Is there name/word for this kind of person?

[MamaBearTeacher]

As soon as she sees someone she hasn't seen in a while she looks at their body and analyzes their weight. She needs to know if they have lost or gained a few pounds. She is always discussing other people's weight. She sees herself as an expert in who is overweight, who has an eating disorder. She watches everything other women eat and uses that information to help draw her conclusions. She acts very concerned about other people's health and well-being. She tends to be most concerned about the weight of other females and more accepting of men's bodies.

[MFG]

My word would be insecure.

[heartlikealion]

Someone that needs to focus on themselves/get a hobby :lol:

[heartlikealion]

She honestly may have some sort of passion for health/nutrition??

 

My dad means well, but he is constantly pushing health topics. He has commented before on food/drink I chose to consume and I didn't appreciate the feedback. On the other hand, when someone actually wants his input, he probably is very helpful.

 

This woman may need to realize wanted/unwanted feedback.

[mellifera33]

Bitch? Guess I'm not feeling charitable atm.

[MamaBearTeacher]

She may have a passion for nutrition because it is the thing she gossips about the most but she also is quite judgemental with other things ie. if a woman works and has her children in daycare, how many hours women with children work, how other women decorate their homes, what neighbourhood they live in and what schools/preschools they send their kids to. She sometimes shares her views directly with a person but usually just gossips about their weight behind their back. She has no idea that there is anything wrong with being so obsessed.

[kewb]

The word would be my mother in law.

Everything in her life revolves around weight and her diet. And everyone else's weight.

[heartlikealion]

She may have a passion for nutrition because it is the thing she gossips about the most but she also is quite judgemental with other things ie. if a woman works and has her children in daycare, how many hours women with children work, how other women decorate their homes, what neighbourhood they live in and what schools/preschools they send their kids to. She sometimes shares her views directly with a person but usually just gossips about their weight behind their back. She has no idea that there is anything wrong with being so obsessed.

 

Maybe the word I would use is unhappy. Sounds like she's probably an unhappy person and chooses to focus on negatives? That is, when she's thinking someone works too much or house isn't nice enough vs loves their decorations and choice in preschool.

 

[JustEm]

That is called someone I would not think twice about dropping as a friend. If it were a family member they would be holiday only family and I would leave the room the second the gossipping starts

[momacacia]

Very insecure and judgmental. The label for this kind of person is Stay Away From. :)

[SKL]

I have a friend who always wonders if the other person is fatter or thinner than she is.  :P  And in her culture, it is normal and expected that the first comment on meeting will be "you've gone so fat!"

 

I am sort of fascinated by how different people notice different things.  I mean there are certain people who, when the topic of person X comes up, they have to comment on how that person dresses (especially if person X is a woman).  But I think most people (myself included) don't notice those things, unless they are extreme.

 

One of my kids is naturally observant like this.  Especially when it comes to shoes, make-up, and hair.  I have no idea how she got this way.

[zoobie]

Impossible to say from that, but it sounds like she has an unhealthy obsession about weight and an utter lack of boundaries. She could have anxiety or OCD or narcissism (especially if comparing the other's weight to her own perfect ideal). Really though, what you can control is the boundaries you set for your own interactions with her. Don't engage. Tell her to stop. Walk away. Feeding into the conversation or opening yourself up to this nonsense only fuels it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes, it is called "annoying". 

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have a friend who always wonders if the other person is fatter or thinner than she is.  :p  And in her culture, it is normal and expected that the first comment on meeting will be "you've gone so fat!"

 

I am sort of fascinated by how different people notice different things.  I mean there are certain people who, when the topic of person X comes up, they have to comment on how that person dresses (especially if person X is a woman).  But I think most people (myself included) don't notice those things, unless they are extreme.

 

One of my kids is naturally observant like this.  Especially when it comes to shoes, make-up, and hair.  I have no idea how she got this way.

 

LOL...I kinda do this with height.  Not because I'm obsessed or anything, but I'm very short and I don't realize just how short until I see other very short people.  Then I wonder...whoa..am I THAT short...am I taller than that person...or shorter...huh...didn't think I was THAT short. 

 

I wouldn't ever say anything out loud to anyone about it though.  

[theelfqueen]

The word would be my mother in law.

Everything in her life revolves around weight and her diet. And everyone else's weight.

 

Are you SURE you're not my SIL?

 

When my mother in law comes to visit my kids jokingly track how many times she says "fat free", "sugar free", "low calorie", etc... then they lick the butter knife to annoy her (when we're done with it and it's getting washed -- not when people need to use it LOL)

[gardenmom5]

:huh: someone who is rather shallow and  needs to get a life.

 

I'm curious about her weight?   if she were to make such com I might even comment on how she's gained a few pounds.  ask her what diet plan she's following, what exercise regimen etc.

 

 

eta: I get really tired of my sil and her comments about weight.  (at least her own.  she's morbidly obese and has had her stomach stapled a few years ago.  she's still obese.)

 

Edited November 14, 2016 by gardenmom5

[SparklyUnicorn]

:huh: someone who is rather shallow and  needs to get a life.

 

I'm curious about her weight?   if she were to make such com I might even comment on how she's gained a few pounds.  ask her what diet plan she's following, what exercise regimen etc.

 

 

eta: I get really tired of my sil and her comments about weight.  (at least her own.  she's morbidly obese and has had her stomach stapled a few years ago.  she's still obese.)

 

Oh but some people feel as if they are being helpful.  They want to save everyone from themselves. 

[TranquilMind]

As soon as she sees someone she hasn't seen in a while she looks at their body and analyzes their weight. She needs to know if they have lost or gained a few pounds. She is always discussing other people's weight. She sees herself as an expert in who is overweight, who has an eating disorder. She watches everything other women eat and uses that information to help draw her conclusions. She acts very concerned about other people's health and well-being. She tends to be most concerned about the weight of other females and more accepting of men's bodies.

 

Self-absorbed?

 

Self-indulgent?

 

Egocentric?

 

Maybe she has an eating disorder?  Or is she a doctor or something?  Maybe she is indeed overly focused on health, for legitimate reasons? 

 

Edited November 14, 2016 by TranquilMind

[Liz CA]

Insecure.

[gardenmom5]

Oh but some people feel as if they are being helpful.  They want to save everyone from themselves. 

 

of those like this with whom I have dealt, they may think they're helpful - but in reality they are trying infringing into someone else's private life to give themselves a sense of importance because they are: (as has been mentioned above)

 

insecure

or

narcissistic

or both

 

they aren't mutually exclusive.

[Hen]

mean

 

or my step-mom.  Except about the nutritional info, she has a few weird beliefs but does not read up on real facts.   She was thin most of her life, got heavy for about 8 -10 years then lost it forever.  Once she lost it, she got weirdly competitive about weight, and it's always the first thing she notices or comments on.  After my sister had her first baby and hadn't gotten the weight off fast enough, in her (step-mom's) opinion, she printed out an unflattering photo of my sister on the computer in a large 8 x 11 size and then hung it on the refrigerator. She told me she did this so my sister "would realize how big she is"  :glare:

 

I made it clear, I think, that there was to be no pressuring my kids on weight issues, and she seems to have stuck with it as far as I could tell...but, at one point she wouldn't allow the kids to have water with dinner because she believed drinking and eating at the same time causes you to gain weight.  The kids didn't want to go over there anymore, and I didn't make them after that. 

 

if my sister and I get slim, she starts commenting that we don't look well and need to eat more.  If we are as heavy or heavier then her, she seems smug and asks us what we weigh or what size we are wearing.  If we are heavy, she makes mean comments.  You can't win with her.  If we have a visit with her without any mean comment, my sister and I always remark on it because it is so unusual.  I think she's mean and obsessively competitive about weight. 

 

lately, when she asks, I tell her very carelessly that I don't know, that I don't weigh myself anymore and it drives her nuts :sneaky2:

[SemiSweet]

Bitch? Guess I'm not feeling charitable atm.

:rofl: Liking this wasn't enough.

[SemiSweet]

lately, when she asks, I tell her very carelessly that I don't know, that I don't weigh myself anymore and it drives her nuts :sneaky2:

She actually asks you your weight???

[MamaBearTeacher]

There is not just one person.  I have met a few in my life and judging from these replies there are more.  I know that this kind of person comes from a society that pressures women to conform to a certain weight but I think a person like this has to be mean and immature to begin with.  Anyways, because I have come across this a few times in my life I thought there might be an actual name that was dreamed up for this kind of person or this phenomena.  A person with an eating disorder is usually overly concerned with their own weight but often women like this do not have an eating disorder and might even be comfortable with their own weight but they are obsessed with others' weight.  Anyways, I think there should be a name.  I think "busybody" is too global.

[myfunnybunch]

Rude.

[DawnM]

Horrid.  I couldn't be friends with that person.  I just couldn't.

[creekland]

I'd be thinking insecure, OCD, or perhaps a mental disease (Alzheimers?) in its beginning stages.  That last one might actually be my first thought since my MIL first showed her Alzheimer's that way years before we realized what was wrong.  Having seen more about Alzheimer's, there are usually signs like that up to a decade (or more) prior to the classic symptoms.

 

But it could also have come from being brought up in a very critical environment and that's all she knows.  She needs to make sure she's ok, so compares herself to everyone else.

 

Or her version of OCD.

 

The middle option might be fixable.  The first and last probably aren't.

[MyLittleBears]

Anyone would say she is being rude and judgmental but it sounds like more than that. It's not normal. I think she has a problem and I agree it sound more like OCD or some kind of mental/emotional disturbance.

Edited November 15, 2016 by MyLittleBears

[SparklyUnicorn]

Definitely insecure.  It's like "hey look what I've succeeded at that you didn't".  I must work harder than you.  And I need to keep pointing this out because I'm not sure if this makes me all that special, but I want to be special.  So here...I'm special see...

 

What's crazy is I have encountered heavy AND unhealthy people who talk like this about other people.  They'll point out who is fatter than them.  Or who is fat.  Or who is eating WHAT?!  Dude....shut up.....  I get it you are special because your fat is fancier than other people's fat, but get a grip.

 

 

[Farrar]

I wonder if it's a form of eating disorder to be so obsessed like that. Like if there's some version of anorexia that turns itself outward as a means of protecting oneself or something.

 

Obviously she's a rude, cruel, insecure person.

[maize]

I wonder if it's a form of eating disorder to be so obsessed like that. Like if there's some version of anorexia that turns itself outward as a means of protecting oneself or something.

 

Obviously she's a rude, cruel, insecure person.

I would label the behavior as rude, but I am not willing to label a person so dismissively. People who behave rudely are often suffering much worse themselves, possibly at the mercy of an illness or disorder.

[Farrar]

I would label the behavior as rude, but I am not willing to label a person so dismissively. People who behave rudely are often suffering much worse themselves, possibly at the mercy of an illness or disorder.

 

You're right. It's why I wondered if there was a version of anorexia that was outward somehow. The behavior is cruel though. She's behaving very badly, whether she realizes it or not.

[SparklyUnicorn]

You're right. It's why I wondered if there was a version of anorexia that was outward somehow. The behavior is cruel though. She's behaving very badly, whether she realizes it or not.

 

Yeah I do see how this might be a type of eating disorder or body image disorder.  And what if she grew up being scrutinized for her weight by a parent.  The thinking might be ingrained or disordered.

 

I hate the word disordered because it rankles people, but what I mean is the thinking is "different". 

[Amy in NH]

The word would be my mother in law.

Everything in her life revolves around weight and her diet. And everyone else's weight.

Are you my sister in law? Because it's my mother. She has always been obsessed with her weight and that of everyone around her. Since I was a little kid she has always struggled with her weight, yoyoing between a healthy weight and probably 30-50 lb overweight. She has tried a bazillion diets, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers more than once, but almost never exercises. I watched her tell a dietician a pack of half truths when being discharged from a cardiac stent... I drove her home and she asked for high sodium grocery store soup for dinner after telling them she eats low salt. She buys fudgesicles because one is low calorie, but I watched her eat three of them after dinner the last time I was there. She only takes one helping of food at mealtimes, but it is probably 2-3 servings of everything. Smh. It is definitely not a healthy living obsession.

 

For many years, every time I talked to her on the phone she'd ask me about my weight, what size clothes I wear, and then tell me about this person or that person's weight. It was very judgemental. I stopped answering her questions or engaging in the conversation, and I finally spoke up and told her that her obsession with everyone's weight (even strangers) was unhealthy. Now she does it less frequently, but it's still there. When she does lose a bit of weight she buys pants with elastic waistband so that she can fit into "a smaller size" than with a regular waist so she can brag about it.

 

A couple years ago a friend tried to sell me on one of those coaching diet plans (another whole kettle), and I told her flat out that I would not spend my life focused on weight. After watching my mother destroy my sister's health as a child (self fulfilling prophecy) I will not model this weight-value-judgement for my own children.

 

Thanks for giving me a place to get this off my chest. I thought I was the only one who dealt with that particular crazy.

 

Her other obsession is her dog's elimination habits, which she shares in great detail... ugh.

Edited November 15, 2016 by Amy in NH

[Amy in NH]

Read the rest of the thread...

If it hadn't been there my whole life I'd think it was the beginning of dementia. But she was raised in competition with an older sister who was the favorite, when teen girls were expected to have a tiny waist. She was not allowed to gain weight when pregnant.

 

So I don't know if it was enculturation or insecurity or a bit of OCD. Her house is always spotless, too. Mom says she was treated like a slave as a child. I guess my grandmother used to go around with a white glove to check for dirt. She also says that she was abused, and choosing not to eat was the only control she had over her body. That kind of upbringing must leave some psychological scars.

Edited November 15, 2016 by Amy in NH

[Georgiana Daniels]

The word would be my mother in law.

Everything in her life revolves around weight and her diet. And everyone else's weight.

 

YUP! This is my mother-in-law too! I can't even explain the damage done by her words.

[J-rap]

At first I was thinking that it must be someone with an eating disorder herself!  Then I remembered a 70+ year-old woman who sits for several hours each day at our local coffee shop examining people and their body types.  Their weight is ALWAYS the first thing she comments on.  "You must be under stress, I can see you've lost weight!" or "I remember when you were fat, in high school.  Yes, you really were fat!!"  And on and on.  All I can think is that her world is very, very small and shallow.

[scrapbookbuzz]

Insecure is the best word. Someone who truly has a heart/passion for another person's health would:

1) Talk to them privately

2) Not discuss it with the rest of the world

3) and in no way would be gossipy or negative about it

 

What you're describing is someone so insecure in herself she fees she must judge others to make herself feel better.

[Tanaqui]

The word is toxic. If she's constantly judging people and talking about them behind their backs, then you're one of the people she judges and talks about. I don't know why she does it, and frankly, I don't care - I'd avoid her.