how to discourage flirting

[maize]

My dd13 is asking how to discourage a same-age boy's attention. Seems to be innocent flirting but she is annoyed by it--a boy in her summer camp group has focused his attention on her and she doesn't like it. She thinks he is trying to be nice, but the interest isn't mutual.

 

It's a short term situation, so not a big deal over all. But since she is asking for ideas I thought I'd ask the question here. I was never good at this stuff myself!

[Ravin]

She could try being direct. "Please leave me alone. I know you're being nice but it's in a way that's bothering me and I don't like it."

[HTRMom]

I would not be direct. It's such a sensitive age and it could shake his confidence for a long time. I would just try to direct his attention away as much as possible and offer zero encouragement. "Hey! What did you think of the movie?" "My friends and I were all laughing! Girls, wasn't such and such funny?" Direct to groups and external things and try to distract him or get him talking to someone else. But "I don't like you, leave me alone" is very harsh for a harmless 13yo boy with a crush.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Pen]

Make sure she is not accidentally sending flirt messages herself. Like glancing at him.

 

 

If she needs to say something, then I think Ravin's suggestion is reasonable.  It may hurt his feelings, but it will also give him useful information.  And may be kinder than the possibility that something she's doing without realizing is making him think she is interested.

[Tangerine]

I'm a little torn. If this were a girl who wanted to be her friend and wasn't getting the hint, I don't think I'd go with "leave me alone." I might go that route as an adult when being persistently flirted with, but it is hard to know how savvy a 13 year old boy is. I feel like it is hard to give advice without knowing what the interactions are like. Is he clueless or relentless?

[Dmmetler]

Well, DD has found that picking up a snake is a pretty good deterrent...

[Pen]

She might consider making it known around the camp or the group that she has a particular boy back home that she's interested in. 

 

She could start throwing out the "your such a great friend" "you are just like the brother I never had" type of phrases.

 

If she knows of some other girl that is interested in him, she could try playing matchmaker a bit with them.

 

She might try bringing it up with one of the camp counselors that she trusts and who has a good head on his/her shoulders.  They might be able to just make a general announcement to the group about making sure that everyone is respecting everyone else's space, that sort of thing.  If she's 13 and this kid's 13, I am assuming this camp is for kids of that general age, so they have probably have dealt with this sort of thing before.

 

 

 

Being direct is an option to, but perhaps not quite so blunt.  Perhaps instead of "leave me alone, you are bothering me," it could be something more like "Hey, I am getting the feeling that you like me.  While I appreciate it, I just don't feel the same way.  I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I just can't return the interest."  It's a little less blunt and might sting a little less.

 

NOW...if she says that, and he insists, that's when you get much more blunt. 

 

The blue bolded sounds quite good!!! and also allows the boy to say something like that he isn't interested just wanting to be friendly even if that's not true and is just face saving. Possibly a bit shorter:

 

 

"Hey, I  get the feeling that you like me.  While I appreciate it, I just don't feel the same way."  

 

 

 

From pov of having a 15yo son, the black bolded ones might come through in a wrong way,...    "great friend" "brother" etc. seeming like she wants to be closer with him,  but is not comfortable saying more than that.  

[Farrar]

Direct and clear. "I think you're trying to be my friend, but all this attention is making me uncomfortable. I'm asking you to leave me alone."

 

IME with this age group, when girls try to be nice by saying things like, you're like my brother or I have a boyfriend or I think you like me but I just want to be friends, it backfires and the boy doubles down. It's like what they hear is "she doesn't hate me! I'm in!"

[wonderchica]

Make sure she is not accidentally sending flirt messages herself. Like glancing at him.

 

 

If she needs to say something, then I think Ravin's suggestion is reasonable. It may hurt his feelings, but it will also give him useful information. And may be kinder than the possibility that something she's doing without realizing is making him think she is interested.

Wait... she can't glance at him?

[Guest]

If he isn't actually hitting on her.... OP says he's showing her attention and trying to be nixe.... Then what is there to say?

 

If he is actually hitting on her and she's not I interested, she can just say no thanks, and ideally at that point yes drop it.

 

She doesn't need to like deceive (bf back home) and she doesn't need to police her glances.

[nixpix5]

Direct and clear. "I think you're trying to be my friend, but all this attention is making me uncomfortable. I'm asking you to leave me alone."

 

IME with this age group, when girls try to be nice by saying things like, you're like my brother or I have a boyfriend or I think you like me but I just want to be friends, it backfires and the boy doubles down. It's like what they hear is "she doesn't hate me! I'm in!"

 

Absolutely agree with this.

 

Boys don't take the subtle clues or the distracting technique. Nope, not at all. Even girls who set a boundary and do it with an insecure giggle send the wrong message. It must be clear and to the point. "I want to be friends but if you keep flirting I won't be able too because it makes me uncomfortable" etc. Teaching kids solid boundaries now will protect them from so many potential issues later.

[EmseB]

Direct and clear. "I think you're trying to be my friend, but all this attention is making me uncomfortable. I'm asking you to leave me alone."

 

IME with this age group, when girls try to be nice by saying things like, you're like my brother or I have a boyfriend or I think you like me but I just want to be friends, it backfires and the boy doubles down. It's like what they hear is "she doesn't hate me! I'm in!"

 

So I agree that this is the best approach.  However, I know at 13 is there is NO WAY I would have uttered those words.

 

I know that we shouldn't teach kids to be passive aggressive or avoid things like this by being ambivalent, it's just that, remembering what me and all my friends were like at 13, I don't see this as a realistic thing that would happen. And if I had done anything like this in middle school I know that I would have ended up being called a lot of not-nice names for being so direct.

Edited June 16, 2017 by EmseB

[maize]

If he isn't actually hitting on her.... OP says he's showing her attention and trying to be nixe.... Then what is there to say?

 

If he is actually hitting on her and she's not I interested, she can just say no thanks, and ideally at that point yes drop it.

 

She doesn't need to like deceive (bf back home) and she doesn't need to police her glances.

 

He has mentioned dating several times, so yeah I would say he is hitting on her.

[Tangerine]

I think I'm going by my almost 13 year old. I really don't think she would recognize flirting or know what to call it. So I'm possibly picturing the whole thing differently than other people might based on their own experiences at that age. Because I don't remember for myself.

[Pen]

It's so funny, because guys are so different.  For my DH, if he found out a girl had a crush on someone back home, he would have backed off immediately.  And for a girl to have told him "you are such a great friend" he would have been disappointed to have been relegated to "the friend zone" and slunk away lol.  But I can see how that might be the complete opposite for other guys.

 

Overall though, I think it's good for the OP to have a variety of options to advise her DD with. 

 

 

 

 

Some may be individual to particular people, but same may have to do with place also--and Maize can judge that perhaps for her area at least, if not for the particular boy. I think here where I am, if two kids are paired off, holding hands, that sort of thing, then they are considered off-limits to others. But just being interested in someone else doesn't mean someone else cannot flirt.   There are often situations where A likes B, B likes C, C likes D, D likes A.  

 

OTOH, if A let it be known that she has a serious boyfriend back home, that is a different matter. But would Maize's dd age 13 have a serious boyfriend?  Seems unlikely to me.  

 

Here it is a rural community where marrying someone who had been known since early childhood and is like a brother/sister or a best friend is considered positive.  If that were intended as a way of saying disinterest it would have to be more explicit, like "I see you as only a friend, nothing more."

 

 

 

When my ds was at sleep away camp last year, a girl informed all the boys so no one boy was singled out to feel bad, that she was not interested in any of them. And she told them (truthfully) that she was a black belt in karate so they better not try anything.  I gather that was very effective. Some version of this that fit Maize's dd could perhaps work, but only if it is true that she is not interested in any of the boys, or not interested in anything romantic with any boy yet.  And assuming that the boy who is bothering her, gets the message.

[Word Nerd]

I'd ask her about their interactions and how she responds to his attention, then point out anything she might be saying or doing that he may be misinterpreting as mutual interest. A girl may be just "being nice" by being approachable, paying attention to a boy, laughing, smiling at him, teasing in a friendly way, etc., but if he likes her, he may see those things as signs that she likes him too. (Girls may do the same thing when they like someone.) Not engaging with him when he tries to strike up a conversation or giving him subtle encouragement would send a different message. She doesn't need to be mean, but she shouldn't be nice either if she wants to discourage him. If he still won't take a hint, then the direct approach may be needed.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Word Nerd

[Pen]

Wait... she can't glance at him?

 

 

Of course she can. but if he has a crush on her, he may interpret a glance as showing interest.  A girl looking at a boy and then looking away or down is sometimes a "flirt" signal itself.

 

And it can be very hard to tell at that age what is a signal of what.  Could be the boy paying attention and being nice just means he is paying attention and being nice.  Possibly with a girl he was really interested in he'd be doing a modern equivalent of dipping her hair in an inkwell.

[gardenmom5]

act disinterested.  dd had it down - she intimidated guys with her attitude of "if you can hold an intelligent conversation I"ll talk to you."  there were few that could.

 

if they ask about a movie - she can say she hasn't seen it and she's not interested in seeing it (or even a dismissive comment about it), or if she has with her friends, a one word answer. the objective is to send a message of disinterest in discussing anything with him.

 

another ability is to say "oh, I really must go talk to ___" and walk away.  doesn't matter if she needs to - the point is ending the conversation. 

[Pen]

He has mentioned dating several times, so yeah I would say he is hitting on her.

 

IMO She should tell him clearly and directly, in words, that she is not interested in him, does not want to date him.

 

And also I suggest that you help her figure out if she is unconsciously sending any interest signals, and if so, she should stop.  ETA: but imo that would be in addition to and for following after a direct, clear response.

 

While some boys hit on girls who have never shown the slightest bit of interest, what I have heard from my son is that he and all but one of the boys he's friends with only get interested in talking about dating or that sort of thing where the girl has already seemed to them to be sending subtle cues that she is interested.  And it is hard for them because even though it is 2017 they are still expected usually to be making the first overt move, but it is hard to judge subtle cues especially without much life experience.

 

BTW, I don't know what "dating" means where you are, but here "dating" at age 13 means holding hands, sitting together at lunch.  Apparently.  Nothing that I understood as "dating."

 

In any case, with the progression as I understand it now, once he has said something about dating, it is now her turn to respond clearly and directly to him about if she would be interested or not.

 

 

Edited June 16, 2017 by Pen

[Pen]

Perhaps something like, "I'm sorry if something I did made it seem like I might want to date you, but I don't."   Or, "Hey name, I've been thinking and I wasn't sure if when you talked about dating last week you had in mind it was something you'd like to do with me, but I wanted to let you know that I don't want to date you."

 

 

[Pen]

If it is a Monday to Friday day camp, she might want to do this tomorrow so that he has the weekend to recover if he needs to recover,

[Catwoman]

He has mentioned dating several times, so yeah I would say he is hitting on her.

How does she respond when he mentions dating?

 

Couldn't she simply say she's not interested in dating anyone at all, or even say she's not allowed to date yet?

 

I don't see any reason to be overly blunt unless he really can't take a hint. I wouldn't want to see his feelings get hurt if he's basically a nice boy.

[foxbridgeacademy]

The dating comment is the perfect opportunity to say "wow, I'm flattered but sooo not even slightly interested in that right now" if she really isn't interested in "dating" at all.  DD would probably say "sorry dude, you are firmly in the friend zone".

[Tanaqui]

She is allowed to be nice to people she's not interested in dating, and she shouldn't have to worry about policing her every action either. Honestly, I think being direct is a kindness - "Barnaby, I think you might like me in a different way than I like you. I just want to be friends" or "I'm not interested in dating anybody right now" is direct but not mean.

 

Incidentally, Captain Awkward handled this subject just recently, although the topic was "friendship", not "dating". The same rules apply, though.

 

https://captainawkward.com/2017/06/12/977-i-just-dont-want-to-be-your-friend/

[Katy]

I think it's important that girls know it's fine to be a "bitch" if necessary but it isn't fine to treat anyone with scorn.  There's a difference.  And some guys don't respect hints, you have to learn to be a bitch sometimes to avoid the creepy ones.

 

Since he's mentioned dating, I would have her say, "I'm sorry, but I don't like you that way," possibly followed by a suggestion of some other girl she thinks would be interested in him.

 

I once told a boy at summer camp I didn't want to date him and he had a meltdown culminating in screaming at me from the pool in front of everyone, "Why'd you have to reject me like that?"  It made me wish I had just told him who I liked instead.

[Χά�ων]

I am disturbed at every post that hints that maybe she is doing something to cause him to think that way. Umm no.

 

 

I would use Ravin's suggetion.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Χά�ων

[Pen]

How does she respond when he mentions dating?

 

Couldn't she simply say she's not interested in dating anyone at all, or even say she's not allowed to date yet?

 

I don't see any reason to be overly blunt unless he really can't take a hint. I wouldn't want to see his feelings get hurt if he's basically a nice boy.

 

 

If those were true, that could be fine.

 

IMO, if he is a nice boy, he deserves a very nice,  but also very clear and direct response of "no."  The more time he spends in limbo, the more emotional energy he wastes on this, the more hurt he is likely to be. IME. 

 

From my pov as a mom of a teen boy, a direct, clear reply is better though.  Not something like "I'd never date a loser like you"  type of a response, but just a really clear no.  

 

 I am imagining possible scenarios at the boy's home where he is talking with his parents about this girl at camp who is doing this or that, that seems flirty, but he can't tell for sure.  And when he mentions dating, won't say a clear yeah or nay to it. And he may be working up to a more direct question to ask her since she has not yet given a clear answer.  But he could spend days or weeks dwelling on this in his mind, practicing how to ask her about dating in a more direct way, etc. So, I see it as her doing him a real kindness to say "no."

 

If she says no clearly and directly (not in a nasty way, but clear and direct), if he is a normal boy, it is likely that he will feel hurt for a little while, but will process it,  and will move on.  Most boys will not be devastated by hearing no, IME.  

 

Not being direct with a no, can also be seen as, experienced as, the girl being a tease, leading the boy on, playing games, especially if she has given prior accidental, inadvertent messages interpreted as that she was interested in him, but even if not.

[Catwoman]

I am disturbed at every post that hints that maybe she is doing something to cause him to think that way. Umm no.

 

 

I would use Ravin's suggetion.

I don't think anyone is blaming her for anything she is doing. I think people realize that these are two 13 year-olds who are probably both inexperienced with things like flirting and figuring out whether or not someone is interested in them, so it's very easy for either or both of them to misinterpret the other's words and actions.

 

I don't think maize's dd has done anything wrong, but I don't think the boy has done anything wrong, either. He likes her. As far as we know, he hasn't been rude or obnoxious about it; all he has done is that he has mentioned dating, probably to try to find out whether or not she is attracted to him. I don't think this is a big deal, and I'm sure maize's dd will find a way to let him down kindly and without embarrassing him or hurting his feelings.

[Tanaqui]

I once told a boy at summer camp I didn't want to date him and he had a meltdown culminating in screaming at me from the pool in front of everyone, "Why'd you have to reject me like that?"  It made me wish I had just told him who I liked instead.

 

Well, geez, you made the right choice. He was clearly not emotionally prepared to be in a relationship

 

[Word Nerd]

I am disturbed at every post that hints that maybe she is doing something to cause him to think that way. Umm no.

.

I'm disturbed that some people always have to find some insidious meaning in posts. Of course she's not doing anything wrong, and no one even suggested that. Edited June 16, 2017 by Word Nerd

[JFSinIL]

She can also mention how she looks forward to dating when she is 18, and is glad her parents won't let her do so until then, so she can concentrate on learning the oboe/martial arts/becoming an engineer (whatever) and isn't it fun hanging with everyone at camp? Let's go make s'mores!

[Pen]

The dating comment is the perfect opportunity to say "wow, I'm flattered but sooo not even slightly interested in that right now" if she really isn't interested in "dating" at all.  DD would probably say "sorry dude, you are firmly in the friend zone".

 

 

I like these because they sound like pretty clear "no" replies, in current teen lingo.

 

But I'd probably want to add something like "just a" before the word "friend" in second example, if there like here has the idea of friend as not inconsistent with dating.  And that only if she actually does want to be friends with him.  In first, I'd strike out "right now" as possibly suggesting that tomorrow she will be interested in him. Or next week. 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I'm disturbed that some people always have to find some insidious meaning in posts. Of course she's not doing anything wrong, and no one even suggested that.

 

I was seeing a similar message in the posts. I could tell no one overtly meant it was her fault. It's still there.

[Word Nerd]

I was seeing a similar message in the posts. I could tell no one overtly meant it was her fault. It's still there.

 

The question was how to discourage flirting from a particular boy. The answers reflect what she could do or not do to achieve that end, whether it's to show she is disinterested or to be more direct. Why is that disturbing? 

Edited June 16, 2017 by Word Nerd

[Χά�ων]

The question was how to discourage flirting from a particular boy. The answers reflect that. If you are reading more into it than that, that's your issue.

The fact that you cannot see it directly reflectd why it needs to be pointed out. You, my dear, are part of the problem.

[Peaceseeker]

When my daughter was dealing with something similar (in this case how to break up with a nice boy) I told her it was really easy. 6 words, said privately.

 

I would rather just be friends.

 

Might require an extra sentence if they have never dated and he is asking. Something kind like 'Thank you for asking me but I would rather just be friends.'

[HSmomof2]

I would not be direct. It's such a sensitive age and it could shake his confidence for a long time. I would just try to direct his attention away as much as possible and offer zero encouragement. "Hey! What did you think of the movie?" "My friends and I were all laughing! Girls, wasn't such and such funny?" Direct to groups and external things and try to distract him or get him talking to someone else. But "I don't like you, leave me alone" is very harsh for a harmless 13yo boy with a crush.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

^^^ ITA ..... especially since it's only a short term issue anyway.

[gardenmom5]

I am disturbed at every post that hints that maybe she is doing something to cause him to think that way. Umm no.

 

 

I would use Ravin's suggetion.

 

the advice is about two 13 yo's learning how to navigate signals. . . . - how to send them and make sure they're sending the message they want,

or do you think this advice only applies to girls?  I sure don't.

 

the advice would be the same if it was a boy being pursued by a girl he didn't want to date.  

and yeah - I've had a teenage boy chased by multiple girls he had zero interest in, but didn't know how to get them to leave him alone.

 

I don't think anyone is blaming her for anything she is doing. I think people realize that these are two 13 year-olds who are probably both inexperienced with things like flirting and figuring out whether or not someone is interested in them, so it's very easy for either or both of them to misinterpret the other's words and actions.

 

I don't think maize's dd has done anything wrong, but I don't think the boy has done anything wrong, either. He likes her. As far as we know, he hasn't been rude or obnoxious about it; all he has done is that he has mentioned dating, probably to try to find out whether or not she is attracted to him. I don't think this is a big deal, and I'm sure maize's dd will find a way to let him down kindly and without embarrassing him or hurting his feelings.

 

 

Bingo

[Pen]

I am disturbed at every post that hints that maybe she is doing something to cause him to think that way. Umm no.

 

 

I would use Ravin's suggetion.

 

 

I don't think she has likely done anything deliberately wrong. But I do think that while a few boys are totally clueless, or cads, and will fail to heed even a direct and clear spoken "no," that once a boy is interested, has some hormone flow starting, that anything short of a clear and direct no--just being normally  friendly and nice, or saying "hello" or not saying "hello," anything can be (mis)interpreted as interest.  She has at least been friendly or present or something enough for him to talk about dating in her presence, even if perhaps we still don't really know what was going on.   Unless, say, he forcibly grabbed her and held her against against her will, in which case the camp administrators would need to be contacted, IMO. But from what was shared that is probably not what happened.  Probably both kids are nice kids doing their best, and probably there is just young teen communication that needs to be figured out.

 

 

[ETA: also vice versa. It could be the girl interested in the boy and (mis) interpreting the boys' inadvertent actions as indicating he likes her.] 

 

 

And saying "no" is really good practice anyway.

 

This may be different in different places, but again, at least around here, with programs like Our Whole Lives and so on becoming more popular, a lot of the kids in school, in church programs, or for my ds in homeschool co-op class, seem to be being taught to be much more direct about what they want and don't want, and how to directly talk about it, whether that is with regard to sex, dating, or just friendship, and with  emphasis on clear communication.  One segment of Our Whole Lives that he did involved role playing asking another person out, and being told no, with the kids practicing being on both sides of that and testing out different ways to ask and different ways to turn the other person down..  

Edited June 16, 2017 by Pen

[Tangerine]

I really don't think helping a barely adolescent girl figure out what a boy may perceive as reciprocal flirting or a signal that she's also interested is anything like blaming her for unwanted advances. Especially if she is asking for help. I understand the way that conversation hints at a "what did you do to lead him on..." sort of argument, and is setting off alarm bells, but I don't think that is what is going on here. I absolutely know my particular child will need help figuring those things out, and I would never blame her for someone bothering her, but I can certainly help her understand what common signals people give when they are interested in someone.

[Guest]

He has mentioned dating several times, so yeah I would say he is hitting on her.

Him, "So, when you gonna go out with me?"

 

Her, "Oh, I'm not really into that right now."

 

I agree that nervous giggling and giving signals that she's flattered will only spur him on. It's tough though, because I never did know how to brush off a guy who was crushing on me except by having a boyfriend. There were a couple guys I remember continued to think they had a chance when they had zero chance and I remember one instance where the boy thought I was his gf because he had a cool watch that he let me borrow for a few weeks.

[Word Nerd]

The fact that you cannot see it directly reflectd why it needs to be pointed out. You, my dear, are part of the problem.

 

Don't mistake my rejection of your knee-jerk slippery slope argument as my not seeing the point you were making.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Word Nerd

[Bluegoat]

I really liked the suggestion of saying clearly "I would rather just be/stay as friends."  It doesn't preclude frienship but keeps things clearly on that level.

 

One of the complcating factors at that age - and often even up through the 20s, is that young people feel very powerfully that if only they adore the person long enough or powerfully enough, the beloved will eventually reciprocate.  I think this often holds true if they know it is illogical.  And there is something romantic about unrequited love.

 

As a result, even being friendly can seem like a sign of hope to the admirer.

 

Yet - being mean or indifferent is not what you want to do, and actually friendship might be desired.

 

SAying clearly that is all seems the best solution.  If the individual was stll making comments, I might repeat "I just want to be friends, and it's making me feel uncomfortable when you keep talking about dating." 

[unsinkable]

Her best friend needs to tell his best friend to tell him that she just wants to be friends.

 

:D

[Pen]

My 2 cents:

 

 

IF She actually particularly wants to be friends with the boy, then saying that would be fine.  If she does not, then I would suggest not saying it just "to be nice."

 

 

 

No = No .

 

 

Yes = Yes .

 

 

Most everything else might mean:  Maybe.

 

 

 

eg:  "I'm not allowed to date till I'm 17," could mean (unspoken subtext) "I'm very in love with you too, but we have to wait 4 years till we can go out together."

 

 

If she is not interested and wants to discourage  him, imo to be truly "kind", rather than "nice,"  Say," No."  Say," I'm not interested in you." In words that are not mean, but are clear, that allow him to get over it and move on, assuming he is a normal boy who will. 

 

 

Again, that is just my 2 cents.

[gardenmom5]

 

 

eg:  "I'm not allowed to date till I'm 17," could mean (unspoken subtext) "I'm very in love with you too, but we have to wait 4 years till we can go out together."

 

 

If she is not interested and wants to discourage  him, imo to be truly "kind", rather than "nice,"  Say," No."  Say," I'm not interested in you." In words that are not mean, but are clear, that allow him to get over it and move on, assuming he is a normal boy who will. 

 

 

Again, that is just my 2 cents.

 

 

my sil didn't allow her kids to date until they were 16.  the DAY her dd turned 16 . . . three different boys called to ask her out.  that doesn't include the ones who'd already asked beforehand if she'd go out with them after her birthday.

 

so - yeah - I agree with the "i'm not allowed to date until . . . " is far too ambiguous.

ambiguous - isn't being "nice", but more like stringing someone along

[Pen]

Why is it disturbing to think that a 13yr old girl might inadvertently be sending signals that she is interested to a 13yr old boy?  I mean, it doesn't sound like this kid is sexually harassing her or anything, just trying to flirt, at least the way I understand the OP.  And, I don't think it's all that uncommon for 13yr old kids to get their "I am interested" and " I am not interested" signals all messed up. 

 

 

Yes. And may still have trouble at 23, or 53, so  13 is a great time to practice!

[gardenmom5]

Her best friend needs to tell his best friend to tell him that she just wants to be friends.

 

:D

 

makes for good comedy sketches - but not so much in real life.

 

I wouldn't want any of my kids to think they had to resort to having "their best friend" be responsible for sending messages to anyone.

 

unless it was their friend with a black belt letting someone who won't go away -  know that they need to go away . . .

[Hyacinth]

makes for good comedy sketches - but not so much in real life.

 

I wouldn't want any of my kids to think they had to resort to having "their best friend" be responsible for sending messages to anyone.

 

unless it was their friend with a black belt letting someone who won't go away -  know that they need to go away . . .

I think she was kidding.

[Hyacinth]

I think there are some assumptions going on here regarding the definition of flirting. I didn't read the OP's post as the boy doing anything wrong, necessarily. He's not harassing her, objectifying her, verbally assaulting or taunting her. So the comments about her actions aren't victim blaming. There is no victim. There are two adolescents trying to navigate the new and sometimes uncomfortable nuances of hormones and feelings and relationships and communication. 

 

FWIW, I prefer the direct approach: "Are you serious when you talk about dating me? Because I'm not interested in being more than just friends."   

Edited June 16, 2017 by Hyacinth