So that's good.

No, I"m not making excuses for him and frankly I'm tired of being accused of that. I'm trying to do what is best for my son and asking him to participate in the decision making. I do not have all the answers which is why I ask questions here, hopefully from people who understand something I do not.

That is great!  I think if possible you should also start working on a back up plan in case it doesn’t work out.

[Ausmumof3]

10 hours ago, Night Elf said:

DH agrees testing is paramount but he would like to hear back from ds's psychiatrist first. I don't know how long it will take her to get back to ds. He said the money doesn't matter. We need answers to questions we haven't even thought about yet probably. We need to know how to help ds move forward. Going to school is a great first step. Once he's accepted, I'll have him set up an advising appointment to discuss his transfer classes and set up a schedule. 

As for driving, we're absolutely going to get him lessons. We are trying to decide how many. I only did 6 hours behind the wheel training for both dds. Ds might need more. However, we will respect his desire to drive with us a little longer before he gets with an instructor. I understand some parents don't feel the same way I do but I absolutely refuse to push anyone, child or adult, into being in control of a killer machine if he or she doesn't feel ready to do so. I also understand instructors know how to handle new drivers and that will be good for ds. He's agreed to think about starting lessons next month and take his test in December. If for some reason he doesn't get a license and car by the time school starts, we'll have to sit down as a family and see how we can best help him. My oldest dd has also agreed to take him or pick him up. She can leave work for a little while. She did it a few times when he was in college a couple of years ago.

I am not Asd (that I know of! Traits run in our family though!). But I want to share that for me I had major anxiety around driving.  I did have lessons, failed tests due to anxiety and in the end basically gave up.  It took a bit of loving and gentle pushing to get me back into it but getting my drivers license as awful as it was has made life so so much better for me and for our whole family.  I feel that this is one area that it’s really really important you work on and not leave up to him.  Especially giving the Asd resistance to change anyway.  Not being able to drive is so limiting!  I also kind of feel that heading toward a really good driving instructor early in the piece is probably better given that many Aspies have trouble driving.

[Night Elf]

My ds hasn;t given up on driving. Heck, he was on the road minutes after he wrecked my car on the tree in our yard. He was rattled but he wasn't too scared to drive. We've been taking him out 3 days a week but I'm already planning on asking him to drive 30-45 minutes a day. It can be early afternoon on the weekend and on my day off work on Thursday, but the other days it will have to be after 7:00 pm. I know he'll do it. The only thing he resisted at the moment is professional driving instruction. He doesn't want to do it right now. That's fine. DH and I have been doing well planning routes that take him on different types of roads. 

I just made his road test appointment. It's December 27 at 3:00 pm. If he isn't ready I'll reschedule it.

I'm going to call the driving school today to see if I can set up lessons for early December. I'm assuming they'll fill up since it's a month that kids are out of school. One thing I like about them is that they take the student on the actual route the DDS uses for their road test so ds won't be surprised on the day of the test.

Edited October 5, 2018 by Night Elf
changed info