Should one read other people's open screens or letters?

[Laura Corin]

If a screen is left open (in a family situation) or a letter (addressed to someone else) is left out, is it polite to read them?  Two polls.

[maize]

Not polite in general, but varies by circumstance.

[Guest]

No in either situation. I would only do either of these if I thought something concerning (life, health, morality) was happening with the person and there were multiple red flags that really called for snooping. Otherwise, I have a very strong anti-snooping policy. I even knock on my son's door before I enter.

[JessReplanted]

I think it depends on the situation and person. My husband and I have an open screen policy. Same for the kids at their current ages. If you were visiting me though, I wouldn't snoop on your phone. 😂

[OneStepAtATime]

Only under very specific circumstances would I consider it fine to do either. Otherwise yeah that would not be polite. However, accidental reading can and does happen in n my household, especially since because of my wonky eye sight issues I use very large fonts.

[happi duck]

I vote not polite...Even if sitting in sight

 

If the board is consistent I suspect that open and readable will be considered fair game. (like the thread about guests reading papers on a desk or a fridge)

[Laurie4b]

I voted no for letter and other for screen. I assumed it was a laptop screen. If it was a phone, my answer is the same as for a letter. 

 

1) an open laptop screen is usually at an angle that enables it to be read without prior intent to read---like a billboard. In contrast, you have to stand right over a letter or pick it up to read it. 

2) It would depend what was on the screen. If I started to read a screen and realized it was private, I would stop. 

[Hyacinth]

In our household, I wouldn't think anything of one of us reading someone else's open screen. I picture this kind of thing: "Mom, I need to use the computer but you have a letter of recommendation up. What do you want me to do with it?" "Brother, are you done with your history paper here?" So the reading isn't nosy, necessarily. It's just there. We have only one desktop in the house and everyone uses it.

 

But that's immediate family in our house. I wouldn't read something on my neoghbor's screen.

[zoobie]

Screen would depend--is it a family computer? What is the screen on? Who was using it? If our family computer is on a news type site, that's fair game. I will see what DS11 is doing on the computer. If DH's work laptop is out, I wouldn't read through his tabs or emails. I'd open a new one if I needed to hop online.

 

Letters, nope. Not without the owner saying hey, read this.

[MEmama]

Generally, no. We have a strong family privacy policy, but at the same time it's mostly unavoidable to see what we are all looking at on various screens. I'd say I'd pretty much expect it from DH or DS (because we always hang out together and share what we're reading anyway) but not from anyone else.

[AmandaVT]

I voted that neither are polite, but DH and I have no issues reading either the others' letters/screens. Unless one of us is trying to surprise the other and then we'll let each other know. I wouldn't read DH's computer or phone, but he'd have no problem if I did and vice versa. We typically use our own laptops, but if his is in his briefcase and mine is on the coffee table, he'll just grab mine to use.

[Laura Corin]

I voted no for letter and other for screen. I assumed it was a laptop screen. If it was a phone, my answer is the same as for a letter. 

 

1) an open laptop screen is usually at an angle that enables it to be read without prior intent to read---like a billboard. In contrast, you have to stand right over a letter or pick it up to read it. 

2) It would depend what was on the screen. If I started to read a screen and realized it was private, I would stop. 

 

The person walked across the room to read the screen.  When challenged with, 'You wouldn't read a letter addressed to someone else, would you?' the person said, 'Yes, you leave your letters out where I can read them too.'

 

Just wondering if I am off-kilter.

[Guest]

While I don't think it's POLITE to do it, I don't think it's impolite at home. It's a neutral action. At home​.

 

In someone else's house or in public or with a non-nuclear-family-member, I have a strong averting my gaze policy.

[Lady Florida.]

No to both, though it could be situational. However, in the situation you described, no.

[poppy]

Who on earth would do that? I can't imagine it being appropriate in a peer situation.   A parent to child, yes. Otherwise, it is a violation.

[Joker]

In our home, none of us would think anything of reading an open letter or screen. I know that other families feel differently though so it's something we all know not to do in others' homes. 

[medawyn]

My MIL will do this.  I have to make sure *everything* is put away, usually in a locked file cabinet, because apparently drawers are also "open and public".   :glare:  But she's also of the opinion that she still has full rights to everything that happens in her adult children's lives, and I don't use her as the measure of what is polite.

 

 

[Seasider]

I believe it's good manners to not intentionally read. That said, sometimes it can't be helped (thinking specifically of a screen), if someone walked away with information wide open to easy viewing.

[Guest]

If it were my mom (for example) by NATURE of it being her, I wouldn't be ok with it. There's something to be said for controlling the flow of information!! There's teen history ykwim?

 

My mil goes through our stuff just through the course of events, though, like helping around the house and it doesn't phase me. My sil and I have the same name and hor address so she reads half my mail. Again, no problem.

 

My approach (not that anyone asked for it) would be to say, ok, I do think care what other people do.... I am u comfortable with YOU reading my stuff...And Im grown, just as used to privacy as you, etc...

Edited March 26, 2017 by OKBud

[TravelingChris]

When I am at my daughter's home, no to the letter and no to the walking to look at a screen.  My house and my dh and I only- not an issue at all.  My daughter when she is home from college (other daughter), no expectation of privacy if she leaves her laptop out and open-  it is always something non-personal like her schoolwork or a paused video. But I don't go out of my way to look at her computer and I certainly don't start investigating it.  I have no reason to invade her privacy and while I don't usually look at dh's phone or he at mine, no restrictions there.

[Bambam]

I voted no in both cases.

I have a dd who pretty much 100% of the time leaves her email open on my computer. And her college account. And her paper that she is currently writing. It is annoying to have to remind her again and again that she needs to log out and close those windows. It isn't like every time she has to leave the computer in a rush. 
And, although it is tempting, I don't read her emails or papers or whatever. But I have given thought to writing interesting emails from her account.  But I won't. 

[SKL]

Generally, no.  But to be completely honest, it can be automatic if it's sitting right out there.

 

I've been yelling at my kid for looking at my computer screen since she was 4yo and started reading people's emails (& asking questions & reporting to others what she read).  UGH that drives me crazy, LOL.

[SKL]

My mom opened all my mail and read it when I lived with her.  (I lived there through college and moved out at 21.)  Used to make me so mad, but she felt she had the right because it came to her address.

 

I doubt I will be that way ... probably yes until my kids are in college though.

[Audrey]

The person walked across the room to read the screen.  When challenged with, 'You wouldn't read a letter addressed to someone else, would you?' the person said, 'Yes, you leave your letters out where I can read them too.'

 

Just wondering if I am off-kilter.

 

That affects my response a bit.

 

I voted that neither is polite.  I was going to say, though, that if I walk through a room and, in passing, happen to see what is on the screen, I can't be held accountable for having seen it if it wasn't meant to be seen.  That said, I wouldn't stop to read it carefully.  I'm simply referring to, perhaps, seeing a banner or website logo or pictures.  Certainly, the act of going over to it to read it uninvited isn't polite at all. 

[SKL]

I will say that I've always been protective of my computer screens.  I set them up at an angle where you can't see the screen unless you walk all the way back behind the computer (nobody has any business doing that but me).

 

I have issues with people looking over my shoulder, LOL.

[Meriwether]

Outside the family, it is impolite. It is impolite within the family, but I make an exception for what my children do online. I don't like it when the kids read over my shoulder even though the computer screen is right there. I'm not hiding anything unless I'm buying gifts, but I don't like it. We are very open in our family. If it is even remotely their business and they ask to see something, I'll let them. And if the kids do anything online I reserve the right (at their ages) to read it. That will not continue as they age.

[Alice]

I didn't vote because my ideal answer and the reality are different. Ideally I value privacy and wouldn't read a letter or screen meant for someone else. The reality in our family is that we all use the same main computer so often I see things left on the screen even if I'm not really trying to read them. My oldest kid is 13 and only recently got his own email. When he got it I said I would check it occasionally. Mostly because the emails he gets are things about Scouts and swimming and umping and I wasn't sure he would be responsible enough to keep up with it at first and he  might miss something he needed to know. But he is good about checking it and responding as needed, so I rarely read it anymore. 

 

I would probably open mail that arrived addressed to my husband because I can't think of anything that he would be getting I couldn't read...and I'm fine with him opening my mail or reading letters addressed to me. If it was an obvious personal letter addressed to him I would likely leave it for him but usually it's bills or something household that I take care of anyway. I wouldn't open something addressed to my kids but that rarely happens so it's not really an issue here. 

 

My Mom however, has no privacy filter and if she visits thinks it's fine to read anything left out. In her mind there should be no secrets between family members. This has been a big issue for us in the past and is something that bothers me. 

[Janie Grace]

I *hate* it when my ds looks at my screen. He does so often (he's a snoop).

 

However, I find it very tempting to read my kids' emails (and I don't always think it's wrong... some measure of awareness for up through younger teens is wise, IMO). I will admit that ds comes by his temptation to snoop naturally. I'm tempted the same way. I do my best to respect boundaries (and I would never snoop at someone else's house) but if one of my kids left a letter out, I'd be tempted.