If you think you are being clear when giving instructions to a man

[DawnM]

you may need to reconsider.  ?

This is not a husband bashing thread.....this is a "crud, I guess I need to spell this out better" thread.

I am hosting a get together tonight.  8 teens have said they are coming, not counting mine.  However, a few typically come "if they can get off work" or whatever.  So, probably 12-15 teens.  Add in about 6 adults as some like to hang out.  That means possibly 20 people.  

My husband heard the 8 part and stopped listening.  He got 16 buns.  To his credit, he did get 2 per person of what he thought would be here.  ?

I also asked him to pick up 6 pounds of BBQ, premade.  He got 2 pounds of pulled chicken BBQ, 2 pounds of sweet BBQ, and 2 pounds of tangy BBQ.  Now, ladies, you know where i am going with this......I cannot sit there and reheat various tubs of BBQ.  I was planning on putting it all in a  crockpot on low.  Now that can't happen.

When asked he said, "Oh, I wondered why you needed SIX POUNDS for 8 people. 

Sigh.....back to the store I go.  I think I will freeze 4 pounds and just get 4 more pounds of the kind I planned to serve tonight.

[Carrie12345]

If it makes you feel any better, we've been planning a 2 night trip for weeks.  Dh has asked me what the dates are approximately 923 times.  He still has no idea when we're going.  I'm not entirely certain he's fully aware that we ARE going.

[jewellsmommy]

This happens at my house all the time! I have said, "you just stopped listening after that first sentence, didn't you?" numerous times.

[regentrude]

To be fair, I would not have expected him to infer the right number of buns without discussing it explicitly ("we have x people coming, so please buy Y number of buns"), nor would I expect DH to guess that I don't want three different kinds of bbq - to me, that sounds like a very sensible idea.

[moonflower]

I also think the BBQ variety sounds sensible.  I would have made exactly this mistake with the buns and the BBQ, and DH would have been similarly exasperated - except that he does spell things out very precisely, and I still sometimes forget or miscalculate for something he hasn't thought to be explicit about.

 

I am the one with EF issues, though.  Maybe it is an EF thing, not a husband thing.

[Catwoman]

33 minutes ago, regentrude said:

To be fair, I would not have expected him to infer the right number of buns without discussing it explicitly ("we have x people coming, so please buy Y number of buns"), nor would I expect DH to guess that I don't want three different kinds of bbq - to me, that sounds like a very sensible idea.

 

Yes, but she did tell him that there would be a total of about 20 people and he apparently stopped listening after her first sentence. ?

I don’t think we give people enough credit — why wouldn’t an average adult be able to figure out how many buns to buy for 20 people? And if he didn’t know how many to buy, shouldn’t he have asked her to be more specific? The same goes for the types and amounts of bbq, because I’ll bet they usually buy a particular kind, so Dawn assumed that’s what her dh would buy. I don’t think it was a bad idea to have bought more varieties, but again, a quick text or phone call would have solved the issue and avoided the misunderstanding.

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

The same goes for the types and amounts of bbq, because I’ll bet they usually buy a particular kind, so Dawn assumed that’s what her dh would buy. I don’t think it was a bad idea to have bought more varieties, but again, a quick text or phone call would have solved the issue and avoided the misunderstanding.

Sure. If I felt unsure, I would probably have called. OTOH, that's the whole point in delegating: if I delegate shopping without giving explicit instructions, I have to accept that DH will use his judgment, and it may not be what I would have purchased had I gone myself. But it's not like choosing different bbqs was obviously stupid or ludicrous - it was, in fact, very thoughtful. Just his way of thinking was not the same way the OP would have thought.

[Jean in Newcastle]

41 minutes ago, regentrude said:

To be fair, I would not have expected him to infer the right number of buns without discussing it explicitly ("we have x people coming, so please buy Y number of buns"), nor would I expect DH to guess that I don't want three different kinds of bbq - to me, that sounds like a very sensible idea.

I wouldn't even say we have x people coming.  I would just say "please buy Y number of buns". 

This might be a stupid question but what would happen if you just mixed the different kinds of bbq all in the same crockpot?  Presumably the base bbq sauce is all the same just with some added flavors, right? 

[DawnM]

21 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I wouldn't even say we have x people coming.  I would just say "please buy Y number of buns". 

This might be a stupid question but what would happen if you just mixed the different kinds of bbq all in the same crockpot?  Presumably the base bbq sauce is all the same just with some added flavors, right? 

 

It is a Southern thing.....BBQs are VERY different......one vinegar based, one mustard based, one spicy, one sweet, one sweet but tangy......it is a HUGE DEAL in the South.  I had no idea until I moved here.  I thought BBQ sauce was BBQ sauce.  Nope, not even close.

The BBQs he bought are different meats.....chicken and pork....and then different bases.  The chicken one is sweet and tangy, the one pork is sweet (KS style I think it says) and the other is more mustard based.  So, mixing would be weird I think.

He didn't even buy enough buns for one per person......oh well, I will head back to the store in a bit.

[Tanaqui]

Quote

Presumably the base bbq sauce is all the same just with some added flavors, right? 

Who knows? Maybe one is a tomato based sauce, one is a mustard based sauce, one is a vinegar based sauce, and one is a mayo based sauce. Regional BBQ is weird, and I suppose it's not impossible that they're all sold in the same store and he decided to go with a variety!

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 minute ago, Tanaqui said:

Who knows? Maybe one is a tomato based sauce, one is a mustard based sauce, one is a vinegar based sauce, and one is a mayo based sauce. Regional BBQ is weird, and I suppose it's not impossible that they're all sold in the same store and he decided to go with a variety!

I get it now.  Dawn has lived where I live and knows my bbq knowledge deficiency.  (Like she alluded to, bbq sauce is just bbq sauce here.)

[jewellsmommy]

5 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I get it now.  Dawn has lived where I live and knows my bbq knowledge deficiency.  (Like she alluded to, bbq sauce is just bbq sauce here.)

 

I live in the south-ish (SE VA), and I would mix them all up anyway ?. ...And that is with the knowledge of all the different bbq types. I will turn in my southern card now.

[Tanaqui]

She hadn't posted when I started my reply. I was delayed by googling to confirm that mayo bbq is a thing ?

(And I find it hilarious that apparently he did exactly what I suggested! I wasn't completely serious there.)

[DawnM]

Just now, jewellsmommy said:

 

I live in the south-ish (SE VA), and I would mix them all up anyway ?. ...And that is with the knowledge of all the different bbq types. I will turn in my southern card now.

 

HAHA!  Would you mix chicken and pork together?  I guess I could do a little mix test and taste first.

[regentrude]

1 minute ago, DawnM said:

HAHA!  Would you mix chicken and pork together?  I guess I could do a little mix test and taste first.

Sure - unless you have Muslim or Jewish guests, then I would make sure to keep them separate.

[Catwoman]

7 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

HAHA!  Would you mix chicken and pork together?  I guess I could do a little mix test and taste first.

 

I wouldn’t mix them, because many people seem to like one but not the other, even if the sauce is exactly the same. 

[PeachyDoodle]

?

We invited my parents over for a cookout on the 4th of July. Here's the conversation I had with dh about 15 minutes before they were supposed to arrive:

DH: I put out the ketchup, mustard, and chili.

Me: Thanks. What about the cole slaw?

DH: You didn't tell me to get slaw.

Me: Yes, I did. Besides, slaw is a pretty standard hot dog fixin'. (It is for us. I know it's not that way everywhere. But dh has been eating hot dogs with my family for 25 years.)

DH: I'll call your dad and see if he can get some.

{Calls Dad, who doesn't answer the phone.}

DH: Oh! I think we have a head of cabbage. I can make some slaw.

Me: Great!

{DH starts chopping cabbage. I go to get the rest of the ingredients out.}

Me: Are these all the buns you bought?

DH: Yes.

Me: 8 buns for 6 people? (Pretty much everybody in our house will eat two hot dogs.)

DH: I didn't think this through very well.

Me: I guess not. I'll call my mom. Maybe she can get some on the way.

{I call my mom, arrange for bun pick-up, hang up.}

DH: Um, I guess you should call her back. There's only 8 hot dogs in this package.

 

[Catwoman]

9 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

She hadn't posted when I started my reply. I was delayed by googling to confirm that mayo bbq is a thing ?

(And I find it hilarious that apparently he did exactly what I suggested! I wasn't completely serious there.)

 

I would have had to google, too, because just thinking about the idea of mayo bbq turns my stomach!

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, PeachyDoodle said:

?

We invited my parents over for a cookout on the 4th of July. Here's the conversation I had with dh about 15 minutes before they were supposed to arrive:

DH: I put out the ketchup, mustard, and chili.

Me: Thanks. What about the cole slaw?

DH: You didn't tell me to get slaw.

Me: Yes, I did. Besides, slaw is a pretty standard hot dog fixin'. (It is for us. I know it's not that way everywhere. But dh has been eating hot dogs with my family for 25 years.)

DH: I'll call your dad and see if he can get some.

{Calls Dad, who doesn't answer the phone.}

DH: Oh! I think we have a head of cabbage. I can make some slaw.

Me: Great!

{DH starts chopping cabbage. I go to get the rest of the ingredients out.}

Me: Are these all the buns you bought?

DH: Yes.

Me: 8 buns for 6 people? (Pretty much everybody in our house will eat two hot dogs.)

DH: I didn't think this through very well.

Me: I guess not. I'll call my mom. Maybe she can get some on the way.

{I call my mom, arrange for bun pick-up, hang up.}

DH: Um, I guess you should call her back. There's only 8 hot dogs in this package.

 

 

You have just made me feel 100% better!!!!!!!!!

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

 

I would have had to google, too, because just thinking about the idea of mayo bbq turns my stomach!

 

I have never had mayo based BBQ that I know of!  I actually really like the tangy mustard based kind, but don't tell the locals here, that is heresy apparently.  I am only supposed to like the kind from THIS region.  True to your BBQ and all that.

[PeachyDoodle]

Just now, DawnM said:

 

I have never had mayo based BBQ that I know of!  I actually really like the tangy mustard based kind, but don't tell the locals here, that is heresy apparently.  I am only supposed to like the kind from THIS region.  True to your BBQ and all that.

And IIRC, you're near Raleigh, which probably means EASTERN BBQ. ?

Real NC BBQ is Lexington-style!

[Catwoman]

3 minutes ago, PeachyDoodle said:

And IIRC, you're near Raleigh, which probably means EASTERN BBQ. ?

Real NC BBQ is Lexington-style!

 

BARBECUE SMACKDOWN!!!  ?

[PeachyDoodle]

Just now, Catwoman said:

 

BARBECUE SMACKDOWN!!!  ?

It's SERIOUS business around here! ?

[DawnM]

11 minutes ago, PeachyDoodle said:

And IIRC, you're near Raleigh, which probably means EASTERN BBQ. ?

Real NC BBQ is Lexington-style!

 

And the funniest part?  When I moved here, or maybe I should say, where I moved FROM, BBQ meant grilling meat on the BBQ.....not a specific KIND of meat.  When we got here, the church we were attending for a while announced a BBQ.  I said to DH before we got there, "What are you going to get?  I think I will get chicken if they have it."  HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!  No chicken.....or beef......or anything but PULLED PORK!

[Julie Smith]

Once my husband was going to walk to the nearby store. I gave him a small bag and asked him to get me 3 bananas and 2 tomatoes to eat tonight before we would leave the next day on a trip.  He got home and complained it was all hard to carry because he got 3 large bunches of bananas and 3 baskets of tomatoes. 

[DawnM]

Just now, Julie Smith said:

Once my husband was going to walk to the nearby store. I gave him a small bag and asked him to get me 3 bananas and 2 tomatoes to eat tonight before we would leave the next day on a trip.  He got home and complained it was all hard to carry because he got 3 large bunches of bananas and 3 baskets of tomatoes. 

 

OH MY WORD!!!!!!!

[PeachyDoodle]

1 minute ago, DawnM said:

 

And the funniest part?  When I moved here, or maybe I should say, where I moved FROM, BBQ meant grilling meat on the BBQ.....not a specific KIND of meat.  When we got here, the church we were attending for a while announced a BBQ.  I said to DH before we got there, "What are you going to get?  I think I will get chicken if they have it."  HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!  No chicken.....or beef......or anything but PULLED PORK!

Yeah, we'd call that a COOKOUT. ?

[DawnM]

Just now, PeachyDoodle said:

Yeah, we'd call that a COOKOUT. ?

 

So I have learned......?

[itsheresomewhere]

21 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

And the funniest part?  When I moved here, or maybe I should say, where I moved FROM, BBQ meant grilling meat on the BBQ.....not a specific KIND of meat.  When we got here, the church we were attending for a while announced a BBQ.  I said to DH before we got there, "What are you going to get?  I think I will get chicken if they have it."  HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!  No chicken.....or beef......or anything but PULLED PORK!

 

In a certain small part of PA- BBQ is really what the rest of us call sloppy Joe’s.  Can you tell I learned this the hard way?  What a disappointment especially since I hate sloppy Joe’s. 

[ElizabethB]

My daughter has given up trying to explain what she wants and now goes to the grocery store with my husband if he is going and there is something she wants!!

He is actually pretty good at shopping and cooking for a guy but will come home with some approximation that he thinks is good enough for a few things...

[DawnM]

On 7/6/2018 at 1:54 PM, ElizabethB said:

My daughter has given up trying to explain what she wants and now goes to the grocery store with my husband if he is going and there is something she wants!!

He is actually pretty good at shopping and cooking for a guy but will come home with some approximation that he thinks is good enough for a few things...

 

And you know what?  This little voice told me to just go to the store myself, but DH offered and said he had to run an errand over there anyway.

[Catwoman]

36 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

And the funniest part?  When I moved here, or maybe I should say, where I moved FROM, BBQ meant grilling meat on the BBQ.....not a specific KIND of meat.  When we got here, the church we were attending for a while announced a BBQ.  I said to DH before we got there, "What are you going to get?  I think I will get chicken if they have it."  HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!  No chicken.....or beef......or anything but PULLED PORK!

 

33 minutes ago, PeachyDoodle said:

Yeah, we'd call that a COOKOUT. ?

 

When I was growing up, cookout and bbq were synonymous. You could have a barbecue or a cookout... but neither one involved pulled pork or pulled chicken or pulled anything. If you had a cookout or a barbecue, that meant hamburgers and hotdogs and steaks, and the grilled chicken might or might not have barbecue sauce on it, but nobody ate it in a sandwich. It was basically a way to say you were having a picnic that included food cooked on the grill. ?

[PeachyDoodle]

4 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

 

When I was growing up, cookout and bbq were synonymous. You could have a barbecue or a cookout... but neither one involved pulled pork or pulled chicken or pulled anything. If you had a cookout or a barbecue, that meant hamburgers and hotdogs and steaks, and the grilled chicken might or might not have barbecue sauce on it, but nobody ate it in a sandwich. It was basically a way to say you were having a picnic that included food cooked on the grill. ?

What's funny is that here we don't really talk in terms of having *A* barbecue. Like, as in an event. We say we're having *barbecue*. Which means a specific kind of food, like saying you're having pizza or cereal.

Barbecue here is NEVER a verb. We don't barbecue... we grill out (or cook out).

Edited July 6, 2018 by PeachyDoodle
Edited. Twice. Because I can't spell.

[Loowit]

I have to be very specific with DH when I ask  him to pick stuff up for me.  But he is usually good to call or text if he has a question about things.

[DawnM]

4 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

 

When I was growing up, cookout and bbq were synonymous. You could have a barbecue or a cookout... but neither one involved pulled pork or pulled chicken or pulled anything. If you had a cookout or a barbecue, that meant hamburgers and hotdogs and steaks, and the grilled chicken might or might not have barbecue sauce on it, but nobody ate it in a sandwich. It was basically a way to say you were having a picnic that included food cooked on the grill. ?

 

And that is what a true BBQ is!  High five!

[unsinkable]

There is a thing here called "Barbecued Hamburgers." 

 Basically, you brown hamburgers in a frying pan, then put them in a pan, cover them in BBQ sauce (tomato based) and finish them by baking in the oven.

[moonflower]

6 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

I discovered long ago that I had to spell out distinct quantities of each item, in print, and send it to him.  No verbal lists past three items, no inferences on quantity, no hoping he’ll pick a certain brand.

 

He is great with a very explicit list, but anything else is quite the kerfuffle.

 

I've learned basically the inverse: if I'm getting more than 2 things, I must take a physical list.  If the brand or size or type or color or consistency or sell-by date or manufacturer or country of origin or any aspect of the thing matters, I must have a note on that as well.

If you just tell me to go buy blueberries, I'm going to get a package of fresh ones, maybe from Chile, probably not organic.  I might get 6 packages if I think they're a good deal and I'm hungry.  But if what you actually wanted (DH is very particular about things like blueberries) is the organic wild blueberries, frozen, from USA or Canada, either 3 packages, 7 packages, or 10 packages, recloseable bag preferred - that's all got to be written down at least the first 3 or 4 times I get them.  After that I can just write "blueberries" and I'll remember to get the right ones, though.

[Liz CA]

9 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

I discovered long ago that I had to spell out distinct quantities of each item, in print, and send it to him.  No verbal lists past three items, no inferences on quantity, no hoping he’ll pick a certain brand.

 

He is great with a very explicit list, but anything else is quite the kerfuffle.

 

This. Maybe it depends on the guy a bit as well. My dh is in Mechanical Engineering and is used to deal in precise quantitative units. :)

I email the shopping list and when I add an item later, I email it again with "Updated" in the title. :) :)

[DawnM]

16 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

Yeah, that’s my spouse.  His default setting is whatever is cheapest, though, rather than whatever we got last time.

Liz - it may well be an engineer thing!  As long as I give enough precision on my list he does amazingly well.  He follows instructions to the letter ?

 

My husband is an accountant, definitely cheapest!  Whatever is on sale, etc...

[Annie G]

When we moved to northern Illinois I lamented to a new friend that I missed BBQ (we’d moved here from Atlanta). She was like come to dinner next week and I’ll make bbq for you. I was pretty excited. showed up and found out that around here bbq is what we call sloppy joes.  

[BarbecueMom]

6 hours ago, unsinkable said:

There is a thing here called "Barbecued Hamburgers." 

 Basically, you brown hamburgers in a frying pan, then put them in a pan, cover them in BBQ sauce (tomato based) and finish them by baking in the oven.

And they gotta (IMO) be Holten’s brand frozen patties or something similar.  Fresh burgers don’t get sauced.

Or maybe that’s just how we’ve always done it.

[school17777]

9 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

 

In a certain small part of PA- BBQ is really what the rest of us call sloppy Joe’s.  Can you tell I learned this the hard way?  What a disappointment especially since I hate sloppy Joe’s. 

 

You must live near me!

[DawnM]

All went well.  We went through almost 4 pounds of BBQ so we have 2 left.  We also went through about 20 buns, so I am glad we got the extra.  

They had fun.  

[Soror]

You guys are cracking me up, these stories sooo remind me of dh.

I live in the Midwest, in my corner of the world BBQ can mean pulled pork sandwiches- but if you are invited to a BBQ it is going to be burgers, chickens, steaks, hotdogs, and/or ribs. 

 

[Teaching3bears]

17 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

I discovered long ago that I had to spell out distinct quantities of each item, in print, and send it to him.  No verbal lists past three items, no inferences on quantity, no hoping he’ll pick a certain brand.

 

He is great with a very explicit list, but anything else is quite the kerfuffle.

Exactly what I do.

[alisoncooks]

My DH will shop for me if I text him a list. And then he'll FaceTime me from the store and ask for clarification, again and again (this brand or this brand?).

I guess it's better than him coming home with the wrong stuff...

[DawnM]

2 hours ago, alisoncooks said:

My DH will shop for me if I text him a list. And then he'll FaceTime me from the store and ask for clarification, again and again (this brand or this brand?).

I guess it's better than him coming home with the wrong stuff...

 

Mine often does that too.  I thought he heard me on this one, guess not.  

[Annie G]

I had swept downstairs yesterday and was going to vac up the tiny leftover piles. Dh offered to do that (honestly, I already did the hard part, sweeping the  entire downstairs, but ok) and I told him I was also going to vac behind our dresser mirror as I noticed cobwebs back there. He said he’d do it so I left to clean the bathroom. 

Later I looked and the cobwebs were untouched. I asked dh what he thought I meant and he said mirror but thought I meant there was another pile by the mirror. I showed him what I meant and 24 hours later he hasn’t done it. It’s back on my to do list.  I am so detail oriented and he THINKS he is detail oriented but is so NOT.  That combo is why I do not send him to the grocery store alone. Ever. 

 

[gardenmom5]

you'll enjoy this.

 

 

[gardenmom5]

it must be in writing (or it doesn't register with him.)

and a bottom line it.

I can break it down with

_family _ people

_family _ people

etc.

but there must be a total people.