I know you're not supposed to put a kid on a diet, but...

[SparklyUnicorn]

I agree on relaxing.  If you make some small changes here or there nobody will probably notice.  Get more activity in as a family. 

 

If you are looking for more serious help than that, go to someone other than your ped.  It is likely the ped knows nothing about this stuff.  My older kid, who was always underweight for years, is a few pounds over (he just had a massive growth spurt!).  The ped said eat small portions.  Uhhh not helpful.  You can't tell a 14 year old boy who feels starved from growing to eat small portions!  So my tactic is to get him exercising more.  Otherwise I have no plans to do much else.

 

 

[kiana]

But there are ways and ways to address it.

 

A whole-family focus on eating healthier foods in reasonable quantities, not eating if you aren't hungry, on desserts being special treats rather than after every meal, between-meal snacks being primarily for sustenance rather than because we want sweets, movement as part of getting your heart rate up, healthier ways of dealing with emotions rather than diving into a bucket of ice cream? Sure! 

 

But a focus on weight rather than a focus on a healthy lifestyle, especially if directed at the one overweight kid, can lead to a seriously disturbed relationship with food and body image in some cases. There are a lot of people who will talk about how damaging and upsetting it was when their mother started confiscating desserts and counting their calories while they were a preteen, while their siblings were offered seconds. And it didn't lead them into being slim adults. It led them into adults who eat everything in sight because their mother's well-meant efforts were the wrong way to approach it. It's wise of OP to tread cautiously. 

[TKDmom]

Everyone has been so helpful on encouraging me to get the whole family to be engaged in a healthier lifestyle. It's just the encouragement I needed. My boys are pretty active because they see the connection between their mood and their activity level. My girls and I? Not so much. DD15 knows she's not in good shape, despite being slim. I think it would be great for all of us to get out and exercise together.

 

DD7 started school today. I think it will help her all around. Her teacher told me they have a morning snack at recess and that she only allows fruit, veggies, cheese or popcorn. Perfect! I'm feeling like I can make some of the changes I've been wanting to make for myself, and get the kids and DH on board too.

[kiana]

OP, as far as personal recommendations, whole-family activities that can be enjoyed by adults and kids alike are the way to go in my opinion. It is easy to say "well x exercise is better than y" but if you joyously do y and need to be dragged to do x, which one is better? Weekend hikes are a great way to get outside if your family would find it fun. 

[Katy]

Roller or ice skating is a good exercise during the winter.  If you go right when the session opens, it can take hours, and kids find it tons of fun.

 

Trampoline parks or YMCA activities are also good options, though they can be pricey.

[maize]

No I wasn't replying to you. Of course it is not damaging to tell a child she is beautiful.

 

I was responding to the OP discussing being afraid to discuss the weight issue for fear of damaging her child in some way.

 

My SS is an emotional eater. He just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And I have a young friend who I first met when he was 19 and very overweight..,,.,and now he is 23 and another 100 pounds overweight. No matter how you phrase it, that is not ok. I wish for my SS and for my friend that it had been addressed at age 7.

There are kids who are only too primed to swing the other direction. I have one who at age 8 started obsessing about weight: skipping meals and lying about it, exercising compulsively, and seemingly well on their way towards an eating disorder. I promptly threw away our bathroom scale. That and addressing some mental/emotional/physical/social health needs fortunately was enough to head things off with that child at that time.

 

Anorexia runs in my family, and it is a horrific disease. Skinny is not always best.

[Janeway]

She needs a physical activity too. That is why I spend the money I perhaps should not spend on the physical stuff for the kids, I come from a long line of obese people. It is in our genetics. So, I try to get something they like, something good. 

[poppy]

First, try to relax.  She's still at the stage where she's likely to gain weight right before a growth spurt.  And soon she'll be spending a lot more time running around outside getting exercise.

 

Second, try to give her more protein foods (eggs for breakfast instead of toast or cereal) and less sugar.  Use real old-fashioned oats instead of instant ones.

 

Third, limit snacks to apples and carrots.  If she doesn't want an apple she's not actually hungry.

 

Fourth, try to spend more time at an outdoor playground.

 

What would you do about kids who don't like apples or carrots? 

Asking seriously. I have a child with sensory issues who will not eat fruit, or anything runny (like eggs, or oatmeal).

It is a challenge.

 

[Wheres Toto]

I'm following this thread closely because I"m going through the same thing.  My younger dd has always been a solid kid but we had her physical yesterday and she is around 65% for height and 95% for weight.  Her brother is also "overweight" but not by as much.  He had a recent growth spurt that helped.

 

She's not a bad eater so I think the main thing there will be portion control.

 

I'm going to concentrate mainly on increasing exercise.  She did swim team all summer, does TKD 2-3 times a week, swims 1 time a week and does yoga 1 time a week.  We are starting to get into colder weather so I'm going to concentrate on some of the inside activities mentioned here (It's hard for me to even walk outside in the cold.  I have one ankle, one foot and a wrist that hurt pretty bad in the cold).  There are a ton of kids zumba-type dance videos on youtube/Pinterest, I have kids yoga cards to do at home, Wii fit, and I looked at the blog above for some calisthenics ideas.  

 

Our big challenge is room - there's no place in my house with more than maybe 6 feet by 6 feet of cleared space and there are 3 of us exercising.  I have noted the Y's open gym and open swim times so we can go there if we need to get out of the house.   Now I just need to force myself to do it.

[poppy]

No I wasn't replying to you. Of course it is not damaging to tell a child she is beautiful.

 

I was responding to the OP discussing being afraid to discuss the weight issue for fear of damaging her child in some way.

 

My SS is an emotional eater. He just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And I have a young friend who I first met when he was 19 and very overweight..,,.,and now he is 23 and another 100 pounds overweight. No matter how you phrase it, that is not ok. I wish for my SS and for my friend that it had been addressed at age 7.

 

I think you really need to address the emotional issues, not the diet.

Because you don't want to have a child who is both overweight and living in a constant state of shame on top of that.

Or, more likely in girls, a binge/purge eater who has just as many health issues, and honestly? Also that constant state of shame.

It's tricky.

The older I get the more I think, we need to just not comment on our children's bodies. Comment on healthy eating, being fit,  yes yes yes. 

Comments about weight or appearance, though..... I've seen far, far, far more damage in adults from self-hatred than I have seen health damage from weight issues.

[maize]

What would you do about kids who don't like apples or carrots?

Asking seriously. I have a child with sensory issues who will not eat fruit, or anything runny (like eggs, or oatmeal).

It is a challenge.

Apples and carrots by themselves wouldn't do for snacks for my kids, they need protein.

 

For kids with sensory eating issues (I have some) I would figure out non-sugary options among the foods they will eat. What those are will depend on the kid. In my house it might be cheese sticks, quality saussage sticks, hard boiled eggs, a slice of Turkey breast, a spoonful of peanut butter or peanut butter on crackers. Most of my kids will do fruit but apples with peanut butter are a better snack than apples alone if you don't want blood sugar troubles. Mine also like trays of veggies with hummus or a yoghurt ranch dip.

Edited November 1, 2016 by maize

[Amy in NH]

What would you do about kids who don't like apples or carrots?

Asking seriously. I have a child with sensory issues who will not eat fruit, or anything runny (like eggs, or oatmeal).

 

It is a challenge.

There are plenty of non-runny ways to cook eggs (says the adult who likes eggs but would never eat them runny, and probably has SPD). Likewise there are so many fruits with different textures there must be something he would like. Go with vegetables instead of fruits?

[JustEm]

What would you do about kids who don't like apples or carrots?

Asking seriously. I have a child with sensory issues who will not eat fruit, or anything runny (like eggs, or oatmeal).

It is a challenge.

Does he eat veggies at all? Or soups that are blended up? I have one who used to not like veggies because of texture but if you make a veggie soup and blend everything with a stick blender she would devour it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

What would you do about kids who don't like apples or carrots? 

Asking seriously. I have a child with sensory issues who will not eat fruit, or anything runny (like eggs, or oatmeal).

It is a challenge.

 

Yep.  It's the same story here. One of my kids is insanely picky.  He might be willing to do an apple.  But it has to be the right type, the right texture, and he wants to eat 5 of them.  For him I think something with protein and fat is the better snack choice because it'll satisfy a lot better than 5 apples. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Does he eat veggies at all? Or soups that are blended up? I have one who used to not like veggies because of texture but if you make a veggie soup and blend everything with a stick blender she would devour it.

 

Mine won't eat that.

 

And he's 14 so you can't make a 14 year old eat something they are hell bent on not eating.

[poppy]

Mine won't eat that.

 

And he's 14 so you can't make a 14 year old eat something they are hell bent on not eating.

 

My sensory kid is in feeding therapy.  I don't know if they do teens, but, I've seen kids from 4-middle school at the clinic.

 

After 2 years she will eat a small list of things.  Raw fruits and veggies, not so much. She will have a small number of baby carrot sticks, like 4. I wouldn't consider that a snack.

[maize]

I think you really need to address the emotional issues, not the diet.

Because you don't want to have a child who is both overweight and living in a constant state of shame on top of that.

Or, more likely in girls, a binge/purge eater who has just as many health issues, and honestly? Also that constant state of shame.

It's tricky.

The older I get the more I think, we need to just not comment on our children's bodies. Comment on healthy eating, being fit, yes yes yes.

Comments about weight or appearance, though..... I've seen far, far, far more damage in adults from self-hatred than I have seen health damage from weight issues.

Yes!

 

Our kids, especially girls, are not going to avoid the constant cultural message that their worth is dependent on their physique. I'll do everything in my power to counter that, and certainly not contribute to it.

 

A person who tends towards heavy is not a less moral, beautiful, valuable, or worthy person than one who is thin. They are frequently not even less healthy.

 

And so much depends on individual genes. My heavier sister eats better and gets more exercise than I do. She got a different set of genes and has just always tended to be bigger.

 

I hate and despise our culture's obsession with physical appearance as a measure of a person's goodness and worth.

 

Teach your kids to value feeling good. Teach them to appreciate and enjoy good foods. Teach them to engage regularly in activities that get their body moving and give them the opportunity to find activities that are enjoyable to them.

 

But above all, teach that they have amazing, unique worth just because they are an individual human, a person who can dream and think and do and be and love and be loved.

Edited November 1, 2016 by maize

[SparklyUnicorn]

My sensory kid is in feeding therapy.  I don't know if they do teens, but, I've seen kids from 4-middle school at the clinic.

 

After 2 years she will eat a small list of things.  Raw fruits and veggies, not so much. She will have a small number of baby carrot sticks, like 4. I wouldn't consider that a snack.

 

Uh yeah he is way past the point where that would make sense unless he himself wanted to deal with it.

 

Mine will eat several fruits.  He won't eat a single vegetable or legume.  He will eat most other foods (meat, eggs, dairy, carbs of any kind).  I suppose that's not super terrible, but I'm not too thrilled with the no vegetable at all thing.  There are several in my family who are exactly the same. Some of them did improve somewhat when they became adults. 

[poppy]

Uh yeah he is way past the point where that would make sense unless he himself wanted to deal with it.

 

Mine will eat several fruits.  He won't eat a single vegetable or legume.  He will eat most other foods (meat, eggs, dairy, carbs of any kind).  I suppose that's not super terrible, but I'm not too thrilled with the no vegetable at all thing.  There are several in my family who are exactly the same. Some of them did improve somewhat when they became adults. 

 

My older brother was like that as a teen.  Then he got to college and started loving Indian, Thai, Middle Eastern, Vietnames etc etc.  I teased him for only liking white and yellow foods when he was 15. Then he teased me for being too scared to try the curries when I was 15, ha ha.    Yeah, sometimes life surprises you.

[sbgrace]

I can share what I did, but my son wasn't in the same situation percents wise--enough that pediatrician was concerned though, called him obese but I think she was off on that/it still bugs me.

 

One, I watched what he had to drink. He was drinking a lot of calories. He has one glass of 1% milk a day and water otherwise.

 

There is no junk in the house. For a lot of people, sugar does create craving for more, and a lot of people can't stop with those foods. I'm one of those. So the no junk helps all of us.

 

I plate his food. Everyone's actually. If he's still hungry even fruit is better than more grain based carbs.

 

We eat at meals. Hunger between can be handled with carrots or similar.

 

We started eating protein, vegetables, then carbs at meals. I read an article that this is best for blood sugar/insulin. However, it seems to be good for weight too. I use lean protein--chicken breasts, beans, turkey breast, low fat yogurt etc. 

 

My dad starting drinking a glass of water before each meal. I don't know how that might impact digestion, though.

 

It can be helpful to cut food off at a designated time. I do that for myself.

 

Exercise is healthy, but it's not a way to lose weight. Statistics show that people eat more to compensate, and it takes an inordinate amount of exercise to work off the calories anyway. I don't mean exercise makes a person gain, but that reduced food intake is what leads to weight loss.

 

I did/do talk about listening to our body on eating. But I didn't actually talk to him about losing weight. I made the changes for all of us.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My older brother was like that as a teen.  Then he got to college and started loving Indian, Thai, Middle Eastern, Vietnames etc etc.  I teased him for only liking white and yellow foods when he was 15. Then he teased me for being too scared to try the curries when I was 15, ha ha.    Yeah, sometimes life surprises you.

 

He loves spicy foods and curries (so long as no vegetables are involved).  LOL

 

He douses super plain foods in various fiery hot sauces.

[SKL]

I too think that we worry too much about potential eating disorders.

 

I know an eating disorder is a bad thing to have, but so is morbid obesity, and I think the latter is a lot more common than the former.

 

And it's not like a school-aged child doesn't know she's obese, regardless of how often her parents tell her she's Miss America.

 

And not every eating disorder started with criticism of baby fat.  People obsess about food and other things for a variety of reasons, many of which we as parents cannot prevent or control.  But to the extent we can influence, a focus on bodily health will be preventative of both extremes of self-harm.  We can tell our kids they are worth the effort of making healthy choices.

 

A school-aged child wants to be the best she can be, physically and otherwise.  There is nothing wrong with helping our kids learn strategies to be healthy.

[HomeAgain]

One thing I have found with the schools here is they do a forced free breakfast.  It's usually nothing more than sugar and empty carbs, but school starts before breakfast is served. Some of the menus are appalling - juice, chocolate milk, cereal bar, poptarts, fried french toast...this is how children are starting their day.  A child who starts out like this instead of protein/whole grains/low sugar is going to be hungry, crash, and not ever feel sated.

 

Our rules for health are the same for everyone:

-eat together. Breakfast and dinner are eaten by everyone all at the table.  It encourages slowing down and letting the body give the brain signals.

-aim for 5 a day.  At this point I don't care which it is, fruits or veggies, for the youngest.

-eat fat.  Fat makes you feel full. Olive oil is a part of our diet, so is butter.  Artificial fats are not if we can help it.

-eat simple.  Oatmeal and eggs vs. cereal.  Plain yogurt with honey instead of flavored yogurt.  If I can't pronounce it, I don't want it.  If it's light and fluffy, I don't want it.

-stop snacking.  I think it is terrible that children eat breakfast, snack midmorning, eat lunch, snack midafternoon, dinner, and dessert.  Worse still when every activity has to have snacks.  Played soccer for an hour?  Have a container of Goldfish and juice!  No.  Stop snacking.  And definitely nothing that is marketed toward kids should ever come in our house.

-sleep.  Sleep is so important and kids who don't get enough mess with their body and yes, it can lead to obesity. 

-build in exercise.  I park in the back of the lot.  We take daily walks, we have bikes and a rack for our car to take to trails. 

 

Start little.  Make one change after another as you adapt.  We used to survive on Hamburger Helper and drivethrus.  Over time our diets have changed as we introduced Bountiful Baskets (what to do with jicama?  LOL), found great places to take the kids, and aimed for better goals.  My doctor being worried about my cholesterol didn't hurt, either. ;)  At under my average weight for body type I should be the picture of health, but the nastiness was still there on the inside.  I just hid it better than someone overweight. 

[J-rap]

One of my dd's used to be a little chunkier than everyone else.  Her whole body type was different.  She didn't enjoy exercise either.  We never talked about weight, and in fact threw away our scale.  Instead, we focused on healthier eating and family exercise.  We mostly ate pretty well anyway, but we really eliminated things like pop, extra juice, junk food.  We pretty much eat all natural, homemade, low-carb.  It wasn't about her at all, it was just our family's way.  (Well, it was partly about her!  But she didn't need to know that.   ;))

 

Because she didn't like athletics so much like my other kids, that further motivated us to be active as a family, in fun ways.  Hiking on the weekends, family bike rides, cross-country skiing together, etc.

 

So, I guess that's the main thing we focused on:  setting up healthy lifestyle patterns and choices in a positive way.  

 

We never discussed actual weight at all, ever.  I never talked about my own body image in front of my girls either.  (As in, "Oh, I'm too fat!" etc.)

 

This dd definitely takes after the other side of the family.  She is the only one!  Everyone else is tall and slender.  She is shorter and stalkier, the shortest one in our family.  But as her body matured and she kept up with her healthy eating and lifestyle, it turned into a very fit-looking body.  She is very fit, and is a mountain climber now!  That's her thing.  She knows her body is different than her siblings, but she's fine with that.

 

Anyway, maybe this has some helpful advice somewhere for you.  I know I always appreciate when I can hear from someone who had been there and made it beyond!

Edited November 1, 2016 by J-rap

[Scarlett]

There are kids who are only too primed to swing the other direction. I have one who at age 8 started obsessing about weight: skipping meals and lying about it, exercising compulsively, and seemingly well on their way towards an eating disorder. I promptly threw away our bathroom scale. That and addressing some mental/emotional/physical/social health needs fortunately was enough to head things off with that child at that time.

 

Anorexia runs in my family, and it is a horrific disease. Skinny is not always best.

 

 

The risk of one problem is no reason to fear addressing an equally serious problem.  Sure caution and kindness is needed but to act like it is not a problem is not doing an overweight kid any favors.

[MotherGoose]

One of mine seems to have the genetics from one side of the family that may make her prone to obesity. One relative had gastric bypass and a host of other health problems resulting from obesity (had the gastric bypass after the other problems started). When they ask why he's sick, I tell them the truth.

 

From babyhood, I never gave anyone anything to drink besides milk and water (juice and sodas only on special occasions, never in the house). Same for junky snacks, cookies, deserts, etc. after she eats what seems to be a normal portion, and is still hungry, I tell her she has to go do something else for a bit and if she's still hungry then she can have more vegggies, fruit, whatever. Not another helping of pasta.

[regentrude]

Mine will eat several fruits.  He won't eat a single vegetable or legume.  He will eat most other foods (meat, eggs, dairy, carbs of any kind).  I suppose that's not super terrible, but I'm not too thrilled with the no vegetable at all thing.  There are several in my family who are exactly the same. Some of them did improve somewhat when they became adults. 

 

My DS does not eat any vegetables. He is a super taster and they simply taste awful to him. He eats apples by the pound.

 

Around age 14, he finally accepted tomato sauce, and he will now eat beef stew that is cooked with veggies, but leave all discernible vegetable pieces. I am thrilled at the culinary options this has offered.

 

He is a competetive athlete, very healthy, and I do not worry anymore.

[maize]

The risk of one problem is no reason to fear addressing an equally serious problem. Sure caution and kindness is needed but to act like it is not a problem is not doing an overweight kid any favors.

With girls in particular I do not think the focus should ever be on weight. I've seen a lot of harm done that way and honestly have never seen good come of it.

 

A focus on healthy eating and healthy living is quite different from a focus on weight as a thing itself. I don't see this as ignoring a problem--I see it as addressing a problem at its root rather than focusing on a secondary symptom.

[Code Lyoko]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Hugs OP as you navigate these waters.  I think your plan for an overhaul of the entire household food/health plan is great (and we need to do that here, too).  I agree with others, the constant craving for sugar would be concerning to me.  I am hypoglycemic.  I was not diagnosed as such for years even though I was having some issues.  The biggest one was that  I craved sugary things all.the.time.  Doctors missed it.  I finally had a full, multi-hour glucose tolerance test in my teens that gave us the answers we needed.  You might consider finding a specialist to pursue this further.  If there IS an underlying medical issue finding out and addressing it now will be easier and safer than waiting until the pre-teen hormonal years.

[Janeway]

You are not supposed to put them on a diet..as in, a low calorie diet. But as a parent, you should be controlling her diet. So don't feel guilty at all. Do what you need.

[Scarlett]

With girls in particular I do not think the focus should ever be on weight. I've seen a lot of harm done that way and honestly have never seen good come of it.

 

A focus on healthy eating and healthy living is quite different from a focus on weight as a thing itself. I don't see this as ignoring a problem--I see it as addressing a problem at its root rather than focusing on a secondary symptom.

 

 

I will agree to an extent.  What if that doesn't work?  Eventually, an obese tween or teen is going to realize they are very over weight.  If healthy eating and healthy living don't work should we just not suggest a next step?

[kiana]

The risk of one problem is no reason to fear addressing an equally serious problem.  Sure caution and kindness is needed but to act like it is not a problem is not doing an overweight kid any favors.

 

I'm really not seeing people suggesting completely not addressing it, but rather to move cautiously and kindly and making the focus on health rather than specifically on weight. 

 

I will agree to an extent.  What if that doesn't work?  Eventually, an obese tween or teen is going to realize they are very over weight.  If healthy eating and healthy living don't work should we just not suggest a next step?

 

 

If the family does regular exercise, doesn't keep sweets in the house, doesn't eat between meals, and doesn't eat a lot of highly processed food, and the child is still managing to stay overweight, it is highly unlikely that a diet will work either. At this point, it is likely that there is either something physiologically wrong, or that there are some serious eating issues that probably need to be addressed by a licensed professional. 

Edited November 1, 2016 by kiana

[Arcadia]

Eventually, an obese tween or teen is going to realize they are very over weight. If healthy eating and healthy living don't work should we just not suggest a next step?

If a tween or teen is clinically obese and his pediatrician/family doctor is not suggesting doing a panel of tests to rule out medical reasons and not referring the tween/teen to a dietitian, something is off. The tween/teen may not go for testing or dietitian consultation but it should be suggested by the medical practitioner.

 

A late schoolmate was obese due to a genetic kidney condition that was terminal. She died in high school. She was happy she got to attend public schools as much as her health allowed.

[Scarlett]

I'm really not seeing people suggesting completely not addressing it, but rather to move cautiously and kindly and making the focus on health rather than specifically on weight. 

 

 

 

If the family does regular exercise, doesn't keep sweets in the house, doesn't eat between meals, and doesn't eat a lot of highly processed food, and the child is still managing to stay overweight, it is highly unlikely that a diet will work either. At this point, it is likely that there is either something physiologically wrong, or that there are some serious eating issues that probably need to be addressed by a licensed professional. 

 

 

Ok, And that would be addressing it.  

 

And I did see a lot of people saying to never mention weight or body shape.  I think that is as extreme as never mentioning that one kid has blonde hair.  Yes we are different.  Thin, oily hair may need to be washed every single day where as thick dry hair may only need to be washed every other day.  To acknowledge that difference is not a negative thing.  It is just a thing that needs to be dealt with.  

[Scarlett]

If a tween or teen is clinically obese and his pediatrician/family doctor is not suggesting doing a panel of tests to rule out medical reasons and not referring the tween/teen to a dietitian, something is off. The tween/teen may not go for testing or dietitian consultation but it should be suggested by the medical practitioner.

 

A late schoolmate was obese due to a genetic kidney condition that was terminal. She died in high school. She was happy she got to attend public schools as much as her health allowed.

 

 

Dh took dss15 for a check up last month.  The first he has been to in probably 8 years.  The doctor showed him what his BMI is (36) and that was that.  No further mention of his weight.  

Edited November 1, 2016 by Scarlett

[hornblower]

Dh took dss15 for a check up last month.  The first he has been to in probably 8 years.  The doctor showed him what his BMI is (36) and that was that.  No further mention of his weight.  

 

wow, that's sad. I have to wonder whether some physicians have simply given up, or whether they just don't have any resources to refer people to ... ? 

 

But shouldn't the boy have blood work done to check for cholesterol and pre-diabetes? What about thyroid function? What if he's hypothyroid and that's contributing to the weight problem?

 

Hypertension workup? EKG?   

 

I mean this doctor was presented with a person manifestly displaying a state of disease and they don't even comment on it or on possible routes of treatment? 

[Scarlett]

wow, that's sad. I have to wonder whether some physicians have simply given up, or whether they just don't have any resources to refer people to ... ? 

 

But shouldn't the boy have blood work done to check for cholesterol and pre-diabetes? What about thyroid function? What if he's hypothyroid and that's contributing to the weight problem?

 

Hypertension workup? EKG?   

 

I mean this doctor was presented with a person manifestly displaying a state of disease and they don't even comment on it or on possible routes of treatment? 

 

 

When he was about 11 we took him for blood work.  No issue with pre-diabetes then.  He has had blood work done at the Urologist but I am not sure all what for.  I am in a bad position because I don't want to be a nagger.

[Scarlett]

OP I know I have threadjacked this, but I am dealing with the same issue with one kid being thin and the other obese.  Just now I heated up leftover meatloaf....I made them meatloaf sandwiches.  Ds16 wanted 2 but there wasn't enough for them both to have to two.....should I let ds16 have 2 and ds15 have one?  Ds16 is starving all the time.  Ds16 put no condiments on his sandwhich...ds15?  Mayo.  I said nothing...but I want to.

[Scarlett]

wow, that's sad. I have to wonder whether some physicians have simply given up, or whether they just don't have any resources to refer people to ... ? 

 

But shouldn't the boy have blood work done to check for cholesterol and pre-diabetes? What about thyroid function? What if he's hypothyroid and that's contributing to the weight problem?

 

Hypertension workup? EKG?   

 

I mean this doctor was presented with a person manifestly displaying a state of disease and they don't even comment on it or on possible routes of treatment? 

 

 

I knew I should have gone.  I had hoped dh would be working and I would have to be the one.  But as it turned out I had to work and dh was available.  I would have addressed it if I had had been there. 

[TKDmom]

I have no problem with putting a child on a diet, or discussing weight with a child. In fact, I think it is problemstic when a parent does not intervene when a child is overweight. However, it is obviously very important to watch how you phrase things and what the message is. it's really important to remember that the issue of what we call 'dieting' should always be about learning healthy eating habits. These don't only apply to one child in the family. So assuming all cooking and food provision is healthy (and no other medical issues), it is largely about portion control and bad habits. I would actively intervene to stop second helping, for instance (cook less, only fruit if hungry afterwards) and not allow random eating between meals (for anyone). Those are both standard in our house anyway, but there was a period where I had to actively enforce them. We have never banned sweets or biscuits, for instance, but there are standard limits in place for everyone. At times I need to opt to forget to buy things like that for a few weeks. Personal money is also not allowed to be spent on food - all food is provided at home. I think there is a lot that can be done to help a child without the experience being negative or damaging.

 

That is an interesting idea. My kids like to run over to the dollar store and stock up on candy. It bugs me, but I always figured, it's their money...

 

I like the idea of telling them they just aren't allowed to run over there and buy candy. I suspect ds13 would still do it, though. I know he sneaks candy in sometimes (so he doesn't have to share with anyone). When I see the closet full of candy wrappers, he wonders how I figured out he snuck candy in. :lol:

[Scarlett]

That is an interesting idea. My kids like to run over to the dollar store and stock up on candy. It bugs me, but I always figured, it's their money...

 

I like the idea of telling them they just aren't allowed to run over there and buy candy. I suspect ds13 would still do it, though. I know he sneaks candy in sometimes (so he doesn't have to share with anyone). When I see the closet full of candy wrappers, he wonders how I figured out he snuck candy in. :lol:

 

 

Ds15 does this too.  And this is a two fold problem since we don't allow eating in the bedrooms.

[Soror]

(hugs) I agree with the majority of others. i would make family changes. i would not put her on a diet. Steps toward healthier eating and more activity will only benefit everyone. Unfortunately for some kids, it is harder than others but I would not ignore it and hope she grows out of it, too many kids don't grow out of it. My dh put on some weight at that time, the summer he got a Nintendo(thus didn't spend all summer biking and swimming and his Mom went crazy baking) he never slimmed down after that (he wasn't huge then but a bit pudgy and going into adulthood a bit pudgy isn't a help when maintaining weight only gets harder as we age). It is even worse these days with climbing obesity rates for kids and adults. 

[TKDmom]

I have no helpful advice, but I'm super curious to know what, exactly the pediatrician said. Obviously you don't have to share if you don't want to. 

 

We just moved, so this was her first visit with this doctor, and records haven't been transferred yet. She showed me the charts for dd's height, weight and bmi. FShe said something along the lines of "She is tall for age, but weight is way up here [higher than weight percentile] and this [bMI above 90th%] is a concern." 

 

She suggested that we should keep an eye on it. Maybe schedule an appointment 3-4 months out to check her weight.

 

Our last pediatrician did about the same thing a year ago. Over Christmas, we had gotten a trampoline, so when dd came back in to be checked in Feb, she had been spending a couple hours a day on the trampoline. She had gained some weight, but more height, and the doctor felt like all was well. But then summer (in Florida) hit, and no one wants to go outside when it's hot and muggy. 

[EmseB]

I can share what I did, but my son wasn't in the same situation percents wise--enough that pediatrician was concerned though, called him obese but I think she was off on that/it still bugs me.

 

One, I watched what he had to drink. He was drinking a lot of calories. He has one glass of 1% milk a day and water otherwise.

 

There is no junk in the house. For a lot of people, sugar does create craving for more, and a lot of people can't stop with those foods. I'm one of those. So the no junk helps all of us.

 

I plate his food. Everyone's actually. If he's still hungry even fruit is better than more grain based carbs.

 

We eat at meals. Hunger between can be handled with carrots or similar.

 

We started eating protein, vegetables, then carbs at meals. I read an article that this is best for blood sugar/insulin. However, it seems to be good for weight too. I use lean protein--chicken breasts, beans, turkey breast, low fat yogurt etc. 

 

My dad starting drinking a glass of water before each meal. I don't know how that might impact digestion, though.

 

It can be helpful to cut food off at a designated time. I do that for myself.

 

Exercise is healthy, but it's not a way to lose weight. Statistics show that people eat more to compensate, and it takes an inordinate amount of exercise to work off the calories anyway. I don't mean exercise makes a person gain, but that reduced food intake is what leads to weight loss.

 

I did/do talk about listening to our body on eating. But I didn't actually talk to him about losing weight. I made the changes for all of us.

 

Yes, this. It's actually depressing how few calories exercise actually burns.  Now, the OP may not need to reduce intake, she may just need to change what her DD is eating, and being more active certainly can't hurt anything.  Exercise is good and great. But, I swam competitively and it made me *hungry*.  I ate so much food to make up for all the exercise I was doing.  Far more calories than I ever burned.  Even now, when I'm running I come back from a run and all I want is carbs, carbs, and more carbs.  As an adult I can see that's a bad idea, but a for a kid it's going to be much harder if they are getting hungrier and their go-to hunger relief is sugar.

 

[kiana]

Yes, this. It's actually depressing how few calories exercise actually burns.  Now, the OP may not need to reduce intake, she may just need to change what her DD is eating, and being more active certainly can't hurt anything.  Exercise is good and great. But, I swam competitively and it made me *hungry*.  I ate so much food to make up for all the exercise I was doing.  Far more calories than I ever burned.  Even now, when I'm running I come back from a run and all I want is carbs, carbs, and more carbs.  As an adult I can see that's a bad idea, but a for a kid it's going to be much harder if they are getting hungrier and their go-to hunger relief is sugar.

 

Swimming is actually one of the least effective exercises for weight loss for this reason. Something about being in the water, I'm not sure what, but it makes you HUNGRY. 

[kiana]

OP I know I have threadjacked this, but I am dealing with the same issue with one kid being thin and the other obese.  Just now I heated up leftover meatloaf....I made them meatloaf sandwiches.  Ds16 wanted 2 but there wasn't enough for them both to have to two.....should I let ds16 have 2 and ds15 have one?  Ds16 is starving all the time.  Ds16 put no condiments on his sandwhich...ds15?  Mayo.  I said nothing...but I want to.

 

 

Ds15 does this too.  And this is a two fold problem since we don't allow eating in the bedrooms.

 

You know, reading these posts makes your earlier posts make so much sense to me now.

 

So, ok. Firstly, I think the way that's appropriate to address things with a 7 year old is very different from the way it's appropriate to address things with a 15 year old. Secondly, you have a lot less control over anything than he does, and you're not going to be able to do anything without his buy-in. He's already taking food into places where he's not supposed to, and he's old enough to do this with or without your say. 

 

He needs a medical professional to talk with him, clinically and without shaming or blaming, about how his excess weight is going to affect his health in future, including but not limited to excessive wear and tear on joints and the heart. I also think sessions with a dietitian with experience in pediatric obesity would help. I don't have enough experience to say where to go next, but an experienced dietitian is going to be able to come up with a lot more ideas that he might actually follow than anything else. You might also consider counseling. 

 

But if he won't participate in nutritional or psychological counseling and just keeps buying and eating candy in his room, there really isn't going to be much that you can do. 

[Scarlett]

You know, reading these posts makes your earlier posts make so much sense to me now.

 

So, ok. Firstly, I think the way that's appropriate to address things with a 7 year old is very different from the way it's appropriate to address things with a 15 year old. Secondly, you have a lot less control over anything than he does, and you're not going to be able to do anything without his buy-in. He's already taking food into places where he's not supposed to, and he's old enough to do this with or without your say. 

 

He needs a medical professional to talk with him, clinically and without shaming or blaming, about how his excess weight is going to affect his health in future, including but not limited to excessive wear and tear on joints and the heart. I also think sessions with a dietitian with experience in pediatric obesity would help. I don't have enough experience to say where to go next, but an experienced dietitian is going to be able to come up with a lot more ideas that he might actually follow than anything else. You might also consider counseling. 

 

But if he won't participate in nutritional or psychological counseling and just keeps buying and eating candy in his room, there really isn't going to be much that you can do. 

 

 

He SAYS he wants to lose weight. He SAYS (on his own without us bringing it up) that he knows he is very over weight.  When he came back from the doctor I asked him if the doctor mentioned his weight...and asked what his BMI was. Neither he nor dh could remember.  Later, like days later. dss said to me, 'you wondered what my BMI is, I found the piece of paper where the doctor wrote it.'  So I felt like him bringing it up again means he wants to talk about it.  But I don't know how to help him.  I am on WW on line....so he sees me counting points etc...I asked him one day if he wanted to do WW with me. He gave me a sharp NO!  So I said ok.  

 

I have no idea what to do.  Dh needs to address it I think.  You are right that we can't make him do anything...but from things he says and the way he acts.....I think he does want to lose weight.  When he saw pictures of himself on vacation he clearly was unhappy.

 

:(

[kiana]

Yeah, this is where I think a dietitian would be a really good idea. The dietitian should be able to help you and him come up with a plan of some way that doesn't involve counting points (as he clearly doesn't want to do that) but involves gradually shifting to a more healthy diet including reasonable food in reasonable portions -- but one that will fit into your lifestyle and not leave him continually ravenous. 

 

I am so sorry for both of you that you are going through this. :(

[QueenCat]

Exercise isn't bad and I'm curious to know why you think use of the word should be avoided? My preference would be to make sure there are positive connections to exercise through finding activities that are enjoyable for the people involved. 

 

You're right, I was just thinking at that age, it might be better received as play and fun and recreation. I guess that part of it is how the word is already perceived in the home, though. When I hike or take walks, I don't feel like I'm exercising, even though I am... but when on the elliptical, I just can't wait to be done.

[Bluegoat]

I can stick with exersize that I do for some other reason - like it's fun, or the dog needs a walk.  Exersize for the sake of it - not so much.  And I suspect it would be worse for a seven year old who isn't invested in the idea.

 

I don't think it matters that it might not help directly with weight loss.  It's an important part of health.  If you are looking at weight loss while ignoring fitness, then it really starts to look like maybe it is the aesthetics of it.  Which isn't IMO a good message.