Please help me as an introvert mama

[MotherGoose]

I have a sweet, wonderful, 11 year old daughter.  (and a precious 8 year old and 21 month olds).  I am an introvert to the extreme.  I used to have severe social anxiety, but that's pretty much taken care of.  But I just cannot take constant interaction from anyone.  I am most content when I am doing my own projects.  Other people can be around, just as long as I don't have to talk to them.  I get up early, I enforce rest time, etc.  My 11 year old is getting to the point where she needs me and wants to talk to me, and truly I think would follow me around for a large part of the day talking to me if I let her (she's more extroverted).  I know I hurt her feelings when I say "mama is done talking now.  you have to go do something else."  We just had a rather emotional (on her part) discussion that is common to tween parents and children about how all her friends do this and that and why does she have to go to bed when sister does and stuff like that.  She has to be in her room at the same time as sister because mama is done.  Mama needs to have silence or at least not the demands of children.  I try to get up around 5:30 because that's the only way I'll have some time alone before kids wake up at 6:30 (if I'm lucky).    I've been known to tell DH he has to go away too.  I spend time with them, I do things with them and take them places.  The idea of sending them to school and having 7 hours every day to myself sounds like heaven (they've always been homeschooled).  But the constant asking of questions and making demands and correcting children and etc drains me.  We won't even get into the toddler antics!! At least he can't talk much.  We have always limited TV/electronics severely (as in not even daily) hence the "but everyone else has a ..." She has always been good at entertaining herself.  She's saying toys aren't as much fun as they used to be.  I know this is all completely normal.  How do I deal with it?  I know I need to put on my big girl panties and deal, and I'm trying.  

[regentrude]

May I ask why you homeschool? You sound like you have an extremely hard time being with your kids, and that of course is exacerbated if they are home all.the.time. Perhaps sending them to school would allow you to recharge so you could be more receptive to spending time with them outside of school?

[regentrude]

Another thought: can you give your children the opportunity to have other people who will talk with them and listen to them? So, if you cannot be the person, does your talkative 11 y/o have anybody else who she feels she can talk to? Friends, grandma, strangers? She may need to be with people who are willing to interact with her for several hours a day. Can her father spend more time with her? 

Edited June 16, 2017 by regentrude

[Guest]

I have a sweet, wonderful, 11 year old daughter.  (and a precious 8 year old and 21 month olds).  I am an introvert to the extreme.  I used to have severe social anxiety, but that's pretty much taken care of.  But I just cannot take constant interaction from anyone.  I am most content when I am doing my own projects.  Other people can be around, just as long as I don't have to talk to them.  I get up early, I enforce rest time, etc.  My 11 year old is getting to the point where she needs me and wants to talk to me, and truly I think would follow me around for a large part of the day talking to me if I let her (she's more extroverted).  I know I hurt her feelings when I say "mama is done talking now.  you have to go do something else."  We just had a rather emotional (on her part) discussion that is common to tween parents and children about how all her friends do this and that and why does she have to go to bed when sister does and stuff like that.  She has to be in her room at the same time as sister because mama is done.  Mama needs to have silence or at least not the demands of children.  I try to get up around 5:30 because that's the only way I'll have some time alone before kids wake up at 6:30 (if I'm lucky).    I've been known to tell DH he has to go away too.  I spend time with them, I do things with them and take them places.  The idea of sending them to school and having 7 hours every day to myself sounds like heaven (they've always been homeschooled).  But the constant asking of questions and making demands and correcting children and etc drains me.  We won't even get into the toddler antics!! At least he can't talk much.  We have always limited TV/electronics severely (as in not even daily) hence the "but everyone else has a ..." She has always been good at entertaining herself.  She's saying toys aren't as much fun as they used to be.  I know this is all completely normal.  How do I deal with it?  I know I need to put on my big girl panties and deal, and I'm trying.  

 

What sort of things do y'all do OUT of the house? That would be my suggestion. I am introverted too as far as having people talking at me/touching me/asking me to do things for them all. day. long. But my kids need interaction. So I've added activities to our week to help them along with that and there they have friends and teachers/instructors and I'm no longer the be all end all. It helps. A lot. 

 

Besides that, a great husband who takes them off your hands when he gets home is always a bonus. And time for exercise for just you. At least those are the things that have helped me. 

[MotherGoose]

May I ask why you homeschool? You sound like you have an extremely hard time being with your kids, and that of course is exacerbated if they are home all.the.time. Perhaps sending them to school would allow you to recharge so you could be more receptive to spending time with them outside of school?

 

 

Another thought: can you give your children the opportunity to have other people who will talk with them and listen to them? So, if you cannot be the person, does your talkative 11 y/o have anybody else who she feels she can talk to? Friends, grandma, strangers? She may need to be with people who are willing to interact with her for several hours

Thank  you.  I do like spending time with the children, I just need a lot of time alone I guess.  I homeschool because I knew that I would only see her, if I sent her to school, when she was tired and grouchy.  And she started reading just before she turned 4.  And I wanted her to have lots of unstructured playtime.  Homeschooling has been a success for us, and I do enjoy it, most of the time.  I've had a hard year, for several reasons, and if I keep having people tell me "Oh wow I don't know how you homeschool at all, much less with the toddler!" I'm going to scream.  I know my post sounds like I'm wanting to shut myself away and keep away from the kids totally, that's not it.  I do enjoy them.  I love seeing them learn, love knowing what's going on with them, etc.  I take them places, arrange playdates, etc.  I think we are a pretty ordinary family.   

[MotherGoose]

What sort of things do y'all do OUT of the house? That would be my suggestion. I am introverted too as far as having people talking at me/touching me/asking me to do things for them all. day. long. But my kids need interaction. So I've added activities to our week to help them along with that and there they have friends and teachers/instructors and I'm no longer the be all end all. It helps. A lot. 

 

Besides that, a great husband who takes them off your hands when he gets home is always a bonus. And time for exercise for just you. At least those are the things that have helped me. 

 

We do several activities outside the house, and those things do help.  We've had to cut back some because of toddler and school taking longer, but we are out doing things.  Definitely not reclusive because that doesn't make me happy either.

[Catwoman]

Can you do some quiet things with your dd, like watch a movie together? She would still get time with you, yet you wouldn't feel like you had to constantly chit-chat.

[Pen]

Could you have a child sitter come, not so you can go out, but just so you can be alone without child demands when you need to be?

 

Could your 11 yo (and maybe 8yo also) go to brick and mortar school (perhaps part time) to get more of the social interactions she needs, and so you can get more of the downtime you need??  Or something else like a YMCA where they could have more interaction and you could have some more down time.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Pen

[Pen]

And maybe the 8yo's bedtime could be reading or other quiet time for the 11yo, not necessarily go to bed time for her.

[MotherGoose]

Could you have a child sitter come, not so you can go out, but just so you can be alone without child demands when you need to be?

 

Could your 11 yo (and maybe 8yo also) go to brick and mortar school to get more of the social interactions she needs, and so you can get more of the downtime you need??

 

I am working on the child sitter.  I really don't want to send them to B and M school--11 year old would be entering middle school and I don't want to put her in middle school for her first experience.  

 Can you do some quiet things with your dd, like watch a movie together? She would still get time with you, yet you wouldn't feel like you had to constantly chit-chat.

I don't like watching movies much at all.  Especially at home I really have a hard time sitting and watching a movie without doing something else.  Her father watches movies with her.  

[linders]

If your daughter is at all extroverted, she may need more interaction (whether within the family or out of the house) than you can provide right now. As a rising middle schooler, she would likely benefit from discussions (literature and history) and projects (science) that require interaction. At 11, she is growing out of the "play alone with toys" stage, and I rather agree with her that her quiet time/bedtime should not be the same as that for her younger sibling. If you strongly wish to continue homeschooling, is there an all-day co-op or such that she could attend? Otherwise, I would consider brick-and-mortar school.

 

Please don't be offended - these were the very reasons my youngest went to school in 6th grade. His older brother was heading off to high school, younger DS is an extreme extrovert, I am a bit of an introvert, and the thought of Just The Two Of Us for 8 hours a day was alarming to both of us. He has blossomed at school where there is always someone to lend an ear :)

Edited June 16, 2017 by linders

[Catwoman]

What time do your dds have to go to bed at night?

[Tanaqui]

Thank you. I do like spending time with the children, I just need a lot of time alone I guess. I homeschool because I knew that I would only see her, if I sent her to school, when she was tired and grouchy.

 

If she needs much more interaction than you do, and you can't find a way for her to get it, you may reach a point where homeschooling means you're only seeing her when she's grouchy.

 

Though I agree that middle school is possibly the worst time to start school. More outside classes - extracurricular or not - might help a lot.

[Pen]

If your daughter is at all extroverted, she may need more interaction (whether within the family or out of the house) than you can provide right now. As a rising middle schooler, she would likely benefit from discussions (literature and history) and projects (science) that require interaction. At 11, she is growing out of the "play alone with toys" stage, and I rather agree with her that her quiet time/bedtime should not be the same as that for her younger sibling. If you strongly wish to continue homeschooling, is there an all-day co-op or such that she could attend? Otherwise, I would consider brick-and-mortar school.

 

Please don't be offended - these were the vary reasons my youngest went to school in 6th grade. His older brother was heading off to high school, younger DS is an extreme extrovert, I am a bit of an introvert, and the thought of Just The Two Of Us for 8 hours a day was alarming to both of us. He has blossomed at school where there is always someone to lend an ear :)

 

 

My ds also started into b and m school this year in 8th grade, for largely social reasons. Last year I tried home school co-op, part time, but regular school has been, for him, the better option.

[Farrar]

If at all possible, I think you just have to find more opportunities to get the 11 yo out of the house. I'm sympathetic to not wanting to send a child to middle school (I certainly wouldn't do it either). Maybe you can swap something for someone to ferry her to and fro since you have other kids. But she clearly needs more interaction.

 

In everyone's interest, I would try to be really honest with her - you're an introvert, you understand that she's much more extroverted than you. And then I'd be honest about the ways you're trying to compromise - making time for her and trying to find her opportunities to be out of the house with others more. And then appreciate her whenever she gives you that time. "Thank you so much for understanding my needs. I love that you do that for me. Now that the younger kids are in bed, let's do a special bedtime tea together." Or whatever. I'm just trying to think about the relationship - this is a tough time for kids growing up, I'd try to funnel any impetus you have to be irritable into heaping her with praise when she respects your needs.

[Pen]

Thank  you.  I do like spending time with the children, I just need a lot of time alone I guess.  I homeschool because I knew that I would only see her, if I sent her to school, when she was tired and grouchy.  And she started reading just before she turned 4.  And I wanted her to have lots of unstructured playtime.  Homeschooling has been a success for us, and I do enjoy it, most of the time.  I've had a hard year, for several reasons, and if I keep having people tell me "Oh wow I don't know how you homeschool at all, much less with the toddler!" I'm going to scream.  I know my post sounds like I'm wanting to shut myself away and keep away from the kids totally, that's not it.  I do enjoy them.  I love seeing them learn, love knowing what's going on with them, etc.  I take them places, arrange playdates, etc.  I think we are a pretty ordinary family.   

 

 

At 11 she may come home tired and grouchy in which case maybe everyone could have snacks and then a nap at that time.

 

She also may come home happy and ready to babble about her day.

 

But as it stands, it sounds like she is seeing you a lot when you are tired and grouchy.  

 

Maybe if one way or another you could get down time during the day you'd be more rested and ungrouchy for her in the evenings.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm a major introvert.  Oddly, my kids are among the few people that don't wear on me. 

 

I don't have any advice other than to say as they get older they seem to want to talk to you less and spend more time doing their own thing.  So it should get easier.

 

My slightly more extroverted kid is kept busy with lots of activities.  As many as I can afford and stand to cart him to.  That helps the both of us.

 

 

[Guest]

Limiting electronics could be revisited. My olders were 100% screen-free except for visitation with their father. My little doesn't do "normal" stuff online but we do have online friends who talk to him on instant messenger and play games with him and teach him cool stuff.

 

I can be in the same room with him and answer his questions and be pleasant to him when his "babysitters" have my back.

 

It's not a TV, it's real people, mostly college students who want to brush up on their English and are grateful for a native speaker with lots of time to blibber blabber blibber blabber.

 

They're carefull vetted, of course, and I look over his shoulder and we share an account so the cyberbabysitters never know for sure whether the mom or the kid is going to be reading what they say.

 

It's something I said I'd never do that I do and it turned out to be a really positive thing.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Guest

[MotherGoose]

Thanks for the suggestions!  Please keep them coming.  We do an all day drop off coop during the year, as well as homeschool swim.  So we are out quite a bit.  She wants the relationship with ME, which is really amazing and wonderful, and I want to preserve this.  Truly.   But it also overwhelms me a bit.  I know, I'm the mama.  That's what's supposed to happen.  Even from infancy she preferred Dad when he was around.  So the switch is strange.  Although normal and I should be glad of it.  I appreciate your sympathy and understanding too.  As for bedtime, she's usually in her room by 8-8:30, or earlier if we have a rough day.  She WILL NOT sleep in (I realize that this may change in the coming years) but is up every morning between 6-6:30.  I don't police when she actually falls asleep, only time in her room.  If I let her stay up till 9:00 or 9:30 not in her room or whatever I get NO downtime hardly at all.  I do think it's important for DH and I to have some time alone with no kids.  So what do your kids DO at this age if they aren't allowed much TV/screen time?  

[Guest]

 

May I ask why you homeschool? You sound like you have an extremely hard time being with your kids, and that of course is exacerbated if they are home all.the.time. Perhaps sending them to school would allow you to recharge so you could be more receptive to spending time with them outside of school?

 

 

Regentrude, were you the one who helped me out when I assumed that an accidental homeschooler was a philosophical homeschooler and put my foot in my mouth big time about her kid switching to ps?

 

Somebody did, anyway.

 

IF you are a philosophical homeschooler, OP, you might look into T4L. I've never used it and I hate the idea for education, but it might work for you for fulfilling your local legal requirements and getting you some down time and the freedom to focus on what you DO enjoy with your kids.

 

If you are an accidental homeschooler, just ignore me because Regentrude's advice is probably going to resonate better with you.

 

I guess....I don't mean to put thoughts into your head because I am me and you are you and I'm just trying to help.

[Pen]

My ds was often outside till dark playing with a friend if possible or his dog if not during the evening at that age.

[solascriptura]

I couldn't fulfill my extroverted daughter's extreme social needs and had to put her in school. I believe that homeschooling her was beginning to damage our relationship. Her constant tantrums over schoolwork and social needs and my dealing with her tantrums was not a positive dynamic in our home for any of us.

[Tanaqui]

Thanks for the suggestions! Please keep them coming. We do an all day drop off coop during the year, as well as homeschool swim. So we are out quite a bit. She wants the relationship with ME, which is really amazing and wonderful, and I want to preserve this. Truly. But it also overwhelms me a bit.

 

Well, I was going to suggest maybe a summer day camp for both your older kids, but if the issue is that she wants more time with you right now, maybe that isn't the solution.

 

So what do your kids DO at this age if they aren't allowed much TV/screen time?

 

Read. Cook. Bake. Bicker. Do art projects. Do science projects. Walk the dogs. Quarrel. Invite friends to sleep over (why?????) Squabble. Go outside and run around. Go to the park. Have huge, knock-down fights over ridiculous things. Write. Sleep over with their friends. Embark on dog training programs (thus far, the dogs have learned that the word "sit" means there are treats for the asking). Get lice from all those sleepovers. Play board games. Make complicated storylines up and then force their friends to act them out. Agree to clean up over the aforementioned cooking, baking, and projects, then utterly fail to do so. Make dirty jokes. Plan our much hoped-for trip to the wilderness, where they just may see the Milky Way. Go to the pool. Suddenly decide to go on a road trip with their best friend, failing to inform us. Go to the movies. Antagonize each other. Go around the neighborhood hoping neighbors will pay them to do odd jobs. Pick mulberries, sorrel, mint, onions - anything edible that isn't in yards. Ask neighbors if they can go into their yards to pick apples, cherries, persimmons, figs, peaches. Garden. Head into Manhattan to go to a playground, museum, or candy store.

 

You know, the usual.

[MotherGoose]

Well, I was going to suggest maybe a summer day camp for both your older kids, but if the issue is that she wants more time with you right now, maybe that isn't the solution.

 

 

Read. Cook. Bake. Bicker. Do art projects. Do science projects. Walk the dogs. Quarrel. Invite friends to sleep over (why?????) Squabble. Go outside and run around. Go to the park. Have huge, knock-down fights over ridiculous things. Write. Sleep over with their friends. Embark on dog training programs (thus far, the dogs have learned that the word "sit" means there are treats for the asking). Get lice from all those sleepovers. Play board games. Make complicated storylines up and then force their friends to act them out. Agree to clean up over the aforementioned cooking, baking, and projects, then utterly fail to do so. Make dirty jokes. Plan our much hoped-for trip to the wilderness, where they just may see the Milky Way. Go to the pool. Suddenly decide to go on a road trip with their best friend, failing to inform us. Go to the movies. Antagonize each other. Go around the neighborhood hoping neighbors will pay them to do odd jobs. Pick mulberries, sorrel, mint, onions - anything edible that isn't in yards. Ask neighbors if they can go into their yards to pick apples, cherries, persimmons, figs, peaches. Garden. Head into Manhattan to go to a playground, museum, or candy store.

 

You know, the usual.

That sounds like lots of fun! Of course we live in the country with no close neighbors so that limits us a bit.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

What about a university model school, that meets three days per week? Is there one in your area?

 

I'm sorry you're overwhelmed but I am also kind of sorry for an 11yo girl who can't talk to her mom much but is Hs'ed, and who has to go to bed early because mom is overwhelmed. Bedtime at 8:00, and even earlier sometimes if YOU have had a full day, might be too early. She might not be tired at all yet, so that's just another lonely time of day for her.

[MotherGoose]

What about a university model school, that meets three days per week? Is there one in your area?

 

I'm sorry you're overwhelmed but I am also kind of sorry for an 11yo girl who can't talk to her mom much but is Hs'ed, and who has to go to bed early because mom is overwhelmed. Bedtime at 8:00, and even earlier sometimes if YOU have had a full day, might be too early. She might not be tired at all yet, so that's just another lonely time of day for her.

Please let me clarify: I do talk to her. I definitely try. Before I posted this I spent 45 minutes talking. We interact very frequently. It just stresses me and I don't do as much of it as she wants.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Please let me clarify: I do talk to her. I definitely try. Before I posted this I spent 45 minutes talking. We interact very frequently. It just stresses me and I don't do as much of it as she wants.

It seems she needs more interaction, though, so if you won't let her go to school, could you move? So she could be in a location where she could make friends in the community, instead of being isolated in the country?

[MotherGoose]

We are moving here soon, to some land that's closer to town. 3 min!! We will still be on acerage though so playing with neighbor friends won't happen.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited July 11, 2017 by tentwelve

[rebcoola]

I know your not a big screen fan but are their grandmothers, aunties, cousins or some one she could Skype? Or maybe time for some live online classes.  

 Also could a mother-daughter journal help her feel connected to you without quite so much talking.

[Wheres Toto]

Are there certain kinds of interaction that are harder for you and others that are easier?  For me, playing board games with the kids is easier than listening to them babble.  Deeper conversations on specific topics are easier than babble.  Mine babble a lot about Pokemon and Minecraft and my son LOVES puns.   I find paying attention to that stuff difficult, but I force myself to show interest at least for a little while since it's important to them.  Maybe you can limit the interactions that are harder, but do more of the easier ones?

 

My kids also do extracurricular activities every day.  These also serve as physical activity for them, and downtime to read or color or write for me.

 

I DO allow my kids to use screens.  Usually it is self-limiting due to school and extracurriculars.  I'm limiting it now because we're doing less school and I don't want them on screens all day, but their screen time is some of my best downtime.  They are in their rooms playing on the Wii or watching youtube, while I'm in the living room reading or on my computer.  

 

My kids go to their rooms at 7pm but are allowed to go in and out, in each others rooms, watch videos, play Wii, etc.  "Bed" time is 9:30pm but they are allowed to stay up reading later than that.   This gives dh and I the chance to watch tv or talk in the evenings while they are doing their own things, but keeps them up a little later which means they sleep in a little later.

[Insertcreativenamehere]

 

 

If you strongly wish to continue homeschooling, is there an all-day co-op or such that she could attend? 

This is what I did. My 7 yo daughter sounds much like your daughter -- she's very extroverted and I'm more on the introverted side. She needed more social interaction and I needed a break. :) We found a drop-off co-op that is 4.5 hours/one day a week and it's been a great fit for our family. (She also plays sports, is involved in church activities and attends a weekly homeschool gym class.)

[Critterfixer]

You have my sympathies, OP. I love my family, and I love to talk to them and listen to them, and there are times when I really just have to have quiet. And all of us are introverts! 

What I've noticed most (and I watch the other introverts closely) as that all of us need to recharge during our alone time. It's not enough to be alone. I could spend a morning alone doing dishes, cleaning house and planning school and I would be as exhausted at the end of the day as if I'd been chattered at for hours. Thirty minutes writing, or drawing, or painting, or just sitting in bed and thinking are what I need to recharge. 

So what are you doing in your downtime that will help you recover for the work of listening and talking? Because it's hard work. You want to be able to give your attention fully, and to do that, you need to be well-rested, and to know that you will get your time to recharge at the end of that time.

[JudoMom]

I get it. Two things that saved my sanity:

 

1. Waking up at 5. The boys weren't allowed out of their rooms until 7:30 (this usually wasn't an issue because I have late sleepers).

 

2. One hour of quiet time after lunch.

 

You don't need to put her in school. Just set some routines that allow you to know a quiet time is coming.

[Clear Creek]

I get what you are saying. I am an introvert with a super-duper-intense child. I will surely get tomatoes thrown at me for saying this, but when I am worn down by interaction and this child is at my elbow talking a mile a minute while I am cooking supper, it feels like an attack. Despite the fact that I love this child to bits, my instinct is to hide somewhere. So I understand what you are feeling.

 

Things that help:

- Get the child on skype or Google Hangouts or whatever method of video chatting works for you and let her talk to (approved) friends or family members for as long as she wishes. Every day.

- Intentionally do an activity together every day so you two can have a conversation while focusing on something else...play a game, work on building a dollhouse or model airplane, go for a walk, go to the grocery store.

- Get her a hobby that she can spend several hours on every day. Art, music, baking/cooking, dance, fossil collecting...something. She actually sounds kind of bored.

[Guest]

One little mention for the OP: if she is an extrovert, she may not come home from school (or being somewhere else all day) tired and grouchy. That is largely an introvert's response to being out all day. She will more likely come home with a firehose of babble. But at least she will not have been babbling at you all day. ðŸ˜

[AnniePoo]

My situation was the same. I put her in school the year all the kids come together from different elemrnaries (5th) and it's been great.

 

At some point the stress of having to be EVERYTHING to my daughter was making me miserable. I had to be teacher, mom, chauffeur, etc., all the while trying to be available for her to talk to (she's a talkative little thing) and take care of her siblings. I'm only one person and it's totally unnatural for a human to have to be so much to one person. This was after getting involved in tons of extra curricular and burning myself out further. School may not be the answer for you, but we tried it and have both been very happy with it.

[Ottakee]

My situation was the same. I put her in school the year all the kids come together from different elementaries (5th) and it's been great.

 

 

I was just going to come post the same thing. Sending them to school the year all of the kids are new to the building and most are new to each other can be the easiest time to make that transition .

 

I know middle school can be rough but mine have enjoyed and thrived starting at that level.

 

If you do decide to send her, it doesn't have to be forever and if it doesn't work out you can bring her home again. Has she mentioned wanting to go to school?

[lmrich]

That sounds tough. 

I would look into changing her bedtime, to be honest, 8:00 is super early. Think of something your husband could do with her at that time. Could they do wood work? Play a sport? Play a board game or a card game? I totally get that you are done talking and need alone time. Get dh involved in the evening time so you can go take a bath; then you can have time with dh before bed. 

 

It sounds like she needs a hobby. Can she learn how to paint, sew, knit, cook, etc.. something she can do on her own that will fill her time. It is such a hard age - beteween childhood and teen. I am sure her toys are not interestng now because she has outgrown that phase. Between the ages of 11 - 13 my daughters did a lot of crafting, swimming or diving, dancing, and just hanging out with friends. We do allow media but then it was 1 hour a day. You might want to consider allowing you dd computer time to learn how to type. There are lots of review games she might like as well. 

[MaeFlowers]

I get it. Two things that saved my sanity:

 

1. Waking up at 5. The boys weren't allowed out of their rooms until 7:30 (this usually wasn't an issue because I have late sleepers).

 

2. One hour of quiet time after lunch.

 

You don't need to put her in school. Just set some routines that allow you to know a quiet time is coming.

I dont know how to bold on my phone but I second the quiet hour. For us, it is from 2-3. I dont quite know how to describe it, but just knowing its there helps me stay calm.

[Jaybee]

This may not be encouraging, but as a pp said, the talking need increases. And the time they were most wanting to talk was at night, usually after I had gone to my room (dh usually stays in the family room watching TV or reading for awhile). (Past tense because my two still at home are not that kind of talkers.) But I still remember how much it meant to me when I needed to talk to my mom, that she would put down her book and listen, because she somehow realized that was the time I was most receptive to her input. So...how does an introvert plan for that? As another pp said, I always had a couple of quiet hours after lunch to myself, which helped enormously. On our chore chart, one child is listed to "help mom with dinner," and that also can be a good time for visiting. Then there are also the other ideas listed above.

[linders]

One little mention for the OP: if she is an extrovert, she may not come home from school (or being somewhere else all day) tired and grouchy. That is largely an introvert's response to being out all day. She will more likely come home with a firehose of babble. But at least she will not have been babbling at you all day. ðŸ˜

 

I'm glad the pp mentioned this. DS16 - an introvert - does come home tired and grouchy. But DS14 - the extrovert, whom I knew needed school - is bubbling over with every detail of every class and every interaction. I have an amazing knowledge of the likes/dislikes/triumphs/quarrels of his classmates :) He is "friends with everyone." Plus he shares almost every detail of everything he learned - our discussions from that almost feel like homeschooling. He only gets grumpy when he has gone a few days (like this summer) without significant people time.

[Guest]

 

I couldn't fulfill my extroverted daughter's extreme social needs and had to put her in school. I believe that homeschooling her was beginning to damage our relationship. Her constant tantrums over schoolwork and social needs and my dealing with her tantrums was not a positive dynamic in our home for any of us.

 

 

I had a different and weird and rather embarassing experience with my extrovert. He did do okay in ps and did graduate and he's my Soldier Boy in my sig who just loves mama to pieces.

 

He's also his younger brother's "homeschooling insurance".

 

I don't have to worry about ds9 ever having to go to public middle school. If I get hit by a truck tomorrow, ds25 gets custody and ds9 gets homeschooled. Maybe with t4l and a bumbling 25 year old trying to be an instant single father, but he gets homeschooled.

 

That's what I mean about "philosophical homeschooler" and "accidental homeschooler". It OP was just homeschooling because it was the bs educational choice for her kid and she didn't really like it, Regentrude's advice is right on and mine is either irrelevant or making her feel worse about putting on her own oxygen mask and saying "Nope. Not gonna do it. It would make a better short story than it would a life."

 

It goes both ways, though. Or vice versa if she's a philosophical homeschooler.

 

On big forums like this, I just think "You say tomato, I say tomahto" and don't open threads that aren't addressed to me.

 

Except when I'm in a bad mood or make a mistake. ;)

 

/ threadjack

 

/ metacommunication

 

And now back to your regularly scheduled help for introvert.

 

My screen-free kids listened to audio books in their rooms if they couldn't read fluently yet, read tons of comics and series fiction, played with action figures and stuffed animals until they were too old and then I assume they did the same thing I did with my sister, which was accept the answer, "No. I'm too old for that now." as gracefully as possible, go to my room and cry and think my life was ruined and Sis was a great big doo doo head, cry some more, and then come up with another idea.

 

run run run down the stairs "Don't run, Little IEF, it makes the dogs bark, slow down, what's your hurry?"

 

"Canihavesomepaperandtwopencils?!?!?!? Please, please, please, Mom?"

 

"What did you say about and olive with stencils Little IEF? Why aren't you playing in your room with Sis? Did you cut your finger? No blood, no excuses. You know the rules."

 

"I'm sorry, Mom. I just needed to ask if I can have some paper and two pencils."

 

"MAY, Little IEF."

 

"I just needed to ask if I may have some paper and two pencils."

 

"Yes, Little IEF, you may have some paper and two pencils. Now WALK up the stairs. Running makes the dogs bark."

 

Blamm Blamm Blamm Blamm

 

"What's wrong, Little IEF? Don't knock so loud! I told you I was tooold to play with you. Why aren't you in your room? Quiet time isn't up yet."

 

"I got a great idea!!! Why don't we be famous writers when we grow up?"

 

Everybody said Sis was smart, but she totally fell for it. By the end of quiet time, we had picked right back up where we left off in our game about the Mutta Mutt kennels in Dinland only we didn't have to pick up the plastic poodles before we could come downstairs any more because we didn't need them.

 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, once they're literate, you're good.

 

Or not.

 

Footnote: Maybe not famous, but Sis did become a writer when she grew up.

Edited June 17, 2017 by Guest

[marbel]

I haven't read all the responses so I apologize if I am repeating something already said. 

 

I am a shy, socially awkward, introvert homebody.  My husband and son are pretty much like me. My daughter is nothing like the rest of us. She needs interaction, and lots of it.

 

Over the years I have gotten frustrated and tried to find ways to get her out of the house and leave me alone: outside classes, volunteering at the library, stuff like that. Still, she wants/needs a lot of interaction.  And I have given it.

 

Now she is 18.  She talks to me about everything and I am so thankful for it.  Issues with friends, and their boyfriends, and their other friends. She talks about her own longish-distance boyfriend.  (Far enough that she sees him less than once a month.)   She talks over her plans (and fears) about the future, about difficult personalities at her job, about the concerts she wants to go to.  She talked me into going to a concert with her when she couldn't find anyone else to go, and though I dreaded it for the entire week before we went, we ended up having a great time and I was so glad she was willing to share that with me.  She wasn't even embarrassed when I went up to the lead singer of the band to tell him how much I loved the show, and he hugged me, even though I'm sure I looked like his granny and he wondered why the heck I was there. 

 

She compares me - favorably! - with some of her friends' mothers, who have their own things to do, or otherwise don't spend a lot of time listening. 

 

When I get weary I remember that one of these days she's going to be gone out on her own.  I want her to call/text/write/visit me when she's an adult.   Of course... not every day!  :-)    But I look at it as building our future relationship, when she doesn't have to talk to me anymore if she doesn't want to.  

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

 

[Guest]

^What she (marbel) said^

 

best.parenting forum.post.ever.

 

(No, there is no contradiction. Something different is working for me right now, but that's the epitome of what people who post on parenting forums need and what I wanna write when I grow up.)

Edited June 17, 2017 by Guest

[heartlikealion]

I am working on the child sitter.  I really don't want to send them to B and M school--11 year old would be entering middle school and I don't want to put her in middle school for her first experience.  

I don't like watching movies much at all.  Especially at home I really have a hard time sitting and watching a movie without doing something else.  Her father watches movies with her.  

 

You could just sit in the same room and do a cross-stitch or knit or meal plan or iron or or or... just spending time together might be appreciated?

 

   

 

Regentrude, were you the one who helped me out when I assumed that an accidental homeschooler was a philosophical homeschooler and put my foot in my mouth big time about her kid switching to ps?

 

Somebody did, anyway.

 

IF you are a philosophical homeschooler, OP, you might look into T4L. I've never used it and I hate the idea for education, but it might work for you for fulfilling your local legal requirements and getting you some down time and the freedom to focus on what you DO enjoy with your kids.

 

If you are an accidental homeschooler, just ignore me because Regentrude's advice is probably going to resonate better with you.

 

I guess....I don't mean to put thoughts into your head because I am me and you are you and I'm just trying to help.

 

I don't know if I should type, "ouch" but we use it along with other resources for our homeschooling. I don't like it for math, but we did use it for a chunk of language arts (you might be able to view scope & sequence without logging in). For an extra fee they will let you add a Rosetta Stone element now. We're accidental homeschoolers. I started with T4L and branched out.